Phalen

This story contains portrayals of homosexual actions and lifestyles. There may be references to, or explicit descriptions of, sex between consenting adults.

If homosexuality, sexually explicit language, or swearing offends you, or if reading material that contains these topics violates any law or personal or religious beliefs, or if you under 18 years of age, please leave now, without proceeding further.

This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblances to actual persons are completely coincidental. Actual locations are mentioned, and are used for 'background' only.

Roy roynm@mac.com

Phalen, chapter nine

Jeff and Phalen woke late, their arms and legs tangled with the sheets and with each other. The gentle breeze wafting into the room through the nearby patio doors ruffled Jeff's hair, but didn't disturb his steady breathing. Both men remained naked after a night of making love, the twisted white sheets framing glimpses of Phalen's darkly tanned skin, contrasted with glimpses of Jeff's light tan.

Phalen examined his partner through slitted eyes, and was once again amazed that he was in the relationship that he had dreamt of, with a man that caused him to shiver with excitement with each touch. The dark-haired green-eyed man lying next to him was everything he imagined the perfect partner to be. He was considerate and strong, and at the same time gentle and caring. Phalen was also attracted to the sense of vulnerability he saw in Jeff, as well as his subtle humor and shy smile. Oh, he also had a hairy chest, a definite asset. Phalen grinned when he thought of how Jeff would whimper whenever his nipples were teased, and how he would groan when Phalen licked his armpits. He loved the intensity of Jeff's passion, and the feel of his tongue during one of their frequent kisses.

Phalen's thoughts of the man lying next to him, and of the past night's love-making made his penis stiffen, causing him to shift position to be more comfortable. Jeff was becoming noticeably more assertive since he began seeing a counselor to help him deal with abuse he had experienced as a child. Phalen was pleased with the change. A slight smile curved his lips. He sighed, amazed at how much he enjoyed the transformation.

While riding to the resort, Jeff had said he was hoping for a memorable weekend. The weekend had only begun, and Phalen thought to himself it was already memorable. Last night he had little by little, stripped Jeff of his suit, teasing him with his leisurely pace and at the same time savoring the sight of Jeff's slowly exposed body. First his chest was exposed, with its spread of dark hair and thin trail leading to his navel and dense pubic bush, currently hidden. Phalen paused to run his fingers through the chest hair and tease Jeff's nipples, before lowering Jeff's trousers, lightly running his fingers over the firm cheeks which flexed each time Jeff attempted to push closer. Finally, Phalen removed the straining black jock. Jeff had tried to stand calmly while Phalen undressed him, but revealed his eagerness by the continual opening and closing of his hands, held close to his sides. The sounds of the desert at night coming through the open patio doors into the moonlit room had provided a musical backdrop for Jeff's moans and murmurs of encouragement.

Jeff exhibited some of his newly discovered aggressiveness when he began stripping his partner. With a look of determination, he tossed Phalen's still unwrinkled linen suit and shirt aside. Phalen glanced at his suit coat, draping across the back of a chair, trailing an arm on the floor, before Jeff's intensity and his own growing excitement prevented him from thinking about his clothes again. Once he was stripped to his jockstrap, Jeff had knelt and mashed his face, open mouthed against the pouch's hard mound. At the same time he gripped and kneaded the smooth skin of Phalen's butt, pulling him closer with an intensity that Phalen found exhilarating. He ran his fingers through Jeff's hair, grasping his shoulders and thrusting his hips forward, caught up in the moment.

After a short while Jeff had stood, breathing heavily, his face glistening with moisture. In a move that was becoming habit, he traced his finger over Phalen's lips. He appeared to be waiting for a response, cocking his head to the side with a slightly bemused expression turning up the corners of his mouth.

"Hm?" Phalen questioned, not opening his eyes.

"I forgot something, lover. --- Something important," Jeff said, his voice husky with pent-up emotion.

"What's that?" Phalen murmured, leaning forward to briefly kiss Jeff's lips, then rest his head on his shoulder. "I don't think you've forgotten anything."

Abruptly Jeff backed up, quickly lifting Phalen in both arms, and walked towards the bedroom. After a brief exclamation, Phalen threw his arms around Jeff's neck, marveling at the new side of Jeff's personality. Jeff hesitated a moment, then brought Phalen's face closer, kissing him gently before lowering him carefully into a bright patch of moonlight that covered the bed. Still holding one of Jeff's hands, Phalen drew him close until they lay entwined in each other's arms.

Phalen grinned, recalling the previous evening's passion, then stretched as he noticed Jeff beginning to stir. "Someone's having fun," he murmured, reacting to the sound of splashing water and laughing voices of people playing in a nearby pool. He thought for a moment. "Are you bothered by the laughter?" Concern edged his voice. "I can close the doors if you want." He yawned once again, then resumed stretching and knuckling his eyes before rolling over to rub a hand over the hair on Jeff's chest.

"No, I'm fine. I was thinking this is one of the first times I can remember, when I've heard laughter like that and haven't broken into a cold sweat. It's a nice feeling." Jeff brought Phalen's hand to his lips and kissed it, then pulled him into an embrace. "Maybe the counselor is doing me some good," he murmured.

Phalen grinned, raising himself up on one elbow to look into Jeff's green eyes. "Whatever's happening, I like it. I thought you were sexy before. Now I can barely stand it, you're so awesome. --- I didn't think it could get any better, but it has." Phalen snuggled into Jeff's embrace and slow caresses. "Umm, that's nice," he sighed. Jeff rubbed his hand down his back, then over the curve of his butt. "Almost as nice as last night. --- I intend to stay in bed all day and wait for the sexy guy who stopped by last night to return. Suppose you can go out and find him for me?" Phalen tried to suppress a grin. "He was really fun, especially when he laid on top of me and shot his load all over my butt while he kissed the back of my neck. That was so cool. And when he cleaned me by licking up his own jiz, I got chills." Phalen rolled over, briefly looking into Jeff's eyes before beginning a kiss, his tongue urging Jeff to open his mouth. After a few moments their lips parted and Phalen resumed his thought. "That guy was so strong. --- I love a strong guy who takes charge. The only problem is, the second time he shot, he left a really big mess on the bed. I'm told he always brags he cums lots. --- The show off!" He chuckled.

