Disclaimer: I do not know *N Sync or their sexual preferences. If it is illegal for you to read fictional stories about male/male relationships where you live, please leave. Same thing goes if you just don't like the idea of two beautiful men in love.
Title: Open Your Heart Author: Robin (nsajscgirl@yahoo.com) Rating: R Pairing: Joey/Lance Notes: Thank you to Mikko for help with the title and thanks to Cele who always helps me out so much. :) Feedback is always nice.
Chapter 1
He glowed. He fucking glowed with some internal radiance. That was the first clue that Justin had been fucked. When he stumbles into breakfast with that glow surrounding him and a small smirk gracing his lips, it tells one and all that Justin Timberlake has just gotten laid. After five years it became easier and easier for Joey to spot and harder and harder for him to bear. Chris just laughed at him like a friend would, JC frowned at him like a disapproving father would, and Lance ignored him like an acquaintance would. But Joey...Joey studied him; he watched Justin closely on those mornings, intent on finding out what made Justin look that way, wondering idly if he could make Justin look that way.
"What a beautiful day!" Justin announced on that particular morning after he'd gotten laid. That was another thing...Justin was always cheerful after fucking some lucky girl...something that caused Joey no little bit of jealousy and bitterness. When Justin turned those sparkling, glowing eyes on him, his lips pulled into a beautiful smile, Joey couldn't help but return the smile as genuinely as possible, because he didn't want to not smile at smiling Justin.
"So...who was the lucky girl?" Chris asked, hoping to get details despite the fact that he was nearly thirty and should have some decency. Justin's shrug was almost as bad as Justin's glow.
"Dunno..."
"Jesus, Justin! You've got to be fucking careful! You can't just go around screwing groupies at random!" JC exclaimed, to which Justin rolled his eyes and picked at his food absentmindedly because he'd heard this speech at least half million times.
He mumbled the required, "I know," and "I'm careful," to ease JC's mind a little before he turned and winked at Joey. The smile Joey managed was real and unaffected...as real and unaffected as Joey could make it.
As soon as breakfast was over, Justin sauntered out of the room to finish packing--or at least that's what Joey assumed he was doing-- and Chris leaned over to Joey.
"Jesus Christ! Not even you, with all your charm, can woo the ladies like Justin can! He doesn't even have to try, the fucking bastard!" he exclaimed loud enough so that his high pitched voice reverberated throughout the small room. Normally Joey would have flashed a quick grin and a shrug, but Justin had been glowing. He just couldn't manage to fake it.
"He's just a fucking kid and he's going to hurt someone one of these days...being stupid!" JC said, adding his two cents into the conversation. Without comment, Joey stood from his chair and left the room, unwilling to listen to his friends talk about Justin. He didn't miss the unreadable glance that Lance gave him. He didn't miss it, but he didn't understand it, either.
Out in the hallway, Joey was just in time to catch Justin reentering his bedroom. Lonnie stood near the elevator, about ten feet from Justin's room, ever the silent guard. He watched as Justin disappeared into the recesses of his bedroom and shut the door behind him. Joey must've lost track of time because suddenly Lonnie was standing in front of him, concern in his large, dark eyes.
"...okay?" he heard. Joey nodded numbly because he was okay and continued towards his own room. Lonnie's knowing eyes followed him until he was safe in his room. He pulled the shades closed and turned off all of the lights. It had become habit for him to do this every day...after breakfast he'd close himself off completely to the world. It was the only time of the day that he didn't feel tired...or feel like Joey Fatone, Jr. He just felt like Joe during his 'quiet time' and feeling like Joe was a good thing, in his opinion. It kept him sane, anyway. More often than not, his thoughts would drift to Justin during this 'quiet time'. He didn't mind his thoughts drifting that way, but sometimes he would try to stifle them. Joe knew that nothing good would ever come of them...'flights of fancy', he called them. But stifling them made him feel a bit guilty, like he wasn't being true to himself, so he tried not to do it often.
Most people would agree that Joey Fatone, Jr., didn't have a romantic bone in his body. The women he dated would invariably be put off by his lack of romantic notions, but Joe...Joe was a romantic at heart. He could tell by his thoughts during his 'quiet time'. He wanted to wine and dine Justin, damn if he didn't. He wanted to buy the younger man roses, blood red roses and profess his undying love...even Joey Fatone would scoff at that. Joe wanted to buy Justin whatever his young, fickle heart wanted. He wanted to make sweet love to him beneath a starry sky. That's pretty much what he thought of during his 'quiet time', and the irony wasn't lost on Joe. The same thing that helped him to keep his sanity was the very thing that made him think he was going insane.
"Joey! Let's get a move on, man!" Chris's shout was easily heard through the solid hotel room door, startling Joey enough so that his heart started to hammer in his chest. He quickly stood and flipped the lights back on, his eyes stinging at the intrusion of light. Joey had packed already and he took one last sweeping look at his room before leaving it empty, looking as though no one had stayed there at all.
"Hurry up, Joey. We're going to be late," Lance said from near the elevator. As he approached the younger man, he could feel Lance's eyes on him and he looked up quickly, hoping to catch Lance staring. And he did catch him staring, but Lance didn't seem to care. His large green eyes were completely unreadable and Joey wondered how he did that. It almost looked like there wasn't a thought in the blonde's head, but Joey knew differently, knew that Lance was full of observations and thoughts that he wouldn't share with anyone. As much as they liked to pretend that they were five of the closest buddies on the face of the earth, they weren't, and Lance was the best example of that. Lance was a good actor...a damn good actor. No one really knew Lance, but it wasn't for a lack of trying on their part...Lance just didn't share. The others had gotten used to it, but Joey still wasn't sure why Lance wouldn't share his life with them, and it bothered him more than just a little.
