One Night in December

One Night in December 4

_The following is fiction. Although some of the events depicted are based on actual happenings they are only incidental to the story and do not constitute a basis in reality.

The story is copyright, the reader may download a copy for his/her own use, but republishing or archiving on other websites or newsgroups without the author's permission is strictly prohibited. All rights are reserved.

The following story contains references to men having strong emotional and physical feelings for members of their own sex. You shouldn't read it if you're below the age of consent in your community or if said community doesn't allow you to access such material.

The author would like to thank Drew Hunt for his inspiration in the writing of this story. Without his love, friendship and editorial help the author would never have had the courage to even try to write a story such as this. Thanks go to Tim Mead as well. His editorial help and encouragement have been invaluable. T. O'Reilly 7/14/06.
_
terryo76@hotmail.com

**One Night In December

Year Four
**

"When does their flight get in?"

" Saturday at 12:06 P M," Andy responded to Brad's question.

Andy's father, Nelson Barnes and his partner, Norman, were coming in for Christmas. This would be their first holiday with us.

"Are we going to decorate before they get here," Andy asked?

"That's okay with me," I responded.

"Well," Andy went on, "maybe we should wait until they get here. That way they could enjoy decorating with us. On the other hand maybe it would be better to have it all done and they could just walk in and enjoy the ambiance. Whatdaya think?"

"Either way. What ever you'd like," I said.

"Okay," Andy went on without making a decision. "What about sleeping arrangements?"

I smiled to myself, "Remember we decided that they could use the downstairs bedroom because that would give them more privacy."

"Oh, yeah, right. Which sheets should we use? The flowered ones are so ...well gay for a better word."

"Aren't your dad and Mr. Perkins gay?" Interjected Brad.

I chuckled.

"Yeah, but... well okay, maybe flowers would be all right then."

"Anything you want." I was trying hard not to laugh now.

Brad's head was swiveling back and forth between us as if he was at a tennis match.

"How about Peppermint Schnapps? Norman likes Peppermint Schnapps."

"It's in the basement refrigerator."

"How much did you get? Did you get egg nog? Vernor's? Dad likes a high ball with Vernor's. I'll just run down and check."

With that Andy was gone.

Brad looked at me with a `What the heck was that all about?' expression on his face.

I smiled and explained that Andy hadn't known his dad when he was a child. That they'd met in a strange twist of fate only two years ago.

"That kinda explains it. Well, it's good to be with your folks at Christmas." Brad looked sad. This was only his second Christmas since his parents had been killed. He'd done well last year but you could tell that he still hurt at the thought of being without them.

We'd thought about inviting his grandmother for the holidays but thought better of it as she'd had a hard time, at first, allowing Brad to live with a gay couple. We thought the overload of Nelson and Norman might be too much for the dear lady. We were let off the hook when she called to say she'd be in sunny California with her son, Brad's uncle, and his large family.

Andy returned to the room. He handed me a beer and gave Brad one of the two Pepsi's he carried in his other hand. Sitting down on the couch he sighed. "I need to relax."

Brad and I both nodded in agreement.

"I'll take care of that in a bit," I said and winked at him.

Brad sort of blushed. A minute later I noticed he'd adjusted himself in his jeans.

((((((((((0))))))))

Later that night after a warm shower together Andy and I lay on the bed. "Ready to relax?"

"Ubetchim, Red Ryder."

I got up, walked to the bathroom and took a bottle of body oil out of the medicine cabinet. By the time I had returned to the bed Andy had pulled off his boxers and had turned on his stomach. I took a slow deep breath at the site of his beautiful, muscular buttocks. Dropping my towel, I crawled over the dog's trundle, the dogs, and onto the bed.

I straddled his legs and poured oil on my hands. Rubbing my hands together to warm the oil I admired his back. Once more, the beauty of this man whose life I now shared overwhelmed me.

Running my hands over his back, shoulders, arms and butt, I slowly, deliciously experienced the wonder of arousal. I watched as my penis filled, lengthened and stood out from my body proud and hard. As I continued my ministrations to the body of the man I loved, I leaned forward until my tumescence pressed against the crevice of his ass. Taking a deep breath, I undulated back and forth in that position until I was close to release.

I was well lubricated with the body oil and was able to open him with my fingers easily. Andy raised his hips off the bed and I pressed down, guiding myself into his body. He sighed. Stretching myself full length onto his back, sliding my arms along his, burying my face into his hair, I loved him. I loved him with all my heart and soul. In union with him the love we shared surrounded us. As my passion swelled within me I was lost in the wonder of it all. I breathed out his name at the same time I released my seed into him. I lay on his back, and softly caressed his arms. Reluctantly I withdrew. He turned over. I straddled him again but this time he was lying on his back. His firm hard penis rubbed against me, ready to penetrate me and share his produce with me. He entered with ease and as I rose and fell he looked deeply into my eyes. He mouthed `I love you, I love you,' over and over in rhythm with his strokes. Too soon he held his breath, stiffened beneath me and released a strangled groan as he pumped the blueprint of his being into my body. There were times when I understood how a woman must feel when a man offers her this design of himself.

We lay side by side. I was stroking his hair, kissing him, pressing myself against him. "I love you," he said to me, this time out loud.

"I never get tired of hearing you say it."

"David," Andy was more serious than before. "Did you notice how Brad reacted to your suggestion of how you were going to help me relax?"

"Yes."

"What do you think it means?"

"I don't know. Probably just teen-age hormones. Remember those?"

"How about adult hormones?" Andy pulled us into an embrace.

(((((((0)))))))

We stood outside the barrier at Metro. Since 9/11 no one was allowed on the concourses to greet arriving visitors. Andy kept dancing on his toes.

"I wonder if they missed the plane? Maybe they got on the wrong flight?"

Brad and I just shook our heads and smiled.

Finally Andy sang out, "There they are!"

We saw two, well-dressed, nice looking men coming down the concourse to the check-point. They were carrying their carry-on's. They smiled and waved when they saw us.

Now, when we'd met Nelson and Norman in Boston, we really didn't get to spend too much time with them. Andy had talked extensively with Nelson on the phone but we'd never gotten to know too much about Norman. We were soon to find out more than we needed to know.

After picking up their luggage and walking back to the super cab truck we set out for home. By an unfortunate decision Brad was wedged in between the two older men in the back seat.

"So, you're Brad," said Norman. "What an extraordinary specimen of young manhood you are."

"Ah, thanks," mumbled Brad, looking to Andy and I in the front seat.

"Tell me, my fine Adonis, when did you discover you were gay?"

"Norman, behave yourself!" ordered Nelson.

"What?" said Norman innocently, "I was just interested in this young man's journey to the bus."

"To the bus?" Brad was non-plussed.

