Peace at Last

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• I appreciate your offer, Joe said, but I have to find a way to get rid of those nightmares. It is horrible to not being able to sleep. It is equally horrible to know I depend on someone to sleep. It is as if I don't have my own life in my hands and drives me nuts! The doctors prescribed me sleeping pills, but the result was a real disaster. It gave me the sensation of seeing my nightmares with more lucidity.

• Listen Joe, let's agree that we share my bed so that at least you can enjoy your stay here. It will give you the opportunity to catch up on some very much needed sleep. If I snore too loud, you just kick me in the ribs. Ok?

• Ok, that's agreed, but don't hold it against me if my hands get a mind of their own. They could you know, as you are one sexy hunk of a guy.

• I think it is time you go and buy some glasses Joe, because if there is one sexy guy here, it is you.

Joe stayed for the whole week with me and slept every night in my bed. From the second day on I noticed a real difference in him. It was true after all that he could sleep the whole night without being wakened by the nightmares. In fact, as soon as we got in bed, he would rest his head on my chest while I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. It was never longer than ten seconds before I would hear his very even breath and within a minute I would hear him softly snoring. In the morning he would be rested and cheerful. I heard him more than once singing under the shower. You'll probably wonder if we had sex. Well no! We hadn't because he was always so fast asleep.

The week he stayed went far too fast. I had learned to know him and had volunteered quite some information about myself. We had gone into town and doing some shopping. Joe was living on an island in the Atlantic and as tourism had not hit the island full force yet, it was still rural and didn't have the big shopping malls like we have in our town. He told me that each time he came over, he did some shopping for clothes and other things he didn't find to his liking on his island. Where he was living, the main activity was the military base. He had not left the army, but with his medical history and what he had lived, the army, for once, had been quite human with him. He continued receiving the necessary medical and psychological help while he was doing some administrative work. He received a nice salary, but as the island didn't offer a lot, he couldn't really spend his money. His savings account was nicely filled.

When I saw all he bought, I was sure he would need an extra suitcase. He reassured me telling me he had come with an almost empty one in prevision of what he knew he would buy. As he was rested, the shopping trips were more than fun. Joe was suddenly so much relaxed and smiling all the time. Here, he could be himself, without having to hide he was gay. On his island, as ninety percent of the people were military, he had kept in the closet. There was very little tourism and the place was almost unknown. He still wondered how Chris and John had landed on that island. But once on the mainland, it was a total different matter. It was not that he was flamboyant or acting like a sissy, but when he saw a nice looking guy, he didn't hide that he liked what he saw. He was not acting on it, but he often looked back to check out the guy he had just passed. In most of the stores the sales assistants were young men and more than one of them was probably hired for their good looks. Joe openly flirted with them and some of those salesmen were literally drooling when Joe softly touched their arm or put his hand on the lower part of their back.

He wanted to change his old cell phone for a brand new iPhone. The guy behind the counter had very similar looks to Joe and after a bit of conversation, we learned the guy had been in Iraq, too. It brought a bit of a shadow to Joe's good mood, but he tried very hard not to show it. The guy was very helpful with all the explanations and when it was time to show how to add a contact, the guy introduced his personal number and name. Joe smiled at him and at the end paid and we went out. As soon as we were out of the shop, Joe took his iPhone and deleted the guy as a contact. We stopped at a sunny terrace to have some coffee and I asked him why he had deleted the contact.

• First of all, he said, I think it was far too forward of this guy to give me his number. He can have the best gaydar in the world, but he doesn't know for sure if I am. Secondly, I will be leaving in a few days and will never see that guy again. Third, and for me most important, if I wanted a number in my phone, it would be yours, and no one else's.

I took his phone out of his hands and added my number to the contact list. He smiled at that, almost shyly. I couldn't help to smile as well. He looked deep into my eyes and said:

• William, I so appreciate all you've done for me. I have never felt so relaxed since, well É you know. I feel rested, I feel free. For the first time in so many months and years, I have not thought about Chuck every single minute of the day. Chris and John, when they were still there, tried to cheer me up, But I knew that only time would be able to heal my wounds. I've been in treatment for several years, but it hasn't helped me a lot. Time was and is the only thing that can help me.

