Open Arms 9 by Carter (nicksxtacy@hotmail.com) m/m CELEBRITY/Boy-Bands
Disclaimer: This story is a work of Fiction. It is not meant to reflect the true sexuality of anyone mentioned within, especially not NICK CARTER , Chris Klein, Brian Littrell or any member of the Backstreet Boys or any other individual mentioned within and is strictly taken from the author's over-active imagination. If you are too young or it is illegal for you to continue, DON'T. The author takes NO responsibility whatsoever for any harm that is caused to anyone by reading this etc. so if you're not supposed to be here, GO AWAY, please.
Author's Note: Hey, this one came out sooner than you expected ,didn't it? I've started going for shorter chapters, but more frequent....we'll see how that works out. And yes, I did say Ideally, I'd get to write one chapter a day from now on, but I didn't say I'd post them one a day....I've got to get ahead so that I have some chapters ready for when I go away, plus come sept. I might not have as much time, so i'm gonna try to space them out, ok? I hope there are still some readers out there. Especially the nifty readers-I haven't heard much from many of you lately....
DEDICATIONS: This chapter is dedicated to My one true ANGEL for the ultimate inspiration, you make my life worth living.
Now on to the story.
OPEN ARMS- CHAPTER 9 by Carter ( nicksxtacy@hotmail.com )
Both Brian and Nick opened their eyes as the ringing brought them out of their peaceful sleep. Nick had to blink a few times before confirming to himself that those were Brian's gorgeous blue eyes that greeted him and he supressed the urge to break out into a smile. Before either of them could say anything, Brian was reaching into his pocket to retrieve his cell phone that had caused their perfect slumber to be interrupted.
"Hello?" Brian questioned as he put the phone to his ear.
"Brian, where are you? Leighann called me to tell me what happened and I've been trying to get ahold of you ever since." Kevin's voice was loud enough to snap Brian into complete consciousness, yet not loud enough for Nick to make out the words he said.
"Relax Kev. I'm at Nick's." Brian braced himself for the onslaught of questions that were sure to follow. But instead, Kevin's response surprised him.
"Good, I'm glad to hear that. I was worried about you cuz, and I just wanted to see if you were alright." Kevin's response was filled with concern but also with a hint of happiness, that Brian couldn't quite understand.
"Yeah, I'm fine Kev. Sure it was hard breaking it off with Leighann, but I guess, deep down, I knew it was coming. I couldn't marry her Kevin."
Upon hearing the last words out of Brian's mouth, Nick couldn't help but smile. "So," he thought to himself, "Brian did end the engagement. It hadn't just been a plot to get me to open up." Nick smiled at the revelation, and basked in the feeling of being cuddled by Brian. While he was hesitant to believe that his current position, with his head in Brian's lap, was anything more than Brian offering comfort, Nick allowed himself, for just one quick moment, to think of how his comfortable position felt so right. At times, each of the five boys had shared close moments with one another, but no one had ever been more comfortable than Brian when displaying affection towards Nick. It was just one more thing that Nick cherished about his best friend, and also made him yearn for the time when he could be openly confessing his love to Brian. The mention of his name snapped Nick out of his reverie and forced his attention back to the phone conversation that was still going on between Brian and Kevin.
"Yeah, I know that with the wedding being canceled, it opens up two months that we had designated as my "wedding vacation"...but I don't think we should go ahead and schedule anything major for that time, why don't we all just use it as a much needed break?" Brian was hopeful, that with Kevin being in an unexplainable good mood, the suggestion might just appeal to Kevin's need for rest .
"You know, Bri. I think you're right. We all need and deserve a break, and if management could find the time to give us 2 months for your wedding, they can surely still spare the 2 months right now. I'll just tell them that we'll all make an effort to use the time to do some recording and hopefully they'll be okay with it. So, I'm guessing with Leighann out of the picture you'll be selling the house in Atlanta?" Kevin inquired, eager to see every trace of Leighann out of Brian's life.
"I don't wanna deal with it Kev. Just let her have the house. I don't really want the stress of dividing finances now. Just let her keep the house as my final present to her." Brian was pleased at his own decision, knowing fully that the money spent on the house was but a mere expense that he could more than bare to lose.
"Okay Bri, if you say so. If you wanna crash with me, `till you find yourself a new place, that's okay. I'll be at the Orlando house, so you can stay here or you can have the ranch in Kentucky all to yourself if you want.."
"Actually Kev, I think I'll be alright. If he doesn't mind, I think I'll crash here at Nick's for a while. I've been meaning to spend some time with him and he's all alone in this big house...Plus, it'll be convenient since he just had the recording studio put in. We'll see what Frick and Frack can produce when left alone..." He didn't know why he'd just invited himself to be Nick's new house guest, but one look at his best friend who was still nuzzled against his stomach told him that Nick didn't mind at all.
