"Outed, Day 2"
Brett came by and picked me up at 7 o'clock in the morning. We had decided that if we made it to school just as the first bell rang, maybe we could avoid the confrontation we were expecting. If we were really lucky, only the football team and coach would know. But luck didn't seem on our side at the moment, so we braced ourselves as he pulled into the parking lot. We both sat in the car and stared towards the entrance to the school. Nothing looked different. Students were entering the building, most rushing because of the time.
"Now you promised me you weren't going to get into any fights." Brett turned and spoke to me as I continued to look towards the school. "We'll just have to suck it up and take whatever they say Brent. As long as we have each other, it really doesn't matter what anyone says. Are you listening to me??"
"I'm listening. I will not stand by and let them hurt you Brett. I won't." I looked at him with fire in my eyes. I hadn't told him about my father's phone call to the coach. I still couldn't believe it myself, and I figured that Brett didn't need to know how bad it had gotten at home. "As long as no one touches either of us, then I won't touch them. But one finger, and I'm breaking it. We'll see how bold they are too, when one of them calls me a fag, or queer to my face and they walk away missing some teeth." Brett's eyes narrowed as I spoke to him.
"Lets skip school. We don't have to go today. Maybe we should give it a day and let it sink in. Maybe they'll remember who YOU are and accept it. You're no different than yesterday or the day before. Maybe if they think for a day, they'll remember that. What do you think? Think we should skip?" Hope shined in his eyes and left as quickly when I opened my door.
"I won't run Brett. I'm through with hiding and playing a role. Come on. Your with me!" I closed the door and Brett got out of the car. We both started walking towards the entrance as casual as we could. Two girls were standing by the entrance as we approached. I knew them both, or at least I had seen them around the school. They looked at us and just continued whatever conversation they were involved in. I kept my eyes on them as we opened the door and walked into the commons area. It looked like an assembly. Groups of people were standing around and the chatter was almost deafening. I looked at my watch. It was 7:18. Two minutes before first bell.
I saw Shelby and Shelly standing just five yards in front of us. They were both looking at us, and then Shelby smiled at me. My heart started racing when I saw her smile and I knew I still had at least one friend, other than Brett. I looked at Brett and his eyes were downcast looking at the floor in front of us. He had a slight blush on his cheeks and I knew this was affecting him more than he had let on. I scanned the room and as more groups saw Brett and I, the chatter stopped and they just stared. So much for luck, I thought as I walked towards Shelby. Brett followed as if we were attached at the hip, but still didn't raise his eyes from the floor.
"So," Shelby said, "Does this mean you don't love me anymore? You know I tried to keep you satisfied. But there's only so much a girl can do." A broad grin spread across her face and she threw her arms around my neck. She whispered in my ear, "Everyone knows, Brent. Everyone." She kissed me on the cheek and moved to my right side. She took my hand in hers and locked our fingers together. We glared at the groups together.
"Hi Shelly," Brett said.
"Hello Brett, look at me." Shelly used her hand to raise Brett's chin and bring his eyes in contact with hers. He looked so scared I almost grabbed him in a hug to show him I was there still. I needed to comfort him. "We four will do this together. It may ruin us all, but we're going to do it." Her eyes shifted to Shelby and I knew Shelby was the leader of the two. I tightened my grip on Shelby's hand and she increased her pressure too. Brett simply nodded his head and returned to looking at the floor. If someone had dropped a pencil across the commons, you would have heard it hit the floor it was so quite. Then the bell rang, and like horses jumping from the shoots at a race, everyone started moving and talking at once. "I'll go with Brett, Brent." Shelly said to me.
"And you're with me stud." Shelby said. "Remember, we're the NBTL's."
"Brett, you come and find me if anything happens. I don't care when, even if I'm in a class, you come and get me. Do you understand?" I said this loud enough that 2/3rd's of the assembly heard me.
He nodded and I took my hand and lifted his chin. I looked in his eyes, "Promise me Brett. I want to hear the words."
"I...I promise Brent." Then I did it. What possibly possessed me at the moment, I don't know. Groups were still staring and talking. Shelby had my arm and Shelly Brett's. All we had to do was walk to our lockers and class. It was lunch when the next confrontation could occur. But I did it. I leaned forward and lightly brushed his lips with mine. This was my boyfriend and he needed me. I needed him. I needed to show him my determination. Shelby gasped at the same time that Shelly did. Brett's eyes opened as wide as saucers and he blushed to the top of his ears. Gasps and grunts ran through the assembly like a wave.
"I love you. I'll see you at lunch, but remember your promise." I looked at the groups and returned glare for glare. Shelby leaned in close to me and said, "Well, I know you love him, but couldn't you have waited, like, maybe five minutes more?"
