Note: This is a complete work of fiction. I am not implying that any character within this story is gay or bisexual. This is just my fantasy, so let me have it!!! I'm planning on making this a continuing plot, with twists and turns and everything else thrown in. So please, don't be afraid to send any comments my way. Since I've never been to New York I may need a little help with some scenery and stuff. Please e-mail me at tumbler99@yahoo.com
Once again, I must write something new up here. I really put a lot of time into the last chapter. People watching has always been a favorite thing of mine and I wanted to throw it in the story somehow. Granted, I didn't put a whole lot of thought into the stories, but I did think they were emotional. I'm not expecting hundreds of e-mails, but I am really interested in whole people are reacting to the story. I'm trying to make it emotional. I'm getting a little nervous that people have stopped reading. So please, send something my way, even if it's a quick "I really do like the story but I just don't bother to write to the authors." I am guilty of the same thing. I love reading the stories but I still don't write to every author, every chapter. I suppose I'm just wondering if there is any reason to continue writing this story. I could easily stop because I have plenty to keep me busy with college, but I'm still interested in where this story is headed and I hope you are too.
'N SYNC Savior
Chapter Sixteen
"Josh? I think I need to be the one." I saw the concern in his eyes but I continued anyway. "There's something happening between us and I think he needs to talk to me about it." I stroked his hand lightly before I stood up. "Don't worry - I won't let anything happen." I started to walk away when I heard Joey whisper to Chris.
"What exactly is happening between them?"
"So now I'm back here. You know how I've always wanted to work with kids and help them with their problems, right? Well Matt really showed me that I had those qualities. He made me realize that I don't need to be working in the music industry - god, I didn't even like it. I was just doing it because of Dad." He let out a sigh before he continued. "He opened my eyes mom - that's all there is too it. So I'm going to finish my degree and see where it takes me. It's what I'm supposed to do. I can feel it."
She stood up and moved beside him. Grabbing him around the waist she gave him a hug and kissed him on top of the head. "You've always known about yourself deep in your heart. And I've always known too. I believe in you and whatever you're planning." She pulled away lightly to look him in the eye. "But I don't want your wedding to be a secret whenever it happens. As long as you're in love then I want to be there for it."
Adam looked up in shock but soon smiled. "I should have figured you would understand. All I have to do is explain something once...."
"Like they always say, `mother's know best.'" She pulled away and walked back into the kitchen. "So are you going to be staying here for awhile or are you moving completely out?"
"I haven't really thought about it too much. I don't think a dorm would really work - I would feel too uncomfortable. But I have enough money to get me set up with an apartment and roommates would be nice for a change. I'm sure not going to miss moving around every other day." He stood at the counter, rolling the salt and pepper shakers in his hand. "What do you think? Miami? Tallahassee? Orlando?"
"Well you've already been to Orlando quite a few times. So I would want to go somewhere different." She looked up as his eyes dropped and a frown fell over his face. "Unless," she whispered, "you really liked it there. Perhaps the company you kept was interesting?"
"I miss them, Mom. All of them. They were so normal and no one seemed to realize that. Matt did I think, or does I guess. But I just feel a pull back towards Orlando. At least that way I can keep in contact with them some of the time."
"Well it sounds like you've already decided. Now help me with this turkey."
I walked slowly over the grass. The sun was shining bright and I could feel the warmth seeping into my skin. I felt very calm even though I knew this would be an emotional talk. No matter how much Justin's behavior was annoying me, I still felt close to him. I felt close in a way I wasn't getting with JC or Lance.
I spotted the bright colors of his jacket and made my way to his bench. His back was turned towards me so I approached quietly. I bent over him and gave him a hug. My chin was resting on his head as he tried to pull away.
"No, shhhh, just sit still." I grabbed a little tighter, letting him know I wasn't angry at him. "You didn't have to get so defensive back there Just. I, we, were just a little shocked, okay? I'm not angry at you or even really embarrassed. I'm just happy that you feel that way about me, although for the life of me I can't imagine why you would. You've only known me for a few days now. I know you've seen more interesting people in your business." Through my little speech I straightened up and moved around the bench. Placing one leg under my butt I sat facing him. There were fresh tear stains on his shirt and his eyes were red.
"How can you even believe that?" He asked in a whisper.
"What are you talking about? I meant exactly what I said."
"No, don't even go there. I'm getting sick of this....this sweetness you have - it's so aggravating." I started to laugh but soon realized he was being serious.
"Sweetness? Um, you kind of lost me - way back on the blanket over there." I reached for his hand. "Why don't you just start at the beginning?"
"JC? Hey, JC? What's going on between them? Matt's not trying to get into Justin's pants too, is he?"
JC whipped his head and glared at Joey. "Matt's not even interested in Justin. So just drop it." He turned his head to look for us again as he broke down to a whisper. "And we're not sleeping together."
