Nsync with My Premonitions

October 18, 2000 Derikab@hotmail.com *Nsync with my Premonitions-Comatose

OK, you know the usual. Don't know, don't care. This is fiction, i.e. not real. If you have problems seeing any one of the boys gay, leave. If you have a problem seeing one of 'the' boys kiss another boy, leave.

I have gotten many more response from the last few chapters of this story. I appreciate every one of you writing me and letting me know what you think of it. Please keep me informed of how you like the story. It really helps an author. I am glad that some people like it enough to let me know. Please send my feedback, I love to hear from people. I'll appreciate it.

Don't forget about the Fan Fic Awards 2000. The voting starts on December 8 so go and vote for me if you like the story. I'll even take that over feedback. LOL!! Again, I don't know who nominated me, but I want to thank that person or persons. 'Premonitions' is a project that I thought would never happen. I am glad that it did, and I am glad that some of you out there think that is it worth a nomination at the FFA2000. If you want to go to the site and look around, the address is: http://www.envy.nu/ffawards2000.

Anyway, as usual, my site is up and running, and the next chapter is usually posted there a couple days in advanced of Nifty. If you write me, I will be more than happy to add you to the list and notify you of any updates. If not, check out the site anyway. While you are there, don't forget to sign the guest book. The link is http://Derikab.cjb.net.

Now all that is out of the way, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter Fifteen-Comatose

I heard Justin and Monty talking up front, but I didn't feel like getting up. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I had a strange dream that kept flashing from one scene to the next before I could see what it was. It wasn't helping my headache any, but then again, I was asleep. The next thing I could remember in the dream was seeing Monty hit the windshield of the bus. I didn't know what was happening.

I bolted upright at Monty's scream. I jumped out of the bed as the bus was coming to a stop. I lunged forward, catching myself on the bed before looking around the curtain. I saw Monty at the front of the bus holding on to a support bar when I screamed his name.

When he turned to me, his hand slipped and he tripped forward, heading straight for the windshield, head first. As I was running past the guys, I looked out the window and saw the truck cross the intersection and hit another car that had passed us. I ran up and knelt down next to him and called his name again. He was fighting to keep his eyes opened and he looked at me and asked.

"You.......OK?"

My eyes were already letting the tears go. My face was wet and I know he saw it.

"Yeah," I said, crying, as I put a hand on his shoulder, giving a soft smile.

He smiled at me and said, "I love you," before letting his eyes win their battle and close.

"Monty?" I called.

"Monty?" I called again, this time a little louder.

I looked on the floor under his head and saw that he was bleeding badly.

"Somebody call an ambulance," I called and reached for his pulse.

It was still strong but I could tell that it wasn't going to stay that way for long.

"It's on its way," Joey called

"Hang in there, Monty. Everything will be fine. Just hang in there, baby. Please," I pleaded holding his hand while my tears were falling off my chin.

Within ten minutes, I could hear three sirens getting closer. Justin jumped over Monty and left the bus to retrieve the paramedics. When he came back, two guys took over and started working on Monty as fast as they could. I heard one say to the other that his pulse was getting weaker.

Lance pulled me up and grabbed me in a hug. I cried, knowing there was nothing I could do to help him. Justin came up behind us and put his hand on my back.

"Josh. He's going to be fine. He's too strong to let you go. Don't worry.

Everything will be fine."

I listened to Justin's words, but somehow I couldn't believe them. When I said them myself, I didn't believe them. I said it for Monty's sake. I needed him to know that things would be ok.

Before the paramedics put him on a stretcher, they put a neck brace on and asked what happened. Justin told them the events and they said that his neck was probably broken. I cried harder hearing this. They took him off the bus and started for the ambulance.

"I've got to go with him," I said, wiping my face.

"No," Lance said. "Joey would you ride with Monty? We'll, be right behind you."

Joey started to exit the bus, but I again protested.

"No. I need to go with him."

"Josh, you are in no shape to be riding with him. You'll just be in their way. Please, Josh, let Joey go. We'll be right behind them," Justin said.

I dropped out of Lance's grip and fell to the bench, burying my face in my hands as I landed.

"Josh," Justin said, kneeling in front of me and placing his hands on my shoulder. "We are going to need you to be strong this time. We don't want you to do anything else. We don't want to loose you or Monty, but we need you to stay strong."

I knew what he meant. Lance and Justin were going to be watching me like a hawk to make sure I don't attempt things again. While my face was still buried, I just nodded my response and continued to cry. Justin moved his hands from my shoulders to my back and he was hugging me, trying to comfort me and give me support. Lance sat down on one side of me and put his arm over my back and Justin's arms. Chris sat down on the other side and did the same. I just quietly cried and prayed that Monty would be all right.

The ambulance left about a minute before Andre started the bus. He did his best to get us there as quick as possible, but we had to wait for afternoon traffic and then turn around by going two square blocks out of the way. We arrived about fifteen minutes after they got there and I jumped off the bus and ran for the emergency room. Once inside, I saw Joey sitting, waiting for us to show.

"Where is he? What's going on?" I asked.

"I don't know, yet. They're working on him now. Trying to get him stable. On the ambulance, they told me that he should pull through, but it's just going to take time," Joey explained.

I started to let the tears flow again and Joey pulled me to a nearby chair for me to sit. The others just crowded around me as Justin stood next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

About an hour after waiting, the doctor came over and introduced himself and asked if we were with Monty. I stood up and confirmed that we were.

"Well, his neck isn't broken, but he has suffered a spinal injury. Also, when he hit the glass, he cut his head pretty bad." I started to get tears in my eyes again. "We've stitched up the wound, but we're going to have to keep him here for a long while. He's slipped into a coma."

