- Q
Call me "Q" for now. I'm a college freshman. 18 years old. Virgin. Sub (I think). Queer, but I knew it was something I had to keep hidden . . . or else.
I was the smartest kid in high school. My best friend lived a couple houses down the block. He was a wild kid, always in trouble. His name was Danny. He really looked like a Danny, too--at least in my own mind. Dirty blond hair, brown eyes, lanky with a sneer that stirred up feelings in me I was afraid to entertain too much—except for when I would lay in bed stroking my smallish cock, imagining that Danny was making me suck his dick. But as soon as I shot my cum into my underpants I would roll over and make a quick Act of Contrition and hope that I wouldn't die and go to hell before I got to go to confession again. Good Catholic boy. Tormented Catholic boy. Frightened Catholic boy.
One of the priests in our school met with us in seventh grade and told us that if we ever "committed the sin of self-abuse"---that's what he called it---and then died without going to confession, we'd go to hell. Nice thing to tell 12 year old boys who were just discovering how much pleasure they could give themselves. We didn't understand why he called it "abuse" because we liked doing it so much. He was the one being abusive, creating a class full of self-hating Catholic boys. His threat caused many of us to fear our sexuality, to think there was something dark and evil about it. That's what they had done to me in that horrible school, turning us all into conflicted adolescents riddled with guilt.
We moved away the summer after tenth grade. I begged my parents to let me go to public school and they finally relented.
Public school was great. The kids laughed at me when I would stand up whenever a teacher would walk into the room. It was a hard habit to break, but finally I started to relax and enjoy myself without always having a knot of fear in my belly. Damn, the teachers were all so nice. There were girls in class and that was very weird after 10 years in an all-boys school.
Some of them the girls told me I was cute and that made me uncomfortable. I thought the boys were cute, not the girls. A lot of the boys were crazy about them and talked about "getting to second base" with girls and "fingering them" and the thought of it grossed me out. Big time. That's what made me realize I was queer. Queer as a three-dollar-bill. There was another guy in the school that everyone called Queer and he used to get beaten up a lot. I knew I had to pretend I liked girls.
But fuck, I liked boys. I would peek down at them when they stood next to me at the urinals. I jerked off all the time thinking about seeing them in the showers and getting to suck their dicks. I really wished Danny would let me suck his cock. But it never happened.
For some reason Danny took a liking to me even though I was a lily-white innocent smart kid who had never had a friend before. We used to play chess all the time. Sometimes he won; sometimes I did; we were evenly matched. I guess he liked me mostly because I wasn't afraid of him like most of the smart kids in my class were. His mother kept telling him that she wished some of my goodness would rub off on him. I was hoping that some of his naughtiness would rub off on me. I was hoping he'd rub his dick off on me.
He was the ring-leader of all the "tough kids" in the school. He put the word out that no one should ever pick on me the way they picked on the other smart kids. Good reason, too: they were in a snobby clique and acted like they were better than everyone else.
When eleventh grade began, in public school (thank God!!!) I decided I wouldn't let on that I was so smart. I tried to act tough. I sat in the back of class, or at least near some of the kids who were always getting in trouble.
One day we had a Math test. When I went up to the teacher's desk to get mine back, he gave me a weird look. I had gotten 100%. He smiled at me and whispered, "I won't give away your secret, but sooner or later everyone will know." In the meantime, I put up a good front. I had a great sense of humor and as I got more relaxed after always being tense in the past, I started making sarcastic remarks here and there that got some of the wild kids laughing. They liked me. This was a new experience for me. I'd never been liked before.
Danny took a real liking to me. My mother didn't like me hanging around with him. "He's a juvenile delinquent," she kept telling me. Secretly, I wished he would help me rebel against my strict up-bringing. Once he convinced me to sneak out of the house late at night. One of his friends picked up us in his car and we road around town. They had baseball bats and the game they played was to see how many mailboxes they could knock over hanging out the windows of the car as they drove along the streets. Not my cup of tea, but I just went along with it all and tried to make them laugh a lot. They decided I was cool. It was fucking cool being cool. And oh yeah, that was the year I started using the F word a lot, just like my brazen buddies.
