'N SYNC: LANCE 'N' JC CHAPTER 13 ----------
Usual disclaimer applies: This is a work of fiction. It is not meant to imply anything about the orientation, beliefs or anything else about the real members of 'N Sync, the Backstreet Boys, or anyone else (but we can dream). If you are under 18, or are offended by graphic depictions of homosexual relationships, please go back now.
Story content copyright Copyright 1999 T. Kevin.
Sorry, this chapter took a little longer than the last one, but there's a lot going on in this growing saga. Hope it is worth the wait! Thanks to all of you who have emailed me with your encouragement!
Oh, and multi-sensory fans, you my want to have your copy of "Music of My Heart" queued up on the CD player. You don't have it yet? What kind of 'N Sync fan are you!?!
So here it is, lucky chapter 13.
Kevin ----
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Terry couldn't sleep. The pain in his right arm had subsided to a dull ache, but there was another -- more pleasant -- reason for his wakefulness. Draped half over him, head on Terry's shoulder as he slept, was a beautiful young man. It wasn't even that Justin was physically handsome (though he was -- intimidatingly so) but there was a naivete, an almost childlike wonder to him, combined with a energy and an understated intelligence that Terry found irresistible. Justin didn't 'act' smart, but he obviously was very smart; it was apparent in the speed with which he understood things.
But it was the innocence more than anything, the feeling that Justin didn't even know how to go about hurting someone, much less want to. And Terry was more afraid of being hurt -- again -- by someone he cared for than of anything else.
He really had fallen for this young god whom he had only met a week ago. More incredible was the possibility that Justin actually cared for him the same way.
'This will never work,' a little naysayer voice inside him warned. 'You're just a temporary substitute for the man he really loves: JC Chasez. He's going to hurt you whether he intends to or not. You're too old, too jaded, too...' Terry frowned, realizing that this wasn't going to get him anywhere. 'All I can do is try to make him happy, and hope I don't disappoint him, I guess.' He sighed. But he had surprised himself with how quickly he'd let his barriers down for Justin. Terry didn't even make friends easily; it was a combination of natural shyness and having been burned before by shallow, self-centered people. Ironically, many people thought Terry was cold and aloof -- even condescending -- when they first met him. It was really just his defenses, built up over long years to protect the very sensitive, even insecure, man at the center. His heart had been broken the first time when he was about Justin's age... he felt his jaw clench with the memory of Michael. But his fear of opening up to another person went back much farther... to the Ice King and Queen, as he had come to refer to his parents. So wrapped up in their own little problems and petty affairs, it was if they forgot they even had children. Terry remembered getting more affection from the baby-sitter than either parent. Otherwise it was just him and his sister, their basic physical needs provided for, but emotionally they had been starved until their ability to give affection had almost been allowed to die. He wondered how Kristen was doing. Last he heard she was back in therapy after her divorce...
Justin stirred against him, made a little snoring sound, then settled back into regular breathing. Terry's mind wandered back to their confrontation in the alley with the gay-bashers. Terry kept replaying the incident over and over in his head. He's been in a couple of fights before, but never been faced with four armed opponents. He and Justin had been very lucky none of them had had a gun, and it was only Justin's action at the end that had saved Terry from a knife in the gut. He told himself that it was over, everything had come out okay, Justin didn't have a scratch. But still he couldn't get it out of his mind.
He tried to relax, and smiled sadly as the blond snuggled a little closer. 'Justin, Justin... I could never forgive myself if anything had happened to you,' he thought as he tenderly ran his fingers through the youth's curls. He swallowed hard over the lump in his throat and closed his eyes.
Terry regained consciousness through a haze of dull agony. His arm hurt but the pain in his side was far worse. And he wasn't in bed, but sitting in a chair. He couldn't move his arms. People were talking.
"He's coming to."
"Good, I want him to watch. Take the gag off his 'boyfriend'." It was the voice of the lead gay-basher.
He heard a scuffling, then Justin spoke. "You assholes, what did you do to him?" He was trying to sound tough, but the fear in his voice was evident.
"You better be more worried about yourself, sweetheart."
Terry didn't want to open his eyes but he couldn't help it. Leering in his face was the leader, his faced bruised from where Terry had kicked him. A few feet away, held by two others, was Justin. He had a black eye, his lower lip was swollen, and there was a trickle of blood in the corner of his mouth. They were in some dimly-lit place, like an abandoned house.
"Terry! Man are you okay?"
'Poor Justin, he's concerned about me...' Terry thought sadly. He couldn't answer, couldn't even react.
"I don't think he's gonna last much longer." One of them said with a shrug.
"Then let's party!" The leader stood up and started to unbuckle his belt. "Hold pretty boy face-down on that mattress for me."
'Oh God no, please...' Terry wanted to close his eyes but couldn't, just as he couldn't close his ears.
Two of the others dragged Justin over to a filthy mattress on the floor. He seemed stunned for a moment, not realizing what was about to happen. Then he started flailing about and screaming like a madman. But they were too strong. They forced him down and held him, despite his struggles, as the leader stood over him. Justin started crying, begging Terry to help him. This was the worst torture Terry could imagine, to be powerless while Justin cried for help...
"Terry! TERRY!"
He sat bolt upright in bed. He was drenched in cold sweat. Justin was next to him, his face full of fear and worry -- but unhurt -- and his hand held Terry's arm in an iron grip. The designer felt his heart banging in his chest.
"Oh man, you scared the shit out of me!" Justin relaxed his grip, but only part way. "Are you all right? You were having some kind of bad dream!"
