This story contains portrayals of homosexual actions and lifestyles. There may be references to, or explicit descriptions of, sex between consenting adults.
If homosexuality, sexually explicit language, or swearing offends you, or if reading material that contains these topics violates any law or personal or religious beliefs, or if you under 18 years of age, please leave now, without proceeding further.
This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblances to actual persons are completely coincidental. Actual locations are mentioned, and are used for 'background' only.
You are also welcome to read my newest story, 'Leith,' also located in Nifty's Gay College Section.
Roy roynm@mac.com
Phalen - Chapter 19
The auditorium was empty, the dim lights providing just enough light for Jeff to hang his work at center-stage and set up his laptop, ready to run his animations. He was smiling and humming tunelessly as he worked. 'How can the day get any better?' he thought as he leaned back against a table to scrutinize his work. Since leaving Bob at the doors to the campus police offices he realized how touched he had been by the confession of one the men who had been following him. Bob had bared his soul, but continued to believe his friend was merely confused. Jeff snorted, not believing the analysis, but hoping it was true nonetheless.
He turned at the sound of his name to see his friend Brad alongside a man he'd never met. Brad was smiling, but the circles under his eyes were telling. 'He must not have gotten much sleep last night,' Jeff thought in the instant before greeting his friend. Over the past few months the two of them had become inseparable while at school. Brad jokingly told everyone they were looking out for each other. Jeff thought it more likely they found comfort in the other's presence. Both found themselves overcoming adversity; Brad, in his relationship with Curt, and Jeff facing his childhood abuse. Jeff often thought how much different his life might have been if he had met Brad when they were both freshmen.
"I knew we'd find you here early," Brad teased with a broad smile, walking up to Jeff and putting an arm around his shoulder. He turned to explain. "Jeff is always the most prepared person I know. He's also my best friend." He flicked a glance at Jeff and grinned. "We look out for each other." Brad moved away to stand next to his friend. "We also moan and groan about school and then go to lunch and solve each other's problems."
"Jeff, in case you haven't already guessed, this is my partner, Curt." Brad was smiling. Even the dark circles under his eyes seemed to diminish when he looked at Curt. The depth of his affection was obvious, as was the depth of his disquiet. It was clear Curt was aware of Brad's mood. From time to time he would glance to his right with a serious expression, half worry, half frown.
'I wonder just how much sleep these guys got last night,' Jeff wondered, shifting his gaze from one man to the other. Curt also appeared to be troubled but was able to hide it better. It was disturbing to watch the two men strive to overcome their emotions in the social situation in which they found themselves. 'They shouldn't be here. They should be at home either working out their differences, or better yet, asleep.'
"It's a pleasure," Curt smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled. "Brad speaks of you all the time." He extended his hand in greeting engulfing Jeff's hand in a warm handshake.
It was easy to return Curt's smile, though difficult to think of anything to say. Somehow, 'you two-timing son of a bitch,' didn't seem appropriate at the moment. "The pleasure's mine," he said instead. "Brad speaks of you often as well. You know, you and I are lucky guys," Jeff smiled, releasing Curt's hand. "Brad means a lot to both of us." Curt gave him a puzzled look, his smile momentarily frozen, before he glanced at Brad who grinned crookedly.
He could certainly see what Brad saw in Curt, at least physically. The man oozed self-confidence. The only person Jeff could recall who looked better in his clothes was Phalen. 'Maybe all business students dress this way,' he mused. 'I'm glad I don't have to.' His navy blue slacks hugged Curt's hips, falling in a crisp crease to his black shoes. His white polo shirt, which could only be called, blinding, set off his tan, and his dark auburn-colored hair in turn highlighted his hazel-green eyes. Otherwise, a very nice looking man.
'I've never seen rosy cheeks in Arizona,' was Jeff's first thought. 'And that voice! Geez. On looks alone, it's easy to see why Brad would find it difficult to dump the guy.'
"I guess I'll let you guys talk architecture," Curt said, smiling at Jeff and patting Brad's back. "I'm going to mingle." He turned and began walking toward a group of people, instantly becoming the center of attention, playing the role as if he was born to it.
