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Pornlandia, Chapter 5 By ThePhallocrat - thephallocrat@gmail.com
So did we fuck the UPS guy? I mean, what do you think? Of fuckin course we did.
Andrew had not been joking, the delivery guy was thick af. He was both a bit chubby, with a sexy belly, and at the same time muscular, especially in the shoulders. He barely fit into that uniform. He was probably in his late 30s, had beautiful smooth bronze skin, full lips, and a truly impressive dump truck ass. Not 5 minutes had passed before Braden had opened the door and signed for the package, and we were pulling down his brown shorts and revealing that beautiful brown ass and marveling over it. Turned out (naturally) that the UPS guy was only wearing a jockstrap underneath his uniform, and the jock framed his big butt nicely.
"Damn, uhhh sir, you are gorgeous," I said to him, staring in awe at that pillowy backside. Because of course he was. He was the mythical hot UPS guy, and I was pretty sure he didn't even actually exist. Andrew had talked like he'd seen this delivery guy a bunch of times, but I knew that wasn't true. No matter what Andrew claimed he remembered, I was sure we'd never had a UPS delivery before while living in this apartment. Was the escaped energy of Pornlandia making up whole people now?
While Braden and I were staring at his ass and beginning to play with his hairy hole, UPS guy was eagerly taking Andrew's dick into his mouth. He broke off just long enough to look at us all with wide-eyed excitement and say, "Wait until my husband hears about this shit," laugh, then resume his sucking. Andrew moaned and moaned, which I took to mean UPS dude was highly proficient in what he was doing.
"What a juicy ass," I said to Braden, who was staring open mouthed at the hole and the big booty. I smacked the ass cheeks a few times and watched with pleasure as it jiggled invitingly.
"No kiddin," he mumbled, jerking himself quickly, "almost makes me wish I could fuck him."
UPS guy stopped blowing Andrew and looked over at my ginger neighbor, eyeing him up and down appreciatively, then said, "You can if you want, sexy! I'm down."
"Naw, he can't," I explained, "He promised his girlfriend his dick is only for her."
The scandalized look of delighted shock on the UPS guy's face was a joy to behold, from one gay man to another. "His GIRLfriend? Say what? I saw the cum leaking out of his ass."
"Yeah that was mine," I said proudly, "I'm his first top. Girlfriend gave me special permission."
I saw him reassess me carefully. He must already have clocked me as the gay boy in the room, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out, but now he was reassessing me as a top. "You must fuck good," he raised an eyebrow at me.
"He does!" Andrew and Braden answered in unison.
I blushed and shrugged, modestly trying to play it off. "Well, two straight guys think so anyway!"
"Hey, I'm bi," Braden pointed out, but I could tell it still felt new and exciting for him to say that out loud.
"And I'm..." Andrew said, before words failed him. He laughed and shook his head. "I'm Andrew." That said it all really. He was, in fact, very Andrew.
"The point is neither of you have been fucked by anybody but me," I said, which was a true statement but sounded absolutely wild to me when said out loud like that. "So you have nothing to compare me to."
"Well I sure as shit am not straight," UPS guy said, shaking that big booty at me, "And I have been fucked by a lot of guys before."
"With an ass like that I believe it," I said. It was rather hypnotizing really.
"So let me be the judge." He reached back and spread his cheeks for me, sweetening the offer. Despite claiming to be a total slut, his hole looked tight and inviting.
Andrew and Braden seemed very enthusiastic about this idea, as did my dick, which jumped and started leaking. I nearly lept forward and shoved it in him right there, I mean he was already on all fours looking back at me and seemed perfectly ready, but he held up a hand to stop me and flipped over onto his back first. He raised his legs above his head and grabbed his ankles, spreading them wide. I was impressed with his flexibility, given how big of a man he was. And he was clearly very experienced in gay sex in way neither Andrew or Braden were, it was in the confidence of every movement and the knowing look of hunger on his face. His jock barely kept what appeared to be a pretty impressively big erection constrained.
"Mount me, boy," he commanded, and I loved that. He wasn't THAT much older than me, but it felt like a gay elder ordering me to show him everything I'd learned for his evaluation, like a butt sex final exam.
"Yes, sir!" I said, and all but threw myself on top of him. My dick, which should have already been sore from the pounding I'd given Braden earlier, throbbed like I hadn't cum in weeks. That was the power of the porn, right there. Endless stamina, endless horniness, no second thoughts, no regrets... it was intoxicating. Overwhelming. A little terrifying, to be perfectly honest with you, if I stopped to think about it. Which I tried very hard not to do. But as I slid into his hole (so wet and welcoming, his thick butt cheeks so soft and receptive) I couldn't help but wonder with that analytical part of my brain, like I often do -- is this guy even real? Is any of this real? He sure as shit felt real gripping his chute around my penis.