My knees immediately buckled from underneath me. I almost hit the floor, but Justin and Chris caught me before I got the chance. They pulled me back to my chair and Chris sat with me. The doctor continued to explain what was going on, but I couldn't hear him. I was quickly becoming oblivious to my surroundings. The noise started fading from my ears and the visions were quickly becoming blurred.

After the doctor paused, I jumped out of my 'trance' and asked if we could see him.

"Probably not for a couple of days. We want to make sure he's stable and that all the wounds are found before we let him have visitors. If things go as planned, we should be able to move him to his own room by tomorrow."

"Ok, thanks," Lance said as the doctor walked away.

I just sat there not being able to feel my legs. I wanted to stand and go and find Monty. Just to stand next to him.

"JC?" I heard someone call.

I pulled my focus to the face in front of me and saw Justin staring at me in worry.

"Huh?"

"Since we can't see him, do you want to go back to the bus or back to the hotel?"

"No. I'm just going to stay here," I explained, wiping the last of the tears from my eyes.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Lance sounded.

"I'll be fine. I just don't want to go to far, just in case," I explained, giving a weak smile.

"Well, I'm staying with JC," Justin said, sitting next to me.

"Well, I'm going back to the hotel and see if we can have the same room and make some phone calls. I need to let management know." I started to voice an opinion, but was I silenced by his next sentence. "Don't worry, JC. I'm going to tell them that we are staying. The album's almost finished, so they should have no protests against it."

I ended up being content with what he told me, so I let my body relax back in the chair.

"Also, I really need to call his mom. From what the doctor said, he won't be out in a week. She really should be here. Do you have the number? For Pat and Tony also?"

"No. They are stored on his cell phone. Justin, do you still have it?"

"Yeah, I think so," he said thinking. "Yeah, it's on the bus, in my bag. I'll get it for you, Lance."

"Thanks." Looking back at me, Lance said, "Are you sure you wanna stay?"

"Yeah. I have to prove to myself and to Monty that I can stay strong. I can't just freak out every time something happens. I'll be fine."

He just looked at me when Justin came back with the phone. "I'm going to take care of this. When I'm done, I'll be back."

"Ok," I said, closing my eyes and laying my head back against the wall.

I heard the four of them walk away and talk for a moment. I couldn't make out what it was, but I knew they were talking about watching me. I wished they knew that I wouldn't try that again. I hurt Monty more by trying to kill myself. That was the last thing I wanted.

When I opened my eyes, I was laying in Justin's lap with Lance's coat draped across my chest.

"Mornin'," Justin said with a small smile.

"What time is it?" I asked sitting up.

"About 3:00 am. You fell fast asleep before Lance had a chance to leave, so we didn't disturb you."

"Has there been any more news?"

"No. I would've woken you if there were."

"Where are the others?"

"Lance is over here, asleep and the other two are sleeping in the bus. Lance got a hold of Marie, Tony and Pat. Tony and Pat are leaving tomorrow and Marie left as soon as Lance hung up the phone. She should be here in a few hours."

Looking at Justin, he looked tired. "Have you been asleep, yet?"

"No."

"Why not? Just, you look exhausted."

"I know, but I was too worried about you. I wanted to be awake when you woke up. In case you needed to talk."

"You just want to keep an eye on me. That's why you haven't slept yet."

"Josh, I'm worried. All of us are. We didn't..."

"I'm not going to. Every time I think I'm helping the problem, I only make it worse. Like you said, I have to be strong. At least for Monty." Grabbing his hand, I pulled it to my chest. "I'm not going anywhere. I am not going to leave you, I promise."

He looked at our hands on my chest and then up into my eyes and smiled.

"C'mon," I said, pulling him down to lie on my lap, "get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

He allowed me to direct his head to my leg for him to use as a pillow, before closing his eyes and relaxing. I ran my fingers through his golden curls. Within minutes, I could hear the deep, rhythmic sound of his breathing, knowing he had fallen asleep. I looked over at Lance as he stirred. I think he was looking for Justin's shoulder, which I pulled away from him. Once he couldn't find it, he just laid his head back against the wall and it fell to his right, facing me. I smiled, just happy that he and Justin cared enough about me to stay by my side. I knew Chris and Joey cared, but Justin, Lance and I have always been the closest out of the five of us.

I pulled Lance's coat off me and draped it across Justin and laid my head back against the wall and shut my eyes. Within minutes, I, too, had fallen fast asleep.

I heard a voice, which I didn't recognize call my name. I was still halfway between sleep and awake when I heard it again. This time the voice was attached to an arm that was trying to shake me awake.

I opened my eyes and blinked until they came into focus and I saw Marie standing there.

"Hey," I said, in a groggy, morning voice.

"How ya holding up?" she asked, concerned.

"I've been better," I said, lifting Justin's head off my lap and carefully placing it on the seat.

I reached over and gave her a hug. "How'd you get here?"

"I drove. Lance called me with the news and as soon as I hung up, I threw some clothes in a bag and got in the car. I drove all night."

"What time is it?"

Looking at her watch, she said, "6:30"

"Have you talked to the doctors yet?"

"Yeah. They said that he is stable. His neck is not broken and something about a back injury."

"Nothing else?" I asked.

"No."

"Good. At least he's stable."

Looking at me in a serious manner, she asked what happened. I told her about Monty's premonition and told her that I had a premonition or dream or something of that nature and how the accident happened.

"You saw him hit the windshield before he actually did?"

"Yeah. That's what woke me, I think."

"Wow, you two must really be soul mates. I didn't know that anyone else had premonitions."

