'N SYNC: LANCE 'N' JC CHAPTER 14 ----------
Usual disclaimer applies: This is a work of fiction. It is not meant to imply anything about the sexual orientation, beliefs or anything else about the real members of 'N Sync (but we can dream), the Backstreet Boys, or anyone else. If you are under 18, or are offended by graphic depictions of homosexual relationships, please go back now.
Story content copyright 1999 T. Kevin.
As usual, I love to hear from you guys! Email me at lictor (at) aol (dot) com. Special thanks to all who wrote worried about Terry and Justin. We'll have to see if things work out for them or not. And yes, Gloria Estefan DID have drag queens in her show a couple of years ago! :)
Cheers, Kevin
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
"Hey, Brit, gotta go!" Justin extricated himself from Britney's embrace and ran after Terry.
"Well, that's a fine welcome!" She huffed, hands on hips.
Danielle blocked his way at the door, arms akimbo. "Where's Lance?" She demanded.
"Out of my way you little 'ho." Justin snarled under his breath. When it was obvious she wasn't going to move, he physically pushed her aside.
"Someone needs to learn some manners!" She called after him, a little smirk on her face. She was going to enjoy making life difficult for that one. And poor Britney, that deluded bimbo, didn't even know he was gay yet! 'Or maybe she does know and is just using him for publicity...' Danielle hadn't considered that possibility. Perhaps Britney Spears wasn't as stupid as she looked. Danielle had only known her a few hours, since Alex from the record company had introduced them. Danielle had written her off as a conceited airhead, but maybe there was more to her than a voice, a midriff and a pair of fake boobs.
Meanwhile, Justin made his way to the main entrance and burst outside only to see Terry climb into a cab and ride away. He pulled out his phone and hit autodial. It rang several times while Justin watched the cab disappear down the road. Then...
"Hey this is Terry McLaren with Cybermedia. I'm on the road but checking my messages. Leave your name and number and I'll get back to yah."
"Terry, this is Justin! I know you saw that thing with Britney and it doesn't mean anything okay!? She's just a friend! Please call me!! Otherwise I'll talk to you tonight. I'm sorry, man okay? I've been an ass. Um, I love you." He hit the off button and stood on the sidewalk, a sick feeling growing in his stomach.
Danielle convinced Britney that they should find the suite where the boys were recording because eventually Justin would have to come back there. They wandered through the complex and had to show access passes twice before they found the right suite. Taking charge of the situation, Danielle burst through control booth and right into the room where Lance, Joey, JC, Chris and Gloria were standing around and chatting. Though she hadn't met JC, Joey and Chris, she of course recognized them from pictures and videos. She felt a tiny twinge of guilt when she noticed that Lance and JC were holding hands, but quickly pushed it aside. 'Look at him! Not even trying to hide the fact that he's a queer!' RCA was paying her a lot of money to pull off this charade, and she was determined to make it work. Not for Lance, the ungrateful worm, but as an acting challenge. All this went through her mind in an instant as everyone looked up in surprise. She put on her best ditsy girlfriend smile and skittered up to Lance, arms spread wide. "Lance, sweetie! How's my sexy boyfriend! I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner, but I couldn't drag Britney out of the mall!" She threw her arms around the surprised Lance and gave him a big kiss on the mouth -- or tried to. He turned his head at the last moment and got a big lipstick smear on his cheek. Over Lance's shoulder she smiled evilly at JC, who's eyes would have shot laser beams if they could.
Gloria, meanwhile, raised her eyebrows and looked over at Joey and Chris as if hoping for an explanation. After all, Lance and JC had just told her they were together. But the other two guys looked as confused as she felt.
Finally Lance peeled Danielle off of himself and held her arms away from his body. "You can skip the act for now, Danielle," he sighed. "Everyone here knows about me and JC. What are you doing here anyway?"
Danielle rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Have it your way. Alex called me this morning because he knew I had the day off from filming. He wanted me to meet Britney and thought it would be good if we dropped in."
Lance turned to Gloria. "I apologize for this interruption. Gloria, this is Danielle Fishel, she stars on a TV sitcom. Our record company hired Danielle as a fake girlfriend for me because they are concerned about my image with the girl fans."
Gloria nodded to Danielle. "I'm sorry." She said quietly.
"Excuse me?" Danielle furrowed her brows.
"I'm sorry you have to humiliate yourself like this, pretending to be Lance's girlfriend. I'm sorry Lance and JC have to play along with such a charade. I'm sorry we live in a world where it matters so much who Lance loves or how the loves them. Instead of being happy for him that he has found someone special who he cares for, his managers have to create a farcical girlfriend for him to protect their precious record sales." Gloria Estefan gently squeezed Lance's arm for a moment, put her music down and walked out of the room.
"That's one hell of a woman." Chris muttered.