Seeing his mouth opening, Lance spoke up to stop Joey. "Don't. Seriously. We had this conversation back at the hotel. Matt and JC have....um....decided to wait a little longer. He's not just looking to get laid Joey. You can trust him."
A tear slipped down JC's face as he continued to stare into the open space.
"I've been lonely Matt. I haven't had a date, a real date, in months. It's been over a year since I've met a guy that I've really been into. It's making me sick."
"You don't have to tell me this. I've never even had a real date, remember?"
"But it's different. I'm not trying to put you down but when you're like me, with thousands of girls throwing themselves at you, it makes it that much more difficult. I sit in my hotel room night after night because I can't talk to that one hot guy I see in the crowd. I sit alone and wonder why I can't just lie to myself and like girls. It's hard." He took a big breath but I could tell he wasn't done yet. "So when you come around....when Adam tells us what happened to you....my heart just went out. It had nothing to do with you yet - it was just human nature. But then I got to know you better." He started to mutter so I leaned in close to hear him. "And I wasn't even your favorite!! My god, you were head over heels for JC from the very beginning and you connected with Lance like a brother. There you were, some intriguing, gorgeous, funny, single man, and I was thrown in the corner because I wasn't interesting enough to catch your eye." His words were getting faster. He was throwing in a sentence here and then a sentence there. It was confusing me a little.
"So this whole thing is about me not liking you? The fact that I'm with JC?" I saw his head slowly lift up to face me. It was the first time he'd looked me in the eyes.
"Not completely. It's part of it, a big part, but that's not all of it. I know it's childish, but JC's been so damn pure lately, not going out with anyone and devoting his life to his music, but when a great guy finally comes along, a guy like you, he can do everything in his power to make you hate him and he still gets you. He runs out of the room while you're talking and he's insensitive but nothing he does seems to matter." He slowly trailed off as I heard him sob.
"But don't you see? I didn't let those things affect me because I knew it wasn't really him. Josh and I are supposed to be together, that much is obvious to me at least. There's something special between us and I'm not going to let a few stupid things get in the way." I stroked his hand lightly. "But as for you, I do find you very attractive. You have a great body, a beautiful smile," I let out a little chuckle, "and a puppy dog face that can make anyone melt in a second." I saw him start to radiate and I knew I'd made my point. "And even though you're a really cool person too....you're not Josh. Now I know you probably don't want to hear that, but it's true. But I...."
"Just stop right there. You've told me everything I need to hear." He cracked a sideways smile at me. "I actually told myself most of those things this morning in the limo." He leaned in close to me and whispered, "do you promise not to tell the guys what I'm about to tell you?" I nodded my head and looked at him with my "as if you have to ask" look.
"I almost kissed you this morning." My body tensed up but he quickly continued. "Just listen. You were passed out and I was stroking your hair and singing you a lullabye....but I just couldn't do it. I told myself that it wasn't fair to you or JC. I told myself that I wasn't good enough for you but that someone would come along and I wouldn't be so scared to go after him. I told myself all of this stuff and it really helped." He stood up as he let go of my hands. "But it helped a lot more when you said it. I think I'm going to be all right now."
I slowly stood up beside him and realized I had to look up to him. "Well you just remember that it won't disappear like that," I snapped my fingers. "You'll still feel that jealous bone whenever you see me with Josh. But I'm always here for you. And I want you to know that we can talk about anything, anytime, anywhere." I threw my arm around his shoulder as we started walking back to the group. "But just don't interrupt us when we're sleeping. I'm not ready for him yet so I'm definitely not ready for a threesome!!"
"Josh? Care to join me for a walk?" I grabbed his hand to pull him up as he stared around incredulously. Justin had sat down next to Lance and pulled out a book from his bag. Joey and Chris and Lance were playing a game of spades but it had come to a halt with Chris holding his discard a few inches above the ground. "And Justin? I'll be back in a few." He looked up and smiled, nodding his head. I could see the questioning glances from the group, especially Lance, but I just pulled JC along the path.
"It's a beautiful day, isn't it? I'm so glad I get to spend it with you," I commented. My hands were in my pocket as I kicked a rock out ahead of us. When we reached it I kicked again, sending it flying. We approached it a third time and as I pulled my foot back I felt his hand on my back.
"What happened Matt? I don't like to see Justin disappointed like this." I could sense the concern in his voice and I hated myself for trying to skirt around the subject. There are just times when I don't feel comfortable talking about people behind there backs. But this was his best friend, right? And it wasn't anything too bad.
"What exactly do you want to know? Just what was wrong? Or the whole story?" I saw his mouth open and I knew he was going to answer but I cut in again. "Because I don't know if I can tell you everything. I know how bad that sounds but I don't just go around talking about people."
He took my hand in his without thinking about it. "Matt, you don't have to tell me anything. I know that Justin really trusts you because he actually talked to you. He doesn't talk to many people. I used to be the only one until he finally started opening up more. So I'm not going to butt in here because I know you are very capable of handling it."
