This story is a work of fiction. This story contains will at some point contain sexual contact between two underage males, if this material is illegal to read then please hit the back button now. Everything in this story is made up, the names and people are created by the author: Please do not copy or paste this anywhere else, now that is out of the way please feel free to email me. alectyler@live.ca (I stole this from KD and if you don't happen to know who KD is, you should spend some time and read Some Sense of Security) ********** I wasted so much time Just staring at the clock I thought the pain would stop now But not a day goes by That I don't see your face I can't seem to erase the past I never gave you my heart You just stole it away And if I say you right now I'd know exactly what to say **********
Chapter Two
The feeling inside his chest was that of a wounded animal. He was too weak to live and too strong to die. Wishing that someone would come and finally end this misery seemed like a blessing. It felt worse than any beating he had ever received. It felt like there was a giant hole in his chest and everything was being sucked inward slowly.
Sam felt helpless, he felt bad, terrible in fact for his actions. He tried to ask for forgiveness a number of times but every time he went to say those words his mouth would remain shut, it was like his mouth had a mind of its own and knew something Sam didn't.
Seeing that empty room had done more damage than the bitter words from his mother. He had hurt someone he cared about. The feeling in his heart was becoming almost unbearable. He went and sat on the bed, hoping to be closer to Jake in some way. He reached over and grabbed the pillow and brought it to his chest and hugged it. It smelled like him and that's all it took for the water works. He wondered how he could possibly fix this rift between them. He had his doubts, could Jake ever trust him again. If he was in Jake's shoes he doubted he could trust Jake.
Sitting there in the room that had become Jake's, he realized that it was worth it. He'd do whatever it took to have his Jake back, even if that meant waiting. Jake was his soul, his breath, his everything. He'd die before he gave up, there was no way he would lose him. He'd out himself in front of the whole school if he had to.
He placed the pillow back on the bed and got up. He walked out of Jake's room, shutting the door behind him. As he walked down the hall, a picture caught his eye. The wall was lined with family portraits over the years, his school photos, his birthday parties and some of just Jake and him together.
The one that caught his eye was the one his mom took of Jake and him at the beach in just their swim suits. It had just been taken last summer, it was the day Jake had finally took the plunge and came out to Sam. They both had smiles plastered on their faces. It was a day he'd never forget, the day Jake stole his heart.
How could he have let go the one person that made his world whole that made him so happy. "I'm sorry Jake" he whispered.
"Sorry for what Sam" a voice said from right behind him.
The sound of the voice made him jump and stammer. He turned around and saw that he wasn't as alone in the house as he thought.
"What's wrong Sam" Mark said.
Mark was his oldest friend, they grew up, experienced everything together. He was there when Sam first learned how to ride a bike or when he had his first swimming lessons. They tackled everything head on as they grew. Those two were twins of destruction their mothers would say.
Mark looked a lot like Sam, both were slim from swimming so much but Mark was just a tad taller and he was obviously stronger due to being on the wrestling team at school.
Mark had always been the more forward of the two, the mastermind sort of speak. When Jake and his family moved here they became the trio, the three amigos. If their parents thought two were bad, three were torture.
As close as they were, Sam had never had enough guts to come out to Mark. He was scared, Mark was his best friend. He was practically his brother. Sam and Jake hid their relationship from everyone but Sam's mother. Sam's house was like a safe haven to be themselves.
"Sam.... what's wrong?" he asked again.
"Nothing Mark, I'm fine" Sam said hoping his cheeks weren't still stained with his tears, it was taking everything he had to hold them back now. He just wanted to be alone.
Mark stepped closer into the hall, closer to Sam. "If it was nothing you wouldn't be crying, now tell me what's wrong. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong dude." he said as he took another couple steps closer.
The hole in Sam's chest felt like it was getting bigger, he was having trouble breathing. "Please don't make me. Please. "He pleaded. He could no longer hold the tears back. They rained down his face, Mark didn't waste any time and hurried the last few steps and grabbed onto Sam, trying to comfort him somehow.
