Phalen

This story was originally posted in February 2005 in the College section on Nifty. This new version "fleshes-out" many of the characters and seeks to address items I felt were lacking in the original. The essence of the story remains the same.

This story contains portrayals of homosexual actions and lifestyles. There may be references to, or explicit descriptions of, sex between consenting adults.

If homosexuality, sexually explicit language, or swearing offends you, or if reading material that contains these topics violates any law or personal or religious beliefs, you must exit now without proceeding further.

If you are under 18 years of age, you may not read this story because it is against the law.

This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblances to actual persons are completely coincidental.

Roy roynm@mac.com

Phalen, Chapter Three

Bedlam reigned. At exactly 8 am, the first delivery of the day arrived. Phalen stayed in the kitchen near the coffee maker, out of sight. Grumpy that people began showing up so early, he was determined to remain naked.

"If the delivery guys don't like seeing me naked, then they don't have to look," he groused. "I'm not changing the way I live 'cause some guy doesn't approve."

I hadn't expected the delivery guys to show up so early either. I had just finished my morning swim when the doorbell rang. I scrambled to pull on a pair of shorts, and answered the door still dripping wet and smelling of chlorine.

Phalen, holding his coffee cup, laughed as I ran past the kitchen. "For a nudist Jeff, you seem to always be putting on clothes!" he shouted as I headed to the door.

"Larry said Phalen was a bitch in the morning," I thought. "He wasn't exaggerating."

After about twenty minutes, the delivery completed, Phalen walked past on his way to the shower stopping to sensuously rub himself against me while giving me a deep kiss. "What are we going to do when the delivery guys are gone, big boy? I'm available if you'd like to play," he said as he turned to leave the room.

"Hey Phalen," I said. "Nice view." He stopped, looking back at me to see what I was talking about. "Your butt," I said in explanation. He smiled, turned his back to me and wiggled his ass a couple times.

"Whenever you want it Jeff. It's yours," he said as he disappeared into the bathroom.

I went instantly cold. Like always, all it took were a few words to bring on the anxiety. I knew that I would have to face my past, and Phalen, sooner or later. The more I thought about that inevitability the worse my anxiety became. I would break out in a cold sweat, becoming a child again. All I could think about was the pain and humiliation, and crying myself to sleep. I felt trapped between my past, and the dread of having to face the issue. Phalen had been wonderful so far, only hinting about anal sex. Someday he would ask why I had been unwilling to venture there. Then I would have to do something.

I rubbed my arms trying to warm up, finally going outside into the desert heat, to let the sun do the job. The memories wouldn't go away outside, but at least in the Arizona sunshine I wouldn't feel chilled.

I was talking to one of the deliverymen when Larry and a woman I took to be his wife pulled into their driveway. I headed over to say hello.

"Hey Jeff, How's the move going?" Larry said as he got out of the car.

"Pretty good Larry. Phalen's a big help."

"Good for him. Jeff, I'd like you to meet Helen, my wife and Phalen's mother. Dear, this is Jeff our new neighbor. Phalen's been helping him out with his move."

I greeted Helen. She was a small woman that looked like the stereotypical librarian. I knew she wasn't even forty years old, but the way she dressed and carried herself made her look much older. She certainly was a contrast to Larry who looked as if he was in his twenties. Standing next to Helen, Larry almost looked like he was escorting his mother. She had Phalen's blue eyes, but on her they seemed cold and disapproving, while Phalen's sparkled with amusement.

"It's nice to meet you Jeff," she said in a surprisingly low voice. I hope Phalen's been behaving himself. --- Has he tried to clean your house yet?"

"That would be pretty difficult. The place is a mess since everything is either wrapped in plastic or still in boxes. He did tell me he was a neat freak. I know the mess is driving him crazy."

"I often tell him he could give Martha Stewart a few lessons in how to clean," she said with a thin smile.

"I wouldn't have been able to get anything accomplished without him. I never realized how bad it was going to be to have a whole house-full of furniture and things delivered at the same time. Phalen says the place looks like a warehouse," I laughed. "I'm sure he'll get everything whipped into shape in no time. I just follow orders."

"Where is he now?" said Larry.

"He's inside probably ripping plastic off of something," I said, but before I had a chance to get him, Phalen came outside looking for me and saw me speaking with his parents.

"He's making sure that I'm not taking a break," I told Larry as Phalen ran over and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek and Larry a hug. He then stood close to me. I could tell that Larry caught the significance of where his son was standing. Helen didn't react. I was surprised that Phalen didn't put his arm around me. He wouldn't make concessions for the delivery people, but he would for his mother.

"Jeff tells us you're being a big help," Helen said looking up at her son.

"We're making progress mother," he said. "But if the deliveries don't stop soon, we're going to have to start putting things in the driveway until we can get them sorted out. The place is a mess," he said causing his parents to laugh.

"Come on dear. Let's get inside and leave the guys alone so they can do their work," Larry said reaching into the car's trunk and pulling out an overnight bag. "I need to change into shorts, I'm burning up."

"Phalen," his mother said looking at him strangely, taking him by the arm. "Something's different about you. What is it? What's going on?"

"I'm smiling mother. I haven't done much of that in quite a while. In fact, I'm having the time of my life," he said leaning over to give her another kiss on the cheek. Then he waved and ran back to the house.

I watched him as he ran. Just like his father, Phalen took the long strides of a practiced runner. I liked that he chose not to wear those baggy shorts popular with most guys. Instead, Phalen wore brief nylon jogging shorts that were slit up each side, showing off his muscular legs. "Damn, he's got sexy calves," I thought. "No chicken legs on this boy. The tight 'ASU baseball' t-shirt showed off the arms and pecs of an athlete. His nipples, stiff nubs on either side of the ASU Sundevil mascot, were constantly teased by the t-shirt's fabric.

