Phalen

This story contains portrayals of homosexual actions and lifestyles. There may be references to, or explicit descriptions of, sex between consenting adults.

If homosexuality, sexually explicit language, or swearing offends you, or if reading material that contains these topics violates any law or personal or religious beliefs, you must exit now without proceeding further.

If you are under 18 years of age, you may not read this story because it is against the law.

This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblances to actual persons are completely coincidental.

Roy roynm@mac.com

Phalen, Chapter Five

"No! --- Stop it! -- Ei! Lopeta! --- Ei! Lopeta!" I could hear myself shouting. They wouldn't go away. They were laughing at me, touching me. I didn't want to be touched. "Stop, please," I whined, cringing away from their touch, further tangling myself in the bed sheet. They were holding me, trying to keep me from running away. Someone's hand covered my mouth, preventing me from screaming. --- I couldn't bite him! --- I couldn't breathe. "Ala! . . . Ala!"

"Jeff, wake up!" I heard someone shout.

'Why is someone calling me Jeff?' I wondered. 'I'm at school. No one calls me Jeff, at school.'

Someone grabbed me and began shaking me. --- They wouldn't quit! They wouldn't leave me alone. They wouldn't stop laughing. --- They were always laughing, always grabbing at me --- touching me. "Ei! Lopeta!" I shouted. I was grabbed again. They were shaking me, holding me down. They wouldn't quit. They wouldn't leave me alone. "Stop laughing at me," I whined, exhausted --- like always.

The shaking started again. I thrashed around, finally freeing myself from the bedclothes. 'When had I gotten into bed?' The thought flashed through my mind, making no sense. 'I was in school, not in bed. I couldn't get away! They were always with me, laughing at me, touching me.'

"Jeff, wake up!" someone shouted, grabbing me.

"Let go of me!" I screamed, trying to get out of bed, falling to my knees on the floor, scrambling, trying to stand up. "Don't touch me! I don't want you to touch me!" I screamed. "Go away!" I moaned, as the laughing faded. "Go away." I was safe, until the next day, the next time I heard the laughter.

"Stay away. --- Please," I whimpered, crawling back into bed, and reaching for Phalen.

"Jeff?" I heard him say, as he rubbed my back. "Are you okay?"

"Um mmm, --- Love you, Phalen. Hold me?" I mumbled, falling into a deep sleep, dreaming of revontulet (the Northern Lights), and Beethoven's music.

"Strip, Jeff," Phalen said, as he abruptly stood up. "Let's lie on those inflatable things in the pool. The sun's behind the house, so we won't fry. I'm going inside to make sure that the front door is locked. Then I'm turning both our phones off so no one will disturb us. Don't just sit there! I want to see you bare-assed naked when I come back." We had just finished dinner and had been sitting on the patio, holding hands as we talked about going back to school.

"I had a doctor that used to say that to me," I joked, as he turned to go inside. "I always thought he was a little weird too!"

"Ha Ha!" he shouted from the living room. I must have been daydreaming, because I hadn't begun to get undressed when Phalen returned.

"Is this a slow motion strip, or what?" he laughed. He had already shed his clothes while he was in the house, and now proceeded to do his best to get me out of mine as quickly as possible. "I never thought jogging shorts, t-shirt and jock would take so long to get off," he groused, as he pulled my shorts down, then began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"I've always wanted to come up behind someone and yank their shorts down. But, I never thought I'd do this afterward," he crooned, as he pulled me closer to him and began kissing my ass cheeks.

"Now I can see why the guys are afraid to go into the locker room with you," I laughed, moving away from his kisses and jumping into the pool.

"What kind of gratitude is that?" he said, standing up and putting his hands on his hips, acting indignant. "I want to kiss your ass, and you won't let me!"

" Do you think you're talking loud enough? Tell the neighbors, why don't you?"

"Hey, neighbors, Jeff won't let me kiss his ass," Phalen shouted at the top of his lungs, then turned to me and grinned at my reaction.

Faintly, we heard someone yell back, "Mine's available." Phalen got a shocked look on his face, then began to laugh, joining me in the pool. We each began trying to get on top of our own air mattresses. Not an easy task, I tell you, especially when someone is grabbing at you. Phalen was sure having a difficult time.

We spent much of the afternoon lying in the sun, holding hands and floating. Most of the time we didn't speak, enjoying each other's company in silence. So much had been going on in the past couple weeks, I realized I hadn't had much time to enjoy the new house, my new relationship, and all of the changes that had taken place during Spring Break.

I wasn't looking forward to going back to classes tomorrow. I knew that the amount of time I would be able to spend with Phalen would be drastically curtailed if I was going to have time to finish my assignments. I had already warned him what it would be like. He told me that he understood, but I wondered if he really could. Phalen was accustomed to nightly homework, not the all-consuming effort of completing an architecture design assignment. I was determined however, that I was not going to stay up for days at a time to complete the upcoming project. I wanted to be able to sleep with Phalen every night. I also vowed to schedule enough time for us to have dinner together every evening. I hoped that the assignment's schedule would allow me to keep the promises I made to myself. Sometimes, the professors seemed to take a sadistic glee in giving us students puzzles that could only be solved after extended periods of sleeplessness.

I was accustomed to the interaction that Phalen and I had enjoyed since we met. School was going to change that some, but Phalen and our relationship was too important for me to go back to my old ways of approaching a project. I found that I now had sympathy for my classmates who were married, or who were in relationships. In the past, I hadn't really paid attention to their complaints of being kept away from their partners, or spouses and families, for days at a time. At the time I was glad to have a reason to be away from my roommates. It never mattered how much time was required for me to complete what I had to do. Things were different now.

I smiled as Phalen brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. He was always doing something simple that made me feel wonderfully lucky.

We still had to deal with his mother, and my ever-present past, but when Phalen would kiss my hand, like he just had, I figured we could handle anything. After all, what was the worst that he could do, when he found out about my childhood? I couldn't imagine him leaving me because of it, or ridiculing me for being too sensitive, or anything else awful. I knew that I could count on his support. I wondered though, how long he would be able to emotionally support the sexual invalid he would know me to be. I looked over to the beautiful man who had become so important to me. His eyes were closed, so he didn't see me looking at him.