Mark had never seen his friend in this kind of state before and it scared him, it was like there was no life left in Sam's life. He was afraid what Sam would have done if he hadn't of showed up. Would he still be still alive? No one knew that answer except Sam and he was a sobbing mess in Mark's arms. "It'll be okay Sam just tell me what's wrong" he pleaded back, afraid to let go.
"Y...you...you..you'll hate ...hate me" Sam got out between his sobs. Mark didn't have time to feel bad that Sam didn't trust in their friendship. Mark put those thoughts away for another time, a less pressing time.
"I won't hate you buddy" Mark promised him.
"Y...yes.... yess.... you....you will" Sam said sobbing harder.
Sam pushed away from Mark, trying to get away. Sam bumped into the wall and slid down.
"I'm ... I'm in.... I'm in love... with Jake" He whimpered.
Silence, the hallway was deadly quiet, it had an eerie feel to it too. Mark took a step forward, Sam flinched. Mark crouched down so that they were eye to eye.
"Really?" Mark asked
Sam knew that Mark wouldn't take it well, he still had time to deny it didn't he? He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He was choking on his words, he couldn't lie, and lying would be like denying the last six months. Denying his love for Jake and he couldn't do that.
"Is that all that's got you upset" Mark continued
"wa..wait what!" Sam stammered out. Had Sam missed something? There was no freak show, no beating, just a calm and curious Mark. The shock was just setting in, he had told Mark.... told Mark he was gay.... and he was ok with it.....ok?!
"Aren't you mad or something?" Sam probed
"Why? Did you hurt me somehow or just think dirty thoughts about me?" he asked with his goofy smile.
"Ewww! Gross dude LIKE NO! We're like brothers" Sam said loudly
Sam's words made Mark burst out laughing and soon Sam joined in, he felt.... free. He never had a choice about telling him mom, telling someone he trusted on his own felt...empowering.
"So ..... You're ok with me being you know?" Sam asked
"Gay dude, it's gay. It's not a bad word. And yeah I'm fine with it, I've known for a while" He told Sam.
"How?"Sam asked. He didn't understand, he thought he was being careful.
"Come on we've been friends since like the beginning" He looked at Sam with a smile "I saw the way you looked at Jake. Every time he's near, your eyes sparkle to life."
Sam scuttled over and pulled Mark into a strong embrace. "Thanks" was all he managed to squeeze out before the tears flowed again but this time they were happy tears.
"So.....Are you going to tell me what's wrong now or what?" Mark asked. "It's like your heart isn't in it anymore."
Sam stiffened in Mark's arms, he struggled to get of his arms but Mark held on tight.
"I pushed him away" Sam whispered.
"Pushed who away?"Mark inquired.
Sam began to fight harder to get away but Mark wouldn't let go. Mark knew if he let go that Sam would run and end up hurting himself.
"Shhh, it's going to be alright. Who buddy?" Mark whispered to Sam.
Finally it was like the power drained from Sam, he stopped struggling, he just lay limp in Mark's arms.
"Jacob" Sam whispered out just before his sobbing starting again.
"It's .....all...... my fault" he continued.
Mark continued to hold him and just let him cry, he started to rub Sam's back in circular motions just like his mother used to for him when he was really upset.
Eventually Sam's sobs subsided then stopped but still they sat there in their own world. Finally Mark broke the deafening silence.
"It's not" he told Sam.
"It is!" Sam stated back.
"It's not your fault Sam!" Mark said forcefully.
"But it is, I pushed him away, I hurt him." Sam said
Mark brought his hand up to Sam's chin and used his finger tips to tilt Sam's head so they were looking eye to eye.
"We all make mistakes, it's only our fault if we give up on trying to fix them" Mark said knowingly.
