This story contains portrayals of homosexual actions and lifestyles. There may be references to, or explicit descriptions of, sex between consenting adults.
If homosexuality, sexually explicit language, or swearing offends you, or if reading material that contains these topics violates any law or personal or religious beliefs, or if you under 18 years of age, please leave now, without proceeding further.
This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblances to actual persons are completely coincidental. Actual locations are mentioned, and are used for 'background' only.
You are also welcome to read my newest story, 'Leith,' also located in Nifty's Gay College Section.
Roy roynm@mac.com
Phalen - Chapter 26
"Thank you for dinner, Andrew. It was lovely." He chuckled. "Sorry I made us late by wanting to play." He cuddled closer, holding Andrew's hand. "The dinner, the magnificent view of the city lights . . . the company. They were all wonderful." Andrew hummed a response and turned to kiss Larry's neck. They had decided to spend some time on Larry's patio, the only illumination coming from the lights on the palms in Jeff's yard next door. The air was stirred by a gentle breeze that brought with it the smell of night-blooming flowers. He took a deep breath of the perfumed air taking great pleasure in Andrew's touch on his bare skin. He thought he heard a laugh coming from Jeff's house. 'Things must be going well over there.'
"Are you sleeping?" He shifted to look at Andrew and saw him return a contented smile as answer.
"No. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet . . . and the feeling of holding you in my arms." He kissed the top of Larry's head. "I could easily become accustomed to doing this . . . permanently." Larry's eyes opened wide. He stopped breathing. Andrew's caresses slowed to a halt.
"Larry, are you okay? Did I say something?"
Wordlessly, Larry nodded he was okay. "You mentioned permanently." He struggled into a position where he could look at Andrew, the tanned muscular figure sitting next to him in the half-light. Andrew's smile slowly changed to puzzled expression. 'He's so wonderful,' Larry thought, quickly stealing a glance. 'He's kind, and fun to be with, but . . . '
"Andrew, do you . . . love . . . me? Think hard. AmI the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, or am I someone you're really comfortable being around, someone you can have a good time with? Is what we feel for each other . . . love?" He paused a moment and took Andrew's hand, running his thumb over the open palm. "Do you know?" He looked at Andrew's profile, the normally expressive face at rest.
"I don't know how to answer your questions, Larry. I thought I was in love with my ex-wife. I wasn't. I've not exactly been the model for what one experiences when one falls in love." He shrugged and turned toward Larry. "So, I can't say with certainty that I love you. I admire you. I think you're sexy and fun, even when we're not in bed." Larry grinned and took Andrew's hand. "You mean more to me than any man I've ever met, but does feeling these things equal love . . . ?" He barely shrugged once again, and leaned forward to gently kiss Larry's neck.
"I'm usually the person whose job it is, to make others face reality and not delude themselves. Are you doing that with me?" He tilted Larry's chin up, studying him closely. "Hmm?" Larry's eyes must have given him the answer. He studied him a few moments longer, his face still with an expression of quiet searching.
"You've already given this some thought, haven't you?" Larry nodded once, but couldn't meet Andrew's gaze. "Look at me, handsome." Once again, Andrew gently eased Larry's chin up. "You don't love me, do you?"
Larry swallowed, looked at Andrew for a moment with beseeching eyes and barely shook his head. "No. I'm sorry. I want to, I really do. But . . . I don't." He paused a moment, continuing to hold Andrew's hand. "I might . . . in the future. . . . I just don't . . . now."
"Larry," Andrew spoke gently. "I have to ask this question so please don't be upset with me, but are you still in love with Jeff?" Larry tilted his head back and groaned, looking at the starry sky.
"I told you about that, didn't I?" He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "Yes, I do still love Jeff. He and Phalen and I have worked things out." Andrew raised his eyebrows but Larry ignored the silent request for an explanation. "But to answer your question, no, you're not competing with Jeff.
Suddenly, he laughed. Larry looked at him in surprise. "Normally, I'm the person who cuts things off with another guy. This is the first time someone else has done it to me." He paused a moment in thought. "It's not a very good feeling, I must say." Larry bit his lip, his eyes grim.
