Out of Rhythm Part 5: Unsure of what I feel
The events and people you are about to be read are only work of fiction and just a product of my imagination. Any similar events are extremely coincidence and not a proof of copying.
Two weeks after. -Xander
I jumped as I heard my phone rang! I looked up on it with flickering eyes. Damn it, who the hell is this? Oh right now I remember......
"Hey duffus! Wake up!" He said with aloud tone.
"Jacob, God...." I answered in irritating voice.
"Looks like someone didn't sleep early. Jumped off your bed, It's your first day of school and -----"
I hung up. I looked at the clock, It was 6:00 am. Damn I hate this hour.
I saw my mom waving her hands beside my school. I came to here.
"Hey mom!" I said kissing her cheeks.
She handed me a pack of box then hugged me. I pretended to suffocate. "Oh don't give me that acting careers, I made your clubhouse as I promise, you better eat it all mister or I swear I'll make you bald." She threatens with a smile.
"As if I have a choice." I said. She raised her eyebrow. "Anyway I have to go or I'll be late, thanks mom." I hugged her again then kissed her cheeks a couple of times. She laughed.
"I love you son." God I missed those words.
"I love you too mom" I said back with a huge grin in face. "Take care on work." I said walking away without turning back.
"You too."
I know what you're thinking, you see things happened fast. At first, I was really pissed with my mother and next thing I know we are at this restaurant sitting in front of each other quietly.....
*flashback
"So how are you?" My mom said breaking the silence. I didn't respond. She then started sobbing covering her mouth with her hands.
"Please stop crying." I whispered lowering my head. She grabbed my hand staring me those watery eyes. I looked back. "I'm so sorry son, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let you down. I should have understood you what you've been through was so hard and I felt a worthless mother, I'm not there when you needed me most. I turned you down without thinking clear. I was so consumed with my personal feelings and what others will think about our family."
I looked away trying to fight the tears. But it still fall down, though. God, I hated my mother to cry. I was somehow used when my mom cry about dad's mistress issue. But to cry for me, I almost felt it was my fault.
"I love you so much. And now I understand how hard you've been through---"
"Mom you have no idea." I snapped. She looked back in so much pain. I have to confess it to her. "Do you know that I ate garbage when I have left?" She was shocked. " I've done something I never thought I could..... I sell myself with some pervert people in exchange of some bucks. I have nothing when I left that house. And you have no idea how hard to face myself in the mirror after what happened. I've been so dirty." I was breaking down.
"I'm so sorry son, I didn't know." Mom was crying hard like I died. I can feel her sorrow. "This was all my fault, you're so young to be left alone. I'm so sorry I have no face to show you." She stood up then about to storm out.
I grabbed her arms then embrace her with all force. She hugged back crying on my shoulder. "I love you so much son. I'm so sorry."
"I love you too mom." I just embrace her. "I forgive you..."
I don't know what to do that time. I mean, All I wanted was my mother to cuddle me, to make me feel good, to take all those pain away. "Mommy's here. And I swear to God I will never live you again." I felt a hundred times better after that made up. I mean, there is no point of being a stone hearted if you know to yourself that it's what your heart speaks. I have no power to turn my back when it comes to my mother. I'm this type of guy that when someone ask forgiveness which she/he really mean, I will give it. Boy how wrong I was....
Mom helped me enroll in my last year. With her financial support, I wasn't able to use my savings. She suggested that I saved the money Kyrian and I earned to a more important things. She was patching things with dad so I could come home. Not that I want to get back. I have learned to be independent. I just don't want to see my father that's all.
I put the food inside my bag as I enter. At least I have lunch later and I don't have to buy stuffs. Ah the smell of school. Xander Hummelford is back to St. Marks, I wanted to yell that. Then before I know, Brian bumped me hard I almost fell.
"Hey watch it jerk!" I scolded.
He looked back furiously. "Of you talking back now fag?" He said walking to me.
"Make another step dork and I will put my fist on your ass." Kyrian hissed walking between us.
Brian laughed. "Guess I can take down two queers."
Kyrian scratched his chin smiling. He was losing his patience now. "Ha, okey so here's how we gonna break it down, two choices. You stay here and I'll shove one of your balls on your butt-crack, left or right that's your choice" That's kind of a turn on to me. "OR you can GO and live like a douche bag another day. And also I heard rumors that a football jock is sneaking around checking on someone's packages on their locker room. Uh huh, that's right what you heard."
Brian got paled then walked away.
Kyrian turned. I had a huge grin in my face."I could have handle that." He then shoved his arms around my neck. "Hey you know it's more fun when doing it together."
"So we're classmates now. I'm so excited." Brittany cheered.