I looked at her, "Not even one second more, Shelby. We ready?" I addressed our group. "Then lets go." I took the lead with Shelby on my right and Brett and Shelly close behind. I tuned my ears to catch every sound and process it as we walked through the commons. The effect of the kiss was stunned silence. I smiled. But the worst was yet to come.
With one last look between us, Brett and Shelly walked down the hall to where their lockers were located. I told Shelby to go to hers; I was ok and would see her at lunch. We hugged and she walked away. I took a deep breath and walked the hall to mine. I felt every eye in the hall on me and when I turned the corner, I spied my locker. No one was within reach of it, but it was decorated. When I got close enough to read the decorations, a furnace ignited in me. From a small flame it built into a raging inferno. Words like, "faggot"; "queer"; "fudge packer"; "cock sucker", and even a lame "homo" was scribed in the corner. I was on the verge of being consumed by my rage. I touched the cold metal of my locker with my hand and jerked it back. It felt as if I had touched dry ice, because of the heat in my hand. I turned my head to my left, then right. They were staring at me. Slowly and with methodical ease, I opened my locker and filled my backpack with my text for classes. The final bell sounded and I closed my locker and took one more look at the decorations, then I walked back down that hall to my first period class.
I walked in and took my seat. All eyes were on me as I opened my pack and took out my book and paper. I heard a snicker from behind and I jerked my head to see who dared. I was met with only staring eyes, without expression. I looked forward and met the eyes of my teacher. He looked nervous and I thought I saw a bead of perspiration travel along his temple, losing its self in his hairline. I sat, listened and thought. The teacher took control to begin the lesson, but I could still hear the rustling sound of whispering voices from around the room. I lost myself in thought. How could they? I gave my all to my school. I never shucked my duties or responsibilities as a student, athlete or more importantly, a friend. My friends always got my undivided attention and support. My peers received whatever aide they asked of me, which I gladly gave because of the support I received from them. Where was their support now? I tuned out the world. I guess I'll find out who my real friends are soon enough. I scanned the room and was surprised by some of the looks of sympathy from peers I had never noticed before. Their eyes blinked away after the merest contact, but I still received the benefit.
I walked into my second period class and took my seat. I repeated the process of retrieving my book and papers from my pack. I was rewarded with the same stares and whispering I endured earlier. Ms. Trisdale was my English teacher. I looked at her and found support in my teacher's eyes. Not simple sympathy, but eyes set with a determined look. As the hour progressed, she lost control of the other students and had no choice but to ask me to go to my house principles office. Defeat shown in her eyes, but a spark remained of her previous determination. I stood and gathered my things. As I reached the door, I spared one last look for my peers. I would not show defeat, "I'd like to thank you personally for the support. I'm sure I will have the opportunity to speak with EACH of you later to return the favor." Ms. Trisdale handed me the hall pass and I closed the door behind me.
When I walked into my house principal's office, his secretary spared a smile for me as she took the pass and read it. She used her phone and told Mr. Bass I was here. I had never met Mr. Bass. He was an unknown to me. I sat in the outer office and watched the secretary as she performed her tasks. She would pause and look at me, smile, and return to her work. The bell rang and she told me I could go. Mr. Bass never opened his door.
I joined the rush of students in the hall. A path was left for me to move easily to my destination. This wasn't unusual. I always had an easy path. I was a jock and a pop...once. I felt a hand grab my arm and I turned with my fist clinched and pulled back to deliver the blow to my offender. I met Steve's face and dropped my defense. "So I guess you know what happened now?" I said, "Don't worry Steve. Your reputation will remain in tact. I'm just sorry that I never had the strength to tell you myself." I pulled my arm from his grasp and continued my trek. I had to leave him, before I cried. I was going to miss him. He was a good friend. Another hand grabbed me and I whirled in defense.
"Fuck them! FUCK ALL OF YOU SONS OF BITCHES!" Steve yelled down the hall. "Don't you ever walk away from me you little shit. I haven't spent two years with you to end it because you would rather date me, than play basketball with me." A smile spread his lips and the top row of teeth showed as it reached the apex. "So what does Brett have that I don't?" Steve was talking extremely loud.
"A brain for starters," I said, "You better shut up or your going to become part of something you'll regret." What the HELL was he doing??
"FUCK ALL OF YOU FUCKERS!" He yelled again. "I'm a senior Brent," he addressed me again, "I don't care what anyone thinks. Fuck'em. All I care is that you're my friend and I...I," He looked to see who was standing close. "I love you. I don't want to fuck you, but I love you." He grinned. His words entered my ears and traveled to my brain. >From there a feeling moved along my chest and settled in my heart. I received such strength and power for those three words, I'm sure I seemed to grow in height to those who stood staring at Steve and I.