"Yes, dear boy, `the Bus'"

"Norman!" said Nelson again. "If you don't leave the young man alone I will ..."

"Alright, alright," said Norman with an appealing chuckle. "How old are you, Brad?"

"Sixteen, I'll be seventeen in March."

"Ah, well then perhaps you're just working out your sexual orientation. No matter, why I didn't realize I was gay until I was about 25. You have plenty of time."

I caught Brad's eye in the rear view mirror. I smiled as reassuringly as I could. Brad gave a crooked little smile and slumped in his seat.

((((((((0)))))))

Christmas was a wonderful celebration of family. All the kids came home for the holidays. Angie was pregnant again and we were all pulled into the name game offering suggestions as to what the new comer would be called. Norman suggested that his name would be nice. Meg was a bit quiet as she and Sean had been trying for their second child, but had no luck as yet. Nelson and Norman were wonderful great granddads. They were attentive to the children and called my kids their grandkids. Andy was in heaven. Brad soaked it all in. He missed his parents but I could see he had adopted us as his family. It wasn't until after the holidays when Nelson and Norman had left that I had any inkling that there were problems.

"Mr. B?"

"Yes, Brad?" Brad and I were alone in the family room with the dogs enjoying the glow of Claudia on New Year's Eve.

"Could I ask you something?"

"Of course, anything. But, aren't you going to Jenny's New Year's Eve Party?" Jenny was Brad's girlfriend.

"Uh yeah, but I wanted to talk to you ... alone." Andy was gone on an emergency vet call.

"What's on your mind, son?" I felt a surge of happiness to call Brad that. He had truly become our son, Andy's and mine.

Brad studied his hands, then rubbed Annie's neck as she snuggled against him. Finally he said with a definite note of concern in his voice, "Why did Mr. Perkins think I was gay?"

`Oh boy!'

"I don't really know, Brad. Maybe he assumed that because you're living with us you are. Maybe it's just because he is a funny old man." I chuckled. I was glad that Brad did, too.

"How do you know you are gay? I mean when do you know?"

"Wow, those are tough questions. I don't know if I have all the answers. I can tell you what my experience was, but I know it's different for everyone."

"Would you? I mean ... I don't want you to feel you have too... but I really want to know."

"Well, Brad, I was just a kid when I knew that there was something different in the way I felt about boys. I wanted them to be my brothers. I had none. I had fantasies about being kidnapped with them and being tied up together and having to help each other to escape. Sometimes I pretended we were freezing and we had to keep each other warm. As the years went on the fantasies became more and more sexual." I didn't want to go into the details of this.

"But, you got married?"

"Yeah, I did. You have to remember I grew up a long time ago. . . .  It wasn't cool to be gay then.  Not that it is now, but it was worse then. I didn't feel I had a choice.  I thought getting married was the only path I could follow:  that or become a priest. If I stayed single I would be found out. I thought about becoming a priest because there it doesn't arouse suspicion to not be married. I had a boyfriend in high school. We loved each other very much but in the end we both married. I was his best man and he was mine. It was the only way we felt safe from discovery."

I studied Brad's face. He was concentrating on all I said with knitted brow.

I figured I needed to push this a bit farther. " Why do you want to know?"

Brad didn't reply at once. "Don't you feel anything for ... girls?"

"Well, I appreciate a beautiful woman."

"But, you had kids?"

"Yes I did. Brad, sexuality isn't that black and white. Sex in itself is good. It is an inborn need. How it's expressed varies. I can feel sexually attracted to a woman, I can have sex with them, but deep down I know that I prefer men. Does this make any sense to you?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Brad, working out your sexual orientation can be a scary thing. My best advice is for you not to get too up tight about it." I took a deep breath, and took the plunge. "Do you think that you are gay?"

"Uh, no, I was just wondering."

I didn't believe him.

Just then Andy came in. The dogs leapt up and ran to greet him. Annie much more slowly than Jake. Brad got up and said he better get going. He and Andy hugged each other a Happy New Year.

When we were alone Andy took me in his arms. "Happy New Year, David."

"Happy New Year, Babe."

"Babe?"

"What? I always call you babe."

"No you don't," Andy shook his head and laughed.

"Well, I always wanted too." I poked him in the ribs.

"You can call me anything you want as long as you love me." We kissed.

"Uh," Andy continued, "do you think we will have enough privacy to um..."

"Reenact our first New Year's by the tree?"

"Yeah, ... Babe." He winked.

"Ubetchim."

(((((0)))))

It was time for Brad's birthday. We had a family celebration. Brad asked if he could have a few friends over on the weekend for a party as well. We agreed.

The few friends turned out to be half the junior class. We didn't really mind. Brad's friends were a pretty nice group of kids. Besides they were in the home of a man that many of them had had as a teacher or coach. They knew I knew where they lived.

There was lots of laughter and loud music. Andy and I played bartender and waiter and kept them supplied with pop and pizza. We tried to keep out of their way as much as possible.

At some point I noticed that Brad was gone. I asked Andy about it.

"I haven't seen him or Jenny for about an hour," Andy said handing a Pepsi and almost an entire pizza to a guy that was as big as both Andy and I put together.

Just then a very disgruntled Jenny came downstairs looking disheveled. She seemed about to cry. Brad followed her down the stairs.

"Look, I'm sorry ... I didn't mean... Jenny, please."

"Mr. Bennett, would you take me home, please."

I looked at Brad; he appeared to be on the verge of tears. Andy gave me a look that said, `go ahead I'll take care of this.'

"Sure Jenny." We left.

After I got home the party went on for a couple more hours. Brad seemed less enthusiastic than earlier, but he still functioned as a good birthday boy and host.

After bidding his last guest good night he started for the stairs.

"Brad?"

He stopped, turned and said, "I'm okay."

"If you want to talk about it?"

"Nothing to talk about. Good night."

(((((0))))))

May brought an early summer, and we were able to say goodbye to the long drab spring. The warm breezes and sunshine were definitely welcome. I spent more time at the barn getting Snazzy ready for the up coming show season. Andy was busy with spring shots, drawing blood for Coggin's tests for Equine Infectious Anemia, without which you wouldn't be allowed to show, and the regular bumps and bruises of spring. He returned one Saturday afternoon visibly shaken.

"What's going on?" I asked as he got out of the truck. I was sitting on Snaz.

He looked around. "I'll tell you on the way home."

I put Snazzy away while Andy did the billing updates on the computer in the office. We met in the parking area, chatted for a few minutes with some of the barn folk and got in the truck.

I was driving. Andy sat with his head in his hands. I waited for him to decide when to talk about whatever was bothering him.

Finally he took a deep breath and said, "Shit!"

"Well, that sums it up alright," I said trying to lighten him up.

"Mrs. Ferguson."