Joe fell silent for a moment as if he was thinking deeply about what he was going to say.

• Since I came back from Iraq and seeing Chuck's faceless head over and over, I haven't been able to relate easily with people. I did however with Chris and John when they were there on holiday. I don't know how we did it or why. The result was that we had a sincere friendship coming out of the first contact. Over all the years since I am back, I have slept around with some men, but É and this may surprise you, I haven't had any sex at all, except with my hands. Chuck has been my first and only love. Yes, I can flirt and be a tease, but it never goes further than that. If I ever let myself fall in love again, it will be with someone special, whom I Love, Respect and Trust. It is the latter one that takes the most time.

I could understand that. Those were the three pillars I was looking for in any relationship as well. Feelings were easy to get. The Respect was already a little harder. The Trust was something that had to be built, something that had to grow. In my youth I was always the one to trust people till they showed me they were not worth of my trust. It was only with years that I learned to trust no one till they proved trustworthy. I have a lot of acquaintances, but very few real friends. Joe was apparently the same, but with the added trauma of seeing his best friend and lover killed in front of his eyes. I didn't know if I would have coped if that had happened to me.

On the last night before his flight back to his island, we went out for a nice dinner. It was a cozy little restaurant that I had discovered only a few months before. Their food was good and the general ambiance was pleasant and quiet. The owner, who led us to a table next to the huge fireplace, welcomed us. Although our friendship had grown very fast, we were a little uneasy sitting there in front of each other. We both knew it was our last night, without knowing when we would meet again. I tried to light up the conversation with small talk, but there was definitely an elephant in the room, and we knew it. I breathed deeply before saying:

• I don't want you to go.

• I don't want to leave, he answered.

• I will miss you a lot.

• I will lose my biggest support since É

• When will you come back?

• I don't know É it will depend on a lot of things!

The moment was awkward. Without saying it specifically, we just admitted a certain attraction to each other that was not based on a physical aspect. We were attracted to each other because we had connected so well. We had connected with each other because we understood and respected the other's point of view. We respected each other because we were not judgmental. We were not judgmental because we were on the same wavelength. We were on the same wavelength because we had the same life values and those made the attraction even stronger. The circle was complete.

I took the risk to go a little further in our confessions.

• This week has been fantastic for me and I hope for you, too.

Joe nodded with a smile.

• I learned to know you and appreciate you in quite a lot of ways. I think it is even the first time in my life I see someone who is not afraid to show his emotions, being it by laughing or crying. You are such an open book and I am an avid reader, certainly with you. You are beautiful Joe, in character and in appearance. Your strength is the fact you know yourself and act accordingly. To make a long list short Joe, I wouldn't mind having you n my life and not only sporadically.

Joe reached for my hand over the table and squeezed it gently.

• You make it sound like it is me who has all the qualities! You shouldn't underestimate yourself. You are warmhearted and considered. You are a good listener. You don't judge people and show real interest in them. I feel at ease with you like I only had with Chuck. You are beautiful, too. You are sexy as hell and for the first time in years I had hard-ons that were not morning wood. I hate it that I have to leave tomorrow. Just as you, I wouldn't mind having you at my side for a long, long time.

I was so emotional that I felt my eyes moistened. I had to say something to lighten up the mood.

• I guess we just created a mutual admiration society!

We both laughed at that, but deep inside we knew it was true. Somewhere, deep inside of me, I knew I was falling for Joe big time. I couldn't allow it! We were living thousands of miles away from each other. Yes, I could afford without the slightest problem to quit my job and go live with him. I could also afford to have him with me and make him leave the army. But that was not the solution. We were both independent men, working and being busy all day. We were not the kind of men who could sit at home waiting for the other to arrive. If we wanted to spend more time together, we would have to think hard and find a way. My mother always told me that where there was a will, there was a way. I just prayed that she was right.