Since we had been spending so much time outside naked, his white butt was taking on the same tan as the rest of his body. A slight tan line remained, but it wouldn't be long before he had an even tan, all over. I found that I missed the white butt.

Phalen gave my hand a squeeze and looked over at me, grinning. I loved Phalen's strong hands. Every time he touched me, I was amazed that they could be both so strong and so gentle, at the same time. They were warm, and were able to make me shiver with anticipation, when he would tease me, by barely brushing his fingertips across my skin. His hands were also a vital part of his personality. As an architect, I often joked that I couldn't talk without a pencil and paper in hand. Phalen couldn't talk without moving his hands and waving his arms when he got excited or agitated. His hands and arm waving joined his ready smile and easy laughter as other aspects of his animated personality. Yesterday when he was worrying about his mother was the first time I had seen him without a smile on his face. I loved his smile, perhaps more than any other feature.

"What are you thinking, Jeff? You've been staring at me for hours. Is there a bug or something about to crawl onto me and you're waiting to hear me scream?"

"No, there isn't any bug. I was thinking how much I don't want to go back to class. I would like to float here holding your hand, listening to the birds, totally forgetting about school.

"And burn yourself to a crisp?" Phalen asked.

"That would be a problem, wouldn't it? What about you, Phalen? Are you looking forward to going back to school?"

"No, I guess not. I feel like a different guy than the one that left school for Spring Break. So much has happened I'm not sure I'll fit in anymore. I've met you. Mom is off doing her own thing. Same with Dad. I've moved away from home and --- I'm sure there's more. --- Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I've fallen in love. Pretty big happenings for just two weeks. Sometimes, I think that things are moving too fast for me to keep up. I'm kinda like you. I'd like to slow down for a while so I can enjoy being with you and learn what it really means to be in love. So far, I feel like I'm just being carried along."

"You know, Jeff, we'd better turn over or get into the shade or we're going to burn our wangers."

"Wangers? Where'd you come up with that?"

"I don't know. It sounds better than wiener doesn't it?"

"Not much. You go on. I'm going to lie here for a while yet, but I will turn over. I don't want anything important burned," I joked, as he swam to the edge of the pool and climbed out.

I looked up when I thought I heard Phalen talking, and saw that he was on the phone, pacing. The ever-present birds had stopped singing for the moment, and I heard snippets of conversation as Phalen paced past the open dining room doors. "...Was screaming . . . tangled in the sheets . . . on his knees . . . I don't know . . . should do . . . scared to death . . . happen again . . . school was fine." I must have dozed off, only to be awakened by Phalen squirting me with ice cold water from the garden hose."

"Wake up, sleepy head, I don't like burned buns, either!" he laughed, continuing to spray me until I swam over to take the hose from him.

"I'll show you burned buns," I shouted. Having wrestled the hose away, I proceeded to squirt him as he ran around the back yard, yelling and laughing. Finally he turned on me, unexpectedly grabbing me and the hose and giving me one of his sloppy kisses. The hose writhed on the grass like some sort of snake, spraying everything that got in its path.

Vacation had been wonderful, and that night's sex with Phalen was outstanding. We finally fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.

Back-to-school day finally arrived and I joined Phalen in being grumpy, first, because we couldn't sleep in as we had become accustomed to doing, and second, because we would now be apart for a large portion of each day.

I got my stuff together, gave Phalen a long kiss, then trudged off to an early class, leaving Phalen hunched over a cup of coffee, bleary-eyed as usual. As I walked down the same streets that only two weeks before had been strange to me, I mused about how much had changed in my life. It didn't matter that the day promised to be a scorcher, or that in a few hours I would be immersed in my final design project as an undergraduate. Nothing would ever be the same. I was in love, and the world was feeling pretty good.

I sat through the first couple classes of the day pretty much oblivious to what was going on around me. From what I could tell, my classmates were feeling much as I. No one wanted to be in school on such a beautiful day, and a lecture on heating, ventilating and air conditioning was not something that anyone wanted to listen to. The professor must have realized half-way through his lecture that he was speaking to a room full of glazed eyes, and announced that he was dismissing class. It wasn't until we saw him walk out of the room that we realized the lecture was postponed. It didn't matter to any of us that by postponing this class our workload would be increased later. We were all acting like typical students, happy to be dismissed early.

I wandered outside with the rest of my classmates, and found an empty table in the shade to sit and think. I didn't have anything in particular to think about. I guess, I was hoping that something would happen that would kick me back into the reality of classes. I only had a few weeks of school remaining, and I couldn't screw off now. My position as a graduate teaching assistant next year might be jeopardized if I fooled around too much.

It was wonderful to be outside though, even if it was hot in the shade. The hum of the campus and the breeze through the palm trees was almost enough to lull me to sleep. The smell of The Shack's grilled hamburgers drifted my way, making me realize that I hadn't eaten yet. The Shack was a burger joint like no other. It looked like a --- well --- a shack; a building that would give any architect nightmares. I often smiled, thinking how appropriate it was for such a building to be located directly across the street from the architecture school.

The Shack's employees were chosen, I think, for how surly they could appear to be. Instead of the traditional, "May I help you?" The Shack's employees greeted each customer with, "What 'ya want?" If the bewildered first-timer wished the employee a good day, the response was most often, "Yeah, whatever." I loved The Shack. They had the best hamburgers in Phoenix. I enjoyed the attitude almost as much as the burgers.

Even with the lure of The Shack and its crabby employees, I restrained myself from rushing across the street for a burger dripping with mayonnaise and cheese. I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to swim enough laps to work off the effects of the meals I was having at home. I didn't need to add to the number of laps by eating a Shack-burger.

Smiling, I opened my laptop and logged on to the Internet to get my email. Only one piece --- with no subject line. I opened the mail, and in big letters, taking up my entire laptop display, the words "I Love You, Jeff!" glowed at me. The message was signed, "Guess who." I almost burst out laughing at Phalen's message. My smile must have caught the attention of Brad, a classmate who had gone to a beach in Mexico during Spring Break to soak up some sun. Brad was sitting at another table close by.