Everyone else -- even Danielle -- stood in stunned silence for a moment. JC came up behind Lance, protectively put his arms around him and rested his head on his shoulder. Lance just pressed his lips together and raised his eyebrows at Danielle.
The actress cleared her throat nervously. "Lance, it's not my goal to make this unpleasant for you," She carefully avoided JC's dagger-glare, "But I've been hired to do a job, and my understanding is that you are supposed to cooperate with me, not fight me at every turn. If you want to stop this 'charade' you're going to have to talk to your manager. I am not the enemy, okay? Now, since I'm not needed or welcome here, I think I'll try to take what's left of my pride and go before some other pop legend makes me feel two inches tall." As she headed out of the room, she said in a sing-song voice... "Oh hello, Cher, hello Mister Springsteen, hello, Miss Ross, yes I play Topanga on TV but here I'm playing the Wicked Home-wrecking Beard of the West!" With a flip of her hand she was out the door.
She was barely gone, however, when Justin loped in, Britney hot on his heels. "Sorry I'm late guys! I was trying to catch up to Terry. What's wrong with Gloria? I just passed her in the hall and she looked kind of upset." He pointedly ignored Britney as she put her arm around his waist and leaned against him.
"Hi guys!" She waved at them perkily.
"Hi Brit." They muttered without enthusiasm. Up until the Hawaii trip, Justin and Britney's relationship had been blissfully ambiguous to everyone else. No one had even suspected that Justin might be gay, and all assumed that he and Britney were engaged in a flirty, quasi-dating situation. As such, she was welcomed by the rest of them as sort of a little sister. With Justin's revelations and Terry's entrance into the situation, however, suddenly Britney's presence made everyone uncomfortable.
"What a happy crew!" She tossed her mane of hair. If she noticed JC and Lance's rather friendly embrace she showed no sign.
"Britney..." Justin began reluctantly, "We need to have a talk."
"About what, sweetie?" She asked coyly as everyone else tried to move away and concentrate on their music without being too obvious.
Not satisfied with that, Justin took her by the arm and led her gently but firmly to the farthest corner of the room. "Well, first of all, I'm not your 'sweetie'. Britney, we've been friends for a long time, so I'm gonna give it to you straight. We are not dating. We are not going to be dating... ever. I would appreciate it if you stopped tellin' the teen rags that we are."
Britney looked away, twisting her hair between her fingers nervously. "But we could be dating, if you'd only cooperate. We make such a cute couple -- everybody says so!"
"But we are not a couple! We are just friends, and that is how its gonna stay."
Then something apparently snapped. "What is your problem!!" Britney shrieked, pulling away from him, stomping her foot and staring at him like he had suddenly developed a contagious disease. "How can you not like me? Are you queer or something!?"
"Brit, I don't know what to tell you..."
Just then, one of the technicians came in. "I'm sorry everyone, but I need to clear the studio so we can finish the taping session for the day. As you know, we're paying for this time whether we're actually recording or not." He looked pointedly at Britney, his expression sliding from disapproval to something approaching a leer as his gaze traveled down to her gravity- defying bust.
"I think Danielle is looking for you." Chris said helpfully, trying not to smirk.
Seeing no allies in the room, Britney Spears rolled her eyes and walked out. "Wait until I talk to your mother, Justin Randall Timberlake!" She called over her shoulder.
After the young diva was out of earshot, Diane spoke to them through the intercom. "Now that we have the histrionics out of the way, maybe we can get some work done. Gloria is taking care of other business and will be back later, so why don't we work on the backing vocals?
Things went smoothly the rest of the afternoon, though Justin was distracted thinking about the events with Terry and Britney.
Late in the day, he sat alone in the recording room singing his opening solo...
"You'll never know what you've done for me. What your faith in me... has done for my soul. You'll never know the gift you've given me. I'll carry it with me...."
"Wonderful, Justin!" Diane praised after they cut. "You really poured your soul in that one! I can hear young girls' hearts breaking!"
Justin saw Lance give him the thumbs-up from behind the glass. Lance understood.
Terry woke up with a start, groggy and disoriented. 'I should never take naps! Not that I had intended to fall asleep,' he thought as he looked at his watch. Almost five o'clock. He'd better get moving, since the last thing he wanted to do was run into Justin or anyone else from 'N Sync on his way out.
He threw his clothes haphazardly in his suitcase while on the phone making his reservation. His bag was stuffed full and he had to force it shut by holding it down with his knee. He further strained his already sore arm and almost caught his finger in the latch in the process. Finally he closed his bag and had his flight booked.
His next unpleasant duty was swallowing his pride and calling his boss back home... then he realized that it was already eight o'clock on the east coast. 'Well, I guess I just have to hope I have a job. I can't stay here.'
With a sigh he sat down at the desk and pulled out a sheet of hotel stationery.
