Note: This is a complete work of fiction. I am not implying that any character within this story is gay or bisexual. This is just my fantasy, so let me have it!!! I'm planning on making this a continuing plot, with twists and turns and everything else thrown in. So please, don't be afraid to send any comments my way. Since I've never been to New York I may need a little help with some scenery and stuff. Please e-mail me at tumbler99@yahoo.com
'N SYNC Savior
Chapter Four
I got up suddenly and picked through my clothes. "Who am I going to meet?" I thought. "What do I need to wear? Are they punk rock, pop, country, what?" I finally found my favorite pair of jeans and a dark green shirt that brought out my eyes. I had already combed my hair after my shower but as I looked in the mirror I was a little shocked as to how noticeable the scratches and red neck were. "God, what am I doing here?"
I turned around to Adam, who was standing by the door, and told him I was ready. We walked out into the hall and I was surprised at how quiet it was. But, it was probably a private hall if a band was up here. We slowly strolled through the hall until we'd reached the middle door. Adam looked at me and laughed, sensing my nervousness. "Don't worry, they won't bite." He reached for the door handle and gave it a slight turn. He pushed the door open with one hand as he lightly pushed my back with the other. I made the mistake of looking across the room into the open patio door and the bright light blinded me for a second.
"Well, you must be Adam's friend," I heard a soft voice say. I blinked my eyes and focused in on the owner of the voice. As those bright dots slowly faded from my eyes I realized who was talking to me. My mouth dropped open but I kept myself from screaming. I'm not really a screamer; I can get loud when I want to, but I'm still not much of a screamer. I struggled for breath for a few seconds, trying to find my voice again, when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I looked over at Adam who was lightly massaging my shoulder. As he smiled at me I felt my composure come back.
"Guys, I want you to meet a special friend of mine. His name is Matt, and he's from Kansas. He....well....he," Adam was fumbling for words, looking over at me to see if it was safe to proceed. I nodded at him, still unable to bring myself to look at JC.
"Well, he kinda had some troubles last night and I brought him up here to rest and relax a little. Oh God, forgive me for being so rude. Matt, this is Lance," and he pointed to a young man with bright, spiky hair who gave a little nod and continued watching - "Justin," an even younger man who's almost-white curls were running wild - "Joey," a bigger, older man who had a pretty bad red-dye job - "Chris," who was sitting on the bed, eating from a big plate of food, with tight braids falling into his face - "and last but certainly not least, JC," who stuck out his hand to shake mine. I looked into his eyes and felt myself fall back again. His beautiful light blue eyes seemed to pierce my soul and brighten my day. Without thinking about it my face broke into a grin and my hand shot out. I gave him a firm shake even though I was feeling a little woozy.
"These are the guys from...."
"....'N Sync. Yes, I know," I interrupted Adam. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. To be honest I never thought I would get the chance." I continued staring into JC's eyes until he pulled his hand out of mine and turned to where his food was sitting. My grin faded as I looked at his strong back. I shook myself and turned towards the rest of the group. It felt like I was screaming on the inside, yet totally miserable on the outside. I noticed that Justin was still watching me; he had sleep in the corners of his eyes. He opened his mouth to ask me a question but Chris beat him to it.
"So what are you doing here in New York, Matt?" I drew my eyes away from the teen and looked at the bed. Chris' voice was fairly high pitched - not like a girl's - but higher than a normal range. It sounded weird at first, actually hearing it in person, but I soon grew accustomed to it. I thought of the real reason why I was here and suddenly realized how awful it sounded. A fully paid, two-week vacation to the Big Apple, staying in a nice hotel and eating at the nicest restaurants? God, no wonder other people thought I was a spoiled brat.
"Well, I'm actually here for a few weeks for a vacation. A little, um.... a big graduation present you could say, although I think it was more of an excuse to get me out of the house. I arrived last night and on my way to the hotel I...." my face dropped as I suddenly remembered what happened. Adam noticed this and jumped in.
"And he ran into me." He looked at the guys and made it clear that the issue was closed for awhile. He pulled a chair out and sat me down gently. I felt the tear slide down my cheek as the memory flooded my mind. I felt the pain race through my body as I sat on the hard chair. I let out a small cry, drawing everyone's attention. Lance looked at me with concern on his face and Justin actually stood up. Adam held his hand out, motioning for them to stay. I looked up at him and shook my head.