After we had removed the elephant from the room, without specifically saying we were falling for each other, the rest of the evening was wonderful. As the restaurant was close to my house, we had walked to it. When we finished and paid the bill, we walked back. We did a little detour and found ourselves walking hand in hand through the city park. It was so quiet and peaceful. We didn't want to disturb the quietness of the place and the moment and didn't talk a lot. When we talked we mostly whispered as to respect the peace. I felt so safe and secure with Joe next to me and instinctively knew he had the same feeling.

I was so glad that our relationship had started on an emotional and mental base. We had not made the mistake a lot of gay guys do: first jump in bed and if the sex is good, looking if there is something more. Joe and I both knew that sex is not love and love is not sex, but when both meet, it causes the most marvelous situation you can imagine. We had met on a mental and almost intellectual base. We had discovered the other without hurrying things. We had found strengths and weaknesses to which we could relate.

When we reached the house, we went in as quietly as possible as to not wake up Vivian. Joe started to pack his suitcase while I took a shower. When I was finished, I wrapped a towel around my waist and too another smaller towel to dry my hair roughly. Joe was closing his suitcase with some difficulty because it was a lot fuller than what he had expected. He was standing there in just his briefs and the clothes he would wear for his travel the next day were neatly folded on the chair. I put on some briefs and slipped between the sheets while he took his shower. I was thinking about the events of the past week. I couldn't help smiling and feeling happy. I felt my eyelids getting heavy and knew I would fall asleep quickly if Joe lasted much longer in the shower. Just as my eyes were about to close, he came out of the bathroom as naked as the day he was born. Like every night this week, he slipped naked between the sheets and rested his head on my chest. I automatically wrapped my arm around his shoulder and had just the time to switch off the nightstand lamp before I heard his even breathing and soft snoring. I liked that soft snoring. It told me that he was sleeping safely.

The next day, around noon, after a good brunch tanks to Vivian, I drove Joe to the airport. I hate goodbyes at the airport, but I wanted to be with Joe as long as possible. Once his suitcase was checked-in and he got his boarding pass, we had the typical conversation saying things like "Call me when you arrive" and "If you need anything, you know where to find me" and more of that sort. We heard the call for his flight over the PA system. We knew that we had to say goodbye. Joe was standing in front of me and we looked in each other's eyes. Suddenly we had million things to say to each other, but we didn't use our mouth to say them. I could read them in his eyes and he could probably do the same. When the second call for his flight was heard, he leaned in and softly brushed his lips on mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a more passionate kiss. Joe responded my kiss with even more passion. When he broke that kiss, he took a step backwards, looked very intently at me and suddenly turned around and ran to his gate. I saw him disappear but still couldn't move. I secretly hoped he would change his mind and come back to me before even boarding his plane. He didn't.

Before I reached my car on the parking lot, I already had a message from him on my phone.

"I already miss you!"

A few tears welled from my eyes and I had to wait before staring the car because my sight was blurred. I hated myself. I should have tried harder to keep him here or I should have boarded that plane with him. I was stupid to let him go just like that. I couldn't find any reason why we would have to be apart. I was on automatic pilot driving back home. I entered the house and had that same strange feeling as when I came here after receiving the keys from the notary. It was indeed a familiar place but there was definitely something missing!

Around six I received a message from him, telling me he arrived well, but that he didn't know if he had made the right decision. I didn't know what answer would be appropriate. On a total impulse I sent him a short answer: "I love you". He sent me a last message short after that: "XXX".

I didn't sleep well. I turned around in my bed but couldn't find a good position to sleep. I hugged the pillow his head had rested on and I could faintly smell his odor. I finally fell asleep but at three in the morning, my eyes opened wide. There was no noise to be heard. I was just suddenly awake. I looked at my cell phone but there was nothing there. I just sent Joe a message: "Rest my lover, tomorrow is another day" and a few seconds later I received a message: "Thank you, I needed that. Nightmares are back". I wondered if I should call him or not. I thought that maybe he was not having a room on his own and would wake someone. In the morning I woke up and was like a zombie. This had been the worst night in a long time.