"Well then, I guess you could say this is my second one," I explained.

"Second? What was the first about?"

"How about I buy you a cup of coffee and I'll tell you about it."

"Great," she said yawning, "I could use one."

I put my hand on her back and we both went exploring to find the cafeteria.

While we were there, I asked about Lance and Mike. She told me that they were coming up tomorrow. Lance had to call his professors and let them know that he wasn't going to be able to be at class for a couple of weeks and Mike had to put in a leave of absence.

"They should be arriving tomorrow about noon."

"I'll make sure the car will pick them up. Listen, we have a suite at the Ritz that you three can use while you're here."

"What about you guys?"

"Well, I'm staying here for a while and I'm pretty sure that Justin and Lance will be staying with me. That leaves three of the five rooms unused."

"Well, I know I'm staying here, but Lance and Mike might just take you up on that offer."

"If you ever need to use it to freshen up or for sleep, you are more than welcome to."

Reaching over to grab my hand, she gave me a gentle squeeze. "Thanks, Josh."

As she was finishing, I saw Justin come in the cafeteria with a look of panic.

"Oh, God," I said standing.

"What?" Marie asked, seeing the panic on my face.

Justin spotted us and ran to me.

"What's wrong Justin? Is it Monty?"

"No," he said in a yelled whisper. "The four of us have been looking around this place for the last twenty minutes. Do you know how scared I was when I woke up and you weren't there?"

"I'm sorry, Justin," I said hugging him. "Marie woke me up and she and I came here for some coffee. I didn't want to wake you cause you were already exhausted."

"Next time, wake me, Josh. You scared the shit out of me."

"Justin!!" I glared. "This is Monty's mom, Marie."

Turning to face here, he blushed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to curse."

"It's ok. I know what you mean."

"Marie, this is Justin. He's in the band with me."

"Pleased to meet you, Justin," she said, extending her hand.

"You, too," he said, shaking it.

After I calmed Justin down, the three of us started walking back to the waiting room. Halfway down the hall, the other three stood with very angry looks, so Justin headed on up to let them know what happened. When Marie and I arrived, they seemed to calm a little.

"Marie, this is the rest of the band. Joey, Chris and Lance. This is Monty's mother."

They all shook hands and when Lance and Marie connected, Marie suddenly became dizzy.

"Are you alright?" Justin said, steadying her.

"Yeah, I think so. I guess I'm a little more tired than I thought."

"Well, there's a bed on the bus in the parking lot, if you want to use it," Lance offered.

"That might not be a bad idea," she agreed. "Just don't let me sleep too long. Maybe just a couple of hours."

"I'll wake you if any more news comes in," I told her.

"Thanks," she said, following Justin to the bus.

"Anything new," Chris asked, concerned.

"No. Not yet. If there is, they haven't told us yet," I explained.

"I'll go and check," Joey offered, and then walked over to the nurses' station. The three of us went back to our seats and just sat in silence. When Joey returned, he confirmed the fact that nothing had changed and we just sat. When Justin came in, he asked where Marie lived.

"In Savannah. Why?" I asked.

"She drove all the way from Savannah. No wonder she's dizzy. She's got to be exhausted."

"We just need to let here sleep a little. She'll be ok," I said.

"Well, guys, I'm kinda hungry," Chris announced.

"Surprise, surprise," Joey teased.

"Shut up, fat boy," Chris teased back.

"Hey," Joey yelled.

"Keep it down guys. After all this is a hospital," Lance lectured.

"Well, let's go to the cafeteria and get some breakfast," Joey said.

"Sounds good to me," Chris agreed.

"Me too," Justin chimed in.

"I think I'll stay here," I said.

"Why? You've got to be hungry, JC. You haven't eaten anything since, what, yesterday morning?" Lance asked.

"I think it was yesterday. Look, right now, I'm not hungry. I'll probably get something in a few hours."

"Well, I'll stay with Josh," Justin said.

"No, Justin. You go with them."

"But Josh..." he tried to protest.

"What did I tell you last night? Look guys, I'm not going to slip into some stupid mode. I'm going to be fine. Just don't crowd me, OK?"

"You sure?" Lance asked.

"Yeah. Positive. Ya'll just go and get some food. I'll be here when you get back."

"OK. We'll see you in a bit," Justin said as they walked away. I just leaned my head back and watched the doctors and nurses in the room that we were sharing.

The following day, Monty was given his own room, but he was still in his coma. The doctors predicted that he would be for a while and for us not to give up any hope. We just continued to pray that he would come out of it ok.

For the next three weeks, his condition hadn't changed. And I decided that I would keep a journal and a record of his progress, or lack there of, with the camera that I bought him last Christmas.

On occasion I would turn the camera on and talk to let Monty know how strong I was for him. I thought it would be something he could look back on so that there would be proof of how I wasn't going to let this affect me in a negative way. I knew I had to be strong, for Monty at least. Also, when there was no one in the room with us, I would sing to him. I would always hope that he would hear my voice. I would hope that he would hold on to it and come back to us. At least this gave me hope.

'Maybe he can hear me,' I would think. I don't know if I did it for him or for me. But I knew I had to do it. During our time at the hospital, the guys got me out once in a while just to be away. I knew I couldn't stay with him until he woke up, but I wanted to always be close. Most times, I would either go for a walk outside or back and forth between the hotel. I just wanted to be near.

"Christmas is only a week away," I said to Monty. "I didn't picture us spending it here, with you like this. It was supposed to be our first Christmas together. No family, just us."

I pulled up a chair and took my seat and gently held his hand in mine.