One day a couple of months into the school year, we had an all-school assembly and they announced the names of the kids with the highest academic averages. It turned out that I was the top student in the school. That made the smart clique of students furious at me. But my buddies cheered their damn heads off when they found out that I had beaten out all the wise-ass creeps. I became their hero in a weird sort of way. Danny had started me smoking cigarettes, and sometimes I would have a smoke in the boys' room. Danny's buddies would actually play chicken for me so I didn't get in trouble.
My "queer secret" got buried deeper and deeper. I was so afraid that if Danny and his friends found out I was a queer, that would be the end of things. One day while we were setting up the chess board, Danny told me he wanted us to make a bet. "The loser has to blow the winner," he said. I made sure I lost. He gave me a funny look and started to pull his zipper down. My blood was racing through my body. But then he backed off and told me it was only a joke. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Fortunately he didn't realize my mouth was watering at the idea that I'd finally get to see his cock, that I'd finally get to have a cock in my mouth. Danny's cock. fuck!
Anyway, once I went away to college, I lost track of Danny and quickly forgot about him. I'm not sure what happened with him because his family moved away shortly after I left for school. I bet he probably ended up in juvie somewhere. Maybe even worse.
Things were different in college. One thing that surprised me was all the graffiti in the bathroom stalls. All sort of things from guys who claimed they either wanted to suck cock or wanted to get their cocks sucked. This was a real revelation. It blew my mind. For the first time in my life, I realized I wasn't alone. A lot of college boys were apparently like me. Now if only I could get to meet some of them.
One day I posted something of my own. "Want to suck a dick for the first time. Please?" was what I wrote on a couple stall walls. Every day I'd go and check to see if anyone ever replied. "You're a sick fuck!" someone wrote. Well, I already knew that. I'd been well indoctrinated. I was sick, queer, abnormal, perverted, faggot, cocksucker, filthy, disgusting, deviant. All that had been pounded into my spirit by the time I was eighteen and I believed all of it. But do you realize that when you call a kid a bad name, there's always a good chance the kid would end up believing what you told him? That's what had happened to me. That's what I was and now, at 18 years old, I wanted to be able to prove that all those things were true about me, prove I was a sick cocksucking perverted queer. If only someone would take me up on my offer!
Finally it happened. I remember it was a Thursday. Someone had taped a piece of paper under my ad. I took it off the stall wall and read it. "Thursday at 5 pm. Meet me behind Avery Hall. Stand there barefoot. If I approve of what I see I'll nod to you. Follow me into the bathroom and stand next to me at the urinals. I'll take out my dick. Watch me get hard.. Then do what I tell you."
Was this for real? Shit, I was really setting myself up for trouble if it wasn't. I mean, whoever wrote that would know what I am if I was standing there barefoot. What was that all about? I was a fucking nervous wreck. I had to look up Avery Hall on a campus map. It was way off by itself in a far corner of campus. My stomach was doing flip-flops but I was determined to go through with it.
I got there and waited until a couple minutes before 5 before I took off my sneakers and socks and put them in my backpack. It felt so weird just standing there barefoot. I felt like I was totally naked. Damn, I started getting hard. This guy walked past me, then turned around and nodded. He went into the building. I followed him to the boys' room. The place was pretty deserted. Good thing.
He was several inches taller then me. Good looking. Blond hair, which was always a turn-on for me. He walked right up to a urinal and took out his cock. I went and stood next to him. The floor was sticky under my bare feet and I didn't like that. But so what? This was my first real contact with a guy who would let me put his dick in my mouth so I was willing to put up with just about anything for a chance to finally get to suck cock.
He never looked at me. He just stood there and stroked his dick. I took out mine too, just in case someone else came in. He got hard quickly. Fuck. It was gorgeous. It looked pretty big to me and had a nice cut head on it. I stared at it and watched him stroke it. I wished I could just kneel down right there and let him shove it in my mouth.