"Watch it lover, or I'm going to tickle you until you stop making fun of me."

"Who said I was talking about you?" Phalen became fully awake at the threat of being tickled. "And you better not tickle me. I haven't peed yet.

"Is that why you're hard?" Jeff ran his fingers lightly over Phalen's penis, eliciting more groans.

"Nope, I'm horny 'cause I'm on my honeymoon, 'member?" Phalen moved to straddle Jeff, grasping his wrists and pinning him to the bed by his grip and weight. Phalen's butt grazed Jeff's cock when he leaned forward for another kiss. Without thinking Jeff arched his back, thrusting himself against Phalen. "Umm, I think the big man's dick likes my butt," he murmured, concealing a grin at Jeff's unexpected movement.

Jeff's eyes opened wide and he stopped moving, instantly becoming a passive participant, caught up in memories of his childhood.

"C'mon big man, let's see if we can make a baby," Phalen murmured, once again grazing Jeff's penis, this time intentionally.

"That's not the way it works, Phalen. --- Besides, I don't think I'm ready for the baby part yet." Jeff turned his face to the side, unwilling to see the expression on Phalen's face.

"You mean you're supposed to stick it someplace other than my mouth?" He waited a moment. "I knew I shoulda let Dad finish that birds and bees lecture. Geez, I wonder what else I missed. --- Well, we'll have to do that baby stuff later, after I've figured it out. I know what my tongue's for."

"You mean besides talking?"

"Yes, smart ass. I intend to spend all day having sex --- with the help of my tongue." He leered at Jeff, sticking out his tongue and wiggling his eyebrows. "I bet you get tired before I do. Wanna bet?" Phalen asked seductively, nuzzling his face into the crook of Jeff's neck. A few moments later there was a knock at the door.

Phalen immediately rolled off of Jeff onto his back, his erect penis pointing at the ceiling. "Jeeeefff," he moaned, drawing out the name and throwing an arm over his eyes in exasperation. "Where do we have to go where we won't be interrupted, the moon?"

"I'll bet it's breakfast." Jeff scrambled into the bathroom to grab a robe, at the same time shouting to the person at the door that he'd be there shortly.

"It's not the breakfast I want," Phalen called to Jeff's retreating back and flexing butt. He laid flat on his back, frustrated, his legs spread wide. "I was hoping for a liquid breakfast --- direct from the source. You planned this didn't you?" he complained, raising his voice to be heard. "You knew I'd outlast you. --- Coward!"

"I'll bet he's bringing coffee." Jeff rushed back through the bedroom after grabbing a robe, stepping over cast-off clothes and checking to make sure he had lost some of his erection before answering the door. Somewhere in transit he seemed to have lost the robe's belt. After a brief scan of the room, he decided he'd have to hold the robe closed while he dealt with room service.

"Coffee's good," Phalen said to himself. Jeff opened the door to face a smiling waiter who was in charge of a cart holding not only breakfast, but also another large vase of roses.

"Sorry for the delay," Jeff said breathlessly, gesturing for the waiter to come in. "You know how it is." After a cheery greeting, the waiter nodded and pushed the cart into the room, carefully navigating around items of cast-off clothing. He stood for a moment looking around while Jeff attempted to sign the bill and keep his robe closed at the same time. The waiter seemed interested in the scattered clothes, turning his head from side to side trying to see everything. He was wide-eyed, no doubt wondering what kind of party the guy who answered the door had held last night.

"Get your butt back in here, Jeff. I'm still horny! Has the breakfast guy left yet?"

The waiter's head snapped up, his eyes amused at the interruption, and at Jeff's expression.

"Not yet, though I'm sure he's going to have some stories to tell when he gets back to the kitchen." Jeff glanced at the waiter who was avoiding his eyes and trying not to smile.

"Well, whenever he leaves have him put the 'come-back-tomorrow' sign on the door. I'm not sharing you with anyone else, even if they do bring food. Let him tell the people in the kitchen that!" After a brief pause, the muttering continued. "Next vacation we're going to the fricking moon!" The closing of the bathroom door silenced any more comments.

The waiter had stopped staring around the room, and was now craning his neck in an attempt to see into the bedroom. When Jeff returned the check, he smiled brightly. "Have a good day, sir. --- Oh, and have fun," he said with a wide smile. He turned to Jeff and deliberately placed the do-not-disturb sign on the handle, then winked, and with a cocky salute, closed the door. Jeff was left to shake his head and marvel how his attitude toward being perceived as gay had changed in a few short months.

Phalen wandered into the living room still rubbing his eyes and yawning, looking like an ancient Greek statue come to life --- after a particularly rough night. When he focused on the breakfast cart he began laughing. "That romance-guy better stop sending flowers. People are gonna think someone died." He shook his head while pouring a cup of coffee. After stopping a moment to savor the fragrance, he brought the cup to his mouth. He swallowed twice, and after a moment of respectful silence, sighed. "I feel human again. --- Wonderful stuff, coffee. --- Now, let's eat." He rubbed his hands together, as he always did when anticipating a meal. "Then let's play. Someone's going to have to carry you out of here, big man. I'm going to work you over so thoroughly your legs will feel like they're rubber!"

"Promises promises," Jeff joked, reaching out as if he were planning to tickle Phalen, who jumped back quickly. "You never stop to think what I'm going to do to you." Jeff began examining the covered plates, and absently continued. "You really should, you know," he continued, looking up. "I've got big plans for the man I love."

"I get it. Big plans --- a good joke, Jeff. You're gonna have to wrestle me before you can get what you want. --- But no tickling, or I may pee on you. I have no control when I'm being tickled ya know."

"Umm, that might be fun."

"Jeff, what's gotten into you?" Phalen laughed, looking up from the breakfast cart and leaning forward to closely examine the man he thought he knew. "What kind of stuff are you learning from that counselor-guy?"