" Ohhoh," Jeff murmured half to himself. "Kaunis mies. Mina rakastan hanen aantansa." He turned back to Brad who had perched on the corner of a table, cocking his head slightly, puzzled by what Jeff had said.
"Sorry," Jeff grinned, slightly embarrassed Brad had heard his musings. "Wow," he translated, "what a beautiful man! I love his voice." Brad merely nodded looking pensive as he watched his partner across the room.
"How'd things go last night?" Jeff knew Brad had intended to tell Curt he was aware he'd been seeing someone behind his back. "Did you guys have an opportunity to straighten things out?" Brad idly swung his leg, slightly shrugging at Jeff's question.
"I guess. A little. We had a glass of wine and did some talking." He looked down at the table, silent for a moment. "Jeff, I'm on an emotional roller coaster." He spoke without looking up. "One minute I'm on top of the world, surrounded by Curt's arms and his expressions of love. The next . . . " Brad shrugged. "The next moment is pretty awful." He finally looked up, the circles under his eyes appearing even darker than a few minutes earlier.
"I can't go on like this much longer. I'm trying not to even think about it too much until graduation, but that doesn't seem to be working out too well. I've got so much on my plate at the moment; I don't think I could handle the drama of a separation on top of everything else. The trouble is I don't know how I'm going to handle a separation from Curt even during the best of times. . . . It's going to be rough."
"You sound as if you've already decided that's the route you'll take." Jeff moved to sit on the table next to Brad, turning toward his friend who barely nodded.
"I guess I have . . . pretty much. Jeff, I can't live with the idea of Curt seeing someone else while we're in a relationship. I would like to think things can work themselves out, but I don't think I could ever trust him again. I feel . . . betrayed, and I don't really think there's anything he can do to make me feel otherwise."
"Damn," Brad said, looking up suddenly, causing Jeff to turn toward him, his eyes wide, wondering what had happened. "Here I am crying on your shoulder when you're thinking about your presentation. I'm sorry." Brad reached out and squeezed Jeff's shoulder. "Thanks for listening though." He wished Jeff good luck before he joined Curt in the front row of the auditorium. Curt smiled when Brad took his seat and reached out to squeeze Brad's thigh.
Jeff's thoughts of his friend ended as the lights dimmed, signaling it was time for him to introduce himself and go to work.
The presentation went much as usual. Jeff stood before the jury panel explaining and defending his design decisions for three hours. He walked back and forth across the stage, pointing out specific areas of his project or stopping the computer animation to make a point about one of his design decisions. As usual, the whole thing seemed to be over only minutes after it had begun. The panel thanked him and he turned to the audience made up of his classmates intending to answer their questions. He took one step, looked out to the audience and stopped in his tracks. Phalen was sitting in the front row next to Brad. He saw Jeff's hesitation and smiled brightly, knowing he had been seen. Jeff's classmates, unaware of the byplay, clamored to ask questions.
The presentation continued for the next hour. Jeff responded to his classmates' questions, acutely aware of Phalen's presence only a few feet away. The fact that he had somehow arranged to skip school in order to attend today gave Jeff a warm feeling. Phalen always seemed to surprise him by his sensitivity. His presence was only the latest instance.
Finally, Jeff's design instructor, Professor Lewis, called an end to the presentation. The lights in the auditorium brightened and Jeff was surprised a second time. Bob, the ex-stalker was walking toward him from the back of the auditorium with a smile on his face. He stopped and spoke to Professor Lewis for a moment before the two men shook hands. Bob's eyes were still tired, but he had a spring in his step he had not had earlier in the morning. He reached Jeff a moment behind Phalen, standing aside while Jeff was surrounded by well-wishers.
"Good show, big man," Phalen said giving Jeff a brief hug.
"Didn't you have school today? Jeff asked, trying to be stern, but secretly pleased Phalen had been able to see him before a jury panel. After all, he had endured the endless hours Jeff spent in front of his computer, he should learn first-hand what all that time and effort was for.
