Predestinations

PRELUDE:

"What are you talking about? They are inseparable!" Jeff exclaimed.

"I know, but not for long," Erica said puffing on her cigarette lightly.

"How would you know?" Jeff asked perplexed.

"I used to be Ben's best friend, I know. By the end of the school year Kyle will have been a passing interest to Ben," Erica stated.

"A week? You think the two will go from inseparable to unattached in a week?" Jeff asked in disbelief.

"Ben will lose interest, Kyle won't know what to do. They fight, it's sad, and then we pick up the pieces." Erica laughed. "You'll have your latest obsession and I'll have a lot of fun in the meantime."

REVELATIONS:

I tossed over to glare at the alarm clock, at the time that seemed like the smartest thing to do. I get up, nonchalantly, ignoring any daze, and turn it off. It's funny: I've had the same schedule for almost a year, getting up at the exact same time yet I pretend my alarm clock isn't there. I shake, startled when it blares and blame it, but I bought it and, the night before, I set it. It is funny.

I get dressed for another morning and another trivial day. But that isn't true at all. I made an important decision possibly a week ago. No, that isn't true either. I made an important decision five days ago and that makes today different.

Something that I have put to much thought into and something that resulted in to many tears drawn has been dismissed from my life. I made it clear that I wasn't a friend with someone, which is definitely true. I made it clear I didn't care for someone, which is the biggest lie. I may care for him but I care for me more and it became misery being around him.

His name is Kyle, and mine is Ben. My older brother Dan is the same age as Kyle (which is a senior) and I am a junior.

I am nothing special; dark brown hair, hazel eyes, long face, broad shoulders, a 6-pack that light has to be perfect to see, nothing special.

Kyle was something special; light neat brown hair, green eyes, chiseled face, huge pectorals and 6-pack, the coolest thing about him was his unawareness that he was incredibly special.

I desired Kyle in ways that frightened me, since I've never had that type of desire before. What scared me were my emotions, towards a male, I overcame them. The only thing that frightened me was that Kyle wouldn't like me, wouldn't return my love.

My brother introduced me to Kyle when I was a freshman and he was a junior. "Ben," Dan said in a very serious tone, "this is my new best friend Kyle, he will more than likely be home as much as I am, try and get along." Even though he was horribly drunk at the time and passed out soon after wishing we'd be friends I took it into consideration... considering Kyle was very attractive. And we did get along, soon Kyle was at our house when Dan wasn't. Dan found new best friends; they were quite common with him. He has always been more popular than I have. I cherished Kyle, I'd talk about him when he wasn't around and always be smiling when he was near. It was a crush, a juvenile crush. But I ended it, five days ago.

I finally leave my room and head downstairs to get something to eat before I leave for school. "Five days," I think to myself. Cereal sounds good, as it has for as long as I can remember. I fill a bowl and reach inside the refrigerator to get the milk, gone.

"Dan!" I scream up the stairs furious.

He drags his feet down the hall and looks towards me from the top of the stairs. "What?" he asks while still in his underwear.

"You used the last of the milk!" I complained.

His hands wandered into his boxers and scratches while shrugging his shoulders.

"Great, great, the day is ruined." I mutter imagining eating breakfast at school with a bunch of rejects.

"Oh," Dan said "I also used up all of the gas in you car."

"Perfect," I spat with venom "now I can't even eat at school because I need to stop and get gas! Why didn't you use your car? I'm sure you have a full tank."

"I needed your backseat, if you know what I mean."

"Thanks Dan, appreciate it." I said to Dan as he went down the halls towards his locker after giving me a ride in his Dodge Viper.

Now that he gave me a ride I can at least use one of the vending machines and avoid the cafeteria.

I walk to the candy machine, I eye the cinnamon rolls with peanut butter, and I insert my only dollar. I scream, as it does not register on the small screen. I lost my only dollar.

I scan around searching for someone to take a dollar from. My stomach protests to my pace.

All I can find is some guys leaving early weight lifting to change and shower for the day. "Any change?" and "got a dollar?" were continually answered by "my money is in my pants not my gym shorts."

