Programmed Emotions

Programmed Emotions Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I wake up.

And I have this strong feeling that something was missing. Something was off.

"Babe you ok..."

My eyes are heavy maybe that's why I am confused about who is laying beside me.

"Bronx?"

He gives me a look, "Bronx? Like Bronx, New York? What are you saying?"

I'm not completely sure. I wake up and notice that this person beside me is familiar. I know this person. I've been intimate with this person before. He has these hazel eyes that look back at me and these strong masculine arms that reach over grabbing me by my waist and pulling me so close that I am all of a sudden concerned about my own morning breath and whether this sexy man would appreciate it.

"Coyote," I state.

"Uh yeah, Coyote Masterson----your fiance," he states, "That must have been one hell of a dream."

"Fiance?"

Fiance. Yes. I remember. He was my fiancé.

"You sounded surprised," he states, "Don't tell me you're getting cold feet about the wedding that we're going to have."

"No of course not..." I state, "The wedding. The wedding that is going to take place in three days..."

The memory just comes to me. It's weird. It's as though it was just in there. I remember now. I took some time off from school because I had a death in the family. I returned to school and there he was Coyote Masterson----my dream boyfriend----waiting with flowers, all my best friends and a ring. He asks to marry me and wants to do it as soon as possible.

And this is exactly what I've always wanted.

Perfect.

That's the word that somehow pops into my mind. I had a perfect life.

Maybe that's why I smile contently, "Hell no. No cold feet. You just need to make sure that sister of yours behaves."

He laughs at the thought, "You need to worry about whether or not I'll behave long enough to make it to the altar."

With that, he grabs me teasingly squeezing me right underneath my thighs. I let out a deep moan as the feeling runs through my body. He follows this up with kisses. Soft kisses but they are firm. They start all the way from my side moving up, up and up towards my neck. Finally, he gets to my lips and I'm left moaning with an open mouth.

An open mouth welcomes his tongue.

"I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy..."

The perfect words. Everything I want to hear. When he kisses me it feels perfect as well. So I let him undress me, peeling off my clothes as though they were layers above the most succulent fruit he'd ever laid eyes on. When the clothes are off he begins licking me, slowly pressing his lips down up against my skin and letting his tongue take it's time to explore my body. He makes it all the way down to my feet and I'm thrown completely off.

"You're not..."

"You know I love every part of you," is his response, "You scared me this morning. Do you think you're going to be running away from me with these lil' piggies?"

"Don't think about it Coyote."

"I've always wanted to try it."

"Coyote----"

It's too late. My toes are in his mouth and the smalls of my back literally lift up from the bed as though a thread was attached from my belly button all the way to heaven and God was pulling me home. I exhale deeply feeling his tongues explore my toes. My dick hardens and before I know it, I have it in my hands. I'm jerking off wildly and uncontrollably as he sucks my toes as though they were ice cream popsicles. I allow myself to relax feeling a warm sensation in a place that never usually got warm sensations.

He sucks so well that saliva is almost dripping from my toenails and I'm cumming a fountain all over my chest before stopping.

"Damn..." is all I can say.

Perfect. My life was perfect. Everything was exactly how it should be. Who could ever want for more?

"I love you, Cassius."

"I love you too Bronx..."

I said it again. I don't think he notices because he turns around and goes to sleep. I'm nervous though. Really nervous. What the fuck was all that about. Why the fuck did I just say that word again. What the fuck was wrong with me?

Who the hell was Bronx?

~

"Do you know a Bronx?" I ask.

Class is about to start. I'm in the auditorium room. My mother's been reaching out all day wanting to know how the internship at the Masterson's was going. As though she doesn't know how it's going. I was sleeping with the heir to the Masterson fortune, after all. It wasn't like I had a whole bunch of work to do. I knew my mother was just trying for conversation though. We were never close. Not like me and my father.

My father...