Giving his hand a squeeze I smiled into his eyes. "Thank you, that makes me trust you even more, if that's possible." I took a breath as we started walking. He finally pulled his hand free but I could tell he didn't want to. "But I know that he'll tell you sooner or later so I'll ease your worries by telling you it's about me. I'm sure you've seen the way he's been acting around me. He's developed a little bit of a crush, kind of. I think it was a crush, but it's not anymore, if that makes sense." I could see the jealousy creeping into his eyes so I tried to stop it. "It's gone, it really is Josh. He's just lonely and he wants to meet someone the way you and I met. He's a little disappointed that you got the girl, or the guy in this case, when you've been so distant lately."
"But he has noth....distant? What the hell does that mean?" I could see anger this time. His emotions were like a roller coaster and I was being thrown around with them.
"He said that you've been focusing on your music and work for quite awhile now, ever since...." I trailed off as I realized a tear had slipped from his eye.
"I'm losing my best friend, aren't I?" He whispered. "I'm losing the one person who's been there for me for the past 6 years."
"No you're not," I asserted. "You aren't losing anybody. Justin's just a little depressed right now because not everything is going the way he wants it to. He doesn't think any different of you - he's just a little jealous that you have me. But he knows that it wasn't your decision." I saw the smile form on his face and I knew I had won. "I told him that it was fate that brought you and I together. He understands everything now, so don't worry." I let out a long breath. "All you have to do is let him know that you're here for him if he ever needs to talk. You haven't lost him yet, but something is obviously different if he didn't feel comfortable enough to come talk to you about this first."
We continued walking down the path as my words sunk in. JC realized that he had separated himself from the group. He realized that Justin was still young and he didn't have some of the experiences the other guys did. He knew he would have to have a talk with him when he got back.
As I walked along quietly, my own words sunk in. There was something different and I suddenly realized what it was. There was only one thing that had changed in their lives in the past few months. That one thing had been me.
Lance stared at Justin as he opened his book and started reading. Chris stared at Lance as he stared at Justin. And Joey stared at the young girl who was walking by with a bounce to her step.
"Justin," Lance started. "What exactly....is that book about? I've seen you reading it for the past week and I haven't asked about it yet." He kicked himself for not being brave enough to confront his friend but the words wouldn't come out.
"It's about this boy, no, this man, who's really sick and tired of having all of his friends questioning him all the time. He's sick of feeling the concerned looks on his back and hearing the hushed whispers. He's sick of not being able to just talk to them like he used to. I would offer it to you but I know that you've never experienced that before." The distaste was obvious in his voice but he could not control it any longer.
Lance was choked up. He had no idea how to answer that so he looked to Chris for help.
"Jesus, Curly. Lets try to put this in perspective, okay? You've been the one acting all weird lately. All we're doing is trying to be here for you but you keep pushing us away. Now if you don't want to talk about it then we'll leave it alone, but you have no right to get angry at us for caring." The card game started again as Justin sat alone. The words burned into his heart. The fire was spreading through his chest and he suddenly felt light headed. He turned his body and let his head rest on Lance's knee. He closed his eyes and the world stopped spinning.
"I'm sorry guys. You always know how to call me out when I'm a jerk, don't you Chris?"
"That's my job, buddy."
"You guys just don't know how it feels to be in my shoes though. You aren't 18 and touring the world. You aren't away from your family for months at a time. You aren't sitting in your hotel room at night and crying yourself to sleep."
Lance slowly stroked Justin's hair, feeling the tight curls on his fingers. "Justin, we may not be 18, but we are everything else you just said. We've all be through it at one time or another and we have all been depressed at one time or another. Is that all this is about?"
"It's part of it. I don't know how to explain it. There is just something going on with Matt and I - but don't start jumping to conclusions, we've already talked about it - and then you guys started acting all weird whenever I said anything."
"But we didn't mean too," Joey interrupted. "We were just a little shocked when you said that. And you have been pretty distant lately." Justin had to laugh at that. He had thought the exact thing of JC earlier today. And now they were thinking it of him.
"Yeah, I have been, haven't I?" The guys all nodded their heads as Justin shook his own. "Listen. This is what's going on. When I first met Matt I got a little crush. It hurt me when JC finally got him and now I'm a little depressed. I didn't mean to make you guys uncomfortable by saying what I did, but you guys still didn't have any reason to freak out. It was just a comment."
"And we'll leave it at that," Lance interjected. "We're all cool now, right? Just don't be afraid to come talk to us if you need to. We're still best friends, remember?"
JC and I had turned back to join with the others when I saw him. He was walking towards us, holding hands with a pretty young girl. She was positively glowing with excitement and his smile could melt anyone's heart. He leaned into her and whispered in her ear. Her laughter floated through the air and landed in our ears. JC finally looked up at the couple and smiled. He reached over and tapped my shoulder, ready to point them out to me. But when he saw my face he froze. My eyes were huge, filled with fear. My face was pure white as my lips started to tremble.
To be continued....
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