Note: This is a complete work of fiction. I am not implying that any character within this story is gay or bisexual. This is just my fantasy, so let me have it!!! I'm planning on making this a continuing plot, with twists and turns and everything else thrown in. So please, don't be afraid to send any comments my way. Since I've never been to New York I may need a little help with some scenery and stuff. Please e-mail me at tumbler99@yahoo.com
'N SYNC Savior
Chapter Thirteen
Lance called up to the driver and asked him to find a Greek restaurant as everyone sat back and relaxed. I started to moan a little and Justin sat upright. JC slowly stroked my hair and rubbed my arm as I quieted down.
"I don't think that was anything," he whispered. "It would have been a lot louder if it was a real nightmare." Justin sat back down and closed his eyes as JC looked over at him. He didn't want to, but the pangs of jealousy shot up inside him. "But this was Curly," he thought, "a guy you've known for years. He's not trying to steal Matt from you." He tried to convince himself as he continued to hold me. "Besides, it doesn't matter anyway. Matt's with you and he's told you that he's not interested in Justin. It's all in your imagination." He slowly closed his eyes and slowed his breathing.
Justin opened his eyes and looked over at me as I slept. Longing filled his eyes as he stared into my sleeping face. He glanced quickly at JC as soon as he realized his mistake. But his eyes were closed and he hadn't been caught. He dropped his gaze back down and let out a sigh. What was he going to do?
The limo pulled into the front of the hotel and JC immediately got worried. Lance looked over at him and quickly understood.
"How are we going to get Matt in the hotel, guys? I can't just carry him over my shoulder."
They stayed in the safety of the tinted windows as the thought through the problem. JC was getting angry at himself because he couldn't think of a simple solution. Lance was also getting frustrated with himself. Finally Justin piped up.
"Why don't you three go into the lobby and I'll stay out here with Matt. Then I can have the driver go around back. None of the girls will think to follow an empty limo." Chris looked over at Justin and smiled.
"Wow, Curly had a good idea - for once!!" Everyone laughed except for JC. He was staring at Justin's face, trying to read something into his words. But as much as he tried he couldn't find anything. He finally sighed and agreed to the plan. Besides, what could possibly happen?
Chris quickly opened the door and headed into the lobby. Lance followed with the food while JC looked lovingly down at my sleeping form. He leaned over my ear and whispered quietly. "I'll miss you, my love." He looked over at Justin and spoke louder. "I hope this works Just."
"It will, don't worry," he said while nodding his head. "Now get out there before they start screaming any louder."
He exited the limo quickly and ran through the lobby. He felt hands over his body and was ready to scream. Lately he was getting sick of the fans, it seemed. Every city they stopped in, every concert they put on, there were hundreds of young girls just screaming their heads off. He loved the attention, and the ability to perform for them, but it wasn't enough anymore. It wasn't like he could date any of them, even if he was straight. And they never left him alone. He finally made it to the elevator and let out a long sigh. Chris looked at him with a question in his eye.
"You're not getting any wild ideas in your head, are you?" Although the question sounded like a joke JC immediately knew it wasn't. Once again Chris had hit the nail on the head.
"No, I don't think so. I'm just getting a little fed up with some things. But no wild ideas - yet. We'll have to see how the week goes." The elevator lifted from the ground and they rode the rest of the way in silence.
The limo pulled away slowly, making sure there were no girls under the tires. The tinted window was now rolled down as Justin talked to the driver.
"Just drive around for awhile so they don't see the limo go into the alley. In about five minutes or so we can head to the service elevator entrance and you can let Matt and I out there." Justin smiled at himself as he thought of the scene unfolding before him. He had Matt alone with him, and for a good 10 minutes, but what was he going to do?
He moved back to the cushion near my head and lifted it into his lap. He started stroking my hair as a melody escaped his lips.
"Can this be true?
Tell me can this be real?
How can I put
Into words what I feel?
My life was complete
I thought I was whole
Why do I feel
Like I'm losing control?"
