Picking Up the Pieces

Author's notes-- I am the queen of random updates! Did ya expect this? Yes, no? Well here it is, another chapter of Picking Up the Pieces for you all to enjoy...

MF, Jacqueline and Ian you guys rock! Go read Sentimental Journey... cause it's rather good. (Once ya get past the ahem actual speaking dialogue Ian uses, which actually gets me all confused.)

Disclaimer-- Like hell if I know that Backstreet's gay... It's their business man, not mine. And if you're under 18 or homophobic, then why the hell have you gotten this far?

Shameless plug time... my site, ya know http://insidebubble.cjb.net... go there. Please?

Slight change in format: blah blah means an emphasis on something, usually a word.

Oh and on a side note... don't ask me where this shit comes from anymore, cause I just don't know damn it. I scare myself sometimes...I really do...

Chapter 9

Three days later in what everyone assumed was Philadelphia, AJ, Howie, Brian and Leighanne were sitting around the table in their suites' kitchenette. Whatever had happened at that coffeehouse in New York City four days ago had sent Kevin and Nick further and further apart as the days went on. At first the guys figured that whatever had happened at the coffeehouse would have gotten straightened out eventually. Even if two of the members had had a blow out, the guys were never as distant with each other as Nick and Kevin were being lately.

Sure they had been pleasant with everyone when Amy had left two days ago to head back down to Orlando and go back to work, but otherwise they didn't say much to each other outside of appearances. Kevin had been holed up un his hotel room writing and just generally not saying much of anything, while Nick was in his room playing his present video game system of the tour, Playstation 2. Nick was known for playing his system every so often, but when he wanted to avoid everyone, Nick was locked in his hotel room, playing video games all night long. It was Nick's way of shutting out the world while Kevin's was being silent and brooding.

And everyone was sick of it. The guys in general tried to stay out of each other's personal problems, letting that person deal with their issues on their own, unless they asked for the help. But when it starts to affect the group, as it was with whatever was going on between Nick and Kev, the rest of the guys intervened, regardless of how unwanted they were.

"Anyone have any idea what's going on?" Howie asked as the four friends tried to get a better understanding of what was going on between the two bandmates.

"Don't know D." Brian said.

"Um...I think I might know. Well at least a part of it." AJ mumbled under his breath.

"What?" Leigh asked AJ. She was sitting right next to Alex, yet she had barely heard him.

"I said... I said I think I might have a clue. It's a pure long shot though, now that I think about it." AJ said a little louder.

"Well a long shot is better than nothing." Brian said.

"Okay. Well um..."

"Alex McLean just spit it out." Leighanne said sharply.

"I think Nicky might be in love with Kevin." AJ said quickly. Ever since the photo shoot three days ago, AJ had been watching Nick closely, and he could swear that he saw Nick staring at Kevin when he wasn't watching. The first time Nick had stared longingly in someone's direction, AJ had brushed it off, thinking it was probably some hot guy in the audience or something. But when Nick kept on constantly doing it during one interview, AJ couldn't help but look specifically in the direction Nick's gaze was actually headed. And it was headed right towards Kevin's profile.

"What? Where the hell is this coming from Bone?" a bewildered Howie asked AJ.

"Remember the photo shoot D? Where I thought that there was something weird going on between those two? Well it pays to actually pay attention to your bandmates every once and a while."

"But J come on, this is Kevin we're talking about here. My fricking cousin." Brian told AJ as he stood up from his chair. "My best friend lusting after my cousin? That's pretty un-fucking-believable if you ask me."

"But I'm not. Hell Bri, I'd hate to break this to ya, but your cousin's hot. Shit I even had some wet dreams about the damn guy when we had first started," AJ said heatedly.

"TMI." Howie whispered under his breath. Leighanne heartedly agreed with him.

Brian sunk back down into the chair. "My best friend and my cousin?" he whispered to himself, wondering if it was even possible. Leighanne rubbed his shoulder affectionately while Brian mulled over this new information.