"Something about him is different Larry," she said turning to look at her husband. "He's acting differently. He was almost giggling. --- Do you think it could be drugs?" she said before she realized that I could hear her.

"That's nonsense Helen. We'll figure it out," Larry said smiling at me over Helen's head.

"I don't like it when I don't know what's going on," she complained as she shouldered a bag and turned to go inside.

"It was a pleasure meeting you Helen, I said with a nod. "Now, I'd better go check on what's happening. You both will have to come over for a barbecue when things settle down. I've yet to find the dishes, so I'm not entertaining till then!"

"Great," said Larry. "I'll bring the beer."

"Beer?" Helen said looking up at him. "Larry, you don't drink beer. We've discussed that, remember?"

I waved as I ran back to my house feeling sorry for Larry. After meeting Helen I could imagine what it must be like living with her. Like Phalen, Larry was a fun loving guy who enjoyed telling a joke and teasing people. I was glad that my mother was far away. The thought of Helen and my mother getting together to compare notes on how to throw a damper on a good time made for the stuff of nightmares.

I was not looking forward to the day Phalen decided to come out to his mother. She didn't strike me as being a very flexible or understanding person and I could see how she might easily transfer her anger to me. I had no doubt that Phalen could handle her wrath. I wasn't sure that I could.

In a flash of insight, I realized that one of my biggest personal problems was that I had never learned how to cope with conflict while I was growing up. I never saw anyone argue. I also never saw the negotiation that could contribute to a resolution, and I never learned how a "loser" coped with defeat. As an adult I had no idea how to act when placed in such a position were there was a disagreement. My instinct told me to not argue, but to leave. One part of me balked at the idea of running away, while another part said that running was the only way to survive.

I spoke to Phalen of my worries. He didn't think anything was amiss when I spoke to him about how his mother was behaving. "She's always like that," he said. "She's so serious it drives dad and me nuts sometimes. I don't think she'd know a joke if it hit her," he said clapping his hands together with a loud smack. Maybe that's why I like to horse around so much --- you think?"

"Phalen, what are you going to do tonight if she expects you to come home to sleep?"

He thought for a moment then said simply, "I'll tell her I'm staying here. I better come up with a plan for when school starts though.

"We need to discuss what my status is in your house, Jeff. Sometimes I feel like I'm a guest. Other times I feel like I'm your lover and that I live here. I don't like to assume something, otherwise I may end up being disappointed when my assumptions don't match yours."

"What status do you want to have Phalen? Do you think we can make a decision based on knowing each other for so few days?"

He was quiet for a few moments. "When I volunteered to help with your move, I expected to go back home next Monday. Now that I've been here I don't want to leave. I guess it's a combination of things --- being away from my mom, and away from home for the first time is nice, but mainly I don't want to go back because I don't want to be away from you," he said loosely hugging me.

"Do you think that I may be just the excuse that you're using to leave home?"

"No, I've already thought of that. I'm glad to be away from home sure, but I wouldn't want to stay with you if that was the only reason.

"Jeff, look at your argument from the opposite side. Do you want me to stay because you're tired of being lonely, and you like the idea of a handsome stud like me sharing your bed?"

"Handsome stud, huh?"

"Yep, that's what you keep telling me."

"I've considered that possibility," I said. "I don't want you to leave. Like your father said the other night, you are an adult, and are capable of making your own decisions. So Phalen, don't leave. I would like you to share this house with me."

"Is that the same as a proposal?" he asked in his teasing voice. "Aren't you supposed to be down on your knees or something?"

"It's as close to a proposal as you're going to get from me today," I said. "And, no, I get down on my knees to do other things, not to ask you to live with me."

"Then I accept! --- If mom asks me to come home, I'll say I can't, that you've just proposed, and I've decided to live my life in sin. How do you think she will like that?" he chuckled, pulling me closer and giving me a peck on the tip of my nose. "By the way, I liked your down-on-your-knees joke. You need to do more of that kind of thing. Stop being so serious all the time."

"Phalen, aren't you insecure about something?" I said sitting on the newly unwrapped sofa, kicking the plastic out of the way. "I mean, I'm always telling you about my problems and you sit there seeming to be so perfect --- so secure. It's not natural."

"Sure, I have insecurities, everyone does," he said moving closer to me and putting his arm around my shoulders and leaning his head against mine. "I'm afraid of failure for instance, of not living up to my own expectations of what I can do. I'm afraid of being abandoned. I don't know of another way to put it. I really hate being alone.

"It's tough for me to think about leaving the security of dad's and mom's home to live with you, because I know that they won't abandon me. I believe you won't, but I don't know that you won't." I reached up to squeeze his hand, acknowledging his anxiety.

"I sometimes cover up my emotions by joking," he continued. "I cry easily. Too easily, I think. I can burst into tears watching a television commercial --- not the kind for Viagra, but when that soldier hears the voice that says he should call home 'cause his mother would like to know he's okay. It gets me every time.

"Is that enough? I can go on."

"I've never seen you experience any of those things," I said.

"Sure you have. I felt that you might abandon me for Thian. I know you said you wouldn't, but I was still afraid you might. --- Because you were holding me like you were and showing such concern for my feelings, I started to cry. I just covered it up with a joke about my nose running.

"You don't have a corner on insecurity Jeff."

"I know that, you just seem to be so mature, compared with me."

"Thanks, I've always been an early bloomer," Phalen said chuckling. "I asked dad about the birds and bees when I was seven. I thought that I had waited long enough for him to volunteer the information and he hadn't --- so I asked. After I heard all that shit I thought yuck, that's not for me!"

"My dad never did tell me about the birds and bees," I said.