"What about, Mrs. Ferguson?"

"She wants me."

"To take care of her horses? You already have that account don't you?"

"Yes, no, shit," He said again.

"Okay, let me hear it from the beginning."

"Yes, I have, or had her account. No, it's not about that. When I said she wants me, I mean she WANTS ME!"

"Owwwh."

"What am I gonna do?"

"Well," I was slightly amused at this point, "do you want her?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course I don't!

"Just asking." I chuckled.

"David, this is serious."

"I'm sorry. Tell me what happened."

"I was answering a farm call at her place. She was waiting in the barn with a horse that she said was lame. I had her lunge it. I couldn't see anything wrong with the way the gelding went. I told her so. She said it had been limping this morning. I told her again that there was nothing wrong with it now. She put the horse away. Then she asked me to come in and have an iced tea since it was such a hot day. I should've known something was up. But, stupid me, I went in. She poured the iced tea and excused herself. When she came back, man I couldn't believe it, she was in a teddy."

I lost it again.

"David!"

"I'm sorry, Andy. What did you do?"

"I stood up, knocked over the chair, and got out of there as fast as I could."

I couldn't hold it back, I laughed out loud.

"Oh, so now you think this is funny?"

"Andy, I'm sorry," I said again. I just think you're taking this too seriously."

"Well, maybe I am but what'm I gonna do?"

"Just forget it, she probably got the message."

Andy took a deep breath, "Maybe you're right. I hope you're right." He leaned back against his seat and closed his eyes.

When we got into the house, the flasher on the phone was indicating a voice mail. I picked up the phone to see who it was. As I listened I felt a combination of amusement and concern. It was Mrs. Ferguson.

"It's from your girlfriend," I quipped.

"What!" Andy's head snapped up from sorting the mail.

At that same moment Brad walked in.

"Dr. B. has a girlfriend?"

"No, I don't," said Andy indignantly. "What the fuck does she want now?"

"Andy, please, language, not in front of the children." I was trying not to laugh.

"Seems that gelding you looked at this afternoon is having trouble again, and she would be obliged if you would come back out and see if you can pin point the problem this time."

"She's the one with the problem."

"What's this all about?" Brad looked completely lost.

I briefly filled the boy in on Andy's current crisis.

"Why don't you just tell her you're taken?"

"Duh! Why didn't I think of that," said Andy a bit sarcastically. "Maybe it was because I'm taken by a man, ya think?"

"What difference does that make," rejoined Brad. "Taken is taken." And he walked out of the kitchen with his snack.

"Boy's got a point," I added.

"Oh, all right. I'll go back and if she pulls one of her vamp charades I'll just tell her I'm a flaming queen and be done with it."

Later that evening Andy returned. I was sitting in the family room with the dogs reading a book.

"Was she properly shocked?"

He took off his hat and walked into the kitchen. I followed him. Opening the fridge he took out a Pepsi, popped the top and turned to me.

"Seems I'm the way I am because I've never been with a real woman. She figures she's just the real woman to cure me." He took a big swig of the pop. Any other suggestions?"

(((((O)))))

Spring eased into full summer. Show season took up a lot of our time. Andy's vet calls took up the rest of his. Brad was busy with a part time job at Mickey D's and football conditioning. This would be his senior year when the college scouts were paying attention to the guys who might be good prospects for their programs for the following season.

One rainy evening in June, Andy returned from an emergency call late. I heard him in the shower. I lay there listening to the rain on the roof. Rolling over on my back I began stroking myself in anticipation of his coming to bed. He came into the room, switched on the bedside lamp and sat down to finish toweling his hair.

I moved over next to him and curved my body around his. He took in a deep breath as I ran my hand up his side, caressed his nipple and nuzzled his leg. The warm summer rain was a perfect aphrodisiac. He lay down beside me. Facing each other we softly caressed enjoying each other's features and form to the fullest. There was no rush, no flashing lights, no sirens, just the quiet, peaceful sense of arousal that says so well, `I love you.' Andy extracted the KY from the bed stand. I rolled on my side. The gentle rhythm of our union brought us both to climax. We lay there, joined bodily and spiritually until we fell asleep.

The next morning the alarm went off jarring us both from a sound sleep. The rain had ended and there was that sense of clean freshness in the air. The sun was already up.

As we showered, shaved and dressed we talked.

"You gonna be able to make the show this week-end?" I asked Andy.

"Ubetchim. Barring emergencies of course."

"Have you had any more Ferguson emergencies?" He hadn't mentioned the lady, if you could call her that, in a couple of days. After the initial incident it seems Mrs. Ferguson had a crisis about every other day that required Andy's presence: most of them in the evening.

Andy stopped in mid stroke of his razor. "Come to think of it, no. Do ya think we dare hope that the old gal has decided I'm a lost cause.?"

"If she has, then she doesn't see what I saw on that icy night in December four years ago."

I walked up behind him and pressed myself against him. He sighed contentedly, both, I surmised, from the love I was expressing to him in word and action, and from the thought that maybe he was free of the designs of Mrs. Ferguson. He turned around and kissed me leaving my face full of shaving cream.

Sunday, show time came and we arrived early as usual. Brad had come to help us and we were busy getting things set up for the day. We knew most of the folks who showed at this circuit so we were immediately aware that a strange trailer had come in. We watched it pull by and park near us. Andy just about fell backward into the muck bucket when the driver stepped out of the truck. It was Mrs. Ferguson.

Actually Mrs. Ferguson flounced out of the driver's seat. That's the only word to describe it. She looked like Dale Evans from an old Roy Rogers movie. Her skirt was mid-calf with fringe, she wore a vest over her blouse decorated with silver stars, and her hat hung on her back held by a bolo cord around her neck. I expected a chorus of Happy Trails at any moment.

"Yoo Hoo, Andy." She waved.

Andy sort of shook his hand in her direction.

She didn't come over to our trailer, but rather walked around the back of hers and with the help of a young man who had arrived from the other side, proceeded to unload a rather nice looking young horse.

"That's her new prospect," Andy said.

"Who, the hunk or the horse?" The young man was quite a nice specimen in many ways: tall, wavy hair and a nice smile.

"Who's that?" asked Brad returning the two buckets full of water for Snazzy.

"I don't know," I said. "Never saw him before."

"Brad, could you turn in my class registrations at the secretary's stand?"

"Sure," he replied, took the registration cards from me and walked off.

I few minutes later he returned.

"Well here's the scoop,' Brad said with a hint of excitement in his voice, "His name is Ted. He's Mrs. Ferguson's rider. Mrs. F. isn't going to show the horse herself, Ted is. He usually shows with the class A Arabian circuit. He's sixteen and lives in Stockbridge half way between here and Lansing.

He uttered the whole story in one breath and smiled as he finished.