Terry smiled self-consciously. "Yeah, it was a doozy. Thanks for waking me."
"Yah. I been trying for a few minutes; you didn't want to come out of it!"
"I'm a deep sleeper. I'm sorry Justin, I didn't mean to scare you." Terry put his hand on Justin's.
"I wasn't scared, really. Just worried."
"You don't need to worry about me, but thank you." Terry managed a weak smile.
"Hey, anything for my Jean-Claude van Terry!" He broke into his disarming grin.
He looked at the clock by the bed: almost three in the morning... Ugh, tomorrow was going to be grim. "Well, just go back to sleep, okay? I'm gonna take a shower; maybe that will help."
"Okay." Justin's expression returned to one of concern as he lay back down.
Terry could feel Justin watching him as he stumbled to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He made sure the water was real hot before stepping in. 'Oh god what was that all about?' He demanded of his subconscious. 'What a sick, messed-up nightmare; what does it mean!? Was it just about a traumatic experience, or am I trying to tell myself something? Is he too young, too innocent for me?' He slumped against the tile and just let the water wash over him for a long time. He took deep breaths, tried to empty his mind. Somehow, slowly he managed to relax. The nightmare faded. He slipped out into the bedroom. Justin looked to be sleeping peacefully. He pulled out a clean tank top and boxer-briefs from his collection of black CK underwear in his suitcase and slipped them on. Since he was wide awake, he went out on the balcony. Glittering far away was a cluster of skyscrapers: Century City.
Cityscapes at night always made him introspective about humanity, society, technology, and how long this big fragile mess would last. But tonight it was only flickering patterns of light. All he could think about was the beautiful, vulnerable young man in the room behind him... but was Justin really that fragile? Surely under that 'aw shucks' modest exterior he must have a pretty hefty ego. And just to go through what he has with 'N Sync the last few years, he had to be pretty strong.
Terry jumped about a foot straight up when he felt a touch on his arm.
"I didn't mean to scare yah, but it's cold out here." Justin whispered in his ear and draped a blanket over his shoulders.
"Thanks." He smiled at the singer. He felt that pleaasant ache in his chest. It was a small thing, bringing him a blanket, but it said a lot.
Justin smiled back, and Terry realized he looked older, more mature somehow. This in spite of his blue bathrobe... and Bugs Bunny slippers.
"I never noticed the slippers before." he smirked.
"Hey, my little brother got 'em for me for Christmas. They're fun." Justin grinned and did a little dance with them so the ears wiggled around. Then his face turned serious and he put his arm around Terry. He just held him, staring out at the city next to him. After a few minutes he said softly, "I'll never forget what you did for me tonight."
"You saved me in the end, if I remember."
But Justin snorted derisively. "I was a scared kid with a bat that you took from them. If it had been me and anyone else, I'd be in the hospital right now... or worse." His arm tightened around Terry's waist
Then the designer felt satiny lips on his neck... and a tongue-tip curled up his jaw... He shivered with pleasure. "Ohhh, Jusss..." he whispered, his voice tight. Justin turned him so they were facing, and his hands cupped Terry's ass in his long splayed fingers. Terry slid his hands up Justin's muscled back, fingers digging into the unyielding flesh. Their eyes met, and he thought he saw something new in the beautiful singer's stare.
Justin's eyes were such a deep blue they looked black sometimes, like bottomless wells where the water sent back reflections of the sky. He was hard to read then, especially when he wore that winning smile like a shield.
But now his mouth hung slightly open, his eyes half-lidded. While his face held almost nothing of the little boy, there was a strange combination of hunger and hesitation there. Then he pulled their hips together and Terry could feel the teenager's erection against his own. The hunger was winning out over the hesitation as their faces drew nearer.
"I want you." Justin said softly, an instant before his mouth closed over Terry's and his tongue plunged deep into his mouth.
Terry surrendered willingly to the younger man's assertiveness, and was soon caught up in his passion. They couldn't pull each other close enough, their hands clutching at each others' bodies while they kissed with a desperation like it was their last moment on earth.
Justin pushed Terry back against the sliding door, grinding their hips together shamelessly while continuing to kiss him. He laved Terry's face and neck with his tongue, then kissed his neck and ears... then bit gently. Terry groaned, then gasped at the power of this boy to drive him crazy. He felt Justin's hands under his shirt, roughly caressing his chest and abs before finding his nipples. Justin rolled them between his fingers, still pushing their crotches together and holding his mouth over Terry's, their tongues fighting as they moaned in unison.
At the same time Terry caressed Justin's muscled chest, delighting at his smooth, satiny skin.
Then Justin abruptly slid his hand inside Terry's boxer-briefs and grabbed his hard penis. Terry froze in surprise and pulled back. But Justin leaned in closer. "I want you. Tonight. Now. I want us to do it." He breathed huskily. Then he blinked and looked in the designer's eyes, the boyish hesitation returning. "Do you... do you want to?"
Terry couldn't keep himself from smiling. "After you've got me all worked up? How could I not?" Then his expression turned serious. "If you're sure that's what you want. This isn't out of some kind of gratitude."
"No! I want you! I... trust you now. I'm ready, if you want to." He raised his eyebrows.
"Okay then." Terry smiled crookedly. "Let's go inside though; I'm not interested in giving all of Los Angeles a show."
Nick Carter woke from a fitful sleep to the insistent ring of his hotel room phone. "Hello?" He groaned into the receiver.
"How's my little Nicky tonight?" A breathy voice asked.
Instantly the teenager was wide awake, his heart racing. "I'm okay." He said, his voice tight, even higher than usual.