They shared a bus, the two of them, and Joey didn't know what Lance thought about clowns or GoldFish or photo shoots or anything because Joey just didn't know. He knew that kind of stuff about the other guys. He knew that JC hated clowns because one had snuck up behind him when he was a kid and scared the shit out of him. He knew that Justin loved GoldFish, especially the real little ones because then he could throw them in the air and catch them with his mouth--a sight that never failed to fascinate Joey. Joey knew that Chris despised photo shoots because he hated to have his picture taken, he always had, although he had kind of gotten used to them by now. But Joey didn't know shit about Lance. He prided himself on being a likeable kind of guy. Lance often made him feel like he wasn't so likeable, but they shared a bus together anyway, because evidently Joey was the only one of the guys that Lance liked just enough.
The day passed slowly, hours dragging by as Joey watched TV at the back of the bus and Lance did whatever he usually did to pass the time...FreeLance stuff, Joey guessed. That's how it usually was on the Joey/Lance bus and Joey would eventually become so bored that he would watch movies he'd seen a billion times, over and over again, praying that he'd see something that he'd missed the first time. It usually worked if he had only seen the movie a few times, but by the billionth time he could recite them line for line. It never really occurred to him that he could go talk to Lance to pass the time. He just assumed that the younger man wanted his space. So that was why it was a surprise when Lance stepped into the back of the bus and sat down next to Joey on that particular day. All Joey could do was look at him in surprise, his mouth hanging open.
"I was bored," Lance said, as if that explained everything, and Joey supposed it did. "What are we watching?"
"Dazed and Confused," Joey replied, still wary of Lance's presence. Lance wrinkled his brow a bit.
"Never seen it." Joey just gaped at him.
"You've never seen Dazed and Confused?! Man, it rocks! Nothin' like the seventies, man. Nothing like the seventies!" Lance just looked at him and Joey saw humor reflected in Lance's crystal eyes, an emotion that he rarely saw in Lance's eyes.
"The seventies? Joey, you were just a few years old when the seventies ended." Joey shrugged.
"This movie still rocks. It's all about George Washington and his weed," he said with a quick grin.
"WHAT? George Washington didn't grow weed!" Lance replied his expression shocked--almost scandalized--and Joey watched him in fascination. This really was the first time he'd heard Lance talk about something other than *N Sync. In five years.
"He did if you're really high, I guess. The soundtrack rocks." Lance fell silent after that, his attention focused wholly on the movie. They didn't speak although Joey was completely aware of Lance by his side throughout the movie. As the credits started to roll, Lance turned to look at him.
"What was the point of that?"
"'Dunno, but you enjoyed it, didn't you?" Joey asked, watching Lance's face curiously. Lance shrugged and stood to his feet.
"Thanks, Joe," he said softly before disappearing through the door. Joey could've sworn he heard a faint, "Alllriighhttt, alllriighhttt, alllriighhttt," echo through the hallway, as drawn out and southern as Matthew McConaughey had done it.
/'What the fuck was that all about?'/ Joey thought to himself as he set the VCR to rewind the tape. He made his way to the front of the bus, Lance's part of the bus, intent on figuring out what the hell had gotten into his bandmate. Lance was sitting at the kitchen table, his back to Joey. Lance's back stiffened as Joey cleared his throat and slowly turned around to face the older man.
"What?" he asked, his glasses framing expressionless eyes. When Joey didn't reply, only stared at Lance intently, the man at the table sighed and turned back around to face his laptop. Joey didn't know where to start or what to ask, so he frowned at the back of Lance's head and turned around. He wanted to lose himself in another mindless movie for another two hours...a real stupid one where he didn't have to think about anything at all. "Do you want to talk about him?" Joey whirled around, sure that he was hearing things.
"What did you just say?" Lance sighed heavily again before turning to face Joey. He pulled off his glasses and set them on the table.
"Do you want to talk about Justin?" Joey could only gape at him. He knew he looked like a large fish struggling for air, but at the same time this was Lance asking him if he wanted to talk about Justin.
"What about him?" Joey asked, his poor heart beating a million miles a minute. His voice took on an air of defensiveness and he cursed himself inwardly because he knew that Lance noticed. Evidently, Lance noticed a lot of things.
"Have a seat, Joe." Lance waved a hand in the air towards the opposite side of the table before turning his back on Joey once again. He felt like he was being ushered into a shrink's office. With numb legs he moved forward until he fell into the seat across from Lance. They were both silent for a moment, Lance studying him closely and Joey trying desperately to avoid his piercing green eyes. "You've got it pretty bad...too bad he's straight."
"Shut the fuck up. What would you know about it?" Joey bit out, suddenly angry that Lance assumed so much. Fuck if he wasn't right, though, and that thought made Joey angrier. Lance's lips pulled into a sort of half grimace, half smile.
"You give yourself away, Joey. You're too expressive." Joey frowned. "This morning it looked like you were about to cry." He refused to just sit and listen to this. He had his own space on the goddamn bus.
"Fuck you, Lance. Forget about us ever being friends!" Joey exclaimed as he jumped up and practically ran to the back. He felt like he was back in third grade after saying that last line, but he hadn't known what to say...still didn't know what to say. Obviously if Lance ever wanted to be his friend, he would have made the effort a long time ago, like five years ago. And that had absolutely nothing to do with what Lance had been talking about in the first place...he'd been talking about Justin. /'Fuck.'/ Joey felt his face flush at how he reacted, but damn if he'd go back in there and apologize. /'Fuck Lance,'/ Joey thought with a frown as he slammed a random movie into the VCR and fell to the floor. /'Fuck him and fuck Justin too!'/
Copyright 2001 nsajscgirl. All rights reserved.
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