My fists slam against the vending machine violently.

"Is your breakfast stuck?" Kyle asked me.

I, distracted with my assault against the thieving candy machine, did not notice Kyle walk up behind me.

"Not exactly, I didn't even get that far." I said not turning but rather speaking to his reflection on the plastic cover belonging to the vending machine. His brown hair and green eyes were still apparent even with the distortions from the reflection.

"Don't have enough?" he asked politely, "I have some..."

"No." I said suddenly content with my hunger. I walked away from the vending machine and added: "thanks though."

"So what? You starve?" Kyle asked putting a dollar of his own into the vending machine.

"I ate at home, just wanted a snack." I replied stopping a few feet away and looking over my shoulder.

Kyle shook his head as he said "Ben, Ben, Ben."

I paused and turned as his selection dropped to the bottom of the machine.

Kyle leaned over and reached into the slot, "you didn't have any milk to be able to eat at home." My lips parted involuntarily. "Dan says hi," he adds.

I fought the urge to smile at being snared by my lie.

He smiled from ear to ear, a beautiful white smile.

"Good old Dan." I said smiling; caught.

Kyle pulled his hand out of the slot standing up. "Peanut butter cinnamon rolls," he said and opened the package. "Your favorite."

My glands salivated. My eyes widened. My face an expressionless picture. I'm incredibly hungry.

"First hour starts in a couple minutes, I think you can still get to the cafeteria if you hurry. Lunch lady Maeve is still serving breakfast." He said. "Or maybe you can take time out of your busy schedule for us little people and have a snack." He said.

My thoughts trace back to five days ago when I told him I probably wouldn't be able to hang out anymore since "I've taken up such a huge workload at school and at work." Of course the real reason being that I couldn't stand being around him anymore because I'd have to stare at something I couldn't have or even express desire for. He thought it was pretty comical but any call or stop at my house was met with a cold shoulder.

"What I love best is how the peanut butter sticks to your teeth," Kyle said smiling. God bless his heart, he is still trying. I can't deny that I like that he still tries.

"I never said anything about 'little people' and you know it," I said and stepped towards Kyle subtly.

"Maybe not," he said smiling.

"And I can't afford to lose my job even though they have given me more hours than I wanted," I explained and stepped closer to Kyle.

"I totally understand," he said smiling.

"School comes first, the harder the classes the more time I need to study," I said not believing a word of what I said. I stepped even closer to Kyle, now a foot away.

"Sacrifices must be made," he added. Kyle didn't believe a word either.

I reached for the snack that sat in his hand out of its wrapper; the frosting rubbed slightly off on his palm.

"What time does first hour start?" Kyle asks pulling the snack away to look at his watch in the same hand.

"No!" I exclaimed, smiling, agitated. So strange that I can be agitated yet happy at the same time although I knew why, (or better), who.

The bell rings through the school and everyone down the hall leave their lockers to get to first hour.

Kyle walks down the hall a few steps and stops to say, "if you want a dollar you can have one." My smile faded, I just got my mind screwed with, and I don't like that.

"You can get another one but this is the last peanut butter cinnamon one. I think there is still strawberry swirl." Kyle said walking off.

I fumed.

"Have any food?" I asked Erica in the beginning of my first hour Spanish class.

"I only have mints," she said turning in her chair ahead of mine to face me.

I glared.

"I have Vaseline too." She added trying to be helpful.

I shook my head.

"Are you and Kyle speaking yet?" she asked amused with her question.

"Actually I just had an encounter," I said. She looked at me asking me with her eyes to continue. I said, "he talked to my brother to find out I had not had any breakfast and then he tried to offer me some."

"That bastard!" she shrieked making fun of my narration with sarcasm. "How dare he try and help you?"

I rolled my eyes and continued with a short summary, "I got outsmarted, this is serious."

"Do you like him any more than before now?" she asked, Erica is the only person I have ever told about me being gay and she immediately could tell I had 'a thing' for Kyle. It must have been obvious.

"Of course I like him more, I just wish he knew what he was doing." I said shaking my head.