Why does the thought of him get me all sad? He died such a long time ago. I was used to it by now. But for some reason, I'm grasping my chest. Luckily my best friend is there to get my mind off of it.

Dree looks at me as though I've lost my mind, "Bronx. Yeah like isn't that where like Hip Hop started or something? You trying to be a rapper?"

I laugh but I know that she's dead serious. That's what makes it even funnier. I know my best friend and she wasn't really good with names. She wasn't really good with memory either. I was the one who always remembered things. Which is surprising why I can't put together how I know this name and where the name came from in the first place.

"Something weird happened this morning," I tell her, "I called Coyote by another guy's name."

"Shut the fuck up."

Dree leans in clearly intrigued by this.

"Yeah. The weird thing is I can't even remember who the person was," I state, "Seems like it was someone from my past but I don't know. Do you think that means anything?"

"Maybe it's the world telling you not to marry Coyote since you didn't listen to me the first 400 times I said it," Dree states.

Dree never liked Coyote. I don't think it was personal. It wasn't like Dree and Coyote were always around each other getting into arguments. Coyote acted like Dree didn't exist for the most part. That was a big part of the problem actually, now that I think of it.

"You sound jealous," a voice states.

I look over my shoulder and see Stella Masterson. She's leaning over, making it quite clear she was eavesdropping. Normally I'd say something defensive but I promised Coyote I'd try to get along with his annoying sister especially if it was necessary for the wedding.

"Dree's happy," I defend my best friend, "We are all excited for the wedding."

"Good," Stella replies, "Because I put a lot of work into this. It's going to be at the Research facility. I've already booked an important speaker..."

"Shouldn't Cassius have a say who is speaking at his wedding?" Dree asks out loud.

She's saying it as though it's common sense but by Stella's reaction, it's clear that it isn't. I didn't put Stella in charge of being my wedding planner. Honestly, I can't remember a lot of details about how she became my wedding planner. All I do remember was that was the case now.

"With all due respect, Cassius is becoming a Masterson now," she states, "And following Masterson tradition we are going to have an acclaimed well-known speaker speak at the wedding. The speaker is being flown out for the rehearsal dinner. Dree----you better be on time for this one."

"Right the 8th Rehearsal dinner is going to be more important than the others..." Dree states, "How about less rehearsing the marriage and more rehearsing the divorce."

I kick Dree under the table. She was being humorous in a way that I knew the likes of Stella Masterson wouldn't understand. Stella gives me a look and then looks at Dree. It's almost clear that she didn't like her.

"Dree will be there," I assure Stella.

Stella looks over at me and she puts her hand on my shoulder, "Listen I know that I wasn't that fond of you but I just want to make sure this is perfect. I see the way that Coyote looks at you. I know that you're the one. You're special."

"Special..."

All of a sudden I have this memory. This odd memory that I didn't have before. A boy who I don't know reaching over to me and telling me that I was special. And that person meaning it in a way that I knew Stella didn't.

He meant it as though he wasn't programmed to say this.

As though he said it because of his own free will.

Wait? I confuse myself into a headache. Programmed? Free will? None of that really made sense to me...

"That's what I said," Stella states giving me an intense look, "Are you OK, Cassius? You look...I don't know----perplexed."

Special. I keep thinking it over and over even as Stella as talking. It's as though the word just sticks into my mind and I'm not quite sure why. Why does it mean something to me? Why does it mean anything to me?

Special...

Dree interrupts as though realizing I can't do it on my own, "He's fine. He's just been going through a lot of issues. You know with the death in the family and all..."

"We'll be there," I assure Stella.

Stella walks away but as she does I see Dree still staring at me. She's wondering the same thing that Stella was wondering. She's wondering the same thing that I was wondering.

She looks over her left shoulder as Stella leaves.

"You really OK----or like fake-it-for-the-cameras OK?" she asks with a controlled suspicion after Stella leaves.

I'm glad my best friend knows enough to at least wait until we're in private to try to dig.