"Monty, the only thing I want for Christmas, is for you to wake up. We all miss you. Your mom, brother and Mike are here waiting for you to come around. All the guys are here. They wouldn't take no for an answer when I told them that they didn't have to stay. They refused to leave you." I felt the tears arrival and I quickly pulled them back. "Monty, I need you. You can't leave me alone. If I can't have you with me, I don't want anyone else. Just please.....come back to us. Come back to me. Please wake up."

I put my head down to his hand and softly cried. I wanted to be strong, but my emotions got the best of me and I couldn't hold my composure any longer. A few minutes later, I felt a hand on my back and I did my best to hide my tears.

"Josh, you ok?" It was Joey.

"Yeah," I sniffled. "I'm fine. Just giving him my daily talk," I said looking at Monty's face.

"JC, you've been through a lot this past year. We all know that, but you have to remember, like Justin said, Monty's not leaving you without a fight."

"I know, Joe. It's just that I miss him. I can't sleep at night. I want to reach out and hold him, but I know I can't. When he does wake up, I still won't be able to for a while. I....."

My words trailed off and I started to cry softly again. Joey pulled me up and cradled me in his arms, whispering to me, "I know, Josh. I know."

He just held me close. I've always depended on the guys when I was feeling down, but I realized for the past year, I hadn't needed them as much and I missed that. It was comforting knowing Joey still knew how to calm me. He really is a gentle giant.

After a few minutes, Joey suggested that we go back to the hotel and get a shower.

"You really do smell, JC," he giggled.

"I do not," I said in a playful yell, pulling back from him and wiping my face.

Laughing, he said, "Yes you do. We need to scrape those arm pits or something."

I just laughed at him. He always knew how to get me back on my feet again.

"Fine," I said in mock anger. "Just remember, you don't smell like roses either."

Joey immediately stopped laughing and said, "Hey!!!!" as I walked out the door.

"I do, too," he protested, following me.

He caught up to me and we headed for the bus.

"Where are the others?" I asked.

"Chris is on the bus, and I have no idea about Justin or Lance. They're probably getting some air or something.

"Well, JC's at the hotel with Chris and Joey. I haven't really been able to spend much time with you alone. Your mom, step dad or your brother is always checking in on you. They really do care about you, Monty. Tony, Pat, Mitchell and Steve are here for you too. We all are."

Pausing to sit next to the bed, I took a deep breath and stared at him. His features were almost carved in stone. Ever since he was admitted, he hadn't moved or responded to anything. His coma was still controlling his life. It was really hurting JC, but he was doing his best to not let it show.

"You'd be so proud of Josh. He's staying strong because of you. He loves you that much, Monty. We all do. We want you to see that JC's been here by your side waiting." Looking down at the floor, I continued. "Monty, you've touched us all with your kindness and love. Especially Josh. But I feel as if you've done something to me. I don't just care for you as one of the guys; but as something more. It's almost as if you're meant to be in my live. Our lives. I don't know why. Maybe it's the way I see how happy you make Josh. Maybe, it's the way you comforted me when I was feeling down. The way you listen."

I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I didn't know why I was crying. I guess if we lost Monty, it would be like loosing my own brother.

"I really don't know how JC's doing it. If I were in his position, I would've probably lost it by now. I can't see loving someone that much and being able to see them like this everyday...I just don't know how he doing it. Maybe I never will." Changing the subject for a moment to try and subdue my tears, I added, "Brittany's coming tomorrow. Maybe she can help get out minds off of the negative for a while and have us focus on the positive. I wish you could meet her. She really knows how to listen. And boy can she talk." I gave a small smile, wishing he would smile with me.

Sniffling, I wiped my face and stood up. I grabbed Monty's hand and gave it a gently squeeze. "Come back to us soon, Monty. We all miss you."

I stood there for a minute longer, listening to the machines that were helping him live, and then I turned and walked out the door.

A week passed like a day. This wasn't the best way to spend Christmas, but the guys help brighten the days. Lance, Joey, Chris and Justin went out and bought some decorations and a small tree and got everyone a little gift. Marie and Mike were both moved by their little acts of kindness. Tony, Pat, Mitchell and Steve went to get some refreshments for us to have for the morning. Connie even came up and stayed for a couple days so she and Lance could spend some time over the holiday together. For Christmas day, we had fourteen people, including Monty, cramped in his room.

We had been enjoying the morning, hoping we could bring a little cheer to his spirit. His condition still hadn't changed, but we were just hoping that us being there would let him know that we were still thinking and praying for him. I got out the camera and decided to record the day so Monty would know that we were there with him on Christmas.

"JC, can I have the camera?" Marie asked.

"Sure," he said, handing it over to her.

"Now, would you guys sing some carols for us. I'm sure Monty would ask the same of you if he could. But, I'm sure he'll be listening."

"We'd be happy to," Justin said.

We moved over to the wall next to the door and stood there so Marie could fit us all in the screen.

"What's his favorite carol?" Chris asked.

"O Holy Night," Pat answered.

I just smiled, knowing that. It was my favorite also. Justin called the count and we started to sing. We didn't sing to loud, just enough for the room and a few people in the hall to hear us. By the time we were done, there were about five heads looking in the room and about twenty more looming outside the door.

"I guess we need to be even quieter next time," Lance said, smiling.

We all just smiled at the people and went on to sing songs that were just thrown out there by the listeners, being careful not to get too loud.

Later on in the evening, everyone went to do their own thing for a while. Marie, Lance and Mike went to the hotel so they could freshen up and have some dinner, then Marie would return later on. Pat, Tony, Mitchell and Steve also went out to dinner. The other four were out and about calling their families and wishing them a Merry Christmas. I had called mom and dad earlier in the day and we talked. They asked about Monty's condition and I told them it hadn't changed. They said they would continue to pray for him and that we would have to get the two families together after he recovered. I smiled, knowing that mom and dad had accepted Monty in the family, completely.

