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Pornlandia, Chapter 3 By ThePhallocrat - thephallocrat@gmail.com
"What was your favorite part?"
Andrew and I were cuddling on the couch. I idly played with his low-hanging balls and occasionally brushed down to explore his ass crack. He seemed quite relaxed and even sleepy in a happy and content kind of way, eyelids heavy. I couldn't get over how handsome he was, and it would never not feel thrilling to be able to run my hands anywhere over his body that I wanted.
"Obviously when I blew my load in you," he replied with a smile. "But Johnny asking if he could join us in the next round was a highlight."
"I loved when you told him hell no. That was my favorite part. Or maybe it was when you punched him."
Andrew laughed. "In the real world none of that would have worked. And he'd be calling the cops right now. But he's already sent me three apology texts."
"I still can't get over how crazy this is. Are we stuck in porn for forever? Do I care? Like do we even bother going to work tomorrow, what does it matter?" I was just spitballing thoughts that came to my head. God, his ass was so nice to touch.
Andrew laughed then sat up. I'd just started to play with his hole a little bit so I was a tad disappointed. But he yawned and stretched, and I realized we would have to sleep sometime. Even in porn. "Naw, we should go to work tomorrow," he said.
I was a little surprised. He'd been very eager all day to spend every minute possible inside each other. "Why do you say that?"
He flashed his famous grin at me. "So we can spend all day looking forward to fucking again."
"That," I said seriously, "is the best possible justification you could have given."
"Also, it will give us a chance to do some research. We can see if more people are affected than just us. But I have a feeling it's just us. Seems to be focused on you, for now. It's your fantasies coming to life."
I nodded at that, thoughtful. "Sorry to pull you into all this, in that case."
"Don't even, dude," he punched my shoulder, "Fantasy or not, porn or not, I've needed some good hard sex more than I knew. I don't regret a thing."
Not yet, anyway, I thought to myself. But I shrugged off the fear. We said our good-nights and headed over to our respective bedrooms. As I was drifting off to sleep, I reflected on the fact that Andrew hadn't offered to sleep in my bed with me. Probably, I thought, because the porn knew that I didn't want a boyfriend right now. I wanted a best friend who loved fucking me. I wanted fun without feelings. I wanted porn. And fuck it, I didn't care whether that was good or bad, I was just gonna enjoy it while it lasted. I deserved this much, after everything. I don't want to talk about it. But the previous few weeks had been some of the lowest of my life. None of that mattered now, and for the first time in ages I drifted to sleep with a big smile on my face.
By the time I woke up, Andrew had left for work. I was sad to have missed his departure but his job starts bright and early. He works in sales of some kind, I never understood what exactly, and he usually dressed up semi-formally for work. He looks amazing in a suit jacket. Just the thought of it made me horny again, and then I realized that my only hope of getting anything done rather than just jerking off all day was to go into the office. I was allowed to work from home, but the office wasn't that far away for days when I felt like being more productive and I usually went in a few times a week. So I actually had to get ready to go out, take a shower, and be presentable.
I was just getting out of the shower when there was a knock at the door. I froze in the hallway, just in a towel, and considered my options. Normally I'd scurry back to my room and get dressed in a panic before daring to answer the door, but yesterday had left me with a pretty big confidence boost. Fuck it, I'm inside the porn. Of course I'm gonna answer the door mostly nude. So I went and threw open the door without a trace of shame, holding onto my towel rather loosely. It was so liberating!
It was my neighbor from next door. The hot one. Ginger, perfectly smooth skin, incredible cheekbones, preppy as fuck. Nice, lean body. Tall. Legs for days. Not as muscular as Andrew but just as effortlessly gorgeous. The difference between them was neighbor guy acted a bit more like he knew full well how hot he was. And yet he'd always been nice to me in our brief interactions, even though I'm sure I obviously stared at him salivating like a hungry dog. My mind was already racing -- what was Pornlandia up to now? First Andrew, now my hot neighbor crush? I half-expected him to open his mouth and confess his undying lust and ask to fuck me right then in there, but instead what he said was:
"Heyyyy, sorry to disturb you." He had such a nice voice, smooth and deep. He sounded like he could be on the radio. "My girlfriend and I are expecting a package today, and we just noticed the mailing address has your apartment number instead of ours, somehow. I called to correct it, but it might show up here. Can you keep an eye out?"