"It's your uncle Lou, Nicky. What are you doing?"
Nick scrunched his eyes closed, as if that could shut out the horrible memories. "N--nothing, Lou. Trying to sleep." He whined.
"Have you been a good boy, Nicky?" The voice was raspy... almost whispering... obscene. "Are you all by yourself? Uncle Lou misses you."
Somewhere deep inside, Nick found strength. "Leave... me... alone! Don't call me again or I'll tell Kevin! I'll tell everyone about you!" And he slammed the phone down.
He curled up in a fetal position and, despite his best efforts, he began to cry, very quietly.
The phone rang again. He lay staring at it, paralyzed in terror as it rang several times, then finally switched to the answering service. A minute later the message light began to flash. Lou would not have left a message. He wiped his eyes, propped himself up and turned on the light. It took him a minute (Nick was not the quickest guy in the world with machines) but he figured out how to get his message, still afraid that it could be his tormenter. He shuddered, unable to keep at bay the memories. It started years ago, soon after they signed with TransCon... whenever he and Lou were alone. The suggestive whispers... the touching. Then the phone calls late at night, the threats that he had to remain silent. Brian knew about it, he was sure. Sometimes he wondered if his parents even knew... and by their own silence allowed it.
The mechanized female voice chimed in. "You have one message, delivered at... three... fourty... seven... AM..."
"Nick, this is Brian, where the hell are you? Maybe you turned the phone off. I need some relief man. I'm coming over and for your sake you better be there and not out messin around."
Nick slowly hung up the phone. Well, at least for awhile he wouldn't be alone; not that Brian was much comfort. He wished he could call Kevin.
Once they were back inside the hotel room, Terry took charge. Allowing the blanket to drop off his shoulders, he swept Justin into his arms and carried the surprised youth to the bed. He gently laid the now-passive Justin down and straddled him. Their eyes met, Terry leaned down and gently kissed the singer on his full, perfect lips. He ran his hands up and down the blond's lean flanks, teasing his armpits as they continued to tenderly kiss.
Justin wrapped one hand around Terry's neck and placed the other over his heart. He jumped a little and gasped when Terry slid his hands up under his wifebeater and his fingers circled the tiny buds of Justin's nipples. He sent his tongue up and into the designer's mouth... just the tip at first, slithering along Terry's lips.
Their tongues danced together, flicking against each other, then Terry sucked on the blond's, pulling it into his own mouth. At the same time he began to tweak Justins's nipples, teasing them into hardness. He was rewarded with a deep suddering moan for his efforts. Lowering himself onto the youth, he sensuously rubbed their erections together through the thin fabric of their briefs... up and down, side to side, all the while gently twisting Justin's nipples and french kissing him. When he finally broke the kiss, the blond was gasping for hair, his chest heaving.
"Oh, man, ohhh man..." Was all Justin could say as Terry kissed his jaw, his neck, the hollow at the base of his throat... then down to one of those tender nipples. He sucked on it while caressing the other, then nibbled on it very gently. Justin's hands, now both on the back of Terry's head, pushed him down hard as if to say 'More! more!' He writhed on the bed, arching his hips up to meet Terry's, sometimes fitfully wrapping a leg up around one of the designer's powerful thighs.
Terry alternated on Justin's dime-sized buds of flesh for a long time, enjoying the obvious pleasure he was giving to his partner. Then he slowly began to kiss his way down over the blond's fat stomach to his little navel. He punched his tongue in and swirled it around while Jusitn trembled, then scooted himself down further. His face was inches above the singer's cock, which was still trapped inside a pair of white boxer-briefs. He could see every detail of the underside of the hard shaft as it strained against the cloth. Terry licked at the cock through the fabric and Justin shuddered from head to toe. He playfully bit at it and mouthed it, getting a series of little cries and whimpers from Justin, whose hands now played lightly over his head, fingers toying with his hair.
Then Terry scooted further down so he was between the blond's lean, muscled thighs. He eased Justin's legs further apart, then began to lick along the insides of his legs, right up to the edge of the briefs. He bent Justin's legs slightly, further exposing the space between them. At the base of Justin's pulsing hardon was the outline of a set of walnut-sized balls, held tight in their sac. Once again, Terry toyed unmercifully with the boy, not even touching his genitals through the briefs for a long time. Finally, he flicked the tip of his tongue over Justin's balls through the cloth, and the blond lifted his feet in the air in response. Emboldened, he dove lower, licking at the spot behind Justin's balls, and towards his ass. The singer made an appreciative little moaning sound with every touch of his tongue, his legs still partway in the air.
'God he is so worked up..' Terry thought with a little smile.
He scooted up partway, and hooked his fingers under the waistband of Justin's briefs. Then he hesitated, looking up to Justin's face as if asking for permission to take the next step.
The blond raised his head, his eyes were black under his heavy brows, his jaw a little slack, but his expression was almost imploring... 'yes do it...'
As the blond rocked his hips up, Terry lifted the front of Justin's boxer- briefs and eased them down, exposing his perfect cock inch by beautful inch. When he had them down around Justin's thighs he leaned over and ran the very tip of his tongue from the base of his cock, slowly up the underside... to the tender little spot at the base of the glans. He flicked his tongue around as Justin made tiny whimpers, then sucked the flaring head into his mouth. holding it there, he worked Justin's shorts the rest of the way off, then slid his hand along the inside of his thigh to cup his balls, already tight in their crinkled sac. He fonded them, while sucking in more cock bit by bit and slithering his tongue along the underside of Justin's penis...
