Hi guys,
This is only my second time writing anything for someone else to read so I'd really like to hear any feedback that you have. You can email me at niftymatty@hotmail.com. Apologies for any errors.
This story will be more romantic in nature and focus on a developing relationship between two teenagers. There will eventually be sex but you will have to wait for it. If you are looking for something more sexual, try my other story or my tumblr: www.niftymatty.tumblr.com
Whilst some of the writing is based on my own experience growing up, parts of it are entirely imagined and anything with any similarity to events in your own lives is coincidental. All copyrights are mine. If you aren't of legal age then it's your decision to continue reading and take the consequences.
------------------- Previously:
In our last chapter, Finn has come around to Patrick's house on the basis that he wanted to help Paddy set up his laptop. While that part of the visit went as planned, something quite unexpected happened too: Finn and Patrick ended up having a conversation about his adoption and it ended with their faces just millimetres apart. Could a kiss be on the cards for our ginger cutie?
------------------- On the Stage - Chapter Eight
"Patrick!" a loud and echoing call came from downstairs - Susan was home.
We both froze. That booming sound had pulled us both back to reality and I saw a flicker of fear pass over Finn's eyes. Before I even had time to react, he had pulled away and was already gathering up his things. His lips were moving but I couldn't make out anything that he was saying - I'm not sure whether he was muttering to himself or whether I was just so frozen in shock that I couldn't actually focus on what it was that he was trying to communicate with me. I didn't actually hear anything at all until he was at my bedroom door with his school back. It creaked loudly as he opened it and he was about to step through when he hesitated. Turning to look at me with those beautiful eyes, which were now clouded with a range of emotions that I couldn't even recognise, he softly said: "I'm... I'm... I'll see you at school." And, with that, he disappeared.
I heard him rush down the stairs and straight out of the outside door. Susan called after him, first confusing him with me but then quickly realising that it wasn't. I think she must have thought he had broken in and was trying to steal something because, the next time she called my name, there was a definite panic in her voice. I still didn't respond to her. It was like everything that was happening was a film and I was just watching it. I didn't feel real and I couldn't participate in it because I wasn't really a part of it.
Whilst my body was still, my mind was whirling and trying to make sense of everything that had just happened. Had Finn been about to kiss me? Had I misread that and ended up leaning in when he actually wasn't expecting it? Why did he run out of the door and what was with that look in his eyes? I was lost in a sea of questions and I could feel the storm moving in around me.
My heart began to pound in my chest - beating loud and fast like a war drum on the eve of a huge battle. As a response, my body began to shake. It started in my hands and then spread like wildfire over my entire body; an uncontrollable tremor running through every fibre of me. I couldn't stop it - I couldn't even speak.
I remained exactly like that until Susan, looking the most panicked that I'd ever seen anyone, burst into my room brandishing a cricket bat as if she was expected some kind of attack. When she saw me, she dropped the bat and hesitantly approached. "Patrick?" she spoke softly, trying to invite a response from the statue that I'd become. "Patrick, what's wrong?" the fear evident with the slight shake in her voice.
Still, I didn't respond. It wasn't that I didn't want to or was trying to be ignorant - that's not really in my nature - but I just... couldn't. It wasn't until her small hand reached out and touched me that the spell was finally broken and I just collapsed into her arms. She sank down to the floor with me and just held my shaking body as I began to cry.
I have no idea how long I cried for. I can tell you that I sobbed, well and truly sobbed, until there was nothing left in me to produce the tears. I also couldn't say what Susan said to me but I know, at some point, we ended up moving over the bed where I laid and cried while she hugged me - her warmth providing some small comfort.
If I'm being truthful, I couldn't even tell you why I was crying so much. I don't know if I was upset or angry or any other possible emotion. I guess I just felt... overwhelmed. I felt as if everything was too much and that, because of that, it couldn't possibly be real because I just couldn't deal with it. I know that probably doesn't make sense but that's the only way I think I can explain it.
Eventually, I must have fallen asleep - I'd exhausted myself so much that I couldn't stay awake. I wish I could tell you that my dreams offered some interesting insight into how I was feeling or a possible way to break out of it but I didn't experience a single dream whilst I lay there in my bed.