Brad had certainly succeeded in his quest for some sun. He looked miserable, attempting to move and avoid contact with his clothing at the same time. No one was taking pity on poor Brad as they slapped him on the back, welcoming him back to school, and asking how the Mexico trip had gone. Brad would wince each time he was touched, and mumble something that no one paid attention to. Before Break, Brad had hounded all of us with tales of his plans. It seemed as if everyone was compelled to tease him about his sunburn.

I was one of the few people who had taken pity on his sunburn dilemma, and hadn't touched him. He seemed thankful for that simple kindness, and had briefly spoken to me a few times earlier in the day. Brad and I had always been cordial, but I couldn't say that we were close friends. I thought Brad was one of the best looking guys in my class. His impish looks and almost constant talking were attractive to me, and to many others as well. He always hung around with a group of guys that I never had served with on a design team. I knew them all, but that was about it. Brad seemed to be their leader. Wherever one saw Brad, his friends usually weren't far behind. Today though, he seemed to be alone, trying to stay away from any more greetings from fellow students.

I heard some people laughing as they passed nearby. My teachers always laughed at how hard I tried to get away from them. I couldn't get away. I was too small, and they had locked the door. Someone else laughed. I was sweating. They couldn't find me here --- could they? My chest was tight. I could barely breathe. Again, that laugh. Always that laugh, telling me to grow up, be a big boy, take it like a man. I'm not a man. I'm only a boy.

A shadow fell across me. 'They're here!' I thought. 'They've found me! --- How?' --- Another laugh, from nearby. I couldn't let them touch me. Today I could run!

"Do you mind if I join you, Jeff?" Brad asked, standing next to my table. "I noticed you smiling, and I'd like to know what would cause 'Mr. Serious' to have such a silly grin on his face. You mind my asking?" Brad touched my shoulder.

I knocked over my seat, jumping up, staring about me, ready to run, trying to find a way out. I wouldn't let them touch me again! I looked around for a way to run. --- I was outside! There were palm trees, and it wasn't cold. It was hot.

I slowly took in the scene, the upset chair, my friend Brad, standing with his arm still extended to touch my shoulder, a shocked look on his face, and a few other students who had stopped to see what had happened. Their curiosity satisfied, they turned and moved on.

"Nightmare, Brad," I said, bending down to pick up my chair, still shaking. "I'm sorry. You set it off when you touched me.

"Go ahead, have a seat," I said, nodding to the bench opposite me. Don't be afraid, I only jump and yell. I don't bite or anything," I said, grinning, trying to put him at his ease.

Brad was lobster-red. I wasn't sure whether it was because he was embarrassed that he had seen me when I was frightened, or whether it was due to his sunburn. He stood still, continuing to watch me warily as I tried to act normal. "Come on, Brad. Sit down. Rest assured, I won't jump you."

He gave me a tentative grin, as he moved back to the other side of the table and lowered himself to the seat, facing me. His short black hair was disheveled and, since returning to school, he was sporting a short goatee. Normally, Brad was either grinning or laughing outright. Seeing his smile I always wondered what mischief he had been up to. His grey eyes would twinkle with amusement, and I would always wonder if it was safe to sit down or if he had done something to the seat and was waiting for the trap to spring.

He sighed when he stopped moving, and his clothes were no longer irritating him. He looked at me, now with concern rather than alarm.

"Nightmares, Jeff?"

"There's no other word that I know of to describe them," I said, trying to grin, and put him at his ease. One moment, I'm fine, the next, I want to run. Usually, they'll pass quickly, something like a seizure, I guess. Today you touched me, and the nightmare became reality for a few moments. Will you accept my apology?"

"Apology? What do you have to apologize for? You just scared the shit out of me for a second. --- Don't worry, I checked before sitting down. --- I'm clean," he said smiling, looking more like the man I knew.

"You look miserable," I said, hoping to change the subject. Did I cause it, or is it due to your burn? . Sunburns can be awful, and yours looks like it's pretty serious..

"I'm actually doing better, Jeff. You can't imagine how bad the trip back from Mexico was. The four of us complained the entire way home. Picture it, four guys burned to a crisp, not having showered in days. All of us were covered with a fine grit of sand and dried sea-salt, and we were riding in a car with a busted air conditioner, in hundred degree plus weather. Got the picture? In between the moaning and groaning we would argue with each other, then begin laughing at our situation. Most of the time we moaned. I was sure one of us was going to suffer from sunstroke or something. Nasty, Jeff, really nasty. Did I already mention that it wasn't a good vacation?

"You're sure you're okay, Jeff? I don't want to embarrass you, but I don't want to go on as if nothing happened if you need my help."

"Thanks for your concern, Brad. I'm okay --- really."

"If you're sure. I'll believe you. --- Now tell me why you had such a goofy grin on your face. --- Earth to Jeff. --- Earth to Jeff. . . Come in, Jeff. Are you sure you're okay? I'm not going to touch you this time.

"You know," Brad, continued, still not sure how to proceed, "I haven't told you about a couple moments of excitement we had while we were visiting Mexico. The first one came when one of those large sharks that prowl the Mexican beach waters ate one of the guys that went down with us. I don't think you knew him. His name was Teddy Roosevelt. Then a couple days later a group of Mexican bandits robbed us at gunpoint, but the Canadian Mounties, riding their black horses, quickly captured them.

"Jeff, you haven't heard a word I've said, have you?" Brad said, standing up and walking around the table to take a look at my computer screen. He began waving his hand in front of my face, attempting to attract my attention, but not touching me. When I finally snapped out of my daydream, I heard Brad talking to me. I looked up and gave him a sheepish smile.