"Well, Brad, you certainly didn't waste any time investigating the guy," Andy commented with a wink.

Brad blushed and looked very uncomfortable as if Andy had discovered a secret.

"Well, I, um, well the girls were talking about him when I went to turn in your registration cards, that's all."

I filed this reaction away for scrutiny later.

The day went pretty well for Snazzy and me. It went really well for Mrs. Ferguson, her horse and Ted. He was cleaning up in every class in his age group and beat Snazzy and me in Open Western Pleasure Sweepstakes. Mrs. F. could be seen clapping wildly and looking flirtatiously in Andy's direction at frequent intervals.

During the lunch break she came over and sat down on the bleachers with us. When I say with us I really mean between us. In fact she wedged herself in, and I nearly fell off the end of the bleachers. She placed her hand on Andy's thigh. Ted had come with her and he sat in the row below next to Brad.

"Oh, Andy," she breathed, "don't you just love my new horse. I'm sorry that he beat your friend's horse. Oh, I'm Johanna Ferguson, by the way," she addressed this remark to me. "And you are?"

Andy was opening his mouth to make the introduction but I decided to take the opportunity to defend my territory.

"I'm Dave Bennett, and Andy's not my friend, he's my lover." And with that I leaned over her, put my arm around his neck and planted a big sloppy kiss on his lips.

In the movie, Bambi, when `man' comes onto the meadow, all the deer raise their heads and swing them in his direction. Well, that was the effect of my action, which shocked even me. All heads and eyes were on Andy and me. Not only those in our company but the folks sitting around us that we didn't know from Adam. Andy was bright red. I was, too, I think. I felt it anyway, but, shit, I'd had enough of this brainless bimbo and her shenanigans.

No less shocked was Brad who looked as if he wanted to crawl under the bleachers and die. Ted just kind of chuckled. Johanna's mouth dropped open. But, did I stop there. No! I was on a roll. I was a knight in shining armor saving my beloved from the fire-breathing dragon.

"He and I are going to Boston at the end of the summer to be married in a double ceremony with my son and his partner. Did you know that gay marriage was legal there?"

At this point Andy looked at me as if I had completely lost my grip on reality.

"Well, it is," I continued, caught in the thrill of the battle, "and we're going to take full advantage of that opportunity. So, whatever your designs were on my man, forget it."

And with those words I had thrust my sword deep into the tender underside of the beast.

Johanna Ferguson dropped her hand from Andy's leg and tried to compose herself.

"Now, if you'll excuse us, Andrew and I are going to go get me ready for my next class. He has to zip me into my tight, tight chaps. Are you coming, Brad?" I stood up, took a still dazed Andy by the arm and walked him down the bleachers.

Brad got up and followed us down to the ground. Ted smiled and said, " I'll call you."

Brad just nodded.

I was adding this bit of information to that which I already had catalogued on Brad when Andy said, "Are we really going to be married in Boston?"

"To be honest, that just flew out of my mouth to get Mrs. F. out of your life. But, if..."

Andy threw his arms around me. "Could we... I mean... I know it wouldn't mean anything here ... but," now he kissed me in front of God and everyone.
Brad stopped and shook his head. I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or cute.

"Andy, I'll do whatever makes you happy. I know that nothing would make me happier than to be married to you."

I decided to contact Mike and find out what it would take to make this happen.

The show ended well. I was reserve high point champion. Mrs. Ferguson left without another word and never called Andy again. But, Ted did call Brad.

((((((O)))))))

Summer moved along. Brad was heavy into football conditioning. I was riding more and thinking seriously of moving beyond my local circuit and showing some quarter horse events. Andy no longer cowered when the phone rang. I had emailed Mike and suggested that Andy and I were thinking of coming to Boston to be married and asking for details on how to go about it.

Brad and Jenny had recovered from their split after his birthday bash. I was still ruminating on what was going on with him. This was further intensified by the frequent phone calls and visits from Ted.

In fact Brad, Jenny and Ted seemed to have become the Three Musketeers. Brad seemed to be either with Ted or with Ted and Jenny. Rarely was he with Jenny alone. I couldn't discern any indication of displeasure with this arrangement when I observed things as closely as I could without making them feel intruded upon.

One evening Andy and I were sitting on the deck. Brad and Ted had announced that they were going to a movie.

"Going to pick up Jenny?"

"No, just us guys," Ted said, as he put his arm on Brad's shoulder and squeezed his neck in a way that definitely denoted affection.

I couldn't read Brad's reaction.

"Have a great time," Andy said.

"Thanks," Brad replied. "Oh, Ted will be spending the night."

"You want me to make up the bed downstairs?" I asked, suspecting the answer already.

"Uh, no he can just bunk in my room."

"Yeah," said Ted squeezing Brad's neck even harder and inclining his head toward him.

"Well, see ya." Brad definitely blushed and broke away from Ted, heading for the door.

"Bye," Ted threw over his shoulder, along with a wink.

"Ho boy"

"Guess whose virginity may be on the chopping block tonight," observed Andy.

"Do you really think so?" I was getting nervous about this situation.

"Ted is definitely gay. He's worked out his orientation."

"And you know this, how?" I asked, wondering how Andy, who had never had another lover but me, was wise in the ways of the gay psyche whereas, I, who'd been around the block a few times was in the dark.

"Ted is comfortable checking us out."

"Ted checks us out?"

Andy chuckled, "Yes. Every time he's here he looks us both over. He doesn't even try to hide the fact he's undressing us with his eyes. He probably has it all figured out that I'm uncut and you're about seven inches hard."

I was amazed. I hadn't even noticed a sixteen-year-old gay stud was measuring my dick.

"And," Andy went on, "He's totally comfortable when we show affection to one another. In fact he gets this wistful expression on his face like he's wanting to experience that in his life too."

I'd been completely without a clue.

"And Brad?"

"I'm not sure if he's gay or not, but neither is he. He watches us all the time. He sees what we have together but he's not sure he wants that. Also he doesn't know if he's attracted to men exclusively, or if he wants a heterosexual life."

"He's afraid to be gay?" I asked once again experiencing the sensation that I was afraid he was gay.

"I don't know. He knows being gay isn't easy. But, at the same time he sees that we have about the best of what it can be. He needs more time."

I sighed. I'd convinced his grandmother that Brad was safe with us. Here he was in the midst of determining his sexual orientation in the home of two men who were gay and happy to be so. Yet, why did I feel it so awful that he might be gay? Why was I afraid to let him be gay? I had to admit the pain of being homosexual that I had felt in all my growing up years was still there. I had lived both lives and knew that, while I could never deny the wonder of my love for Patti and my children, my true nature was that of a man who loved men, their form, their personalities, their mystique. I wanted Brad to realize who he was. I didn't want him to just decide to be something he wasn't. But, somehow I was afraid for him to be gay. Hadn't my life been completed when I found Andy? Maybe I had some issues that were yet to be resolved.