"Please Adam, don't baby me. You've been a big help but I can do this myself. I'm not going to lie to these guys about what happened, and since I've got to talk about it sometime I might as well do it today." I lightly eased back in the chair, putting more of my weight on my back than my ass. I saw Justin sit down as Chris sat up a little straighter. JC had finally looked my way and was watching me with fascination.
"I did run into Adam last night. Kind of. He actually ran into me." I took a deep breath and felt Adam's hand on my shoulder. I could see a pained look run through JC's eyes, but I didn't understand what it meant. "I was being foolish. I told myself that I could walk the short distance to my hotel from the airport. I like to walk and I'm pretty good with directions - I figured I would be all right. I guess I wasn't as good at them as I thought." I chuckled to myself as Lance spoke up.
"You got lost, didn't you?" I could hear his Southern accent and I had to smile. I nodded my head as I felt another tear fall from my lashes.
"Yeah, I got lost. I got frustrated. I got angry. I got disappointed. I got all of those things and on top of them all I got what I thought was help. I met this....man....at an outdoor cafe. He wasn't that interested in helping me at first. He was more interested in looking at my bod....I mean, he was more interested in his drink." I stopped myself for a second, already fed up with the small lies I had been telling. I looked around the room, into 5 different pairs of eyes. "You don't want to hide your true feelings or your true self, right?" I was asked by my conscience. It didn't wait for me to answer. "So just tell them."
"God, I just met you all and I've already hidden the truth from you."
I felt a strong pull draw my gaze to Chris. I looked him in the eye and could feel him searching me for the truth. I slowed my breath and let him look, thankful I didn't have to talk. He smiled slightly and laughed.
"Is that all? That's what you're worried about?" I nodded my head and felt another tear slip from my eye. "Guys, Matt here was lost and when he came to an outdoor cafe he saw a really hot guy. He went to get help from him but the guy only seemed to be interested in his body. Okay, now do you want to go on?" Chris looked over at me and as he gave me an encouraging smile I broke out in laughter. But then it dawned on me exactly what he had said. I looked around the room to see the reactions of his friends and was shocked. Justin was sitting in a chair and smiling wide, thinking the situation so far was funny. "Oh, just wait until you hear the rest of the story Justin," I thought to myself. Joey was sitting on the ground now, nodding his head for me to continue. I looked over at Lance and saw him shake his head.
"Don't worry about that Matt. You've got to do a lot worse to have us dislike you. Like saying the Backstreet Boys are better than we are. That might do it." That brought a laugh to the room and I felt the tension being lifted. Until I looked at JC.
His eyes were down and they might have been shut, I couldn't tell for sure. His head was slightly moving, as if he was shaking it. I had no idea what he was thinking but I did know he wasn't looking up at me and giving his support. I felt my heart drop even farther.
"I met....Mark....at that outdoor cafe and he wasn't going to give me directions. But before I could walk away to find someone else he was at my side, telling me he would walk with me the rest of the way. I probably should have said no right then but I was lost, and cold, and frustrated, and yes, he was hot," I said, smiling at Chris, "so I accepted.
"We started walking and he started talking. We hit some subjects that interested both of us and I guess I started flirting with him. I didn't even think about it; I just did it. I might have been forcing myself too hard, telling myself not to hide anymore, but I did flirt with him and that's what started it all.
"We had been walking for awhile when he told me he knew a shortcut through an alley. I started getting nervous - I remembered all of those old movies I'd seen - but he had that smile." I paused. "God, why did I let him get to me like that?" I looked up to the ceiling and tried to control my rapid breathing. I felt Adam's hand caress my shoulder again which was quickly joined by a second hand on my arm. I looked over and saw Lance sitting next to me, motioning for me to go on. I closed my eyes as the scene started to replay itself in my mind's eye. I could tell the group was entranced with my story, but I was reliving it again and there was nothing I could do about it.
"We were in the alley when he suddenly stopped. He did this 360 turn, looking for someone or something, and then just started laughing. I think he did it to get me even more nervous than I already was. Then as I was walking towards the end of the alley he grabbed my arm and....and he....he pulled me into him and kissed me." The tears were flowing faster now as I continued. "He told me that I had been flirting with him all night....and that he couldn't wait any longer. He pushed me against the wall and leaned towards me again. I tried to kick him, I really did, but he was too strong. And then he kicked me....and my head, it hit the ground....and then he was on top of me....and he was so strong...."