"No, not another nightmare. . . "

"Ohhhh, Jeff had a very good time during Spring Break. I can see from his computer screen that he's in love," Brad said, pointing to the screen of my laptop which still showed Phalen's message, and ignoring the implication that he had been witness to a second 'nightmare'. "And he's blushing too! I think it's wonderful, Jeff. I didn't think anyone would ever break through your shell. I've never seen you act as happy and distracted as you are right now. I'm guessing that you had a fantastic Break. Am I right?" Brad's smile was even broader than usual, and his black eyebrows were cocked in anticipation of my answer as he returned to his seat.

"It couldn't have been better, Brad, and you're right, I'm about the happiest I've ever been. --- Teddy Roosevelt? Sharks?"

Brad shrugged and continued grinning. "It's got to be more than your new house to have caused this change. Tell me about the person that sent you that email. You have all the symptoms of being in love. You're acting just like I did when it happened to me."

"In love only once Brad? You didn't say, 'the first time I fell in love,' so it must have happened only once. I always thought you were quite the ladies' man.

"Did I say something wrong?" I asked. "You got all serious on me. Is the sunburn hurting that much?"

"Yeah, it hurts like hell. You know, there's no shade on the beaches in Mexico. So the four of us were trying to squeeze ourselves into a shadow cast by one fricking palm tree. We defended our shadow from everyone else. I'm serious! Every fifteen minutes or so, we scooted over to stay in that shadow. Some vacation! A couple of us always had to guard the shadow, to insure that no one would steal it from us. Imagine, going on a vacation so you can defend a shadow! What fun. I see why hotels were invented."

"Sounds miserable," I said, barely able to refrain from smiling at his description.

"It was, but let me tell you, I've got one hell of a tan line!" Brad laughed at his own misery.

"I thought you were going to a nude beach," I teased, laughing at the look on his face.

"Who told you that? I don't think I told anyone that it was a nude beach! Anyhow, I'm glad I didn't go nude. I'm uncomfortable enough as it is. I hate to think how bad it would be if I burned the rest of me too! Major pain on delicate parts." He shuddered, thinking how much worse his pain might have been. "The problem is that I can't get comfortable, no matter what position I'm in.

"Curt's been spreading some sort of sunburn cream on me a couple times a day since we got back. 'Course, I do the same for him. We're both pretty miserable right now, and have vowed, 'No more Mexican beaches!' The sunburn cream routine can be kinda fun though," he said, grinning.

"Curt must be one of the people you went to Mexico with?"

"Yeah, we live together. We have for four years. He's a business major, and as bright as they come." Brad caught himself, and got an abashed look on his face, turning even a deeper shade of red, realizing how he had been describing his friend.

"Sorry, Jeff. I feel awkward. I've always been told that I have a big mouth. Because of it, I thought architecture would be the perfect job for me. My parents always told me I needed to be a salesman. So, it was either architecture, or becoming a used car salesman. Since I don't have any plaid sport coats, I decided on architecture. I never realized that a plaid coat would go just fine in most architecture circles as well. Think about it. We are sort of an odd bunch. Have you seen that guy who wears a tie with big ants on it?"

" A tie?"

"Yep, with ants."

"I hate ties."

Brad laughed. "I hate ants."

"Why feel awkward? Would I be right in guessing that Curt is the person you were talking about when you told me you knew all the symptoms of being in love? If so, I think it's cool."

"Cool, Jeff? That doesn't sound like you. Brad got a knowing look in his eyes. "Alright Jeff, level with me. Who's the person who writes 'I love you' email messages, and has loosened you up enough to use the word cool? I've got to meet her."

"Him, Brad."

"Really? Outstanding! Cool, huh?" he said, breaking into a full smile.

"Very."

"Tell me about him. I've told you a little about Curt. I want to hear about . . . "

"Phalen."

"Great name. Good looking?"

"Yes, and he's sexy and smart and fun to be around. He has a wonderful smile, wonderful hands, beautiful blue eyes --- and he makes me laugh."

"An accomplishment indeed," Brad said, grinning at me.

"He's going to be coming to school here next year on a baseball scholarship," I continued. "He's still in High School, and I don't want to hear any of those robbing-the-cradle jokes. He doesn't behave like someone that's eighteen --- most of the time. And when he does, he's especially cute. He's so much fun, Brad, I can't believe he'd be attracted to me."

"What are you talking about? Half the girls and a quarter of the guys in our design lab would do whatever it takes to have sex with you."

"That's just it! Knowing Phalen is about so much more than sex," I said seriously. "I wasn't even looking for a relationship, and wham, it hit me. Phalen's father introduced us, actually. He's my next-door neighbor. The father, not Phalen. He moved in with me during the Break."

"Wow, Jeff, when you make a move you don't fool around, do you? This must be pretty serious. Curt and I waited at least a month before we started living together."

"Whatever. I'm a happy guy at the moment. I'd rather be home with Phalen, sitting by the pool. But if I can't be, I guess school would be a distant second choice."

"You have a pool?"

"You bet. You guys should come by some evening for a barbecue and a swim. I'd like to meet Curt. You'll enjoy Phalen. And I could show off my new place. You could give me a critique. You'll have to ignore all the unopened boxes and things. We haven't gotten settled in yet. I thought it would take a couple days to get everything sorted out. What a laugh! Having Phalen around is too much of a distraction. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage working on a project. I'll never get anything done."

"You really have loosened up, Jeff."

"Yeah, I'm liking the change. No need to spread it around though. --- My nightmare either, please."

"What nightmare? --- Jeff, I won't have to tell anyone about your new relationship. After a couple minutes, everyone will notice the change in you. You'll have to explain it. I'm going to enjoy seeing people's reactions to the new you."

Brad and I spent the next hour getting to know each other before heading into the building for structural analysis class, only to find that the professor hadn't returned from his vacation. Since I didn't have any more classes that day, I decided to walk home. Brad promised that he and Curt would stop by the house. He reached out and gave my shoulder a brief squeeze, a look of concern still in his eyes, before he waved good-bye and went on his way to another class.

"Hello, guess who's home?" Phalen yelled, as he came in from the courtyard.