"Can't we help him?" I was groping for some way to be there for Brad when no one had been there for me.

Andy got up and walked over to me. He put his strong arms around my shoulders and drew me to my feet.

"It'll be okay. He'll know when it's his time. And he knows that we're here if and when he needs us."

"I don't want him to make the wrong choice."

"It isn't a choice," Andy reminded me. "The only choice is when you choose to deny who you really are because some external force, societal, religious, familial keeps you from expressing your true nature."

"I don't want our influence to be one of those external forces."

Andy chuckled again. "You worry too much." Then he kissed me.

((((((O)))))

I was suddenly awake. What had awakened me? I felt Andy behind me, his breath on my neck, his arm draped over my chest. He was still asleep. I carefully removed his arm, got out of bed careful not to disturb the dogs on their trundle, and went into the bathroom. After I finished pissing I looked out the window. Brad's truck was parked at the curb. Walking out into the main hall I noticed Brad's door was still open and the light was on. I returned to our room and slipped on my loungers.

When I got downstairs and into the kitchen, I saw that the `Welcome home light' was still on but no others. I checked the family room: empty. I knew where they were. I knew that I should just let it be. I knew I wouldn't. I walked to the top of the stairs to the basement, silently remonstrating with myself for what I was about to do. About half way down the stairs I could hear voices from the extra bedroom that I had offered to make up for Ted. My heart started to race. Since there was no light in the hallway I knew the door was closed. I kept going until I was all the way downstairs in the hall itself.

"It's okay," came Ted's voice. "I was scared my first time, too. Just tell me if it hurts too much."

Holy shit, I was listening in on Brad's first fuck! Well, first man-fuck anyway. I froze and immediately became aware that as anxious as I was, I was getting hard!. `You are a piece of work, Bennett, you pervert,' I thought to myself.

"Oh, God, Ted."

"Want me to stop?"

"No, no... Ted!"

I finally shook my head and took my hand away from my cock where it had involuntarily found its way. Retreating up the stairs, I made my way back to Andy and our bedroom. He'd turned over and was facing the wall. I took off my loungers, climbed in bed, carefully opened the drawer and took out the KY. Coating my dick with lube, I slowly began to apply pressure to the entrance of my lover's body.

"What's going on?" Andy roused himself.

I kissed his cheek and slid into him. "It's my turn. You had yours, now it's mine."

"Now?" He chuckled and then let out a deep moan of pleasure.

"Can't think of a better time."

"Me neither."

(((((0))))))

When we woke a few hours later, the sun was shining in the window and we were still joined together. I loved it when that happened. I never felt more complete than when one of us was deep inside the other. All good things must come to an end however, and once I was awake I softened and slipped out. Andy turned to face me. Morning breath or not we kissed.

"What was that all about last night?"

"Complaining?" I asked.

"No, I loved it. Just didn't expect it."

I told him what I'd overheard and my reaction to it.

"What should we do?"

Andy kissed my forehead like I was a kid needing consoling. "Nothing unless he comes to us."

"I know but..."

"Nothing unless..."

"He comes to us. I know," I sighed.

Breakfast was an interesting event that day. At least for me it was. The four of us sat on the deck in the cool morning breeze in our loungers or boxers as if being half naked together was the most natural thing in the world. And of course it was. How many times had Brad, Andy and I had breakfast this very way? But the addition of Ted and what I had witnessed the night before were making me self-conscious.

I kept asking leading questions like, "You guys sleep alright? "I see you decided to sleep downstairs after all?"

These queries were met with Andy's pursed lips, knitting brows and slight shakes of his head. To which I mouthed an innocent "What?"

Ted was bright and airy. Brad played with his food and shot moon eyes at Ted.

"I slept like a log," offered Ted. "How about you, Brad?" He winked at his counterpart on the other side of the table.

"Oh, yeah, eh, great. Yup, like a log." Brad read his line and blushed.

"How about you?" Ted continued, "You have any trouble sleeping?"

My eyes must have gotten as big as saucers. I was sure that this smooth character somehow had read my mind. "I... we ... I."

My hero came to my rescue. "We slept really well. Thanks."

Brad looked at me with a question on his face.

>From there the conversation was carried mainly by Andy and Ted while Brad and I offered little and exchanged glances.

Ted left mid afternoon.

I wished I could say that Brad came to us and we helped him come to some conclusion about who he was, but I can't. Brad didn't mention that night or anything else for a long while. Ted became a more frequent over night visitor. The Three Musketeers continued to hang out together. Summer turned into fall.

(((((0))))))

It was a beautiful day. I was continuing my quest to go back to the quarter horse circuit. I knew that I would only have a few shows this fall since it was late in the season. But maybe if I did a couple of them I would know what to work on over the winter. Snazzy and I would be ready for the circuit next summer. He and I ambled out to the big outdoor arena early one Sunday morning. We were the only ones at the barn. I always tried to get there early to get some serious riding done before the crowds gathered. Since this was a spectacular day there would be lots of people around.

As we approached the arena I glanced up and looked at the azure blue sky. There, high above us, were four or five turkey vultures. "Think they're after us?" I asked Snazzy patting him on the shoulder. He twitched his ears but didn't offer an opinion.

We warmed up for about five minutes. I decided to do some straight-line work across the center of the arena. On the south side, beyond the fence was a berm. Along the top were several pine trees. Between them were stands of thistle. They had bloomed and now were covered with tiny goldfinches eating the seeds of this their favorite treat. Beyond them was another farm. The berm kept the horses pastured there from distracting our horses as we rode.

I rode directly toward the fence and the berm, marveling at the beauty of the scene before me. Just as we reached the fence there was a rush of wings. Two large turkey vultures rose into the air from behind the pines atop the berm. They were huge at this range. The goldfinches scattered. Both Snazzy and I were caught off guard. Snazzy reared and I fell off his back onto the ground. He fell on me. I lay very still for several minutes. When I opened my eyes I saw the turkey vultures circling above me. Snazzy got up and nuzzled my chest.

"I guess they were after us, after all." That was the last thing I remember except for thinking, `There's nobody here to help me.'

_Snazzy and I were headed down the exit ramp. There was a freezing rain falling. Brad was standing at the bottom of the ramp holding a sign that read,

Help Me
I'm a queer.
Someone please help.

I started to get off Snazzy to help him. Andy drove up in his veterinarian's truck.

"Sorry, he has to work this out for himself," he said. Then he drove off.

I started to protest but immediately two vultures flew out from under the bridge and grabbed Brad and started to fly off with him. One vulture had Ted's head, the other had Jenny's.