"Dear Justin,
I am so sorry to leave you like this, but I just can't go on the way things are...
He kept his composure through the whole thing, re-read it, then he folded it carefully and put it in an envelope and sealed it. He wrote JUSTIN on the front in large letters. He sat staring at it for a long time, unable to find the will to get up from the desk. Finally, though, the thought of the guys returning soon and his flight in less than two hours got him moving. He went to Justin's room and -- after hesitating one last time -- slipped the envelope under the door. Then he went to get his bags.
In the lobby, Terry passed Nick Carter of Backstreet Boys -- at least he thought it was Nick; Justin did say they were staying in this same hotel. Terry didn't follow them as closely as he had 'N Sync, so he wasn't sure he could identify them if he saw them on the street. This guy could have been Nick, but he was a wreck: shirt half untucked, eyes red, hair a mess. He seemed sick -- or hung over -- wandering uncertainly around the lobby. He looked kind of out of shape too, almost pudgy. 'Nobody in 'N Sync would let themselves go like that.' He thought, shaking his head. He couldn't help thinking of Justin's lean, beautiful body... He ached thinking that he would never hold Justin again, never snuggle up against him... He took a deep breath and willed the thought from his mind.
Before stepping outside, he fished out his Wayfarers and put them on. 'I'll be glad to get away from all this damn Southern California sunshine. Give me rain and sleet and overcast skies any day.'
The doorman got him a cab and he was on his way to LAX.
They didn't get out of the studio until nearly seven that night, dead- tired as they piled into the waiting limo. Soon they were on their way back to the hotel.
"He's not answering either of his mobile phones." Justin thumbed the 'off' button on his StarTac. He'd been trying to reach Terry all afternoon.
Chris scowled and leaned over Justin to peer at his phone display. "Terry has two cell phones? And you have both numbers in autodial already?"
"He uses one for his modem, usually." Justin pouted, ignoring the second part of Chris' question.
"I don't even have my mother's number programmed in my phone." Chris pulled out his own cell and looked at it like it might bite him. "I can't figure out how to do it."
"Here, let me show you." Justin reached over to take it.
"I don't need your help, gay boy!" Chris snapped, jerking his hand away. Then his eyes went wide as if even he couldn't believe what he had just said.
Justin recoiled as if he had been slapped. His expression was a mix of shock and pain.
The other three guys all looked at Chris in surprise -- but JC's face quickly turned to a mask of rage. "What the HELL kind of comment was that?"
"It was a joke, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way, Curly." Chris looked at the floor.
Justin turned his body away, towards the car door. It was obvious he was fighting tears.
"It wasn't a joke, was it?" Joey said quietly. "You've a real problem with Justin and Terry."
"And is it me and JC too?" Lance looked intently at the oldest member of the group.
"I just... I just don't understand what's happening!" Chris exploded. "Justin is all whacked over this guy who he barely knows, and he'll barely give me the time of day anymore. I feel like I'm losing you all!" He ran his hands through his braids, still unable to look up and meet anyone's gaze. "And I won't lie to you, I just don't understand the whole gay thing. Why would you guys want to be gay? I mean, the only gays I knew in high school were outcasts, they were all messed up in the head, real fruitcakes. You guys aren't like that! You're my friends." He finally sat up and looked over at Justin, his expression of anger as much as hurt. "And you, I feel like you betrayed me! You were my best friend, and suddenly you make this glib announcement that you're queer, like saying you're gonna dye your hair a different color!"
Justin, still looking away, started to curl up in a fetal position, as if he was trying to get as far away from Chris and his accusations as possible, to make himself a smaller target.
"That's enough!" JC bellowed.
"We need to talk this out, Josh. Obviously Chris has got some issues." Lance put his hand on JC's arm.
"I don't know if the back of a limo is the right place." JC muttered. "It's a little confined."
"Maybe I should just quit the group!" Chris snapped. "Joey, you say you're straight but you have taken their side on everything! You even support Justin being with Terry! He is way too old for Curly."
"I'm not taking anyone's 'side,' you are just being unfair." Joey responded.
Justin spoke, still facing the window, "Terry's the same age as you, Chris. In fact, he's one day younger than you."
"Oh jeez you know his birthday now too!" Chris threw up his hands. "Well, it's different, Curly. He wants to be your boyfriend. He's too old for you! I think he's convinced you that you're gay!"
"It's not different, and he didn't 'convince' me of anything!" Justin suddenly unfolded himself and turned on Chris in one fluid motion. "Maybe you're the one who should be acting your age for a change!" He stabbed a finger in Chris's face.
"I'm beginning to agree with you about the confined space." Lance muttered to JC.
But Chris just looked pained and said nothing for a long moment, staring at Justin. Then he sighed and his shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry Curly. This is gonna sound strange, but I miss you, man. Maybe I'm jealous cause he gets all your attention these days. You never hang with me anymore."