"Yep. I didn't go." Phalen smiled, unrepentant. "What are they gonna do to me? They can't suspend me. I just called and told 'em I had something really important to do today, and I wouldn't be in. They said okay. I mean I may end up being that school's valedictorian. They've never had any trouble from me. They said, okay, so I'm here. I'm really glad I came."
"Jeff smiled, putting his arm around Phalen. "I am too, lover. Though I am glad I wasn't aware you were in the audience until near the end. I would have been thinking of you not my job. I'm glad you didn't tell me what you'd planned."
Jeff turned to Curt. "I assume Brad introduced you to my partner, Phalen?" Curt nodded and smiled.
"Do you guys always dress up to go to school? He teased.
"These are my work clothes," Jeff laughed. I prefer shorts.
"Or nothing at all," Brad added with a mischievous look on his face. He winked at Jeff, and then glanced at Phalen who returned Brad's smile. Curt looked from one to the other wondering what he had missed.
"I don't normally dress like this either," Phalen added, glancing down at his dark brown sport coat and tan slacks. "I didn't know what to wear, so I figured if a tie and sport coat was good enough for Jeff, it should be good enough for me." He flashed one of his boyish grins at Curt. "Like Jeff, I try to wear as little as possible whenever I have the chance."
Curt smiled and gave both Jeff and Phalen an appraising look. Phalen seemed oblivious, his entire attention focused on Jeff.
Jeff looked over Brad's shoulder and smiled at Bob who was standing outside the little group looking unsure of himself. The others turned to see where Jeff was looking. Brad lost his smile, turning to Jeff to get a clue as to what might be going on. Jeff held out his hand welcoming Bob. "Guys, I'd like you to meet Bob, a new friend of mine. We had an eventful meeting on a street corner this morning. Actually, we had a nice conversation about loyalty to one's friends, and standing up for what one believes is right." Jeff put his hand on Bob's shoulder. "I think our meeting was enlightening for both of us."
Bob seemed embarrassed by Jeff's introduction. He put his hands in his pockets before he looked up at Jeff's friends. He cleared his throat, searching for a way to begin. "It's nice to meet you all. I'm glad it's in a pleasant situation such as this." He glanced around the auditorium, pausing a moment at the doors to the outside with a slightly worried look on his face. "Until, this morning I was one of the men terrorizing Jeff," Bob explained, looking as if he were continuing to purge himself of the guilt he felt. Phalen's eyes got big, but took his cue from Jeff and remained silent. "I guess you guys know about that." Brad and Phalen were serious. Curt looked puzzled. "Jeff and I had a talk this morning and I apologized for my actions." Bob turned to look at Jeff, his eyes bright. "Jeff accepted my apology. I hope you guys won't think of me as an enemy either. I'm not out to hurt anyone. I was . . . misguided."
Phalen stepped closer to Bob, extending his hand, and flashing one of his prize-winning smiles. "Hi, I'm Phalen, Jeff's partner. I'm glad you guys had a talk and that things are okay between you." He leaned closer, pretending to be secretive, trying to put Bob at ease. "You don't really wanna get on his bad side. He's stronger than he looks." Bob smiled tentatively.
"What about your sidekick?" Brad asked, not quite as willing to forgive and forget. "Has he had a change of heart as well?" Curt looked perplexed, his glance shifting from one person to another, trying to figure out the plot of the little drama being played out before him.
Bob bowed his head. "That's Alex. And no, he sill thinks of Jeff as." He paused, trying to think of the correct word. "Enemy, I guess." He shrugged slightly. "Guys, give him a little time. He'll come round. He's just mixed up right now, that's all." Brad rolled his eyes and turned once again to Jeff to make sure he knew what he was doing. Jeff smiled, encouraging Brad to be friendly with a calming gesture of his hand.
Brad sighed in resignation. "I hope you're for real, Bob," he said, though the sting was lessened somewhat by a slight smile. "We can never have too many friends." Bob grinned, seeming to release a breath he'd been holding.