"Errr, Xan and I were repeaters right? So you know the drill." Kyrian said. "But hey what's our first subject?"
"History!" Brittany said making a funny face.
"I wish I shouldn't have asked." Kyrian said. We laughed.
"So welcome seniors." Mr. Kelly said. "It seems like I could smell people whom I am going to pass this year. But, of course that depends on your grades. So, I have here lists of outlines-----"
"Well that doesn't make any sense. How can he know who's going to pass if it all depends on our grades. He's not a sorcerer or something." I murmured.
"Oh stop of your ingenious skeptical." Kyrian said beside me.
"Hey buddy don't you think Mr. Kelly's hot?" Brittany said low in my back.
"Not in every inch." I said. We lightly laughed.
Someone then knocked on the door. "Well Good Morning, I was wondering if this is the room for Politics History." The guy said. My heart went to stop when I saw those green brown eyes again.
"Oh you must be the new transferee. Yes this is. Students, I want you to give a warm welcome to Michael Renzo Hudson."
-Renz
I saw him. I was right, he is studying here. I know I made the right choice. He was with his so called bestfriend and the hot lady back on the bar. I was getting nicked off with my old school so I decided to transfer on other school. Coincidence? No, I was really planning to see Xander here. Last two weeks was a disaster. He really caught me with our deal. But to be honest, we made a tiny mistake, he actually made a mistake. You'll see later on.
I saw him fell his jaw when he saw me. It's like he was constipated at the same time. "Well, where do I put you on." Mr Kelly said, scanning around for my chair. At the exact moment I saw Xander put his bag on the empty chair beside him. I felt disappointed, obviously he doesn't want me to be near him.
"Ah right move Mr. Hummelford." Mr. Kelly said. "You can go right beside him Mr. Hudson." I then fought for a smile while he rolled his eyes. Damn, he's so adorable. I walked pass other people as I saw them checking on me. I didn't care I was sitting with Xander. I flashed a huge grin as I sat next to him. He didn't bother to look at me.
"Here we go." I heard his best friend said teasing.
The class went pretty boring. It was all just instructions and introduction, not that I give too much attention. I can't help but to keep on checking Xander who is seem dead still, not moving on his seat. When the bell rang, He was the first one to rush outside.
I followed.
"Hey Xander!" I called out.
He turned. "Hey Richie Faggy." He greeted back. It was quite annoying to hear. "Why on the hell are you hear?"
"Okay, first top, I paid for my tuition so It really doesn't matter. Secondly, you can't call me like that anymore."
"And why is that so?" He said with arrogance.
"Well you see, I kept hearing the song that played when you are seducing me--" "No I'm not." He interfered. "Yes you are. And I found out that it runs 3 minutes and fourty four seconds. I kissed you for ten seconds right before the song ends. So I kinda win." I explained with a smirk.
He looked annoyed and shook his head.
"Hey!" The blonde lady said together with Xander's BF. "I'm Brittany Fischer by the way, Xander's friend." She said offering her hand. Jeez her hand was so soft.
"Man, Kyrian Stone" His BF said offering his hand. I shook it manly. "Xander's best friend. So are you my buddy's boyfriend?" I was taken aback by his question. The boy was sure prank but funny. I felt uneasy with those words, though.
"No he is a friend of mine too."
"I didn't say that." He said coldly. "Are you really out of your mind? What are you plotting now?" He then turned back and walked away. Kyrian and Brittany followed.
"Catch you later dude." Kyrian waved.
-Xander
"What you did earlier is so not cool buddy." Kyrian said.
"Yeah, I think he likes you, the way he speak was so nice, gentle and cute and he's body was awesome as in hotter than Hell. I almost strip off in front of him." Brittany said.
I didn't care what they say, I just close my eardrums and focused on my own perception. They have no idea who that guy is. Do I either? But all I know is he is a pervert guy who likes to fool around people who he had an eye to. But today, the way I saw him sitting beside him made me feel like I wanted to go to school every single seconds of it. Kyrian then bumped me.
"Wha-what?" I snapped.
"Hey dude, are you okay. You are so consumed by Renz, are you?"
"No!" I tensed shaking my head. He then appeared nowhere beside us.
"Hey is the seat taken?" Renz said politely appearing from. "Yes I believe it is." I quickly replied.
"By who Mr.-wary-kid?" Kyrian said.
"With our ghost friends. I don't want them to get pissed so SCRAM!!!" I shot at him.
"Oh don't you take his words." Brittany said you can take the seat. You're new right? So welcome to our little circle."
He smiled with a huge adoration in his face. I was so turned on right now. I tried to hide it though.