"Out here," I yelled from the patio, where I had been working on an outline for a paper. My shiny new office was wonderful, but laptops were great as well. The weather wasn't so hot that I couldn't sit outside in the shade and work. The only problem with being outside was that I was continually drawn by the closeness of the pool. I had finished my laps before classes, so I had no excuse to be goofing off.

"I talked with Dad this afternoon," Phalen said, after bending over to give me a kiss. He pulled up a chair and sat across the table from me and took my hand, rubbing his thumb back and forth across my palm. "Dad was just checking up to see how both of us are doing. He's been working hard and spending a lot of time at the gym. That's why we haven't seen him in a few days. I told him that we're fine. Nothing out of the ordinary to talk about.

"What about your Mom? Any word from her?"

"No, none. --- Jeff, I thought a lot last night after you fell asleep. It was nice to have your arm over my chest while I thought about things. I like sleeping outside. The stars were so cool. I even saw two shooting stars! The crickets were awful loud though. I'm surprised you could sleep with all that racket."

"You said you did some thinking?"

"Right. I wondered why I was getting so upset because Mom said she was going to Grandmother's. Jeff, I hate to say it, but Mom really can be pretty awful. I can't remember the last time I was really happy, until I met you." Phalen looked at me, unblinking. He sat there for a moment longer, looking at me with a small grin.

"Phalen?"

"Oh, yeah. I was just thinking how much I love you, Jeff. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with the feeling. I've never felt anything like this, even for Dad. Sitting here, touching you like this, is almost too much to handle. Imagine --- and you're even dressed!"

Phalen briefly shook his head, and then looked down as if he were embarrassed by his feelings. I squeezed his hand, letting him know that I wanted to hear what insights he had gained while watching the stars last night.

"Sorry. I get carried away sometimes, huh? --- Well, when I met you, I found out that I could laugh and tease you, and you didn't get mad at me. I never could do that at home. Mom would always give me one of her disapproving looks. You know the kind? Pursed lips and all. I hate being so serious all the time. I like to laugh! I didn't realize how much I wanted out of there. Last night, I figured that maybe Dad wanted out too. I'm sure he was just as unhappy as I was. Anyone who looked would have known that he was miserable. I'm sure even Mom knew. --- She must have. Whenever Dad and I would go someplace by ourselves, he was a different man from when we were at home. He even took up jogging to get out of the house.

"I was thinking that if Dad and I both felt better with Mom gone, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that she left. You know, it's funny. The other day, I wanted Mom to come back for me. Today, I'm hoping that she stays away, for Dad's sake. He seems preoccupied but a lot happier. I never heard him joke before, and that talk about liking to get his rocks off was weird. He never would say anything like that if Mom could possibly hear him. I'm living here now. I don't have to worry about her being angry with me. If she comes back, Dad will have to do something to protect himself. He's had a taste of happiness. I don't think he'll let Mom walk all over him anymore."

"You certainly did do a lot of thinking last night."

"Well, I couldn't turn over. You were holding me down, remember? What else could I do?" Phalen said, grinning. "Next time we sleep outside we need to remember to bring a blanket. Even with you next to me, I got cold this morning. Do you know how neat it is to feel you naked beside me? --- Oh, did you realize that you talk in your sleep?"

"No. Don't tell me. I said something to embarrass myself, I'll bet."

"No, it was really cool. I was lying there, held down by your arm, when you snuggled up closer to me and kissed my neck."

"That's it? That's not talking in my sleep."

"No, but after you kissed my neck, and you weren't moving around any longer, you murmured, 'Love you, Phalen.' You said it real low, and you were smiling. I was so happy to hear you say that. I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing it --- so don't think you can't tell me that you love me all the time, in English or Finnish, or whatever. I don't care.

"That was much nicer than the nightmares you have."

"Nightmares? Do I say anything when I'm having one?"

"Only a couple times. Why? They're only dreams. They don't mean anything."

"What do I say, Phalen?"

"Jeff, what's wrong? They're only dreams."

"Phalen . . . Tell me what I say."

"Jeff?"

"Do it, Phalen. I need to know."

"Okay, a couple times you've said something like, 'Ei, lopeta.' I'm probably not saying it right. Most often you just repeat 'ala . . . ala' over and over again. Usually, when I tell you that I'm with you, you quiet down. Jeff, why are you covering your face? Do your nightmares mean something? Jeff, tell me, are you okay? You're not okay, are you? You're white!"

"Let's not talk about it, Phalen."

"We have to, Jeff! I'm tired of having you go all-weird on me when I say something. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, so I can't apologize, or stop doing whatever it is I'm doing. And it's not only when I say something. I've noticed you go all glassy-eyed for no reason at all. Then you seem to shake yourself a little and you're okay. I've noticed you jump at sounds. You space things out. I have to repeat what I say. You've done these things ever since I met you, but lately it's getting worse. Now, you're having nightmares too. Something's wrong, and I want to help --- if I can. I'm sorry if I'm doing something."

"There's no need for you to apologize, babe. You're not doing anything wrong. --- Don't look at me like that. If I thought you were doing something wrong, believe me, I'd say something."

"Is this about your problem?" Phalen said, moving closer, to face me. Our knees were almost touching. He was leaning forward, staring at me intently.

I barely nodded. "Don't ask me more, Phalen. --- Please."

"You can't go on like this, Jeff. You've got to do something. This is hurting you too much. And like you told me the other day when I was worrying about Mom, when you're hurting, I hurt with you. I don't want either of us to be in pain. I like laughing and having a good time too much. What if you weirded-out in class, or something. Everyone would think you were crazy. You need to talk about it. Maybe that would help."

"Phalen, believe me, I want to talk to you, more than anything. But, I --- I can't. Not yet."

"When, Jeff? You're getting worse, not better. You freeze up when people say things. Your eyes aren't looking at anything when you go weird. It's like you're having some sort of seizure, or something. You aren't sick are you?"

I shook my head, looking at the floor. "No, I'm okay. Phalen, there's nothing wrong with me physically. It's my mind that's hurt. I've been carrying this around with me for most of my life." I saw that Phalen was going to reach out to take my hand. I drew my hand away, regretting that by doing so I might hurt him.