"Rok I ain't sayin' that's what is definitely bothering Nicky and Train, but hell it's the only thing I can think of. And long shots are all we've got at this point." AJ sighed.

"Um, has anyone thought of just asking those two what's up? I mean just like small confrontation, nothin big?" Leighanne asked the three bandmates.

"We could try it, but I don't think that's gonna do much good." Brian sighed as he told his wife.

"Ya see, Kevin is known for avoiding a subject that's too big for him to handle or one that he has no idea how to handle." Howie said.

"The same way Nick's locked up in his room with his Playstation, that's their ways for dealing with issues they don't want to deal with. Nick locks it out and plays all night, and Kevin just broods and keeps to himself. It's their defense mechanisms." AJ said. As much as Leighanne thought she knew about the guys, her husband included, after living practically out of each other's pockets for the last nine years, the members of the band themselves knew more about each other than they ever cared to admit. Their own personal 'defense mechanisms' for problems was just one of those things.

"But there's no fault in trying. Maybe they'll give... or something." Leighanne stated.

"I guess you're right, we've got nothing left to try." Brian sighed. "Look. Why don't Leigh and I try to talk to Frack, while you two try to get something out of Kevin."

"Thanks Rok. Leave us the tough job." AJ laughed, in spite of the situation.

"Hey, it's easier on Nicky if Leigh and I approach him than you two." Brian defended.

"Yeah sure Bri. You just keep saying that." AJ said as the two 'groups' branched off to go deal with their brooding friends.

I had been playing 'Final Fantasy 9' on my Playstation when I heard a knock on the door. "Nick? It's Frick."

My head reflexively went to the door and stared at it, almost waiting for it to blow open or something. And as I heard the sorrowful chords that signaled that I had killed my character, I placed the controller down and went towards the door. "What'd you want?" I asked through the door.

"We just want to talk Nicky." I heard Leighanne's voice say through the door. Dang it, they're ganging up on me. I don't want to talk to them. I'd much rather keep my feelings for Kevin to myself.

Why am I presuming that they want to talk to me about the chemistry between me and Kevin lately? Call me stupid, but I'm pretty sure it's visible to practically the whole fucking world that me and Kevin are kinda 'off-kilter' with each other lately. Okay so maybe not the whole world... but something is visibly wrong to the rest of the guys, and those are the only people that I really need to be concerned about.

"Please?" Leighanne asked again.

I unlocked the door without saying a word to my two friends on the other side of the door and walked back over to my game, restarting from my last save. As I maneuvered out of the town and went back to the mountain pass I needed to go through to get to the next boss of the game, I ignored the door creaking open and the footfalls of Brian and Leighanne entering my room.

As I used my sword to slice apart another demon, I heard the bed creak slightly, signifying that they were now sitting on my bed. There was an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes while they were probably either watching the TV screen... or me.

"Can you just talk to us Nicky?" Leighanne asked.

"What about?" I said nonchalantly as I jumped over a cliff. I was not going to bring up the obvious reason for them being in my room until they did.

"You and Kev? Man, what's up with you two?" Brian asked.

"Nothin." I lied.

"That's bullshit Nick. And you know it as well as I do." Brian stated.

I didn't respond to Brian. I just concentrated on the game, ignoring my best friend completely. In fact I didn't make any response at all to the two of them sitting on my bed until I heard Brian say the one thing I thought no one in the group knew.

"You're in love with him aren't you?" He whispered softly. But it was loud enough to shake my world.

I immediately dropped my controller in shock and my character succumbed to the fiery death of the lava pits. As I stared at the screen, I looked at the reflection of Brian and Leighanne staring back at me.

"Where..." I swallowed once I heard how hoarse my voice had gotten, "Where did you hear that from?"

"So it's true?" Brian asked my reflection, still not being able to see me face to face.

I didn't respond, giving Brian and Leighanne all the confirmation they needed.

Brian swallowed. "How long? How long have you... have you been in love with my cousin?" he said, his voice still hushed in a whisper, and a slight hint of disgust in his voice.