Justin's expression softened. "It hasn't been that bad..." He said uncertainly... "Has it?"
"Well, it's understandable that you want to spend a lot of time with him since you just met and want to get to know each other better." Lance said, trying to be the voice of reason. "Chris, I think if you give Justin a little more time things will balance out. And in a few weeks we'll be on tour: all of us will be in that bus together seeing more of each other than we want to."
"And smelling more than we want to." Justin rolled his eyes and looked pointedly at Joey.
"What!?!" Joey tried to look hurt and surprised. "I do not smell!"
They all looked at Joey with variations on the same expression. The tension was broken, at least temporarily.
By the time they arrived back at the hotel, Justin's anxiety about Terry had reached a peak. 'Why hasn't he answered my calls? Did something happen to him? Surely he didn't really think that Britney and I...'
JC put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "We're going to go clean up. Why don't you go talk to Terry and see if he wants to join us all for dinner."
"Cool, thanks JC." Justin managed a smile.
"I think it would be nice if we all got to know him a little better -- especially since he's going to be living with us the next few months." JC smiled crookedly.
Justin went to Terry's room and knocked. No answer. He felt his heart beating faster and his breath getting short. He knocked again. Still nothing. He reluctantly headed back to his room, hoping that there was a message on the room phone. Justin opened the door and his gaze fell immediately on the envelope just inside. He was almost hyperventilating as he picked it up and opened it with shaking hands.
It occurred to him that he'd never seen Terry's handwriting before. It was neat and angular, like architectural lettering. As he began to read, a terrible pain spread in his chest, this throat became so tight he couldn't swallow. Tears burned his eyes and ran down his cheeks.
Dear Justin,
I am so sorry to leave you like this, but I just can't go on the way things are. Seeing you with that girl -- I guess it was Britney Spears -- wasn't the only thing, but on top of everything else it was more than I could handle. I guess we are just from two different worlds, worlds that aren't compatible.
I'll say it again, I am so sorry that I insulted you this morning, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I respect you so much, you'll never know. I also think I care about you enough to know that if we tried to be together we would just end up hurting each other whether we wanted to or not, and the one thing I can't bear is to hurt you again. Maybe I'm being a coward and running away, but I think in the end it is the best thing for us if I go, and the thought of saying good-bye to you in person was too much for me to handle.
I'll be sending my resignation from the tour assignment and my subcontract employment with TransCon/RCA to Alex in the morning. My boss at Cybermedia won't be happy but I think I'll still have my old job when I get back to DC. Good luck with the tour and everything.
I can't think of anything else to say except I'm sorry. You're a wonderful guy and you deserve better than me. If it means anything, I love you.
Terry
Justin kept staring at the letter, as if by sheer willpower he could change the words to mean something else. "Dammit, how could you leave me!?" He whispered, angry and hurt and frustrated all at once. The burning tears continued to flow. A few dripped on the letter, making the ink run. He finally folded the paper and laid it on the table, then very slowly and methodically got undressed and crawled into bed. He quietly cried into his pillow until he couldn't cry anymore.
The phone rang; he ignored it. It rang again. Several minutes later there was a loud banging on his door. "Justin! Are you in there!?" It was JC. "Justin! We went to Terry's room... Justin, I know you're in there, open up or I'm calling security to let me in!"
Justin dragged himself to his feet. His limbs felt like dead weights but he shuffled to the door, still dressed only in his boxes and a t-shirt, and unlocked it.
JC threw it open and barged in, followed closely by Lance. "Justin, man, what is going on? Terry's room is empty, like he checked out!"
In answer Justin handed him the letter, then laid down on the bed again.
JC and Lance read it together. "Terry saw you kissing Britney?" Lance said softly. "You didn't tell us that. He doesn't understand that she's just a friend from MMC?"
Justin shook his head.
"Justin I'm so sorry." Lance sat next him on the bed and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "What can we do?"
"I dunno." Justin said, his voice full of despair. "He won't let me talk to him, to explain... "
"Maybe he just needs some time to think." JC suggested. There was a tiny little voice in JC's mind that said 'With Terry gone, Alex won't be able to force Lance to be nice to that bitch Danielle...' but he silenced it, angry at himself for seeing a benefit for him in Justin's pain.
"You read the letter! He's quitting! He's giving up! He's giving up on me."
"It's not your fault, man!" Lance tried to hug him, but the lanky youth pulled away and stood up.
"How could he save my life last night, then leave me the next day? Does he care for me or not?" Justin waved his arms in the air in frustration.
"Well, I don't want to second-guess him," Lance began tentatively, "But I think he cares for you very much. So much that he's afraid of hurting you himself. He saved you from a physical threat, but he seems like maybe he's not so good at dealing with emotions. Has he been in any long-term relationships?"