"Are you gonna fuck me or what?" UPS guy said, but he was smiling. I'd just been enjoying the sensation of being in him while my mind had been racing. "I am still on the clock, technically, I can't be here all evening."
"Fuck his brains out," Andrew whooped.
And so I did. I went into beast mode, cheered on by my roommate and my neighbor. UPS guy was looking at me in the eyes, squinting like he was evaluating my every motion. "Come on you can do better than that," he teased, "I ain't no blushing straight boy virgin, really fuck me hard." I redoubled my efforts.
"Holy shit!" Braden gasped, watching me jackhammer in and out, "Nat is not going to believe any of this."
He and Andrew were just mindlessly observing, transfixed, jerking themselves. Suddenly that felt insufficient for me.
"Andrew you haven't fucked our neighbor yet," I pointed out, "Don't be rude, he's our guest."
Braden blushed and stared with obvious lust at my roommate's big dick. Andrew laughed and said, "I'm so sorry, Braden, how thoughtless of me. May I offer you some dick?" He put his hands under his unit like he was offering it on a platter, and all of us laughed, even UPS guy who was grunting now under my onslaught and seemed to take sex a lot more seriously than we did.
Braden just shyly nodded. I couldn't wait to see this. "Come fuck him right next to us," I said, patting the ground. Andrew picked up what I was putting down and guided Braden into the same position as the UPS guy, their heads near each other, and started railing our ginger neighbor in the same position. Andrew and I spent a lot of time looking at each other and watching each other pound our respective bottoms. The contrast was delicious: UPS guy, dark-skinned, thick, confident, almost aggressive in demanding anal pleasure, right next to Braden, pale, skinny, shy, squeaking and squealing under entirely new sensations, learning to be a bottom bitch right before our eyes.
Then there was the thrill of being a fellow top with my best bud. The porn was definitely indulging that fantasy angle too. I loved fucking him, and being fucked by him, but now we got to both be the pounding hammer in perfect sync and rhythm together, and I loved it. It was almost like we were engaging in a friendly competition on who could rock their bottom's world the most. Of the two, Braden's world definitely seemed the most rocked, but UPS guy was clenching down on me hard and breathing heavily through his nose, snorting with a very sexy masculine hunger and occasionally playing with his nipples, when he wasn't busy bracing his legs, so who could say really who was more in bliss.
I suddenly wanted to blow my load in the UPS guy so badly. I felt like I was going to die if I didn't. "I have a special delivery for you to sign for," I joked awkwardly. It just came out. UPS guy rolled his eyes but Andrew laughed. "Seriously, can I cum inside you?" I gasped.
"You better not fucking cum anywhere else," he said savagely, looking absolutely starved for it.
"Oh fuck... oh fuck, I'm gonna shoot now," I chanted.
"Uggggggggh," is all Braden managed to say as his cum shot everywhere across his chest. He seemed surprised, like he hadn't realized he was already at the threshold before it was happening.
"Oh god, me too," Andrew breathed.
I was starting my orgasm, rope after rope of my load blasting into that big butt, when I remembered Nat's rules. "On his face, on his face!" I managed to shout out, warning Andrew.
And just in time too. "Oh fuck!" he said, remembering, and just barely managed to pull out in time and lean forward to aim at Braden's shocked face. Three, four, then FIVE streams shot all over Braden's chin, lips, cheeks, and even hair. He looked absolutely stunned.
I was still breeding UPS guy, filling him up good. He had grabbed my hips and was grunting savagely, like my cum was fulfilling some extremely urgent need for him. When he was certain I'd shot every drop into him, he smoothly reached over and scooped some of Braden's jizz off the ginger's chest and then pushed aside the jockstrap to reveal his own dick (big, uncut, beautiful), using the cum as lube to work himself furiously. After about ten strokes was shooting his own load across his sexy belly while grunting like a pig in heat.
I looked up from that sight in time to see Andrew snapping a pic of Braden's cum-drenced face for Natalie using Braden's phone. Then he took a selfie of himself making a peace sign and smirking, clearly very proud of his handiwork. Braden laughed. I could only imagine how Nat would react to these pictures, but given what I knew of her so far, she was gonna love them.
Gasping for breath, I slowly slid out of the UPS guy's ass. He was still shivering in pleasure, eyes closed, wheezing for breath too, but he did lower his legs to the floor. I watched, dizzy, as some of my cum dribbled out of him and onto the floor as well.
"So how was he?" Andrew asked.
UPS guy opened his eyes and shrugged coyly, grinning a little bit. "Not bad," he said, trying to play it cool, but I could see his hole was still quivering, "Not bad at all. But you should come watch me and my hubby fuck some time," he said to me with wink, "You'll really learn a thing or two."