"I'd like to continue seeing you, Andrew . . . and having sex. I really like you. I just don't want to continue feeling guilty . . . about not loving you. I don't want to feel as if I'm somehow leading you on, playing with your emotions. I want to be truthful. If." He halted a moment. "If you find someone to love, don't hang on to me. As Phalen would say, 'grab your chance.' If, by some chance, I find that person, I'll do the same. We can still care for each other and be close friends even if we aren't lovers, can't we?"
Andrew nodded and did his best to hide his disappointment. "Yes, I'd like to continue seeing you. You're my friend. I'm yours. I want us to remain that, okay?" Larry's relieved smile brightened the night. "You did say we can still have sex, didn't you . . . until Mr. Right comes along for one of us?" Larry nodded, his lips curving into a smile. "Goooood." Andrew sighed. "Your performance earlier this evening was inspiring. He drew Larry into an embrace. "Only, this time you're going to call me sir."
Jeff stared at the cup of coffee, the dark liquid reflecting swirling reflections as he moved the cup in small circles on the glass tabletop. He and Phalen were sitting at the dining table while Brad went on a run, saying he needed to, "get out and see the world."
Phalen was immersed in reading the Sunday newspaper, taking his eyes away from the news only to take another sip of coffee. His hair was sticking out in all directions, short black spikes that made him look even more like a little boy than usual. From time to time he would make a face, shake his head in disbelief or mutter a comment to himself, and then turn the page in irritation.
Jeff restlessly tried to get into a comfortable position but his mind was preoccupied and no position seemed to help. The turmoil caused by Brad leaving Curt and then coming to stay with him and Phalen had served only to push his worrisome thoughts aside. Now that Brad was gone for a little while, the thoughts one again came to the forefront. Phalen tilted the newspaper lower and looked over the top, catching Jeff's attention. Jeff's mouth twitched upward in a crooked grin, but he remained silent. After a moment, Phalen folded the newspaper and moved it aside, waiting patiently for Jeff to let him know what was troubling him.
"I'm not done," Jeff said without preamble. He looked up to see Phalen's puzzled expression. "I'm not finished with my efforts to overcome my childhood." He reached up and rubbed his forehead before looking back to Phalen. "There's still one thing I should do and I'm petrified by the idea." Phalen leaned his elbows on the table, his amused look transforming into one of concern.
"I thought you were pleased with the progress you've made. I know I am." Phalen scooted his chair forward. "I mean, look where you've come from and where you are today." He glanced aside trying to think of obstacles that might remain for Jeff to overcome. 'Ahhh,' he thought to himself.
"Your parents?" Jeff bit his lip and nodded with a bowed head.
"Yeah. I've not spoken with either of them since leaving Finland. At times I've felt bad about that . . . but it seemed the right thing to do at the time. When I left, I was angry. I blamed everything on them. Even then, I knew that wasn't fair to do, but . . . " He shrugged. "Like I said, I was angry at them, and at everything having to do with the country I thought of as having hurt me." He looked down at his finger as he traced a circle on the tabletop. "I needed to establish myself and come to grips with everything. I didn't think I could do that if I still felt tied to them." He wiped a hand across his mouth in thought. "It's precisely because I have made progress that I feel I need to communicate with them."
Phalen thought a moment, leaning back in his chair. "I can understand your thinking, but there's something else isn't there? I mean, you can give them a phone call. Nothing's stopping you from doing that. What else are you thinking?"
Jeff took a sip of his coffee and made a face when it proved to be cold. He moved the coffee cup aside with a look of distaste. "You're right. I could call them, but that wouldn't be enough." He looked Phalen in the eyes. "I need to see them . . . to make them understand how I've changed. I want to share with them what I've become." He looked aside, as if ashamed. "I never thought I'd say it, but I also find I'm missing them, and the places where I grew up."
Phalen silently mouthed the word, "wow," and then looked back at Jeff who was studying him and had seen his reaction.
"Big step, huh?" Phalen nodded slowly.