He felt the tear slip down his face as he finished the verse. He stared down into my face as he realized there was no need to go on. He couldn't have me - I was dating JC. He couldn't love me - he had just met me a day ago. He closed his eyes as he looked up to the ceiling. "God? Why did you have to make me this way? Was there a purpose? Why can't I just like the girls that throw themselves at me?" The tears were streaming faster now as the pity trip proceeded. Slowly, though, they subsided and he stopped stroking my hair. He looked down at my face as he wiped away the tears. "It'll happen soon. I'll find someone as good as you - maybe even better."
The limo pulled slowly to a stop and Justin started. "Oh Jesus, I gotta clean myself up or JC will get suspicious." He quickly rubbed his face and wiped away all traces of his tears. He took a deep breath and lightly touched my shoulder.
"Matt? Can you hear me? It's time to get up for a second."
JC was in his room, pacing the floor. "Where the hell is he? What's taking him so long. Jesus, he's trying to pull something over on me." He was still pacing the floor when Lance and Chris walked in the room.
"Oh, JC, stop. You don't have to worry about anything," Lance laughed. "If I know Justin then he had the driver circle the block a few times to draw away attention." He sat down in the cushioned chair and looked at JC closely for a second. "Josh, I mean it, sit down," he yelled. As the tension was raised in the room he realized he was overreacting.
"I can't help it Lance. He's doing something to me that I can't explain. It's not that I don't trust him - it's just that I want to be by him as much as I can." He sank onto the bed as the smile finally took over. "I think I'm falling in love guys."
Chris let out a little laugh as if this was news to him. "Well it's nice to know that you're finally being truthful with yourself!! We've been noticing it since before the restaurant!" He smiled gently and lovingly as he continued. "But you have nothing to worry about - he'll be back any minute."
"What? Where am I," I mumbled. Suddenly I shot straight up, knocking Justin in the chin with my hand. "Get him away from me," I yelled. I was looking around the limo but I was seeing the darkened alley.
"Shit," Justin yelled as he grabbed his chin lightly. "The fucking hurt...." He quickly looked back over at me and quieted down. "Matt, it's me, Justin. Calm down for a second and look at me." I slowly stopped moving as the world came into focus.
"Oh my God," I whispered, seeing the blood on his chin. "What did I do?" I reached out my hand gently and wiped away some of the blood. I reached for one of the tissues next to me and wiped the rest off. "I'm so incredibly sorry, Justin. But you woke me up and I didn't know where I was. I was still thinking about the alley and all."
As I finished cleaning him up I really looked around the limo. "Wait," I started. "Where is everyone?" He looked down to his lap, suddenly acting nervous.
"Well we pulled up to the front of the hotel when we realized that we had no way of getting you in. We couldn't just pull away so I had the other guys go in and had the driver pull around back with you. I was just waking you up so we could go through the service elevator."
I could tell he was telling the truth but I could still here that hint of nervousness in his voice. "Well, I guess that was a good thing to do. Thank you for staying with me...." I trailed off.
He quickly shook his head and opened the door. "Don't worry about it - lets just meet up with the rest of the guys. Can you get out by yourself?" I nodded my head and smiled to let him know I was all right. Thoughts were flying through my head, though, and I needed some time to think about them. I was remembering what had just happened in the alley with JC and earlier with Lance and now there was this Justin thing to worry about. I just shook my head as I slowly stepped out. Even though I had control Justin grabbed me around the forearm to support me as I stood. Once my legs locked I let out a laugh.
"Thank you. You're a true gentlemen." His eyes lit up as the words slipped from my mouth and I immediately knew what was happening. "Well, as much a gentlemen as one could expect from a young 18 year old." I started walking away from him as I heard him laugh.
"You know, you're only 17, I wouldn't be talking. You and I are more alike than you and JC...." he caught himself as he realized what he had said. "Well, age-wise of course." He quickly walked ahead of me and entered the building. I slowed my steps down to let him get ahead of me and fall into his own private world - not that I didn't need to go into my own.