'It's Sunday. Why am I at the office pretending to work?' Larry leaned back in his chair, resting his feet on his desk. 'Let's face it. I'm bored. Bored to tears, bored to death, overwhelmingly bored.' --- He thought for a moment, idly swinging the chair from side to side. 'I wonder how many ways I can think of to describe how bored I am.

'What a life! Helen's once again got me dangling like some fish she caught, letting me squirm until she decides to grant me a divorce. And here I am like always, standing around waiting for her to make a decision.' Larry jumped out of his chair and began to pace across his office, once to the door noting the empty desks beyond, then to the window overlooking downtown Phoenix and the people far below. 'I bet none of them are as bored as I am.'

He flopped down on his chair, letting out a whoosh of breath. 'I wonder what Jeff and Phalen are doing right now.' After thinking a moment, he rephrased the question. 'I wonder what Jeff is doing.' Larry grinned as he resumed rotating the chair from side to side, this time leaning back to stare at the ceiling. 'Jeff, the man who threw my mind into turmoil the very first time I laid eyes on him.' Larry closed his eyes and grinned. 'Jeff's beautiful green eyes, his shy smile --- and his accent! I could listen to him talk for days. His voice is --- what?" Larry frowned in concentration. "His voice is soft and furry. That's it! It's like a favorite blanket you wrap yourself in on a cold night. Whenever he touches me my skin tingles.' Unconsciously, Larry touched his lips. 'The time he kissed me --- on the lips --- I stopped thinking.

'Hell, Jeff is my son's lover! I'm fooling myself to think Jeff would ever betray Phalen. Besides, I wouldn't want him to!' Larry opened his eyes, a guilty expression creeping over his face. 'I would never do anything to hurt Phalen. He's even more important to me than Jeff.

'I would like to see the two of them have sex though.' Larry smiled, once again leaning back in his chair, this time with his hands behind his head. 'You're a voyeur Larry Weston!' he thought. 'Damn right, I am. --- I'm also horny!"

The ring of the telephone yanked him from his reverie. 'Who knows I'm here?' went through his mind as he grabbed for the phone, nearly overturning his chair. He missed the phone's receiver on the first try, but snagged it on the second, raising it to his ear.

"Hey Carl," Larry greeted Helen's attorney, a close friend of his since law school days. "Has she decided what she wants?" Larry listened to his friend, nodding and doodling on a desk pad. "Okay, pal. Thanks for searching me out on a Sunday. When you have the papers ready I'll sign them." He listened while his friend continued speaking. "You too. Thanks."

Larry replaced the receiver and once again leaned back in his chair, his fingers beating a rhythm on each of the chair arms. After a few moments of this, he inhaled deeply, then released his breath in a rush. 'It's finally over. Helen's out of my life forever. --- Now what?' His fingers continued their rhythm.

Abruptly, Larry leaned forward, tentatively reaching for the telephone, but stopping before lifting the receiver. He stood and resumed his pacing, running his fingers through his hair, then knuckling his eyes before once again turning toward the telephone. He looked away almost guiltily, only to be drawn toward the phone as he passed it on another circuit across the office. Finally, with a determined look, he perched on the edge of his desk and reached for the receiver. He punched in a number, idly swinging a leg while he waited for someone to answer.

"Hey Andrew, this is Larry Weston --- from the gym. I'm good. You? --- Say, I'm wondering if you have anything planned for dinner tonight. I just got word my divorce is final, and I guess I should celebrate. Would you like to join me?" Larry listened, continuing to swing his leg and absently draw circles on his desk with a finger. "No, I don't know what being free means to me. It's most likely going to take a while for everything to sink in." He paused a moment then added. "I would like to see you for dinner though, if you've got the time."

After a few more moments, Larry looked up from his doodling and smiled. "Good, I'll pick you up. Is six okay?"

After hanging up, Larry sat quietly; all movement stilled, and then looked out his office window, absently biting his lip. He stood, and walked to the glass, once again looking down on the pedestrians below. 'I don't think I'm going to be bored much longer,' he thought, shaking his head and smiling.

"I wonder what Dad's up to," Thian asked his brother, walking up to him from behind and resting his hands on his shoulders. Kerin turned from the computer screen to look up at his brother, then reached up to touch one of his hands. Thian absently began kneading the muscles of his twin's shoulders, a ritual each carried out for the other. Kerin relaxed and leaned back, looking up and smiling.

"You always know what I want, T. Can you read my mind?"

"Um hum, didn't you know?" Thian stopped his massage, and began to caress Kerin's bare chest.

"Hey big brother, you know how much I like that." Kerin shivered as Thian's fingers brushed against his nipples. "Don't start something you're not willing to finish."

"Who said I'm not willing to finish?" Thian kissed the top of his brother's head. "I'm still wondering what's up with Dad," Thian murmured, directly into his brother's ear. "He's in the kitchen, whistling. He just got off the phone."

"Must mean he's got a hot date." Kerin turned his face toward his brother, welcoming the waiting kiss. "You're a bad influence, T. Every time I start studying, you come in and make me hard."

"You're always hard, K," he laughed, ruffling his brother's blond hair. I don't have anything to do with it.

"Do so. I always get hard when I think of you, T. That must mean I think of you a lot. 'Course I don't like to let you out of my sight. You never know what a horn dawg like you might do if I'm not around to be your conscience." Kerin nudged his brother, hoping for a response.

"Humph," Thian grinned, continuing to nuzzle Kerin's neck. "Jeff didn't make you hard when you saw him naked the other day?"

"You mean the human hose?" Thian grinned at Kerin's description.

" I have to admit, he's got a really sexy butt. Oh, and his voice --- and his lips. I like his lips too. I feel a little spark whenever he gives me a kiss on the cheek." Kerin was quiet for a few moments. "I think the sexiest thing about him though, is his accent. Damn, he hates it. I melt when he talks to me. The English language has never been more beautiful than when I hear it coming from Jeff's lips.

"Pinch harder, T," Kerin instructed his brother, who was lightly pinching each nipple. "Um yeah, that's it. --- But even with the hose and the accent, Jeff doesn't make me hard. --- He gets close, though." Kerin leaned back against his brother, tilting his head back to look into Thian's eyes as his brother leaned over him.