Mark hadn't noticed it before but there was blood on his forearm. He hadn't felt a pain of a cut.
"We gotta get up buddy, I think I hurt myself somehow. I need to clean it in the bathroom."
Mark slowly stood up, pulling Sam up with him. Mark had to drag Sam with him just to get to the bathroom, he was afraid to let go and leave Sam there alone. Somewhere in his head there was a voice telling him that it was not wise to leave him.
He finally managed to wash the blood off of his forearm but there was not a big enough wound to produce that much blood, just nicks and shallow cuts. He realized that the blood wasn't his, it was Sam's. There were pieces of glass imbedded in the back of Sam's arm just above the elbow. When they were struggling on the floor the blood must have transferred over to Mark's arm.
"Sam?" Mark asked
"Are you okay?" Sam asked, finally pulled out of his daze by seeing the blood.
"I'm fine, let me see your arm" Mark said reaching for Sam's arm.
Sam was shocked to see glass in his arm, he hadn't felt anything. Seeing the glass though brought the pain forward. It was like a thousand little needles stabbing him all at once. He just stood there and watched and winced as Mark pulled the pieces out one by one with a pair of tweezers that he had found among some bandages in a drawer.
His arm wrapped in bandages would eventually heal but both Sam and Mark were still trying to figure out where the glass had come from. All cleaned up, they both left the bathroom and walked down the hall where they were. Lying broken was a picture, glass everywhere along with blood. Sam bent down and picked up the picture. It was the one he was looking at earlier.
Tears welled up in his eyes, it was as broken as he felt. Mark looked over and saw a tear escape from Sam's eye.
"It's ok, we'll get it fixed. You're lucky that the glass hadn't gone too deep you know." Mark stated
Sam just nodded his head in agreement, scared that if he'd open his mouth all control would be lost and he'd start sobbing all over again.
Mark reached over and took the picture frame from Sam's hands. He pulled the picture out, surprisingly it was undamaged. He handed Sam the picture.
"Go put that someplace safe, I'm going to toss the frame before someone gets hurt again." Mark said.
Mark stood there and watched as Sam walked to his room to put the picture away before walking to the kitchen to throw the frame out. He felt really bad for Sam, he just didn't have the life in him right at the moment.
He found a box and placed the frame in it, taped it up and threw it in the garbage. He was quite familiar where everything was, he practically grew up in this house. After he was finished he wandered back up to Sam's room.
Sam's door was shut so he knocked but received no answer. He turned the knob and walked in. The room was pitch dark, the window covered and the lights off. Mark flicked the light on, Sam was curled up into a ball on his bed, and he was crying.
Mark sat down on the bed right beside Sam's curled figure. He placed a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder.
"He's gone for good" Sam whimpered.
"How do you know that?"Mark asked
"Because I broke up with him" Sam said with deep hatred for himself.
"Have you tried to apologize and maybe told him why you did it? Mark asked
Sam shifted on the bed, uncurling and turning and looking at Mark. He sat up and slid beside Mark.
"I tried to apologize but it didn't do me any good, he wouldn't listen. He told me that we had to work at being friends before anything else. "Sam said.
"Well it seems like you weren't listening. He never said it was over and done with, he just told you that you guys had to start over and work back up to where you were. I think that what he's asking is understandable, he's giving you a second chance." Mark stated
Tears started to fall again but this time Sam wore a smile as the tears fell.
"I'm a total idiot. A second chance, I wouldn't have realized that without you." Sam said
"You're not an idiot, just a bit slow sometimes" Mark said with a smile.
Sam stood up and walked to the door. Disappearing into the hallway without a word, Mark got up and followed behind. Still no words, Mark watched as Sam sat on the steps by the front door and put on his shoes. Finally Mark decided to break the silence and ask Sam what he was up to.
"Where are you going?" Mark asked. Mark put on his shoes too, intended to follow even if Sam didn't tell him.