"Maybe he does." She suggested.

"Explain," I encouraged.

"You two were best friends, I mean were best friends. Anyway, how could he not know? I mean you were constantly around him and with 'a thing' as strong as yours... he has to know. And if he knew and didn't show that he cared there may be hope yet" Erica said.

I sat for a second pondering what she just said. "You are right."

"Well, you just had him as a best friend."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"That fate only takes you so far." She said and leaned in, "what are you going to do next?"

"Nice of you to show up, Ben," my manager of the evening Jessica said to me as I clocked in.

"I'm so sorry Jess, those ten minutes that I'm late and that thirty cents that I missed from my hourly wage will keep me up all night tonight," I said sarcastically.

"Tuck in your shirt and take table fifty-eight," was all she had to say before walking off.

I must be the first server for the night shift at the restaurant I work at which isn't fair since I would have to come straight here after school to be on time. It is a local place that lets me see kids from school often. Sadly, I also have to wait on them and their cheapness affects my car payments.

I turn the corner from the kitchen and walk towards table fifty-eight, to my surprise it had three familiar faces sitting at it.

"Took you long enough," Dan said.

"Yeah, we've been waiting for a half hour!" Kyle added.

"Where's our food?" Dan pleaded.

"I'm hungry!" Kyle added.

The third seems to be Dan's newest girl; she watched Dan and Kyle talk with hidden fascination.

"Ready to order?" I asked patiently while lying beverage napkins down in front of them.

"No," Kyle answered.

"We'll need a few minutes," Dan added.

"Should I come back in about a half hour?" I asked watching them scan their menus. "Would you like something to drink for now?"

"Coca Cola," Kyle said.

"Yeah, Coca Cola," Dan added.

"I'll have the same," the blonde sitting next to my brother said quietly.

"Coke it is." I said and turned back towards the kitchen.

"Yeah, Root Beer." Dan said.

"Sure, Dr. Pepper," Kyle said.

I turned around again and bit my lower lip with slight impatience.

"Another refill?" I asked Kyle for the fifth time in the last hour. By now the entire restaurant was filled with people.

"Of course, except this time make it lemonade," Kyle said reaching for the glass then suggested, "and hurry."

When Kyle talked to someone he made direct eye contact, no straying or a small glance to the side. When he talked to me he made perfect eye contact and blindly reached for his glass, and blindly- he spilled it.

The cute little blonde got Sprite tossed all over her lap. She shrieked (meekly) and jumped to her feet. Her jeans that looked like they cost two of my paychecks had a dark blue spot on the crotch.

Kyle laughed... sympathetically.

"I'm so sorry," he said in between bouts of laughter, the words could barely form through his big white smile.

"You little shit." I said to him.

He stopped laughing and looked at me surprised.

I felt bad for the girl, and for Dan too, they were slowly realizing that something is amiss.

"It was an accident," Kyle said with his perfect eye contact.

"An accident that embarrassed the girl in a crowded restaurant and to make it worse you haven't offered to help clean it up, you just sit and laugh," I said.

"Why don't you just go run and get some towels, Ben," Kyle said angry enough that he gave me an order.

"Calm down," Dan said cautiously.

"Why don't you fuck off?" I asked Kyle in response to his command.

"I might do that or I might sit on my ass and let you blow me." He said sarcastically.

"Shut the fuck up!" Dan shouted at Kyle.

I tried not to laugh even though Dan yelling at Kyle was very amusing.

"I'll go get some towels and then maybe later I'll blow you, if the offer still stands." I said and went to get the towel.

Kyle ignored me. "I'm really sorry, and I'm sorry I laughed," Kyle said genuinely to the girl when I got back.

She told him it was fine and tried to dry herself off.

"No, really, I'm very sorry." Kyle said.

All I could do was sit and look at the back of Kyle's head and glare. The argument at the moment was how he reacted but actually I hated him for what he does to me, how he makes me react, how he makes me lose my temper. Does he have any idea?

"Can I get another towel?" Kyle asked me with his back, uncharacteristically, turned towards me as he spoke.

"This is fine, all gone," the girl said.