"Okay Bri. I guess I'll let you go, since you seem to have it all figured out. Just remember, my door's always open for you, or Nick and I'm always here if either of you need to talk. I hope you'll be able to help him through everything Bri, and if any of us can help, we're all just a phone call away..."
"Okay, thanks cuz, I appreciate it. But I'm sure Nick n' I will be just fine.." Brian assured him.
"Oh, and Bri....one more thing?"
"What is it Kev?"
" Is it okay for us to celebrate?" Kevin asked expectantly.
"Celebrate what?" Brian was genuinely confused.
"Can we celebrate the fact that you finally dumped the bitch?" Kevin's voice revealed the grin that was plastered on his face and Brian couldn't help but chuckle.
"Y'all are bad...but go ahead. Like I said, the break up was for the best. Later Cuz."
"Later Rok." Kevin sighed as he hung up the phone. In a mere couple of weeks the entire situation of the Backstreet Boys had changed dramatically. Nick went into a deeper depression than anyone had ever seen before. Brian had broken up with Leighann and was staying with Nick for two months. Kevin let his mind wonder back to the day on the plane, seeing Nick and Brian together, hand in hand and how he had thought that they would make the cutest couple. They were perfect for eachother. It's not that Kevin wished that his cousin was gay, It's just that he wanted the ultimate happiness for both Brian and Nick, and together, they were happy. Kevin said a silent prayer for Frick and Frack, before picking up the phone to call AJ and Howie. Tonight they were going to celebrate. The bitch was now out of their lives, and both Brian and Nick were on their paths to recovering from the sadness that had overtaken their lives.
Back at the Carter house, Nick looked up at Brian, from where he lay, waiting for Brian to say something . He had allowed himself to enjoy the comfort that Brian offered for quite some time, but now it was time to face the music. His secret had been revealed. Brian had figured out that Nick was gay, and it was time to deal with the consequences . Nick braced himself for the religious bashing that was about to occur, as he kept his eyes locked with Brian's.
When Brian finally spoke, breaking the silence between them, his words surprised Nick. Bri could see the fear clearly plastered on Nick's face, and wanted more than anything to set his soul at ease.
"I'm here for you Nicky. Don't ever be afraid. You're my best friend, and nothing will ever change that. I'm so sorry for not telling you this before."
"Bri. I don't want you to pretend, or hold your feelings back. I know you disapprove, and I'm sure you probably hate me now, so let's get it all out." Nick approached the subject as maturely as he could, opting to remain as serious as possible, in fear of breaking down if he allowed himself to soften.
"Nicky, come on. You know me better than that. I wouldn't...no, I COULDN'T ever hate you. And besides, If I didn't support you completely, I would have never tried to set you and Chris up." Brian said. Although he was hesitant to mention Chris, Brian knew he may as well get it all out of the way.
"Yeah, Bri, about the Chris thing...What the hell were you thinking?"
"Nick," Brian paused and took a deep breath. He knew he had to say it all right now, and get it all out on the table.
"Nicky. Do you remember that morning that you woke up and I was in bed with you? Well, that night you had what seemed to be a very disturbing dream. You were out of it for a few hours, and none of us could get you to wake up. It was so scary Nicky. I tried and tried, and you wouldn't come out of it. You kept yelling that you didn't want me to leave you and that you were so afraid of losing me." Once again, Brian hesitated, wondering whether or not he should tell Nick about Nick's declaration of love. Convincing himself once more, that Nick had meant the love that's shared between two friends, Brian decided to omit that minor detail. Sensing the building tension, and Nick's obvious confusion, he continued, but not before wiping away the tear that was threatening to spill down his cheek,
" After that I knew something was wrong and I began thinking over all the possibilities. It wasn't just me, Nicky. We all knew something was really bothering you, and it hurt me so much that you couldn't open up. When one of the guys first mentioned that you might be gay, I dismissed it, but then it kept coming back to me." Brian took a deep breath, giving Nick a look that let him know that he still had more to say ,
"The night that Chris approached me at the concert, he had seemed so certain that you were gay, so when I told him that you weren't it really did shock him, but I put that far behind me, although for some reason I had kept his number. When it became more evident that you might be gay, I panicked. Not only did I not know how to ask you about it, it was the one problem I couldn't help you with. I had no idea how I felt about it, let alone how I could help you deal with it, but it seemed to be tearing you apart, Nick. And it hurt me to see you so depressed, knowing that I couldn't do anything to help you." Brian wept openly now, as he struggled to finish his conversation. Nick reached a hand up towards Brian's face, and rather than flinching, Brian moved closer, nuzzling his cheek to Nick's soft palm.