Nonetheless, time went by. Joe and I called every day. He told me that he had seen his psychologist and explained about how he had had no nightmares when he was here, and that they had come back full force the first night he was back on base. This time he told the psychologist about his being gay, his relationship to Chuck and his meeting with me. He was lucky enough that his psychologist was rather young and was thinking about his patient's well being in the first place. It had never been done before, but he thought he could convince his superiors to put Joe on a permanent sick leave on that base only. It was a fact that Joe looked horrible when waking up and was not performing his daily duties as was expected. He warned Joe that it could take quite some time before they would have the final decision.

Each day, when we called, I heard Joe's voice being more and more depressed. I hated it. I wanted to do something for him, but was clueless as what to do. It was Vivian who gave me an idea when I talked about it with her. "Call his psychologist", she said. First I wondered if it was a good idea, as I would act behind Joe's back. Even if I would do it with the best intention, I didn't know if Joe would agree. I thought about it over and over and finally decided to do it.

The conversation with the psychologist lasted more than an hour. He said I was probably the only non-medical person who could help Joe. He confirmed that he was waiting for higher instances to give him an answer to his request to put Joe on sick leave. He hoped to have it soon. In the mean time he was wondering if I could come over, even if it was for a few days, to allow Joe having some restful nights. I said I was going to see what I could do.

I called my boss, and asked for a few days off. I was so stunned at his reaction that I hung up on him and went to his office, entering without even knocking on the door.

• Have you ever had any complains about my work? I almost shouted.

• I É What É Do you É He couldn't find his words.

• I repeat: Do you ever had any complains about my work? Shouting in earnest now.

• Euh É No, he said.

• Have you ever had to complain about any absence of mine? Have I ever let you down?

• Euh É No, he had to answer again.

He was about to stand up and shut the door to his office. I stopped him, telling him that everybody could listen to what I had to say and discover who he really was.

• You know what Boss? I said deadly serious. You can actually kiss my ass. I quit!

If I had been stunned by his reaction over the phone, his face was worth gold. He was sitting there behind his desk, looking at me as if I was a ghost. I turned and went to the door, leaving his office and slamming the door shut. I went to my own office and started to collect the few personal things I had there. On my e-mail inbox I put an out-of-office message with a personalized text: "Will be out of the office on a permanent base!" I went out and to my car. I felt so light as if a burden had been taken off of my shoulders.

As soon as I was home, I packed some clothes in a travel bag and headed for the airport. I just left a note to Vivian that I would be gone for a few days. I was lucky enough to buy a seat on a flight that was leaving only an hour later. While I waited for my flight, I took out my smartphone and surfed the Web for a hotel in the town of my destination. The only thing I found was a small but decent hotel and I booked it for a week, although I had no idea how long I would stay. I also booked a rental car.

Upon arrival I collected my bag and my rental car and I was checking in to my hotel as my phone rang. It was Joe, of course. We first had some small talk and I could hear he was not in a cheerful mood. I asked him:

• What would make you happy Joe?

• That's an easy one. I would be happy if you were here!

• I am, I just said.

• Yes, I know, but I mean physically.

• That's what I mean. I am physically here.

• I don't understand, he said, what do you mean by "I am physically here"?

• Have you ever heard of a hotel called "The Playa"?

• Yes, he said, but I could hear the doubt in his voice.

• Well, I said, I just checked-in in room 303.

• Don't play with me William, he answered, I am not in the mood for jokes.

• I would never play with you in such a way. I'd rather play with you while we are both naked an in bed.

• Ok, he said in a quite animated tone. Undress, leave the door open and I will be there in less than fifteen minutes. If this is a joke I can assure you, you will never hear or see me again.

With that he hung up. I took a quick shower and sprawled on the bed. The anticipation of seeing my man had made my cock swell, although not to full mast yet. I waited and those were the longest fifteen minutes I had ever lived.