"Well, it's Christmas night. Everyone had to leave for a while, but they'll be back. They all still care for you, don't worry. They may not be around a lot, but it really is hard seeing you like this for the past month and a half." I reached down and gently put my hand in Monty's.

"I had planned on telling you something tonight. I've thought about this for a long time, but now I wonder if I do, will you even hear me. We've only known each other for a little over a year now, but we know that we were destined to be with each other. Since three centuries together, our souls have been wondering this earth aimlessly searching for the other, but when they finally connect, they are suddenly ripped apart again. I've been thinking about why that was. Why did God let us find each other then want to take us away? Is he testing our strength? Faith? What?"

Reaching in my jacket pocket, I pulled out a small box. "Tonight, I was hoping to make you the happiest person in the world. Now, I feel as if I'm the saddest. Tonight, I was going to ask you to marry me. I had everything all planned out. We were going to go to my apartment and have a nice dinner then I was going to take you far away from the city so we could look up at the stars and I was going to ask you."

Looking down at the box, I opened it and removed its contents. "I imagined that you would've looked at me and just smiled. Not knowing what to say, until I called your name." Smiling myself for remembering, I continued, "Then you would grab me and hug me repeating the word yes over and over while I picked you up and spun us around." Looking back down at Monty's face, I realized that it wouldn't happen for a while. My smile quickly disappeared and my eyes started to glaze over.

I looked at the contents in my hand and connected the three rings together. Each ring had a figure on it with a word inside of it and a small diamond at the center point that when connected showed a heart and spelled the phrase 'Soul Mates 3' with the diamonds making a triangle showing unity.

"I was gonna give you the word 'Soul' and I was going to have 'Mates' and when the third person completed our circle, I...we were going to give him the '3'. I wanted to give you something that we all could share and it meant something to only us. No one else would know until the rings were connected."

I placed the rings back in the box and listened to the noises that the machines were making. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a little movement. I looked over and saw Marie standing there.

"I didn't mean to disturb you, Josh," she said, sincerely.

"You didn't. I was through. It's just that I like to spend a little time alone with him. Hoping he can hear me or at least know I'm still here for him."

Walking in the room, she said, "I'm sure he knows." Pausing, she took a breath and grabbed his hand. "Ya know, he told me what happened the last time."

My facial expression turned scared at the mention of her knowing.

"It was really hard on Monty to loose his father that way. Especially since he saw everything." She turned back to look at me. "I couldn't imagine what he would've done if you had succeeded. He finally found the love of his life. He was really hurt knowing you even thought of doing it yourself."

"I know," I said, trying to fight the tears.

"I'm just glad that his premonition saved you, otherwise, he would've probably withdrawn from the world completely. Possibly died of a broken heart."

Hearing her last sentence, I couldn't fight the tears anymore. Twin tears raced their way down my cheek and Marie put her hand up to wipe them away.

"I regret even thinking that was my only way out. I didn't know what else to do," I said sobbing. Marie put her arms around me and pulled me into a motherly hug. I allowed myself to be weak for the second time since the accident. I needed to get my fears out every now and then otherwise; I would be no good when Monty came around.

"It's ok, Josh. Things will be fine. You just got to believe that they will be. He'll come back to us soon, Josh. I know he will."

Her words were soothing. She moved a hand up to cradle the back of my head.

I just closed my eyes and two more tears escaped and found the trails left by the previous ones.

Pulling back, she looked in my eyes and asked if I was going to be ok. I nodded and said that I would.

"Good. Now tell me about this third person that completes the circle thing," she said with a warm smile.

I started telling her about our trip to Jamaica and about the old woman. I explained how she told us of our past lives and how in this life, there would be a third soul to make our bond stronger.

As she was asking me something, I started to remember the end of our meeting with her. As we were leaving she handed me something. A doll. My eyes got wide and Marie stopped in mid question.

"What is it, Josh?"

"I just remembered something. Would you excuse me for a minute?" I asked as I started toward the door.

Before she could answer I was already halfway to the elevator. When the doors opened, Lance was they're looking at me.

"Hey, JC," she said stepping out.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him back in. "C'mon, I need your help with something."

"Ok," he said, finding his previous position on the elevator.

The doors closed and we were headed down, to the bus. When the doors reopened, I bolted out and started running as fast as I could to the bus. I heard Lance yell to me and ask what was wrong, but I ignored him and kept running. I arrived about five seconds before he did and when he did show up, he was out of breath.

"What's wrong, Josh?" he asked, breathing deeply.

"I need to find something. I know it's on this bus somewhere," I said as if I had just been refreshed.

"What is it?" he asked, still huffin' and puffin'.

"A small doll. It's on a hook. Like an earring. I need to find it," I said as I started opening cabinet doors and moving the contents around.

"A doll? That's what I just ran at top speed for? A doll?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Why do you need a doll? You have hundreds of dolls on the back of the bus that our fans gave you."

"Back of the bus. Good idea," I said, running to the back.

When I arrived, I started throwing every bear and doll I could get my hands on to get them out of my way. During the midst of my throwing, I hit Lance in the face with one and his voice rose.

"What the hell do you need a doll for?" he yelled.

Shocked by his loud, deep voice, I stopped for a minute and explained the significance. He still looked confused, but asked what it looked like so he could help. I told him and he went back to the front and started looking through things.

After a few minutes of searching frantically, Lance asked, "Is this it," holding up a small voodoo doll with an earring hook.

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Were was it?" I asked, taking it from him.