I stopped for a second, not hearing a sound in the room. My head was throbbing - it had started from the moment I reached that part of the story. I could still feel the guys around me - but I could also feel the cold night wind, the hard concrete, the fierceness of Mark's motions.
"He pulled down our pants and got himself....situated, I suppose. I was crying hard by then, feeling the shame overwhelm me. And then....then....oh God....it hurt so much Adam. I felt like I was being torn apart....the heat was overwhelming, burning my body...."
"But before I knew it he was done. I couldn't move, though. My mind was closing itself off and nothing was working right anymore. He kicked at my body and yelled at me, calling me names. But I couldn't move, my body wouldn't let me. And then....God, then he leaned over...." I started crying harder, unable to speak.
I felt Justin come up and softly hold my face in his hands, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. If I wouldn't have been reliving the rape I'm sure I would have flipped, knowing he was holding my face. He looked into my eyes - eyes that were seeing a darkened alley and a rapist, not a warm hotel room and a beautiful teen - and started crying himself.
"Go on Matt. Get it all out."
"He leaned over me and whispered in my ear....He told me that I deserved it, that it was all my fault. And it was my fault....I flirted with him, practically giving myself to him....I....I....Oh God, I deserved it." I finally hit my breaking point and was thrown back to the present. My eyes exploded with a fresh batch of tears as I felt Justin pull me in for a hug. Adam's hand moved from my shoulder to my back and I could feel him rubbing me lightly. I couldn't see or feel the other guys, only Justin and Adam. I sunk into his body, feeling his warmth spread into me. Even though he was crying too, he had a calmness about him that spread into me. I felt my shudders die down as my breaths slowed. My heart continued to beat fast as I softly pulled back.
"Thanks Justin. I needed that. I didn't mean to get so emotional. I think I'm done now."
Justin pulled back slowly with tears rolling down his cheeks. "After what you've been through you deserve to get emotional. Don't be afraid to let it all out."
I looked over at Lance and saw the wetness on his cheeks. He gave me an encouraging nod. Joey was still on the floor but by now he had bright sparkles in the corners of his eyes. He hadn't quite managed the nerve to let them fall. He quickly sniffed and wiped at his eyes with his thumb. Chris was slowly sliding off the bed, walking over to me quietly. Justin crawled over a few feet to let Chris kneel in front of me. He gathered me up in his arms and gave me a strong hug, rubbing his hands on my back like you do when you see your Grandmother after a long break. I could feel his tears on my shoulder as my fabric became wet. I actually let out a little laugh, realizing that I've never seen the personal sides of these 5 wonderful guys. Chris pulled away lightly and looked into my eyes quizzically.
"Oh, you didn't think we got emotional, did you? Well, we're normal people just like everyone else." He spoke softly as I smiled down at him. I was going to reply when I felt my eyes being drawn to the far side of the room. JC was the only one not next to me. I looked at him hopefully for a second, until I realized he was angry. I saw that his perfect skin was dry, without a trace of a tear. I saw that his crystal blue eyes weren't so lovely anymore, not when they were clouded with hate and anger. I saw that his muscles were tight, flexed like he was ready to pounce on an unsuspecting foe. I opened my mouth to say something - I don't even know what was going to come out - but he stopped me by standing up.
He did a quick glance around the room as everyone stared up at him. Lance was opening his mouth to speak but nothing came out. JC turned with his eyes still filled with anger and stormed out of the room. He slammed the door behind him and I could hear his footsteps running down the hall. The sound brought back last night, when Mark ran away, and I started to cry again. I felt Adam's hand on me as Chris pulled me in for a hug. Lance finally seemed to find his words as he softly whispered.
"And some of us get emotional in other ways. You don't know Josh like the rest of us do - he isn't normally like this. He just doesn't know how to let his emotions out. I'm positive that this has nothing to do with you personally." Lance looked into my eyes and I felt myself fall once again, staring into his unusual green eyes.
As my crying slowly stopped I had to smile. "Well, I guess I couldn't get all of you on my side, could I?" I thought I was trying to be funny but I saw the pained expression on Lance's face.
"Don't say that. JC has always devoted his life to his music. That hasn't left much time for emotional maturity,' I suppose. I know it sounds like I'm defending him, but I'm not. I'm just trying to give you an explanation," he paused for a second. "Wait here. I'll go talk to him really quick." He stood, ready to move away from the group, when Justin spoke up.