This will be so interesting....
Two weeks had turned and it seems Renz developed a good friendship with Brittany and Kyrian. We get to hangout and ditch once and it even drove them to deeper closure. I kept my distance to him though. But to be honest the more the day passes the more I wish it will not end. And he kept on approach me despite that I ignore him.
I was running on with all my power towards my room. I was twenty minutes late. My work every noon then my last class every afternoon was making me nuts. I ponytailed my hair before entering the room, sweats gush down my face. I let myself enter then walked right through my seat. I wished that they won't notice me. Guess they didn't, I saw almost all girls tensed up as if they saw statue of liberty walking for the first time. I felt uneasy. Renz was there, his eyes were crawling on my body up and down. I almost smiled.
"Mr. Hummelford, You grace us with your presence. What a way to greet us." The fat old teacher said. "I was just.." He tried to explain. "You were just doing some random stupid teenage thing and clearly education is not on the top of your menu."
He lowered his head in defeat.
"Hey leave him alone will you?" He said standing up. "Why Mr. Hudson, you have something to say?" She raised her chin. "Yeah, you're being a bitch, he was late so what, it's not like you never been late on your life." He was in furious and I felt the tension inside the room. "That's none of your business." She said. "Hypocrite, that what you are." He added.
"And you will be in detention, both of you." I sat down that was wow.
I looked at him. His face was soft and soothing. "What was that for?" I mouthed. He smiled contented.
"Thanks, I guess" I said. I felt terrible; it was like as if it was my fault and I made a mistake of jumping conclusions about him. We are facing each other with our seats. "You acted as if you cared." I said sarcastic."I am, I get so upset when she was yelling at you , as if she knows what is going on with your life."
Jeez, don't fall for it. "Thanks. That was really nice. Although, we ended up here." I reminded. It got quiet then he bumped my legs with mine then flashed a huge grin. I bumped back. We laughed.
"You look sexy with those tiny ponytail by the way." He said mesmerizing my face. "Stop, have you forget about your girlfriend?" I reminded him. He leaned on his seat. "What I can't think my friend is sexy?" He replied. I should do this more often I try to hid my smile.
"You are so in trouble Renzo Hudson." I said.
"I don't care Xander Hummelford." He said leaning closer. Oh fuck my inhibitions; I was about to lean for a kiss but decided not to. I hate this feeling. He held my cheeks caressing me softly. I looked away, biting my lips to keep away from my never ending smiles.
"So what do you want for your birthday?" He asked. "It's two weeks from now."
"How did you know it?" I asked unbelievably. "I sort of know everything." He said. "I know why don't we go to my condo? I have something to give you."
I raised one of my eyebrow looking at him skeptically. "No nothing malicious, It's really something I wanted to give you." I nodded in contentment of his answer.
-Renz
He sat on my sofa measured like he was before as if he was sitting on a glass that will break any moment. I laughed walking straight to the kitchen, He followed. "What so funny?" He said a little annoyed.
"You seat as if you'll going to break something. Come on make yourself comfortable."
"Well that's hard to debate to." I started preparing some ingredients for my dish. "What are you doing?" He asked. "Cooking, silly." "No I have food back at my apart---" "Hey I insist. So will you seat back and shut up." He didn't argue back. Towards the whole session, He and I talked about stuffs and funny things mostly. I wanted to grab the opportunity to know him more. Often times, I saw him staring at me and I stared back, he will broke our gaze then turned red. He was these wild strong face yet adorable and tamed at the same time, if you know what I mean. We started to eat the pasta I cooked. He said it was delicious, of course it was. I saw that Xander wasn't fighting himself from talking to me anymore. He was comfortable and I wanted it to be like that.
"So what do you want for your birthday?" I asked. "It's two weeks from now"
"I don't know," He shrugged. "I mean, I have 18 birthdays, I don't think I wanted more presents."
"Dude you sounded like an old depressed lady." We laughed.
"So how is it like?" He pondered my words then get what I meant. "To be gay?" He confirmed. I nodded. "I don't know exactly, you see there are classes of gays" He said. I laughed with his excuse. He laughed too. "I mean there are typical gays, you know, the one that our dads are so scared off. The one that looked like a clown and then there are like me, the out that proclaimed I am gay but didn't turn out to dress like a girl. It's complicated you know, It's like our only difference to straight like you is that we like the same gender and you are the opposite." I shrugged. "Why? Do you plan to play on our team?" He teased. I nodded no, disturbed.
"You really are brave, I mean to be not scared of your secrets you know, there's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Well yeah, but all this things have a great changes in your life, like a tsunami after an earthquake."