The singer groaned deep in his throat, overwhelmed by this new sensation. He tenderly cradled Terry's head as he swallowed more and more of his cock with every stroke. "That feels so nice, man..." he managed to whisper. He didn't think he would last much longer, and he wanted Terry to enjoy this too. He pulled the designer up by the armpits so they were facing.
"Are you okay?" Terry asked, concern on his face.
"Better than okay." Justin smiled and kissed him. He pulled his lover on top of him and eased his briefs down. He gently grasped the thick cock and squeezed.
"Mmmm." Terry moaned, his lips agianst Justin's neck.
He stroked Terry's cock, at first slow, then faster. A couple times Terry had to stop him and make him do it more gently. He felt like he was getting the hang of it (it was strange doing it to someone else, but it was kind of exciting), but before long Terry pulled his hand away and slid down between his legs again. He soon forgot everything in a haze of incredible pleasure as he felt his cock surrounded by warmth. In only a few minutes he felt himself building towards cumming. He whimpered and squirmed as Terry began to stroke him with one hand while sucking on the head. The sensation was excruciating as he got closer and closer... so close... then finally he exploded. His eyes rooled back in his head, his body arched off the bed as his hands clutched at the sheets. He let out an inarticulate gasp as he came in Terry's mouth.
The taller young man smiled and sighed and climbed up to lie next to the blond. He'd brush his teeth in a little while, the decided. It had been a long time; the taste wasn't as bad as he remembered. Or maybe it was because it was Justin...
Slowly, Justin's breathing eased and slowed. His body stopped shivering with his orgasm aftershocks and he relaxed in Terry's arms.
"That was... incredible." Justin finally whispered. "Th-thank you."
"You're welcome." Terry smiled, then began to place light kisses along Justin's sweaty hairline.
"But... you didn't cum." Justin said plaintively.
"Don't worry about it; there's plenty of time for that. I enjoyed making you feel good."
Justin furrowed his brows. "But I want you to get off too, man."
"That's not all it's about, Just." Terry said. It came out sounding kind of condescending, and he was immediately sorry he'd said it that way. He could see the hurt expression on Justin's face. "I appreciate that you care, but it's cool, really. There will be plenty of times. I just want to hold you... please?"
Justin pursed his lips, but laid down and let Terry pull the covers up and put his arm around him.
Lance was cold. And bright light was burning through his eyelids. Could it be morning already? He scrunched his eyes shut and reached out without thinking. He encountered only empty space in the bed next to him. "JC?" He mumbled tentatively.
"Here, babe." The lanky singer emerged from the bathroom in his boxers. "I didn't mean to wake you. It's early yet, go back to sleep."
"What time is it?" Lance sat up and opened one eye part-way.
JC smiled when he saw Lance. He had terrible bed-head, and his eyes were all scrunched up so cute. "It's about seven. I was going to go to the gym downstairs.. What's this?" His voice trailed off as he picked up the fax by the door.
"What is it? JC?" Lance squinted. As his eyes slowly adjusted, he saw his lover reading something. JC's jaw muscles clenched as he read the fax.
"It's a note from your girlfriend." Josh snapped and tossed the paper on the bed. "Alex says Danielle sends her love. I'm gonna be sick."
Lance flinched. "Josh, please. Let's not go there again."
"I'm sorry, Scoop. That wasn't fair of me." He managed a weak smile and crawled back into bed next to Lance.
"I thought you were going to the gym?" Lance raised a delicate eyebrow, still feeling a little defensive after the Danielle comment.
"Changed my mind." JC smiled mischievously. "I thought maybe I should keep an eye on my boyfriend instead."
"Good idea." Lance smiled, relieved. "I heard your boyfriend's been seen getting out of a limo with Justin Timberlake and that hot Nick Carter from Backstreet Boys."
"Hm, big deal. And if you ask me, Nick Carter has been 'Super-sizing' his Big Mac meals a little too often. Doesn't he look like he's gaining weight to you?"
"Aren't you the petty little gossip, mister 'have respect for everyone'!!" Lance feigned shock as he slid back under the covers up to his nose.
"Touche." JC grimaced. "That was unkind of me. He's probably stressing out about their album."
"He does look like he could shed a few pounds. though, poor guy. Maybe he should work out with Kevin. Oh, speaking of gossip..." Lance scooted close to JC and dropped his voice to a whisper... "Justin and I think maybe Nick and Kevin are... you know..." He wiggled his eyebrows.
"No!" JC clapped his hand over his mouth in mock horror. "Backdoor Boys!"
"God, you are awful!" Lance laughed and flopped over on his side. "Like WE have any room to talk!"
"Well, you're the gossip, smarty." JC curled up behind Lance. "Wanna make out?" He whispered, wrapping his arm around his lover.
Lance didn't answer, but turned back over to face JC, a little smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
JC kissed him playfully on the nose. "I guess that's a yes."
Lance pulled JC closer, and as their bodies met, he kissed Josh hard on the lips, his tongue forcing its way into the taller boy's mouth. JC moaned appreciatively...
RING! RING!
"Dammit!" JC snarled, reluctantly breaking the lip-lock. "I want a room with no phone!"
Lance stretched out an arm and picked it up. "Yes?" He asked.
"OH MY GOD!!!!" It was Justin, obviously excited.
"What are you doing up so early, Curly? I thought you'd be sleeping late after last night." He grinned.
JC's eyebrows shot up. He fought down a pang of worry -- or was it jealousy? -- wondering what Justin had done with Terry after their date.