For half a second I considered dropping my towel and saying, "I got yer package right here!" but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My confidence may have been boosted, but it wasn't into those dizzying heights just yet. The thought did make me giggle though, and he raised an eyebrow at that. I turned my giggle into a cough like I was clearing my throat, and then said, "Yeah. Uhh sure. I'm going into the office but I'll keep an eye out when I get back."
"Thanks," he said. Then, I swear to God, he slowly eyed me up and down, looking at my whole body, his mouth twitching into a smirk. "Have a good weekend?" he asked, innocently.
"Oh. Yeah! Yeah, it was nice." I was absolutely befuddled by that scanning gaze, so I just mumbled a meaningless platitude. Nice? I couldn't come up with better conversation for this hot guy?
"Yeah, sounded like it," he said, with a broad smile, then quickly turned away with a "Happy Monday!" and left me standing in the doorway in shock. He was long gone, into his own apartment, before I even thought to breathe. I was thinking about how my bedroom shared a wall with theirs.
On the bus to work, I frantically texted Andrew.
I think the neighbors heard us fucking yesterday.
<< Hahaha what? << Well you were pretty loud.
I was loud? You were basically screaming.
<< Did they say something?
It was the guy, I feel bad, I can't remember his name! >> Do you remember it?
<< No clue. I don't think I ever met them really, just nodded at them in the hall.
He asked if I had a nice weekend and when I said yes he said `sounded like it'
<< lmao << that's HILARIOUS. << Guess that wall is kinda of thin, huh?
I should have known, I've heard them going at it before too.
<< astonished face emoji You have?? << Why didn't you ever tell me? << that's hot as hell, I'd have loved to jerk off listening to them.
I had no idea you've been such a perv this whole time!
<< I knew 100% that you were.
:angel-emoji: I don't know what you mean.
<< listen, his girlfriend is fire emoji. I'd have loved to listen in and not ashamed about it
He's a dreamboat himself! >> They are a sexy couple for sure. >> Hearing them got me turned on a little, I won't lie.
<< Really? I mean he's not ugly or anything but dreamboat?? << always seemed like one of those lacrosse douches to me
Noooo, he's always been super nice. You're just jealous because you wanna fuck his girl.
<< maybe I'm jealous because I want to be the dreamboat
You ARE >> My sore asshole can attest to that
<< lol
You're the dreamiest. Happy now? >> But trust me, neighbor guy is also very very hot
<< Well, shoot your shot, stud! << The way things are going lately you got a chance << And maybe he's bi those lacrosse guys often are
We don't even know if he plays lacrosse! You just made that up! >> And is that even true? About lacrosse guys? Is that a thing? >> How would you know?
<< I know a lot of things :smirking-emoji: << gotta go to a meeting << bye for now, slut!
I was laughing and shaking my head and blushing so much that the lady next me on the bus kept giving me funny looks. But I didn't care. I winked at her and loudly wished her a good morning.
And when I got into the office and my coworker and best office friend Franklin asked, "How was your weekend?,"I just gave him a long, knowing smile and then coyly walked away.
"Wait wait, what does THAT mean!" he said, scandalized. He scurried after me down the hall and into the break room, all the way to the coffee machine. "That's a look that means you have stories. You have STORIES, don't you."
"Maaaybe," I said, filling a mug with some coffee. "Let's just say it was a wonderful weekend." I grinned and even danced a little as I emptied a sugar packet into my cup.
"Girl, you better spill it, I gotta know now!" Franklin was the only other queer guy in my office. We had nothing much in common other than that, and he was quite a bit older than me, but we'd still bonded immediately over office gossip, inside jokes, and which male coworkers were hot. You know, the usual.
I laughed. "It's not really the sort of thing we should talk about in a professional setting," I said, doing a caricature of the monotone voice of the head of HR. She was a woman who seemed built in a lab for corporate culture.
