So here's the next installment. Please feel free to send me comments and critiques. I'm trying to walk that fine line between erotica and smut. How am i doing? Pomegranite14@hotmail.com
Part 7
I am living a dream. Each moment with her seems elongated, and I think that maybe it is love. I wouldn't know, but I can hazard a guess.
When I return to my quarters each day, after rehearsal, or errands, or time spent with the Empress, there's a face waiting there that excites me to no end. A golden face attached to a soft golden body. Sometimes the golden one accompanies me to the City, where we attend uncharacteristically sophisticated galas and performances. We cruise the exotic markets, and dance to horns, tambourines and lutes on the street corners. Long fingers intertwined with mine. Long lashes on my cheek. Long nights of rain from which to hide under the blankets, each body a furnace-like vortex. It must be love. What else can you call this? Lust is the absolute wrong word. There's so much more...
Today the Empress calls on me, and I realize that I haven't a clue how much time has elapsed since our last visit. A blur. All I can think is a golden blur.
Her hair is shining grandly in the winter sunshine, done up in an elaborate sailor's knot high on her head. She has so many layers of robes on, at first glance I think she's much larger than the truth of her petite frame. On the veranda we can see our breath in the air, but we don't mind. Hot tea, and the option of the heated interior palace is enough for now. There's mischief in her eyes as she examines me mutely through the steam rising from the teacup held to her lips.
"Something's different about you today..."
I squirm a little,and grin. "You haven't called me in a while. I need a haircut."
"Hmm. Maybe. It looks pretty. I wouldn't cut it."
"Is that an Imperial order?" We both laugh, and she shakes her graceful head.
"But really, what are you glowing about?"
I groan, "Glowing? Give me a break. Glowing is for pregnant women. I most certainly do not glow. "
I'm speaking in a jocular tone, but I'm praying that she's not going to pursue this. Luck is never on my side. I should know that by now. She's gazing at me with lips pursed and eyes narrowed.
"No... there's something... Saskia, are you... do you have a..." The blush in her pretty cheeks is very becoming. I have to save her from her own embarrassment.
"A lover? Yes, yes I do."
She sighs enviously in response to my grinning statement. "Who is it? It's that friend of yours isn't it? Isaac? He IS handsome."
I have to laugh. I haven't decided if I will tell her or not. Illicit encounters with your Attendant are at the least, frowned upon. At the most, if things get too complicated, the Palace staff will split up the happy couple. I've seen it done. I've never understood if it was a class issue, or something to do with employee/employer relations... But with Joelle, it doesn't seem to matter. There's no difference between us, we stand on equal ground. She's very powerful, in a way I can't define. The impending separation at the end of the contract has hardly come into consideration. We still have months to go. Why worry about the future, when the present is so... perfect? We're careful around the palace staff, not to let on, though sometimes we sneak into the gardens at night to walk arm in arm.
All this slips out, under the Empress' wide-eyed scrutiny. She's so curious, sweet and lovely, and I really can't deny her anything. She asks shy questions about the sex, eyes lowered demurely, but sparkling all the same, and I answer as frankly as I can. Half to indulge her, and half to satisfy my need to babble adoringly on the favourite topic of my new lover.
Her interest is flattering, and she says that we must make a beautiful couple. I can't help but agree. I also realize with a shock that this divine woman must be a virgin.
"Empress, have you ever... you know. Made love?" I can't help but ask. She answers readily, with a propriety that surprises me.
"Oh no, of course not. That's not in the... agenda for the Empress. I mean, what if I got pregnant? Love addles the brain, or that's what they tell me. They don't let me anywhere near men. Or women for that matter. Tutors are fine, but they're hustled off by guards at the end of every lesson. Sometimes they seem interesting, but we never get to talk about anything but my studies. The only reason they let you come here is because they see you as "safe". You're only here half the year, so you can't cause too much trouble, and you're under the rigid control of the palace guards..."
I'm amazed. "Really? So you've never had a friend before? Or a lover?"
"And other than you, I probably never will." I suddenly feel incredibly sad for my friend.
"How can you lead such a... sheltered... lonely existance. I mean, how can you be satisfied with it?"
She sighs tiredly and runs a hand through the hair at the base of her neck. "I've found ways to make my own joy, Saskia. Music, art and poetry... they feed my soul in a way that I think must be similar to love. I spend months at my winter house, surrounded by nature and beauty, and I feel content.. I'm commited to my destiny as Empress, or "puppet-Empress" as I fondly think of myself. I don't regret this decision. I do what they tell me, but as an Icon, I'm as important as if I really did run this City."
"I guess." I'm dissatisfied. I can't tell if she is genuinely content, or if she's merely trying to convince herself.