"Andre must have found it. It was hanging from the mirror."

"Great!" I said, hopping off the bus and running back to the hospital.

"Josh!!!! WAIT UP!!!!" I heard Lance yell. I just smiled, knowing he would catch me eventually.

When we were finally back in the room, I just looked at Monty. The old lady told me to keep it close to my heart and feed him my strength.

'How do I do that?' I thought. 'How do I feed him my strength? I've already done everything I can think of.'

I raised the doll up to my chest and covered it with both hands. When I looked up at the monitor, I saw his blood pressure rise two points. I instantly smiled at myself and kept holding the doll close.

Over the next nine days, I never left Monty's side. I kept the doll in my hands and his condition seemed to improve, dramatically. His blood pressure was back to normal. His heartbeat was also normal, and the doctors even detected more brain waves than a week ago. After a week, the doctors decided to try taking him off the ventilator. Marie was skeptical, but finally agreed.

After the ventilator was removed, Monty started breathing on his own and his heartbeat got stronger. We all breathed a big sigh of relief. Especially Marie. I smiled at myself, knowing Monty would be ok. As long as I kept the doll close and I truly believed, Monty would be fine. Any day, now and he would be back with us.

"Josh? Wake up, Josh."

I opened my eyes and saw Justin staring down at me.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"It's 9:30 in the morning."

I had fallen asleep in the chair at Monty's bedside. I had draped my legs over one arm and used the other to support me and I laid my head on my arm on the back of the chair. I rubbed my eyes and noticed I didn't have the doll. I looked in my lap and it wasn't there either.

"Where's the doll?" I asked, frantically looking for it.

"It's right here," Justin said, picking it up off the floor.

As he was handing it to me, he asked why I had it. I explained the significance to him and he had his own questions.

"Look, Justin. I don't know. All I know is I did what the old lady told me to and I saw his blood pressure rise two points as I was holding it. How do you explain his sudden improvement? I really think it has something to do with this thing."

"Well, I think she was just pulling your chain."

"I don't care what she was pulling as long as it worked." After I thought about what I just said, I corrected my last sentence. "I mean, I don't care if she was pulling my chain, it seems to be working."

Justin caught my mistake and started laughing at me. I'm just glad that I caught myself, otherwise, Justin would've never let me live that remark down. Seeing him laughing, I couldn't help but to start myself. He either thought something else was funny or he just couldn't stop. He ended up falling on the floor holding his stomach and had tears falling out of the corner of his eyes.

"What is so funny?" I asked through my own laughter.

He just looked at me and pointed, not being able to talk because he couldn't breath.

"Me?" I asked.

He nodded his head, still not being able to talk.

"What did I do?" I asked, started to regain my control.

After a few minutes, Justin calmed down enough for him to breath. He stood up and wiped his eyes and started to explain.

"You should've seen..." he started a small laugh, but quickly held it back. "Your face when you realized what you said." He started again, but before it got out of hand, I asked him to tell me how I looked.

"You looked as if someone just asked you what two plus two was and you had to think of the answer. The look you gave when you were thinking was priceless."

As he finished his explanation, he grabbed his stomach and started laughing again. I just looked at him like he was stupid.

A minute later, a nurse walked in and Justin did his best to calm down, but you could still hear him giggle.

"What's today?" I asked, looking at Justin.

"Thursday," he answered.

"What date?"

"January third. Why?"

"It was exactly one year ago today that the old lady gave me this doll. She also told us that we were soul mates and of the third person."

The nurse finished what she was doing and left the room telling us to keep it down a little.

"I still don't understand that third person thing. It seems kinda weird to me."

"Well, it doesn't to me. I even have something for the three of us when we finally find out who he is."

"Like what?" he asked.

"A little something. That's all."

"Ok. Listen, you wanna go and get some breakfast?" Justin asked.

"Sure. I'm about to starve."

"To tell you the truth, you stink, too."

"Do not!!!" I protested. I raised my arm and smelled my pits. "Oh, God. I do stink. I need a shower."

"Yes you do," Justin agreed.

"Hey, you don't have to be that enthusiastic about it."

"I'm sorry. It's just the thought of the smell of a clean Josh sounds like a great idea."

"Fine, Justin. You don't have to rub it in," I said in a playful manner. "C'mon, lets go to the hotel and then to breakfast."

"Sounds great."

I walked closer to him and lifted my arm to put across his shoulder, but he quickly back away.

"What's wrong, Justin."

"I already told you. You stink," he said laughing.

"That does it," I said before I started towards him. He took off running as fast as possible to the stairwell and I followed.

After our breakfast, we came back to the hospital to find nothing had changed. Tony and Pat were in the room talking and so I joined the conversation. We didn't talk about anything in particular, just chatted the afternoon away. Justin went for a walk and ended up coming back about an hour or two later. Monty had many of the same visitors. No one new since Connie came up for Christmas. Marie, Lance, Mike, Joey, Steve and Mitchell all came to the room at the same time this afternoon with many conversations going on at once. I got up and gave my seat to Marie, who gladly accepted it. She, Mike and Lance had been out shopping and doing some sight seeing, so she was a little tired.

After we all got resettled, the conversations continued and before we knew it, it was 6:30.

"Josh, why don't you and the boys go and get yourself something to eat. We'll be here when you guys get back," Marie suggested.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Joey agreed.

"Eating always sounds like a good idea to you," Chris teased.

The room giggled a little, but when Joey went to look at us, we would put on our best 'straight' face and shrug with sympathy.

"Why is it that I'm the only one who gets picked on?" Joey asked in a playful pout.

"Because you're Italian. Everyone knows that Italian's love to eat," Lance said.

