Standard disclaimer. Don't know the band (though I wish I did). This is a work of fan fiction. Hope you like.
The Meaning of Happiness
JC lay on the couch staring at the ceiling focusing on nothing and everything at the same time. The sounds of laughter was in the background as the TV continued to flicker images of a sitcom that he unconsciously turned on.
"This is wrong," JC sighed out, "I need to do something."
Picking himself up off the couch, JC found the remote and clicked the TV off. JC grabbed the leather jacket, of which he was fond of, off the coat rack and continued out the door. It wasn't a cold day at all. Well, to many people who has gotten used to the weather in Florida, they would consider it a cold day. Fall has already set and the sun didn't seem to glow as hotly as it usually does. JC went to his jeep and drove out of Lance's driveway.
The neighborhood in which Lance lived in was a quiet place. It was a typical suburb with wide roads and plenty of nice looking houses. The main reason why Lance bought a place is because too many fans kept coming to his house. It was a constant bother to his parents even though they were tolerant of the frequent visits of strangers. Everything pretty much worked out for both Lance and his parents. No one knew where he lived, except for his close friends. This provided a perfect place for him to work and to focus on his career.
JC visited Lance on numerous occasions and knew where he lived. The streets were winding and it seemed like everywhere you turned, you would be going in circles. It took him a couple of tries to figure out how to get there, but once he learned, he drove down on a regular basis. It didn't take JC long to exit the neighborhood, though he didn't quite know where to go. All on his mind was driving and thinking of what to do.
Instinctively, he directed his jeep towards the studio. The studio wasn't far from the house, but it was far enough that he would have to drive down the freeway for a bit. It would take no more than 10 minutes to get there. Surprisingly there were few cars on the road. Lunch had already passed and it was Thursday, a work day. Not many people are out and about during this time of day. In any case, JC drove down the freeway without any type of trouble.
As he neared the studio, he could see the office buildings lining the streets. Even though it was a work day, many people from the studio had the day off so it was rather quiet. A few people were walking up and down the sidewalk semi bundled up in their fall outfits. JC arrived at the empty parking lot and proceeded to park closest to the door. Most of the time he was late and wound up parking very far away, but not today. Parking was easy for a change.
JC entered the building and walked through the halls for a while not really knowing what he was going to do. He wound up in front of the dance room and thought that it would be a good idea to practice the choreography for the upcoming tour. He entered the room and put down his jacket near the door. The CD player was still in the same spot with the songs that they were going to perform all ready to go.
With a push of a button, the CD player blasted the room with music. JC stood in front of the wall mirror and started the routine. "Every little thing I do, never seems enough for you," echoed the room. In perfect precision, JC matched his body movement with the song. "1, 2, 3, 4." he counted in his head. Every step was energetic yet elegant and in perfect harmony with the beats. He kept it up until the song ended.
The dance routine was intense due to the large movements and exaggerated dances. This was done to make sure that people in the back of the auditorium could see what they were doing without too much trouble. Beads of sweat formed on his face as he puffed for air. There was a small 1 minute break before the next song came up on cue. JC positioned himself and waited for the song to start. "Baby you're not the only one." echoed from the little player. "I see, the things he does to you." JC pointed his finger at the mirror while lip singing at the same time. He practiced vigorously for a few hours only taking the occasional 5 minute water break. He didn't know why he was practicing so hard or so much, but he had nothing else to do. As the next song was about to start, the door opened. JC saw the door opening from the mirror's reflection and turned off the CD player.
"I thought I'd might find you here," Justin poked his head through the door.
"Heh," JC snickered, "What's up Just?"
"Nothing much," walking into the room, "When Chris and I came back you weren't around and everyone else was wondering where you went."
"Ah."
"We would have called you," he pulled out a phone from his jacket pocket, "But you didn't take your phone with you."
"Guess I forgot," took the phone from Justin.