"The longest was less than a year I think. But so what? None of us has been in a long relationship either." Justin stared out the window.
"But it seems like he feels that because he's older he should be more experienced, never making a mistake or doing anything to hurt you. Then he did today..."
"So you're saying it's my fault!" Justin wailed, putting his face in his hands.
"No!" Lance stood up and grabbed the taller youth by the shoulders. "It's not anyone's fault! Why does it always have to be someone's fault! You had a misunderstanding. You were mature enough to try to patch it up. He may be older, but maybe he needs more time. Or maybe he's just not ready to be with someone. I don't know." Lance sighed. No one said anything for a long time, then Lance added "But the thought of turning his life upside down and getting on a bus with us five idiots for months should scare any sane man away." Lance tried to lighten things up and he did get a momentary smile from Justin. But only momentary.
"I just need to be alone, okay?" Justin whispered after a moment.
"Are you sure, Curly?" Lance asked.
"Yeah, I wouldn't be much fun to hang with tonight." He smiled weakly.
"Justin, man, it's not about whether you're gonna be fun, it's about you not being lonely tonight!" JC said earnestly. Without a word he walked over to Justin's side and put his arm around him.
Terry got off the plane and wandered towards the baggage claim. He felt like he was walking in some sort of dream. It was almost midnight and National Airport was shutting down soon, so there were very few people around. All the shops were closed up, making it seem even more desolate and lonely.
He got his suitcase and wandered out to find a cab. It was freezing cold, overcast and windy; the streets were wet and scattered with patches of half-melted ice. 'I guess I got what I asked for; this sure isn't southern California. And not Orlando either.' He wondered what Justin was doing at that moment. Hopefully sleeping peacefully or playing a video game with Chris, and maybe not too angry at Terry. 'He'll forget me before too long, with the excitement of the tour and all.'
He got a cab and gave directions to the driver to his apartment in Dupont Circle. He considered going out for a drink when he got home. It took him a moment to even remember what day of the week it was; his life the last few weeks had been such a roller-coaster that he'd lost all grasp of the calendar.
The cab ride was uneventful. He looked at the monuments as they drove over the Potomac River, feeling inexplicably like a stranger in this city that had been his home for almost five years.
Once at the door of his apartment -- he lived in the top floor of a renovated brownstone -- he dug out his keys and let himself in. His home smelled musty... and it was cold of course, the heat left at 60 degrees or so. All his familiar things seemed strange, like this was someone else's home.
He left his suitcase in the living room -- laundry could wait until tomorrow -- and wandered to his bedroom, turning up the thermostat on the way. Everything was as he had left it of course, including the picture of Lance on his dresser, the one he'd bought at a concert last year. Terry smiled ruefully at the photo. Ironic that he had started this trip with a crush on Lance only to end it because he was in love with Justin.
Already half-asleep, he undressed and crawled into bed. He would deal with everything else... tomorrow.
In the end Lance and JC convinced Justin to come over to their room. Chris and Joey joined them and they all watched a movie together. Chris was the picture of contrition and did his best to be sympathetic to Justin's mood.
In fact it did make them all feel somewhat better; after all it was almost like old times: just the five of them hanging out together. Lance and JC made a point of not sitting together -- Lance on the bed with Joey and JC on the floor -- but after a few minutes, Justin looked over at them both with a little smile. "You guys don't have to do this on my account."
"What?" Asked Lance innocently.
"This." He wiggled his finger back and forth between them. "I know you guys would rather be together, you don't have to be all chill. Just don't make out in front of us single guys."
Lance and JC exchanged glances. JC hesitated a moment, then crawled up on the bed next to Lance and laid his head on his shoulder. Lance smiled and ran his fingers tenderly through JC's hair.
Joey folded his arms and sighed dramatically. "Fine! Spurn me, Lance! What does JC have that I don't?" Lance opened his mouth to speak, but Joey held up his hands. "No wait! I DON'T want to know!"
That broke everybody up, and they relaxed a bit.
After the movie they said their good-nights; Justin Joey and Chris headed out.
"Are you gonna be okay, Just?" Joey asked as they headed down the hall to their rooms.
"I'd be lyin' if I said I was okay, but I'll get by. Thanks, man." He smiled weakly.
"Okay. But call if you need someone to talk to, okay? No matter what time." Joey gave him a little smack on the shoulder.
"Okay." Justin let himself into his room. He got undressed down to his boxers and a t-shirt and slid between the cool sheets, grateful that he was so tired that maybe he wouldn't lie awake too long thinking about Terry...
Someone was quietly knocking on the door... he'd come back! Justin leapt to his feet and flung the door open.
There stood Nick Carter, and he looked like hell.
"Uh, Nick?" What's going on? It's kinda late." Justin made no attempt to hide his disappointment.
