The following is a work of fiction and is the property of the author. If you are looking to get off quick, read something else This is a story about the inter-relationships of males of differing ages. It's a story with some sex, not sex with some story.
Pop
Chapter 21 (continued)
Dex was pissed at me. Maybe that's not the right word to describe the mood of my partner and lover. With anyone else he might have exploded and expressed himself in the most straight forward of terms, but I sensed with me it was more than just pissed. He was hurt. He had shared with me his total being, holding nothing in reserve and, rightly so, he had expected I had done likewise. Now he knew that expectation had not been fulfilled.
Sitting across from me I would have been prepared if his eyes had held anger and indignation, but that was not what I saw. They broadcast feelings of hurt to me and his stare ripped into me like a knife and made me ashamed.
"I never intended to deceive you, Dex." I stated, noting a tone of pleading in my voice which I had not realized would be there. "I would have told you, I knew the need to tell you, there just never seemed to be the opportunity to do so.
"One of the many times I held you in my arms and told you how much I love you might have worked." he suggested with no change in his expression or mood.
"You're right." I capitulated. "Somehow, `I love you Dex, by the way, I'm a runaway Doctor of Psychology', just never seemed to fit into those occasions in my mind."
"I don't find this funny," he told me in a flat, humorless tenor, "and you downplaying it as unimportant implies I'm being foolish."
"That is not my intention. I would never treat you in such a manner." I emphasized to him.
"How am I to feel, David." he asked. "I am totally in love with you. I have opened myself to you in so many ways which I have never shared with anyone before. But now I have to ask myself, am I sleeping with my lover, or am I being manipulated by some rogue therapist ?"
"You already know the answer, Dex." I suggested. His stare softened and I could see him resolve some of the anger. "Nothing is any different than it has always been. You will always be the one I want to come home to, whether I'm a Fireman, Psychologist, Garbage Collector, Lab Technician, or Health Club Owner. I love you, not what you work at and I think you feel the same way."
"Let's not get too far away from the actual topic here." Dex steered me back on track. "You are a specially trained individual, a Doctor, who has skills in dealing with people most of us don't possess. I like my world clear, so I understand what I'm dealing with. You held back information from me which could have affected the way I understand you. That's not the sharing which both of us committed to." I thought about it from his viewpoint for a minute.
"I apologize." I acknowledged. "I can see now this has more importance than I attributed to it. I could have told you, but I held off because I was afraid. I realize my fear was unfounded, but I thought I would be treated differently. I thought you might pull away from me and that frightened me. I'm sorry if in doing that I under appreciated you."
"You should have trusted me." Dex said.
"I do trust you with every fiber of my being." I testified. "It really wasn't a matter of trust, it was an expectation of natural reaction. Doctors, be they Surgeons, Medical, or Academics are seen in general as something different. Whether they are honoured or despised, the title invokes a preconceived attitude from people they aren't even aware of. Our sitting here right now indicates it did something like that for you."
"You're right." Dex agreed. "It invoked the knowledge there was something very special about you which for some reason you have chosen not to share with me. Your generalized crap about other peoples' attitudes has nothing to do with this. This is between you and me." He was right. I kept dodging the bullet on this. The fact was I had not trusted him enough to explain my full life to him. I was having trouble understanding it myself, because Dex meant as much to me as anyone ever has.
"You're right, Dex." I admitted. "If you are willing to listen, I would like to tell you everything and maybe while I'm doing that, I can figure out why I held it back from you, because I really don't understand it myself." Dex nodded and over the next hour I filled him in on the details of my life, right to the point of my moving here.
After I was done my story, Dex sat and looked at me for a long time. His stare did not convey any message, no anger, no hurt, nothing which gave me any clue as to the substance of his thoughts. He finally cleared his throat and began to speak.
"Do you think there is any possibility you did not share this story with me before," he asked slowly, "because you have been convincing yourself your previous life was finished, but I would know it isn't ?" The question set me back. Way back. I gave him the credit of understanding me, possibly more than I had allowed myself to believe.