"OH MY GOD DO YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE RECORDING WITH TODAY!?!" Justin shrieked into the phone.
"Calm down, Curly!" Lance said after holding the receiver away.
"GLORIA FREAKIN ESTEFAN!!!"
Even JC heard that. "WHAT?! We're recording with Gloria Estefan?!" His jaw dropped.
"Yes," Lance nodded. "It was going to be a surprise. How did you find out, Justin?"
"YOU KNEW! You jerk!" Justin hollered jokingly. "The studio called and asked us to get there early. They said Gloria was already there rehearsing with the musicians!"
"Yeah, we are doing a new song; Diane Warren wrote it for a movie Gloria is going to be in this fall. She asked us to sing with her. I hear it's a great song." Lance grinned at JC, who began thrashing happily around on the bed.
"That is so cool!" JC crowed. "Why didn't you tell us!?!"
Lance shrugged. "At first she was going to record her tracks in Miami while we laid ours down here, but it turned out she was going to be here in LA at the same time we were. She and I agreed that it would be nice to meet and at least rehearse it together to get the feel of the song. I worked it out so we could have some studio time together. I thought it would be fun as a surprise."
"Well I'm gettin' ready! Let's go! Half an hour!" Justin yelped and hung up.
JC just rolled his eyes. "Excitable boy."
"This from the guy who just flung all the covers off the bed! Now I'm cold!"
JC smiled and crawled on top of Lance. "That was nice of you to arrange all that. You know how much everybody loves Gloria Estefan." He said softly.
"So what do I get out of it?" Lance smiled and raised an eyebrow.
"I'll keep you warm, James." He seductively ground his hips into Lance's, then began to kiss the blond's neck.
"Hmmm, I like that." Lance purred, running his fingers through JC's hair.
The phone rang again. JC snatched it up with a snarl.
"No foolin around!" Justin shouted. "Git up, y'all!"
"Justin, what are you doing in there!?! " Terry hollered from just outside the bathroom door. "You're gonna be late."
They hadn't hardly spoken to each other since the night before. After the phone call had awakened them just before seven, Justin had been all caught up in getting ready to meet Gloria Estefan. They were both avoiding talking about the night before, and Terry knew that it needed to be talked about. Justin obviously felt a little weird about it. He wasn't sure why, though of course having your first sexual experience was bound to be a little freaky.
The door popped open and Justin stuck his head out. "Mah 'do has gotta be perfect!"
"It looks fine to me. You're singing, not doing a fashion show."
Justin shot him a look like 'you just don't get it' before stepping back into the bathroom, but he left the door open. "So are you gonna come and meet Gloria?"
"I'd like to, but I think I'd feel out of place. I really don't have any business in the studio."
"You could do an early report on the web site about the song -- get pics with all of us together." Justin kept his eyes on the mirror, deftly flicking a gelled curl here and there.
"That's actually a great idea. Maybe there is more inside that head than peroxide and bubblegum song lyrics. And I thought you were just a pretty face." Terry smirked.
But Justin turned towards him with a frown. "Oh, thanks for the compliment." He snapped. Then he went back to arranging his hair.
"I was just teasing! You know I think you're very smart." Terry tried to reassure him, realizing too late that his offhand remark had hit a nerve with the youth.
"Whatever." Justin brushed past Terry without looking at him.
"Justin, please!"
"So you know where the studio is, come if you want. I'll put you on the list. I got to go."
"Okay, I'll see you there." Terry said uncertainly. He took a step towards Justin to give him a kiss good-bye, but the singer ducked out the door and closed it behind him. 'God, what did I do? He can't really believe I think he's stupid!?' Terry stared at the door sadly.
Justin angrily wiped a tear from his eye. 'So I'm not Einstein, so I can't even defend myself in a fight like he can, so I'm not a computer genius. I'm just some brainless pretty boy to him. That makes me feel real special. And after last night, when everything seemed golden...' Somehow thinking of what he and Terry had shared the night before made the designer's comment even more painful. 'I guess I screwed that up too. Since I didn't know what to do, he thinks I'm a fool and can diss me. I wanted to, I wanted to... I was just scared, dammit! And I thought maybe he didn't mind, until he said that...' He felt tears stinging in his eyes.
"Hey Justin! Heads up!" He practically ran into Joey at the elevator. "Ready to meet Ms. Estefan?"
"Oh, yeah man!" He forced a smile.
"Everything okay? How was your night out last night?" Joey asked gently, seeing through Justin's fake smile.
"Yeah, everything's fine dude, just nervous I guess."
Chris came out of his room still looking half asleep, and Lance and JC emerged from Lance's room hand in hand.
"Hey guys!" Lance grinned.
"Look who's mister sunshine!" Justin snapped. Lance's smile vanished and he looked stricken, as if Justin had physically slapped him.
"Ohh, someone hasn't had his cereal!" JC teased as Joey punched the button to call the elevator.
"Back off, JC, I'm not in the mood." Justin fought back tears again.
"Curly, man what's wrong? Did you guys have a fight or something?" Joey asked with concern.
The elevator arrived and they all stepped in.
"No, we didn't have a fight! It's nuthin, okay?"
The other four guys exchanged worried glances. Chris looked uncomfortable. JC and Lance unconsciously moved closer to each other, their fingers interlacing.
"Okay, sorry!" Joey shrugged and let it drop.
The limo ride to the studio took almost an hour, during which they excitedly talked about meeting one of their musical idols, speculated what the song was like, and how much they looked forward to getting home the next day. Justin was finally perking up towards the end of the ride, but they could all tell he was far from his usual self.