"Um, yeah, I love his accent too," Thian murmured, enjoying his brother's reaction to his chest being worked on. "But his lips can make me hard. He kissed me that one time, at his house, when we went over to help him move in." Kerin nodded in recollection. "He kissed me on the lips. Even though I was upset, I got hard. Beautiful lips." Thian was quiet another moment. "The rest ain't too bad either. --- Even the hose. He could feel Kerin's chuckle beneath his fingers. --- What about Phalen? Does he make you hard?

"Ah, Phalen. He's like a puppy, always jumping around waving his arms, full of energy. He's one of the sexiest men I know." Kerin squirmed when Thian ran his hands over his stomach, then cupped his crotch and gently squeezed. "Phalen's got strong hands, just like you, big brother. He's also smooth like you. That gets me excited. And --- he's got the sexiest smile I've ever seen. The first time he smiled at me I stopped talking." Kerin laughed at the unlikely image of him being silent. "When Phalen smiles at you, you know you've been smiled at."

"Yeah," Thian murmured. His face was next to his brother's, their cheeks touching, while he continued massaging Kerin's crotch through his shorts. "And he isn't even aware of what his smile does to people, is he? I like the smooth skin too. He's about as smooth as you, little brother, even though you are developing this line of hair from your pubes to your navel," he joked, playfully pulling on a few hairs. "Does Phalen make you hard?"

"He has. --- I never told you."

"Hm?"

"Phalen and I beat off together in the shower at the Varsity weight room. Don't worry," Kerin added, when he noticed his brother's hands had stopped moving. "We were at least ten feet apart --- and I never touched him. He didn't touch me either. Neither of us planned it, T. We saw each other naked and got hard." Kerin turned to his brother, indignant with the memory. "He hardly looked at me! I might as well have not been in the same room, for all he cared! He was standing there, slowly playing with himself with his eyes closed and his head tilted back."

"Thinking of Jeff, I bet."

"Got it in one. Do you have any idea what being ignored like that does to a man's ego? I don't like being ignored, especially when I'm showing everything I've got! Hell T, I almost got soft, being ignored like that."

"Almost?"

"Yeah, almost. He is sexy --- but not as sexy as my big brother." Kerin turned to Thian and drew him into an embrace. "What do you say we get naked and play?" "What'll we do about Dad and this new guy?"

"He's a big boy. He can handle himself. Besides, our bed's not big enough for four."

Jeff's hands were shaking so badly he could barely hold the room key. His breathing came in gasps as he inserted the card into the slot. He listened for the click, then pushed the door open, closing it behind him. With a sigh, he leaned against the door trying to regain some control.

Phalen was still out by the pool, the center of attention for a gaggle of women. His yellow swimsuit showed off his firm round butt and full pouch. His broad chest, boyish looks, and dazzling smile, were magnets to every woman at the pool. They all wanted to see his new ring, to touch him, and bask in the glow of his smile. Jeff remembered thinking once that Phalen should be a politician. Everyone would love him, but instead of the politician kissing the proverbial baby, in Phalen's case, everyone would be lining up to kiss the politician. Jeff had grinned at the image. Phalen leaked confidence, even when he was only covered by his yellow swimsuit.

"I need something more than a swimsuit to hide behind." Jeff moaned, sliding down the door into a crouch.

While Phalen played the center of attention, Jeff had laid back to enjoy the sun, dimly aware of the laughter, punctuated from time to time by Phalen's voice and the occasional mention of his name.

"Wonder what's going on over there." A deep voice on the other side of a large flowering bush, had broken into Jeff's solitude.

"That's just one of them fags from the restaurant last night," another, younger voice answered. "I understand there were two of 'em, kissing and getting all nasty --- right there in front of everyone. Finally, a waiter threw them out."

Crouching against the door, the voices were with him still. He could hear the words, filled with innuendo and outright lies. The words of bigots. The voices, their tone so much like his childhood recollections, had triggered a reaction.

"I guess he didn't throw 'em far enough. --- Why's he have to wear a swimsuit like that? It's just not decent."

"I hear you, brother. Someone should take matters into their own hands and do away with trash like that. Then decent people like us wouldn't have to fear being jumped by people like them."

"That's too true. I heard someone say. . . "

Jeff had gone cold. His breathing became strained as the men continued their talk, unaware of his presence. He tried to stand, but his knees were shaking so badly he had to hold onto the chair to help steady himself. He reached down, blindly grabbing for the towel. He had to get away, but in which direction? He couldn't remember. He looked first one way, then the other, searching for something familiar. --- 'That way,' he decided, and began walking. He looked up to see Phalen watching him. He had raised his hand and attempted to smile. 'Let Phalen have his fun,' he remembered thinking. 'I have to get away from here, to someplace quiet --- and warm.'

It was quiet in their room, but he was still cold. Jeff hoisted himself to his feet and slowly walked to the bathroom. The trembling and shortness of breath had passed, leaving behind a deep embarrassment and a feeling of failure. 'I've been trying so hard.' He closed the bathroom door behind him, wrapped himself in a robe, and sank to the floor, leaning against a wall. He drew his knees up to his chest, resting his head on his forearms.

He was dimly aware of the room door opening, then closing with a thud. Phalen called his name, and then knocked on the bathroom door. "Jeff, are you in there?"

"Yeah."

"You okay?"

"No."

"Come out and tell me what's wrong." Jeff sat quietly, wrapped in his robe, not answering. "I'm serious Jeff. Come out of that bathroom right now." Jeff looked up, only to lower his head back to his forearms.

"I wanna fight big boy, and I need someone to fight with. Like it or not, you're it! Now, open the door or I swear I'll kick it in." There was a moment of silence. Jeff's mouth turned up slightly, amused at Phalen's threat. "I'm stronger than I look," Phalen yelled in his best drill sergeant's voice. "So what'll it be? Do I have to break down the door to get to you? It's your choice."

"I'm coming," Jeff called, wearily. He moved first to his knees, then managed to stand, dropping the robe in a heap on the ceramic tile floor. He opened the door slowly and came out into the bedroom. "It wasn't locked, Phalen."