"You have been in touch with, at least your father . . . haven't you? Through email? I remember you telling me you sent him pictures of the house and stuff." Jeff nodded. "Have you told him about what you've been doing, with Andrew and the counseling?" Jeff shook his head. "Have you told him about being gay?" Phalen paused a moment. "About me?"
He was answered by a slow shake of Jeff's head. "No . . . to all of your questions."
"Oh. . . . " Phalen ran his fingers through his sleep-spiked hair. "That's gonna be a lot for them to handle at once." Jeff nodded, once again taking hold of his coffee cup, this time with both hands. He lifted it to his mouth but remembered it was cold, and sat the cup back down. "How do you plan on going about making contact?"
Jeff shrugged. "Call them, I guess. But, I think I need to see them in order to make them understand." He leaned back in the chair and stretched his legs out in front of him, playfully running a bare foot up Phalen's equally bare leg. Phalen grinned, but refused to be distracted.
"You want to go to Finland?" Jeff nodded, a slight smile playing about the corners of his mouth.
"I've been thinking about it for quite a while, and now that school's about over there's no reason we can't."
"We?"
"Would you go with me?" Jeff leaned forward, excitement and worry playing over his face in equal measure. "I don't think I could do it without your support. You've always been there when I need you." He reached across the table and grasped Phalen's hand. "I could show you where I grew up, and it would be cooler than here." He grinned. "A lot cooler." Phalen smiled in return. Jeff was no longer talking only about speaking with his parents. He was also saying he missed his homeland and he wanted to show it off.
"I'd love to go." He squeezed Jeff's hands. "Do you think your parents would welcome us? I mean, they don't know you're gay. I certainly would be a surprise for them. If they're as dour as you've always claimed, I'm not sure I'd be too welcomed." Jeff's smile faded a he thought about the practical matters of bringing a man home to meet his parents.
"But, yes, Phalen continued, "I would love to see where you grew up." Once again Jeff's eyes brightened. "If need be, we could stay in a hotel or something." Jeff didn't seem to like the idea, but nodded once. "Oh, and I want to take one of those saunas." Jeff corrected him without thinking. "Sauna (SOW-na)." Phalen waved his hand.
"Yeah, I know. I wanna see all those naked Scandinavian men."
"Women too," Jeff reminded him. Phalen made a face but looked resigned.
"I can handle it." He looked at Jeff with a sly expression. "Would you teach me how to say, 'Can I touch?'" He giggled, wiggling his eyebrows and breaking into a bright smile.
Once again Jeff's eyes were alight. "You'll love it. Everything is so green. There are lots of trees, and it doesn't really get dark since it'll be the middle of summer. There's lots of water, and the ships, and I won't have to speak English all the time." He scooted forward in his chair, continuing to hold Phalen's hands. "Maybe Greg will be there. I could show you Kaivopuisto (KEYE-vo-pwe-stow) Park. That's my favorite place, and Finlandia Hall, and Esplanade (ESS-plah-nod-eh) Park. We could buy some ice cream and sit on the steps of the Cathedral overlooking Senate Square and pretend we're not tourists." He got a dreamy look in his eyes. "Everything is so green." He looked abashed. "I already said that, didn't I?" Phalen nodded, smiling. "And, my parents will love you as much as I do." He paused a moment. "I'm sure of it."
The telephone rang once, twice. Jeff paced back and forth in the living room, the object of Brad and Phalen's attention. Brad had only just returned from his run and had asked Jeff to call Curt and make arrangements to pick up some of his stuff. The fact that Brad was anxious to hear how Curt was doing went unspoken. Finally, there was an answer. An exhausted low voice mumbled, "hello?"
"Ah, hello, Curt. This is Jeff, Brad's friend." Suddenly, the voice changed, becoming animated.
"Jeff . . . hi. Have you seen Brad? Is he okay? Do you know how his presentation went?" There was the slightest pause. "Shit, I've screwed things up so badly. Did he tell you?" When Curt began speaking Jeff had stopped pacing and sat on the arm of an easy chair next to Phalen, trying not to look at Brad who was eagerly watching his every action. Jeff had not expected Curt to be acting as he was. He had expected silence, anger . . . anything but relief and asking after Brad's welfare.
