Warning::: The following narrative describes sexual situations with homosexual themes. If this is not what you wish to read or if you are legally encouraged to avoid such materials, use your back button now! The author makes no money for this submission, please help protect intellectual property. Thanks for doing your part.
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Alan R
Quarterback: From the Inside Chapter 4
"Uncle Jake!," Vicky's greeting rang out in a high tenor causing Jake to yank the receiver away from his suddenly ringing ears. He massaged them gingerly before returning the offensive device.
"It's good to hear you, too, Bubbles...I think. " The two rarely progressed to the use of dialogue to express their feelings for each other. They had maintained an uncanny sense of connection, especially in recent years. Jake's thoughts raced through the events of his early college years and the anchor this very special niece had provided in the darkest days of his life. But those years were behind him now and he gained no advantage for dwelling on the blights of yesteryear. The weekly Saturday evening calls, however, were a welcome tradition both of them cherished as a silvery thread from those dark days.
"Uncle Jake...I'm so glad you called, I need to talk to you. I need your advice."
"Oh?," the concern was evident in Jake's voice. "Are you ok?"
Jake's question of concern broke the haze of confusion that had suddenly captivated his anxious niece. "OK?....yea, ...I'm sorry, there's no crisis...I just..., I just want some help sorting out some feelings."
Jake smiled. He'd been worried about his niece's apparent lack of interest in forming any intimate relationships; could he hope that things were changing? Many times he'd thought to raise a concern with her and offer his support if needed, but he'd never found a suitable avenue to initiate such unsolicited assistance. For a time, he'd thought Vicky may have had a burgeoning romance with her friend, Matt, but at a summer weekend family gathering he'd recognized the almost visible borders that defined their friendship.
"Well, I will be delighted to help. It's not often my uncharacteristically brilliant niece asks for advice from her hopelessly doting and unwitting uncle." A smile pierced the distance. "I've often wondered if your intellectual gifts indicate a mysteriously superior lineage." Vicky beamed at her uncle's shameless and boyish attempts to humor her. The depths he was grateful to reach in order to please her were a hallmark of the affection she reserved for him as her dearest family mentor.
Jake was pleased with the quiet laugh that echoed his reply, easing the conscious walls of doom that accompanied this usually light reunion. He proceeded to advance the course of her request. "So, enough of the small stuff, you've peaked my curiosity. I don't know what advice I can give you, but I definitely want to hear what's on your mind."
Chills coursed Vicky's spine anew as the inevitable unveiling of her insecurities loomed. Choosing to speak to Uncle Jake was undeniably the easiest course toward addressing her fears, but illuminating them with an open discourse was almost more terrifying than she thought she could bear.
"I think I'm in love with Matt..."
Minutes passed, so it seemed, since Vicky exposed the source of her plea. It had only been a moment, but Jake was sure he felt her sensing his uncertainty. "Hadn't he dismissed this thought? Hadn't he seen the reservations between the two close friends that closed a door on romance?" Jake had learned well the limits of testing relationships and feared the repercussions of an ill-timed announcement of thoughts or feelings that may not be expected.
"You're in love with Matt. (sigh) I see..."
Vicky heard the sudden gasp as realization donned on Jake and he struggled to accept and support her proclamation and request for guidance. He knew her well. Such a bold step would not be taken lightly and Jake realized that he'd been granted an important opportunity. Jake loved Vicky dearly and this moment of uncertainty could impact their relationship just as deeply as he feared it might impact her relationship with her closest friend and confidante.
"Have you talked to him?" The moment had passed. Vicky relaxed in the realization that her uncle had accepted her call for help.
"Not yet, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I haven't come to terms with my feelings completely. I know something is changing, but I've never been in love. How can I know if that's what I feel? How can I know how he feels, or how he would respond to something that may change our relationship...that would change our relationship? I'm afraid of losing him."
Vicky heard her uncle's laugh, followed by a sigh of resignation. She knew that what she was asking him would place a great burden on him to come to her aid, to assist her in finding answers. She felt his compassion and his desire to repay her for debts he felt he owed... for assistance she'd been eager to provide when his weaknesses had been exposed. Her heart swelled in recognition of his concern.
"Wow, you don't bring the easy pitches do you, bubbles?", he hesitated. "I don't know... maybe you shouldn't completely expose your relationship to him, Vicky. I don't know that you understand your feelings well enough, yet. You're fear of losing him concerns me. I believe it's important to consider your instincts."
Vicky listened quietly in contemplation.
Jake's tone lightened. "You know...you do know Matt pretty well, though, and you're much attuned to others' feelings. Tell me, do you believe Matt is sensing changes in your relationship as well? Do you think he's noticed changes in your feelings? If he's noticed changes, you may be able to probe a conversation with him...find out how he feels without exposing your dilemma.