He lowered his voice and stepped a little closer. "My god, he finally got LAID, didn't he. Praise gay Jesus!" He raised a hand in praise to the ceiling like he was in church. "Now you'll be much more pleasant to be around."
I cocked my head. "What does that mean?"
"The way you've been moping around here, when you bothered to come in at all, has been a huge buzz kill. I told myself, that boy needs some action soon or I'm gonna have to quit this job. I can't handle this negativity."
"Wow, thank you for your concern," I quipped back sarcastically.
"So who is the lucky guy? Where did you meet? Did you actually go OUT like I've been telling you to, or is this just a Grindr thing?"
I shook my head. Other coworkers were coming in for coffee and the room was getting crowded.
"I'll tell you later," I said, then added coyly, "Maybe."
"You know I'll get it out of you," he said ominously as I walked away giggling.
You need dumb things like this to get through the workday. You know? That day felt like it lasted forever too. I kept thinking about Andrew and what we would get up to that evening, had to exercise all my willpower not to text him every few minutes. Don't go all clingy. That's not sexy. And I'm living in Pornlandia now, I can't be doing things that aren't sexy. Instead, I thought of ginger neighbor guy, now that's very very sexy. I thought of him and Andrew sucking each other off while I watched. I thought of the three of us in a fuck train, me in the middle of course, and then I quickly went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. Keep it together! You can do this, the day is almost over. I checked my phone. Its only ONE O'CLOCK WHAT THE FUCK.
It was like that all day. Franklin kept sending me "SPILL THE TEA" gifs in our work DMs, which didn't help. I wasn't ready to try to explain my porn life to him though. I asked him if he'd seen anything weird in any way starting around saaaaay 4:00pm the day before, and that just confused him more. Seemed like the porn world was just something Andrew and I shared -- maybe Andrew was right and it was focused on my fantasies. I liked Franklin a lot as a friend, but I'd never fantasized about him. Not really my type.
What is your type? I heard a voice accuse me in my head. Emotionally unavailable straight guys? Since when? You really think that's going to make you happy? I squashed that voice right down. Remember how good the sex has been! That shut that little voice right up.
In the end, I made it no later than 3:30, at which point in an absolutely sweaty state of impatience I made an excuse that I was getting a migraine and excused myself from the office early. There was no way I was gonna get anything else done that day anyway. I figured I'd clean up and get my body ready for attention while I waited for Andrew it get home, but when I walked in the door,I found him on the couch still in his work clothes eating a granola bar and swiping through his phone. He looked up at me with a big smile and tossed the phone and the rest of the snack away carelessly. It was hot, the way suddenly nothing else mattered but me.
"Welcome home!" he said, grinning but not standing up, "You're back early."
"So are you."
"I couldn't take it anymore, work sucks compared to porn life."
"Same!"
"I thought about you all day, though."
"Oh?"
"As I planned, not being able to have you for that long made me want you even more." He was rubbing his crotch. "It was a great plan. I don't know if you know this, but I'm, like, really smart."
"You're a genius. You have all the best ideas."
He did a little gasp. "I'm having a moment of inspiration right now!"
"Oh yeah?"
"It suddenly occurs to me that you are not sucking my dick. Had you noticed that?"
"Oh wow, I guess you're right, I am not!"
"That seems wrong, doesn't it?"
"Very wrong. It's a terrible situation."
"What are we gonna do? Surely we can come up with some kind of solution."
I crossed to the couch and knelt down between his legs. I began fiddling with the crotch of his trousers, undoing the fly. "Hmmm, I think we should be able to fix this problem," I said, "let me brainstorm for a bit, and I should get you some options by... let's say end of day?"
His fly came down, and I pulled on the waistband impatiently. He helped out by lifting up his butt just enough for me to pull his pants and underwear down to just above his knees, revealing a throbbing erection.
"Hmmm, I don't know if end of day is gonna work for me," he said, "I think we need a more urgent response to this issue. Management would really appreciate it if you made this your top priority."
