I was on my way to a treatment center in the country. The clinic was 100 miles from home and in an obscure place. I had tried to find information about the Charles Hawthorne Clinic on the web, but nothing had come up.
I began this journey when I decided to tell my primary care physician about my crossdressing habits. I had been living with this ever since coming into puberty. I was 38 now and I decided I needed a new life. It was embarrassing when I brought the subject up with my doctor, certainly nothing that I had looked forward too. No one new about my nasty little habit, but now my doctor knew.
I don't know why I was trying to change other than I wanted to try a life without living in the "closet". I was dressing a lot in the secrecy of my home, and I felt it was time for a change. The crossdressing gave me pleasure, but it did not seem "normal" and I was making a conscious effort to break the habit. I had already felt better when I blurted out about my crossdressing to my doctor.
He did not appear to be shocked; he just began writing notes in my medical journal. He had asked why I did this along with a few other questions. I had responded to him that it was to relieve stress. I had lied to him but I felt it didn't matter. I had told him that I did not get aroused, I did not want to be a girl and I did not dress that often.
I also told him that I did not use crossdressing for any perverted sexual act. I had said that I just liked the feel of the soft undergarments and it made me happy to be dressed in feminine clothing. The dressing made me relax. He commented that if it brought me pleasure and relaxed me, that I should not be concerned. He then continued with more questions.
I replied no to a desire to be with other people either male or female when dressed and I was very forceful when I replied absolutely not to looking at pictures of other crossdressers or nude men on the internet. I just was not that kind of person. I knew all of this was a lie as I answered his questions but I did not want to admit to any of this.
He suggested that I check into this Charles Hawthorne Clinic, it specialized in people that were struggling with difficult habits such as mine. My physician assured me that my medical plan would cover the cost and that I should be prepared to be away for 3 weeks.
He then told me to stand and that I was going to be examined. It was time to be checked for typical male problems and I was told to drop my pants. I got very, very nervous and said that I did not need an exam at this time, I was feeling fine, I had no medical issues and I had come in to speak with him about my crossdressing habit. I had just wanted to talk.
He then looked at me and asked if I were wearing panties; I replied no and I turned red in the face. He approached me and put his arm on my shoulder and said relax, but that I was to unbuckle my pants and drop them.
I felt sick to my stomach because I had lied about the panties. I told him thank you and started towards the door, when he told me in a very forceful voice to stop and turn around and drop my trousers. He said that he needed to check me before I entered the clinic and besides it was time for my annual physical.
I don't know why I stopped and turned, but I did and then I found myself unbuckling my trousers and I let them drop. To my total embarrassment, I was standing there not only in a lacy black thong, but I also had nylons and a garter belt on as well. My little boy-clit as I called it was noticeably wet in the front of my panties and was a little hard. I had never been so embarrassed. He assured me that it was all right, I was not the first person that he treated who liked to dress as a girl.
I then began stammering while I was trying to explain the clothing. He told me to be quiet in a very gentle voice and that I should stop worrying.
He then asked me to remove my shirt and step out of my trousers. What was I thinking when I left home this morning, again I was about to be humiliated, I was wearing a little camisole as well. I felt lucky that I was not wearing my bra. There I stood in a thong with nylons, a garter belt and a camisole. I was only missing my bra, wig and makeup. I was standing in front of a man, my doctor, dressed like a girl, wet and a little hard and obviously lying to him as well.
He then told me pull my panties down, hearing that just made the situation worse, then I was to bend over and grab the gurney. I felt his finger enter me and move around. Normally I would not like this, but I caught myself pushing down on his finger and moving my hips. I immediately froze. He did not say anything, but his finger remained in me longer than past check ups. He then pulled out and I remember feeling a little disappointed. My little clit was getting hard and he told me to face him. I looked down and there was a little glisten on the head of my clit. He wiped the tip of my clit with a Kleenex, which just made it glisten more.
He then had me to do the usual cough, but this time he massaged my scrotum and rubbed the head of my clit. I got real hard. He did not say a word but he told me to pull up my panties.
As I pulled them up, he then explained to me very calmly how to properly tuck my balls into place and then trap my penis between my legs so as I would look smoother in front. He asked me to come closer to him and he gently pushed my balls up and then bent my penis back. Then he pulled my panties up very tight so my penis stayed back in place. He reached behind me and pulled the thong deeper into my ass. I just stared at the ceiling. Doesn't that look better he asked? Without looking, I nodded yes.
Don't worry he said, I am not making advances; I just want to show you the correct way to tuck, before you hurt yourself. I did not know what to think other than I was frightened.
I was then instructed to sit, which I quickly did. The chair was cold on my penis which touched the chair because it was between my legs. I jumped up then sat again.
I'm sorry he said, I don't know what I was thinking. Just a second he said. My doctor stood and went to his desk, pressed the intercom and said "Nancy would you please bring in a robe". In what seemed like a second, the door opened and in came his nurse Nancy carrying a pink nylon robe. The doctor asked in there was something less feminine and Nancy said no.
This was the worse thing that could have happened. Nancy glanced over at the doctor, and then looked at me. My doctor had seen me dressed as a girl, now his nurse, this was crazy I thought.
Nancy told me to stand so that she could help me with the robe. I did as told, Nancy glanced at the doctor after putting the robe on me; he had turned away and was entering information on his computer. Nancy then grabbed the thong strap in the back and pulled it, then ran her hand along my ass. She then had me sit.
The doctor turned then he assured me as I sat there in girl's underwear that I was not the first man that he had treated. Also he told me that he did not see this as a very big issue; that many men dressed in clothes of the opposite sex. I sat there listening with my legs crossed, my ass cold because I was wearing a thong. I was shaking a little because of the cold and because of what had just taken place.
Finally the doctor said that he needed to do a series of tests before I left. It would help me achieve the results that I wanted. He also said that he had personally treated 43 other men who liked to crossdress and asked him for help. All of them were very satisfied with the results.
He then asked me to follow Nancy to another treatment room where this series of tests could take place.
To be continued