Joe entered the room without even knocking. He closed the door behind him. I have seen people undress very quickly, but Joe suddenly broke all records. I had just realized he was there that he was on me fully naked. Our lips met and we had the most passionate, feverish, fiery and impetuous kiss. Our cocks were hard in no time. We had our arms wrapped around each other's neck. We held on to each other like never before. Although we were naked and with tremendous hard-ons, sex was not the absolute priority. Being together was. We kissed for what seemed an eternity. Our tongues were dancing together. Our chests were pressed together and we could feel each other's heartbeat. I had to admit I had never felt so happy. From Joe's smile on his face when he looked at me, I could sense he was as happy as I was.

Joe kissed me all over my face. He broke another record as I guess I received something like a thousand kisses in less than a minute. He made me giggle, but assured me I couldn't make him happier than smiling at me. My jaw-muscles were almost hurting from the smile that was on my face. I returned the kisses as much as I could and marveled at the sweet taste of his skin and his sweat. Everything he did increased the pace of my heart. When he started to nibble on my earlobes and the tender flesh between my ear and my collarbone, I thought I would die of contentment. For a guy who had had only one lover before me, he sure knew how to push all my buttons. He went down to my nipples, which are directly short wired to my nether regions. He nibbled them, pinched them with his lips and softly bit them, sending jolts of electrifying joy through my whole body. My toes curled as if I was about to climax. I knew we had so much pent-up love and lust that we wouldn't last long before our first orgasm. It was not important. We had the whole night to show our mutual love. When Joe reached my genitals, cupping my balls and massaging them, he engulfed my cock in his warm and moist mouth. He turned around and I had his cock at my face. I opened wide and swallowed his cock in my throat. Just a few twirls from our tongues on our cock-heads, made us spurt our loads. We swallowed the other's load and Joe came back to kiss me and mix our seeds in our mouths.

The initial urgency was gone, but our cocks didn't deflate. Although we had climaxed, our bodies told us they didn't have enough. We kissed and caressed every part of body we could reach. Slowly, we woke every nerve ending in our bodies. The primary sexual lust was replaced by loving tender care. We were now ready to make love instead of having sex. We had never talked about being top or bottom, but we didn't need to. We were both more than ready to express our love and even accept things we would not with someone else. I went down on Joe and leisurely kissed and licked his body. I took my time to give him all the pleasure he deserved and I was ready to keep his pleasure as my primal goal. We couldn't get enough of this discovery trip along the other's body. We had slept together, yes, but we hadn't pushed any button. For the first time we saw what happened as a result of a particular action. When I reached his nether region he instinctively spread his legs wider, giving me complete and total access to whatever I was after. I just gave a quick kiss on his cock-head but then went for his groin, the exact point where legs and lower body came together. I munched on that connection and saw his scrotum shrink before my eyes and his balls almost going into his lower abdomen. I followed my route and stopped once more at his taint, softly biting it, causing Joe to moan even louder. I pushed his legs up and went for his ass-cheeks, spreading them and kneading them till I saw his rosebud. His puckered hole was winking at me, inviting me to kiss it and even inviting me to eat it out. I obliged and my tongue licked his crack from his balls to his lower back. I did this route several times before diving in on his hole. I had turned myself in such a way that Joe would have access to my nether regions as well and he took full advantage of it. I felt him mimicking my ministrations and that was our way to make understand to the other what we liked. A sixty-nine of our asses was definitely my absolute favorite in my sexual activity and from what I felt, Joe was an eager enthusiast as well. When I introduced one finger in his hole I heard him gasp for air, but he soon entered me as well. He was the first to add a second finger and that was how we discovered we both liked having something entering us.