"And then Nick, I found the notebook that you use to write ideas for songs in. We always pass it back and forth when we're working on something, so I didn't think you'd mind if I read what you were working on."
Nick let out a slight sigh, as it finally all seemed to make sense. He didn't need Brian to say what he had read, Nick remembered all too well what the last two songs were that he had written.
"I read the second last one first. It was so beautiful Nick.I loved it, and couldn't get it's haunting words out of my head. I'll admit I couldn't figure out where you'd been able to get the inspiration for the song, all the pain and love that you described in it, seemed so real. It bothered me that I didn't know who you had written the song for. How could someone mean so much to you, to inspire such an emotional song, without me knowing? And then when I turned the page and read the last song you wrote Nick, I knew I had to be right, but most of all I couldn't forgive myself for letting you be that depressed, that desperate that you'd want to kill yourself. The whole song was about hating yourself, and wanting to commit suicide, wasn't it? I should've been there for you Nicky. What if you'd gone through with it?" Brian's tears continued to fall as he looked expectantly at Nick.
"The last song, Bri. I wrote it one night when you were with Leighann. You couldn't have known I was that depressed. Don't beat yourself up about it, I'm still here aren't I?" Nick tried to smile at Brian and ease his sadness, but realising all that was on Brian's mind, Nick knew that Brian was now sharing in his pain, and this was a pain too deep to just brush away.
"Nicky, I was so hesitant about calling Chris, but I didn't know where else to turn. I didn't want to ask one of the other guys, I mean, what if I was wrong, I didn't want to be telling everyone you were gay. It's your life, not mine, and I couldn't decide for you whether or not you'd want them to know. So i called Chris, and asked if he'd still want to have dinner with you. But I was still hesitant, until this morning when I opened your journal, and saw that you'd written, `It's over.' I thought that you were ready to do it Nick, and it scared me, so I went ahead with the plan to set you up with Chris. I prayed that I had been right Nicky, and now I realise how badly I screwed up. I should've talked to you Nick, but I felt so weak because I couldn't help you, I didn't know what to do. Tell me what to do Nick, I don't want to lose you either. I don't want you to feel so alone that you'd do something like that to yourself. I want to help you Nicky, in any way that I can."
As the tears continued to pour down Brian's cheeks, Nick eased himself up to a sitting position, and pulled Brian into his arms. Each of their head's found a place on the other's shoulder as their tears were shed together. The pain that Nick had felt for so long being eased as he shared his burden with someone else, yet the fear of losing Nick was so alive in Brian that he was afraid to let go of the boy that he'd watched grow into a man.
"Nick, you're my best friend. Now that Leighann's gone, you're all I have. Don't ever leave me ok? Whatever you're going through I wanna help you through it. I couldn't bare to have you kill yourself, Nicky. That's not the answer. At least not when you've got me here, willing to help you." Brian allowed himself to be comforted by the touch of Nick's cheek against his. Nick was here, Nick was alive and he was going to make sure that Nick was happy. Now that Leighann was out of the picture, there was no way Brian was ever going to let Nick out of his sight, unless he was completely sure that Nick would be alright.
"Brian?" Nick whispered.
"Yeah..."
"Thank you for being my best friend, for being there for me always, and for accepting me." Nick was honest, and he did all that he could to convey that to Brian.
"Nick, I'd never let something like you being gay come between us. I love you."
Nick shuddered at the sound of those words. Here he was, holding Brian in his arms, Brian knew that he was gay and he was okay with it. And now, Brian said the words Nick had longed to hear for so long. His heart was distraught. Finally, his secret was out, and his worst nightmare had yet to come true. Brian hadn't left him. And Brian loved him. But there was still one more thing. Brian didn't know that Nick "LOVED" him. And Nickolas knew, that that admission would change things between them forever.
Before Nick could decide what to say next, he heard Brian's soft voice singing into his ear, softly, but audibly. The song made Nick smile, as it also brought a new set of tears to his eyes. He buried his head further into Brian's shoulder and breathed in his scent, while enjoying the closeness between them as he listened to the song.
Brian wasn't quite sure exactly why the song came to mind, but it fit the mood and seemed just right.
"So now I've come to you,
With OPEN ARMS.
Nothing to hide, believe what I say.
So here I am, with open arms.
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me,
OPEN ARMS."
There you have it, chapter 9....
As always, questions, comments, suggestions, complaints etc. are appreciated more than you know. Feedback fuels the writer's spirit. nicksxtacy@hotmail.com : please use it.