Purgatory of Syn

Purgatory of Syn 17

17

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All Offenses are Purely...Intentional

            "What?" Jules said

            Jules of all people.  The nerve of this asshole.  I had been through this issue before.  I just didn't get along with gay people.  I didn't know what it was.  I just never did and now I was pissed.  How dare he talk?

            "You two are...a couple?" Wilson asked.

            They were looking at us with the most disgusted look.  Others in the cafeteria had heard it as well.  This wasn't the first time that things had happened like this.  It had happened with Sampson as well. 

I looked over at the rest of them, "Yeah all those who don't like it can take turns kissing my ass. The line starts over on my left."

A few boys looked like they were ready to throw up all of a sudden.

It was one thing to be gay, secretly in the South.  It was another thing to be in the middle of a lunch room holding the hand of another guy.  Juboo gave me this look that said he was a little bit overwhelmed by the response that we were getting.

In Bushwick, I had got a relatively good response.  Mostly no one gave a fuck.  I mean gay couples existed.  It wasn't so unknown.

Now...those stares...those stares...

Juboo pulled at my hand, "I think we should leave...um..."

"No. If they want to say something let them say something."

Wilson was the one to spoke, "This isn't...it isn't right you know that Juboo.  What will your Uncle say?"
He looked at Juboo.

Truth was I didn't know much about Juboo.  It was almost comical.  I didn't know much at all about him. 

He shrugged his shoulders.  They were all looking at us with this look.  This disgusted look.  Some of them were whispering something underneath their breath.  They were actually whispering something.

Damn punks.

I grabbed Juboo by his hand, "Come on."
I felt like I had to protect his feelings. He wasn't like me.  If I was alone, I would have stood there, got all those looks, but I looked over at Juboo.  He was breaking under the weight of it all. 

            We retreated to my room. He wasn't saying anything.  Juboo was just sitting around and fell heavily on my bed when he got into my room.  He laid on it, staring up at what used to be Etienne's bunk.

            I locked the door behind me. 

            "Don't let those guys..."

            "That's not it."

            "Then what is?"

            He got up from the bed and looked at me more intensely then ever, "I'm not scared of those guys Syn. I'm scared of you."

            "I wasn't the one staring at you like you were a Biblical leper."

            "Syn, you are a soldier," he continued to say, "Did you see me just now? You belong to me. You were going up against those guys and I just...froze.  I was supposed to be a man just now.  I was supposed to protect you.  How the hell am I going to do that when I freeze?"
"Protect me."
"Yeah, I'm your man."
I laughed. Who the hell was he talking to? I looked behind me.  It must have been April Fool's or something.

            "I'm nobody's Damsel in Distress.  Do I look like I need your protection?"

            "Syn..."
He shook his head, "You don't hear what they say about you.  People, people don't like you around here.  The teachers hate you, the students have been looking for a reason to show their hatred to you.  I won't any disrespect you."

            "Hey, I don't take it personal. Most everything that comes out of my mouth is an insult to these shallow minded people."

            "That's why you need a man."

            "You've been talking to Ty haven't you?"

            He paused.

            It sounded like something Ty would say.  This whole intense view on love was ridiculous.  Ty was a traditionalist in every sense of the word.  His idea of love was a fairytale.  Man save girl, man protect girl and then man marry girl.  Only thing, I wasn't a damn girl.  How did that theme apply to gay relationships?
"The stuff he was saying made sense," he replied.

            "What?"

            Juboo stopped for a minute, "I just...this is my first real relationship. I don't know what to do. I don't want to, fuck it up you know?  I feel like the more dominant one in the relationship should be able to protect..."

            "Dominant?"

            My mouth was dropping.  He really thought he was more dominant of me.

            "I mean, just you know.  By traditional means by dominant.  You know, I'm more masculine.  Yeah, I'm bigger then you, I'm stronger then you."

            "More masculine?" I laughed, "No one ever called me a sissy! This is hilarious."

            "Syn, don't make this into something."
"I'm not making it sound like anything," I replied and crossed my arms, "You are doing a good enough job fucking up yourself. I'm visualizing a BS sticker around your mouth right now."

            "Syn..."

            "Bullshit!"

            "Syn, are you just going to keep..."
"Bullshit!"
"AH!" he screamed and took a step forward and then he shook me, "See this is what I'm scared of. You don't respect me as a man.  You don't listen to me when I talk.  When are you going to stop being so guarded and let someone take care you."

