Protection Chapter 2 by Angel Alexander angel@alex-net.freeserve.co.uk
This is a work of fiction. It is based on my life in a twisted surreal way. It is my first story but I had to write it at one point, now seems as good a time as any. If you have any comments please let me know.
The dying sunlight filtering into my bedroom, blinding me as I sat up suddenly. I had been woken prematurely. I took me a few moments to register what had happened. "Come in." I called standing up. Ben walked in. He looked stunning. He had put gel in his hair, I think. It could be seen as the light reflected off it. His eyes were dancing; I had previously thought them black, but now. Their seemed to be an almost navy tint to them, again only as they caught the light. His skin was like fresh snow through a myopic gaze. He stared at me for a moment. He looked away. "I'm sorry," I said, " I fell asleep, I'll be ready in a few."
"It's fine, I thought for a moment you had changed your mind." He was still averting his gaze as he spoke.
"You can look at me, I won't bite you, I don't think," As I said this I was tilting my head, trying to look at his face but only seeing his perfect profile, soft and yet strong. He seemed to take a breath. He turned, smiling meekly at me. My sister stormed in.
"What can I wear," she blurted out, glanced at Ben, staring at me, and then to myself, standing in my underwear. A grin crept across her face. "Is this an inopportune moment by any chance?" I think my entire body, not just my face, became a very unflattering crimson shade.
"What exactly are you getting at?" My tone was curt.
"Just being amusing, I seen to have failed though," Her response was equally curt. "But back to me, what am I going to wear. I mean, I can't look to stunning, which will be very difficult, I don't want any of that sort of attention, at the same time though I don't want to look like a tramp." Her voice carried an almost singsong quality to it.
Ben looked rather confused. "What do you mean 'that sort of attention'?"
"Look, I'd better be getting ready, see you." There was panic in my sister's voice, her foot in there and stuck, the previous melody gone, as she ran out of my bedroom as suddenly as she had arrived.
"Ben," I said softly, turning to face him. "Come and sit down," As he moved over and sat on my bed facing me I continued to speak. "I should have told you this before. I don't know why right enough, but I think I should have." I couldn't bring myself to look at him, I knew he was gay, he had to be, but still I couldn't look at his face.
"What's wrong, why won't you look at me?" he asked with deep concern, "What have I done?"
I lost my temper," Would you just listen to me, this isn't about you," I slowly started to cry as I finished the sentence. I hadn't cried since he held..... It had been a while. "I'm gay." It came out so softly through the tears. He got up and walked over to the window, I reached after him my hand stretched out, knowing I wasn't going to catch him. My fingers motioning in mid air, grasping aimlessly at it. What had I done?
"I can't believe it." His voice was full of emotion as he spoke, I couldn't make out what type but there was shock. I had stopped crying I just stopped dead staring at him, and I had stepped out of time. I must have been wrong about him. It was his turn to cry. He turned to me. His face was red as the water streamed down his cheeks. He was smiling. A wide open smile. He rushed over to the bed and knelt down in front of me. His hand touched my smooth white face I shivered; it had been as though it was the first time anyone had touched me. His grip was firm but gentle and caring. "I've waited a life time." He said. "I knew it would happen, I've been waiting so long. I've been dreaming about someone saying that to me. To say it out loud, to give me the confidence, I'm gay." His outburst seemed to contain laughter. "For the first time I feel clean. As though I've been brought back into the world afresh" His hand had now moved onto my rippling torso, curving round it slim side, his fingers skimming the toned muscle. I grabbed hold of him and held him close for a few moments.
I finally began to speak again. "The loneliness is gone," His hands were delicately stroking my broad shoulders. I embraced him fully. Feeling the warmth of another man in such away for the first time is something I will never forget. The jigsaw piece had been found, then he pulled away. For a moment I had seen my God, I knew what to believe in, the moment was gone in mist of time.
"What has this got to do with what your sister was saying?" He asked, shooting me a quizzical look.
"We're going to a gay bar." I blurted out, my stare hitting the floor as my face acquired an evil twisted grin.
"Well you'd better get ready, hadn't you," His tone was patronising; though I thought I detected a hint of nerves. I responded with a fake hurt look and plodded around my room looking for cloths, while instructing him how to make a fake ID. I had gathered some items of clothing and was standing looking in the mirror.
"What should I wear?" I said in the most whinging tone you can imagine. He spun round on the chair to face me.
"Well let me see," He said, "A fantastic slim body, well defined muscles, exceptional skin and my god what a package. Yeah that would do fine." The expression on his face was dead serious. He burst out laughing. My jaw was resting on my chest; I was lost for words. "The tight black trousers, with that gorge shiny silver top with the bottom few buttons undone, you'll look stunning." The laughter was still radiating through him. I simply nodded and started to dress. As I finished my sister returned, peaking round the door before entering.
"I everything okay?" She asked looking directly at nobody.
"No, it's a complete disaster!" I exclaimed staring at her.
"Why, What? I don't understand." She gasped. Sounding as though the world had been given two minutes to live.
"You. I can't believe you." I spoke in my most appalled tone. "You're wearing exactly the same as I am." I continued my voice now rather mocking.
"You little cow!" She lunged for me, knocking me onto the bed, pinning me down. "You had me really worried, you two are fine aren't you?
"But of course," I said with a broad smile as I walked over to Ben after she had let me go. He was facing me as I picked him up and hugged him, angel kissing him. He couldn't contain his laughter and had to pull away.
"Oh, dear God, that's all I needed to be subjected to." Angelica spoke in a rather too interested tone, "Next thing I'll be hearing is that you two are an item." She paused, "By the by I've ordered a taxi, it should be here very soon, so hurry up!"
Sure enough as we finished off getting ready a horn was heard from outside. We bundled out.
I sat in the car my face was pressed up against the window. I focused on the glass; my face stared back at me. I could see my rounded white reflection; my eyes were hollow, just black voids allowing me to see the streets we were driving through. There had been a sudden down pour and the rain lashed relentlessly against the unsheltered streets. I questioned myself. I felt as though I had taken a rather large step today, but what had I really accomplished? I had told someone I was gay, so were they and lets face it, he wasn't going to tell anyone. I had to. I was sick of guarding myself, sick of hiding away inside the person I was projecting for the world to see. "I'm going to tell them!" I exclaimed as Angelica and Ben suddenly stared at me. The statement wasn't supposed to be audible, but hey. "I'm going to tell them at school I'm gay." I had a sudden flash of reality, "Or at least I'm not going to lie about it anymore." My face felt expressionless as I spoke. "Will you help me?"
"As long as you're sure I will. Give it a day or two, just to make sure you can handle it, please?" My sister sounded as though she was pleading with me.
"I'll think it over, I will be careful." Speaking slowly I mulled it over for a while, in the silence of the car.
Ben was heard, interrupting my chain of thought. "I'll help you, you helped me I want to do the same." There was a lot of consideration as he spoke. I didn't understand what he meant by 'do the same' but I thanked him regardless.