"Yeah I'm fine," I state, "But you said that I had a death in my family. For some reason, I just can't put my finger on it. Who died?"

It's weird that I couldn't remember. What's even weirder is the response that happens. It's as though the whole world realizes something is off. The lights flicker a little bit. Dree's eyes blink randomly hard over and over and over and over. That's when I look around the class and I notice the same thing happening to other people. Everyone's eyes blinking as though they were being taken over by some entity.

It was...well...it was TERRIFYING!

I am left with my mouth left wide open and then all of a sudden the lights go steady. The blinking stops. And for some reason, Stella is back in the auditorium. I could have sworn she left. I watch as she leaves again and Dree looks over her shoulder as she walks away in the exact same way that she just did not too long ago.

"You really OK----or like fake-it-for-the-cameras OK?" she asks with the same look she just had.

"Dree you asked that already..."

"No I didn't," she responds, "Listen. Get some rest OK. If you're having second thoughts about it, it's OK to tell Coyote you want to wait. You're young. Why rush? There's so much more than this world has to offer. There's so much you don't know."

~

I want to talk to my mother about the issues that I'm having. It gets to the point that I actually get to the wedding rehearsal early just so that I could talk to her. She's sitting there with this exciting mom smile. The kind of smile that she had even when I told her that I was gay. The kind of smile that said that she wished it had gone another way but she was going to take what she got. She was OK with me being gay. Not happy, but not some homophobic outraged parent. I guess I should consider myself lucky but for some reason, I wanted more. For some reason, I knew that if my father was around when I was getting married he would be happy for me.

He would support my decision to find real love. No matter what. And he'd dance. He wouldn't just sit there with this awkward smile on his face.

"Ma..."

"Yes, Cassius?"

I open my mouth to say it but even thinking about it, all the words sound jumbled. `Ma, for some reason I woke up and I feel a little weird. I keep remembering someone that doesn't exist. And what's even weirder is that earlier today it was like the whole world hit rewind like some old school Blockbuster VHS movie when I asked a question. Everyone hit rewind except for me.' It all sounded like bullshit.

Either way, I don't get a chance to ask. We are interrupted. It's Mr. Masterson. He has an arm over me before I notice and he's squeezing tight.

"There goes my soon-to-be son in law," he states, "You excited for this?"

I force a smile, "So excited."

"Good, did Stella tell you about our Guest of Honor?" he asks, "We can't talk about this woman enough. Wait until you meet her. Everyone is talking about how brilliant she is. You wouldn't guess how much money I had to pay her for speaking fees."

The Mastersons would spare no expense now that Coyote Masterson was getting married. They were going to go all holds barred and getting this big deal speaker was just a part of it.

"I'm excited to meet her. Is she here yet?"

She shakes his head, "No, but she will be."

"Dad, are you scaring him out of the family already?" Coyote asks.

That is followed by some laughter, even from me, even though it's forced. The truth was the Mastersons loved to control things. It's the reason why Stella took over my wedding. It's the reason why his father was talking to me right now. And it's also the reason why Coyote had to come over to make sure that his father wasn't stepping past any boundaries.

They weren't the type of family to just... "let things be".

I feel completely out of place when the Coyote and his father go back and forth. I know they want me to join the banter but for some reason, I can't. They are talking about stocks and business. They are talking about marriage. They are even talking about future potential kids.

But for some reason, I feel...disconnected from it. I don't know why. It's not that they were rich. It wasn't a class thing. It was something else. It was as though you were bilingual and you went to the country where they spoke the 2nd language you knew. You can speak the language if you want to but for some reason, you want to hold onto your native tongue. You don't want to speak the same language they are talking about.

I want to speak another language.

But I can't.

It's the worst feeling in the fucking world.

"You guys hear that?" I ask.

I've been lost in my thoughts most of the rehearsal. I mean to stand here, move there, say this, so that is all easy enough to do while thinking about something else but when a siren comes I am truly interrupted.