I stared right back at the Brian reflected in the TV screen. "How long have I known? Ever since the photo shoot." I didn't have to specify which one, since we all knew which one I was referring to. "Honestly? I've probably subconsciously known for about four years. Takes being drunk off your ass to put everything in perspective." I laughed slightly, but got no response from the two practically still forms on my bed.

"And when were you gonna tell us?" Leighanne asked me.

"Probably um... never." I fully admitted.

"Never? Nick why the hell would you never tell us something like this?" Brian asked me forcefully.

"Why? Take a look at your reaction right now, and you tell me why I would never tell you." I said as I pushed myself off the floor and went to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door, tears brimming in my eyes.

Seconds later I heard a knock on the door. "Nicky open up." Leighanne asked me softly.

"Why?" I whispered as I sniffled.

"Because I want to talk to you. And no Brian is not standing right next to me ready to smack you or something." She said compassionately.

"Okay. But just you." I said as I undid the lock and let Leighanne squeeze into the already small bathroom. She relocked the door as I sat on the toilet seat.

"So my little Nicky is in love with my husband's cousin." Leighanne said playfully.

"Geez Leigh, when you put it that way it sounds like I'm committing incest." I said as I put my head in my hands, staring at the tile pattern on the floor.

My small, pitiful attempt at humor was not lost on Leigh. She had a small smile on her face and a giggle escaped her lips. "No it isn't Nicky. I actually think it's cute."

I gave her a questioning look. "You're kidding me. You think incest is cute?"

"Not the incest thing..." Leighanne said vehemently. "I think it's cute that you're in love with Kevin."

"And why would you think me pining after Brian's cousin is cute?" I asked incredulously as I wiped my eyes.

"Because it just is." Leighanne stated simply. "And don't worry about Bri. He'll come around in a minute. He just has to absorb the shock."

"Absorb the shock." I laughed harshly. "You sure that's all?"

Leighanne walked over to the toilet, kneeled next to me, and started rubbing my shoulder soothingly. "Don't worry Nicky."

"It's not like I asked for this to happen." I muttered to myself.

"And sweetie, Brian knows that. Come 'ere." Leighanne said as she sat down and motioned for me to come sit next to her. I slinked down from off the toilet seat and sat down next to Leigh. She enclosed me in as big a hug as her small frame could muster. Just then we heard a knock on the bathroom door. "See that's probably him right now." She whispered into my ear.

"Who... who is it." I asked.

"It's me Frick." I heard Brian's voice from the other side of the door.

"Do you want me to open the door?" Leighanne asked me.

I shook my head yes as Leighanne stood up and went to the door, unlocking it. As Brian opened the door Leighanne slipped out, going to probably sit somewhere in my room, I couldn't really notice her past Brian's frame.

Silence ruled in the bathroom for a few seconds as Brian started at me and I had put my head back in my hands. "Can I come sit?" Brian asked me tentatively as he took a step into the bathroom.

"Sure, what the heck." I muttered loudly.

Brian sat down next to me as we both stared at the bland beige shower curtain in the bathroom. Brian broke the silence first.

"I guess there could be worse people for you to have fallen in love with right?" Brian laughed slightly.

"Yeah." I said as we both continued to stare at the curtain.

"Like AJ... or Howie..."

I laughed. "Glad they aren't here to hear you say that."

"Yeah otherwise my ass'd be grass right?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "So... you're okay with this?"

"Yeah I'm good. Hey in a perfect world, I'd be set. My best friend and my cousin together, not hating each other. No need for me to ever take sides... but then there'd be that whole problem when you two get into a fight... I'd have to choose family over friendship. Tough decision there."

I looked at Brian. "Like that's ever gonna happen." I sighed.

"Hey, ya never know. We good?" Brian asked me.

"Yeah, we're good." I said as he gave me a hug.

"Besides," Brian said as he finished his hug, "family wins any day." He smiled.

"You ass." I said as I punched him playfully in the arm.

"Leigh! Nicky's punching me." Brian whined.

"Oh stop whining you baby and take it like a man." Leighanne called from inside my room.

All three of us laughed as Brian and I walked back into the bedroom, and I felt better than I had in a long time.

