Hope to keep the story going through December. Appreciate any comments. Thanks to those who have provided encouragement and critique. Rand
Mik_l@hotmail.com
October Chill - III
The smells of hay, after-shave and cologne burn my nose and my eyes. The words of hatred burn my ears and sear my soul. My knuckles are white as I clutch the hymnal in my hands. Brother Dave has declared war on the sins of America. His army surrounds me, shouting "Amen" and "Praise the Lord".
I feel the sweat trickle down my back, running in spurts. My legs tremble with desire or need to get up and run. These people hate me. Hate me because I am, not because of what I do or did, but just because I am. It scares me to the core. My eyes water but whether it is from the smells or the fear, I don't know. I'm sure if anyone notices me, they will think I'm a repentant sinner, crying out of shame.
Brother Dave says what is wrong with America is it has left the teachings of god. This is evident by women parading around in men's clothing - pants, shorts, anything other than a dress; children having no respect for the elders - something that pleased a lot of people; people reading Satan's version of the Bible (any translation other than the King James); and the proliferation of drugs, sex and perversions. Of course, the number one perversion is being gay. Gays will go to hell, no ifs or ands or buts. Go to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
I am not that religious, I'll admit to that. My family is Presbyterians. We attend church frequently but maybe not regularly. But we've talked about religions. Dad likes to talk about religions and philosophy, about logic and sound thinking. So, as I sit listening to Brother Dave, I hear little logic, little sound thinking, but a lot of agreeing from people on all sides. This is scary. These people believe him. Without giving any proof, without even making sense, these people listen and believe Brother Dave.
I started the day late. Brandon had already left when I got up. I had wanted then to go to the morning revival meeting, but my parents told me in no uncertain terms to get my chores done first. All my Saturday chores remained undone. So, I missed the morning sermon but had come to this, the Sunday evening sermon. It's not like any church service I've ever been to. And the people are not like the ones I sit with at our church.
We stand to sing the invitational, again, something new. We sing every verse, twice, then find another song to sing. After that song, the choir starts singing while we in the audience bow our heads so that the spirit could work. The spirit must be shy cause heads down and eyes shut seem to be best for it. The invitational is almost as long as the sermon. But both end and we are released. Freedom - I have never been so glad to leave a place.
I walk towards my bike with only the thought to get home when Jason yells, "Mark".
"Jason . well, see, I made it. Didn't realize it would run so late though."
"Yeah, revivals sometimes run a little longer. So, what did you think?"
"Honestly?" Jason smiles and nods. "Well, I don't think I fit in. Hell, I think they hate me! Jason do you believe all of that?" As soon as I say it, I feel stupid. "I'm sorry Jason, its just that well, I enjoyed the music and everything up to when Brother Dave started his talking. Jason, I don't believe him, we worship different gods I guess, because mine is nothing like yours. I mean the god that Brother Dave talked about."
"Sorry Jason, but you did ask and I'm not going to lie to you dude."
"No, it ok Mark. I just thought that maybe you would believe, you know. Become a part of us."
Jason is looking down and around, everywhere but at me. And me, I don't know what to say, I just want to get out and away from these people. "Jason, we're best of friends, you know that. I won't change that, but I don't know how you can stand being around these people. They hate us Jason."
"Mark, they're my people and they don't hate us. I told you, it is the sin that they hate. They love everyone."
"Ok, look, I'll see you tomorrow - ok?" A nod, "ok, and look dude, I'm sorry, I'm just kind of freaked, you know? Tomorrow ok?" Jason nods his head and I grab my bike and start riding.
There is a huge harvest moon hanging low in the sky. I pedal slowly wondering how a religion of love can turn so mean. How people who worship to be nearer to god can be so hateful and spiteful. I suppose it is easier if you hate and be spiteful with righteousness, with god being ok with you being judgmental. I feel so hurt and vulnerable. With a touch of fear, I start pumping quicker wanting to be home, be safe.
I'm standing in front of the history room when Jason bumps into me. "Hey dude, how's it going?" I've my smile flashing and am as upbeat as I possible can be.
"Going good; and with you?" Jason smiles and moves towards the door.
"Well, I could complain, but I doubt anyone would listen." I know it is an over-used line, but creative I'm not.
"You complain? Surely not dude." Jason is smiling, so why do I feel attacked.
"That's true, happy-go-lucky Mark. Never one to complain." Good thing we sit on different sides of the room. I'm not ready to play games, especially in front of a crowd.
Or is he playing a game. Maybe he is as nervous as I am.
I think about what to say to Jason, how to approach him, but Brandon's words haunt me - people are talking about you and Jason. How did my life ever get so fucked- up?
Class is over and Jason waits to leave the room with me. What do I say, how do I get started?
"Jason, you sign up to help on the Spook Walk? Ought to be fun, scaring kids and such. Natasha got me to sign up this morning. Going to lay out a trail in the park, ought to be sweet."
Jason, rather than enthused, looks down, his voice low. "Can't, not suppose to celebrate Halloween, that's worshipping the Devil."
"What? Not celebrate Halloween - you've got to be kidding. We're not sacrificing animals or anything, we're just raising money for the Winter Dance!"
"See you later." Jason moves away, head down, and I'm standing, annoyed and angry but I'm not sure about what or who.
I'm in my room working algebra when mother calls me to the phone. "Hello - this is Mark."