"Oh. I shoulda tried first." --- What were you doing in there?" He asked, alarmed at Jeff's waxen appearance.

"Sitting."

"Oh --- for that long?"

"Sitting on the floor, depressed, sulking, frightened, I don't know." Jeff began an aimless circuit of the room. "Phalen, I overheard a couple guys laughing about me giving you your ring in the restaurant. They were joking that someone should beat up some fags to protect everyone from being jumped." He turned suddenly to face Phalen. "They were saying things about us that weren't true!" He resumed his pacing. "I started having those flashbacks. I started shaking, and I had to get away."

"I should have been with you instead of joking around with those people." Phalen reached out in an attempt at consolation.

"No, you being there wouldn't have made any difference. Besides, you can't hover around me all the time, making sure that I don't hear something that makes me remember." Jeff turned back, an anguished look on his face. "I feel as if I've ruined our weekend." He sat on the edge of the bed, running his fingers through his hair, then flopped onto his back, staring at the ceiling. He held his breath, then let it out with a slow puff. "It's like I haven't made any progress at all."

Phalen turned to face him, extending his arms to either side, the tanned Greek god wearing a yellow Speedo. "For Pete's sake Jeff, get a grip on yourself!" Jeff tilted his head, opening one eye, not sure what to make of Phalen's outburst. "Sorry, I just wanted to say that --- that's all."

"Well, I'm glad you got it out of your system." Jeff laid his head back. "Where's the take charge man I've been spending my honeymoon with?" Phalen asked, beginning to pace back and forth, finally stopping at the foot of the bed with his hands on his hips. "Well?"

Jeff shrugged, not meeting Phalen's eyes. "I don't know. Maybe he's not for real."

"Oh yes, he's for real --- and you know it! Jeff, you're going to have ups and downs. If you think about it for a moment, you'll know I'm right. Don't start thinking again that you can never win, just because you overheard a couple assholes who have trouble telling which direction is up. One other thing you need to realize. A few weeks ago, this sort of thing would have sent you into a tail spin. I think you're making lots of progress. It's going to take some time. We can't expect all those problems that have been building up for fifteen years, to be wiped away in a couple weeks."

"I feel like crawling into a hole and let the world go by." Jeff paused a moment, reflecting on what he had just said. "I know that's a foolish, but Phalen, sometimes it's so hard." Jeff turned toward Phalen, anguish apparent in his eyes. "I think I'm doing well, then wham."

Phalen sat on the bed crossing his legs, and took Jeff's hand. "Jeff, believe me, I know you're in pain, but that's not reason enough to stop embracing life, and attempting to get everything you can from it." He stopped for a moment, continuing to absently run his thumbs over Jeff's open palm. "Pain is a lot like --- time. Each one of us experiences it, and there's nothing we can do to stop either time or the pain. Jeff, the only question is, what moments of laughter and love can we create for ourselves that will help us face those painful moments.

"I don't know about you, but this weekend has been the very best of my whole life. And, it's not nearly over. The two of us are creating some of those good memories that we'll be able to remember with a smile. --- Jeff, these are some of the memories that will help us get over the rough spots." Again, a moment of silence, this one longer. "You've got to remember, we're in this together."

"You sure, Phalen? I mean about me not ruining the weekend?"

"Yep, I'm sure. We're gonna have to face some bad moments as you learn to overcome your past. I know it. --- So do you. We'll get through them. --- Jeff, both of us can do nothing but go on. That's all we can ever do. Whenever anyone gives advice, that's really what they're saying. It's the only thing they can say. Just go on, and do the best you can."

"Boys, I'm outta here," Andrew called, sticking his head into the twins' bedroom. Not surprisingly, his sons were naked, lying in each other's arms, dozing. Whenever he saw them like this he thought he should get a larger bed for the boys. Each time he brought the subject up, both refused, saying they enjoyed the bed they had been sleeping in since they were kids.

"It's small enough that it keeps us close," Thian told his father by way of explanation.

"I don't want to have to reach too far to touch him," Kerin would always say. "Our bed is perfect."

"Where ya going Dad," Thian asked, turning over and admiring his father. "You're looking good tonight. Hot date?"

"Yeah, real hot. We're going to dinner. Do I look okay? Not like the sex-starved man that I am?" There was no need for him to ask about his looks. He knew he looked good, from his dark blond hair to his chest that strained the fabric of his bright white Polo. His dark blue slacks clung to his narrow hips and rounded butt, accenting his long legs. Andrew carried himself with an air of confidence, the perfect image of a rugged man that knows what he wants, and is seldom refused.

"Sure Dad. You look great."

"Sex starved?" Kerin piped up, still lying on his back, partially covered by his brother. "Since when? The only person I know of who has more sex than you is big brother here. --- Oh, and me." Kerin chuckled.

Andrew laughed. "I guess we should face it boys, this family likes sex."

"Is this date someone new, Dad?" Kerin asked, raising himself up on one elbow to look at his father. Do we know him?"

"Nah, I only recently met him at the gym. We're going out to celebrate his divorce. I've heard him tell someone he's not gay."

"Believe him Dad," Thian warned. "Don't take advantage of the poor guy. He should know if he's gay or not."

"Yeah, Dad. Don't hurt him. He's probably vulnerable right now. If he says he's not gay, don't question him. Besides, I'm sure he doesn't want to spend the evening with you on top of him. --- You are still a top, I presume?"

"Sometimes Kerin, and you?"

"Dad, I'm serious."

"Yeah, Kerin. I know the script. And don't tell me to beat off before going on the date in an attempt to control my urges. I've tried that. It doesn't work. Besides, you guys should talk. I wonder if your coach knows what you mean when you tell him how often you work out at home."

"Where's a shoe, Kerin?" Thian laughed, looking around the room. "I bet I can hit him."

"I'm off, boys. Don't you guys wear yourselves out!" Andrew called, walking down the hallway whistling to himself.

"There's more to a relationship than sex, Dad," Kerin yelled to his retreating back.

"Yeah, yeah."

"The poor guy doesn't know what's about to hit him," murmured Kerin, laying back and pulling his brother to his side.