"You're right about that. I just came from the campus cops, explaining things to them. I'm hoping there's no trouble today, what with Jeff's presentation and all. It's like Alex to show up." He shook his head. "That's no longer my problem though." He grinned, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm feeling a whole lot better than when I saw Jeff this morning. I think I've apologized and explained things to everyone. Now, if I could get a little sleep I'd be a happy man."
"He was thrown out of is apartment guys, for telling his friend that he didn't want to have anything more to do with the plot." Jeff turned to the man next to him. "Do you have a place to stay?"
Bob nodded. "Yeah. I've parked my stuff at a friend's for a little while. He's got the room so it's no problem. Alex doesn't know anything about it."
Phalen nudged Jeff, nodding toward a woman who was standing across the stage with her arms full; obviously the next person to be making a presentation but unsure what to do since Jeff's stuff was still on the walls. Jeff hurriedly excused himself, apologizing to his classmate, before he and Phalen rushed to remove his work. Phalen juggled some of the hastily removed drawing boards and smiled, wishing her luck as everyone headed for the auditorium's doors. They stepped outside, laughing at something Phalen had said and how he pretended to be struggling with the things he was carrying.
"Bob, you bastard!" Everyone stopped laughing, turning toward the person who had shouted. Bob looked stricken, glancing at Alex then at Jeff, seeming to shrink back into himself, uncomfortable to be the center of attention. His eyes were wide and he barely shook his head, denying to everyone that he had anything to do with Alex's presence.
"What?" Phalen asked, turning, looking first at Bob, then toward the voice and finally at Jeff. Brad seemed frozen in his tracks, while Curt continued to look bewildered, hoping someone would explain what was happening. Phalen glanced once again at Jeff. He was absolutely silent, his spine straight. His pale complexion was beginning to flush. Phalen saw his free hand clench into a fist and the muscles of his cheeks flex, as if he were grinding his teeth. In the next instant Jeff seemed to come to a decision. He thrust his laptop bag at Phalen who managed not to drop it. He pushed past Brad with a preemptory, "excuse me," and took the few steps out to the mall to stand in front of the man who had been tormenting him for the past weeks. Alex's attention however was not focused on Jeff, but at his friend. Jeff moved into his line of sight, blocking his view of Bob.
"What did you just call my friend?" Jeff asked in a low menacing voice only those nearby could hear. Alex was breathing heavily, his hands clenching then relaxing, only to clench once more.
"He's no friend of yours," he sneered, trying to step around Jeff. "This is between him and me." Jeff took a quickstep, moving closer to Alex.
"Oh, you're wrong about that. He is my friend, and a good one too, just like I wish you could have been." Alex's glance faltered. He closed his mouth, but continued to breathe heavily. "I'm told your name is Alex. Right?" Jeff asked.
Alex sneered, once again trying to step around the man in front of him. Once again, Jeff blocked his move.
"I said, am I right? Jeff shouted into the quiet surrounding him and Alex. Phalen and Brad looked at each other. Neither had ever heard Jeff shout. Other students had begun to turn their heads at the sounds of anger. Brad made a move to go to Jeff's side but was prevented from moving by Phalen's grip on his arm. He turned to Phalen who shook his head. He then glanced at the hand gripping his forearm and raised his eyebrows, silently asking if Phalen knew what he was doing. Phalen nodded.
Jeff was repeating himself. "I'll ask once again if Alex is your name?" His shout echoed between the buildings in the still hot air.
"What's it to you?" Alex shouted back, getting in Jeff's face. Jeff stood his ground, not backing up.
"It's a lot to me, Alex. You've been trying to terrorize me for weeks. I want to know why. Why? he shouted even louder, continuing to block Alex's movements. Professor Lewis came out of the auditorium with his cell phone to his ear. It appeared he was about to intervene. Brad took his arm and shook his head. The professor completed his phone call and closed his phone, leaning on the wall separating the auditorium from the two men facing each other on the mall a few feet away.
"Why? Jeff shouted once again, his pale complexion fading to red. Why? What have I ever done to you?" Alex put his hands on his hips. He glanced from side to side, noting the increasing number of students, some, friends of his from the architecture school.