            "How about never?" I asked with the biggest attitude I could muster, "Is never good for you? My schedules a little bit packed lately, but I'm willing to squeeze it in...just for you.  "

            I walked out of the room.

________________________________________________________________________

            In the battle of Love Vs. Syn, it was Love 0 and Syn 1.

            I walked the halls to realize what Juboo was talking about.  People really didn't like me.  It's crazy how that worked out sometimes.

            I was heading to class and right before class I saw Wilson.  I stopped him, holding my hand out.  He looked at me with this weird look like I was made out of some type of nuclear waste.  I ignored it as best as I could.

            "Listen,  I figured we should set a place for the whole witch meeting."

            "We already have a place."
"Huh?"

            "We have a place already."

            I shook my head, "No you don't Wilson.  No one talked to me about it."

            "Well," he said shrugging his shoulders, "We decided we'd have someone less-threatening on the stand.  Juboo is going to be the one throwing it."

            I couldn't believe this.  My mouth dropped in disbelief.  How was that even the slightest bit kosher?  It was my idea.  What the hell was Juboo going to do against a witch?  Was he going to sprinkle his legendary fairy dust on her? 

            How the hell was I threatening?
"Fuck you guys, I'll blow up that meeting.  All you'll see is damn small chuck o dickheads flying everywhere," I said walking away.

            He looked at me like I was crazy and I walked away.  I couldn't believe these motherfucking motherfuckers.  I wish I did have some dynamite.  How the hell does someone just step in and steal someone's shine like that?  It was like social plagiarism or something.

            Then I realized as I walked into class.

            "Oh, Juboo can you help me erase the top, I can't reach and you are so tall," Jules asked, reaching up. 

            I KNEW he wasn't going to fall for it.  Juboo nodded and smiled.  I KNOW he's not going to fall for it.  He took the eraser from Jules.  I watched as Jules checked out his ass from behind him in the front of the class as Juboo erased the board. What the fuck kind of shit was that?

            Is this how he wanted to be dominant?  Jules was so damn feminine so damn needy he would fit right into Juboo's whole scheme of being the dominant `needed' one.

            I grabbed a piece of chalk from the board and walked completely to the other side of the board making squiggly lines with the chalk.

            I looked over at Jules, "You missed a spot."

            He rolled his eyes at me and sighed.  Juboo and I exchanged looks but we didn't speak.  Of course he did what he usually did though.  He sat on the other side of the class.

            Jules finished erasing the board as Ms. Trials walked into the class.  She thanked him and he smiled.  What, now that Etienne was gone, was Jules the new teacher's pet or something?  Stupid faggot.

            Then I realized something that surprised the fuck out of me.

            Wilson and the others were sitting around laughing and joking...with JUBOO!  How the hell was that even possible!  Weren't they so against our relationship?  Didn't they hate him? What were all those nasty looks about then?

            Then it hit me.

            Those nasty looks weren't to Juboo...

            They were to me.

            "Hey Syn," Ty stated as he walked into the class and took his usual seat behind me.

            "Is it ok for the passive one to speak in public?" I asked.

            "What?"
"Don't play stupid Ty, I know you been over there coaching your new friend Juboo on," I continued.

            "I was just trying to help," Ty replied, leaning into me to whisper, "He's nervous.  You make him nervous."
"How YOU going to help him. I make you nervous too damn it."

            "Well we both know how it feels to have feelings for you," Ty continued, "We were just brainstorming...you know? He just wants to play the right role."
"So basically someone has to be the bitch."

            "I didn't say that, but he wants to be dominant.  You know it's just natural..."

            "Syn! Stop talking!"

            It was Ms. Trails.  She looked dead at me as though I was the only one talking.  What kind of shit was that? I KNOW she noticed Ty chatting his ass off.  I guess the entire school had really just had it out for me.  

            She started her lesson, going off about something that didn't even make sense.  She was actually making the topic of love seem like some bricked box that could be defined and all that.  She didn't understand how tough Love was.  I've been fighting love for a long fucking time and Love was a tough motherfucker. 

            "Hey," Ty said poking at me, "You mad. Me and Juboo, we have a lot in common.  We both feel like we need to protect you.  You know, look out for you.  We almost lost you in that mud..."
"Shh...I don't want to hear this bitch's mouth."

            He was quiet again.  I looked over at Jules.  Is that why he was like the way he was?  He was scared he was going to lose me like he almost did in the mud?  Truth was, I wasn't scared of death.  It was simple.  White light and then its over.  Love was the complicated thing.

            "Syn talk to him," Ty replied, "Ok. He's cool."