"Who, Dad?"

"No, his date."

The traffic light turned red. Larry brought the car to a halt, troubled because he had asked another man to go on a date. 'What am I doing this for?' he thought to himself. 'Am I so starved for affection that I'll call up a guy I hardly know and ask him to dinner --- secretly hoping he'll ask me to go to bed with him?' The car behind him tooted its horn, urging Larry to move. 'I'm sure he's gay. I've heard some of the guys at the gym talking about him, and I've noticed him watching me when some of us guys go out for a drink.' He thought a moment longer. 'The question is, am I gay, or bisexual? Hell, I don't know. Maybe I need a psychiatrist.'

Larry barked a laugh. 'The person I'm going to dinner with is a psychiatrist. Maybe I should tell him I'm really horny, and I'd like him to help me out. --- Sounds like something Phalen would say.'

He frowned, realizing he shouldn't jump into bed with the first guy that crossed his path. He had already made that mistake eighteen years ago, when, as a naive teenager, he asked Helen to go to a movie. Even at the time, he couldn't figure out what exactly had happened. It had taken him a few years to realize that she used his sexual inexperience to capture him, a living-breathing trophy for her to show off to her friends. When he finally did realize what had happened to him, they were parents, and the gap between them began to widen. Larry rubbed the back of his neck in aggravation. 'From the day I met her, I meekly went along with whatever she decided --- and look where it got me. Better to have no relationship than another one like that!'

Larry shook his head, continuing to drive on autopilot, not really thinking about what was going on around him. 'That's no good. I can't live alone. I need someone to talk to ---- to hold and to laugh with. I've realized how much I've missed contact since Phalen moved, and I've been rattling around in the house by myself.

'Every time I visit the guys, I go home envious of them and their easy going relationship with each other.' Larry frowned, steering through a slalom course of road construction barricades. 'Face it Weston,' he thought. 'You're envious of Phalen because he's got Jeff. --- Admit it!

'Jeff and that damn accent.' Larry swerved to avoid a renegade driver, lost in the road construction obstacle course. 'His accent, and those sleepy green eyes.' Larry sighed. 'I've run this track before. Jeff is not available. --- Oh, and his hairy chest,' Larry continued his thoughts. 'I really like that, too. I guess Phalen and are alike. We both like hairy chests. --- What is it they say? We like what we don't have?

'Andrew's got a hairy chest, and a rippling stomach --- and a firm round butt, and a huge dick. Even bigger than Jeff's.' Larry laughed and rubbed a hand over his crotch, realizing how much he had been paying attention to Andrew every time he saw him in the gym showers. 'If only he had an accent he'd be approaching wonderful. Of course, I'm assuming he's a nice guy. Even jerks can have a nice chest.'

Another traffic light changed. Larry brought his hand back to the steering wheel, finally leaving the road construction behind. 'I wonder what it would be like to be held by Andrew. --- He probably likes to arm wrestle, or throw a football.' Larry frowned, slowing down to search for the address he had been given. 'I hate football, and he looks pretty strong. --- Is that what I want? Someone strong?

'That's what Phalen wanted. I've often wondered if Jeff is strong enough for Phalen. Of course he's physically strong, but there are other kinds of strength. That's what Phalen and I both want. --- Geez, I never realized how much Phalen and I are alike. I don't want someone too strong though, after all, I've finally rid myself of Helen. I don't need a replacement.

Andrew stood in the living room looking out the window and thinking about his son's advice. 'Is it possible that he really isn't gay? Ha,' Andrew thought to himself. 'I know when a person's gay, and this guy is, whether he knows it or not. That's probably why his wife left him. Wives can figure these things out. It didn't take long for Alice to get my number.' He grimaced in memory. 'Of course coming home unexpectedly and finding me slamming the next-door neighbor's butt was a dead giveaway. Great butt on that guy. It's funny, I can't remember his name.

'Alice would have left me right away, if she hadn't been pregnant with the twins. She did leave immediately after giving birth, never setting eyes on her sons. I don't think she's ever seen them.' Andrew shook his head. 'If she could get over the gay-thing, she'd be as proud of them as I. They're wonderful boys.

'I wonder if they turned to each other because they didn't have a mother when they were growing up. --- They seem happy in their relationship, and they always did need to be together. Even as infants they would cry when they were parted, but would calm down when they could be close enough to touch each other.' Andrew smiled, recalling how difficult it had been for him to deal with two infants. 'It took a long time to realize that if I put them in the same crib, they wouldn't cry. Two boys one bed, worked like a charm.

'They've always shared the same bed --- even now, when it's too small.' Andrew smiled broadly, thinking of the two naked men wrapped in each other's arms a few feet away. 'They're like one person. Whenever one is absent, the other is talking about him. After the boys pitched enough fits, school officials finally gave in and would always put them in the same class. Their need to be together has lessened as they've gotten older, but it's easy to tell they still don't like being apart. Great looking --- and smart. Good boys.

'I wonder if they could be right about Larry. Does he really only want a friend, and not a sex partner? Would it even be possible for me to be only a friend?' Andrew stopped, realizing that he had been pacing. 'Kerin's right about most things. For all his joking around, he's the one most grounded in reality. He can see right through most situations --- or people.

'Sometimes I wonder if he's turned his analytical vision on me --- and found me lacking. It's a disturbing thought that my son is capable of seeing into my soul.' Again, Andrew stopped his pacing. 'I'd never admit it to them, but what the boys think of me is important. Maybe Kerin's right.

'But Larry is so sexy --- so tall and lean. Every time he laughs he shows his dimples. I love it. He seems reluctant to laugh, like he doesn't know how, or hasn't done it very often.' Andrew realized he had been standing next to the living room window, drawing small circles on the glass with his finger. 'I wonder. Could I make him laugh? --- What would I tell a patient who drew circles on a window while daydreaming. --- Their life is a circle they need to break out of? --- Sounds good.

'Hey nice car,' Andrew thought, as Larry pulled up to the curb and stopped. Andrew ran to the front door, closing it behind him, and waved a greeting.