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that," Joey smiled. Everyone gave a little giggle again and Chris just rolled his eyes at Joey.

"That does sound good. I'm a little hungry, anyway," I said.

"Tony, you and the guys coming?" Justin asked, pointing to Mitchell, Pat and Steve.

"Nah. We snuck out about an hour ago and got something."

"So that's where you four went to. How about you, Lance," Justin said to Monty's brother.

"No thank you. I kinda snuck out with them," he said smiling.

"Well, then boys, it just looks as if it's just us five," Justin said, directing his attention back at us.

"That's fine. What do ya'll want?" Lance asked.

Joey lifted his hand and extended his finger, but Chris cut him off by saying, "Besides Italian."

Joey let his arm fall to his side and lowered his head. He poked out his lips and started pouting, playfully, again.

"How about Hard Rock?" Justin asked.

"Not today, Just," I said. Everyone in the room, including Marie and Mike, looked at me with surprise.

"What?" I asked.

"You feeling ok, Josh?" Justin asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You just turned down Hard Rock. Everyone knows how much you love that place."

"I know. I'm just not in the mood today. I want to stay somewhere close."

"Well, there's a little restaurant about four blocks up the street called McGinty's. It's sort of a sports bar, but the food is probably the best we've had since we've been here," Mike suggested.

"Sounds great. How do you get there," I asked.

Marie started telling us the directions, but got lost. Mike took over and completely rerouted what Marie said. We just laughed at Marie's frustration, but she laughed because she hit Mike afterwards and he took a couple of steps back from her.

"We'll see you soon. Call my cell if you need us."

"Will do, Josh," Marie called. We headed for the elevator and started our journey to dinner.

As we were walking, the guys were talking and laughing and I was listening to them have their fun. I had a big smile on my face hearing their jokes. I unintentionally fell behind the group and watched the people as we passed them. I looked over to a bar that was coming up and noticed two men walk out together. I just thought they were friends on a bar hopping mission, until I saw them grab the other's hand. I looked at them and longed to be able to do that with Monty again.

My eyes were listening to my heart instead of my head, because a small tear escaped and fell down my cheek.

"Are you ok, Josh?"

I looked over to my left and saw Lance looking at me with concern.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked with a sniffle.

"When I went to ask you a question, I looked and found you behind us. Then when I came closer, I saw you crying."

"Oh," I said, pulling my hand up to wipe the tear away. "I was just thinking about me and Monty."

"JC, he's gonna be fine."

"I know," I said then paused. "See those two guys over there? One's in a blue shirt and the other has a red one."

"Yeah. What about them?" he asked, looking.

"Look at their hands."

"Oh. I see. But why were you crying because of that?" he asked, confused.

"I wish Monty and I could do that. It would just be nice to walk down the street and hold his hand without a care in the world."

"Why can't you? I mean, the whole world knows by now."

"Not the whole world," I said, smiling.

"JC. Since we did the Oprah show, we've gotten what, about half a million letters. Most of them were for you. Showing their support and strength for you. The fans don't care. They love you and the rest of us."

"Except for those really 'straight' guys who think that all boy bands are made up of gay guys," I said, letting him know the entire world was not on our side.

"And what is it that Monty would call them? 'Back woods country bumpkins who wouldn't know the difference between good music and a banjo.'"

I just smiled; remembering the first time Monty said that to me. I almost busted out laughing, as I did before, but just gave a big smile instead.

"Josh. Nothing is stopping you from doing that. Look and Anne and Ellen. Look what they accomplished a couple years ago. They were each other's dates to the award shows. They held each other's hands in public. They even kissed. They didn't care. They were in love. Nothing else bothered them."

"Yeah, but they were women. Didn't you hear the news flash?" I asked him. Giving my best broadcaster's voice, I said, "This just in. It's cool to be gay in America...if you're a woman."

"Josh, will you ever see the positive side to anything?" Lance asked.

"Maybe one day," I answered.

"Well, today is that one day."

Lance reached over and grabbed my hand and squeezed so that I couldn't yank it back. I just smiled and walked hand in hand with the first person I fell in love with.

"Thank you," I said smiling at him.

"For what?" he asked.

"Just for being you," I said, gently squeezing his hand.

"Hey, anytime you need Lancy-poo, I'll be right here waiting for you," he said smiling.

"That truly was awful," I said, laughing.

"Well, that's me," he answered, laughing along with me.

"True," I agreed.

"Hey!!" he said in playful anger.

"Will you two lovebirds c'mon. We're about to starve," Joey said, noticing that Lance and I were holding hands.

"Hey, my love bird isn't able to be here now. So save the bad jokes until he can criticize you himself."

"Oh, shut up Josh and get in there," Joey said, holding the door for us to enter.

When we walked in, the atmosphere was a pleasant, relaxing one. There were four TV's on. Each had a different sporting event, so Lance and Chris chose somewhere close to the baseball game. The host found us a table and sat the five of us.

After about five minutes, the waitress came over and took our orders and brought us some water. I ordered a beer and the other four just looked at me with surprise.

"What?" I asked, equally confused.

"You just ordered a beer," Justin said.

"Yeah. So?" I asked.

"You never drink beer," he added.

"Well, I just want a change. I wanted something different. And besides..."

"It must be Monty's favorite," Chris suggested.

"Exactly," I said, smiling.

We all went back to our conversation and a minute later, the drinks arrived and they all watched me as I took a gulp. After I showed no expression, they all went back to their own conversations. As soon as their heads were turned away, I gave an expression of tasting the worst taste in the world.

"I knew it. I knew you couldn't drink it," Chris noticed, laughing at me.