I kept pulling his pants/underwear down, then off entirely, so he could spread his legs. Then I slowly moved my head along his thighs, kissing and inhaling deeply, enjoying his scent. "Well, let's see," I said, between kisses, "what I can come up with, " more kisses, quite close to his junk now, "on such short notice." Then I kissed his nutsack, then I licked it. He gasped and then sighed. Then I licked up the sack and all the way up the shaft to his tip.
It suddenly occurred to me that in all the craziness of our fucking the day before, I'd never given him head. He'd sucked me, we'd fucked each other, but I'd not yet been able to fully focus on and worship his dick. That was one of the first fantasies I ever had formed involving Andrew, back in college when we were becoming friends. He had been so nice to me and made me so comfortable around him that all I'd wanted to do back then was let him lay back while I thanked him with some oral loving. Now was finally my chance, and I was not going to waste it.
I looked up at him. "So you've only gotten a blow job from women before, right?" I asked, batting my eyes innocently.
"Yeah...? I mean, of course."
"Well, then," I said, smugly, "This should be interesting. Hold on to something."
He looked confused, but that look changed as I took him into my mouth. He gasped. He groaned. He said, "Holy shit!" under his breath. His hand reached out to the couch arm, squeezing it tight. His hips writhed.
"GOD," he breathed, "That's incredible."
I took a break, looking up at him again. "Good?"
"Best head I've ever had," he said, grabbing me by the chin, "You're so fucking good at this."
"I tried to warn you," I said, then I went back to it. Now, I feel pretty good at my oral skills, especially compared to the average woman -- I don't blame them, they don't have the natural instinct to know what feels good like another man does -- but the intensity of his reaction made me sure that the porn was coming to life and infecting our union again. I seemed to be able to sense it every time he was close. It felt like an extra tingling in his skin, a sudden tightening in his ballsack. Whenever that happened, I eased off, teasing gently with my tongue but guiding him away from passing the point of no return. In this way, I was able to keep him on the edge of bliss for a long time with more skill than I'd ever demonstrated before. He was swearing up a storm this whole time, rubbing his hands through my hair, whispering praise, whimpering.
I'm not going to lie to you, I kept that up for a long, long time. It was intoxicating to have that much control over his pleasure. I even batted away his hand a few times when he tried to take over and jerk himself, desperate for release. Frankly, I wasn't gonna stop until I got a specific kind of reaction out of him, and after what felt like ages and ages of edging him, I finally got it. "Fuck, dude, please let me cum," he whispered, pleading, "God, you are TORTURING me. PLEASE let me shoot, man."
I pulled off him entirely then to give him a wicked grin. "Maaaaaybe, but... I think you should beg a little more first."
"FUCK, you monster," he growled, "You sadistic fuck. PLEASE."
"Hmmmmm," I said, dramatically, like I was considering his fate.
But just then there was a knock on the door. Andrew's face turned from one of pleading to one of panic.
"Fuck not now!" he said, slamming a fist into the couch in frustration.
I saw an opportunity to further his torment and I took it. "Oh sorry one moment I better get that," I said, winking at him.
"Fuck you!" he growled, but he was laughing. "Uggggggh hurry. I'm so clooooose. I don't even dare touch myself."
"You better not!" I said.
"Of course not, I want you to suck me to completion. You started this, you have to finish it."
"I'll just be one second," I said, but then I made an elaborate show of walking very slowly to the door.
"HURRY, YOU ASSHOLE."
Snickering, I rounded the corner and opened the door. Fortunately, you couldn't see into the living room from the door, so I didn't have to worry about whoever it was seeing Andrew and his poor quivering junk.
It was sexy ginger neighbor and his girlfriend.
"Oh, hi!" I said, with what I'm sure was a very "surprised pikachu" face.
"Hello!," said the girlfriend, grinning at me. I am not attracted to women at all, but I had to admit she was pretty. I get why Andrew was into her. What's more, she had a big smile on and a cool fun vibe. I could tell right away I'd get along with her. Which is good, I hate when the hot guy has a shitty girlfriend.
I only had eyes for ginger guy though. "Hey," he said, and there was that same funny knowing smirk from earlier in the day. "Have you seen my package?"