I think I'm going crazy when an alarm starts sounding off. There were enough things only I could hear that were already concerning enough. Luckily I realize that a lot of other people in the rehearsal dinner can hear it as well. There is a stream of stares looking around trying to understand what was happening.

"An intruder," some man comes over to report to Mr. Masterson, "We have him in custody..."

The room seems intrigued but I think this just adds to Mr. Masterson's allure. I can see his face light up. He loves the idea of having these events in buildings that he owns. It's part of his control issue that he has. Everyone now is realizing how big of a deal Mr. Masterson and this research facility is that he commands this big security team. And he has become even bigger of a deal.

"We should go look into this," Mr. Masterson tells Coyote.

"I'll be here," I respond to Coyote.

I smile at him. Yeah. I'll be here drowning in a sea of people I don't even know who are apart of my wedding because they have business dealings with the Mastersons. The thought fills my head quickly as I try to push it out. I don't know why I was thinking like that. This life was perfect. It was everything I wanted.

Almost like I made a deal with the devil to get it.

"Why don't you come too," Mr. Masterson asks me.

"Me?"

"Well after college you'll be working at the Masterson Research facility full time and I need to start preparing you to support my son when he takes over," Mr. Masterson states.

I hadn't accepted any job at the Masterson Research facility. Sure I interned there but I hadn't had any conversation with Mr. Masterson about being interested in the facility. At the same time, acknowledging this I also realize this is the path I'm going to take. It's weird. It's almost like I know I'm destined to work for the facility. My husband will be a big deal like his father. I'd make my mom proud that even though I wasn't that straight boy she wanted me to be, I was at least married to a successful person. Maybe her mediocre pleasant smile would get a little wider at that point.

Who knows?

It's not like I had control of things in my life. Not anymore. Not now that I was marrying into the Mastersons, so I say what is expected of me.

"Absolutely."

So here I am walking down a hallway even though I didn't want to. I'm stuck between Coyote and his father even though I don't want to be. Mr. Masterson wastes no time telling me how much of an inconvenience it is to have so many people interfere with this.

That's when I see the figure standing there.

It's this slim looking guy with a handsome face. The security has him in arms. They push him to the ground. Somehow he gets away. He does it quickly as though trained to push past. I'd never seen someone move so fast.

"Watch out!" I hear Coyote screaming to his father as the prisoner breaks past the guards.

I'm shocked when I see the prisoner slide through a guard's legs. Two more men attempt to attack him. The man is so quick like some sort of ninja. I think I'm watching a movie as I see him scale a much taller man without using his hands. He then manages to wrap his thighs around the man's head as though it's a nut and twisting his body sending the guard pivoting to the ground in a hard crash.

Mr. Masterson keeps his cool as though this powerful individual was expected. Without even blinking an eye he says, "More."

Out of nowhere more guards come out. 10 now as opposed to the two or three who were holding the prisoner before. The man clearly has drive though. I watch as he climbs the wall and falls back on the group of men. He dives from the elevated position tucking both arms in and striking the attackers with one shoulder to the upper body.

As he rolls out of it, he reaches for a gun but someone gets to that gun before him. That person is Coyote. Coyote is holding the gun at this man's head.

"Stop or I'll shoot," Coyote states.

Coyote seems nervous but nowhere near as nervous as I am. He's holding the gun steady. I can only tell Coyote is nervous because I know him. The attacker probably would think he's just as steady as his father.

But for some reason, the attacker isn't worried about Coyote. He looks over at me instead, "Cassius..."

Weird.

"You know me?"

"Cassius are you joking?" he states, "It's me Nano."

"You know this guy?" Coyote asks me.

I shake my head, "Never saw him in my life."

Nano sighs, "Dammit. You took the deal. I got cold feet last minute and tried to run away. I tracked you down here and hoped to god they hadn't reprocessed you but I guess I'm too late. Cassius, I need you to think. Is Bronx alive?"