"How do you see it, Dex ?" I asked.
"You're a winner, David." he said. "You walked away back there on your own terms, but you weren't satisfied with the situation when you left. We both know it still is not finished. You didn't tell me, because you didn't want me to know you would be going back to finish it." My impulse was to argue, but I knew I had to think about what he was saying. "The problem here is you didn't trust I would wait for you. I will you know. I'll wait as long as you need."
"Can we talk for a few minutes, Tom." I asked.
"Sure, Pop." he answered. He came into my office and after closing the door, sat in a chair beside the overstuffed chair I was sitting in.
"Tom, I understand Sensei Adamson wants to ask Neil to go out." I said. "How do you feel about that ?" He sat quiet for a minute and I could see he was really thinking it over.
"I think he should ask him." Tom responded. I was a little surprised about the openness I was hearing from him.
"I thought you might find them dating to be upsetting to you." I observed. He looked to the floor and swung his feet back and forth briefly.
"I don't think Neil and I feel the same way we use to since we have other people around to care about." he suggested. "I still love Neil and I know he loves me, but we're brothers now. I think things have changed since we first met and our feelings have changed too."
"And if Neil and Sensei Adamson find they have strong feelings for each other ?" I queried.
"That would be really good." Tom enthused. "I know Cliff and John have been real great to Neil, but he deserves to have someone just for him. I'm going to have someone like that, someday. Someone like Dex is for you, Pop, but that's in a few years. I'm still a kid for now." I was very pleased with the growth and independence Tom was showing. He's such a great kid.
Chapter 22
"Cliff, can I ask you something really serious ?" The muscular State Trooper stopped the forearm curls he had been repeating and turned his full attention to his young friend. He and Billy were alone in the free weights room, wrapping up their regular exercise routine. They had always had a special relationship, ever since the youngster had been old enough to call the bigger boy's name through the fence between their yards. Cliff would come over and pick him up and swing him around and around while Billy squealed and laughed, begging him to do it again. Cliff had watched over the boy, taking on a parental role, even though only nine years separated their ages. Since Billy's Mother had entered the hospital the final time, Billy felt Cliff was all of his original family remaining to him and it strengthened their special bond even though he loved his new family and parents.
"You know you can, Mutt." The nickname was an old one which Cliff used, but only when they were alone, ever since Billy had become a teenager. Only John shared the secret of the name with the two of them.
"If a guy has sex with another guy and likes it, but is still interested in girls, is he gay ?
"Why does he need a label, Mutt ?" Cliff asked. "Why can't he just be a guy who likes sex with another guy, but is still interested in girls ? Does everyone have to be slotted into one of a few general categories ?"
"I guess not." he said uncertainly. "When someone asks you if you're gay, how do you answer ?"
"It would depend who asked me and why." Cliff counseled. "Whatever I choose to do in a bedroom with a willing partner is really not anyone else's business. I think I understand what you're getting at. You've heard me say, "I'm gay and proud of it." which is using a label for my own purposes. I think it's different to label yourself and align yourself in a certain category, than to allow others to label you."
"But I don't know what I am." Bill explained. "What do I stand up and declare I'm proud of ?"
"What do you mean, "what you are" ?" Cliff moved over and put his arms around the boy. "You are a smart, handsome, incredibly sexy, young man who is starting to explore his sexuality at his own pace and in the way he chooses. That's what you are. That's what you should be. A perfectly normal seventeen year old. Horny, hung and hot." Bill laughed at his friend's expression.
"I got another question that needs your expertise to answer." Bill said. "I want to know how to have sex with a guy without hurting him." Cliff was a little uncertain. He thought he knew what Bill was getting at, but he wasn't positive.
"Tell me more." he suggested, hoping Bill would clarify what he really wanted to know. Bill hesitated and then figured, who could he better trust than Cliff.