"Phalen, I'm not upset with you. I just --- I just don't want you to touch me in an attempt to comfort me. If you did touch me right now, I'd start crying and wouldn't be able to stop. Don't be hurt, babe, please. I know you only want to help. Can you give me a few days more? Just a few are all I need."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure, really. I think I need to speak with someone before I talk to you, something like a practice run."

"Who are you going to talk to?"

"I don't know right now. Maybe Steve. I don't know. You're right. I have to do something. I just don't know if things will be better or worse afterward. In all my life, I've never even contemplated there being an afterward."

"You mean you never intended to tell anyone what you're going through? Jeff, how could you live with the pain? Is it a promise that we'll work on this in the next few days? Promise me, Jeff. We'll deal with the afterward when it happens. Right now, I want to get to the point where we can deal with it. Will you promise me?"

I nodded. "I promise. --- You know, you push damn hard, don't you? You're going to save me, Phalen. You already have, really. A couple weeks ago, I wouldn't have believed I could even think about talking with someone. You've made that possible. Now all I have to do is follow through."

"Jeff, we help each other out when we need it. We've been needing it quite a bit in the last couple days, huh? Like Dad said, it seems as if we're living some sort of television soap opera. It'll pass eventually, and things will get better. Maybe we'll even be bored because things are so normal --- you think?"

I could only nod.

The rest of the week passed quickly. I started work on my design project, a simple problem, thankfully, and Phalen continued to grouse about being too "grown up" for the kids in High School.

Every day, the promise that I made to Phalen hung over me. I would rehearse numerous scenarios, and would quickly reject each one. I couldn't think of anyone to talk to, other than Larry. I didn't like the idea of spilling my guts to him, but as the week progressed, it looked like I wouldn't be able to come up with an alternative.

So far, I had been able to keep my promise to myself and have dinner with Phalen every night, then sleep with him as well. I continued to move through the days in some sort of trance. I was going through the motions, not much else. At night, I was afraid of having nightmares. During the day, I was afraid of having another attack like the one Brad had witnessed. I wasn't being productive. When I was at home, I felt Phalen watching me. When I was at school, it was Brad's turn.

Phalen and I had just finished dinner. He was sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet in the water, telling me about his day while I cleaned up in the kitchen. Every time I had to clean the kitchen, I regretted that I was such a messy cook. Phalen, the self-avowed 'neat-freak' was having an effect on me. There was a time when I wouldn't have bothered cleaning things after each meal. Eventually, we'd even have all the boxes that still littered the house, emptied. The furniture was being set up little by little and it wouldn't be too long before the house would begin to resemble a home, not a warehouse. Neither of us felt a sense of urgency to finish the organizing job, now that school was back in session.

Phalen interrupted his story to grab his phone as it began ringing.

"It's Mom, Jeff! I wonder what she's calling about."

Phalen opened his phone and lifted it to his ear, motioning for me to sit beside him at the pool's edge while he spoke with his mother. I sat down in what was becoming a traditional pose for us when we were talking about something serious. I sat behind him with my legs on either side, my chest against his back, and my arms around his waist. The only thing bad about this position for Phalen, was that he couldn't wave his arms and pace, as he spoke on the phone. In lieu of pacing, he would move his feet through the water in the pool. The faster the movements, the more anxious he was. Slow movements indicated contentment. At the moment, he was pretty anxious.

"I'm doing real good," Phalen was saying as I snuggled into position behind him. "We went back to school this week. We were just finishing dinner, and were sitting out here by the pool, talking. Hear the water?" he said, as he splashed a few times, for effect. No, of course I'm not with Dad. I'm living with Jeff now. You met him, remember? He's a great cook, by the way. It's a good thing we have a pool. I need the exercise."

I could hear Helen's voice. I imagined that she was telling Phalen what she thought of his living arrangements. "I know I'm still in High School, Mother. What does living with Jeff have to do with that? Like I just told you, I just got home a little while ago, and we just finished having dinner. We were talking, before I start on my homework. We do this every night.

"Mother, it's good to hear your voice. What's on your mind?"

Phalen listened for a few moments, his feet almost thrashing the water. I held him more tightly as his agitation grew. "Mother, just a moment and let me say something. --- Mother, let me talk now. Dad has not corrupted me. I spoke with him after I decided to move away from his home. I would have included you in the discussion, if you had been there. Anyway, I wasn't asking for his permission. I was telling him that I was moving.

"Let me finish, Mother. Both Dad and I are very happy. In fact, I don't know of a time when we've both been so happy. I can't tell you how wonderful it's been to be living with Jeff. I'm laughing all the time. We tease each other, and have a great time. In fact, Dad's been over quite a few times to have dinner with us, or to go swimming, or just to hang out. I can't remember when I heard Dad laugh --- ever. Now, he's laughing all the time. He's even telling jokes!" Phalen continued, listening to his mother, almost squirming with the need to get up and pace. I nuzzled his neck, hoping to defuse his anxiety a little.

"No, Mother, I don't know where you are right now. I'm really glad that you're doing well enough to call, and it's nice to hear your voice. But you're doing whatever you think you should do to make yourself a happy person. I'm glad that you've taken that step. It's very similar to why I moved in with Jeff. I did what I needed to do to be happy.

"No, I'm not getting smart with you, Mother. I'm wishing you happiness."

All of a sudden Phalen's movements stopped. "Mother, I'm ashamed of you! You know better than to say things like that. Are you trying to be hateful, or have I forgotten how bad you can actually be?"

I slapped Phalen's leg. He was getting carried away, and I didn't want him to say something to his mother that he would grow to regret.

"That sound you heard was Jeff slapping my leg. I guess he was letting me know that I should watch what I say. Listen to me, Mother. I mean, really listen to me. I'm not going to say this again, and I'm not going to try and justify or explain anything to you. You're right, I am gay. The correct word to use is gay. I always have been. Jeff did not make me gay, as you would like to believe. Neither did you or Dad, for that matter. I just am. I'm happy now for the very first time in my life, because I've met a man that I love. I didn't know that it was possible for me to feel this wonderful.