Bronx.

"How do you know that name?" I ask.

Before I get an answer, Mr. Masterson pushes past me as though irritated by something. Perhaps me speaking to the intruder. I'm not quite sure. What I am worried about however is when Mr. Masterson grabs the gun away from Coyote.

And then he does something shocking.

BANG!

He shoots this guy. Right in the middle of the head. The guy falls down and dies laying there. He's not moving. He's not doing anything. He's just laying there.

"Why----why did you do that?" I ask Mr. Masterson.

Mr. Masterson smiles at me, "There's a lot you don't know Cassius. There are people in this world. People who want to upset the true balance of things. My job, Cassius and the job of every good citizen are to destroy these weeds when they pop up. Do you understand?"

I didn't understand.

But for some reason, I'm nodding.

"Yes."

Mr. Masterson smiles as though knowing I was going to say yes. Deep inside I know he realizes I don't understand. Somewhere between him dropping his gun on the dead body, asking his son for a handkerchief to clean up a bit of the blood and then turning to me, I know that this was all wrong somehow. But it doesn't matter.

I have no control to stop it.

So I smile, accepting anything that Mr. Masterson had to tell me.

Mr. Masterson smiles, "After I am gone, it's going to be up to you and Coyote to take over where I left off. You must take over the tech company. You must eliminate viruses like that one."

I'm struggling at that moment.

I look down at the boy. Why do I feel sad? He was an intruder. He was a stranger? Wasn't he? Why did he act as he knew me? Why did he mention that name that I keep hearing over and over?

And for some reason, I ask a question.

A question I shouldn't ask.

"How do you know he is a virus?"

A few of the guards with Mr. Masterson stare at me, then stare at Mr. Masterson and then stare at me again. I watch how nervous they are as though noticing I shouldn't have asked the question that I just asked. I don't know why I shouldn't ask the question. I don't know who told me not to ask the question. All I know is that a question like that shouldn't be asked. For some reason, it came out of my mouth anyway and it takes everyone by surprise except for Coyote who is just someone impossible to read at this moment.

There is a slight pause. A pause where I think one of those men with Mr. Masterson is going to take out their gun and shoot me for asking that sort of question.

They don't but I think it's only because Mr. Masterson smiles and walks up to me, "We had someone who pretended to be a virus. Someone who was working for us on the inside."

"Who?"

"Come. I'll introduce you."

~

I walk into the room and I realize there is someone in the main ballroom that was a big deal. When I take a look at the person I realize the person is familiar to me. How do I know this person? Was it someone from my past? It sure felt like it.

But no.

All of a sudden a thought pops in my head. A memory that I don't remember having. I recognize this person from tv. That's it. TV. The person was a big deal. A world-famous engineer, author, and entrepreneur. Someone who was just as big as any of those world famous names that came out of Silicone Valley. The next Rockstar billionaire inventor. One of the biggest people on the planet.

I walk over and offer my hand.

Mr. Masterson offers, "This is Cassius, my soon-to-be son-in-law. Cassius I would like you to meet one of the most famous people on the planet."

I look at this person. And for some reason, I feel like something's wrong. This person shouldn't be here. Should they?

The person leans into me, smiles and whispers, "Guess you bit the devil's apple too, huh?"

I don't know what she means but for some reason, I remember this person. I remember that this person should have been dead, but she wasn't. I have a feeling this person was a traitor. This person was a liar. This person leads us into an ambush.

Us?

Who was us?

What was I thinking about? I was so confused. Did I know this person or not. But then I remember a name. I remember the person's name. If I was right this would change everything. I wouldn't be crazy. There were memories in me and if I got this name right then maybe those memories weren't just dreams.

"Tessa?" I ask.

She nods and whispers, "So you're in there somewhere after all. A part of you stayed online...just like your father."

I was right. I knew this person and these memories weren't part of my dreams.

They were part of my nightmares.

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