"I have no doubt," I said, grinning. That would be hot as fuck, and I already found myself wondering what the husband looked like.
We all sat in that silence for a moment, catching our breaths, each of us a bit shocked at what had just happened. At last Braden broke the quiet.
"Um, guys," he said, "Where can I... uhh... wash off?"
His face was still absolutely plastered with jizz. He could barely move without it dripping everywhere. We all started laughing again. ________________
An hour later, Andrew and I were cuddling on the couch after bidding goodbye to our guests and showering. Before leaving, UPS guy and I exchanged numbers (he has a phone number... maybe he IS real?) so we could arrange a private lesson with me and him and his husband, and Braden and Andrew had done the same so that the two of them and Nat could get together some time soon. Now we just cuddled on the couch, enjoying the afterglow of some truly wild sex.
"What a week, huh?" Andrew said at last.
"Dude," I said, sitting up from where I'd been cradling my head on his chest, "What the HELL is going on?"
"Don't ask me," my straight best friend said, scratching his nuts casually, "These are your fantasies, not mine."
"But how is this possible?"
"Some things maybe it's best not to question."
I shook my head and playfully punched him. "Do you ever question anything though? You're Mr. Go With The Flow."
"Are you calling me stupid?"
"No," I said defensively. "Just..."
"Simple? A himbo?" His tone sounded a little sharp, but that was undercut by the fact he was naked and still idly scratching my back.
"You don't overthink things like I do," I explained quickly, "To me, it feels like a superpower and I don't know how you do it."
"I don't know how I do it either," he said, then added with a laugh, "I guess I don't think about it."
"Exactly. Like, this has been wild, but how long can this sex marathon go on before it gets weird?"
"Dude," he laughed, grabbing me and pulling my head down under his arm into a light headlock, "It has only been a few days, maybe let's just enjoy ourselves for a bit before we freak out. I haven't had so many mind-melting orgasms in all my life, I'm happy to just ride this out for a LITTLE longer."
"But that's my point, it's so good we'll always want more. What if we never want to stop?"
"Naw, I'm sure we will. Eventually. Everything gets old eventually. Even porn."
He was probably right. And it really only had been a few days. "I guess we've gone through some shit, both of us," I said softly, touching him tenderly, "It's weird to let good things happen. But we deserve it."
"We do!" He said, smiling, then impulsively kissed me hard. "You wanna fuck again before bed? I didn't shoot in anybody's butt tonight and I'm not happy about it."
"Well, all I can offer you is my butt," I smirked.
"My favorite one," he replied, and my heart flipped around a bit.
What WAS Andrew? My best friend? A brother? My boyfriend-stand-in? Was it romantic or not? The porn seemed confused. No, that's not fair. I was confused. The porn was just reflecting that.
I straddled him reverse cowgirl style and shook my ass at him. "Your personal fleshlight is ready, good sir."
"Fuck, that's hot," he snickered, and we fucked again. I let him guide my hips up and down like I was in fact his sex toy, and I watched his toes curl up when he shot his load in me.
And I slept like a baby that night yet again. _______________
The rest of the week is kind of a blur, honestly. The next day was Wednesday, and Andrew and I must have fucked at least 3 more times. I think one time we came while 69ing actually. Then Thursday rolled around and we both just called in sick to work and fucked all day. And I'm pretty sure that was the day we took a break from fucking to just put our dicks together and jerk them off until our cum mixed together. I was braced for the porn to add more people into our sex world like it had done with Johnny and Braden and the UPS guy, but that didn't happen on those days anyway. Well, sex with Andrew was so good I wasn't complaining.
But it was late Thursday afternoon that things took a seriously weird turn. We'd been fucking again (obviously) when Andrew's phone rang. He was literally inside me when he looked at it and decided to answer, the cheeky shit. He winked at me as he said, "Hello?"
But at some point during the conversation things got serious and he pulled out and began pacing the room. "Wait, that's tomorrow?" he said into the phone, "No, I did put it on my calendar but I thought it was next month. Ok. Ok. Right, I get it. Yes, of course, it's cool. Naw, I mean I'll be at work, but my roommate is usually here. Hold up--" he looked at me, "--you going into the office tomorrow?"
"I mean, no, I usually don't on Fridays," I said, brow wrinkled in confusion.
"Yeah he'll be here. What time you think you'll be here? Ok. I should be home not too long after that. Ok. And then you'll head back Saturday? .... No, I mean as long as you want. If Sunday is better... yeah, yeah, it's fine. Either way. Ok, for sure, see you guys tomorrow. Love you, dad." And he hung up and sighed.