"Oh Mother, be quiet for a minute, and listen to me --- please.

"Yes, I'm in love with Jeff, and I know for a fact that he loves me. Dad knows of our relationship, and seems to almost think of Jeff as another son. That's what I love about Dad, Mother. He's not trying to make me be something I'm not, and he's not trying to make me feel bad about being gay. He is accepting of both me and Jeff."

He paused a moment. "Yes, it is just like Dad to be accepting, isn't it? It's one of the things that makes him such a great guy."

There was another pause, while I held Phalen tighter and continued to nuzzle his neck. "Yes, Mother. I am a different person than you knew before you left. I have learned that I am capable of thinking for myself, and of determining what I think is best for me.

"I've also been thinking about the relationship that you and I have."

I tightened my arms around Phalen, indicating that he should watch what he said.

"After our conversation a few days ago, I realized how silly I had been when I asked if you were coming back. I thought for some reason that my happiness was somehow tied to your being present. I know that's not the case, Mother. I'll continue to love you as my mother, and will always wish you the best. I've taken steps to become a happy person. I hope that by leaving Dad and me, that you're taking the same kind of steps. If you're happy leaving Dad, I'm glad that you made that decision. I will support you. I will also support Dad in whatever decisions he makes."

After another brief pause, Phalen continued. "No, I don't know what Dad is thinking about the two of you. He hasn't told me. But don't ask me to be a go-between, I won't do it.

"I hope I haven't upset you too much, Mother. That's not what I intended to do. It's been really nice talking to you, now I've got to go. Please keep in touch; I'd like to hear what's happening.

"Bye," he said, before she could continue talking.

"Well," Phalen said, letting out a gust breath. "That felt good!

"I need to get up and run. After all, you've been holding me down," he teased, trying to stand up. "I know I have homework, but I've got to get out and let off some steam. I can't stay in the house any longer! Let's go for a jog. You come along. It'll do you good. You've been looking miserable, and you didn't swim this morning."

"Ah, Phalen, you know I'm no good at running," I whined, knowing that I'd lose the argument.

"It's all in your mind. Don't worry. I'll go slow. C'mon, let's get moving. We both need to get out and see the world." He hurried into the house, stripping down as we went. By the time I got into the bedroom he was pulling on a black jock. "I also want to go running so everyone will see what a sexy man I'm living with. Wear those new shorts, the yellow ones. People can see your jock through 'em. Everyone will be so envious," he said, giving me a quick kiss on the tip of my nose, as he finished slipping a t-shirt over his head. "They'll all wish they were me!"

"We just finished dinner, Phalen!" I complained, even as I changed clothes. "Isn't there something some wise man said about not running with a full stomach?"

"No, that was golf, or swimming or something. You know, growing boys like me need their exercise," he laughed as he tied his shoes, urging me to move faster with a wave of his hands. "I need to be out in the sun, Jeff. I need my daily dose of vitamin D. Doesn't that stuff help you grow, or something?"

"You mean you're still growing?" I laughed, as I finished tying my shoes and made for the front door. "You grow any more and I won't be able to handle it!"

"Flattery will get you whatever you want," he laughed, as he ran past me, motioning for me to catch up.

The worst heat of the day had passed and we were settling into a long desert evening, the perfect time to be outside. We jogged along in companionable silence for quite a while, only occasionally pointing something out to each other. Phalen could definitely run. That's what we were doing --- running. In my opinion, jogging was a little slower. I was beginning to struggle. This was the first time that I had seen something of Phalen, the athlete. It was easy to see that he was thrilled to be outside and moving. After a short while, I was even more convinced that swimming was my sport. I was gasping for breath, and my sides hurt.

After about thirty minutes, I was totally exhausted and called for a short breather. As I bent over, gasping for breath, thinking I was about ready to die, he kept jogging around me. 'I hate it when people are that energetic! Hell, I'm pretty fit, but no one can compare with that,' I thought, as I tried to straighten up. The pain in my side had subsided, but I was still exhausted. Running was certainly much different than swimming. You notice it when you sweat, for one thing.

"Hey, Jeff," Phalen said, not even out of breath. "You think I look good in this color of jock?" He briefly stopped and pulled down the back of his shorts to show me both his jock and butt. "I think a white one would frame my ass better. Don't you think?" he asked, giggling.

"Full of yourself today, aren't you, pretty boy?" I said, still panting, but no longer thinking that cardiac arrest was imminent.

"Not full of myself!" he laughed. "Full of you --- at least I plan to be!" He laughed, as he continued jogging ahead of me, with a partially exposed butt. His cut-off t-shirt exposed his athlete's body, his all-over tan, and a good portion of his butt. I gave him a swat as I managed to catch up, hoping that he'd make himself decent.

"Hey! Does that mean you really care?" He laughed.

"You know I do," I said, starting to gasp again, wondering when this "jog" would be over. It was getting dark, I was tired, and I wanted to sit down. Lying down would be even a better choice.

"No, Jeff," he said as he dropped back to run along side me. I think you care. I'm not some psychic, ya know, like those people in Santa Fe, ya read about! Hell, I heard someone there routinely channels Liberace!"

"Liberace?" I huffed --- "Channels? Phalen you're absolutely out of it. Did you have some more of that strong coffee at dinner?"

"Haven't you heard?" he said, still running along side, obviously slowing down to humor me. "Channeling --- it's like talking to the dead, or something. Well, seems someone unintentionally channeled a chicken! Maybe she was talking to her dinner --- you think?" Telling the story was doing what I had been unable to do --- slow him down. Phalen couldn't run and laugh as hard as he was at the same time. "Poor psychic woman! She said the chicken had nothing of interest to talk about, at least until the farmer came out to chop off its head! 'Bout scared Madame Zelda, or whatever, to death! She thought she was 'bout ready to lose it!" Phalen couldn't control himself any longer. He threw back his head, howling with laughter.

"Don't say it, Jeff. I can see that you think I am like, totally crazy. Right?"

"Yeah, I was thinking you're beautiful, but that you also have completely lost your mind --- totally."