"Yes, I've seen him. He's doing okay." He could hear Curt's muffled sigh. "How about you?" Jeff asked. Brad leaned forward, anxious to hear the answer. Phalen watched Brad's face. A good night's sleep, a couple cups of his fortifying coffee, and a long run had him acting almost normal.
'Almost,' Phalen thought. 'He keeps looking around with a slightly puzzled expression as if he's misplaced something. When he realizes it's Curt that's missing, he gets quiet and bows his head.'
"I feel like shit," Curt responded to Jeff's question. "I'm so sorry for the stuff I've done and how I've hurt Brad." He took a shuddering breath. "I'm not a person who cries easily, but," his voice caught, and he paused long enough to clear his throat. "That's about all I've been doing. I'm feeling sorry for Brad . . . and myself, and our families. I missed him so badly last night." There was another pause, a longer one this time. "I hugged his pillow all night. I could still smell him." He gave a dry chuckle. "Yep, shit about sums up how I feel." He sighed into the telephone receiver. "But, I'll survive."
"I'm sure of it," Jeff responded, answering Brad's question about how Curt was doing, with a nod and a calming gesture of his hands. 'I'll tell you everything in a couple minutes,' he seemed to say. Brad leaned back on the sofa looking pleased. He shrugged when Phalen caught his eye and then bit his lower lip and broke eye contact. He abruptly stood and began to slowly pace back and forth in the sunroom with his head bowed. Phalen watched without comment before returning his attention to Jeff.
"I damned well better survive," Curt tried to joke. "Brad taught me a few lessons yesterday. I have to survive to put them to use someday." He paused a moment and Jeff could hear him take another halting breath. "I want to make him proud of me, Jeff. I want to prove to him I'm a better person than I've let him see." Jeff reached for Phalen's hand seeking support. Phalen looked up, startled at the intensity of Jeff's grip. His lips were compressed into a tight line, a look of distress Phalen knew well.
"Would you like to stop by and pick up some of Brad's things? I've been gathering some stuff up I'm sure he'll need right away. I know he needs his books for his exams . . . and some clothes and things like that. We can make arrangements where he can get whatever else . . . when I'm not here, if that works for him and you. Whatever he wants, I'll do."
Curt's tone changed once again. "You haven't told me if his presentation went okay. It must have been awful for him having to do that right after leaving here. How'd it go? Did he get through it?" There was an expectant pause while he waited for an answer. In an apprehensive voice he added, "Jeff, don't tell me everything fell apart because of me. I . . . I don't think I could handle that . . . on top of everything else." He gave a nervous chuckle. "That's not cool, is it? I ask you a question and then tell you what answer I want to hear."
Jeff cleared his throat, releasing Phalen's hand. He stood and began to pace, trying not to look at Brad's anxious expression. He had stopped his anxious pacing in the sunroom when Jeff stood and was studying him, his glance flicking from Jeff to Phalen and back again. "Yes, he got through it, with a little help from the jury and Professor Lewis." Brad was absently nodding his head, anxiously rubbing his hands together a couple times. "He seemed pretty pleased when I spoke with him," Jeff continued. "You're right though. It was rough, but Brad's a strong guy . . . just as you are." Jeff caught a glimpse of Brad looking up in surprise, his eyes watery. Brad sniffed and returned to pacing. Phalen noticed how he turned his head, quickly wiping his hand across his eyes.
"But, yes," Jeff added, once again turning away from Brad. "We'd like to take you up on your offer to pick up some of his stuff so we can get things to him." He was purposely not telling Curt Brad was staying with him and Phalen. He didn't know why, though he expected Curt would already suspect.
They finished making arrangements, and in less than an hour he and Phalen were knocking on the door to Curt's apartment. He answered the door, his hair still wet from taking a shower. He had told Jeff on the telephone he would try and make himself presentable, but if this was the result, Jeff shivered to think how bad he must have been earlier. His eyes were dark-shadowed, puffy and red-rimmed. He hadn't shaved. His hands trembled and he had hurriedly put on his t-shirt inside out. Gone was the self-confident man Jeff had met a week earlier. In his place was a man humbled by his behavior. He shook hands with Jeff and Phalen, making an attempt at a welcoming smile, and then walked with them both down the hallway and showed them where he had gathered some of Brad's belongings.