"He didn't? Well, let me tell you all about it," he said sitting up suddenly all excited.

"Phalen! I guess that I must have picked up what I needed to know somewhere. You don't have to tell me! I'm not sure I'd be able to recognize your version anyhow," I said laughing at his disappointed expression.

"Oh, too bad. --- I guess I'll have to give Kerin my funny lines. You sure you don't want to know? He paused, waiting for me to say something. The pause extended. Are you sure you don't want to know about them?" he asked again.

I didn't say anything.

"I give up," he laughed, throwing his hands in the air.

"Good. When I'm around you I sometimes I feel like the straight man in a comedy routine!"

"Straight man? --- I get it. --- Jeff, no one would ever take you for a straight man."

Phalen must have noticed my reaction to his quip. "Oops, we've stumbled onto one of those insecurities, haven't we?

"Don't worry big man. The night I met you I'd never have suspected that you were gay if you hadn't kept stuttering every time I smiled. Then you practically stripped me with your eyes immediately after you shook my hand. I'm surprised dad didn't notice. All you needed to do to get me out of my clothes was to say, 'Phalen --- get naked'."

"Is that right?"

"Sure it is. You just made me take the pepperoni pizza route instead. It's not as fast, but just as effective," he said crossing his arms over his chest and smiling.

"Okay Phalen," I said. "Get naked. I want to lick your nipples. --- Did I say the magic words?"

"I must have," I thought, because in a flash Phalen was standing in front of me stripping off his t-shirt and dropping his nylon jogging shorts.

"Hold it, Phalen," I ordered when only his jock remained. "Leave your jock on. I like the way that your pubic hair sticks out the sides the pouch," I said facing him as he stood in front of me and running my hands down his legs to his muscular calves while I nuzzled his pouch. "I like the way you smell when you've been exercising," I murmured. I began lightly running my hands up the back of his thighs while I licked his sweaty pouch. I was glad he was wearing a white jock today. I like the white ones because I can see where his cock has drooled when he gets excited. When I grasped his cheeks and began to squeeze, a tremor ran through his body and he had to steady himself by grabbing my shoulders.

"You like that sexy man?" I muttered as I licked and sucked on his jock-pouch. When he didn't answer, I slapped his butt cheek once, making him jump. "I asked you a question, Phalen," I said keeping my voice low.

"Yes sir, I love it," he said quickly.

"Love what?"

"Love when you squeeze my ass cheeks and suck on my sweaty jock."

"Tell me what you want me to do to you, Phalen."

"Lick my nipples, sir. I want to feel you nibble on them. Make me unload in my jock."

"Is that what you want Phalen? --- How much do you want it?" I asked.

"Yes sir, please sir. I want it bad. You've got me so hard," he said as he pushed his pouch against my open mouth. "Please sir, my nipples."

"Your nipples, huh?"

I began licking a line from his jock following the hair to his navel, then over his abdominal muscles, working my way to his pecs. I didn't touch either nipple.

Phalen squirmed and groaned as I licked across each of his pecs then moved on to each armpit. Phalen was teaching me how sexy a guy's pits could be.

"Please sir," he groaned.

I ignored him, continuing to lick up the side of his neck, to his ear, then over his jaw to his mouth.

He attacked my tongue as I touched his lips. I grabbed his hands as he attempted to touch himself, causing him to moan in frustration and try to rub against me.

I grabbed his butt to stop him moving, maintaining our kiss while I ran my fingers through his hair then down his back.

He now began to beg, wordlessly urging me o, trying to communicate his growing need for release. I lightly dragged my fingertips over his ass cheeks, then slowly up his sides. By now he was quivering in anticipation. His eyes were closed and he was taking deep breaths through his open mouth. I eventually began running my fingers over his chest, never touching his nipples.

Once --- twice, I circled each nipple. He was trembling, he needed to cum so badly. "You like me to do that Phalen?" I asked in a voice so low he could barely hear me.

"Yes sir, please --- please sir."

"Please sir what, Phalen?"

"Make me cum," he whimpered. "Please . . . "

I moved back far enough to watch his face. He was covered with a fine sheen of sweat, his eyes begging me for release. His arms were stiff at his sides, hands clenched in an effort to not touch himself. As I continued to circle his nipples, he broke eye contact and tilted his head back, closing his eyes and opening his mouth, and losing himself in the sensations.

The circles got smaller. Then without warning, the only part of my body touching him, I barely brushed the tip of one finger over each hard nub of skin, caressing the tip of each nipple.

He gasped once, and bucked his hips. I could tell he was shooting his load into his jock. With each pulse of his penis, he thrust his hips, but never touched himself. I continued teasing his nipples until the thrusts had stopped.

Slowly he stopped gasping for breath. I placed my hand over his mouth for a second, wordlessly instructing him not to speak. Then I began retracing the route my tongue had taken earlier. He quivered from time to time, still coming down from his orgasm. I reached the front of his jock, his thick cum oozing through the fabric. The smell of it, combined with his man-smell was intoxicating, and I began sucking his jiz through the pouch, kneading his ass cheeks.

In no time he was stiff again. I hummed in admiration, then began removing his jock. I loved the line of demarcation between the deep tan of his stomach, and the unblemished white of the area normally covered by a swim suit. I admired the dense black hair of his pubes, and his thick white penis slick with the remnants of his recent orgasm. When he sprang free I stopped a moment to look at his beautiful cock with its wide flared head pulsing directly in front of my face. A strand of clear pre cum formed at its tip as I watched, then elongated as it stretched for the floor.

I couldn't stand merely looking any longer. I began sucking him, first slowly running my tongue over the sensitive underside of his penis, then burying my face in his wiry hair, impaling my mouth on his dick. He had spread his legs for balance, and I gently began running my fingers up his thighs, to his asshole, knowing from previous experience that his hole was almost as sensitive as his nipples.