The other's caught the tail end of my expression and started laughing with him.

"Well, you got to give me credit. At least I'm trying." After I said that, Chris imitated my expression and he got me laughing. The other's just started laughing harder.

As we were laughing, my cell began ringing. Without looking at the display, I answered the phone laughing the word 'hello'

"Josh. It's me, Lance."

"Hey, Lance. You still hungry? Wanna join us?"

"No. You guys need to come on back," he said calmly.

My face dropped my happy expression and was overtaken with fear. My voice shaking, I asked, "Why? What's happened?"

The table fell silent waiting to find out what he said.

"Something's happened and it doesn't look good. Please, Josh, just come back quick."

"We're on our way," I said, hanging up the phone and standing.

"What's wrong, Josh?" Justin asked.

"Lance said it doesn't look good. We need to go," I said getting tears in my eyes.

Before I waited for their answer, I turned and ran for the door. I didn't look back. I had to get to Monty. He had to know I was there for him. I heard the guys screaming for me to slow down, but my feet didn't listen. They were controlled by my heart telling them to run as fast as possible.

What was a ten-minute walk, ended up being a three-minute run back to the hospital. I ran into many people and ran out in front of cars. I almost got run over, but I didn't care. I needed to get to Monty.

When I finally got to the hospital, I went for the elevator, but the lights weren't moving. They were going too slow. I looked for the closest stair well and ran up four flights. When I swung the door opened, I saw Lance down the hall. I ran to him as quick as my tired legs would let me. When I got closer, I saw that he was crying.

"No, God, please not yet. Please!!" I said to myself, as I got closer to Lance. "Lance?" I asked.

He looked over to me and came to hug me. Once in my arms, he started crying.

"Is...he........gone?" I asked, trembling.

"Not yet," he said, taking a breath. "But soon...." He pulled himself out of my arms and went to sit down.

"He's still alive?"

Lance just shook his head.

"Is he back on the ventilator machine?"

"No," he said quietly, wiping his face.

"Why not?" I asked a little too loud.

"Josh. Calm down," Justin said trying to sooth me.

"Because...mom and I didn't want to put him back on it."

My tears started streaming down my face. I was angry that they said no. They were going to allow him to die.

"But why, Lance?"

"Because, when daddy died, we had control over his life. We had to tell them to turn the machine off." After a long pause, he finished. "We can't do that again. Monty always said that if it was his time to go, than that's that. No regrets."

"He never said that to me," I said in anger at Lance.

He started crying harder and I stormed to Monty's room. When I arrived, Marie and Mike were standing next to Monty. Pat and Tony were standing on the other side of the bed and Mitchell and Steve were standing at the foot.

As I entered the room, I could hear the rhythmic beeps of the heart machine.

Marie looked up and saw me. She saw my anger through my tears.

"Josh," she said, walking up to me. The other's turned their heads and looked at me. Each had tears in their eyes. She grabbed my hands in hers and told me it was for the best.

"How can letting him die be for the best?" I asked with anger in my voice.

"Josh, I can't be responsible for letting him go. I have to know that it wasn't me who made the decision to let him die. I can't do that again," she said, tears flowing down her chin. Her voice became deeper as she talked and she sniffled before she continued. I just looked away. I couldn't look in her eyes. I couldn't stand to see the pain that this decision brought to her.

"I had to tell the doctor's to turn the machines off with his father. I don't want to have to make that decision again. I can't, Josh."

She gave my hands a squeeze and walked back over to his bed. She bent down to kiss him on his forehead. As she came back up, she grabbed his hand, and whispered, "Bye, baby. I love you." I saw her give his hand a gentle squeeze and she turned to walk to the door.

When she got to me, she said, "I'm sorry, Josh. I can't stay. I don't want to see him die. I have to be able to remember him..." her words trailed off and she lifted a hand to cover her mouth.

I shook my head in acknowledgement and Mike put his arm around her and led her to where her other son was waiting.

Tony walked to where Marie was standing and bent down and kissed his cheek.

"Keep an ear open for me. I'll be calling on you to listen as always." He stood up and sniffled then said, "I love you, Montgomery."

As he turned to leave, Mitchell followed and soon disappeared out the door.

"We've been through a lot, together," Pat said to Monty. "I'm gonna miss you. You better come back and haunt me," he whispered then gave a small laugh. "I love you, Monty. Remember that I always have. Please don't forget that." Pat leaned down and kissed his other cheek then turned and walked out.

I turned around and saw Justin, Joey, Chris and Lance standing behind me. Each of them were crying and comforting each other. They just looked at me with sorrow in their eyes. I couldn't hold back any longer. I walked up to Monty and grabbed his hand.

"You weren't supposed to leave me like this," I said, crying. "We were supposed to live a long life together."

I heard the beeps of the monitor getting farther apart. I knew he wouldn't be here much longer.

"I love you, Montgomery Andrew Blake," I said through my tears and I bent down and placed my lips gently against his. I didn't want to come back up. I just wanted to kiss him forever.

Reluctantly, I pulled my lips away from his soft skin and saw two tears had fallen. One landed on his cheek and the other on his eyelid. I just stood there listening to the monitor and watching his sweet face. Finally, the monitor fell silent. I stood there for what seemed like eternity waiting for a next beep. But it never came.

I looked up at the monitor and saw a zero next to the small heart. Monty had just died. I fell to my knees and I felt someone pull me to my feet and sit me in a chair. I heard Justin call my name, but I didn't answer. I just cried while I held Monty's hand in my own.

"I love you, Monty. I've always loved you," I said, placing his hand by his side. I buried my face in my hands, crying, as the guys did their best to comfort me.

To Be Continued . . . .