We had no notion of time whatsoever, but we didn't care. We wanted to please the other and that was exactly what we did. We resumed our former positions and kissed again. It was just hazard that I ended on my back and Joe on top. I spread my legs and Joe just put his hands in the bend of my knees and lifted them high in the air. I knew what was coming and was totally prepared for it although it was ages ago since the last time. I didn't know if they had gone that far, Joe and Chuck, and it first Joe seemed a bit clumsy, but I didn't mind. I knew we had both to learn how to be together. I knew Joe was clean as they are regularly tested in the army. For my part I was clean as well as it was so long since my last sexual encounter and I had been tested twice since then. We didn't need any condoms, but the lubricant would come in quite useful. I told Joe where he could find it. He found it and used quite more than necessary, but I thought it was not an issue as he was well endowed and my hoe was probably quite tight. He lubed his cock generously and with the remaining lube entered two fingers in my hole. I held my legs in the air while he positioned himself with his hard dick in his hand and aiming directly at my hole. Even if he lacked in experience, he sure made up with determination.

Joe pushed forward and with the first thrust passed my sphincter. The pain was excruciating, but I was not about to give up. I held my hands on his hips as to say that he had to wait a moment. He understood the message and kept quiet. Once I felt the pain fading into pleasure I nodded to him and he started pushing in again. Bit-by-bit his stiff manhood entered me. He didn't use small little thrusts. He just pushed till I felt his trimmed pubic hair tickling my ass-cheeks. I hooked my ankles on the lower part of his back. Joe lowered his entire body and we kissed. I felt full and satisfied. With our kiss getting more passionate, he started a slow in and out movement and involuntary pressed against my prostate on his way in. Human nature being what it is, the speed of his movements increased. The pleasure washed over me and it could go on for as long as he wanted. I contracted my ass-muscles on each way out and relaxed on each way in. He must have felt it. His inward thrusts were forceful while his outward movements were softer, enjoying the pressure I caused with my ass-muscles.

Joe's breath got heavier. He was sweating profusely and little drops fell on my face and my lips. I tasted them and wanted more. I lifted my head and licked his face, drinking his sweat. I licked his chest and brushed my tongue over his sweaty nipples. That's how I discovered that his nipples were really sensitive. I chewed softly on his nipples and with each chew his thrusts in me became more forceful, till he threw his head back, closed his eyes and pushed so deep in me that he touched places I didn't even know I had. When he suddenly gave a hard thrust forward and stayed still, I knew he was depositing his seed deep into my bowels. He didn0t move, but I felt the throbbing of his cock in my ass. I didn't count them, but I guess there were six or seven strong spurts and a few more, softer in intensity. I squeezed my legs around his lower back as to avoid him to withdraw immediately. I just hated it when a guy withdrew immediately after cumming. I pulled him on top of me and waited for him to catch his breath. Once his heartbeat was coming back to normal, he lifted his head and we kissed once more.

I had not climaxed yet, but had a fantastic anal orgasm. Joe lifted himself on his arms and looked down. He saw there was no juice of mine and started to worry. I calmed him down explaining that I had an anal orgasm, but that was something he had never heard of. He was afraid I hadn't liked what we had done. I smiled at him and said it was the best love making I had ever experienced.

• But É you didn't cum! Joe protested.

• The night is till young my lover, and the purpose of making love is not to spurt a load, although it very much enjoyable. The purpose of making love is to express in a physical way what we feel inside. That we reach an orgasm and ejaculate our juices is one thing, but the pleasure we give each other on the way there is much more important to me. This time I didn't ejaculate É yet! But I enjoyed enormously. You never have to worry about me ejaculating with you. I can ejaculate earlier or later. But as for tonight I enjoyed it that much, that it is no must.

• If you say so, he answered totally not convinced, I will accept it. I don't have a lot of experience as you know, but from what I read, it is the culmination of perfect lovemaking.

• We don't have to be perfect my love, we just have to be satisfied and for what I am concerned, I am more than satisfied. I am satisfied to the point that I could go on all night, but that's only because I love you so much and wouldn't have enough with one night to express everything my heat feels. I will need many, many nights to express it and if you agree we will have all of those nights.

To be continued if you guys tell me you like the story! All comments welcome at amahy1957@gmail.com