"Nope," he laughed again. "Last time I looked, it was still there! C'mon, run! You can do better than that. Push yourself a little! Think you can catch me, big man? If you can, I'm yours!" he taunted, as he continued jogging just out of my reach. 'If we run around in the field much longer,' I thought, 'I won't be able to see him, much less catch him.' The sun had set long ago, and now even the silhouettes of the palm trees and campus buildings had faded to grey. I was afraid we'd step into a hole, running around like we were. That's just what I needed. I could imagine myself lying on the ground, writhing in pain from a broken ankle or something. Phalen would never find me in the dark, except perhaps by my moans.

I was so caught up in thinking about how dark it was that I failed to realize that Phalen had disappeared. I was running alone! It was like I stepped into one of those 'Twilight Zone' stories. Phalen had been beamed-up or something. He definitely wasn't in front of me. I couldn't even hear him, but I was panting so hard, that wasn't surprising.

I stopped running, and leaned over to catch my breath, thinking that it was probably a good thing that I had passed up the chance at the Shack Burger with extra mayo and cheese, earlier this afternoon. As I began to breathe more easily, I heard Phalen saying my name. He didn't sound too far away, but I couldn't tell for sure.

"Hey, Jeff," he said. "Follow my voice. C'mon big man, think you can find me?" I could tell that he was nearby, but seemed to be moving. I felt foolish, wandering around in the dark, following a disembodied voice. At the same time, it was exciting. Whenever Phalen got into one of his playful moods, I never knew what to expect. I had a feeling that tonight he was feeling playful. I was getting hard wondering what he had in mind.

"Hi Jeff," he said, from directly behind me. I almost shouted, I was so startled by his proximity. "Now that you've found me, wanna fool around out here? I turned around, and dimly saw him standing naked in front of me. "C'mere big man," he murmured, drawing me into his arms, guiding me to his lips. "I've never had sex out in the open like this. I think it's hot. --- Don't you?"

We broke our embrace, and Phalen began to help me undress. I tried to keep track of my clothes, so I would have something to wear when we eventually returned home. Phalen didn't appear to be taking such things into consideration. No sooner had he pulled off my t-shirt than he began licking down my neck to my armpits. He buried his face in one, and then moved to the other, groaning and gripping my ass cheeks as he licked.

The thought that we were playing in public, albeit in the dark, made Phalen's touch even more exciting than usual. I half expected that someone would turn a spotlight on us. I was afraid they would, and at the same time, I hoped they would. Both of us were as stiff as we could get, fumbling about like two teenagers on their first date. It was wonderful to be standing naked in the middle of the football practice field, with Phalen in my arms. It was so dark I could barely see him, but his ragged breathing told me that he was as excited as I.

"You like what I'm doing, big boy? I'm all yours if you can catch me," he said, as he scrambled away from my grasp. "C'mon Jeff, you can do better than that! You must not want me very bad."

I lunged at his voice, laughing as my hands brushed against his smooth legs. He was too fast for me. I only touched him, as he twisted aside. I ended up sprawled on the grass laughing at how inept an athlete I was. He wasn't expecting it when I tripped him, as he moved in close to taunt me some more. My foot tangled with his, bringing him crashing down on top of me. "Hey, the big man fights dirty," he laughed, as we wrestled, laughing at each other, and at our clumsy attempts to keep the other pinned to the ground. Steve was right when he said gay sex was physical. I loved it. We were both exhausted, when Phalen managed to pull himself on top of my chest, straddling me, facing my feet, holding me down with his body weight.

"Hey, sexy, back up a little," I ordered, grabbing his hips and pulling him closer to my face.

"You wanna lick my balls, Jeff?" he murmured, lifting himself some, and moving his low hanging testicles closer to my mouth. But instead of his balls, I ran my tongue behind them, then lapped at his pucker. He gasped the first time I licked across his hole, then sat back on my tongue, squirming and groaning in pleasure with the sensations.

"Holy shit, Jeff. That feels awesome! We shoulda done this before!" he said, as he tried to impale himself on my tongue. "I can't believe it." He leaned forward, grasping me at my knees and pulling my legs back toward him. I rolled back onto my shoulders, with Phalen still sitting on my face, and my hole in a position where we could lick each other at the same time.

Phalen became a wild man, licking across my hole as he continued to grind himself onto my tongue. "I can't take it anymore, Jeff. I've gotta shoot," he gasped, moving so I could suck his cock. As his penis hit the back of my throat he hissed, and began pistoning his dick across my tongue and into my throat. At the same time, he lowered my hips to the grass and began sucking me.

It didn't take long for either of us to reach climax. The fact that we were outside, added the extra bit of excitement that threw us over the edge.

After Phalen moved off of me, we cuddled and kissed under the stars. "Where'd you learn to do that, Jeff?" he murmured in my ear.

"Do what?"

"Lick my butt like that. I never would have guessed that I could be so turned on. It was like, beyond anything we've done before. We've gotta do that some more!"

"In our bed next time," I suggested.

~End~ Chapter Five

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment on this story. I love to hear from you, and appreciate your input and your constructive criticism.

If you would like for me to send you a pic of the guys that inspired the main characters in this story, email me.

There are a few words and phrases in Finnish that appear in 'Phalen'. Information that is transmitted in text format, such as this story, when it's uploaded to Nifty, cannot reproduce the punctuation used on a few letters of the Finnish alphabet. I have chosen to use the closest English equivalent. To any Finnish speakers, my apologies.

Translations: Ei! Lopeta! (No! Stop!) ala . . . ala (Don't . . . Don't) revontulet (Northern Lights)

My thanks to Larry S. for his assistance with the Finnish language, with his help in proofreading, and for being a good friend. Thanks also to Evan Bradley for his continuing encouragement, and for helping me make 'Phalen' a better story.

A number of readers have written asking for the correct pronunciation of the character's names. They are:

Phalen (FAY-lin) Kerin (KEAR-in) Thian (THE as in Theater (THE-in)

Thanks for reading.

Roy roynm@mac.com