Note: This is a complete work of fiction. I am not implying that any character within this story is gay or bisexual. This is just my fantasy, so let me have it!!! I'm planning on making this a continuing plot, with twists and turns and everything else thrown in. So please, don't be afraid to send any comments my way. Since I've never been to New York I may need a little help with some scenery and stuff. Please e-mail me at tumbler99@yahoo.com
I bet you're all surprised to actually be reading something from me up here, but I felt I had to on this chapter. I've received many e-mails on the apparent absence of this chapter and I had to respond. The past three weeks have been extremely hectic in my life. Unfortunately I can't give you a sob story like some authors do. I just got busy with work and then I took a two-week vacation to Phoenix and didn't have time to write. Sorry if that disappoints you, but I promise that I will have the chapters out a little more regular from now on. I'm leaving for college this Saturday and classes start on Tuesday, so Chapter Thirteen might be a little late again, but I'll find my routine soon enough. Oh, and one more thing - I know that this story is not headed in the direction some of you want it to, but I won't know where to take it until I get some advice. I have my own plot in my mind but I'm always willing to change it up if something better comes along. So drop me a line and let me know.
'N SYNC Savior
Chapter Twelve
JC came over to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I reached up and rested my hand on his arm as his head came around next to mine. I leaned into him and sighed as I stared at Adam's blue shirt slowly fading in the crowd. I heard Justin sob a little louder as he tried to wipe away the tears. Lance was standing next to Chris and Joey and they were all silent. Finally Adam was out of my sight and I let out another sigh.
"It's over....he's gone," I whispered. JC quickly leaned down and kissed away the tears on my cheek. I looked up at him and our lips connected again.
"Yes, he's gone. But it's not over yet. We've still got some more days here and we're going to make you so happy you came on this trip. Now we should head back to the limo so we can get the day started."
I glanced once more at the crowd for a sign of Adam - I didn't see any. I let a final tear slip from my lashes as I turned to walk away. JC wrapped an arm around my shoulder but kept a safe amount of distance. I knew he was doing it because we were in public but I still hated the feeling. It would definitely take some getting used to.
We continued to make our way through the terminal with only a few girls noticing the band. Justin quickly headed them off and signed some paper before joining the group again. I had slowly regained my composure but I was still feeling sad. I pulled my sunglasses off of my necklace and put them on my face as we walked outside. The morning sun was shining bright and it felt like a new day. I looked around and noticed that we were standing at the same exit that I had used just two days ago. I stopped suddenly and everyone looked at me.
"This is where I started this vacation," I whispered. "There was a man standing right over there and he gave me directions."
"Don't think about that," Joey remarked. "It's all over and you're with us now....we'll keep you safe."
I looked into his eyes and could see the genuine sincerity but I just shook my head. "But don't you see? I keep remembering it. I keep having flashbacks to the rape and to Mark. I keep thinking that there was something else I could have done." I turned to face JC and was ready to cry on his shoulder when I saw his face. Instead of looking at me he was scanning the crowd and backing away a little. A tear slipped from my eye as soon as I realized why he was doing it.
"Matt?" Lance asked quietly. "I think I may have something here." I turned to look at him as he walked up next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder and stroked lightly. "Would it help if you retraced the night again?" I heard Justin gasp but Lance quickly cut him off. "Not all of it, God no....but just go through the same route you took, go to the cafe, walk by the alley, you don't have to go in if you don't want to, and realize that there was nothing you could have done. It was a freak twist of fate that took you to that cafe at that moment. Maybe this will help you realize it." The rest of the group was silent as I took in a breath.
Go back? How was I ever going to go back to that alley and look at the space where I was raped? I wasn't strong enough to live through it again. I started to shake my head no when I heard the voice speak up.
"You're not strong enough?" It started. "How can you even believe you're not strong enough? And you can't live through it again?" I heard a laugh in the back of my mind. "You've been living through it for the past 30 hours buddy. You haven't been able to get it off of your mind except when you look at Josh. It's been running through your mind and it will continue running through your mind until you do something about it."