"Sorry, guess you were expecting your lover-man. I saw him leaving today." Nick said bitterly. "Can I come in?"
"I guess." Justin stepped back to let the Backstreet Boy in. He caught a whiff of alcohol as Nick walked by. Justin turned on a light, put on his robe and sat on the bed while Nick slumped into a chair. "Can I get you a glass of water or something?"
Nick rubbed his eyes. It looked like he had been crying. "How about a scotch and water?" He said with a humorless smile.
"I think you've had enough to drink, Nick. You smell like a distillery." He wrinkled his nose.
"That bad, huh? Well I got reason."
"Yah I know all about your love life, Nick -- or should I just say SEX life; love doesn't seem to come into the game."
"Man that's harsh." Nick looked away, tears running down his face again. He didn't even try to wipe them off.
Justin got some tissues and thrust them at Nick impatiently. "Okay man I'm sorry. But you got yourself into this didn't you?"
Nick blew his nose loudly. "I was lonely, okay? And Brian was my best buddy. More than that I guess; I really liked being close to him, you know?" He looked up shyly.
Justin couldn't help but sympathize a bit with Nick. He'd felt the same way about JC. It was lonely to think you were the only one with 'those feelings' and that your best friend would never want the same kind of relationship you dreamed of. He pulled up a chair and put a friendly hand on Nick's shoulder. "Yeah, man, I do know. It's rough."
"So, then when Brian kinda came on to me I thought 'oh god, it's too good to be true.' And it was."
Justin managed to hide his surprise. 'So he is sleeping with Brian too, or was at least.' He thought.
Nick wiped his eyes and continued. "He wasn't going to leave Leigh Anne for me, he just wanted me for sex because he was horny and she wouldn't put out for him. He thinks gay love is wrong, and he somehow has convinced himself that what we do doesn't make him gay. As long as he is the aggressive one, and never kisses me or..." Nick lost it for a moment, unable to talk between sobs... "Or, or even holds me, he thinks he's Mister Straight Man. I'm just his whore. We're not even really friends anymore."
"I'm sorry, Nick." Justin felt a lump in his throat. Nick really was a mess, and what Brian was doing to him was inexcusable. "But what about Kevin?"
"Kevin's different. He's honest about himself, at least between us. the other guys don't know he's gay -- or at least bi -- though. But I'm scared to say no to Brian; I don't want to be the cause of the Backstreet Boys breaking up."
"If it does come to that, it won't be your fault, Nick. Man, you gotta pull yourself together. You're not a bad person because of this. Stand up to Brian. I bet he'll respect you in the end."
"I'm just scared!" Nick whimpered. And before Justin could react, Nick fell into his arms, burying face in his shoulder. "God you're the first person I could talk to about all this, thanks you for listening. I am so sorry I've been an ass to you, Justin!"
"That's okay, man." Justin hesitantly patted Nick on the shoulder, feeling very awkward. He could feel his t-shirt getting wet with Nick's tears.
And Nick showed no sign of letting go. He kept his arms around Justin and held him tight. "I feel like such a baby, but this is the first time I could just hug someone and not worry that they wanted something from me." His body trembled from head to foot.
"Nick, man, you're shaking. Maybe you should get to bed."
"No! I mean, I don't want to go back there. Brian might call, or Lou..."
"Who?" Justin looked at him sharply.
"Nothing. It's just that I don't want to face Kevin or Brian right now. I need to just stay somewhere safe." He pulled back a bit and looked at Justin with pleading eyes.
Somewhere deep inside, Justin knew this was a bad idea. But he was feeling lonely himself, and he had to admit that it was nice to just hug Nick, with no sexual implications. "Well, okay, but I think it would be best if one of us slept on the sofa."
Nick looked a little hurt at first but then he nodded. "Thanks man." He gave Justin a little kiss on the cheek and stood up. "Can I have a blanket and pillow?"
"Sure, I think I can spare them." Justin smirked.
The morning came with low clouds and sub-zero temperatures in DC. Terry rolled over, unsure of where he was at first. The unpleasant reality finally registered and in the cold light of day he regretted his decision to leave. 'Well, what's done is done, and there's no going back now.' He told himself. 'You made your decision, now live with it.' He decided that a workout would do him good. Then he could clean his apartment, get things back in order. He also desperately needed a haircut.
He ducked into the shower, stuck his head under the warm spray and reached for the body wash. His hands roamed over his lean body, looking for signs that he'd lost some tone over the last few weeks. He'd been neglecting his weight training, eating like a pig, and hadn't even looked at a treadmill in a month. 'It's a miracle I don't look like Nick Carter... oh that was kind of mean.' He smirked. Then he thought of Justin doing his two-hundred pushups in the morning... he looked so cute -- and sexy, whit that tight little butt... This was only going to lead to frustration, he realized. Or maybe a little relief... his soapy hands strayed down over his stomach...