As I made my way down the hallway to the service elevator I focused my attention on Justin. It was obvious that he was developing a crush on me, but how far would he take it? I don't think he tried anything in the limo, but how could I be positive? I was completely out of it the whole ride. I looked at his body as he walked ahead of me. Yes, he had a great body - the dancing did him well - but it just wasn't the same as JC's. JC had the lean, toned body that I really adored. He had that beautiful face that I could stare into for hours at a time. He had the hands that warmed mine whenever they were cold. He had the eyes that could pierce my walls and barriers and bring them down in an instance. Justin just wasn't the same.
I made my way to the elevator and saw that he was holding it open for me. I quickened my pace and stopped next to him. "Justin, I think we need to talk," I started, nervous for the first time around him. "I think....I mean....Well....." the words weren't coming out, no matter which way I approached them. "What's the plan for today," I asked, the only thing that came to mind.
I could see the fear in his eyes diminish as he laughed. "Well Lance actually had this wonderful day all planned out but we were waiting for you to wake up to decide. We stopped by a Greek restaurant on our way here and picked up some food and the guys were going to pick out a few movies to watch. But what we all really want to do is get out of this boring hotel. We were hoping you would take us people-watching." I could see the childish glee in his expressions. "Will you? Are you up for it?"
I struck "The Thinker's" pose and held it for a second before laughing. "Of course I'm up for it. Yes, I've had a hard day but I'm feeling better by the minute. But I definitely need some food before we go anywhere." The elevator dinged as we approached the 8th floor. "Hey, what time is it anyway? My watch was broken last night during...."
"Oh it's about noon right now," he broke in, cutting me off. "I think we have time for a movie before we head out so Joey can get back and everyone can rest for awhile. The....umm....activities of this morning have taken a toll on everyone."
"Yes, they sure did. This whole week has taken a toll on me." I sighed as the elevator opened. We made our way down the hall and started immediately to JC's room.
"I know they're in here," he remarked to my questioning gaze. He pushed open the door and everyone looked up.
"Well looky who finally showed up to the party," Chris shouted with fake glee. "Now we can really have some fun!!" I laughed as I saw Chris do a little jig around the bed before grabbing Justin's hands and pulling him into it. Lance was laughing too but as I looked over at JC I saw him staring at me.
"Josh? What's wrong?" I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as he slowly made his way to me. "Josh? Please, talk to me...." The room was quiet now as he reached for my hand. Lifting them up to his soft lips he touched them with a kiss. I stared down, my face stilled by shock. He put his finger on my chin and slowly lifted it up. His face crooked to the side, fitting into mine as I closed my eyes. His moist lips touched mine as he leaned in towards me. We were connecting - becoming one. He placed both of his hands on my face as he continued to kiss me with passion. Finally he broke the kiss and pulled away.
My lips were still open but my eyes were closed. My head was titled back and seemed to be frozen. He smiled as he grabbed my hand and led me over to the bed.
"Wow. That was a welcome kiss if I've ever had one." I whispered, still barely able to breath.
"You mean you've had others?" He asked, jokingly.
We sat on the bed and I leaned into his shoulder. I closed my eyes as I replayed the kiss once again in my head.
"Well now that the lovebirds have said hello, can we eat??" Chris piped up. Lance laughed as he started sitting out the food. Justin was sitting on the floor with a look of disappointment on his face. Unfortunately no one noticed. If only someone would have been looking....
The food was being devoured in a flash as we all chatted about little things. JC was staring at me the entire time and I just stared back at him. Every few minutes he would lean over to me to place his lips on mine again. Each kiss lasted longer than the previous one and finally Lance was forced to throw a french fry at us. I had to pull away - I've never been able to kiss someone while laughing. He leaned over once again but this time whispered in my ear. "We need to talk later tonight. I would like you to stay with me tonight."
I looked into his eyes and felt the familiar strains of guilt build up in my heart. "Yeah, we do need to talk. I have some things to tell you that you may not like." Concern immediately flashed through his eyes as he pulled away slightly. "Oh God, not like that Josh." I started. "At least I hope not. Just forget I mentioned anything until later." I dropped my head and slowly had another fry.