When I awoke, the room was pitch black and I was by myself once again. It took a few moments for me to come around fully but at least I didn't immediately start shaking again once I did. So, Finn and I had nearly kissed. If we hadn't been interrupted then I think we actually would have. The only question that still remained was how he reacted afterwards but I couldn't answer that by myself - I'd need to speak to him tomorrow to find out about that. No, it wasn't something that I'd planned to happen, not in the slightest, but it's happened now and I can't change that. There is no use pretending; we will need to deal with this moving forward. A little voice inside me perked out to say: "But what if he likes you too?" but I dismissed it pretty quickly. It wasn't because I just didn't believe there was a change Finn liked me; I just think it's better to wait when it comes to things like this. I don't like to get my hopes up. I've been through that enough with the care system and adoption process that I've learnt that having high hopes for something that isn't tangible just leads to disappointment in the majority of cases.
There are some exceptions of course: Susan and Dave are examples of that. They have been so lovely over the entire time. They've dealt with my differences and quirks, they've picked me back up when I've felt scared and inferior and, now, Susan has just held me while I dealt with the complete mind-fuck that comes from nearly kissing a boy that you've just realised you have significant feelings for. Every day, I'm realising more and more how lucky I have been to end up with them and just how horrible things were beforehand.
A knock on my door brought me back to the real world and away from my thoughts. "Come in," I said and both of my adoptive parents walked into my room. Susan had obviously filled her husband in on the events of earlier and they both wore slightly confused but slightly concerned looks on their faces. Dave was carrying a tray with a bowl, which from the steam rising from it was clearly full of something hot, and he set it down on the desk before joining Susan as she sat on the edge of my bed.
The silence hung heavily in the air and it was as if no-one wanted to be the first to break it even though we all knew that it had to be. As it continued, it became too much for me and I cracked under the pressure. "I'm sorry," I said, so quietly that if it hadn't been completely still in the room, you wouldn't have had a chance of hearing it. "No," Susan said as she moved towards me, placing her hand on my shoulder, "Don't be sorry about being upset, Patrick. It's ok to cry if that's how you felt." "I know but... you... you had to..." She interrupted me, "No. You're my son, Patrick." If I'd had the capacity to cry any more tears then I'm sure that would have set me off. As it was, I just smiled and lowered my head. I couldn't look at them; knowing that I was keeping everything from them and knowing that I'd have to lie about Finn when they asked. As if right on cue, it was that that came next. "So, who was that other boy?" Dave asked, confirming that Susan had told him everything she had witnessed when she had arrived home that afternoon, "Did he hurt you?" "No!" I blurted out, probably a little too loudly and too emphatically if I was going to pass off his involved as something normal. There were a few more moments of silence before I caved under the pressure again: "His name is Finn. He's a friend from school. He'd come around to help me sort out that laptop because I was worried that I might break it and he's good at all that sort of stuff."
There was an audible sigh of relief and, for a brief moment, I thought that that was going to be it; there would be no more questions and that would be the end of it all. How naive of me is that? The relief only remained for a moment before: "Why did he leave in such a hurry?" Crap, I'd have to think of something quickly but, quite frankly, I'd exhausted the entirety of my mental capabilities in the aftermath of that almost kiss. My mind was completely blank - not even the beginning of the idea - when it occurred to me. I'd give them the same response as I'd given Finn earlier! "I was just worried because I didn't know if it was ok for him to come here and that's why he rushed away." They both looked at me for a moment and then Susan asked: "Is that why you were so upset?"
They were buying it. I'd escaped having to confess the reality - all I had to do was agree with the idea that Susan had already floated out there. It should have been easy but, looking at their faces, I just couldn't do it. These people had been amazing towards me - a boy who, let's face it, they hadn't even known until recently. If I carried on down this road of lying to them and manipulating them, just because I could, what kind of person would that make me and what effect would it have on them when they eventually found out. No, this wasn't right.
"No," I said quietly, "And that's not why he left. That was a lie and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that but I was just so scared." "Scared of what?" Dave asked, his face looking puzzled. "Of how you'd react when you found out. You might hate me. You might not want me anymore." Despite me thinking that my eyes had completely dried up, my body somehow found tears enough that my eyes were starting to get wet again. Susan looked completely confused: "Patrick, nothing could make us think that! You're our son, it's as simple as that. Trust us to help you, please."
Her words hit home. She was right, of course, I should trust them. They've trusted me enough to give me a room in their house. Actually, no, not a room in their house - they've given me a home of my own. I have a family now; two people who care about... no... who love me. They love me enough to make me part of their world and help me carve out a world for myself. What on Earth have I been thinking? I needed to do this; needed to tell them. I could feel the words bubbling up inside my throat and just willing my mouth to open and them finally be spoken.
"I'm gay."
------------------- Thank you for reading the eighth chapter of this new series. I hope you liked it. Please send any feedback, comments or ideas to me at niftymatty@hotmail.com. If you are so inclined, please visit my tumblr: www.niftymatty.tumblr.com