"Thank you Steve. You don't know how much that means to me. I don't deserve it, but I will accept it." He hugged me there in the hall and before he left me he said, "Just tell me whose ass I need to kick, I've got your back." And he was lost in the flow as I followed him with my eyes.
I turned and walked down the hall to my fourth period class. Four football players were in this class. Four of the guys who heard the coach drop those words on their shoulders. My seat in this class was center within their group. We were teammates after all. If you had drawn an X, each end would be a player, with me in the center. I walked to my seat. This was the confrontation I dreaded. The loss of respect from them was what was unbearable. A lump formed in my throat as I took my seat and they all turned to face me. I kept my eyes on the desktop, too scared to look at any of them. The bell rang and I never took my eyes from the desk. The teacher started the lesson. I never took my eyes from the desk. Then I blinked and opened my eyes wide as I looked at the desktop. I couldn't hear any whispering. No other sound or noise except the teacher talking to the class. I nervously rose my head just enough and looked at Chris. He was the player to my immediate left in the NW position. His head was moving in relation to his eyes, scanning his field of view. I looked where he scanned and noted nervous fidgeting from several guys within his line of sight. But they were silent. I turned my head and looked to Eric who was in the NE position. He mimicked Chris. I lowered my head and looked at Adam, SE and then Jim, SW. All four were running defense for me. As if their heads were attached to a taunt string connected to mine, as I raised my head up and sat erect, theirs swiveled and looked right at me. I looked at each and a smile was my reward.
Lunch arrived with the bell and my defensive team took position around me. I didn't say anything to them and they didn't say anything to me. We just walked to the cafeteria, where upon my arrival, I saw Brett at a table, with another football player in his face, causing Brett to have to lean back in his chair. The inferno I had felt earlier, exploded into a super nova. I ran across the commons, into the cafeteria and straight towards Brett. When I reached the table, I heard Jose say, "...your fucking fault, fag!" Without a thought I grabbed him with my right hand and drove his head into the table. The noise in the cafeteria muffled the sound of skull hitting wood, and Jose staggered from the impact. Brett fell back in his chair and my defensive team arrived. I was shaking with adrenalin and made a grab for Jose again. Chris surrounded me with his arms and drug me into his lap in a chair. Eric grabbed Jose, who was still dazed, at sat him in a chair. Adam was helping Brett up off the floor. Chris had me in a vice as I fought for freedom to finish beating Jose until he would not stand up again.
"STOP IT!!" Chris hissed into my ear. "Calm the fuck down before a teacher see's us!" Brett got up and came to the seat next to Chris and I. Chris looked at him and asked if he was ok.
"Yeah." He replied to Chris, and then turned to me. "Brent you promised me! He didn't touch me. He was just mouthing off!"
"If Chris would let me go, he'd have to try through a wired mouth once I get threw with him!!" I growled. Jose was recovered by now and my eyes were fixed on him. One good look at me and he was trying to stand up to exit the vicinity. Eric still had a hold of him, so he was caught. Derek came over to the table. He obviously saw the confrontation. Funny how the quarterback seems to run the jocks even when we aren't on the field. We all gave over to him. He was our leader.
"Listen up you assholes. This shit stops now." He alternated his looks between Jose and I. "One more fucking word out of your mouth Jose and I will beat the shit out of you and make sure you NEVER touch a fucking football or uniform as long as I'm here." Now it was my turn, "As for you Brent. Let him go Chris!" Chris hesitated, but seeing the look in Derek's eyes, he released his hold on me. I stood up and looked at Derek, eye to eye. "Come over here with me!" Derek grabbed my arm and pulled me along into a corner where no one could hear us. "You lay another hand on another player and the promise I made to Jose, I'll do the same to you." I raised my eyebrows at him and he grabbed the front of my shirt, " I may not be able to kick your ass, but I have lots of support and you can't whip everyone. I will make sure you get kicked off this team though. That I can promise." He stared me down until I lowered my head. He released my shirt and continued talking. "We all stayed after practice yesterday and had a meeting without the coach. Jose wasn't here yesterday, so he'll have to be straightened out." A smile touched his lips, "Well, wrong choice of word I guess. Look at me Brent!" I raised my head. "We don't care that you and Brett are...um...well..."