"Jim and I have been doing some experimenting." he explained. "He wants me to have sex with him, but I said I wouldn't, until I was sure I wouldn't hurt him. You can't tell anyone this, Cliff. I think his older brother has been using him for sex and not being very considerate about it. If he and I are going to do it, I want him to find out it can be better than what's been happening to him."
"When you say "have sex", I take it you mean having intercourse." Cliff clarified. Bill nodded.
"I'll tell you how to do this, Bill, but I can't guarantee there won't be any pain." Cliff told him. "If you do as I tell you and he has been having intercourse already, then if there's any, it would be very slight. If you had waited awhile, we would have shown you how it's done, Mutt, but seeing as you're in a hurry, this will have to do."
"Next year, when I'm 18 and we won't be breaking any laws, I want you and John to show me." Billy assured him. "You will be my first, Cliff and John will be second." The big man looked into his friend's eyes and saw determination. "I decided that a long time ago."
Included with my invitation to the official ceremony was a copy of the announcement. Dr. Eleanor McDivott was going to retire. Since I had departed the University, my mentor and friend had been appointed Dean of the School of Psychology and now, three years after that appointment, had decided to become Professor Emeritus. I could only imagine the toll the strain had exacted on her over this time. Eleanor was never a woman who's age was discernible, but I estimated she must be around 70, or even a little more.
The next day, I received a letter from the President of the University, inviting me to speak at the retirement banquet. There was a hand written note enclosed from Eleanor, telling me it was her wish I speak and to please come a few days ahead, as she was looking forward to spending some time with me. I drafted a response the same day to the University, informing them I would be pleased to speak for about 15 minutes. This evening I called Eleanor and talked with her for about an hour. She had received annual Christmas cards from me, but respecting my wishes, had made no attempt to contact me until now. I realized after talking with her, how much I had missed our discussions and her friendship. She sounded well enough and insisted we stay with her during our visit. She inquired about my `companion' and I gave her all the highlights about Dex. I arranged with her to send two additional invitations for the ceremony and dinner, so I could pass them on to Betty Grolier and Millie Tudpost. I thought they would both find it a very special occasion.
"You're going back." Dex stated with just a trace of an `I told you so', in his voice.
"I'm going back." I conceded. "And you're going with me." Dex looked at me with a shocked expression on his face. "You didn't think I would go there without showing off my guy, did you ? Eleanor invited us to stay with her."
"She knows about me ?" he asked with a surprised note in his voice.
"You were just about the first item on the list we talked about." I assured him. "Eleanor is anxious to meet you. She says after she adjusts to being retired, she's going to come and visit us for awhile."
"Wow, David." he responded. "That's great. I know you've missed her, even though you've never mentioned it. She's one of those parts of your life that's been missing." My man is very perceptive.
True to his promise, Billy hosted a sleep night in his room for Tom and Greg. The two younger boys had missed Billy's extra attention even though they knew and accepted Jim's need for it. Jim had expressed some feelings of jealousy over Billy making an extra effort to accommodate the other boys until Billy made it very clear there was enough love in their lives to go around for everyone. This was one of the first steps for Jim in accepting the other boys as companions and realizing his responsibilities now being one of the older brothers.
The four spent their evening laying around reading comics, talking, listening to some music and also entertaining Timmy and Brian. The two younger members had not been invited this time to sleep over, but they were included in all the evening activities. When their bedtime came along, Pop herded them off to their own room and settled them into bed. The others were allowed to stay up as long as they liked, but all were into their beds before midnight, Billy and Jim in the big double bed and Tom and Greg in the sleeping bags on the air mattress on the floor. After the lights were out and the boys started to settle, the discussions got underway. The boys decided to play 20 question of their own variety. Each would ask a question which had to be answered honestly. The person answering could ask the next question.
"Jim, is it better living here than at your house ?" Greg asked.
"Most of the time." Jim replied. "I miss my family, but you guys are good company. Pop has helped me understand a lot of things about both myself and my brother. I feel better about myself since I came to live here."
"Tom, what do you like least about living here ?" Jim asked.