"Larry, why are you so nervous? On top of appearing to be sad, you're acting like something awful is about to happen. I can understand the sadness as a reaction to your divorce. I don't understand the nervousness."

Larry shrugged. "I'm confused, I don't even know what game I'm playing." Andrew looked bewildered. "Sorry, that's something my son says. He plays baseball. He's also never at a loss for words."

"How old is he? Are you a baseball dad?"

"He's eighteen, a good young man. I'm proud of him. He's had to play baseball without me, though. I've promised myself that I'll be attending more of his games next year. He's gotten a full scholarship to play on ASU's baseball team. Like I said, I'm proud of him. He was also offered full scholarships at a few other schools, but he wanted to stay close to home."

"You haven't answered my questions. You're pretty good at deflecting the conversation."

"Damn, you're tough."

"So I've been told," Andrew laughed, playfully flexing one of his biceps. "Wanna arm wrestle?"

"I wondered if you arm wrestled," Larry said, leaning back in his chair and laughing.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. I'm nervous because I feel as if I've asked you out on a date. I mean, I hardly know you."

"I'm glad you asked. I'm enjoying myself. --- Are you pleased to be out of your marriage? --- I hope you don't mind my asking. It's the psychiatrist manifesting himself. I can't stop prying into people's business." Andrew grinned, looking at Larry over the rim of his glass.

Larry was staring at the table, toying with his meal. "No, I don't mind. Being a lawyer, I ask a lot of questions too. And yes, I'm glad the marriage is over. We stayed together primarily because of my son. As soon as he turned eighteen she left, never even saying good-bye to him. I'm angry with her for that.

"Even though I was married, I spent the last eighteen years alone. Since she's been gone, I've really been alone. I've realized I hate it. I don't want to jump into anything, though. I don't want to repeat the disaster I've experienced with Helen." Larry grinned sheepishly. "I've always thought of her as Mount St. Helen. She would rumble constantly and blow up from time to time. She's an in-your-face sort of person. I would always give in. Since she's gone I'm having to establish a sense of self worth. During our marriage I learned to not think much of myself. She would verbally beat me up, then wipe her feet on me. --- The picture of a wimp. Probably some sort of classic image from one of your textbooks, I'll bet."

"No, not a wimp, a peacemaker." Andrew continued to watch Larry as he assimilated the role of peacemaker into his self-image. 'Kerin's right. This man is vulnerable. He's also a nice guy. Maybe he isn't gay.' Andrew broke the silence. "So, do you want someone in your life? Do you have any prospects, or is it too early to have thought about?"

Larry returned to toying with his food, not meeting Andrew's eyes. "No, there's no one. It's been so long since I was free I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'm afraid of starting something, fearing that it might turn out to be another disaster."

Andrew looked thoughtful, and then appeared to come to a decision. "Look Larry, I've gotta tell you in case you haven't already heard. I'm gay." Andrew searched for some sort of reaction. Nothing happened. "Are you bothered by being out with a gay man?"

"No, I'm not bothered by it. My son is gay. It's cool."

"Mine are too. --- Do you think you might be gay? Is that why you think you're so confused?" Andrew looked up. "Sorry, I told you I ask lots of questions."

"No, I'm not gay. --- At least I've never thought of myself that way. I've never done anything sexual with a guy, ever. --- I do envy the relationship my son has with his partner, though. It's everything I wish I had had with Helen."

"Are you looking for a woman to replace Helen?" Andrew watched as Larry reluctantly shook is head. When he wasn't forthcoming with any more information, Andrew asked, "Are you looking for a man?"

Larry shrugged. "I'm mixed up, Andrew. I don't know what I want."

"Hypothetically, can you imagine yourself having sex with a man?"

"You mean with you?"

"No, with a man?"

"Hypothetically, I can't see myself with another man. But the thought isn't abhorrent." Larry thought a few moments, facing Andrew with a troubled look in his eyes. "I'm not afraid of having a sexual relationship with a man. I'm afraid of being too old for anyone to be interested in me. I mean, I'm thirty-seven. Not exactly an age for most guys to get excited about. --- As a gay man," Larry grinned, showing his dimples, then continued. "Andrew, as a gay man, do you think anyone might be interested?"

"Oh yeah. I guarantee it."

"Really?" Larry raised his eyebrows, seemingly surprised at Andrew's fast response, and at the answer.

"You're serious, aren't you?" Andrew asked, studying Larry's face for a disingenuous response.

"About what?" Larry continued to look pleased at Andrew's earlier answer.

"About wondering if I thought guys would find you interesting."

"Sure, why else would I ask the question?" Andrew could detect only honesty.

"Larry, you seem like a genuinely nice guy. There aren't very many of them around. I know. In addition to being a great guy, you're as handsome as they come. You've got a great job. You've got a killer body. --- I've seen it at the gym, remember? You've also got sexy dimples and sparkly eyes, and a great voice. Not at all what I would expect the voice of a lawyer to be. Oh, did I mention your killer body?" Andrew paused, enjoying the blush coloring Larry's cheeks, visible even in the dim light of the restaurant. "What else can I say?"

"I guess that about covers it." Larry grinned. "You did forget one thing." At Andrew's quizzical look, Larry laughed. "I'm available!" Andrew smiled, pointing a finger at Larry and winking.

Larry continued smiling a few moments longer, basking in the compliments he had received. "You probably say the same thing to every guy who takes you out to dinner," Larry joked. Andrew grimaced.

"Yeah, well . . . not really. I've surprised myself at the things I've been saying to you. You're easy to talk to."

"Why aren't you with someone, Andrew? Have you never found the right person?" Larry leaned forward, both forearms resting on the table, his attention totally focused on his dinner partner.

Andrew shrugged, unaccustomed to answering someone else's questions. "I've met a lot of right persons, I guess. --- Larry, my wife left me immediately after she gave birth to my sons. She caught me with someone." Andrew looked puzzled, scratching his head. "I've never told anyone that, not even the boys. --- I wonder why I'm telling you." Larry quietly waited for Andrew to continue. "I like sex, Larry. I like the feeling of lying next to a man, both of us sweaty because we've just finished having a great time in bed. I love the smell of a man, and the taste. I love the type of companionship a man offers, as well as the type of challenges. --- The problem is I can't seem to settle on just one man. Maybe it'll happen one day. Perhaps someone I've already met was the right one. Who knows?"