"Stop them, stop the vultures," I screamed. I tried to move but nothing seemed to be working.

_"Mr. Bennett, can you hear me? Mr. Bennett?" The voice came from somewhere above me.

"Am I dead?" I didn't want to open my eyes. When I did I saw a hunky male in white leaning over me. "Oh, gay men do go to heaven after all."

"No you're not dead, you're at The University of Michigan Medical center." The male nurse attending me said with a grin. "You've been in an accident."

Suddenly the reality of the situation came back to me. I panicked.

"Fuck, I know that! Why can't I move? Where's Snazzy? Did they get away with Brad? Why isn't Andy here? WHY CAN'T I MOVE?" I was shouting and willing my body to do something other than lie there as if frozen. "SHIT, AM I PARALYZED?"

"Mr. Bennett, I'm going to call for your doctor. Then I'll give you something to help you relax." I heard the nurse press the buttons on the phone and ask that the doctor be notified that I'd regained consciousness. Then I felt a prick in my arm and I fell asleep.

The second time I woke up my doctor, Art Wong, and another man I had never seen were standing over me.

"David, how are we feeling?"

""I don't know about you, doc, but I feel like a horse fell on me." I quipped. Whatever the nurse had given me was good stuff. I had calmed down considerably.

Both men smiled. The new comer was quite handsome. Well, at least that reaction was there as it had been for the nurse angel.

"David, this is Dr. Graham. He's the head of neurosurgery."

"Mr. Bennett," Dr. Graham continued, " I'm going to do some tests to see what amount of feeling you have in your extremities. Tell me if you can feel this. This. This. How about here? And here?" The doctor continued to poke all up and down my arms and legs, fingers and toes. I could feel all of the attacks on my body. Then he asked, "Can you move your fingers? Good, and now your toes. Very good."

I wanted to try to move my whole leg and lift my arms but that seemed to be impossible. I couldn't turn my head either.

"You've had a very serious fall. We've immobilized you until we can ascertain the extent of the damage to your spine.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't paralyzed.

"We need to be sure that you don't inadvertently do more damage in the meantime. As soon as we can, we'll do an MRI. Following that we'll determine what treatments are needed to get you back on your feet."

Tears now formed in my eyes. "Thank you. I ... just thank you."

"You had a very close call here, Mr. Bennett. That horse of yours should get a medal."

"Huh?"

"He was found at the end of the drive near the road making a terrible ruckus. When someone stopped he ran down the drive toward the barn. When the person didn't follow he went back and started his antics all over until the man followed him to the arena. When the guy saw you he called 911. If you had come to and tried to move, there could have been a very different outcome. That horse of yours may very well have saved your life."

I closed my eyes and offered a prayer of thanks for whatever had motivated Snaz to behave like something out of a Hollywood production.

"Andy? Brad?"

Dr. Wong smiled. "They're right outside along with your family.

`They are my family,' I thought.

They haven't left your side all night. I'll get them but you have to promise that you won't try to hug the hell out of them when you see them. Promise?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No," Dr. Wong said with a chuckle.

"Okay, I promise."

As the doctors left I pondered the fact that I had been out since the accident. Man, how Andy, Brad and the girls must have suffered. They had been here the whole time.

The door opened. Andy stuck his head in. I couldn't move my head. I just wiggled my fingers and beckoned him to me. Talk about tears: his dripped all over my face. Mine ran down my cheeks.

"Can I kiss you?"

"You better!"

He did. Gently, tenderly sobbing all the while.

He stood up, love and concern showing on his beautiful face.

"Brad?"

"Right here."

"Come'ere you!"

Brad came into view. He put his hand in mine and I tugged on it. He bent over and put his head on my chest. Now both my face and chest were wet with tears. He looked up, bent and kissed my cheek.

"What would I do without you," he said, simply.

Then I really lost it. We all cried and laughed at the same time.
Meg and Cathy came to the bedside and bent to kiss the tears on my cheeks away.

After being filled in for the umteenth time on the dramatic Snazzy rescue, the trip to the hospital and how they were notified, I shooed them out. Not because I wanted them to leave but because they needed to rest and get back to a normal routine. I knew this was going to be a long haul. But, I was alive, not paralyzed and still had the love of my two men and my family. I was content ... for now.

(((((0)))))

The next few weeks at the hospital were tedious and painful. The MRI showed that I had two fractured cervical vertebrae. About one more centimeter and I would be dead or paraplegic. `Thank you Snazzy.' In addition to that I had three ruptured lumbar vertebrae and several broken ribs. The ruptured vertebrae required surgery.

Days dragged into weeks. I had the surgery. I had a halo installed on my head to hold me steady while my neck healed. I had therapy with a charming hunk who I was sure was gay as he made sure his touch lingered and communicated his enjoyment of my body. Andy and Brad came to visit regularly and kept me abreast of the happenings at home. Meg and Sean, Cathy and Scott, and the grandkids were up regularly, too.

Finally, the day arrived when the two doctors came to my room and announced that I was ready to leave the hospital. While I had looked forward to this day for many weeks, when the reality came I was afraid. What would it be like to be at home with Brad and Andy as a less than whole man?

Andy and Brad came to pick me up. Actually, I don't remember going home. I was still on a lot of pretty strong painkillers and some things were lost to me forever. Some of it had to be filled in by Andy and Brad.

When I got into the house the dogs were excited to see me. Andy was concerned that they would undo all the progress I had made at the hospital. His worries were unfounded as both Jake and Annie were polite and seemed to understand that their master was not to be imposed upon. They jumped and yipped but they never became too aggressive to handle.

Brad, Ted and Jenny had printed out a banner; `Welcome home Mr. B', which hung in the family room. I sat on the couch and cried between Andy and Brad. Meg and Cathy had come to the homecoming. Ted and Jenny were there, too. After I composed myself, they told me of the situation at school, my sub, and how Ben and Janet were caring for Snazzy. After about a half an hour I was exhausted and needed to go to bed. Andy assisted me.

That night I lay in the bed and waited for Andy to join me. I had been advised by Dr. Wong, that I shouldn't engage in any active sexual activity just yet, but I knew that more than anything I wanted Andy.

Andy gently got into bed. He kissed me. We cried some more.

"I missed you."

"I missed you," he replied.

We kissed again. My emotional response was intense. My physical response was less than stellar. No matter, I was home and in the arms of the man who meant more to me than life itself. He gently rubbed himself against my abdomen. He took a deep shuddering breath and I could feel his warm fluid coat my stomach. I was happy to have satisfied his need. We slept in each other's arms for the first time in a month.

The next morning I sat stiffly at the breakfast table while Brad and Andy waited on me and fussed over me. I wasn't used to being the recipient of so much attention, and almost resented their efforts to take care of me. Every time I tried to do something for myself they were right there doing it for me. I finally lost it.