At the studio entrance they signed in. Justin almost forgot to put Terry on the list, and when he remembered for a split second he considered deliberately leaving him off. Then, ashamed of even considering something so petty, he quickly added him. They found their studio and filed quietly into the control booth. There was Diane Warren, along with the producer and a couple of technicians. On the 'lonely side' in the recording room sat a lovely, petite woman wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, bulky headphones on her head.
A couple of the guys didn't even bother to suppress a gasp.
"Oh, man, it's Gloria!" Chris whispered.
Diane shot them a smile that nevertheless said "behave!" then gestured to a pile of sheet music nearby. Across the top was written "Music of My Heart." Lance handed them out silently as they all began to listen to Gloria's voice and read over the music.
After Gloria sang a few lines, however, she realized that the guys had arrived and signaled for a break. She hurried through the soundproof door. "Good morning, 'N Sync!" She smiled, extending her hand.
They all looked up, five faces grinning foolishly. Lance recovered first and gently took her hand. "It's an honor, Ms Estefan." He smiled. "I'm Lance."
"Why thank you, Lance, it's my pleasure." She smiled warmly. "But if you don't call me Gloria I'll have to hurt you."
They all laughed at the thought of Gloria Estefan putting the hurt on Lance. Introductions went all around, and even Justin got into the spirit, flashing his trademark grin.
"I can see you how slay the girls with that smile, Justin." Gloria raised an eyebrow. "I hope they realize what a talented signer you are as well."
Justin looked down sheepishly, his face reddening. "Wow, thanks... Gloria."
"I'm serious, guys, I am very excited about working with you. You all have wonderful voices, but even more important is how you blend together. I've listened to all of your music and some of your harmonies are just gorgeous. I'm looking forward to you bringing that to Diane's song. She had you in mind when she wrote it, and we are both delighted that we could work together on this."
The boys smiled shyly and muttered embarrassed thanks.
Gloria looked over at Diane. "They are talented, cute and modest too, how often do you see that?" She grinned.
"Not often around here!" Diane agreed.
"Well, you guys, I don't know about you but I need something to eat. There's a spread over in the lounge, and maybe we could go over the song and the background where we'll be more comfortable."
"Sounds good!" Joey said happily, holding his growling stomach.
Gloria made them all feel at ease right away, and soon they were laughing and joking together. She didn't miss the fact that Lance and JC were inseparable, and she noticed JC absently caressing Lance's hand while she gave them background on the "Music of the Heart" movie.
After they finished eating, they went back over to the studio and went over the music. Diane sat at the piano and demonstrated the melody and everyone's part as she had envisioned it. "Of course, I want your input, and be thinking of your ad libs." She smiled. "Let's try a run-through, okay?"
They all nodded, got settled and ready. In their headphones they listened to the rhythm track....
Music of My Heart Diane Warren
Justin sings: "You'll never know what you've done for me. What your faith in me... has done for my soul. You'll never know the gift you've given me. I'll carry it with me....
Then JC enters: Through the days ahead I'll think of days before. You made me hope for something better; and made me reach for something more.
CHORUS ('N Sync)
The Gloria joins in, duet with Justin: You were the one... always on my side always on my side (Justin) always standing by always standing by (Justin) seeing me through...
Everyone/Gloria: You were the song that always made me sing I'm singing this for you Everywhere I go I'll think of where I've been and of the one who knew me better than anyone ever will again.
CHORUS
Gloria and JC: What you taught me... only your love could ever teach me you got through when no one could ever reach me before 'cause you always saw in me all the best I could be it was you who set me free...
CHORUS
Key change, CHORUS
Chorus: You taught me to run, you taught me to fly, Helped me to free the me inside. Helped me hear the music of my heart. You've opened my eyes, you've opened the door To something I've never known before And your love is the music of my heart.
As soon as he heard the melody and read the lyrics, Lance was overwhelmed by the personal meaning he got from them. Of course it wasn't the intended meaning of the song, but meaning was where you found it. At the first chorus, Lance couldn't help looking over at JC, who he realized was smiling at him. They already had the words memorized, and sang to each other:
You taught me to run, you taught me to fly, Helped me to free the me inside. Helped me hear the music of my heart.
You've opened my eyes, you've opened the door To something I've never known before And your love is the music of my heart.
As the song progressed, JC and Lance's looks weren't lost on anyone, including Gloria. Justin noticed, then pointedly kept his gaze away from them. He found meaning of the words too, and he felt foolish for overreacting to Terry's comment that morning. He wished Terry were here to share this with him now, and found himself looking for the tall, dark-haired young man to appear in the control booth. Something about this song... maybe he could make Terry understand how he felt....
"You'll never know what you've done for me. What your faith in me... has done for my soul. You'll never know the gift you've given me. I'll carry it with me...."
The rehearsal went very smoothly, though Justin continued to be distracted. Gloria called for a break after a couple of hours. As they left the studio, Joey pulled Justin aside. "I need to talk to you, Curly."
"Okay, sure." Justin wouldn't meet his gaze.
"Let's go to this other lounge down the hall." They got inside and Joey closed the door. "Well?" He demanded, but his face wore an expression of concern.
"Well what?" Justin still wouldn't look him in the eye.
"He didn't... hurt you did he?" Joey put his hand on Justin's shoulder. "Cause if he did..."
"No!" The blond snapped. "In fact, he fought off four gay-bashers with knives and bats while I stood there like a helpless kid. He got hurt, but I couldn't do nuthin!"