"Like what you are right now?" He said softly. "How did you manage to stay like that? I mean, How did you start."
He was quiet. I shouldn't have asked. "It was hard, I have nothing you know," He said. "You don't think in a couple of months, I can afford to have an apartment without making any magic. I tried eating garbage when I was starving to death. I also need money----" He paused fighting for the tears not to fall, I held his hand tight "Stop you don't have to tell anything." "No, so you have to know what I really am. To get some money I let someone use me. I used my body but of course it was limited. I can only do blow jobs and jerking off nothing more. But it was still dirty. I felt dirty like hell. But hey that's life. And when I met you, I thought you were one of them. I felt dirty once more." I got off my seat then hugged him hard. "I'm sorry I didn't know, I'm so sorry"
"I'm sorry too." He breathed on my shoulder.
We parted. "Oh hell, I feel like a drama king." He said. We laughed. I stood up and got to cabinet. I grabbed my locker then took a silver necklace with a Ruby stone on the pendant. I went to Xander's back then clipped on his neck.
"Hey Renz, I can't have that I probably sell it on a pawnshop." I love his sarcastic attitude.
"No, I want you to have it. Until then if I didn't gave you anything on your birthday, you should have it. My mom gave that to me before she died. She said to me that when I have someone important or special, I should give it to that person. You are sort of important so I am lending it to you." He looked at me with those surprised eyes.
"I can't give it to my dad. He only see me as an equipment, the one who will run his company when he can't anymore. I don't want to be alone like him" I didn't noticed a tear fall down. Xander wiped it.
"Hey, you're not alone." I stare at those dark brown eyes then leaned in for a kiss. I lapped my mouth on his. He tensed but kissed back. I felt myself buckle down. He felt so good in me. I let my tongue in, he responded. Xander grabbed my hair rubbing it as he explores my back. I went for a slow passionate kiss. I hear him moaned. I started to feel my cock swell. He grind his cock on mine and I was in bliss. We parted and he took off his shirt, He helped me unbuttoned my polo while he kiss me. I grabbed both of his legs then scooped it on my waist. He wrapped it then I walked on my bed. I lay on top of him grinding his crotch. We are both hard as rock but something was different we aren't that aggressive, We just enjoying ourselves kissing. It was not lustful but sensual.
I broke the kiss then started sucking his neck. "Oh my---" He gasped. I went deeper and started massaging that smooth chest. I really can't believe I am here again honoring this gorgeous body. I licked and sucked his nipples vigorously. He breathed hard every suction I make. I unbuttoned his pants then took it all off as I licked his abs. His cock was tenting on his white boxers. I let it free then kissed the head of his cock.
He grabbed my head then looked at me. "You don't have to." He said. "I wanted to" I said then put his cock on my mouth. "Oh yeah Renz." He moaned rolling his head back. I wanted to please him. I wanted to feel that he was really important.
I sucked his cock trying to take all the way in. But I gagged. I guess I'm not that good like he was. He looked like he liked it though because he can't keep his breath steady and kept moaning. I took off my pants and boxers as I sucked Xander and jerked it a little. He grabbed my head then thrust a little. I was taking almost all of his cock now. "Oh sweet boy, you're taking all of it." He said in ecstacy. "I'm gonna cum."
I then broke the sucking then kissed him vigorously, lying on top of him grinding our both naked cocks. "You felt so good on me baby." I said without breaking the kiss. He moaned then grabbed my cock. Xander guided it until it touches his hole. I broke the kiss. "Do you want to?" I asked. "Yes." He said in his breath. I thrust slowly avoiding him to get hurt as I enter. My head popped in and he cringed in pain. I stopped. He looked at my wary eyes then kissed me again. I thrust a little more and little I know I was all the way in. We were both breathing hard. I don't know why we stopped being vocal but it was sure sensual. All you can hear was the wet kissing, moaning and the fucking sound. I started to make a pace but not aggressive. Hell I may not even call it a fuck because it was so slow. We are savoring the moment of our fucking. I thrust harder but keeping the pace while never breaking the kiss. Then one of the thrust made him buckle up. "ahhh." He said in satisfaction. I thrust it again and he was shaking. I knew I was hitting his prostate. "You felt so good in me." Xander said looking up. I grabbed his legs then wrapped it on my waist as I stroke his wavy hair. "And you feel great inside."
This was not just fucking because it was so passionate. I guess this is what they called love making.
I felt my ball tighten "Baby I'm about to cum." I said He kissed me hard then embraced me. Then I felt his ass tighten. I thrust harder and there were squeaking sound in my bead. Sweats falling down our body. "Renz I'm cumming too, Ahh yeah your cock felt great." His ass gripped hard around my raging cock that sends me over the edge. "Ah yea dude I'm cumming too, yes baby take it all." I thrusted hard and jet after jet of cum explode inside his ass and I felt his cock explode under our hard stomach. I felt like a heaven in satisfaction.