"Damn, I'm not an invalid. I can do some things for myself for God's sake!"

They both apologized but continued to do everything for me anyway.

"You better not try to feed me!"

They grinned and allowed as how I might be able to take care of that myself.

"How about your shower? Can I help you with that," Andy asked with a sly smile.

`Oh, now maybe this invalid stuff has some benefits,' I thought.

"Gee I do think that maybe I need a bit of help with that. I'm not supposed to bend or twist you know." I winked. Brad smiled. I noted that he didn't blush as he had on occasion when Andy or I mentioned anything intimate between us.

We were in the bathroom. Andy was undressed and I took in the view with relish. He carefully helped me out of my clothes and into the warm shower. He joined me there and embraced me. He was hard. Then he began soaping me and I closed my eyes enjoying the touch and waiting for my response. I plumped but didn't get hard. I felt a twang of anxiety. Andy ignored my lack of response and continued to tenderly caress my body as he cleaned me from top to toe. We exited the shower. He dried me and then himself. Kissed me and announced. "There, now all spic and span. ... What's wrong David?"

"Nothing," I lied, "just get tired real fast."

He got me into bed for a morning nap. I drifted off to sleep imagining every erotic scene that had ever turned me on, continually checking to see if things were firming up. Once more I fluffed up but did not achieve what I would judge as a satisfactory erection.

At the end of the week I told Andy that I could handle things on my own and he should get back to his clients. He had a pile of messages from them and I didn't want his practice to suffer. He was reluctant but finally gave in.

Thursday after he left I sat in the living room in the big chair with Jake and Annie by my side. I was healing well, I thought. I was needing less and less pain medication and was able to do most everything for myself, as long as I didn't stray outside the rules for lifting or bending. But, the depression I was feeling could no longer be pushed under the rug. Andy and I were still not supposed to have sex but I had expected that being with him would result in some physical sexual response on my part. That didn't happen. I was impotent. "Shit," I said out loud. The dogs raised their heads. What would Andy do when this situation got to him. Would he leave me? I wouldn't blame him. My mind continued to race along those lines until I was breathing heavily and wringing my hands.

I felt panicky. I had to do something to make this better. I got up and switched on the computer. I surfed the Internet until I found a site that had gay porn clips. I pulled my loungers down and clicked through the short movies whacking myself in a frenzy of emotion. After about fifteen minutes and without an erection I came. It had been a long time so there was a lot of cum but the fact that I couldn't achieve an erection erased the pleasure of sexual release. I sat letting the cum run down my hand and the tears run down my cheeks.

That night I lay in bed and watched Andy undress. He talked about this and that, his practice, how he was happy to have me home, Brad's fantastic performance in the football season. I finally interrupted him in mid sentence.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I closed my eyes tight. "Because I can't get hard any more." I opened them and looked into his, afraid of what I would see there.

Andy looked back at me as if I'd said `because I can't fly over the moon.'

"What are you talking about?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly the stud I used to be," I replied with a tinge of self-pity in my voice.

Typical of the man I loved, he came to me. "Is that what's been bothering you?"

"Well, hasn't it been bothering you?"

"No."

"No?"

"No!" Why should it? I mean you've just had a major invasion of your body. I would expect that you wouldn't be functioning at 100% right now."

Andy, always the pragmatist.

"What if it's this way always?"

"What if it is," he countered. "I love you."

"Will you love me when I can't ever get it up again?" I said with bitterness and turned to the wall.

He wouldn't let me get away with that. Gently, carefully, so as to not hurt my back he turned me to face him. "I have a love for you that will never grow old, or fade no matter what. You can't get rid of me that easily. Did you forget you asked me to marry you last summer? Well, we haven't done it yet but when we do you'll hear me say `in sickness or in health. Just cuz I haven't said those words to you doesn't mean that they're not already in force. So, just so you know, David, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, as God is my witness, David I swear."

I buried my face in his chest. I was tired of crying all the time but I couldn't help it. I cried again.

"Hush." I loved him so much at that moment. "Tomorrow you are going to the doctor. Ask him about this."

Andy, so practical. Of course that's what I would do. Ask the doctor.

((((((0))))))

Brad drove me to the Michigan Brain and Spine Clinic.

"Well, Mr. Bennett, You're doing very well. The healing has gone perfectly."

Dr. Graham had had me bend, walk and do deep knee bends. Then he sent me to the lab for a sonogram. Everything looked wonderful to him. All the while I rehearsed the question of my sexual inefficiency.

While he made notes on my chart he said, "About six more weeks and then you can go back to school, I think. I'll have the receptionist write you a letter to that effect for your principal. Do you have any other questions?"

"What about riding and working out" I was avoiding the most important question of all.

"Working out shouldn't be a problem. Just start light and work up slowly. Brace your back and if you feel any, I mean any, strain or discomfort back off. As for riding, I think you should wait until at least March. Before you start that again I would like to see you here. Anything else?"

God, this was so damn uncomfortable. "Uh, yes, um, I don't seem to be functioning normally, um, sexually."

"Do you mean sex drive or that you can't get it up?"

I was amazed that this man who had used such technical terms with me all the way through this ordeal, used a slang expression for this particular situation.

"Uh, I can't seem to... um, get it up." I looked at the floor.

Dr. Graham smiled. Or at least his voice did. "That isn't unusual with all the medications you are on. As soon as we wean you off of them, you should find that you will achieve erection just as you always have." Now he referred to it by its `official' name.

I breathed deeply. I wanted to believe him. I was relieved but was still skeptical.

"I'll have my nurse draw up a schedule of withdrawing you from your meds. You should see an improvement in both your emotional and sexual response soon. The medications you are on can mess with both of these aspects of your life. Remember no strenuous activity for another six weeks. You can resume normal sexual relations but I would rather see you be the passive partner." Well, what else could I be until my equipment started working again? That made me uncomfortable.

We said good-bye and I rejoined Brad who was waiting for me in the reception area. We got into the truck and headed for home. I told Brad most of what Dr. Graham had said, with certain exceptions. After I got done with my end of the conversation, Brad asked, "Can we talk?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm gay."

Holy shit, right to the point. "Okay." I was caught off guard and wasn't sure how to respond. It didn't matter, Brad continued without any prompting.

"You know that Ted and I have been seeing each other since last summer, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, we've been doing stuff. . . and... I like it."

I nodded.

"And, I tried doin' stuff with Jenny and it just wasn't the same. I mean I just didn't get into it like I do with Ted. I didn't have any trouble doin' it. It just didn't get to me, you know what I mean?"

I nodded again.

"And, I really like lookin' at guys. Like you and Andy really turn me on and so do a lot of the guys on the team."

`TMI,' I thought.