Phalen put his hand on Curt's shoulder, directing him back toward the living room. He looked over his shoulder and gave an encouraging look and grin. "Jeff can handle shifting the stuff," he heard Phalen tell Curt. "You and I can sit and visit for a few minutes, if that's okay with you." Curt turned to him slowly, a look of surprise and unexpected happiness on his face. He grinned crookedly and mouthed the words "thanks," not trusting his voice. Jeff leaned against the bedroom wall and bowed his head, letting out a breath in a whoosh. The room was a shambles, in stark contrast to the things of Brad's which had been set aside. Curt had obviously spent a great deal of time trying to think of everything Brad might need, and then packing everything away as neatly as possible.
"I thought everyone would hate me," he heard Curt say from the living room. Jeff bent down and picked up a garment bag and Brad's computer lap top bag. He put the lap top bag's strap over his shoulder and picked up a duffel bag that was overfull. His eyes opened wide in surprise at the weight of the duffel. He hefted it a couple times, considering leaving it behind for a later trip but headed down the hallway with a resigned shake of his head.
"Shhh, no one hates you." Phalen took one of Curt's hands as they sat on the sofa. He lowered his voice and turned slightly in order to face Curt. "Look at me." Curt reluctantly raised his head. "You and Brad are gonna recover from this. You know that, don't you?" After a moment there was a reluctant nod. Phalen held Curt's hand in both of his and leaned closer. "I'm sure, right now you feel awful, but the obstacles in front of you are not insurmountable. I'm here to tell you to stop being so hard on yourself. I'd also like to urge you to find someone to talk to. The next relationship you have will be better if you've gotten stuff off your chest now."
"How, Phalen? Everyone I know will probably tell me I'm getting exactly what I deserve. . . . And, they'd be right. It's Brad who's getting the raw deal. He didn't do anything to deserve the grief I've given him." He brushed a tear away with his free hand.
"Shit, I wish I'd stop being all teary eyed." He turned to face Phalen. "I don't know anyone to speak with who won't judge me."
"Sure you do. You know Jeff and me. We're not judging you . . . believe me." He grinned at Curt's expression. "But, under the circumstances, we're probably not the best ones for you to speak with." Phalen gave Curt a crooked grin. "Even so, it's important for you to remember that just because things haven't worked out the way everyone would have wished, does not mean Brad or his friends are going to hate you." He gripped Curt's hands tighter, making sure he was paying attention.
"Listen to me. Brad's taking his own steps to overcome what's happened, you need to do the same thing. Neither one of you is going to gain anything by sitting around feeling sorry for yourself or for the other. It'll only make you feel worse. If you're doing something positive . . . to help yourself, you'll begin to look at things differently."
"Sure, for a little while go ahead and moan and groan and cry and stick your head in the refrigerator." He winked when Curt looked at him in surprise. "Just seeing if I had your attention. These things, except for the refrigerator bit, are fine. Get 'em out of your system and then start doing something positive. You'll feel better when you do."
Phalen leaned closer and lowered his voice even further. "Curt, my dad's boyfriend is a counselor. Maybe you could talk to him." Phalen dug in the hip pocket of his shorts. "Here, I'll leave his card with you if you want to call him." Curt took the card and stared at it for a moment. "I won't tell Jeff or Brad or anyone else what I've recommended, and I'm sure if you do decide to see him, he won't mention it to anyone either. So, you are free to do whatever you choose in complete privacy." He took Curt's other hand. "Just do something. Talk to Andrew, a friend of yours . . . anyone. Don't just sit around and stew. Nothing'll ever improve that way, and who knows, Mr. Right may be just around the corner, and if that's the case, you'll want to have all your emotional stuff taken care of before you meet him, right?" He smiled encouragingly. Curt tried to blink the moisture away from his eyes. He compressed his lips and nodded.