"I don't think so Matt. This sounds important." He grabbed my hand and stood up. "Guys, we're going to go talk for awhile." He looked over at Lance. "Can we use your room?"
"Um...yeah, sure." The three members of the group were silent as we walked out of the room. I gripped his hand tighter as the door closed and I could feel him start to turn cold. "Josh, it's really...."
"Shhh...." he cut me off. "Just wait till we get in the room."
We walked across the hall and he opened the door with his key card. He immediately dropped my hand and went to the chair as I sat on the bed.
"Now I have some good news for you Matt, but it sure as hell sounds like you have some bad news for me. And I don't want to hurt myself by exposing my soul, only to have you shoot it down and dump me. So I think you should go first."
I could feel the tension in the air and I was ready to cry. "Please Josh, just calm down and listen...."
"What the hell was that," Justin whispered.
"I've never seen JC look like that - he was positively crushed." Lance remarked.
"Guys, just calm down. We have no idea what Matt has to tell him. It could be so small that we'll all laugh when we hear about it."
"I don't think it's small Chris," Justin answered back. "You saw the look on his face." As everyone quieted down and finished their gyros Justin looked at the door. As much as it killed him, he felt the joy spread through his heart. Maybe he would have a chance.
"I didn't mean to make it sound like it did. All I wanted....What I was trying....Jesus why is this so hard." I took a breath and closed my eyes. I pictured the beach, warm waves lapping at the sandy shore. The image brought peace to me and the words started to flow from my lips. "I love you Josh. I think I can honestly say that. Do you remember what I mumbled in the alley? That you were my savior? It was true. Adam didn't save me - all he did was bring me to the hotel. You were the one who opened my heart with love. You were the one who I've focused on for the past two years. You're my one, true savior." The tears had finally started to fall and as I lifted a hand to wipe at them I felt something in the way. I opened my eyes and looked up, seeing him standing in front of me. His thumb connected with my cheek as I saw him nod. He still looked sad and defeated though.
"Go on. Just say whatever is on your mind. I can handle it."
I slowly dropped my hand again, wishing I could hold his instead. "I really love you, but when you said you needed to talk to me, that you wanted me to spend the night with you. I just....I can't Josh. I love you so much but I made a pact to myself. I promised myself that I would wait until I met that one person who made me feel like I was a prince. The one person who could look at me and know every single thing that was on my mind. The one person who was my soul-mate. I promised myself I would wait until I met that one man who deserved the honor of taking my virginity." I was starting to get angry and it showed in my voice. The tears were running faster as I continued. "I promised myself this and then that bastard Mark came and ruined it all. He took everything that I held dear and ripped it from my body. He took my virginity, he took my innocence, he took everything. And now I have nothing to give to you. I can't let you be my first because someone else has already been. I can't give you my one gift because that asshole stole it from me." I stopped suddenly, realizing that I had cursed for the first time ever. "Oh God, and look what he's made me do. He's made me lose control of my emotions and cuss. I hate him, Josh. I don't hate anybody, but I hate him. He's stolen everything from me."
Nothing could have kept him away at that moment. He pulled me into a hug as I cried on his shoulder. My chest heaved up and down as it was racked with sobs. Within seconds his shirt was soaked from my tears as they poured out. He stroked my back and whispered soft words in my ear. His lips pursed together as he kissed my lightly on the neck and the lobes of my ear. He moved on hand up to my hair and softly trailed his fingers threw it. He continued to hold me until I settled down. Finally he pulled away lightly, still holding me in his arms. He stared into my eyes before he spoke.
"I never knew you felt that way Matt. But I think I owe you an apology. I overreacted when you said I wouldn't like what you had to say. I knew I should have trusted you and believed in you, but I let my emotions get the best of me. My whole life I have shied away from emotions, focusing purely on work or whatever, but you have changed all that. You've made me realize there is more to life. You've made me look at it in a different light. I couldn't keep the small smile from creeping onto my face. "Now that's better." He stole a breath as he leaned in for a quick kiss. "Now can I explain what I meant?" I nodded my head as he continued.