            "SYN!" Ms. Trials said turning around, "I'm so damn tired of your interruptions! Stop it! You hear me?"

            I looked around with my mouth open.  I didn't even say anything.

            "Actually," Ty said raising his hand, "That was me."
All of a sudden Ms. Trial's attitude seemed to break.  She was still sucking up to Ty ever since the whole affair with his father came to light.  I guess I would have sucked up to someone if I was responsible for the potential breaking up of their family.

"Oh Ty, it's fine," she said and then looked at me, "It's just Syn is just so common for his disturbances.  The notes I got from Peter, you would think Syn was the next Plato.  Then you come to class to see he's has no then a ruffian."

Ruffian?

She was really taking shots at me...for NO reason.  See, I hadn't even started with her today.  

"I have a lot of talent and vision.  It's the motivation to give a fuck about what you say that I lack," I say getting up, "I'm going to just start packing my stuff because you area bout to kick me out?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I have to be truthful," I said packing my stuff, "This entire school is fucked up.  You are a slut sleeping with your married boss.  People are hounding me for being gay but everyone thinks Jules here is just a darling even though he's the biggest fairy since the Sugar Plum. And if you haven't noticed I'm not a people person. According to you ma'am, switching my files with my fathers...I am crazy.  So allow me to reintroduce my SELVES..."

I got up out of the seat, grabbing some chalk and sliding it against the chalk board marking it up as I left.  I made sure there was enough on there that Jules would have to erase the board again and Ms. Trials would be annoyed.  I looked at the face of the students.  I could see Ms. Trials face getting red.

Everyone was pissed off; my work here was done.

            I found myself walking to see Psycho Bitch.  God, at this rate I would be a 40 year old senior in high school.  Oh well.  It's not like people went to school for the education.  People went to school to get jobs.  They didn't want the jobs either truthfully.  They just wanted to the paychecks...so they could feed their useless habit.

            I didn't have a problem bowing out of the system.

            Fuck Education.

            I knew what I needed to know to survive in this world.  Everything else was for the birds. 

            I didn't knock as I walked into Loma's hut.  I wasn't surprised that he was there, reading a newspaper.  Psycho bitch was on the other side of the room, tearing up a teddy bear like she was lioness in the jungle.  She noticed me and ran toward me instantly.

            "Greetings..."

            He spoke in his slow, retarded way as usual. I couldn't believe I was

related to this man.  He was my damn grandfather.  GOD, why couldn't someone change the channel?

            "Uh huh," I replied.  I really didn't want to converse with him.  I just came to check up on my doggie.  She jumped up on my lap and then the bitch went to sleep.  What kind of fat ass...lazy ass shit...

            "She's been active all day."

            "Bitch, wake up.  I just came to visit you," I said and realized she wasn't responding till I lowered my mouth to her ears and screamed, "Wake up!"

            She jumped up and ran halfway across the room.  You would think she was doing a damn bomb drill or something.  I couldn't stop laughing.

             "That's not funny. Scaring old dogs."

            "It's funny to me," I said rolling my eyes.  I hated talking to old people. I felt like I would inherit his wrinkles or something.  I started patting on the floor, calling Psycho out.  Slowly but surely she started to creep back out of the table and walk towards me.  She was moving slow as hell.  The bitch was sleepy.

"Hey Syn?"

            "You still here?" I asked Lomas.

            Damn, it was his work hut.  I guess he would still be there.  I wish he wasn't though.

            "Yeah," he said and then started out, "You think maybe we can spend some time together.  You are my grandson, after all.  Plus me and your dad were never close to..."

            All of a sudden he stopped talking. I sneered.

            He had went into one of his spells again.  He had become the living gargoyle.

            Good.

            I went over to him.  I might as well get his keys and go sneaking around the school.  Hell, I damn sure found some good material last time.

            Just as I reached for his keys he came back alive and screamed out, "AH!"

            I almost fainted.

            I jumped back almost three feet and slipped, busting my ass on the floor.  All of a sudden this old man started laughing.  What the hell?  No, he wasn't the only one, the dog started laughing at me too. 

            "You think that's funny, Grandpa Special Ed?"

            "Special Ed?  If I'm crazy then what does that make you?  You have my genes," he replied, "And I know you hear what they say about you."

            I shook my head.  Loser.

            "Whatever," I say turning around, "It's not like I give a fuck.  Say no when they give you the padded room."

            "Same thing your father said."

            I stopped.

            I turned back around towards the crazy old man. 