"Good." Phalen stood. "Now, give me a hug and then I'll help Jeff." Curt stood and stepped into the waiting embrace. Phalen noticed Jeff come out of the bedroom and start down the hallway. He looked at Jeff and grinned, motioning him onward with a slight wave of the fingers of one hand. The other was patting Curt on the back.
When Jeff returned, Phalen had an armful of Brad's belongings and was standing in the living room. Another pile of stuff was sitting at his feet. Both men turned to him. Phalen's smile was bright. Curt looked better. Even though his eyes were still red and puffy, he didn't look . . . defeated . . . any longer.
As he and Jeff walked away from Curt's apartment, Phalen shouted over his shoulder. "Stay away from the refrigerator!" He could hear Curt bark a laugh as the door to the apartment closed. Jeff turned to Phalen with a quizzical expression.
"Just a joke." Before Jeff could ask further, Phalen groused. "Damn, what's in these bags?" He comically looked down the stairway in front of him with trepidation. "We didn't need to pick up everything Brad owns in one frigging trip!"
Jeff drove in silence. Since leaving Curt's he hadn't said much and Phalen had begun to worry.
"Don't be angry, Jeff." Phalen reached over and rested his hand on Jeff's leg. Jeff turned a puzzled look in his direction.
"I've not abandoned Brad because I tried to be nice to Curt. They're not mutually exclusive, ya know." Phalen continued. "I can't take Curt's pain away, but I can let him know he's not alone and that things will get better . . . eventually."
Jeff placed a hand over Phalen's. "I'm not angry with you or anyone else." He glanced to his right and met a skeptical expression. "Truly. I was just thinking that Curt is different than I expected." Phalen silently nodded. "I wish things had been able to work out for them, but I have to agree with Brad." Phalen raised his eyebrows in query. "If I were living with him I'd always wonder what he was doing behind my back. That's no way to live."
"Yeah." Phalen sat back and stared out of the car window, silent for a little while. "Even so, he deserves to know he's not alone, just as Brad does," Phalen continued, almost talking to himself. "I think Brad is a wonderful, caring, gentle person. I think Curt could be those same things if given half a chance. Brad came by those characteristics naturally. Curt has had to experience this breakup in order to learn them." He shifted in his seat. "Jeff, he's feeling alone right now. He made a mistake, let's us not make a mistake and pretend he doesn't exist, just 'cause we've known Brad longer." Phalen was watching him with a stubborn expression on his face.
"I just think it's the right thing to do." He crossed his arms and intently looked out the car window. Jeff watched him a moment.
"Phalen . . . lover. I agree with you. You don't have to convince me. I don't want to be Curt's best friend, and right now I'm glad he'll never be part of my family, but I agree with what you're saying. It's just that Brad helped me so much when I needed it; I sort of feel an obligation to him. I only just met Curt."
"So, you're not angry? Really?"
"Of course I'm not angry. I'm amazed at how big your heart is." Phalen looked at him quizzically. "You help people out without even thinking about it. You did it with me, with your father, his secretary." Phalen raised his eyebrows and grinned. "Now with Brad and Curt. I am amazed how you do these things. Without even seeming to think about it, you step in and make people feel better, whether by telling them a joke, holding them, smiling, paying attention to them or . . . whatever. When you leave, they know they're not alone. That's why people like you so much." He reached out and touched Phalen's leg. "It's one of the reasons I love you. You seem to be a bottomless pit of caring."
"Congratulations, Jeff!" Phalen walked up with a big smile on his face, and took Jeff in his arms and kissed him on the lips. "You too, Brad." Phalen stepped close and hugged him, kissing him on the cheek. Brad blushed and stammered his thanks. Larry had walked up with Phalen and stood quietly studying Brad and enjoying how people nearby were trying very hard not to be seen watching the men kissing.
"Hey, Larry." Jeff returned Larry's firm handshake as well as his hug. "Whew, I'm glad this is over. I'll be glad to get out of here and into something comfortable." He comically held his graduation gown away from him, making it billow as if he were trying to cool off a little. "I feel as if I'm wearing a dress."