Most of our lovemaking was slow and sensuous. I wanted this was no different, wanting to prolong the excitement as long as possible. Phalen was capable of a quick recovery and I thought it might be interesting sometime to see which of us would wear out first. I expected that I would be the one.

Phalen's body did not want to go slowly today. After only a few down-strokes of my mouth, the first jet of cum hit the back of my throat. The second and third coated my tongue. I continued milking his penis until he was dry, then pulled him close to me, his pubes rubbing my cheek while I continued to massage his cheeks.

He took a breath to say something and I reached up quickly to put my fingers over his mouth. I wanted both of us to enjoy the afterglow in silence.

Instead of saying something, he licked my fingers once then kissed the palm of my hand, and signed in contentment.

While his pubic hair tickled my nose, I realized that my jock was also sticky.

Since I started my move I had been back to my old place twice. Each time I went dreading a possible encounter with one of my old roommates. I especially wanted to avoid Jake.

I had always hated my living arrangements, but housing within walking distance of campus was in very short supply. I also had practically no free time, so I stayed where I was, figuring it was better than nothing. That had been true until last year when football player Jake had moved in, replacing one of the guys that had graduated.

Jake was trouble from the start. He never seemed to go to class. He was drunk much of the time. He had wild parties that the three of us were unable to work or sleep through, and worst of all, he used our shared house as a flophouse for his street people friends.

Neither of the other guys liked Jake any more than I did, but all of us were too intimidated to do anything about getting him to move.

Jake knew the effect he had on people and seemed to revel in the fact that he could always get his way through intimidation. He would cross his beefy arms in front of his chest, flex his biceps and block the door to the room. The unspoken threat was, "you do what I say or suffer the consequences."

After Jake moved in I began spending many nights each week at the architecture building, ostensibly working on a project, but actually using the design lab as a place to sleep. The administration frowned on people sleeping in the design labs but could do little about it since many students worked all night on their projects, and many took brief naps in between periods of feverish work. I became adept at sleeping in almost any position, but my preferred place was the one-foot-wide footrest underneath my drafting table. Other times I leaned forward and rested my head on my closed laptop. I got much better sleep laying on the footrest than sleeping in my bed at home.

Overall things worked out pretty well when I stayed away from home. I always carried a couple changes of clothes with me in my gym bag. I washed them in one of the dorm laundries if I hadn't been home in a few days. Every morning I would use the student Rec. Center for my daily swim and to shower and shave. There were plenty of places both on and off campus to eat, so food didn't pose a problem.

I hated feeling that I couldn't go home though. I never did know how my other two roommates handled the situation. Neither of them had drafting tables to sleep under. I also hated the realization that I was a coward for not standing up to Jake. I had seen Jack take on one of his friends, leaving the guy unconscious on the living room floor. "Well," I thought. "At least I still have all my teeth. His friend couldn't say the same thing."

I knew that I had to do something to get out of the situation. I planned all along to build my house immediately after graduation. Since everything was ready to go I selected a contractor that was comfortable with my being only twenty-one and got the project underway just a few weeks after meeting Jake. I took pains to make sure that none of the roommates knew where my house was being built. They all knew what I was doing, they just didn't know where.

My only remaining task was to clear out my belongings. Phalen loaned me his car for the first two trips. Both times I was lucky, the house was empty except for a couple people who were passed out in the living room. I quickly filled boxes and plastic bags with anything I could grab, then carried everything out to the car, careful not to wake any of the people lying on the floor.

I shuddered as I walked through the living room the first time. There was half eaten food on plates scattered around as well as empty beer bottles and various pieces of clothing were laying everywhere, not to mention the people. The smell of the place was enough to make a person gag. I felt lucky though. No one had broken into my room. After I saw used syringes one time, I would wonder if one of the people on the floor might be dead. I wouldn't have been surprised.

I was in such a rush that my room was a wreck when I left. No one had ever accused me of being neat, but I wanted to get out as fast as possible, so the room was in even worst shape than usual. Being neat about it was not my concern. I smiled to myself as I drove back home with a loaded car. I could imagine what Phalen, the self-described "neat freak" would say if he saw the room.

I had told Phalen about Jake, and had asked Phalen to come along on my final trip back, warning him of the messy room and hoping that the two of us would be able to get anything remaining cleared out as quickly as possible. If we had been five minutes later everything would have been fine. As it was, Jake was coming out of the house just as Phalen pulled into the driveway.

"Hey Jeff," he called, slapping me on the back as I got out of the car. He nodded to Phalen who just smiled. "I was hoping that I'd see you. I thought that maybe I could move out of this dump," he said pointing to the place we'd been sharing, "and move in with you. I'd be willing to bet that your place is a lot larger than this, and think of the parties we could have if we had some more space!"

I noticed Phalen listening wide-eyed as he opened the trunk to his car, shuffling around, making room for my belongings. I could tell that he didn't like Jake any more than I did.

"Well Jake," I said avoiding the arm that he was trying to drape over my shoulders, by turning to ask if Phalen needed any help. "Since you haven't seen my new place, you wouldn't know that it's really pretty small. It's a bachelor pad, ya know? You probably have more space to party here, especially now with me gone. And I'm told that the new neighborhood is pretty conservative when it comes to noise. You're really better off here."

He wouldn't let up. "Nah Jeff. I've always liked you and how you kept your room so clean, and all. I thought we'd be good roomies. Just the two of us having a great time."

"Jake, I don't have enough room for a roommate. I only have one bedroom! Hell, the place is small enough that neither of us would be able to move around. I'm tired of having room mates," I continued as the three of us went inside and down the hall to my old room.