There was a puzzled look on Justin, "You've never forgotten your phone, why now?"
JC let out a small sigh and sat down on one of the chairs which lined the room. Justin sat next to him looking curiously.
"I don't know," JC quietly replied, "Lately I've been missing something, I don't know what it is, but I've been feeling empty, hollow."
"Uh?" Justin didn't know what he was talking about, "I thought you were happy doing the tours, writing, singing and stuff like that?"
"I am happy doing all those things. I wouldn't trade them for anything, but I dunno." he trailed off.
Justin thought for a moment, "How about when you and Lance were dating? Did you feel like this?"
JC thought about the question, "Not really, but then again, we didn't do much anyways. It felt just like any other day."
"Really?" Justin was surprised, "Why'd you break it off then?"
"I did not break it off," JC was adamant, "We both decided that it was not good for either the group or us to be in a relationship and that we'll wait till everything settles down."
"Heh. Ok ok, just curious about it."
"But still," JC started and Justin perked up, "It wouldn't have worked out anyways."
"Huh?" being dumbfounded.
"Well.uh." blushing a bit.
Now Justin was very curious, "Well, spit it out."
"Um.earlier today Lance wanted to make out, but I didn't feel like it. Last week I wanted to make out, but he didn't feel like it."
There was a bit of silence then Justin started laughing.
"What?" JC looking confused.
"Sorry," catching his breath, "You guys are funny. Sounded like an episode of some sitcom or something."
"Heh," JC chuckled a bit, "Probably right."
They both let that sink in for a bit. "How long have you been practicing?"
"Don't know," JC shrugged, "Couple hours."
"Heh," Justin snickered, "Make that 4 hour."
"4 HOURS!?!" JC was in disbelief.
"Yep. Well, 4 hours from the time all of us were back in the house. Don't know if you were rehearsing before that."
"Time sure flies when you're doing something."
"Flies even faster when that's the only thing on your mind."
JC sighed.
"Come on," Justin started to get up, "It's getting late, let get a bite to eat."
"Yeah.I guess you're right," JC started to get up.
As JC was putting his jacket on Justin was thinking a bit.
"You know what?" Justin spoke up and JC turned to look at him, "Things have been a whirlwind since we were successful. Always busy busy busy."
JC nodded, "Yeah."
"Do you still remember." Justin saying hesitantly.
"Who?"
"Mano?"
In an instant that triggered a flood of memories and emotions that were buried and almost forgotten in the back of his mind.
"Those were the days," JC said."
"Yeah," Justin agreed, "We had so much fun when things weren't so complicated."
They both walked out of the building and stood outside. Trees were everywhere turning a soft golden color as winter started to approach. When a breeze gently blew, it would knock a few leaves off the tree and it would float gently down with the rest of the pile.
"It was surreal. It was like a circus. All the amazing things we did and the things we had fun with." JC thought, but a small frown appeared, "Like the circus, once it's over, it goes away."
Justin knew the feeling, "But you're forgetting one thing," JC turned to look at him, "Remember that even though the circus has left, the circus will come back. We'll get to see him one day."
Justin smiled a little bit and walked to his car. Justin drove off into the street and out of sight.
"The circus will come back." JC thought.
He looked at the falling leaves for a bit. "But I am happy. The group is a hit, I have a career, I have good friends with me. I am happy," a tear rolled down JC's face, "I am happy."
It's a few days before Thanksgiving and the mall is getting busier and busier. People were walking around trying to a get an early start on Christmas shopping only to realize that they have no clue on what to buy or to get. I stopped being angry at Steve cause I knew I wasn't going to win. He's still going to be an asshole I'd better just live with it. When I was pulling up to the parking lot, there were a lot of cars in the garage that day. I had to park way in the back. I didn't mind the walk. There were way more people in the mall than usual. Tanforan Park isn't the upper class type of mall where each store had top of the line items. It was fairly run down and it wasn't too glamorous.