Now why had he phrased it like THAT? The girlfriend's grin got wider. Was this intentional? Was this some kind of game? I decided to play along.
"Uh... not yet. But hopefully soon?" Well, I could play the double entendre game too. Their smiles suggested they liked that response.
From the living room, Andrew growled loudly in impatience. It sounded very masculine, very bestial, and very sexual. The girlfriend's mouth dropped open in scandalized delight. "Did you forget to feed your dog?" she asked, in the same "oh so innocent" tone her boyfriend had been using. Hot ginger guy actually laughed at that. He had a lovely laugh.
"...yup, exactly, he's a hungry boy," I heard myself saying. "Big appetite."
"You should give him what he needs," Ginger Guy said, "If he's been a good boy, that is."
"He... has," I said, a bit in a daze but grinning ear to ear, "He definitely has."
"Glad to hear it," the girlfriend said. "I love a well-behaved boy. Take good care of him for me."
"Let us know if UPS comes by," said the guy again, and they waved and left. Girlfriend winked at me as she went.
I stood at the door for a bit processing all that. They were definitely flirting. Right?
"COME ON, MAN," I heard Andrew growl, then I laughed, slammed the door shut, and practically ran back to the couch and dived onto his dick. I'm lucky I didn't hurt my throat in that pounce, to be honest. Soon I had him grunting and moaning again as I worked his cock with my mouth and tongue in precise determination. No more torture, no more edging, I wanted to:
Suck. Him. Dry.
"Oh god here it comes," he mumbled, "Oh fuck, oh FUCK, OH FUCK" and with that he exploded. I felt the first shot hit the back of my throat, and I struggled to swallow it all as he sent out blast after blast. There was so much! I almost jizzed in my pants just remembering he'd shot several big loads like this into my ass in the last 24 hours. It was far too magical for reality. I kept working his shaft, milking more and more out as he gasped for breath. Suddenly he started laughing.
"FUCKING HELL," he said, howling with laughter and release, "That was so fucking good."
I finally let his dick go, swallowed the last of his seed, and smiled up at him. "I have wanted to do that for a very long time."
"It sure as shit felt like it. If I'd known you were so good at it... You swallowed every drop! Fuuuuuck that's so hot."
"Damn right I did. Who wouldn't?"
"Basically every girl I've been with that's who."
"Tragic! Speaking of girls, you sorta have hot neighbor chick to thank for that orgasm."
"What?"
"She said I should take good care of you if you'd been a good boy. And I told her you had."
"Wait what??"
I relayed the whole story of what had happened at the door. Andrew listened intently, clearly aroused even though his dick was softening.
"They are definitely kinky," he said, agreeing with my interpretation of events. "I've met those kind of couples before. They are freaks, I can tell. I like them already."
"Maye we should invite them over for drinks some time?" I could picture it now, Andrew getting his chance at kinky hot girl while Ginger Guy showed me a good time; assuming, of course, his up-and-down look at me earlier that day suggested what I hoped it did, that he was open to dudes too. I would have said just days before that such a fantasy would only be possible in porn but now, well... exactly!
He grew quiet to consider the idea. His dick twitched at the thought, and I was gonna tease him about it but at that moment, we heard a strange noise. A rhythmic banging from next door. Then what might have been a moan. We exchanged wide-eyed looks, then in silent agreement we crept carefully to my bedroom. The sounds were louder in there. Their bed was thump-thump-thumping against the wall. We heard her moan. We heard him grunt. They weren't just having sex over there, they were rutting like animals. And much louder than when I'd heard them before. It was almost like they wanted to be heard this time.
Andrew and I looked at each other, both now rock-hard once more. I couldn't help but notice my computer was glowing again.
"I think the porn is starting to expand beyond just us," I said, in awe of the whole thing. "Now the neighbors are being pulled into it too."
"Well you've been fantasizing about them, haven't you?" He had a wild and wicked look in his eyes, listening intently. "Get on the bed," he said at last.
"What?"
"You heard me. They are putting on a show for us. Let's return the favor."
I swallowed hard, looked at the wall where the noises were coming from, then back to my best friend.
"Fuck. Yes." I said.