"In love." I offered
"Ok...in love. You both are part of this team and that makes you part of us. Did you think we were shocked and outraged at you and Brett being gay yesterday?" I nodded my head, "See, that's what you get for jumping up and running out. We were in shock and outraged that the COACH had the nerve to do that to you both." I started to ask him something and he answered my question before I could ask, "No we had no idea that you and Brett were...lover's. This is a weird conversation Brent. My tongue gets caught in my mouth when I talk about two guys being lovers. The point is we're a team. You're a vital part of this team and we need you. Let us work as a team and you'll have more support in a few days than you expected when you arrived this morning. But the fighting stops. If you get suspended, I withdraw my offer and I can convince the rest too also. Do we understand each other?"
"I won't let anyone hurt Brett, Derek. I'll give up football and every last one of you. No one is going to hurt Brett. As long as you understand that, then I guess we understand each other." Derek looked over to the table. I followed his eyes and my defensive team was running interference for Brett. Other players, who had come up after Derek pulled me away, were talking to Jose. Shelby and Shelly were also sitting at the table. I looked around the cafeteria and there was still groups looking at the table, then at Derek and I, then whispering and talking amongst themselves. It wasn't over by a long shot. But it was a start.
"Ok Brent. We have a deal. You hold to your fucking part and we'll hold to ours." Derek walked with me back to the table. "Brent understands now. He's going to keep his fucking hands to his self and Jose, your going to keep your fucking mouth shut." With that said, Derek stalked off to join his clique that was waiting for him at their table. Jose, Chris, Eric, Jim and Adam left too. The NBTL clique remained in attendance.
"You had to go and do it huh Brent?" Shelby said as I took a seat net to Brett.
"Yes I did Shelby. I sure the fuck did." I looked at Brett, "Are you ok?"
"I can't deal with this Brent. So far I've been called every name I've ever heard, and some that I'm still trying to figure out how they apply. You seem to be in control. How are you doing it?"
I took Brett's hands in mine and he jerked his head around to scan the tables around us. I took one hand and turned his face back to look at me. "First off, you need to stop that. We're a team, you and I. We don't care what anyone says about us as long as we have each other. Secondly, you're running a purely defensive front with no offense. Don't look like they already have you whipped. Stare them down. I know it's hard. I've already been sent to my house principal once today." Brett's eyebrows rose at this. "No I wasn't fighting. My English teacher couldn't control the whispering and shit, so she sent me out so she could. The guys on the team talked to you didn't they?"
"Yeah, I'm in shock still! I can't believe the way they're accepting this!"
"The point is they are. We're important to the team, so they're not dropping their support. We'll make it Brett. Just remember I love you and we'll make it." I wanted to kiss him, but I would press my luck a little to far by doing that. I turned and looked at Shelby and she had a knowing smile on her face. She pursed her lips in preparation for a kiss. I surprised her by jumping over to her and locking lips. "Let them try and figure THAT out!" We all laughed and tried to finish lunch amidst the continued stares and whispering floating around us.
The last three classes of the day didn't show any marked change from the first two I had. I did sit up straighter and exuded more confidence than I did in the morning.
I met Brett after school by the front entrance. I left the decorations on my locker. It was a symbol to me now. It would mark the day I came for battle and won some of the skirmishes, but lost a lot too. I grabbed Brett's hand in mine and I walked with him to the car. I never let go of his hand as we passed students leaving for the day. They stared, but woe is the fool to say anything to my face about it. Brett opened my door and then went to open his. I climbed in and when Brett settled in his seat and closed the door, I leaned over, took his head in my hand and pulled him to me. Our lips met in a kiss. I saw the temptation he had to look in all directions to determine who had witnessed our exchange. But he didn't look. A nervous smile and he started his car and we left the school. I watched him drive. When he dropped me off. I kissed him again.
"I love you Brett. I love you so much."
"I love you too Brent. With you to protect me...I think I could survive anything. Don't ever give up on me, ok?"
I laughed, "Until death lover. And then beyond!" I watched Brett drive away and through the gate. His break lights shown as he took the final curve in the road, where I lost sight of him. I turned to the front door. With a heavy sigh I opened the door and went in. I looked around as I walked to the stairs and up to my room. I had survived school and so had Brett. Was I going to survive at home though? I still hated my father and I vowed to keep my promise. I would never speak to him again. A father does not do that to his own child.
Comments and feedback can be sent to brent@cutey.com. It is not my intention to show Brett as weak in any way. He was the force in my life that kept me strong and allowed me to coup with the days of high school. I simply took the offensive role and would not allow anything to slip by me. I was fighting a battle of survival here, for us both. I never viewed the roles as dominant or submissive. We each gave the other what we needed. It's more than I ever expected and survives to this day. There's a bond between Brett and I that cannot be severed. We're friends first and foremost. I am who I am today because of him. If he ever reads this series, I would like him to know I could not love him anymore than I do today, even if we were still together. You are my best friend and I will leave this world, secure in the knowledge that you share my feelings. Thank you Brett. I love you.