"He doesn't do drag well," Phalen muttered to Brad, who was still not accustomed to Phalen's outrageous sense of humor. He looked to Jeff to check whether he should take Phalen seriously, and didn't learn anything. Jeff was making a point of ignoring the comment.
"Oh, geez, I forgot. Larry, this is our friend, Brad. He's staying with us for a while. Brad, this is Larry, Phalen's father. He lives next door to us. You'll probably see a lot of him. He stops by the house and visits all the time."
"He always brings the beer," Phalen added. He turned to his father. "Brad's a beer drinker too. In fact he was complimenting us on some of that imported stuff you left over at the house." Larry's smile rivaled Phalen's at his best. His eyes were twinkling, and if Jeff didn't know better, he would think Larry was blushing.
"Hi Brad. It's a pleasure." He took Brad's hand in a firm handshake. "Jeff's told me what a good friend you've been to him over the past months. He's pretty important to Phalen and me, and it's nice to know he's got such a good friend."
"Thanks, Larry. It's nice to meet you too." It seemed to Jeff that Larry was reluctant to release Brad's hand. Jeff's glance flicked to Phalen who was watching his father with a slightly puzzled expression. It seemed he too had noticed his father's unusual behavior. "Phalen's always saying what a great Dad he's got." As he and Larry released hands he noticed Larry's attention be diverted by something. He then noticed Jeff and Phalen had become quiet.
"Um, I think someone behind you wants to speak with you." Larry indicated with a slight nod that someone was standing behind him. He turned around and stopped. Larry moved closer to Phalen and Jeff, moving away from Brad a little. The noise of the arena faded into the background as he watched Brad face a man who seemed almost dead on his feet. 'This must be Brad's ex,' Larry thought to himself as he watched the two men look at each other, unsure how to act. Larry could imagine, under different circumstances, Curt would be a handsome young man. Today, the dark circles under his eyes and the way he carried himself made him look exhausted. He also seemed to be terrified Brad would reject him.
"Uh . . . hi Brad," he stammered, tentatively smiling. He slowly extended his hand, still unsure of his welcome. "I saw you standing here with Jeff and Phalen and I wanted to say congratulations." In the space of a heartbeat, Brad's gaze went from Curt's face, to his extended hand, and back to his face.
"Curt." The word seemed to be almost torn from him. He began to raise his hand to Curt's face but stopped and slowly took his hand in what had to be more of a caress than a handshake. His eyes never left Curt's, and after a few moments it appeared he had to remind himself to free Curt's hand. "I . . . ," he began, and then stopped himself.
Curt cleared his throat, momentarily looking at the three men watching him and Brad. "Jeff told me when he was picking up some of your stuff that your presentation went as well as could be expected and that your instructor stepped in and helped you out." He looked away and then back. "I'm glad I didn't totally ruin it for you."
Jeff could see Brad didn't know what to say. He bowed his head and took a deep breath. "Thanks, Curt. I . . . I appreciate all you've done to make my move as easy as possible." It looked as if he was going to reach out to Curt, but changed his mind at the last moment. Curt caught the aborted move and grinned a crooked grin of understanding.
"Well . . ." he seemed to shuffle his feet, undecided on how to proceed. "I guess I'll see you." He nodded briefly at Jeff then Phalen through suddenly watery eyes and prepared to turn away.
"Curt, wait." Phalen took two quick steps forward and placed his hand on Curt's shoulder. "I haven't had a chance to introduce you to my father, Larry. Dad, this is Curt. He just graduated in business." Larry had been watching the painful exchange and appreciated what his son seemed to be doing.
"It's a pleasure, Curt." Larry returned the firm handshake and smiled. "I'm glad to have an opportunity to meet you." Curt attempted a smile and bobbed his head, swallowing around a lump in his throat. He hesitated a moment before speaking.
"The pleasure's mine. You've got a great son." Curt glanced to Larry's right, acknowledging Phalen. "He's done his best to let me know I'm not alone." He tried to swallow once again and was unable to continue.