I looked back at JC and smiled. I could see surprise in his face as he reached for my shoulder also. I slowly nodded my head as he pulled me closer.
"Are you sure? You don't have to do it if you don't want to."
"I know....but I do," I answered. "But now the question is....who wants to come with me?"
JC and Lance immediately jumped in, saying they would. Justin nodded his head in agreement as Chris spoke up.
"We're all going to go. Do you think we would let you do something like this alone?" He smiled his crazy smile as he pulled his cap lower over his hair. "Besides, we're already in disguise....we won't be noticed that often." I looked around the group and laughed. I hadn't even realized it because I had been around them all morning, but they were dressed in disguise. Each of them had sunglasses somewhere on their body, and 3 of the 5 wore hats. Justin wasn't wearing any baby blue and Joey had put his Superman necklace under his shirt. JC was the only one who looked like he normally did, but after I looked for a second I could see that he had styled his hair a little different.
"Okay then, lets get this party started!"
We started walking straight ahead as Lance pulled out his cell phone to make a call. I was dying to reach for JC's hand but I heard Justin speak up and broke out laughing.
"This is going to be crunk!!"
We started walking through the streets and I saw some of the same buildings. I remembered the one with the gargoyles, although I actually saw a couple more this time. I remembered seeing that music store to my right and that restaurant to my left. Suddenly we reached the end of the corner and the street sign came in view. I took a deep breath and looked around.
The outdoor cafe jumped out at me. The neon sign glowed in my eyes and I saw the table Mark was sitting at. This time there was no Mark but I still felt the urge to run. He was going to get me again, take me to that dark alley and steal something else this time. I quickly turned around as I started crying but JC grabbed my hand. He rubbed my shoulder as he slowly turned me to face the cafe.
He whispered so only I could hear him. "I take it this is the one?" I slowly nodded my head as I tried to control my breathing.
Lance looked around and nodded. "Yeah, I've been here before. Remember guys? We came here last time we were in New York after we finished with Carson on TRL." He quieted down slowly as he realized how insignificant that was compared to what I was going through.
I wiped the tears away from my eyes and smiled. "Justin? Can you come stand by me?" I saw the questioning look in his eyes as he glanced at JC. "I need a fellow 18 year old by me now. Don't ask me why, I just do." He nodded his head as a smile formed on his face and I realized how beautiful he was. I glanced up at JC and smiled. I pursed my lips lightly and blew him a small kiss which made him grin.
I continued walking towards the alley as the guys fell into place. They knew that this was hard for me so they were trying to be quiet and respectful, but I could still hear Joey make a comment about a girl walking the other side of the street.
"Hey Joey, why don't you go over and talk to her? She looks hot and I know this has to be boring you. Trust me, I don't mind." I saw the shocked look take over his smile as he glanced at Lance. Both he and JC had stern looks on their face which I quickly caught. "Honestly guys. I'm glad you're all here with me but I don't want to ruin your day. I don't mind if he goes and talks to her."
Lance pulled Joey back quickly and whispered for him to call us when he was through and quickly caught up with us. "Have fun," I yelled over my shoulder. I knew my cheerfulness was a facade but I had to keep it up. If the alley was as difficult as the restaurant was then I was going to break.
We continued to walk as I told the guys about Mark. I seemed to remember our conversation word for word as we traveled by landmarks I remembered. We all quieted down as we neared the open alley. Without me saying a word I felt Justin and JC both reach for a hand. Lance grabbed Chris' shoulder and pulled him ahead. The turned into the alley for a second as I closed my eyes and looked up to the sky.
I heard their footsteps as they made their way back and I looked at them
"There's no one there," he started, "but are you sure you want to do this? We could come back some other time when you're ready."
For a split second I was ready to agree, but then I heard the voice in my head. As it spoke I realized I knew who it was.
"You are ready, Father. You've always been strong enough to face something like this. Now is the time to prove it though." I smiled as Jonathan's sweet face appeared in my mind.