He turned to me and pointed to a stall. "Get in there and drop your pants." I did what he told me. He stood at the stall door. "Turn around so I can see your ass." I thought I was gonna cum right there. I hesitated a bit. He reached over and pushed me all the way in. I did what he told me—dropped my pants and turned around to show him my ass. He slapped my butt cheek. Holy shit, that turned me on!
"Turn around and sit." I did what he told me. "Open your mouth, faggot." I got a little scared at the way he was talking to me but I did what he told me to. Without even closing the stall door he stepped in closer to me and put the tip of his cock right to my lips. "Lick the tip," he told me. Holy shit. Here it is! I licked it like he said. There was some moisture on the end of his dick. It was a little salty. I licked the head of his dick clean, tasted cock juice for the first time.
"Tell me the truth. Is that really the first time you ever tasted the end of a guy's cock?"
"Yes, Sir, I swear it."
"You want it?"
"Please, Sir?" Why the fuck was I calling him Sir?
All of a sudden the door to the bathroom opened, but he didn't move. Next thing I know another guy was standing there looking in at us. Uh-oh.
"So this is the one?" the new guy asked him.
"Yup. Just licked the pre-cum off the head of my dick."
"Cute boy."
"Stand up again. Let us see what you're packing, faggot."
Nervously I stood but I was really getting scared at the way they were talking to me. I was about to say "never mind," but next thing I know they were both in the stall. One of the put his thumb to my lips. "suck it," he said. "Start practicing."
I took the whole thing into my mouth and toyed with it with my tongue, just the way I had always imagined I would do to Danny's dick if he ever let me.
The other guy who had showed up took my dick in his hand and started stroking it.
"Hey, this kid's got a little boy dick." The guy chuckled. I felt myself blushing.
The blond guy said "put your hand around my cock. Feel a man's cock, boy. Don't stroke it. Just hold it."
The guy who had been playing with mine let go and then wrapped his hand around my ball sac and pulled on it a bit. "Like that, faggot?"
"Um, yeah."
"What if I pull harder?" And he did. I started bending my knees. He slapped me across the face with his other hand. "Stand up straight, faggot."
I straightened up and he pulled a little bit more. Then let go and started slapping my balls. Right away I bent over. That really hurt. No one had ever done anything like that to me. Not ever.
The blond guy put his hand on the back of my neck and made me bend over more until my mouth was right even with his cock. "Open up. This is what you want, isn't it? To have a cock in your mouth?"
I opened my mouth and holy shit, he slid his dick into my mouth a few inches.
"Hold me right there. Run your tongue around it." I did so. I tasted more of the salty stuff dripping from his dick.
He turns to his buddy. "so what do you think?"
"Let's give the kid a try."
He pulls his cock out of my mouth and slips it back inside his pants.
"So here's the deal, kid. We'll bring you back to our room if you promise to be a good boy and do what we tell you? Deal?"
"Yes, Sir. Please."
"Ah isn't that fucking hot! He's begging you for it."
"What's your name, kid?"
"Gary."
"Tell you what, Gary. We're gonna go back outside. You get yourself together. Put your shoes back on then come outside. We'll bring you to our dorm. We'll teach you how to suck cock."
The other guy speaks up. "You sure you want to go through with this? You're not going to chicken out on us?"
"No, I promise I won't."
"You wanna be a good boy for us, Gary?"
"Hope so, Sir."
"Okay, we'll give you a try. Just don't disappoint us. Don't fucking waste our time."
"I won't, Sir."
"Promise?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Okay, Gary. We'll give you a chance. So hurry up and get outside. Oh, and my name is Danny. His is Scott. But you can keep calling us Sir. That's hot."
DANNY!!!!! Holy shit. I swear, this was a sign from God. I decided right then and there that the priests lied to me. God doesn't hate me just because I'm queer. God is looking out for me.
I had trouble getting my socks back on because I was so nervous. I really hoped these guys weren't just fucking with me. I hoped this was the real thing.
As it turned out, it was a lot more real than I ever could have imagined.
So that's my first chapter. Hope you like it. My name's Greg. ogt009966@gmail.com
When not send a little money to Nifty: https://donate.nifty.org so we can keep the site going with all these hot stories?