"Not for you," Kyle said and stood up taking Dan's glass of Root Beer, "for me," and poured it over his front side.

My eyes bulged, even though I considered myself an expert at Kyle's behavior what he did surprised me entirely.

"Is there a problem?" Jessica asked the table walking up to it.

The entire restaurant watching the four of us seems to have gotten Jessica's attention.

"No," Dan said shaking his head in disbelief.

She examined Kyle's T-shirt and jeans that were absorbing Root Beer.

"Actually," Kyle began, "could you tell me why you gave Ben more hours?" Kyle finished.

"What?" I stammered surprised.

"Because he asked for them," she said not wondering why Kyle cared but still answered truthfully.

"That is what I thought, thanks," Kyle said and added, "the food is great!"

First he screwed with my head this morning persuading me to ask for something which he knew I hated doing, and when I did he walked away the victor. Now even though he was at fault with his behavior, at dinner tonight he ended up making me feel stupid in front of my brother and my manager.

I've never known Kyle like that, a friend and as a crush but never like this.

"How was work, honey?" Dan asked me jokingly as I walked in the door, sliding my shoes off.

"Didn't suck," I responded.

"That is good to hear, we didn't get you fired did we?" he asked.

"Not that I know of, shitty tip though."

He laughed knowing that I was joking since that he left me a twenty-five percent tip.

"Where is the blonde?" I asked.

"After she got something poured on her lap..." he started.

"You were no longer necessary?" I asked.

"Something like that," he finished with a slight chuckle.

"But honestly, thanks for the extra cash even though it was probably only from you and the blonde. And thanks for sticking up for me too, Kyle can be a jackass." I said even though I've never known Kyle to be a jackass.

"Kyle paid most of the tip, he felt bad for embarrassing you." Dan said.

I stood dumbfounded.

"What would you do if someone lied and ignored you only for trying to be a good friend? I'd be a jackass too." Dan said.

"Point taken," I said and walked upstairs, "thanks though."

I did lie but I had my reasons, spending time with him was starting to be hell. The closest comparison to me hanging out with him is working at Subway when your hungry but you can't eat any of the food.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Kyle surprised to see him lying on my bed when I walked into my room.

"Just waiting," was all he had to say to me, Kyle must have let him up.

"For what?"

"An apology." He said with confidence. I had cooled off a little since the restaurant incident but the second thing he says to me already pisses me off.

"Do you have some fetish where you like to get yelled at?" I asked. He had a chance; I was willing to talk. I may start fights but I have a reason, what's his problem?

"Big time," he answered folding his arms behind his head.

"I have to be at school in seven hours, I'd like to get into some clothes that don't smell like food or smoke and do some homework and then get to bed. If you got something to say, say it." I said taking off my polo for work leaving only my white undershirt.

"Need some help?" he offered.

"I think I learned how to dress myself when I was four," I replied.

"What subject of homework?" he asked smiling, "because maybe I could help."

I had to smile again, as much as it pains me to do so me thinking that he offered to help me get dressed was funny.

"Math," I told him while trying not to smile.

"I'm better at math than you and I took the class last year. I could have done the same assignment last year."

"Could be," I said. I found it easy to not smile when he grew so confident of himself.

"I bet some help with that homework would be nice especially since you need to be at school in seven hours." He said while still looking at me from my bed smiling.

"How was that peanut butter cinnamon roll this morning? Pretty good?" I asked him letting him know I didn't forget.

"Peanut butter cinnamon roll, one dollar. Dinner being served to me by my favorite person, fifteen dollars." Kyle said and sat up on my bed, "finding out that you'd rather work all week than be around me... priceless."

"What do you want to hear, an apology? Sit back, relax, pack a lunch and good luck!" I exclaimed.

"What are you hiding?" he asked me standing up. "You got weird."

I froze while thinking back to the conversation that Erica and I had earlier today. "How could he not know?" the question she asked me echoed in my head.

"What are you hiding?" he asked again cocking his head slightly to the side while narrowing his stare.

"Nothing, I need the money, that is all," I said stepping back, "car payments, you know?"