"Yeah, lets go."
I was surprised when I stepped into the alley. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but utter quietness was not it. It was just an alley and it seemed to go on forever. We continued to walk and suddenly I heard a sound. I turned around and looked behind us - I didn't see anything. As I turned to face the group again I saw Mark. He was turning a 360 around me, just like last time. I saw the smile on his face as I started getting worried.
"Don't do this Mark, please. It's not worth it."
"Oh but it is Matt. You were sweet....so yummy and delicious. And oh God, how tight you were. You were one of my best." I could feel him walk up to me and grab my hands, pulling me into a kiss.
"JC? What's going on? I don't like this." Justin had fear in his voice and he was ready to run. "Why can't he hear you yelling at him? Why is he doing that."
I back was to the alley wall. Mark was forcing his tongue down my throat as I turned my head. The guys couldn't see him but to me he was clear as day. I could see his endless brown eyes, his strong hands on mine, his beautiful smile. I could see all those things and I could feel a thousand more. His hot breath on my face, his fingers crushing my palm, his leg kicking my own out from under me, his throbbing cock trapped in his tight pants. I felt the cold concrete on my back as he landed on top of me.
I turned my head to escape him and I saw my love. JC was standing so tall and beautiful....yet he was just standing there. I reached out to him as a cry escaped my lips. But soon a more wretched cry overpowered that. I could feel him enter me as he tried to claw at my throat and face. My eyes were on JC the entire time and I finally saw him move. My angel was coming for me and I was going to be saved.
"JC, don't," Lance shouted. "He's got to live through this again if he wants to get over it. Please, just trust me." Lance had tears streaming down his face, as did everyone else. JC looked to Lance, and then Justin, and then back at me. He could see me cry out as I hit the ground. He felt the hot tears burst forth even harder as he stood and watched. Suddenly I let out a blood- curdling cry - one filled with enough sorrow to break the heart of anyone alive. He could hold on no longer and ran to my side. Dropping to his knees he grabbed my hand and stroked my face.
"Please stop, Matt. You don't have to do this," he cried. "Please, I love you with all my heart and we'll get through this, but just stop this nonsense. You're killing yourself. Please," he slowly trailed off.
My scratches were reddening again, almost as if they were fresh. I felt him plunge into me as the ground scraped my back. I looked back to Mark as I felt the snap inside my body. Instead of traveling to the deep, warm place, I went instead to JC's eyes. I sank myself into that deep blue sea of love and felt myself heal. I could no longer feel Mark, I could no longer smell Mark, I no longer cared about Mark. JC was here now. JC was my angel - my savior. He was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and he was the one holding onto me now.
I tore myself away from JC and looked up at Mark - or at least where Mark should have been. I saw the buildings rise above me, almost closing out the sun. But they didn't close out the sun, they left a wide gap for me to look up into the world. I smiled to myself as I realized it was over. Mark was gone - he could not hurt me. JC was here - he would never hurt me. I was whole again and ready to take on the world. I had my whole future in front of me and I was stronger than I ever would be. I silently closed my eyes as I sent a prayer above and then I looked over at my love, my savior.
"Thank you," I whispered. "You were there for me. You helped me through it when I thought I was all alone." I gently closed my eyes as I took a shallow breath. I wasn't sure what was happening but I couldn't stay awake. My eyes felt heavy and my heart felt slow. My grasp slowly loosened in his hand as I drifted off to sleep.
"What's happening?" Chris screamed.
"Oh God don't let him die," Justin whispered. He sank to his knees as he looked up to heaven.
"JC? What's happening?" Lance asked with concern.
He slowly leaned over my body and felt for a pulse. He listened for a breath at the same time and exhaled forcefully when he heard one. He looked back at his friends as he tried to crack a smile. "He's just asleep. I think all the memories were too much for him." He looked at my sleeping form. "He's all right, though. I'm pretty sure."
"Yeah, well we better get him back to the hotel anyway. Just to be safe." Lance quickly pulled out his cell and called for the limo to come to the nearest corner. JC grabbed me around the neck and the legs and quickly pulled me up.