"I'm going to see if he went back home or if his father has seen him." Sam stated.
Sam opened the door and walked outside, Mark continued to follow. They locked up and Mark offered to give Sam a ride over, hoping to help the best he could.
Jake had spent the whole day handing out resumes, he needed a job, he needed to get out of Sam's house. He felt like a prisoner, but he knew that he couldn't go back to his father. Jake wouldn't survive another round of his father's 'lessons'.
Jake walked into the house, exhausted, handing out resumes was stressful. He had gotten a few 'Thank you' and a few 'Call you' but no solid 'You got the job'.
He could hear that Sam was home, Sam had his music blaring from his room. He took off his shoes and climbed the few stairs. He walked down to his room, he saw that Sam's door was shut again. It had become a common thing since the break up. It was like he was shutting Jake out and it hurt him.
He was tempted to go over and open his door and ask him why he was being such a jerk but he stopped himself and turned and went into his room. What he saw sitting on his bed made him want to walk back out that door and burst into Sam's room and ask him what the hell he was thinking. He took back his thought earlier, Sam wasn't being a jerk just a stupid moron.
Sitting on his bed was everything he owned. There were clothes, books even his cd collection. One or two cds were missing but that was it. It was stuff that he had left at his, no his father's house. It shouldn't be there, it couldn't be there but it was.
He walked over and looked at everything, tears sprang to his eyes, He expected never to see this stuff ever again and here it was. He favourite shirt, which Sam had bought him was there and so was his favourite cd, A Cursive Memory Let Love In.
He put the stuff back on the bed and then went and tried to open Sam's door, knowing no amount of knocking would get his attention but his door was locked. Finding Sam's door locked was more of a shock than actually finding his stuff. It just reinforced the idea in his head that he was being shut out by Sam.
Somewhat defeated at the moment, he went into his room and grabbed Let Love in and took it to the living room to listen to because he doesn't have a stereo in his room. He just sits there as Dream Away plays. A few songs later he heard the front door open and the sound of Rebecca, Sam's mother coming in.
He got up and turned the stereo off and walked into the kitchen. He knew her routine down to the letter now, she always headed straight for the kitchen to drop off her lunch bag on the counter and so she could grab a drink.
Jake came in just as she was pouring a glass of wine, she always said it helps unwind her from a busy day.
"Hey, how was your day kiddo?" She asked taking a sip of her wine.
"Good, got quite the shocker when I got home though" Jake stated to her.
Rebecca took a seat at the kitchen table and Jake grabbed a glass and filled it with water then joined her at the table.
"Nothing bad I hope or I'll ground him for good I swear" She said
Jake let out a small laugh. "No it was good, stupid but good" He said
"I found everything from my Dad's in my room, stacked on the bed. It was stupid because my Dad is dangerous." he continued.
He picked up his glass and gulped down the water, afraid to think of what Sam did to get his stuff back. The gesture made Jake's heart jump but it had been too risky. Sam could have ended up in the hospital like Jake had and that would've been horrifying just for a few items.
"Have you talked to him about it?" she asks and he shakes his head no in answer.
"Well then I'll go get him so we can talk about it" she continued, got up and walked out of the kitchen.
A few minutes later the music stopped and you could hear faintly what Rebecca was saying but not Sam's reply. She walked back into the kitchen and sat back down in her seat.
"He said he'd be here in a second" she said with a smile.
Jake didn't understand how she got Sam's attention and so quickly, he just chalked it up to her motherly ways.
Her back was to the doorway so Jake saw him first. He was shocked, pissed off and kind of worried looking at Sam.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Jake asked standing up quickly from the table.
////////\
Thanks guys for the emails, really appreciated them :) I know I took quite a bit of time to write this, hope you enjoy it. It'll get more interesting in the next few chapters. Thanks Jim, Mark, Frank, Robert and Jay, just to name a few of the great people who emailed me. I hope to hear from you guys again.