Larry sighed, "It seems as if we're both troubled by something. I should take lessons from my son." Larry smiled in recollection. "He told me he had never had sex with anyone before meeting his partner. His partner was the same. --- Within an hour they were in bed. I should know, I walked in on them." Andrew raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Not when they were --- in the act or anything --- but right afterward," Larry hastened to add. "Boy were they cool. --- I wish I understood myself as well as they both know themselves."

"Why don't you ask him what he did, then duplicate it? --- I'm wondering. What did he do? Do you know?"

"They were sitting on the pool deck eating a pizza. My son the athlete, began a wrestling match, eventually pinning his partner whose back was lying on the pizza. My son is also a fast thinker --- and a neat freak. So he starts shouting that they had to get all their dirty clothes off to keep from making a bigger mess. Well, one thing led to another, and before long they were living together."

"A pizza?"

Larry nodded. "Yeah, they made quite a mess. Pieces of pizza and pepperoni were scattered all over the patio, as well as being stuck to their clothes. My son even had sauce in his hair. I guess they were too busy to notice."

"Talk about a food fight." Andrew chuckled. "After hearing the story, maybe that's not a good approach to take with someone, especially if you find a woman you're interested in. --- I can see it now. 'C'mon Myrtle, let's get nekkid and sling pieces of pizza at each other, then wrestle around in the mess." Andrew was silent for a moment, cocking his ear as if listening to Myrtle's reaction. "What do ya mean?" you say in response to her outraged shouts. "You don't hafta get all dressed up, and it's better 'n mud wrestling! I coulda asked you to do that!" Larry joined Andrew, laughing at the imagined scene. "There's more, Myrtle," Andrew paused for effect. "When we're done wrestling, we can eat the pizza off each other, and lick each other clean! You can't do that with mud, now can you?"

Larry threw back his head, abandoning himself to the joke. Andrew watched the reaction, as well as Larry's sparkling eyes and dimples. "On second thought, maybe that's not such a bad way to break the ice," Andrew continued. "I like the eating part, though. Don't you?"

"Hmm," Larry responded, wiping his eyes with a napkin, continuing to chuckle. "Can you hear it? When someone asks how you and Myrtle met, you tell them, 'At a food fight!' When they give you a strange look, I can imagine you getting all indignant. 'We only go to the best restaurants!' Larry shook his head, "Nah, wouldn't work for me. I can't see myself wrestling you down on top of a pizza."

"Me?"

"Hm?"

"What do you like to do, Larry? What are your hobbies?"

"I only have one. I've lived in a pretty repressive atmosphere, remember? I love to jog."

"Jog!"

"Yes. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing's wrong! How do you think I keep my killer body?" Andrew asked, sitting back in his chair, displaying his muscled chest and firm nipples."

"Ohh, I'm impressed," Larry teased. "I bet those nipples really help on a long run."

"Smart ass! They help make the entire package look better." Andrew leaned closer to Larry and said with an air of confidentiality. "I really run because I like people to see me in my jogging shorts. They're slit up the sides, all the way to the waist band."

"That's the kind I have too! I bought them because it's easier to move in them." "Don't you think you look good in them? --- I mean with a body like yours, you have to know people are looking at you."

"No, I never thought of it. You really think I have a good body?"

Andrew leaned back in his chair, and slapped his forehead in exasperation. "Larry, if your body were any nicer someone would pass a law making it illegal to view in 49 of 50 states. It would definitely be illegal in Arizona. --- You'd have to move to California! --- What color are your shorts?"

"Yellow, why?"

"Yellow!" Andrew said in surprise, attracting attention from nearby diners. He moderated his voice. "You can practically see through yellow shorts!" He leaned across the table and lowered his voice even more, causing Larry to move closer. "Are you sure you aren't trying to show off, Larry? I bet people can see your pubic hair."

"No they can't! --- At least I don't think so. --- Really? What color are yours?"

"Red. I'm thirty-nine and approaching middle age. You know what we doctors say about middle-aged people and red things? A person reaches middle age and starts buying red stuff trying to show everyone that they're still young. Well, since I'm not middle aged yet, I figure I'll slowly break myself in to that red-thing. So, I bought some red shorts. When I eventually reach middle age, in another fifteen or twenty years," he winked at Larry, "I'll move on to something bigger. A red sports car, perhaps. Most likely a Ferrari. Yellow!" Andrew leaned across the table again. "I'll bet you look great in your yellow shorts."

"Showing my pubic hair?"

"Even better!" Andrew squinted at Larry, looking at him with a sly expression. "You kind of like the idea of showing off your pubic hair, don't you, Larry?" Andrew grinned at the blush he caused.

"I knew it! You're not so timid as you let on! There's a steaming volcano behind your calm facade."

Larry put out a hand, as if warding off the comment. "Please, no allusions to volcanoes! Remember Mt St. Helen!"

~To be continued~

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on this story. I've been overwhelmed at the response to 'Phalen,' and love to hear from each of you.

If you would like me to send you a pic of the guys that inspired the main characters in this story, email me.

There are a few words and phrases in Finnish that appear in 'Phalen'. Information, which is transmitted in text format, such as this story, when it's uploaded to Nifty, cannot reproduce the punctuation used on a few letters of the Finnish alphabet. I have chosen to use the closest English equivalent. To any Finnish speakers, my apologies.

A special thanks to Larry S. for his assistance with the Finnish language, his help in proofreading, and for being a good friend. Thanks also to Evan Bradley for his continuing encouragement, and for helping me make 'Phalen' a better story, and lastly to Gwynne Yee, for her daily doses of humor, and insight into the behavior of the characters.

A number of readers have written asking for the correct pronunciation of the character's names. They are:

Phalen (FAY-lin) Kerin (KEAR-in) Thian (THE as in Theater (THE-in)

Mina rakastan sinua (I love you)

Thanks for reading.

Roy roynm@mac.com