As the door swung open, Phalen stood still taking it all in. "This is your room Jeff?" he asked turning to me. "Who trashed it?" he asked as he waded in and started picking things up and indiscriminately began stuffing them into bags and boxes. As Phalen worked, Jake continued to pressure me into becoming roommates. When Jake seemed to finally be winding down leaving a lull in the conversation Phalen said, "don't you ever pick up anything Jeff? This place is a mess."

"Who's he, your mother?" asked Jake in his regular sarcastic tone, loud enough for Phalen to hear.

"Nope, I'm just his next door neighbor who's volunteered to help him shift his belongings," said Phalen as he hefted a box full of things and squeezed past Jake on his way out to the car. "Shake a leg Jeff, we need to get this stuff cleaned out before dark. --- Is this person passed out or dead?" he shouted back to us as he crossed the living room.

"He going to be your roommate Jeff?" Jake said nodding to Phalen's retreating back. "He's a fag. You don't want to hang around with no fags do ya Jeff?" I just stared at him, not knowing how to respond. I had never been faced with such a blatant case of homophobia before. I never liked Jake, but now I thought that I could learn to fear him.

Phalen had come back for another load and gave a tight grin to Jake as he passed, then started loading more boxes.

"Jake, what are you thinking?" I almost yelled at him. I'm glad I'm getting out of this place if you're talking like that about people you don't even know. Do you think that just because you're a big guy that you can go around and call people names?"

"He's a fag Jeff," Jake said, "deliberately speaking loud enough for Phalen to hear him." I noticed Phalen momentarily stop moving after Jake's comment. He continued picking things up and packing them into all the boxes that we had brought over. I went over to help him out and further distance myself from Jake. I felt dirtied by the big man's presence.

"Jake --- get lost, okay? I'm trying to get out of here. I don't have space for a roommate. I need to stop talking and start helping out, and I especially wouldn't want a roommate that calls people names. Someday, you're going to say something like that and the person is going to take you down."

"Never happened yet Jeff," he said crossing his arms and smiling.

I always hated that laughing skull tattoo he had on his bicep and his sarcastic way of speaking. It made almost everything he said sound like a sneer.

"Well maybe it hasn't happened yet, but just because it hasn't, doesn't mean it can't. Now I've got to get out of here today. I'll see you round," I said as I turned my back, obviously going to ignore him.

"Fag?" Phalen mouthed the word to me as he continued picking up the room.

After about an hour of working, mostly in silence, we had cleaned the room to Phalen's satisfaction and left, without encountering anyone else. "Damn," I thought. "I'm glad to be gone from there." I wanted too take a shower, I felt so dirtied by the house and the encounter with Jake.

"Interesting guy, that Jake," said Phalen as he drove us back to the house. "Seems pretty messed up. Your other roomies like him?

Something in Phalen's voice was different. He wasn't joking around like usual, nor was he using his high school student's choice of words. "No, just him."

After a couple minutes he said. "Do they know you're gay?"

"Hell Phalen, until a couple days ago even I didn't know I was gay! What are you trying to say? Jake's an ass, no one pays attention to him! Don't let him get to you," I said, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. Knowing Phalen, I should have realized it wouldn't be.

"I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to say," Phalen said slowly as if he were trying to come up with the correct words. "It just seemed that you got really uncomfortable when he said I was a fag."

"I know I did."

"Why? Didn't it upset you for him to be talking like that?"

"Fuck Phalen! You saw him! You saw that house. It was a mess. He's a mess. I'm just glad I'm out of there. Jake's a jerk. He's always going around calling people names. --- No one pays attention to him."

"Maybe they should --- you think?" he said looking over at me with the most serious expression I had ever seen him use. Normally, he wouldn't stop smiling. "What do you think the real reason is that you seem to be so uncomfortable? You already knew Jake was an ass. That bothered you, sure. You'd still talk to him though. You didn't seem all that uncomfortable, until he called me a fag."

"Phalen, let's not talk about this anymore --- okay?" He was quiet, not looking at me. "Phalen, I said," trying to find the words. "Yes, I was bothered by what Jake said. I'm not sure whether it's because he called you a fag or if it's just because he used the word. You've got to understand something about me. I grew up in a household that was very reserved. My parents love me, but they never showed any affection to me, my brother, or to each other. They also never argued. I mean never. Not once did I ever experience conflict. No one ever raised their voice. Compared to the parents of some of my friends, mine were like statues. We never laughed in my family. No one told jokes or seemed to do anything spontaneously.

"I didn't know that there was any other way of living, until I came back to the States and began school here. Everything was so different. I was frightened Phalen. I still am in fact. I'm frightened of not fitting in, of speaking English with an accent, of not being attracted to women like all the other guys around me, of laughing when I shouldn't, or not laughing when I should. I'm afraid of conflict. I spent the entire time I've gone to school here frightened of letting down my guard over one thing or another. I'm pretty messed up.

"In four years of school, the night that I met you was the first time I let my guard down. The first time Phalen. I'm that frightened! When I'm with you, most of the time I can relax. The minute I leave the house, I'm afraid I'm going to do something wrong.

"I can't spend time analyzing whether Jake's a bigot and what I should do about it. I'm too busy trying to hold myself together."

Phalen looked over at me while we were stopped at a light. "There's more to it than your accent and your parents, isn't there Jeff?" He asked quietly.

I barely nodded.

"Do you think you could talk about it? You know I'm not going to hurt you, don't you?"

"I know you won't Phalen ----- But --- I --- I just can't. Please don't ask me to, okay?

He opened his mouth to say something.

"Please, Phalen."

"Okay, but could you tell me if this has anything to do with Jake calling me a fag?"