"Sharing Billy with the rest of you." he responded. "Before you guys came, I had Billy and Timmy to myself and I liked it. Now I need to share and sometimes it's hard."
"You know you can always come and talk, or just hang with me, Tom." Billy interjected.
"Yeah, I know, but sometimes it just doesn't work out right. It's not that I really mind sharing, I don't. I guess I just need someone who's mine sometimes. Even Timmy is off doing his own things with others now. I think it feels lonely sometimes."
"You can hang with me too, anytime you want, Tom." Jim offered realizing for the first time he could be important to someone too.
"Me too." Greg echoed, not willing to give up any of his time and attention from Tom.
"Thanks guys. I know you're all there, just like Pop and Dex." Tom answered. "Billy, are you happy here ?"
"Very." Billy announced. "Who could ask for more ? I've got five younger brothers to kick around and I get to blame them for anything that goes wrong." The three others were on him in a flash and each thumped him several times with their pillows. Billy was laughing so much, he hardly noticed.
"Jim, how's your sex life ?" Bill asked, hoping to make Jim acknowledge a change in what he was experiencing. There was a long pause, long enough that Greg got up on his knees and looked over the side of the bed to see if Jim had gone to sleep.
"I think I'm in love." Jim finally answered. Both Greg's and Tom's heads quickly popped up over the side of the bed.
"Who are you in love with ?" Greg asked.
"Not your turn." Bill said quickly. "Jim gets the next question."
"Maybe I'm not in love," Jim continued, :"maybe I'm just in lust. Either way, my sex life is terrific. And don't bother asking who, `cause I'm not saying."
"Tom, how's your sex life." Jim passed the question on.
"Lots less now than before," Tom responded almost immediately, "but the quality has improved a whole lot." He got a big grin on his face. So did Greg.
"Greg, how's your sex life ?" Tom passed the question further down the line.
"I never had any before," Greg stated, not feeling shy with any of the boys there, "so anything and everything is great. I'm just learning about everything."
"You have a good teacher, Greg." Bill assured him. "Stick with him and you'll learn everything you need to know." Tom's eyes met Bill's and Tom gave him a little smile of appreciation. Tom had shared everything with Bill after the New Year, so Bill understood the depth of Tom's experiences.
"I'm horny." Jim announced. "You guys want to jerk off ?"
"I thought I made it clear there wasn't going to be any sex tonight." Bill said, giving Jim a stern look.
"I know," Jim responded, "but if I go in the bathroom and jerk off, then you guys are going to know what I'm doing and you're going to get all horny, then each one of you is going to have to go and jerk off and it just seems easier if we do it here and get it all done at the same time. It's more fun too. Besides, I don't think I can stand these pajamas much longer. You know I sleep in my jocks or nothing." Bill looked at the expectant faces of the younger two and realized they were hoping for closer physical contact with him and Jim.
"Jim, your reasoning is the worst I ever heard, but I want all of you guys to be comfortable." Bill said. "House rule applies here. Only what two or more are willing to do. No one has to do anything if they don't want, other than that do as you want." All four of them sat on the bed not sure who was going to make the first move.
"Well, I'm with Jim." Tom announced. "The pajamas have to go." In a matter of seconds, Tom's pajamas were a pile on the floor, very soon covered by Jim's. The other two boys added theirs with little hesitation.
Somehow the shedding of their pajamas decreased what little inhibition any of them had felt. They spent a good hour discussing their bodies, their experiences and their feelings about sex and relationships. Tom and Jim made it clear they felt themselves to be gay, while Bill and Greg expressed their uncertainty about where they fit and decided until they had tried out everything, they were going to remain uncommitted.
At some point the group members began making physical contact with each other, a stroke on the shoulder or arm, a poke in the side, or legs touching and rubbing together. Eventually these touches became sensual stroking, each giving the others pleasure. The two more experienced boys paired with one of the less experienced, but they ended up pairing differently than normally. Tom had his first truly intimate time with Bill, while Jim paired with Greg.