"Mark, Jason - look I'm sorry man -"
"No, Jason, it's me who should be sorry. And I am dude. I just.it's just that." I'm suddenly conscious that I'm in the kitchen where my mother is working on dinner. "Ah dude, I've got to finish algebra, can I call you back later tonight? Cool."
As I hang up the phone my mother says "It's `may I call you back' - can questions your ability to act or perform an action. May proclaims your ability to perform an action but seeks permission to do so."
"Oh, yes ma'am, I wasn't thinking."
"Go finish your algebra, dinner will be ready soon."
"Yes ma'am."
Things can't get any worse can they? A lecture on proper word usage means I've upset her about something. Suddenly I'm not hungry as I'm sure mother will have a talk with father and I'll get double helpings of parenting.
"Yes, good evening. May I speak with Jason please, this is Mark Wallace." That should satisfy mother if she is listening. "Hi, Jason, how's it going? "Yeah, hey, I'm sorry about how I was acting today dude. I was being stupid. "No, just I wasn't thinking dude. You believe what you believe, that's cool. I must've come across as a jerk. "No, I was, my parents confirmed it. "Yeah, we talked about it over dinner. "Yeah, will it was a strange weekend dude. "Yeah, I know. "Well Brandon - you know Brandon don't you? "Yeah, well he told me that people were talking dude. "About us. "Tell me about it. I mean I freaked. Scared Brandon. "Yeah. "That's why he made me go out with Natasha. "Yeah. "You ought to find a girl to go out with dude. "We could like double date or something. "Yeah, well think about it dude. You don't have to do anything. "You know what I mean. "Hell no, just saw a movie and then split a pizza with some others. "Yeah. "Why? "Dude it's not lying. It's just going out and having some fun. "Well think about it. "Ok, see you tomorrow."
I feel better, calmer. Feel like Jason is a friend again.
The clouds, wispy, flow across the sky. A half moon gives enough light to the night to see things, but not enough to see what they are. It must be in the 50's with a steady breeze. It's a perfect Halloween night. I am down in a wash waiting for the group to walk by. They pass me and are halfway to the bend when I turn on the red floodlight. As a group, they turn back towards me into the light. Suddenly there is a wailing at the bend. The wailing turns them back around just in time to have a skeleton pass over them trailing strands of threads. I cut the lights as they scream and hurry on down the pathway.
"Wicked dude."
"Shit - don't do that." I can't believe how much I'm shaking and Jason is almost bent over laughing.
"Sssh - quiet." I'm smiling now - but wonder if my jeans are wet. I motion for him to get down. "Don't be seen." The group ahead is reeling in the skeleton for the next flight. Jason creeps over and lies down beside me on the blanket I've laid on the ground.
"So what brings you out here? Other than to make me wet my pants."
"You wet your pants?" His hand is suddenly running across my ass and between my legs. "I don't notice any dampness."
"Continue that and you will." I turn and smile at him. But hear another group coming. They always are talking which makes it easier to get ready for them. As I watch the group walk the path, Jason's hand is rubbing my crotch. I'm a little late getting the lights and just barely beat the wailing.
"Dude, stop - I can't concentrate if you doing that."
"Hey Mark, don't wait so long dude." It is one of the guys from the other team whisper over to me.
"Gotcha" Jason whispers.
I smile "wait till later dude, then I'll be your treat."
"Oh, I was hoping you'd be my trick." Jason smiles big and laughs a little. I'm shocked at his comment. It's a good come-back, but not what Jason would normally say.
I smelled the beer as he leans in close. He nibbles an ear as his hands run up my sides. "People coming." I opened my eyes and then hit the switch. Might have been too early, but not by much.
"I can't concentrate with you doing that. Have you been drinking?"
"Shush - here comes another group. Don't mess up again." Jason giggles.
I watch the group and hold the switch in my hands trying to ignore the nibbling of Jason's lips on my neck and his hands grabbing and rubbing my jeans.
The group screams, I cut the lights and then row Jason over on his back and thrust my tongue into his mouth as I clutch him tightly. I ground my crotch into his thigh and suck on his tongue.
A nervous laugh from the next groups brings me back to reality and I grab the box to work the light again.
Jason puts his hands to my waist and starts to undo my jeans. My whole body trembles with anticipation of his hot mouth encasing my cock, his tongue flicking my head. But not here, not now.
"Jason, dude, don't. To risky dude, can't do that here. This is the park dude." I'm watching the group, working the light, Jason ignores me. His fingers have the belt undone and the button popped. His hand is hot when it reaches my stomach, pushing the shirt out of the way. Hotter when he pushes it down into my underwear to grab my cock.
Another group is walking down the path and I force myself to work the lights. My body shivers when my cock is pulled free of the jeans and out in the cool breeze of the night.
"Jason, please don't dude. We could be seen dude, please." Tears well in my eyes as his hot breath blows across my cock, his tongue slowly rubs across my cock head. "Dude, please, don't."
"Hey, guys, that was the last of them, time to close down for the night."
Jason is up and running away. I roll over and put my cock back into my jeans and get dressed. I grab the blanket and hold it in front of me, get the light box and head up out of the ditch.
"That was wicked wasn't it." "Yeah cool." "Hey Mark, you were late a couple of times with the light, what gives."
"Yeah, I just wasn't concentrating I guess." The butterflies left my stomach, my heart slowed down.
"Well tomorrow is the last night and usually the busiest, maybe Natasha should be with you to help you concentrate." Brandon wasn't smiling as he spoke. I could see disappointment in his eyes.