"No, it doesn't. Phalen --- life for me has pretty much been awful. I grew up alone."

"What about your parents?"

"Alone Phalen. They barely knew I existed. I always had clothes and food and things like that, but nothing more. I never went anyplace with my parents. I never did anything but stay at home. There was nothing to do but study. So I studied --- a lot. That didn't help my loneliness though.

One time, my grandfather paid for me to come visit him in the States. I jumped at the chance to go. He and I communicated by email all the time. I realized after a few minutes of being around him how out of touch I was with the real world. Of course I was in a different environment, but it was more than that. It was total culture shock. I might as well have been from Mars. I knew that little about how to behave. I think my grandfather pitied me, but there wasn't a lot that he could do to change things. Because of that trip, I knew it would be rough coming back to the States to go to school. I thought that after a few months I would be fine. I'm still not fine and I've been here for four fucking years!

"Damn. This is so hard to do," I said struggling to continue. By now we had pulled into the driveway. He had stopped the engine and was sitting quietly watching me as he listened. As I sat trying to decide how to go on, he reached over and took my hand, gently squeezing it, giving me permission to say whatever I was feeling. I kept a grip on his hand and continued.

"When your father introduced me to you, I was shocked. You know you're freeking wonderful, don't you?" I said borrowing one of his phrases. "I mean not only your looks, or your smile, but how exuberant you are, how free you are with your affection, and how you dealt with your father when he found us naked. Phalen, I have never experienced anyone like you. I mean ever. That first night I was in a daze. All I could think was, 'how could a person like you possibly be interested in a social misfit like me'?

"Anyhow," I continued, finding it difficult to swallow. "All I've thought about for the last few days is you." I looked up at him and saw his watery eyes. He didn't say anything so I continued. "What I'm trying to say is that I've hardly begun to understand my feelings, about you, about being gay, about everything really. I haven't sorted things out yet. They're all jumbled around in my brain. I hated it when Jake used the word 'fag.' I hated it more when he was using that word referring to you. I knew that he was showing how bigoted he is, but my upbringing kicked in. I didn't know what to do. It was easier to pretend he didn't say it. --- I know that was wrong to do, but at the moment there was nothing else I could do. Do you understand? I hope so, because I really want you to."

"We come from different worlds, don't we Jeff? I didn't know that about your life. It must have been really lonely growing up like that. I know now what's happening in your mind, so I won't push as hard. But I have to push Jeff. Do you understand? You and I need to talk about Jake and people like him. --- Is it okay if we talk about it later?"

"Yeah sure. If I said 'no' you'd still bring it up, I bet," I managed a smile.

"Probably. I just think you and I can't let someone like Jake and people like him get away with that kind of thing. If other people let him, that's their problem. We shouldn't let him.

"Jeff," he said taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling. "You're really good at deflecting the real problem. It's not Jake, or being called a fag, or being held, or your parents. It's something much bigger. I'm not going to say anything more, so don't look at me like that. But you really need to let loose. And when you do, remember that I'm there for you, okay?"

I nodded. "I know that Phalen," I murmured.

"Good. --- Now start believing it."

In an abrupt change of mood he said as we both wiped our eyes. "You know of course that I think you're an awesome man." He raised the garage door and we drove inside. "Yep --- for sure --- definitely awesome. --- Especially the butt! --- The chest's not too bad either. --- C'mere, give me a kiss," he said pulling me to him and gently pressing his lips to mine.

"Hella good kisser too," he said as our lips parted. "Did I mention your pits? And your dick? --- Oh, and you can cook too. What more could a guy ask for?" he smiled as he opened the car's trunk and picked up a box.

I followed behind thinking, "A guy could ask for much more."

As we went in, the doorbell rang. "If it's another delivery tell 'em to just put whatever it is on the driveway. We're totally out of space. --- I swear Jeff, we're going to have a yard sale with brand new things."

"I'm sure the deliveries are over," I said setting down the box I was carrying and going to open the door. It was Steve, a friend of mine that had worked with me on the design of my office. He was going to be installing everything and was here to check that all of the outlets had been placed exactly where he wanted them. I introduced Steve to Phalen, who shook Steve's hand, gave him one of his prize-winning smiles, and went about unloading the car.

"Cool house, Jeff, I bet you're glad to be away from the slime balls you were living with," Steve said as he examined the room I was going to use as an office. I didn't defend the old roommates, as Steve continued to examine each wall in the room, crawling over things and moving boxes to verify that everything was where it should be.

"You're going to have a fantastic office Jeff. What's all of this stuff? Does it all belong in here?"

"I really don't know Steve. Things started arriving so fast we just had the guys set things wherever there was room. We'll get everything cleared out so you can work. There's office furniture somewhere. We'll find it."

When Phalen came into the room to tell me that he had finished unloading the car, Steve asked him, "You and Jeff know each other very long, Phalen?"

"No, we met just a couple days ago. I live next door with my parents so I've been watching the house as it was built. Nice place, he's got here isn't it?" As Steve bent over to inspect another outlet or something, Phalen looked at me and winked, gesturing for me to take a look at Steve's butt. I smiled and nodded.

"Well, if you ever decide to leave home, maybe Jeff can spare some room, right Jeff?"

"I mean he must have some extra furniture somewhere in all these boxes, and I could set up the extra room as your office --- no charge of course. Any friend of Jeff's is a friend of mine."

"Well I'm staying here at least until Spring Break is over to help him get this mess sorted out," said Phalen. "I don't think we'll get it all done that fast though."

"I think you should hang around longer than one week," said Steve. "I mean, you guys can hardly get to know each other in just a week."

"Phalen can stay as long as he wants Steve. He knows that." I said.