"I did want you to spend the night with me - I still do in fact - but it wasn't meant to sound the way it did. I am falling in love with you. Hell, I think I've already fallen. And I can't stand it when I'm not around you. That's why I acted the way I did when you walked in the room. I need to be close to you; I need to be a part of you. When I said I wanted you to stay with me, I wasn't thinking about sex. I just want to hold you in my arms as we sleep. I would never imagine forcing you into anything that you weren't 100% ready for. I'm not sure I even could make you do something you didn't want to - you're too strong!!" He stared down at my hands as he continued, almost embarrassed. "And do you want to know the truth? I know exactly what you were talking about when you said you wanted to save yourself until you could give yourself to someone special....I actually had that same pact with myself." He looked into my eyes as a frown forced itself on his lips. "But I didn't hold onto that promise. I met a man who told me all of the right things. He made me feel like I was special and used me for sex. Two days later he broke it off and I haven't seen him since. It hurt me to realize that I was nothing to him but a piece of meat but I got over it. I know it's not the same situation as yours, but it's similar. I don't want to force you into anything. I'm not going to push." He took a big breath but quickly continued before I could speak. "Yes, if you told me right now that you were ready to make love to someone, I would take you and make it so special you wouldn't have any regrets, but I'm not going to even push the subject until you are sure. I want you to be ready."
"But I never can be ready Josh. Mark made sure of that when he took me into that alley."
"No he didn't Matt. I don't even want you to think that. Mark did nothing but a cowardly act when he took advantage of you. He didn't steal your innocence, or your essence, or anything else. He didn't even steal your virginity. Yes, someone has had sex with you, but that doesn't mean you gave away your virginity. It's more than just your "first time." I don't even think you can call what he did a first time. You've got something special Matt. You've got this aura that just radiates from you and NO one can take that from you. You have a mind that has unlimited potential. You have a heart that you're just starting to use - but don't worry, it'll never run out of love. You've got more running for you than you would believe and I need you to see that. Mark didn't take anything from you. He just pushed it down deep inside of you so you think it's gone. All you have to do is look inside yourself and you'll see. I already have."
My head dropped in shame as I realize how true he was. He quickly understood what was going through my head as the tears started again. "But don't feel sorry for the way you acted. You're 17, and although you may think you know a lot, you're still learning. Everyone is. It's not like you've ever experienced this before." He tried to smile as he went on. "I don't want you to worry about anything Matt. When you're ready to make love, you'll be giving that special guy more than you would imagine. You'll be giving him the key to your soul because you love him that much and you're giving it on your own free will. You've still got everything you need to make a guy happy for an eternity." He let go of my hands and stood up. "We need to get back to the guys now. They must be talking about us!"
"Josh....don't leave just yet." He looked back down at me and sank to his knees. "I...I want you to be that man Josh. I want you to have the key to my soul, I really do, but I'm just not ready yet. I understand what you're saying, I really do, but it'll take some time. I need to make sure you're okay with that."
He leaned up and placed his lips on mine. He pressed his tongue into my mouth as we fought for the others love. I let myself fall onto my back and he laid on top of me. I could feel my body heat up as the kiss continued. There was a fierceness behind it - something that was pushing it farther than just a kiss. We were telling each other our secrets, revealing our inner most thoughts. Our essences were pouring together, combining into one. We softly broke the kiss as I started to smile.
"As long as you kiss me like that at least once a day, and promise to always make me feel the way I do when you smile at me, then I can wait forever." I smiled as JC's words sank into my heart. "You don't realize how special you make me feel. As much as I want to make love to you, it's not worth it when you aren't ready. I'm not here for anything more than your love. Anything else you want to give me is purely icing on the cake." I laughed as I pushed him off of me lightly.
"You're so corny sometimes. You do realize that, right?" He broke out laughing as both stood up. "I think it's time to head back now." We walked down the hall, hand in hand, and as he put his hand on the knob I tilted my head up for a kiss. This wasn't as earth-shattering but it was with the man I loved, and that was all I needed at the moment.
To be continued....