Tom was determined to pleasure Bill to the best of his ability. He felt a need to imprint his touch on the older boy's mind, feeling there would always exist a sense of belonging to each other, a sense he felt a real need to possess. This was in fact unnecessary as Bill already had an intimate desire for Tom which he had buried deep within him which would forever tie him to his first brother. They lay facing each other. Tom lightly stroked Bill's shoulder and chest.
"I'm a little surprised after everything you were put through," Bill quietly suggested to Tom, "you would want anyone to touch you ever again."
"I didn't know what to think at first." Tom replied. They both knew the other two were listening carefully. "When I first arrived, Pop sent me to Dex for massage, to help where I was sore and had been hurt. It was with Dex I first accepted I could be touched with gentle care and not be hurt or used. Later when Pop and I talked about everything, we discussed the differences in touching and by that time I had learned the massages could give me a lot of pleasure while I felt safe and protected. For me, Dex's hands and touch are caring and love and I know they would never harm or hurt me. Because of that I can accept and enjoy your touch, knowing it comes also from caring and love." Bill slowly reached out and lightly returned Tom's gentle strokes.
"I learned something like that with Billy touching me." Jim commented. "It was the first time I noticed someone wanted me to feel pleasure instead of just getting their own jollies from what we were doing."
"Do you think Pop and Dex know we play around like this ?" Greg asked. "I'm always a little scared about what would happen if I got caught. At home, my Dad would have beaten Brian and me if he even thought we were acting queer.
"That's just a label." Bill said. "Cliff told me that. Isn't it shitty two guys can't express any caring or tenderness toward each other without being labeled."
"I think Pop and Dex know exactly what we do with each other." Tom responded. "I think they expect us to help each other, whether it's Jim, learning the difference about touching, or Greg, experiencing his first blow job. They don't care if we're gay or straight, they want us to be brothers, sharing with each other."
The gentle touching and stroking each pair had been sharing had brought all of the boys to a heightened sexual state. Each was sporting a fully extended erection and they were all now involved in genital stimulation, pulling, caressing and stroking cocks, balls and ass cheeks. With all four bodies occupying the same double bed, the pairs were in no way isolated and Tom's and Jim's backs frequently brushed against each other, providing a connection between all of them.
With no actual discussion, it seemed to be a group consensus a pair of 69s would complete this night's activities. Greg was inexperienced in this activity, but Jim showed great patience and gentleness in demonstrating the basics to his younger charge and coaching him through his initiation. The moans and groans of those around him fired Greg to extra efforts and it was not long before all four had delivered notable loads which each partner found savory and fulfilling. Greg had steeled himself to receive Jim's discharge, but found it a far more pleasurable and sweet tasting event than he had anticipated.
Half an hour later they were all cuddled together like a litter of pups, sharing warmth and comfort with one another and sound asleep. None were aware of David and Dex checking on them in the early hours of the morning and pulling the sheets and blankets over them so they would not chill through the night.
"Do you detect the traces of a familiar odour in the air ?" Dex queried with raised eyebrows and a big smirk on his lips.
"Ah, yes." David replied. "The scent of young manhood abloom. I think our family has joined together and discovered each other as brothers and friends. They have all come a long way in a very short time."
"Thanks to you." Dex commented to him candidly.
"Don't underplay your part, my love." David responded, wrapping Dex in a secure hug. "You and all our adopted family have worked hard at helping these boys find themselves and everyone deserves part of the credit."
"It wouldn't have happened without you at the helm, steering the ship." Dex stated sincerely. "If you hadn't been concerned and cared about Tom in the first place, none of this would have happened and these boys all would be in much turmoil and distress. I thank you for them as well as myself." Dex gave David a long, lingering kiss as he rubbed up tightly against him. He then smiled, wiggled his eyebrows and went to bed. David followed him quickly.
**************************************************** Please note: Additional stories by LJB can be located in the NIFTY\Authors\Prolific Writers Listing