            "I'm nothing like my father, ok," I replied, "Syn is his own person.  Just because the rest of my family see pink elephants walking around doesn't mean I am. I'm normal..."

            "Normal?" he said and laughed, "Now Syn..."

            I stopped for a minute.  He was right.  Shit.  I had to laugh a little at that one myself, before I caught myself and realized I was here laughing with a man who believed he was the statue of David every couple of hours.

            "I'm normal in my own head," he explained.

            "Sit down...let me tell you something."

            I thought about it.  Why the hell was I listening to him?  I knew why he wanted to talk.  He wanted a family bond.  What the hell was that useful for? 

            I sat in the seat however.  Hell, why not listen to crazy talk for a little while. 

            "What do you have to say?"

            "You think I'm crazy Syn?"

            "Hell-to-the-yes."

            "Why?"

            "Look at you.  You mistake me for my father every other sentence.  You have no sense of time.  Your mind stops working for no particular reason."

            "Yes, but what defines crazy these days?" he asked, "I can function see.  I've living.  The only way to go is the psycho path."

            "What?"

"You heard me.  It's in to be a little bit loose in your bolts."
I looked at him with serious concern, "Hm...crack is really one hell of a drug isn't

it?"

            "You are going to be just like me," he smiled and laughed and begun to rock in his chair, "I know it.  But there's nothing wrong see.  I show how crazy I am so they can leave me alone.  They do though.  You...you have the chance to embrace the fact that you're different.  Einstein was crazy you know?  Emily Dickenson was crazy. So what our lights flicker sometimes? You antenna doesn't always have to get all the channels.  Sometimes it could get different channels.  Like yours got Logo, the gay channel.  You know? "

            "You really are crazy...aren't you."

            "Just making some talk."

            "This is REALLY what you consider bonding?" I asked.

            I didn't know how to react.  This was weird, but in a funny way.  This man was really sitting here bonding with me about the fact that we were both a little nutty?  Well I guess little would be an understatement.

            "Yeah it is," he admitted bluntly.

            "Hm...I like that...we should do it again."

            I got up satisfied with the fact that my grandfather was a complete wacko.  It could be worse.  I saw that already by the fact that my grandmother was a voodoo devil lady. 

            People were disappearing.

            No one liked me.

            Still the worst thing ever...the worst thing ever was this feeling in my chest.  The feeling in my chest as I stood outside of class and watched Juboo come out.  He probably didn't expect me to come see him after the class was over.   He looked so excited.  Like the cornball that I was becoming, I was excited that he was excited.  He had those sexy eyes surrounded by that dark skin.  HI hadn't known I was going to see him after the class was over either.  The feeling I felt when he smiled, with this wide grin. 

            He whispered into my ear, "I'm sorry baby."

            Damn it. He was going to pull me in the corner again.  I tried to fight him off, but my body didn't agree.  I went into the corner and he started to kiss me and I started kissing him back.  I felt surrounded at that time with him.

            That was the worst.

            The fact that I was falling in love with this boy. That feeling was the worst part.

            Syn 1...Love 1.  Great we were tied.

            "Syn..."

            Someone had witnessed me there with Juboo kissing me.  The voice was relatively very familiar.   I turned around...Pause...

Let's discuss this for a second.

 You know in the battle of love, you have to watch out for old injuries.  Love is a sneaky little bastard.  When you get it down, you got to keep it there.  You can't play around with it.  It's hard to beat. 

It does unexpected shit, kind of like the war on Terror.  How do you fight someone who isn't afraid to die? Love has that fearlessness too.  It's one hard son-of-a-bitch to kill. 

Don't turn around once you shoot it with the rifle.  Kick it. Stomp it!  Spit on it! Yeah, that's right! Spit on it!  I'm warning you.  Make sure that shit is dead.  Don't just assume because you got it down, that it's dead.  No...it's like Jason.  One shot isn't enough.  Burn the body into ashes. Take the ashes and stomp on them. Grind them up.  Then whatever is left on fire again.

Get the point.

Make sure love is dead.

Cause love just set me up like I was a goddamn loser.  As soon as I turned around, I saw someone.  I saw someone that I could have sworn I'd never see again.

That person was, "Sampson..."

He looked at me.  He was dressed in a suit...a whole damn tuxedo.  Hadn't anyone realized a motherfucker with a tuxedo walking in.  Was this a dream?  No...Sampson was here, in my boarding school with a tuxedo on.

Love 2...Syn 1...

The table had turned.  I was losing.