When Justin woke up the next morning Nick was gone and he had phone messages. His heart leapt thinking that one would be from Terry... But one was from Nick thanking him and saying he had gone back to his own room early so no one would see him in Justin's room and wonder. The other was from Lance telling him they had a breakfast meeting downstairs in.. half an hour!
"Hey guys!" Justin plopped down at the table with the rest of the group, only five minutes late.
They had a back table at the practically deserted hotel restaurant, so hopefully they could eat in relative peace.
Lance looked carefully at Justin. He was smiling but he had awful bags under his eyes. He was putting on a good front but it was obvious to Lance that the kid hadn't slept all night. 'Listen to me, thinking of Justin as a kid; he's not even two years younger than me!' He cleared his throat. "Now that we're all here, I've got good news and bad news."
The other four looked at him warily over their menus.
"Good news first." Chris said.
"We do the Armageddon skit today!"
"Cool!" Joey and JC said with a grin. Even Justin smiled.
"And the bad news?" Chris asked.
"We leave tonight for Orlando. Red-eye."
He was greeted by a chorus of groans and moans.
"Sorry! But we need to be back in Orlando to start rehearsing ASAP. Apparently Bobby has been working out a lot of new dance routines we're gonna have to learn, and there's some special stuff planned that we need to get used to."
"What kind of 'special stuff'?" Joey asked warily.
Well, I was thinking... since we're going to do 'Sailing' why don't we REALLY do the cables stunt like we did for the video?"
"You mean, like fly through the air on wires, like Peter Pan?" Chris asked nervously.
"Awesome!" JC said rather loudly. People across the restaurant turned to look. "So we could go out over the audience and stuff?"
"That's the plan. I've already got a couple of proposals. Of course the record company doesn't want to spend too much, but I think it can be done for a reasonable cost."
"Sounds really wild, Lance; cool idea." Joey nodded, then started looking for the waitress.
"But is it safe?" Chris was looking paler than usual. "You know I don't like heights."
"Perfectly safe. The cables can each support ten times our weight -- even yours, Joey --
Joey stuck out his tongue at Lance, embarrassing himself just as the waitress arrived."
"-- and we'd each be hanging by two." Lance finished with a superior smile.
"Are you gentlemen ready to order?" She smirked.
Filming the 'Armageddon' vignette went without a hitch and they all had a blast running around in space suits and working with Lisa Kudrow. Lance in particular enjoyed dressing up as an astronaut since that had been one of his childhood career dreams. He was disappointed they weren't going to be in some sort of shuttle simulator, but still everyone had fun. The whirlwind activity also helped to keep Justin distracted from thinking about Terry, who hadn't responded to his calls.
After filming they rushed back to the hotel, got their bags and made it to the airport just in time to catch a nine PM flight that would put them back in Orlando early the next morning. They were supposed to get as much sleep as possible because that day -- Sunday no less -- they would start rehearsals. The tour was going to start in just a few weeks.
Everyone got settled, and soon after takeoff Chris and Joey were asleep. JC pulled down a blanket and spread it across his and Lance's lap. Justin and he talked for awhile and Lance decided to read for awhile, since he wasn't sleepy. While still talking to Justin, JC put his hand under the blanket and rested it on Lance's thigh.
Lance looked down in surprise, but after realizing that JC's hand was hidden from view, he smiled over at him before going back to reading his book. But after a few minutes he felt JC's fingers inching farther over, and up his thigh... he glanced up, but Josh was looking away, still chatting with Justin across the aisle as if he wasn't doing anything.
JC's fingers slithered between Lance's legs and brushed against his penis.
Lance jumped a little. Then he felt himself starting to get hard... not a very comfortable feeling in his confining jeans. He needed to adjust himself before it became painful. "Josh..." He whispered tersely.
"Hmmmm?" JC turned, his eyebrows raised, the picture of innocence.
"What are you doing?"
"Me? Nothing, Scoop!" JC smiled sweetly.
"You are trying to drive me crazy!" Lance hissed through clenched teeth.
"Isn't there a song about that? 'U Drive Me Crazy?' or is it 'I Drive Myself Crazy'? or was it 'Crazy For You'? He pondered, his fingers still teasingly caressing Lance's growing bulge under the blanket.
Finally, unable to stand it any longer, Lance reached underneath, yanked JC's hand away and in a flurry of squirming and tugging, got himself settled again.
"Better, pumpkin?" JC grinned.
"No thanks to you, babycakes." Lance smiled insincerely back at him. Then he went back to his book.
After a few minutes Justin announced that he was going to try to sleep and turned out his overhead light. JC did the same and closed his eyes, saying nothing to his boyfriend.
Everyone else in the cabin was seemingly asleep except Lance, who was once again engrossed in his book under the lone pool of light.