"No." He said assured. "If it were car payments you wouldn't lie."

I stepped back again and almost fell into my closet; I smiled sheepishly and stood back up. I hate how he has me do stupid things when I am around him.

"You are hiding something, you have been hiding something, and you don't have the balls to say it." Kyle stated and then with a commanding voice said, "tell me."

I tried to step back again but realized I'd fall, I broke eye contact, and I looked at the ground.

"Tell me." He demanded and stepped closer.

Something clicked inside me; was it a gear or a switch? I'm not sure, but my whole demeanor changed. "Give me some air," I said and pushed him back. He tripped on the bed and sat down on it looking at me surprised.

He waited with his eyes, trying to look into mine but I won't let him. He already knows; he has to, Erica was right. "All you have to do is tell him," I thought to myself. "All you have to do is tell him!" I repeated.

I looked up into his eyes, which surprised him; so much he backed up on the bed.

I liked this, the balance of power switched a little bit, and there were no commands and insecurities. I was going to tell him and he will listen.

"You know in old Europe if you wanted to be something you had to find someone who was an expert at what you wanted to be and follow them around? It was an apprenticeship. You learn from someone and put your future into his or her hands. Do you know what I mean?" I asked Kyle.

He simply nodded.

"Well, I'm gay," I said to him.

He squirmed on the bed, adjusting to the shock.

I laughed, thoroughly enjoying his discomfort with the situation and conversation. "Speak up," I told him.

"Apprenticeship?" he questioned.

"I had to throw you off-guard." I said.

"Mission accomplished," he said and shook his head.

"It wasn't exactly mission impossible." I said making fun of how uneasy he was.

"I'm cool with it though, really, I am. No need to hide anything, I'm fine."

I crossed my arms; "you don't seem fine. I wanted to avoid this. Do you understand now?"

"Almost, but this will help." Kyle said and moved in close to me, his scent overwhelming. My newfound confidence around him quickly diminishes as he slides his face against my neck and kisses from the bottom of my neck to my ear. I hear and feel his warm breath brush against me. I hear wet kissing sounds...

I about fall down, my knee buckles, and I lose balance. Kyle puts his arm around my waist to catch me and pulls me up so our chests rested on each other.

He leans in once more... "Wait!" I shout.

Kyle stands back after I push him aside. "You knew? You knew?" I exclaimed.

He nodded cautiously, "I knew that you liked me I didn't know if that was because I liked you or not. I had to wait until you got the balls to say something."

"Bullshit! You waited because you never had the balls." I said annoyed. "And don't tell me what I like."

"You like someone who is strong and confident yet caring and understanding. You like someone who doesn't care about popularity and someone who won't take your shit. You like me, and I am telling you." Kyle said and steps closer to me again. "Stop fighting, it is just a defense mechanism and you don't need to defend yourself from me."

"I hate you," I said looking him right in the eyes and glaring. My glare fades and I find myself elaborating on my vicious comment. "I hate how you're so confident in the things you do, and I hate how you usually have the right thing to say. I hate what you represent in me, I hate the feelings you cause, I hate how well you know me and most of all I hate that I think I love you." I said with possibly some tears.

He put his arms around my waist and rested his forehead against mine. "That is a lot of hate," he said.

"And some love," I responded and sniffed.

"Yeah, there is some of that," Kyle said and kissed my nose.

"So what now?" I asked surprised at how easy it is to be comfortable in Kyle's arms.

"Now it only gets easier," he said.

"I can believe that," I agreed.

He rocked me side to side gently in his arms. I turn my head to look into his eyes, at the time that seemed like the smartest thing to do. Our lips meet. It's funny: I lied and ignored him for almost a week yet I pretend his reactions are unreasonable. I yell, surprised when he protests and blame him for it, but I love him, and five days ago, I tried to push him away. It is funny.

^^^^^^

I have a lot planned for this story, if you wish to have more posted at nifty give me responses at Sparty019@aol.com . There wasn't any sex in the story yet because I think it will be a better read if it builds to it, and sex isn't the point of the story. If you want to read more send me a response.