When I came in the whole gang was there. Cindy was there talking to her fianc^Â Ken. Ed was chilling by the door and was talking to some customers. John and Steve were talking a bit near the back wall. There really wasn't that many people in the store considering how busy the mall was. I guess they were all at Target or something.
"Hiya Mano," Cindy greeted me.
"Hey Mano," Ken soon followed.
"Hi you guys," I replied, "What's up?"
Cindy looked around, "Oh it's been really busy," replying in a sarcastic tone.
"I bet it has been," I giggled back.
"Whattup Man," Steve called.
"Yo," I replied, "Nada much."
I went to the back and put my coat away. It really was dead in the store. I went back out and clocked myself in and just stood behind the counter watching dust float down. It was really dead.
"Has it been like this all day?" I asked Cindy.
"Yeah," sounding confused, "No one want's to come in the store today."
"At least you guys are fully staffed," Ken commented.
"Naw," I replied, "We're gonna need more workers." We laughed.
It was complete boredom in the store. It felt like an hour had passed even though it was just a few minutes. I needed something to do than just mill around behind the counter. Time would just past ever so slowly if I didn't do anything. I printed out an inventory sheet and picked a spot to start counting stuff. I hate being bored.
"Been dead since I got here," Steve replied, "It's probably going to be dead the whole day."
"I yeah," I commented, "It looks like it."
"Gonna count shit?"
"I guess," I shrugged my shoulders, "Have nothing else really to do and there's lots o people here to handle everything."
"Heh, that's for just another hour, then it's back to just us two."
"Figured as much."
Steve wandered over to where Ed was and started to talk to him. It was amazingly empty in the store save for the people who worked there. I have never seen so many people working at one time before. It felt kinda weird. I was just half ass counting the software since it wasn't really important. I just needed something to do.
"How're you doing?" John greeted a customer who walked in, "Did you find everything all right?"
The customer nodded and went about browsing at items. Everybody else was at or near the counter just talking about stuff while I semi counted the inventory. The customer wandered over to where I was and just stood behind me.very close behind me.
Steve took notice, "What's that guy doing?" he whispered to Cindy.
Cindy looked and saw how close he was to me, "I have no clue. Want me to say something?"
"Na," Steve replied back ,"I want to see how Mano handles this." Cindy nodded.
Everyone just quieted down and kinda stared at me and the stanger. I didn't pay any notice to the guy that was right next to me. All I did was just to count stuff. After a few moments, I caught a familiar scent. After realizing what it was I was in shock. I did my best to try to hide it, but it didn't work.
"Long time." a deep yet gentle voice came from him.
"Yeah," I softly replied, "Been a while."
"Didn't know you worked here," he commented.
"Disappointed?" I sarcastically replied.
He was kind of surprised at that comment, "No. I would never be disappointed at you."
"Heh, so what brings you to these parts?"
"We have a couple of days before the next show and I thought it would be nice to get some early presents while I was here."
"I see."
"I wasn't sure if it was you, so I came in to find out."
The rest of the guys were enthralled at what was transpiring. They were dumbfounded at what was going on between the customer and me.
"Yeah.it's me all right."
All this time we were talking, I never turned to look at him.
He sighed heavily at that last reply, "What happened to the kind hearted guy I know?"
"He grew up," I replied, "He realized that kind people were not needed here so he went away."
"What?" he was shocked to hear what I said, "What do you mean kind people aren't needed anymore?"
"No matter what I did, no matter how many times I did it, all of my efforts were either wasted or were received with criticism or suspicion. I tried to be nice to the guys at UA and they all didn't know what to make of me."
He just stood there silently.
"Hell I even tried to be nice to Brian and now I'm probably his #1 enemy. I can't win no matter what I do."
Out of instinct, he just wrapped his arms around me and held tightly. The guys just stood there in awe.
"What the hell is going on?" John whispered. Steve and Cindy shrugged.