When we are done, I lay on my back. He wrapped his arms around my hard firm chest. He snagged on my neck then fell asleep. I kept stroking his shoulder with my fingers. That intense sex sure spends most of his energy. I savoured the moment of him around me. The he moaned. I chuckled.
"I love you." He said in his dream he was almost smiling.
I turned pale.
"Oh god, Xander loves me." I felt very uncomfortable. Yeah I know I fooled around with him. And he was really an important guy to me. But I never wanted to get to the point of a relationship. I mean I am not gay. And I love Trisha, I think. Do I? I was not ready with this. I mean, there's nothing going on or is it that I just deny it. I want normalcy. I unwrapped slowly his arms off me and he turned to his side. I stood up then started to think. This has to stop.
-Xander
One week later and Renz have been completely distant. He seldom come over our usual seat and made some friends with other people. When he was around he didn't talked to me. I even sometimes felt like he was disgusted to me. I felt terrible.
"Hey you've been day dreaming again duffus!" Kyrian snapped. "Huh what?" I said.
"Yeah I know he's avoiding us" Kyrian sighed.
"I noticed that too." Brittany said a little annoyed. "What's his problem."
That's because of me. He finally realize what we are doing is wrong. I knew this would end up fast. Why did I have to expect? But whatever it was, if he realizes that we only fool around then I have to talk to him. We have to end it. That's what this is all about. We just have good times. Then I saw Renz enter the hall of the cafeteria. He was with that girl back on the McDonalds.
That answers the puzzle. I looked away as they started to snag each other. Why do I felt heavy? We met gaze when He caught me looking. Renz suddenly kissed the girl.
"Hey if I'm not mistaking, That's Trisha Kennedy. I heard she's a total bitch." Brittany said in disgust tone.
"Leave it buddy." Kyrian patted as he saw my reaction.
"Hey guys I got to go." I said standing up. "I have to study for the quiz tomorrow." I stood up and walked away. I felt betrayed. When I was in the locker room I fixed my books absently. I shook my head, closed my locker then walked to my next class. I suddenly bumped on a guy. I was so clumsy.
"I'm sorry." I said picking up my things. He helped me. When I looked up, I saw one of the most adorable teenage faces I saw in the history of St. Marks. He had these deep brown eyes almost black, Flawless light faces, amusing smiles and Wavy brown hair almost like mine. I know him he was that guy checking me out on the bar.
"There you go." He said handing me my book. "Hey, I think I saw you. Are you that great dancer on the crazy bar who move like there's no tomorrow?" He said with a smile.
"At A-Venue?" I confirmed. He nodded. "Yeah I guess I'm that person who moves like there's no tomorrow." We chuckled. "And you're that one who stalks me like a killer" I joked. He blushed though. Jeez he's so gorgeous.
"Florence Campbell. But you can call me Floren for short." He said offering his hand.
"Xander, Xander Hummelford." We shook hand. "So where are you heading?" "Well I have class at room 175, but I'm lost." He said. "Your new here? " He nodded. "Well what a coincidence, Let me guess, Math right?"
His face lifted. "Oh great, is that mean we're classmates?" "Guess we are." I nodded then walked together. Floren I like his name.
-Renz
I looked back and Xander was gone. I scanned around but he was nowhere to be found. I didn't like this feeling, the feeling that I lost someone. I haven't talked to him and that's because he said he loved me. I can't love him back. It's not normal and being Trisha is, I was surprised that he transferred here to be with me. I took the opportunity of getting my attention away from Xander. Wrong. I just can't get him off my head. He is gay and I am not. And if others learn about this, they will freak out. Yes, he is important but being with him in a relationship is something more. And I don't want that. We only fooled around, a little experiment. He was right I should have stopped earlier now I'm hooked up with thoughts that I can't simply ignore. I don't want to be with him, an excuse that made everything complicated something that I think I was just denying to myself.
I saw Kyrian came. "Hey you see Xander." I asked Kyrian. He glared. "Dude what you are doing is so not cool." He said. "I'm not stupid so stop it now before everything gets pretty messy." Then he walked away.
I stared blankly.
So how was it? It's the 5th installation of the series and it'll be deeper next chapter.
And guys I'm sorting out some suggestions and I want to know what do you want me to do with the new guy Floren? Comments and suggestions are also open just email me at discreetlyweird@yahoo.com . Bad comments are most welcome. Stay tuned guys ^_^