"No, Lance. I've handled this before. I think I should be the one to go." He spoke quietly but with conviction. I peeked over at Lance to check out his reaction. Surprisingly, he sat back down and nodded his head. I smiled lightly to myself. "God, they really do know everything about each other. Lance didn't even blink when Justin spoke."
"Thank you Justin, but I really don't want to start anything here...." I was cut off as Justin started moving away.
"As much as you'd like to believe that, you didn't start this Matt. We've all seen this coming. We all knew JC would reach a point where he wouldn't be able to hide his emotions the way he normally does. I'll be back in a bit." As he reached the door and turned the knob he looked back at me and smiled. His curly hair, though still messed up, framed his face perfectly. I couldn't help but laugh.
The door closed behind Justin and I let out a long sigh. Luckily his footsteps weren't loud enough for me to hear.
"I can't believe I'm sitting next to you guys and telling you what happened to me last night. I mean, you guys are like superstars. I've seen you on T.V., in magazines, on the radio, everywhere but an actual concert....but I never thought I would ever meet you. And you're all so....normal....I guess that's the word I'm looking for. Well, except for JC...."I slowly trailed off as I felt Chris rub my arm lightly.
"Don't worry about him. Justin will bring him back soon enough. And don't worry about us either. We are normal - we just have a really awesome job. It's been our dream to be able to perform in front of sold-out audiences and be poster-boys in magazines and hear our music on the radio, but underneath it all, we're human."
Lance spoke up next. "I just met you a few hours ago but I already know that you're more different than we are. And I'm not talking about the gay thing....There's just something about you that's different. But not in a bad way, don't get me wrong. I feel connected to you somehow, kind of like a brother I suppose." His southern accent and deep voice melted into my soul and I felt myself smile.
"Wanna know the truth? I feel the same way with you. But I thought it was only because I've read so much stuff about the group. I've seen the interviews and bought a few of the books," I stopped to laugh quietly. "And you should see some of the fan-fiction that's posted on the net. There are some really good stories that have been written by everyday people. And I know that those stories aren't you, but I still feel like I know you." I paused for a second to smile again at Lance. "I'm trying not to act like a lunatic fan, but I really mean what I say about feeling the connection. It does feel like it's more than just a friendship, doesn't it?"
"Yes it does. I think our personalities are surprisingly similar...."
"Oh, they are," I said, cutting him off. He started laughing as he continued.
"And we already finish each others sentences...."
"Well, technically I didn't finish your sentence but...."
"But that's something I would have said. And that time I did finish yours." We smiled and laughed at our little exchange as Joey coughed loudly, trying to get our attention.
"If you guys are done talking about your brotherly relationship, I'd like to get to know Matt better too," he said sarcastically.
"What, am I chopped liver? I want to get to know him, too," Chris whispered quietly as a small pout formed on his face.
"Oh, is that what I've been smelling since I walked in here," Adam shot back. We all laughed as the mood brightened even more. We talked for a few minutes about my life. I told them a little bit about Kansas and how boring it was living in the middle of nowhere. Lance spent a lot of time reminiscing about Mississippi. I could see the pain in his eyes and I knew he missed his family and home more than he let on. I turned my head slowly, reminding myself that Lance and I weren't the only ones in the room.
"So what about you Chris? How are you handling your new life on the road?" I looked down at Chris, who was sitting at my feet, and smiled as his braids fell in his face.
"Well, I really enjoy it actually. But I'm older than Lance and Just. And I've always loved traveling and meeting new people. You don't realize how similar people are, and yet how different at the same time...."
"You'd be surprised at how much I know. Even though I live in Kansas I've seen plenty in my life. My dad's a pilot so we fly pretty much everywhere we go. I've already been to 7 countries in Europe and most of the continental U.S. I love to people watch and I'm pretty observant even when I'm not doing that, so....yeah....I've seen a lot." I sighed a little as this realization hit me. I knew I had done all of those things, but saying them out loud, all at once, made it finally sink it.
"People watch? What's that?" Lance asked.
I looked over at him and smiled. "You mean you've never people watched? I thought we were so similar...."
"Oh, hush," he laughed. "Just explain it!!"
"Okay, okay. People watching is where you go into a crowded area, like an airport - that is where I do it most of the time - and just watch people. You make up little scenes and fantasies about the people you see. It's like....well....it's really hard to explain. I'll just have to show you guys sometime. Don't worry, you'll enjoy it."