AJ cautiously knocked on Kevin's door. "Who's there?" Kevin's gruff voice asked from the other side of the door.

"It's me and D. We wanna talk." AJ called through the door.

"Fine come in." Kevin said as AJ tried the doorknob and found it was unlocked. AJ took an exaggerated deep breath and opened the door. Howie had a smile on his face, but he didn't want to laugh and break the mood.

Walking into the room, AJ and Howie couldn't help but take a look around. Kevin's suitcase was haphazardly thrown to the side of the room, with a small pile of clothes on the side and on top. The bathroom door was open and through it, the two bandmates could see Kevin's toiletries splayed across the countertop. The blinds in the room were partially shut, giving the room a shadowy appearance. Kevin himself was laying on top of a very unmade bed with the covers and sheets rumpled around him and he was staring up at the ceiling. "What'd you want?" Kevin asked as he continued to stare up at the ceiling.

"We want to talk about you... and Nick." Howie said, as he and AJ just stood in the middle of the room, feeling too awkward to actually find a place to sit.

"What about?"

"What's going on with you and Nick Kev? All of a sudden you two can barely stay in the same room with each other, like there's some tension there that we don't know about... that we need to know about in order for the group to function cleaner." AJ said, trying to put more authority in his voice than he felt at that moment.

"And let me guess. You want to know that tension?" Kevin said absently.

"Yes." AJ said.

"And what if I don't want to tell you."

"Then we won't leave until you do." AJ said hotly.

Kevin exhaled. "I'm not going to tell you right now, so you might as well leave. Save us all the trouble."

"Kevin Scott Rich... ya know what?" AJ practically yelled. "Forget it. Just forget it. You want to lay here and wallow in whatever funk you got yourself into over Nicky, then fine. Be that way. Just fuck it all." AJ yelled as he slammed on the wall and stormed out of the room.

Howie just stood there for a few seconds. "And what do you wanna say D?" Kevin asked Howie, still not looking up from the ceiling.

Howie approached the bed. "Whatever the funk is that's between you and Nicky, you need to find a way to straighten it out. If not right now, at least some time soon. We are here for you Kev... all of us." Howie said as he approached the door. "And just in case you forgot, with you being lost in your own little pity party and all, Leighanne is leaving later this afternoon, so if you'll be kind enough to get yourself out of your funk long enough to say good-bye to her, I think she'll appreciate it." He said as he closed the door to Kevin's room softly.

Kevin continued to stare up at the ceiling, but if you looked closely at him in the darkness, you would be able to see the small tears that trailed down his face, and the small wet spots that were located on either side of his pillow.

Later that day as we were saying goodbye to Leighanne at the suite, me and Kevin were standing as far away as possible. I also noticed that AJ was giving Kevin death looks, but I had no idea what that was for.

As Leigh was giving hugs and kisses to everyone, and an especially long one to Brian, she whispered into everyone's ear, giving them special messages. I saw her give a stern look to Kevin after he whispered message, and Kevin blush slightly. Ya gotta love a woman that can make as old a man as Kevin blush in embarrassment.

When she got to me, she gave me an extra hard hug and pressed something square into my hand. "I think you're gonna need this more than I will." She whispered into my ear as she gave me a kiss on the check and an understanding smile.

"You ready to go girl?" Marcus asked her. He was going to escort Leigh to the airport where she would get on a plane and go back to Atlanta.

"Yep. All set." She smiled to him as she picked up her carry on and Marcus and Q took her bags. "See ya soon sugar." Leighanne said to Brian as she gave him and extra hug and kiss goodbye.

"Bye sweets." Brian said affectionately as Leighanne left the suite to start her return home.

I left immediately afterwards and unfolded what Leighanne had given to me. It was a picture. More specifically it was a picture of me and Kevin from that first night he had comforted me. I was nuzzled into Kevin and we both had slight smiles on our faces. Leighanne was right. It wasn't much, but it was more than enough for me. The hope that maybe someday, we might be able to smile like that in real life was a good enough hope for me.