"So, what do you think?"

My head was reeling. I'd just had a very personal conversation about my sex life with my doctor, and now my almost son was discussing his sex life with me. I wasn't sure what to say.

"Brad, I'm glad that you're making progress with ... your perception of who you are. I just want to make sure that Andy and I aren't influencing you. Your grandmother let you come live with us because she thought that you were going to be free from any undue pressure from us."

"No, it's not like that. You haven't put pressure on me. I called Peter."

"My son, Peter?"

"Yes, he told me what he went through when he had questions about his sexuality. He helped me a lot. Some the things he told me made me figure out where my desires were. I guess I'm somewhat both gay and not gay. But, for now I'm going to go with my feelings and be gay."

His teen-age way of expressing this was both endearing and sad. I realized again that being gay was not completely in my comfort zone. I had been raised in an era that condemned homosexuality. Despite the fact that I was out and had a lover I was still responding to the precepts and teaching of my youth. Would I ever be free?

"I'm glad you're feeling good about this, Brad. I just don't want you to be unduly influenced by Andy and me. I want you to be sure for yourself."

"I can't help being influenced by you guys. I live with you and see that what you have is good and right. I can't imagine what guys go through who don't have role models and have to suffer all by themselves, not understanding that they aren't weird or something. I'm so lucky to have you and Pete. And Mike and John, too, for that matter."

I had never thought of it that way. I hadn't seen that when a young man was going through this he might need someone to say this is okay, this is not what society says it is. I felt good about Brad. I felt good about Andy and I felt good about me.

"But," Brad continued, "for right now I'm not gonna announce it to the guys at school. Okay?"

"Okay." Progress but still not completely free. I knew all about that. It would do for now.

(((((O)))))

I sat on the couch feeling about as useful as a snow shovel in July. Andy and Brad were happily putting up the Christmas decorations. Annie was curled up next to me but Jake was busy inspecting all the open storage boxes hoping to find a treat of some kind from last year that had been stowed away for the summer. Brad and Andy were struggling to get Claudia, our Christmas tree, put together.

"Here, let me show you how to do that," I said starting to rise from my seat.

"Sit! Stay!" Andy gave these commands with a mock sternness. Jake, who thought Andy was speaking to him, obediently sat and looked up expectantly.

Andy walked over to me, ruffled my hair, and said, "You know Dr. Graham said, `It will be a full six month recovery period. Longer if you don't behave yourself.' So, just relax and enjoy. Let Dr. Andy, take care of you." He bent down and kissed me.

"Grrrrrr," I growled. "Dr. Graham. Puh! What does he know?"

Actually I knew that Dr. Graham knew plenty. He was one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. I was just frustrated. The frustration stemmed from more than the enforced physical inactivity due to the surgery, it was mainly the anxiety I was feeling from other areas of my life. About a month earlier I had been given the okay to resume `normal' sexual activities as long as I was more of a passive recipient. That was fine with me but somehow my equipment hadn't gotten the message. While my libido was more than willing the flesh was not responding and I was panicking. I talked with Dr. Graham about it. He was sympathetic but not very helpful. I then talked to Dr. Wong, my regular physician. He felt that while the original symptoms were probably caused by the many medications I had been on, that now I was suffering from performance anxiety. In other words, it was all in my head.

Andy was supportive, to the point that I was upset with him for not being as concerned as I was. He'd suggested one of the ED drugs. But when I asked Dr. W. they were ruled out because of the other meds I was on. So, Andy just shrugged, hugged and made love to me. I, in turn, responded as best I could but it was becoming a real problem for me.

As I sat and watched the two men in my life decorate for the holidays I thought about the past year. We had come through both Brad's and Andy's crises. Even my physical situation was handled but this one I wasn't so sure of.

Almost two months had passed since that day of the doctor's visit and Brad's conversation with me. My body was healing, but I was being more and more consumed by my sexual limitations. I was beginning to dread going to bed knowing that Andy would patiently make love to me, never demanding, never expecting, just enjoying. I did enjoy it too but my mind was always working, always trying to figure out how to make my dick work. It wasn't.

I sat on the couch watching my two guys get Claudia dressed up for the season. I was a mixture of happiness and anxiety. I couldn't let this sexual thing go.

"David?... David!...DAVID!"

"What?" I shook my head and smiled up at Andy.

"Where were you?"

"Oh, here and there. I was just thinking about how good it is to have this year behind us."

"Yeah, it had some real ups and downs," added Brad.

`Now there was an analogy.' I grimaced internally.

We reminisced about the events of the year sitting in the light of the Christmas tree. I leaned against Andy. Brad sat on the floor with the dogs, leaning against my legs. We were a family. How blessed I was to have two families in my lifetime. To have them accept each other and enjoy being together was more than one should ask for. I really needed to concentrate on that, not the other things that were bringing me down. It was so stupid to get hung up on whether or not my cock could do the Conga. Other men would die for what I had.

Brad excused himself and went to give Ted a call. Andy got up and let Annie and Jake out for the night. I sat alone by the tree.

"Yes," I said out loud, then thought `Let it go old man. It had to happen sometime. You have too much to be thankful for to pout about something like this. Andy loves you and you love him. That's all that really matters.'

"Coming?" Andy said from the Dutch door to the dining room.

"Yeah, just give me a few more minutes. I want to admire your handiwork with Claudia."

"The master taught me," he said and headed for the stairs.

I got up and walked to the tree. The white lights, the ornaments, the snow on the branches, candy canes and cranberry garlands all were perfectly placed as if I had done it.

"God, I love that man."

Andy had carefully decorated Claudia just as I would have. I knew he'd done it for me, to show me how much he cared. I just stood shaking my head.

I heard the shower from the upstairs bath, took one last look at the tree, turned off the lights and headed up for the night. Annie and Jake were ahead of me. I went into the bathroom, washed my face and brushed my teeth while Andy finished his shower. I didn't think he knew I was there. He was just humming some Christmas song but so off key that I couldn't recognize it. I smiled.

I got undressed and into bed lying facing the wall. I'd almost dozed off when I felt Andy slide in beside me. Turning toward him I buried my face in the soft hair of his chest and kissed him there. He pulled me to him and kissed my head. I rolled over on my back and Andy straddled my legs. He bent and kissed and kissed me over and over. I just wanted to show him I loved him despite my limitations. I realized I was responding more fully than I had in weeks. I held my breath and tried not to think.

Andy sat up slightly and reached down behind him. Gently he took hold of my now hard cock and guided me easily into his pre-lubricated entrance. He had planned this. He had had faith in me when I didn't. He smiled down at me. I closed my eyes and gave out a deep sigh. It had happened when I hadn't tried; when I'd let go, it took care of itself. It was good to be home again.

The End of Year Four.