Whatever you choose to do, it seems to me that you need to take small steps. This is a bold move, that's why you're feeling insecure. That's why you've come to me. You and I have learned to read each other, to sense and respect our feelings and support each other. You can count on me for that, my dear. Our relationship changed, too, not so very long ago and you remember what many of those days were like. You can find your way again. You proved to me then that you were a brave and a compassionate soul, Bubbles, and I love you dearly for who you are. You can believe in that same sense of strength within yourself today, and you can believe in your ability to gauge what's right. Trust in yourself to make the right decisions, babe. The important thing is to find a path within yourself, to understand who you are and what you need first, and then to seek the steps that will lead you. Just do the right thing, Vic. Find it within yourself and do what's right. I believe you'll know what to do when the time to know comes. I wish I could tell you more. I wish there was a clear course I could give you..."
"It's not going to be easy, is it Uncle Jake?," the fear rose within her.
"Probably not, Bubbles, but the great things in life usually aren't... easy...anyway. That's what makes us appreciate and want them more. But you CAN do this,... you can figure this out..., and anything I can do to help you is done. You know that, right?"
"Yea..., you rock, Uncle Jake. Uncle Jake?"
"hmm?"
"Thanks... thanks for being there. When I called you,... I thought I wanted you to give me answers. I was almost disappointed when you left the ends open. I think I know, though, that you're giving me the power to make my own way. I think I see how much you really care. I love you, Uncle Jake."
Vicky heard something like a reply when her uncle closed the connection. She couldn't know that he'd remember it as the most important conversation he ever had... with his favorite girl.
"I made the call," she thought. Her fears receded...
Meanwhile, on opposite ends of town, Matt and Eric were fighting their solitary demons and searching for answers of their own.
Matt had run from the park in a panic. He didn't know how he'd gotten here and hadn't consciously thought of anyone else since he'd left. Now, hours later, he wandered aimlessly, wondering. He'd run this way because this is where he always came when he felt he wasn't big enough to face things alone. To Vicky. Vicky picked him up and made him stronger. She always knew how to bring out the things inside him that made him able to handle things, to have confidence in himself. But here he was, wandering in her general direction but unable to commit to facing her. What would she say? What would she do if he told her what he'd done?
He was exhausted. "How could she accept him if he wasn't what she thought he was, if he wasn't `normal?'" He'd almost convinced himself that Vicky would accept him without conditions; that she always had, and not just him. He'd met her Uncle Jake and Vicky had explained their relationship and how dear to her Uncle Jake was. She'd explained how she loved him and loved and accepted his partner as an extension of him and a part of who he was. "Wouldn't she do the same for him?" But in Matt's eyes, the situation was not the same. This wasn't a family member who Vicky had already accepted for who he was before she'd actually heard him admit it. This was her best friend. This was the person who joked with her about others' suspicions that they were a couple. This was the best friend who'd noticed a change in their relationship of late and who had planned to ask her about her feelings in the hopes of being the kind of friend to her that she had always been to him. This was Matt. "How could she love him...how could she ever feel the same about him again?"
Eric sat in his room wondering what had happened to Matt. After an uncharacteristic fascination with the vision of a gallant warrior from the evening before and the chance meeting on a morning run. His visions of connecting with this budding idol were once again vanquished by an unpursuable retreat. "Why had Matt run? Was Matt gay? Who were the boys on the lakeside? Had Matt known them? Had he called out a name?"
Eric was not used to his feelings overpowering him and capturing his consciousness like the events of the past two days. He was generally adept to maintain a quiet rationality of events, an ability to maintain distance. But he was incapable of controlling recent events or his reactions to them and this alone was a grave concern. Additionally, Eric was yet unsure of exactly how he felt for this blond god of the gridiron. He wanted to extend the meeting of earlier today, to get to know him. Alas, unexpected events had cast a pall on their peaceful interlude and the gloom of unknowing once again engulfed him. He didn't even know where to start. How could he contact Matt again? Would Matt even allow him to reconnect after the events of this morning?
Slowly, Matt resumed his plodding journey. His mind was made up. He'd go see Vicky. He'd tell her about the mysterious foe of the previous evening, the chance meeting in the morning, and what they'd seen. "Why had he run? Why did he have these feelings? Why did he want to do to Eric what he'd seen in the secret rendezvous by the lake? Could Vicky accept what he was feeling? Could she accept him, if he was not what she'd thought...if he was not what he thought?"
Eric's vision by the lake returned to his haunted consciousness. He'd imagined Matt doing to him what he'd seen the two boys in the wood doing...it was almost as if Matt imagined it, too.
"What would have happened if it were really true?," ...they wondered.