I relaxed a little bit.
"Never say that," he pleaded with me, "Kind people are always needed. True it's hard to live in a cruel world, but it's people like you that give meaning to living."
"I wish that was true."
"It is true. For a while, Brian felt so guilty, so bad at what happened that he cut out one day and tried to find you. It didn't make him feel any better when he found out that you didn't work there anymore."
"That was over 2 years ago," I replied puzzled.
"Yeah, but he still hasn't forgiven himself."
I was a bit stunned to hear that.
"And you know.I've missed you."
"I.missed you too."
"Then why." he slowly asked.
"Why what?" I replied confused.
"Why do you make other people happy at the cost of your own happiness?"
"Because." my voice started to fade, "Because that is all I can do. I've let down my parents by not being able to finish college and I can never find anyone like me."
He hugged me tighter, "I'm so sorry." he whispered in my ear.
"For what?"
"Lots of things. Being more supportive of you, helping you out, stuff like that."
"You didn't know. I never said anything to you cause you were doing so well with your career and all."
"My career doesn't matter. You are family and I care a great deal for you. All you have to do is to talk to me about anything that's on your mind and I'll do whatever I can to help you through."
I sighed, "It's a rarity to find people like you.No one really seems to care very much around here."
"I know," he relaxed his grip, "But you have to understand that no matter how hard life gets, you have to keep being who you are. I'm probably sounding like a broken record, but by doing the right things, it will come back to you. You probably won't notice it, but it'll be there when you need it."
I knew he was right. He has always been there for me and has never let me down. I slowly turned around and finally looked into his eyes. Those soft sapphire eyes made everything all right. I reached around his waist as I gave him a gentle hug.
"Thank you," as I spoke, burying my face in his chest, "That you for everything."
I pulled away, "Anytime," he smiled back at me. "Oh, one more thing."
I was a bit curious. He pulled out a small velvet box out of his pocket.
"I was hoping I could give this to you when I saw you again," he handed the box to me, "I'm glad that I brought it with me."
I knew what it was and just stared at the box, "Thank you," was all I could say.
"Remember," he said one final time, "I will always be there for you," With that he slowly turned around and walked out into the mall. I just stood there with the box in hand staring at the exit. I slowly walked towards the back of the counter and set the box on the table area.
No one wanted to say anything to me. They were unsure of what to say after what had just happened. Steve walked up next to me, "Um." he fumbled the words, "Who was that?"
I smiled, "A good friend."
"Heh," he snickered, "What'd he give you?"
I handed him the box and he opened it. Everyone gathered around and was in awe at what they saw. It was a gold sapphire and diamond necklace.
------------------------------------------------------------ Song is by N Sync:
If I was gone, would your arms lift me up to higher ground With just the strength of your love? If I was lost, would I find something in your eyes to lead me home? Then if it all went wrong, would you be there to hold? It's easy to be there through the good times But when the times get hard, would you stay or walk away?
Are you going to be there when the rain comes? Are you going to be there with a warm touch? Can you swear that you'll be there with a real love? Are you gonna be there? Will you stand by my side through the bad times? Do what ever will be, will you still be mine? Will you stay in my life for a lifetime? Are you gonna be there?
When I need someone to hold, someone there for me are you gonna be. In my world, if it should all fall down will you be there? Be there to turn it around, will you still care? Can I depend on you to see me through this life? And if it all goes all wrong, will you still make it right? It's easy to be there through the good times But when the times get hard, will you still be on my side?
Are you going to be there when the rain comes? Are you going to be there with a warm touch? Can you swear that you'll be there with a real love? Are you gonna be there? Will you stand by my side through the bad times? Do what ever will be, will you still be mine? Will you stay in my life for a lifetime? Are you gonna be there?
When I need someone beside me, someone there for me Are you gonna be. There with the arms to hold me, there with the love I need. Will you be there? Heart and soul I need to know.