"My God, he's so light," he whispered. He looked into my face and was relieved when he didn't see any sign of turmoil. My lips were straight as a line, my forward was smooth as ever, and I was sleeping soundly. He started walking to the end of the alley as Justin came up next to him.
"Is he all right JC? Please tell me he'll be all right."
He looked down at his friend and smiled. "You really like him don't you?" Justin tore himself away from my face and looked into JC's.
"Oh God, not like that Josh. I would never do that to you." He glanced back down at my face. "There's just something about him. I feel really close to him."
"You're telling me this??" JC laughed. "Don't worry about it, Curly. One - he'll be all right. And two - you could never steal anybody away from me!!"
Within' a few minutes the limo had arrived and JC laid me gently on the bench, my head in his lap. Chris and Lance sat on the opposite side as Justin sat alone in the back. He looked nervous as he started fidgeting. Lance looked solemn and sad as he stared at my body.
"This is going to be some vacation, huh?" Chris started. Everyone threw glares at him but he held up his hands in defense. "That's not what I meant. I'm just saying it's not the normal, kick back and relax week that we always have. Not that I want that. I'm just saying."
JC took the load off of his shoulders as he smiled. "I know what you're talking about Chris, don't worry." He looked down at me. "But honestly I think it's over. Lance was right, once again, and I think he'll be all right. I wouldn't be surprised if he's kind of tired today, but I won't be surprised if he's keeping up or outlasting you tomorrow!" He quieted his voice as he continued, realizing I was still asleep.
"So what do we want to do while we're here?" He looked around the limo and saw Justin smile.
"I'm sure you want to spend as much time with Matt as you can," he laughed.
"Why of course!"
"But I really want to hit the mall one of these days...."
"Dude, we always hit the mall. In every city where we have a few free hours. Don't you want to do anything else?" Chris interrupted.
"I'd really like to take in a show while we're here," Lance started. "I heard they've got some awesome plays on right now."
"How about if we do that tomorrow night?" JC asked. "And maybe go roller-skating or ice-skating. I haven't done either of those in months."
"But what about today?" Justin spoke up quietly.
"Well I'll stay with Matt at the hotel but you guys can do what you want I suppose. Like the mall," he kidded.
"I kind of want to stay with Matt, too. To make sure he's all right and all."
The limo was silent for awhile as they all thought. Lance suddenly sat up and smiled.
"Get this. Before we get to the hotel we'll stop at a restaurant and pick up some take out. Then we'll rent a movie and watch it in JC's room while Matt sleeps. Then when he wakes up he can take us out people-watching like he promised. That way he gets out of the hotel but doesn't stress himself too much. Sound good?"
"Sounds fine to me," Chris started.
"I like it," Justin broke in.
"Well, we'll have to see about Matt, but the first part sounds good. Chinese?"
"No way dude. Not today. We'll go Greek today and get some gyros. And then we can all pick out the movie once we get to the hotel."
Lance called up to the driver and asked him to find a Greek restaurant as everyone sat back and relaxed. I started to moan a little and Justin sat upright. JC slowly stroked my hair and rubbed my arm as I quieted down.
"I don't think that was anything," he whispered. "It would have been a lot louder if it was a real nightmare." Justin sat back down and closed his eyes as JC looked over at him. He didn't want to, but the pangs of jealousy shot up inside him. "But this was Curly," he thought, "a guy you've known for years. He's not trying to steal Matt from you." He tried to convince himself as he continued to hold me. "Besides, it doesn't matter anyway. Matt's with you and he's told you that he's not interested in Justin. It's all in your imagination." He slowly closed his eyes and slowed his breathing.
Justin opened his eyes and looked over at me as I slept. Longing filled his eyes as he started into my sleeping face. He glanced quickly at JC as soon as he realized his mistake. But his eyes were closed and he hadn't been caught. He dropped his gaze back down and let out a sigh. What was he going to do?
To be continued....