"What!?!" Joey's mouth fell open.
Justin told him the whole story about their encounter.
"Man talk about scary, you are lucky to be alive, Curly." Joey was visibly shaken from just hearing about it.
But Justin was already moving on. "And then last night we... well it was great... or at least he was...." He blushed. "But this morning he said something that made me wonder if maybe he thinks I'm just some stupid kid. And now... maybe I took it the wrong way... man I'm messed up!" He cried.
"Justin, man..." Joey pulled him into a hug. "He doesn't think you're stupid. He just told me the other day about how he was amazed how fast you picked up the stuff he showed you on the computer."
"Really?" Justin pulled back to look at him.
"Yeah really. He likes you a lot Jus', and he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would hang out with someone if he didn't think they were pretty special."
"Well, I guess. Though sometimes I think he's just waiting for a chance to get to Scoop."
"Huh?" Joey was dumbfounded.
"Yeah." Justin shrugged. "He admitted one day that he'd had a thing for Lance since way back, long before he met us."
"But...that was just a fan thing." Joey struggled to recover in the face of this news... and for a moment he doubted Terry's motivations as well. "He knows Lance and JC are together anyway. Justin, I'm sure that's not it; but you need to talk to him about this and not let it stew around in your head and mess you up."
"I know." Justin sniffed.
"Well, we better go back."
Just as they came out into the lobby, Terry walked in, computer bag over his shoulder. He saw Justin and Joey and managed a weak smile.
"Excellent timing!" Joey grinned. He turned to Justin. "I'll see you in a few minutes." Then he waved to Terry and scooted down the hall.
"Hi." Terry said.
"Hi." Justin smiled shyly.
"Um, do you have a minute?"
"Sure. Wanna go in here?" He gestured towards the lounge.
"Okay." Terry followed him in, and set his bag down on a chair.
Justin walked over to a picture window that overlooked a landscaped lawn. He stared out, not really seeing anything, his back to Terry.
Terry wanted so badly to go over and hug Justin, but he was afraid he would be rebuffed like that morning. He made it halfway across the room and stopped. "I'm sorry about what I said this morning. I never meant to hurt your feelings." He murmured.
"I know." Justin answered tonelessly. He was fighting tears again.
Terry stood uncertainly for a moment, then suddenly the words came flooding out. "Justin, don't you realize how intimidating it is for me to be around you? You are famous around the world; millions of people adore you. I'm a nobody! Worse; people resent me when they see me with you. Do you know how many nights I've lain awake next to you in bed wondering what the hell I ever did to deserve the time I've had with you? I never, never meant to hurt you with that comment. It's ironic really, because I hate to be teased myself. I never know how to take it and I always let my feelings get hurt. You'd think I would have learned not to tease other people... especially someone I care about as much as I care for you." His chest ached as he felt a growing sense of loss.
The silence dragged on until Terry was afraid Justin wouldn't say anything. Finally, the teenager said, very softly, still facing away, "I guess... I guess I never thought you were impressed with me that way. I mean sure, junior-high girls fall for me, but they're just fans, and they don't know me anyway. I guess I thought we were more like buds, like equals, but more than that too. But you scare me man."
"Scare you!" Terry looked up in shock. "Justin I would never mean to --"
"No, not like that." The blond smiled reassuringly, and even turned partway around--then he turned back. "You scare me because you are so complicated. I can practically hear stuff going on in your head all the time. It's... intimidating. I guess that's a better word."
Terry came to stand next to Justin at the window. "But that doesn't mean I don't want the same things you do. And maybe I have some skills you don't, but I can't carry a tune in a bucket, and I suck at sports -- two areas where I hear you are pretty talented." He was relieved when he saw he'd managed to get another little smile from Justin. He very gently put his hand on the singer's shoulder. "I really like you a lot, and I like being with you. Last night was really special for me. But I... I understand if you're having doubts about this, okay? I don't blame you. It's only been, what, a week? Kind of a whirlwind romance." He smiled crookedly.
"Yah, kinda sudden." Justin managed to glance over at him with a little smirk before looking outside again.
'I'm losing him...' Terry thought sadly. 'I knew this would never work.' He reluctantly withdrew his hand. Justin didn't move. "Well, I guess I'll go back to the hotel. I hope we can still be friends at least, but if you're uncomfortable with me being around, I understand that too. I can ask the label to get me something else, another assignment. Just let me know what you want me to do. Or tell Joey or Lance or somebody if that's easier." The designer managed to hold onto his composure as he walked to the door.
"Okay." Justin's voice was barely audible.
Terry just stood there for a moment. He had just turned over his future to an eighteen-year-old who probably despised him right now. But he didn't care. All he could think about was that he had screwed up a chance at happiness with an incredible guy. He'd fucked up his life again. Or maybe this was just doomed from the beginning. Either way, he had no more business here.
The last-minute reprieve wasn't coming, Terry realized sadly. He picked up his bag and stepped out into the hall -- and almost ran into two young women. The leading one had long, dirty blonde hair and a pink midriff-and-shorts outfit. She looked vaguely familiar. The other, taller one, had on a skirt, a rather tight sweater, and too much lipstick. He was too busy avoiding them to notice that Justin had turned around, a stricken look on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, then he saw the women and stopped his eyes wide.
"Ex-cuse me!" The shorter one flipped the back of her hand towards Terry dismissively as she brushed past. "Is Justin -- there's my honey!" She squealed, her face lighting up into a blinding smile as she trotted up to the surprised Justin and gave him a dramatic hug. Then she kissed him... on the mouth. Justin caught Terry's eye but didn't react. Terry turned and walked out.