"You think you're something special!" Alex shouted back. "You strut around with your nose in the air with no time for anybody but your close set of pals. Everybody's favorite student, Jeff Layson," he shouted, his lip curled in contempt.
Jeff seemed to relax a trifle, appearing to be perplexed. "And that's reason enough to try and terrorize me?" He moderated his voice but continued to maintain his position directly in front of Alex. Jeff leaned closer. "You notice I said try because you haven't done a very good job of it, mister. To terrorize someone you have to make them be afraid of you. You haven't made me afraid; you've made me damn mad. Now, tell me the real reason you think I'm worthy of your attention?"
Alex was silent, but his breathing was even heavier than before. His chest rapidly rose and fell. He had dropped his bag to the concrete earlier and his hands remained fisted. He looked as if he were cornered, about to strike at any moment.
"Because you're a faggot!" Alex shouted at the top of his lungs, only inches from Jeff's face. Jeff's classmates looked at one another, murmuring comments of surprise. Phalen once again gripped Brad's arm and warned Professor Lewis off with a shake of his head.
"So what! Of course I'm gay! Everyone already knows that! Who the hell cares who I sleep with?" Jeff's shout turned to a sneer, "other than you. He leaned even closer to Alex. "Maybe you're jealous, Alex. You think?" Jeff's shirttail had come untucked and hung below the hem of his sport coat. His tie was crooked, but he didn't back up. Every time Alex moved, Jeff followed, remaining only inches from the would-be stalker. "Maybe you're gay too and can't handle it!"
Without warning, Alex raised a hand as if to strike but Jeff was faster. He grabbed Alex's arm and held tight. Alex looked surprised at the move, his eyes flicking from Jeff's grip to his face then back again. He looked slightly panicked, unsure of what to do. Jeff held him close enough that both men were looking directly into the other's eyes.
"Surprised that a faggot can be stronger and faster than you, Alex? he shouted with contempt. "Well, in the future you'd better think twice before you ever decide to try and terrorize anyone else, whether they be a gay person, a lesbian, a woman, or even a dog!" Jeff shook Alex to keep his attention. "Because . . . Alex, women, lesbians, dogs and gay men, won't just lay back and play victim. We bite back!" There was a smattering of applause from the gathered students.
Phalen looked at Brad and smiled one of his brightest smiles. Bob's arms hung limply at his sides, his mouth was open and his eyes wide as he took in the scene being played out before him. He had never seen anyone get the best of Alex. He didn't know what to make of it. Neither did Alex.
Alex struggled, making a quick move to disengage himself from Jeff's grip. Jeff grimaced, quickly twisting him around so Alex's arm was behind his back, immobilizing him. Alex gasped in pain.
"Now, if you really want to fight." . . . Jeff spoke so only those closest could hear but as he spoke his voice rose. "I'm ready. But don't think that just because I'm gay you can stomp all over me because you can't!" Alex struggled harder and Jeff responded by twisting his arm even more. It appeared Alex's knees were about to buckle. Jeff kept him from collapsing, beginning to shout. "No one will . . . ever . . . walk on me again! Do you hear me?" He shook Alex who had gone limp in his grip. . . . "Never . . . again!"
"We'll take over, son." A campus police officer touched Jeff on the shoulder, and reached for Alex.
Alex looked over his shoulder at Jeff, then at the officer. He seemed pleased to be transferred to the officer's care and away from the grasp of a mad man.
"Oh . . . okay," Jeff mumbled, still breathing heavily, flexing his fingers at his side. The officer patted him on the back and then led Alex away. He stumbled but was supported by the officer. After a few steps, Alex looked over his shoulder at Jeff who was straightening his sport coat and tucking his in shirt as if nothing of any importance had just transpired.
Other than the police officers and Alex, everyone seemed frozen in place, waiting to see what Jeff would do next. He stood quietly for a second with his head bowed and then reached both arms out to his sides, his fingers spread wide. He tilted his head back, looking to the sky and shouted at the top of his lungs. "Shiiiit . . . that felt goooood!"