"You're not alone, Curt. Things happen to all of us. All we can do is pick ourselves up and move on." He glanced at Phalen for a moment. "You're right though, a person can't have a better friend than my son." He squeezed Phalen's shoulder and then once again turned toward Curt. "You take care of yourself, okay?" Curt nodded. Both Jeff and Phalen gave him a brief hug. With each expression of support he seemed more at a loss as to how he should respond.
Finally, he turned to Brad who had been silently watching what was happening. They awkwardly shook hands, Brad's hand grasped by both of Curt's. "You take care, Brad." There was a moment of silence as Brad tried to find his voice. Finally, he grinned and jerked a nod.
"Yeah, you too." . . . He held onto Curt's hand a moment longer. "Curt, congratulations to you too. I . . . " He bit his lip and then seemed to reach a decision. He raised his fingers to his lips and then reached out and gently brushed them across Curt's cheek. Curt blinked a couple times, compressed his trembling lips and then turned and walked away with his hand to his cheek.
Brad tilted his head back and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to overcome his emotions. He saw Jeff start to reach out to him and held out a warning hand.
"No . . . don't," he said in an emotion-filled voice. "If someone holds me right now I'll break down, and I still have the family to deal with." Jeff stepped back with an understanding nod, but Larry noticed how his hands opened and closed two or three times as if he really wanted to help Brad out. After taking another deep breath Brad squared his shoulders.
"Well." Larry broke the uneasy silence and extended his hand for another handshake, "I'm sure I'll see you over at the guys' house." He grinned encouragingly. "Just like we told your friend. You have to remember you're not alone. We're all here if you need us." He glanced at Jeff and Phalen, standing nearby. "Also, don't worry about your parents. They'll understand what you're going through."
"Yeah, sure. I know. It's just gonna be tough. They never liked Curt, and I'm afraid they'll say, 'I told you so.'"
"I'd bet they won't, but even if they do, so what? You made the decision you thought was necessary. They'll honor that." Larry, reluctantly released Brad's hand and then reached up to squeeze him on the shoulder. "You can handle them. I look forward to getting to know you better." Brad nodded to Larry, then to Jeff and Phalen.
"I'll see you guys back at the house. I'm sure the parents will have something planned." They watched as Brad walked across the floor of the arena to a group of people who smiled and waved a greeting. He acknowledged their wave and stepped into his mother's open arms, resting his head on her shoulder. She patted his back and was joined by his father and brothers who gathered around him, silently giving them their support.
"I knew they'd understand." Larry continued to watch Brad and his parents until the family turned and headed for an exit. Brad was wiping his eyes with his father's handkerchief. His mother was walking at his side with an arm around his waist, and his father was at his other side, with his arm resting on Brad's shoulders. His four brothers trailed behind, speaking among themselves.
Jeff, Phalen and Larry made their way through the maze of chairs and milling families on the arena floor, heading for an exit. Suddenly, Phalen touched Jeff's arm and nodded across the room. Curt was standing with what had to be his family. Like Brad, his mother had her arm around his waist and was looking up at her son with a troubled expression. His father moved to his side and put his arm around his son's shoulders, giving his back a gentle pat.
"He'll be okay." Phalen gave Jeff a satisfied smile as they made their way out of the arena.
Once again, they found themselves in Larry's car with Phalen driving. He looked at his father in the rear view mirror. "Okay, Dad?"
Larry smiled and leaned forward to squeeze Phalen's shoulder and smile broadly. "Never better, Phalen. Never better."
~ To be continued ~
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on this story. I've been overwhelmed at the response to 'Phalen,' and love to hear from each of you.
If you would like me to send you a pic of the guys that inspired the main characters in this story, email me.
I would like to thank Carey for his ceaseless efforts to make me a better writer, Gwynne for her daily doses of humor and her insights into the characters, and Larry in Finland for helping me with the Finnish language and for being a good friend. Writing may be a solitary endeavor but the thoughts of each of these people, as well as you, the story's readers, affect the story's course.
Thanks for reading.
Roy roynm@mac.com