Still in the doorway, Danielle Fishel put her hands on her hips and affected a pout. "Well Britney, we found YOUR boyfriend, now we need to track down MY boyfriend. Justin, darling, where's Lance?"
Meanwhile, in another room down the hall, Gloria, JC and Lance were getting coffee. Gloria had insisted that they tell her the whole boat accident story.
"Well, I'm so glad everything has worked out okay." She said when they were done. "So, how long have you two been together?" She asked with a mischievous little smile.
"Uhhh..." Lance's jaw dropped.
"Don't worry, I think you guys make a great couple!" She beamed.
"Uh, we are that obvious?" Lance was still reeling. JC just stood there with a little smile playing across his lips, liking Gloria more and more every minute. "Well..." She rolled her eyes skyward. "I think I guessed it somewhere between when you put your hand on JC's thigh, and when he looked right into your eyes as he sang '..you've opened the door... to something I've never known before... and your love is the music of my heart.'" Then she grinned at Lance's wide eyes. "I guess it doesn't bother you then, that we, uh..." Lance continued to stutter.
But Gloria just smiled and patted him on the cheek. "You know, I had drag queens in my concert tour a couple of years ago, boys."
"Drag queens?" Lance looked even more confused, like this discussion was going too fast for him.
"Yes, they came out during 'Everlasting Love.' They were a big hit every time!"
"Those were drag queens?"
JC and Gloria both burst out laughing. Then Gloria asked JC "Where did you find him?"
"He's from Mississippi." JC answered with a smirk, as if that explanation was enough. Then he turned to Lance. "Hey man you got something on your shirt..." He reached down towards the blond's chest.
Lance looked down, falling for the old trick like he always did... "What? Did I spill something at breakfast?"
...and JC chucked him under the chin. "Gotcha!" He grinned and Gloria giggled.
Lance blushed. "Okay, so I'm kinda gullible, sorry." He shot JC a look which said 'I can't believe you humiliated me in front of Gloria Estefan!'
But Gloria put her hand on his arm reassuringly. "Don't change Lance, I think it's sweet that you're so trusting."
JC put his arm around Lance and hugged him. "He'd better not change; it's one of the many things I love about him!" Lance smiled half-heartedly.
"Oh, my, you guys are too cute for words!" Gloria said with a smile. "I won't need any sugar in my coffee today!" She added, then started down the hall. "See you back in the booth in a few minutes."
"I'm sorry." JC took Lance's hands and smiled gently.
"Then don't do it again." The blond sighed and looked away. "It gets kind of old, okay?"
JC's brows furrowed. "I didn't know it bothered you, really. I think it is sweet that you are so trusting. I won't tease you about it again, I promise... James?" He tried to get Lance to meet his gaze.
Finally the blond shrugged and managed a weak smile back at him. "Let's just drop it, okay?" "Okay." But JC felt guilty and confused; he'd teased Lance before and had never seen him this sensitive about it. He squeezed Lance's hands. "Please don't be mad at me; it kills me." He begged. He earned a genuine smile from Lance then. "You know I can't stay mad at you. And I know you don't mean anything by it when you tease me. But sometimes it just brings back bad memories... from when I was younger." His smile faded as he remembered. "I'm sorry James. I really am." JC pulled him into a hug and kissed him tenderly. Lance returned the kiss, his hands roaming over JC's sinewy back. Then he rested his forehead against JC's. "Mmm, apology accepted, Mister Chasez. Now I guess we should be getting back." "Cool. I can't wait to sing 'Your love... is the music of my heart' to you again." "You're a very silly young man." Lance smirked. "And you're a very cute one." JC bumped hips with him playfully. Hand in hand they headed back to their studio. They were completely unprepared for what -- or who -- was waiting for them.
His head in a fog of pain and confusion, Terry practically ran out the studio exit. All he could see in his mind was the image of Britney Spears kissing Justin, and calling him 'honey'. That was not a 'just friends' kiss either, and Justin made no attempt to stop her. His Justin, who he had made love with just hours earlier, who he thought he might be IN love with. But this only drove home to him that he didn't belong here. He didn't understand Justin's life, or what any of this was all about. He only knew that he couldn't deal with this emotional roller-coaster for one more day.
He hailed a cab, climbed in, managed to tell the driver his hotel, then put his head down on his computer bag. He didn't cry, though he wanted to.
At the hotel he numbly went to his room and laid on the bed. It only took him a few minutes to make a decision. He would not leave this up to Justin. It would be better for everyone if he removed himself from this formula. Justin could work out his own issues with JC and Lance and Britney. Terry never thought he would be homesick for his apartment in Washington. Here he was jetting around with pop stars! But he just couldn't handle this. First his crush on Lance, his growing feelings for Justin, and now, everything that happened today... what was Justin's relationship with Britney? The designer had heard the persistent rumors what she and Justin were dating, but Justin hadn't even mentioned her once the whole time he had been with Terry.
Well, that was the last straw. Instead of going to Orlando with the rest of them, he would go home to DC... tonight. He looked at his watch. It was still early afternoon; he had a few hours to get out before the boys of 'N Sync would be returning. He'd have to leave them a note. Time to write that later, he though, as his eyes began to burn with tears again.
Terry rolled over on his side and curled up in a ball, clutching a pillow. He finally released all the pain that had been fighting to break free. His body convulsed with violent, yet almost noiseless, sobs....
To be continued...
End of Part THIRTEEN! Email me and tell me what you think! lictor (at) aol (dot) com