"There, you see? You guys are practically living together already." He laughed, slapped me on the back, and smiled at Phalen, giving him a thumbs-up sign as he turned to go. "My wife tells me I'm a match maker," he joked. "I can't help it. Boy friends, girlfriends, partners, you name it. I'll find a match! I want everyone to be happy! You know a single female dog by any chance? I've the perfect match," he joked as we saw him to the door.

"I'll get back with you when I've gotten everything ready to install Jeff. Nice meeting you too Phalen," he said as they shook hands. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you around. You guys take care," he yelled as he got into his car and drove off.

We had no sooner closed the door than my cell rang.

"This place is Grand Central Station, I swear!" yelled Phalen raising his arms and turning to leave.

"Phalen, it's for you," I said. "It's your parents."

"Oh, --- then it's okay." he said grinning.

I began carrying all of the clothes we had just picked up, back to the laundry, noting that Phalen had started one of his animated conversations. I wanted to get everything washed. Somehow, I didn't even like the idea that the clothes had been in that old place. I wanted everything to be clean. "It's going to be so cool to have my own laundry," I thought. "No more sneaking into the dorm to wash my clothes. --- And I can shave at my own sink!" The realization that I no longer had to let other people determine where I washed, showered and slept was still sinking in. I was so happy.

Phalen came into the laundry looking troubled.

"What's up with your parents?"

"That was dad. Something's going on. He said mom just left to go to my grandmother's. She shouldn't be leaving. She and dad just got back, and it's tax season. She's a CPA Jeff. She doesn't just up and leave, especially not now. She seemed kinda preoccupied when we were talking to them a while ago. Something's going on with her and dad," he said frowning.

"Jeff, do you mind if I invite dad over? I know he's over a lot but I'd like him to know that he's not alone. He sounded kind of down when he called to tell me about mom."

"Larry can come over anytime except when we're having sex," I said. "Though since we're discovering your kinky side you might enjoy that too," I teased. "Go get him and we can make something to eat. Be sure to let him know that he's more than welcome."

"Thanks Jeff," Phalen said, giving me a quick kiss then running into the maze. A few seconds later he yelled, "Jeff, I'm lost. I can't find the front door!"

"Ha Ha Ha," I yelled back.

I still hadn't located the box with the dishes when I heard Phalen and Larry outside. We're going to have to get this placed organized," I thought. I was getting tired of eating off of paper plates. I had enough of that kind of thing while living in the architecture building. Now that I had a house, I wanted to eat off of real dishes.

I heard Phalen tell his father to close his eyes, and looked up to see him lead Larry to just inside the front door. "Okay, now you can open them," he said, barely able to suppress a laugh.

"Holy shit!" Larry said with a surprised look on his face. "You guys weren't kidding about the place being full, were you? What is all this? I thought you said you liked the spare look Jeff. Maybe our definitions are different. --- I know, I bet you've got someone else's furniture in addition to yours!"

"I hadn't thought of that," I said laughing. "Someone's probably wondering when their sofa is going to show up."

"And their bedroom set," said Phalen.

"And the dining room set," continued Larry beginning to laugh. "Thanks for the invitation to dinner. I couldn't believe it when Phalen said you hadn't been able to find the silverware. Now I can understand. I'm glad that we brought some with us. You know Jeff, I think this is the first time I've been invited to someone's house for dinner and had to bring my own silverware," he said as Phalen led him through the maze toward the back yard. "I hope you don't mind."

"No, otherwise we'd be eating steak with our fingers, and I'm not the back-to-nature sort," I laughed.

"You mean I should have brought some for you too?" he said with a grin. I thought nudists were nature people," he said sitting down and stretched his long legs out in front of him. He was an entirely different person that I had seen only a short while ago.

"Maybe some nudists are, but not me. I like the comforts of home."

"I can tell. You've got enough in there for two homes," Larry joked.

"Or three," said Phalen grinning and winking at me.

"That's enough guys."

"Jeff, do you still happen to have any of that beer that I sent over?" Larry asked. I was preoccupied with the silverware and forgot to bring some with me."

"Sure, we've still got two left," I told him. "We had one each, and you had two the other night. I guess Phalen and I aren't very big drinkers," I said as I went inside to get them for him. He popped the top, leaned back in his chair, sighed and looked around.

"This is really nice guys. Thanks for inviting me over. It's good to be able to laugh."

"I don't know about you guys," announced Phalen while his father took another swallow from the bottle, "but I'm going for a swim. It's too hot standing here like this." With that he stripped naked, dropped his clothes at his father's feet, and dove into the pool. Larry stared after him without saying a word.

"Cool Larry?" I said.

He gave a small nod of his head. "Yeah, I guess. I'm going to have to get used to this new man. He's not at all like the boy I introduced you to. I'm still getting my mind around everything. A lot has changed, and I have to sort through things a little at a time. --- I'm not accustomed to him dropping his clothes on the floor like that. Normally, he immediately puts things away," he said looking up at me and grinning.

"I can't let him know that some of the things he does surprise me or he'll see how far he can go before he gets a reaction out of me," he said turning to look at Phalen as he began his return lap. "He's always been that way. Always pushing the limits.

"I can't tell you Jeff, how much I enjoy seeing him happy. He's been sad for so long, I was thinking that was normal for him. --- I'm glad it wasn't. It's as if you turned on a light switch or something --- old Phalen --- click --- new Phalen."

"Dad, Jeff, come on in. Let's swim before dinner!" Phalen yelled. Larry looked reluctant. "Don't sweat it dad. I'll bet you've got the same equipment as me! Get naked dad. Come on, the water's like, way good!"

I smiled at Larry, and then stood up, dropping my clothes on top of his son's and joined Phalen in the pool. We roughhoused, giving Larry a moment of privacy to make up his mind. When we finally surfaced for a breath of air, he was standing on the edge of the pool, dressed in red and black Hilfiger briefs, obviously debating what to do next. "A sexy sight indeed," I thought. "He's definitely got a runner's build."