I was floored. "Your dad??" I feel like I'd almost never seen Andrew on the phone with his parents in the whole time I knew him.
"Yeah," he groaned, then flopped onto the couch. He was still semi-hard, but his mood had definitely changed. "I'm so sorry about this. I really thought it was next month, and I was gonna tell you about it... Wow, bad timing. No sex for us for a few days, I'm afraid."
I shook my head, trying to follow. "What is happening?"
"I told my dad ages ago that he and Cody could crash here a night or two," he said with a sigh, "Cody's doing some college tour near here tomorrow and they don't wanna drive back same day, it's too much. That's cool right? I'm sorry for the hassle."
"Andrew," I said, still confused.
"I'll let my dad crash on my bed and then Cody can have the couch. I'll just do a sleeping bag on the floor or something. But I'm sorry for the short notice."
"Andrew!" I said. I was growing pretty scared. "Who the fuck is Cody?"
He blinked in shock, cocked his head to the side. "Cody," he laughed nervously, "My little brother? Duh?"
My stomach was turning into knots. My dick was soft and tiny now, and I stood and warily put a little distance between me and my roommate. "Andrew," I said, as calmly and rationally as I could, "You don't have a little brother. You're the youngest child. And only boy."
"Naw, what are you on about? My little brother Cody! I've talked to you about him all the time."
"I have literally never heard anything about him before. You don't have a brother, only older sisters. It's one of the first things we ever talked about."
"You're cracked. Cody is my bud, I adore the kid. Can't believe he's off to college already. He grew up way too fast."
I started pacing the room. Oh my god, this was really jumping the shark now. "Let me guess, he just turned 18," I babbled.
"Yeah, a few weeks ago, why?"
"Show me a picture of him," I demanded urgently.
"What?"
"If he's real, you must have a picture of him, right?"
"Of course I do! What do you mean, `if he's real' -- will you calm down, you're acting insane? Hold on," and he began scrolling through his phone. To my immense shock, since I thought for sure he'd be unable to find a picture, after only a few minutes, Andrew said, "Here we go" and handed me the phone.
It was a family picture that must have been taken recently, since Andrew looked basically the same as he does now. And his older sisters were there, looking very recognizable. I'd even met one of them once. His mom, too, looked the same as I remembered her from the few times she visited in college.
But there was another son in the picture, a miniature version of Andrew, looking not too unlike what Andrew had looked like when we'd first met in college, if a little skinnier and sweeter. He was absolutely fucking adorable, with big eyes and sticky-outy ears and Andrew's big golden retriever smile. Not muscular, but the beginnings of some definition. How can I describe the electric shock that went through me when I saw him in the picture? How can I describe how gorgeous he was? He was Hyacinth when Apollo loved him, Ganymede who stole the heart of Zeus. That I was employing classical references in my head to describe him says it all really. The archetypal bangable twink.
And then there was his dad. Holy shit...
"See," Andrew tapped the screen, "Cody."
"And this is your dad?"
He laughed awkwardly. "Dude you know it is."
"I have never seen this man before," I said desperately. Andrew's dad was a bookish, unassuming fellow who I had never once thought of as attractive. The man in the picture was an absolute dreamboat, muscular, hairy, amazing salt and pepper beard, all of Andrew's attractive qualities magnified into the ideal daddy archetype. The sexy daddy and the absolutely heart-meltingly beautiful twink little brother. My god, the porn was out of control!
Andrew seemed to finally understand how serious I was. He looked at the picture thoughtfully. "Huh," he said, sounding a little dazed, "I do have a little brother. Right?"
"Not before today you didn't," I said, wringing my hands. "Maybe it's better if they don't stay here? I mean, what with everything that's been going on and the porn going crazy around here."
He shook his head. "Yeah, but this is my dad and my brother. What does porn have to do with that?"
I just stared at him, thinking oh, Andrew. Oh, you sweet summer child. You ARE a himbo sometimes, even if you don't wanna hear it. I didn't know what to say. But the silence said everything, eventually.
"Oh," he said finally, connecting the dots, "OH."
I kept staring at the picture. Damn, Cody was beautiful, a precious creature, innocent and pure looking. I wanted to hold him and protect him and kiss him gently on the neck. And Dad... damn, I wanted Dad to hold and protect me. And wanted to do all that and more with them both. I didn't want to feel these things, really, was even trying hard not to feel them, but I definitely felt them -- and I knew exactly where these thoughts were coming from.
"Dude," Andrew said, looking back and forth between me and the phone. He could see how transfixed I was. "Dude! Are you gonna fuck my little brother?"
I shrugged helplessly and closed my eyes. "Pornlandia," I whispered, scared, and horny, and a little bit in awe. "Pornlandia..."