A few minutes later his concentration was broken again when he felt the hand on his leg once more.
This time, JC leaned over to him. "I love you." He whispered.
"I love you, too," Lance answered without looking up. "Now go to sleep."
"I can't." JC whined.
"Why not?" Lance sighed.
"I'm sitting next to this incredibly hot guy..."
Typical Lance: his gaze flicked over to Justin, sitting on JC's other side across the aisle.
"Not him!" JC whispered impatiently.
Lance rolled his eyes.
JC continued. "Anyway, this guy is really turning me on..." He gave Lance's muscled thigh another squeeze, brushing against his again-hard dick. "He is so sexy, I want to make it with him right here on the plane."
At the last comment, Lance looked over at JC in shock. "You want to WHAT?!" He whispered hoarsely.
"Shh! C'mon, let's go in the bathroom and mess around. Everyone's asleep." JC smiled seductively. He unbuckled his seat belt and wiggled his eyebrows.
Lance, realizing that he would get no peace until he went along with JC's crazy idea -- and secretly thinking it would be kind of fun to do it on a plane -- sighed and undid his seat-belt. He followed his lover down the aisle past rows of sleeping travelers.
At the bathroom they both looked around guiltily, then JC popped in through the narrow doorway. Lance slipped inside after him and locked the door. The airplane bathroom was even smaller than the one on their bus. There was barely enough room to turn around, but Lance had to admit there was something kind of fun about being crammed in here with his favorite person.
JC smiled at him and without a word pulled Lance into a passionate kiss. Their tongues intertwined and they held each other, hands ranging over each other's backs. Then JC broke the kiss and hugged Lance tight -- so tight the blond gasped. Then he felt JC shaking in his arms.
"Josh, what is it?" He asked, tightening his own hold on the taller young man when he realized that JC was sobbing. Lance was getting worried. This was so unexpected, this change in JC from passion to crying.
"James..." He sniffled. "You and I know, deep down, that 'N Sync won't last forever. At best as a group we have a few more years."
Lance nodded. "I don't like to think about it, but that's realistic."
"I just hope that you and I will..."
"Oh, Josh..." Lance knew what was coming.
"Promise me... no matter what..." JC had to pause, overcome with emotion.
"Anything."
"I'm sorry, I just... " JC began to relax a little, and one hand strayed up to Lance's neck, his fingers tenderly caressing the skin there. "I just think of what happened to Justin and Terry, and I get scared. Promise you'll always be with me.."
"Always." Lance said, he deep voice full of conviction. He was glad that for once he could be a source of strength for JC. And there was no doubt in his mind: he loved this man with all his heart and would never love anyone the way he loved Joshua Chasez. Now that they were together, the thought of not having JC's arms around him every night... his gentle kiss and beautiful smile... to be without JC would be like dying inside.
"I don't think I could live without you." JC sighed.
"You don't have to worry about that. I will always be here."
Just then the plane hit a little turbulence and they struggled to keep their balance. They both giggled at the ridiculousness of their situation.
Lance rested his head on JC's shoulder. "Not that this isn't a romantic setting or anything, Josh, but did we need to come here to talk about this?"
"I'm sorry babe. It just hit me all of a sudden. Seeing your little smile I wondered what I would do if I thought I would never see you again."
"Well Joshua Scott 'Shah-say'" -- he exaggerated the pronunciation of JC's last name -- "You don't need to worry about it; I'm not going anywhere."
"That's my Lansten." JC pulled back and smiled, then gave Lance a little kiss on the lips, followed by a longer one, then another...
"Hmmm. How could I ever leave a man who kisses like you?" Lance sighed contentedly and hugged JC.
"What do you want to do?" JC whispered in his ear after a few moments of silently enjoying each other's embrace.
"I want to get out of this closet. I love you, but I prefer to mess around in a more comfortable place."
"You got it baby. I guess I have a bathroom fetish or something." JC smiled a little sheepishly. Now that they were in here, the thought of trying to have sex in this horrible little place did seem like a kind of... cheesy.
Lance managed to get the door open and they stumbled out of the tiny room -- right into a flight attendant. She smirked knowingly at them as they stood there paralyzed with embarrassment.
"It's, uh, not what you think." Lance muttered, feeling himself redden.
"Yeah, I uh, had something in my eye." JC shrugged and edged away.
Her smiled softened a little. "Of course, gentlemen. Can I get you anything?"
"Uh, no thank you, we'll just, uh, go back to our seats... JC gestured with his thumb and backed down the aisle. Lance put his head down and slunk after him.
They slumped into their seats, both giggling nervously. Lance put his face in his hands. "I have never been so embarrassed in my life!" He moaned.
"Oh, come on! What about the time you did half a show with your zipper down -- and you were wearing those red boxers!"
To be continued...
End of Part FOURTEEN!
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