"Larry, it's okay if you want to join us like that," I yelled. "No one's pressuring you to do anything. Just jump in and cool off. Phalen's right. The water's great!"

He glanced at us for a moment then seemed to make up his mind. He quickly pushed down his briefs, acting like he needed to do it quickly before he changed his mind. He stepped out of them, and dropped them on top of the other clothes, then dived into the pool, splashing us as he surfaced immediately in front of us, laughing at our reactions.

"Didn't think I'd do it, did you?" he said with a smug look on his face, then began wiping his eyes with the back of his hands, "very much like his son was always doing," I thought.

"Aw right dad! I knew you could do it. Way cool!"

Larry just smiled, still not completely comfortable with the entire situation. After a few minutes though we were all acting like kids as we dunked each other and played keep-away with a ball that we threw back and forth.

I was glad that my house was on a corner lot. I only had to worry about bothering one neighbor with the noise we were making, since the neighbor was responsible for a good bit of it. "I didn't have to build those high walls," I thought all of a sudden. I was afraid that I would bother the neighbors by being nude in the back yard. I never figured that the neighbors would be joining me.

When the patio was finally shaded, I decided that it was time to start the grill, and swam to the end of the pool near where Larry was standing catching his breath. Phalen followed me swimming underwater. As I turned to hoist myself out of the pool, Phalen surfaced next to his father and grabbed him around the neck in a chokehold.

"Wanna play, big boy?" he said in his make-believe deep voice, his face close to his father's.

Larry was plainly flustered by Phalen's actions. I joined Phalen who was crowing with delight. "For once, the big-shot attorney's at a loss for words!" Phalen yelled after he swam over to me.

Phalen was laughing so hard that he didn't notice Larry slip under water and head in our direction. It only took a couple seconds before he had Phalen in the same choke hold that had been used on him.

"I'm ready whenever you are, hot man," said Larry imitating Phalen's deep voice.

Phalen stopped laughing as Larry and I took up the chorus. I noticed that for a brief moment Larry looked a little abashed at what he had just said, though he managed to cover his unease well by lifting himself out of the water and sitting on the pool's edge, reaching for a beer. It was clear that he was no longer troubled by being nude around Phalen and me, though I'm not sure he had really thought out his recent actions.

I had, by now, gotten out of the pool and was looking around for a towel. It was so hot that I needn't have worried. It would only take a couple minutes and I'd be totally dry.

Ever the one for a fast come back, Phalen shouted over to his father. "My dad once told me that I shouldn't begin anything I wasn't willing to finish."

Larry sputtered, spitting out the beer that he had been about to swallow, in reaction to Phalen's last comment.

It was obvious that Phalen was pleased with the reaction, but he merely smiled as he jumped out of the pool and ran inside yelling, "I'll get the towels."

"Like I said Larry. Big changes! You doing okay?

"Yeah sure, but this is pretty intense, being naked with you guys, now this. Is he for real?" he nodded in the direction that Phalen had just run. "I think I've unleashed a monster!"

"Too true," I said accepting a towel from Phalen, who didn't ask us what we were talking about. While I dried off, I noticed that Phalen had his towel draped over his shoulder, obviously intending to stay nude. He threw a towel to Larry who stood up and started to dry himself.

"Didn't someone mention food?" Larry said while he was running the towel over his hair. He threw his towel over the back of a chair when he was finished. Behaving much like his son, he rubbed his hands together and said, "let's eat!"

It was great, visiting with Larry. I didn't think of him as Phalen's dad. He was just one of the guys, laughing at our jokes and telling some of his own that had us in tears, we were laughing so hard. I felt as if I had just come out of hibernation or something. I had never laughed so hard. It was nice to find out that I could. My parents would not have recognized me at that moment.

Mom would be giving me one of her disapproving looks with pursed lips, because I was naked. My father would tell me to calm down and not make so much noise. I was happy that neither of them were here to spoil my fun.

Larry finished off the beers and offered to keep us in stock if he was welcomed back. I wondered what was going through Larry's mind. A couple times I noticed him watching Phalen when he didn't think anyone was looking. As Phalen would turn to face his father, Larry averted his eyes. One time I glanced up and saw Larry reflected in one of the windows. He didn't know that I was watching him play with himself as he watched Phalen fishing something out of the pool. The moment Phalen stood up, Larry removed his hand from his penis and lifted an already empty beer bottle to his mouth as if he were drinking.

"Definitely something's going on with Larry," I thought. "I wonder if even he knows what it might be.

As Larry finished getting dressed and was preparing to leave, Phalen walked up to him and gave him a brief kiss on the cheek and said, "You're a cool dude, dad --- way cool. For sure, he finished as he turned back to me.

Larry touched his cheek, told us both good night, and saw himself out.

~End - Chapter Three ~

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment on this story. I love to hear from you and appreciate your input and your constructive criticism.

If you would like for me to send you a pic of the guys that inspired the main characters in this story, email me.

There are a few words and phrases in Finnish that appear in "Phalen." Information that is transmitted in text format, such as this story, can not reproduce the punctuation used on a few letters of the Finnish alphabet. I have chosen to use the closest English equivalent. To any Finnish speakers, my apologies.

My thanks to Larry S. for his assistance with the Finnish language, and to Evan Bradley and John Fleming for helping me make "Phalen" a better story.

A number of readers have written asking for the correct pronunciation of the character's names. They are:

Phalen (FAY-lin) Kerin (KEAR-in) Thian (THE as in Theater (THE-in)

Thanks for reading.

Roy roynm@mac.com