The conversation was slowly turning. We hit everything from home life to school to music. Obviously we all had our own viewpoints but I found Lance and myself agreeing more and more as the hours went by. Chris and Joey, I found out, were pretty similar in their thinking also. Chris was definitely a little wilder, but Joey wasn't a tight-ass by any means! Adam was the only one who was acting quiet throughout the conversation.
"Adam, is there something bothering you? You haven't even asked any questions," Joey asked.
"I'm sorry guys. I'm just going over a lot of things in my head. Ever since I found you last night, Matt....I've....I've just had a lot on my mind." Adam slowly turned his head to stare out the window but Joey wouldn't let it go.
"Sorry bud, that isn't going to cut it. You know that we don't have any secrets within the group. Spill it Adam." We all stared at Adam as he shook his head lightly.
"You sure don't take any excuses, do you?"
"Nope."
"Well, I suppose you guys deserve to know," Adam started. "When I found Matt last night and brought him up to my room I realized something: I knew exactly how to take care of him. I felt my fatherly instinct take over and guide me throughout the night. I....I just know that I'm supposed to be doing something like that in life. I'm supposed to be helping people, not....not traveling through the country and serving meals to the rest of the managers. I don't want to offend you guys, but this isn't for me." He paused for a second. "I'm going to leave the group." As the three singers started, lifting themselves up, Adam held out his hand. "I know what you're going to say, but it won't do any good. I've always wanted to become a counselor or a psychologist. I've always felt the calling to help people. I just can't do this anymore."
As he finished his little speech he dropped his head lightly. I could see the corner of his eyes moisten as we stared at him. I knew this wasn't my place so I sat back and waited quietly. Luckily, Chris broke the silence.
"Is this what you really want?" He asked, always the one to follow his heart. Adam just nodded his head, still looking down at his hands.
Lance spoke up next. "Are you going to be able to get out of your contract?" I would have laughed at his practicalness if the scene would have been different.
"I'm not sure," Adam whispered, "but I'm sure Doug with be cool with it if I explain."
Joey was the only one left to speak. He paused for what felt like an eternity but finally spoke up. "We'll all miss you bud. You know that you were always one of our favorites. No one else treated us as nice as you did....God, I'm talking like you've already left. No one else treats us as nice as you do," he corrected himself.
Adam sighed and even laughed a little. "Thanks guys. You don't know how much this is hurting me, but it's something I have to do. I'm glad you understand."
I looked up at him lightly, wondering if it was all right to speak. But, I've never been one to hold my tongue for too long, so I let loose.
"I'm not about to be the one to be pessimistic. I just want to thank you for everything you've done for me. I know someone would have found me sooner or later but I'm glad it was you and not some freak. And, you've brought me here to meet these wonderful guys," I smiled. "I've also experienced your fatherly instincts' as you call them, and I can say that they are first- class. There are going to be plenty of lucky people who come into your office to talk about their problems."
Adam smiled as a tear slipped down his face. He leaned down for a hug, which I returned gratefully. Somehow I doubted this would be the last hug we shared but I wasn't going to pass it up. As he lightly rubbed my back with his hand he whispered in my ear quietly.
"I'm never going to forget you. You're the reason I'm going to get my life back on the track that it should have been on from the beginning. Thank you for everything you've shown me." He pulled away softly as I started crying.
"Forget me? How am I ever going to forget you?? You're the special one here - not me." He stopped crying as his jaw dropped and he stared, shocked.
"What? How can you be so special and still not see it? I didn't do anything spectacular. You're the one who's opened my eyes and shown me how people should be. YOU are the special one, Matt...."
We were interrupted as the door was thrown open. Adam's head whipped to the left as I slowly turned that way also. Lance stood quickly as Joey and Chris stared. Justin walked through the door with a frown on his face. He moved out of the doorway as he turned back to pull someone through the door. Grabbing hold of JC's shirt Justin led him to the middle of the room. I sat quietly in the chair as they walked up to me. Chris had moved out of the way, allowing JC to stand directly in front of me.
I looked up at him, seeing his baby blue eyes peer into my own soft sea-green's. I felt a shiver run through my body as I felt him peer into my soul. I tried to tear myself away but couldn't. His powerful aura was too much for me; I couldn't move an inch. I felt a gasp escape my lips as he slowly kneeled in front of me. Reaching softly for my hand he lifted it slightly and held it in his soft, warm fingers. Throughout this all we had not broken our stare, which lasted for another long spell. Finally, when I felt like my heart was about to burst, I saw his mouth open as he began to speak.
To be continued....