Again, the smattering of applause from many of his classmates. He dropped his arms to his sides and looked up in surprise, turning his head from side to side, only now becoming aware of his audience and the smiling faces. He blushed and ducked his head in embarrassment, walking back to his friends, once again the unassuming person everyone was familiar with, yet at the same time . . . different.
Professor Lewis was first to shake his hand, smiling and patting him on the back. Jeff grinned, seeming to wonder where the professor had come from. Phalen thrust all of Jeff's belongings into Bob's hands and pushed past the professor, wrapping Jeff in an embrace.
"Now I'm really glad I skipped school! I wouldn't have missed that for the world!" he laughed, leaning close and kissing Jeff on the mouth. Jeff hugged Phalen back, looking over his shoulder to see many of his classmates watching the encounter. A few guys had turned away, apparently in disgust, but everyone else was smiling.
Brad was next to hug Jeff, followed by Curt and Bob. Everyone was smiling, patting him on the back and laughing at the release of tension. Phalen turned to Bob and began taking Jeff's things back. "I'm glad you weren't out there with your friend." Bob just nodded, his eyes wide, looking at Jeff with increased respect.
"I didn't know you could yell so loud." Brad teased, hugging Jeff once again. "I've heard of people coming out, but man, you didn't just come out you burst out!" Jeff could do nothing but grin. He actually felt drained. "You overcame eighteen years of fear and anger today, Jeff. I'm proud of you, and am so pleased I got to see it. With all the stuff you've been putting me through," he teased, "I deserve to see the good stuff."
Jeff playfully punched Brad's shoulder. "Hey guys," Brad cried, turning to the others and pretending injury, grabbing his arm. "He hurt me. I think a monster's been created!" Everyone laughed as they started to move down the mall among the disbursing students. "Seriously Jeff, I'm happy for you," Brad said, patting him on the back. Bob was tagging along staring at the displays of affection, looking between Phalen, Brad and Jeff. "I bet'cha you're gonna be in the campus newspaper tomorrow," Brad crowed. "Surely, someone had a camera and took your picture!" Jeff theatrically groaned, covering his face with a hand.
"Hey, I live with a celebrity!" Phalen teased, nudging Jeff with his hip, struggling with everything he was trying to carry.
"You live with a hungry man," Jeff said, laughing and nudging Phalen back, taking some of his things. "I've had a lot happen today and I need something to eat."
"I thought you might be horny." Phalen asked wistfully, lagging behind the group. "All this tough-man stuff makes me wanna get naked." He laughed, winking at Bob who didn't know exactly what to make of the interplay between the two men.
"So, are you . . . horny?" Phalen continued, stepping close to Jeff and smiling. The other men turned as one to look at Jeff who didn't even blush at the attention.
"Damn right I am."
Wonderful!" Phalen shouted, grabbing the rest of Jeff's belongings from Bob and beaming another smile. "Men, that's our cue to get home quick. The big man here has a couple things he needs to tend to." Phalen tried to grab Jeff by the arm but struggled to keep from dropping anything, so he motioned with his head to hurry up. " See ya guys," he shouted over his shoulder, lengthening his strides to keep up with Jeff.
"Have fun," Brad shouted after them. "Don't forget to eat!" Bob seconded, laughing along with Brad. Neither man was aware of how Curt stood quietly, studying the two men in sport coats who were now almost jogging toward home.
~ To be continued ~
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on this story. I've been overwhelmed at the response to 'Phalen,' and love to hear from each of you.
If you would like me to send you a pic of the guys that inspired the main characters in this story, email me.
Sisu (SEE-sue) Mina rakastan sinua (I love you) Mita (what) Anteeksi (I'm sorry)
I would like to thank Carey for his ceaseless efforts to make me a better writer, Gwynne for her daily doses of humor and her insights into the characters, and Larry in Finland for helping me with the Finnish language and for being a good friend. Writing may be a solitary endeavor, but the thoughts of each of these people, as well as you, the story's readers, affect the story's course.
A number of readers have written asking for the correct pronunciation of the character's names. They are:
Phalen (FAY-lin) Kerin (KEAR-in) Thian (THE as in Theater (THE-in)
Thanks for reading.
Roy roynm@mac.com