Queer Fear Chapter 5
Chapter 5
"Help...!"
My head feels light. I'm running up to the camp and I've run so fast from the docks that I buckle over when I get to the camp. My plain white t-shirt is dripping. I'm not sure if my shirt is dripping from sweat or if it's from getting splashed when Omari was attacked. All I know is every part of me is soaking when I get to camp but my mouth. My mouth is dry from screaming so hard.
The other counselors come out and I'm so tired that I can hardly talk when all 10 of the other counselors are outside looking at me.
"Not him again," Shaquille grunts.
A bunch of the others seemed annoyed too. It's nighttime and I'm assuming I must have woken some people up with my screaming by the tired look on some people's faces. Those who didn't look tired looked annoyed.
I struggle to get the words out, "Its Omari..."
"What about him?"
"The boy in the Hood got him..."
"Got him how?" Page asks.
"We were in a canoe together and something came out of the water and pulled him in."
"Why the hell would he be in a canoe with you in the middle of the night?" Shaquille asks.
People are squinting at me. They keep staring at me instead of running back to the lake and trying to figure this out. I had a whole different experience in mind when I ran over to try to tell the others what happened. I figured they would be just as concerned as I am. The only person that has a wide-eyed look is Elias.
"Him and I...have a history," I utter.
I get laughter in return.
"You trying to say Omari was gay like you?" Anais asks.
"Omari said that he was obsessed with him," Shaquille responds in return, "Didn't he say that Elias?"
My face is flushed with embarrassment as Omari's other friend Elias, who I hadn't heard really talk much, nod in agreement. I'm standing there completely surprised that Omari would say something like that but then I see Chad's face. I knew the face. The face was an "I told you so" sort of face.
Shaquille, taking Elias's head gesture as validation turns to me and continues to lay into me, "Omari is my best friend and I promise you he isn't some fag sneaking off with a drama queen in the middle of the night."
"Watch your fuckin mouth bro..." Chad gives Shaquille this threatening look.
I knew it was only a matter of time before he would come to my defense, but this time was different. I shouldn't have needed anyone to come to my defense. I needed help.
"No fuck that. Your boy is a liar!" Shaquille barks back.
It looks like things are going to get heated between the two. I literally throw my body between them so they don't get distracted by some petty beef going on between the two camps. It was beginning to feel like it was Chad, Alimah and I against the rest of the camp counselors. I hated the divide but if anything can reunite us...even just for a minute it should have been the disappearance of one of their own. Right?
I didn't understand why they weren't believing me. I didn't understand why all my words were going on deaf ears.
"Omari is still out there!" I call out.
Crickets. No one was budging. I felt anxious to the point that I was having a hard time breathing. Alimah is at my side before I know it. She knew the signs by now that I was having one of my anxiety attacks.
"Calm down...breathe," Alimah reaches over and clutches at my chest.
She places her hand on my back and starts to mimic some breathing techniques as thought that would help in that situation. I didn't need breathing techniques. In these moments I needed to know that someone believed me.
Chad, seeing me bent over in pain and confusion decides to open his mouth and say, "My friend has been through a lot. That doesn't mean you all need to be attacking him right now."
What. The. Fuck.
"Chad!"
"Relax man, I'm trying to help YOU out here," he says.
I'm so confused. Why wasn't Chad defending the substance of what I said? I knew that Chad was talking about my fainting spell.
"EVERYONE...listen to me," I say, "If you don't want to believe he was gay that's fine...but...where is he now? There is a killer on the loose..."
I get laughter in return.
It was at that moment I see Shaquille wrap his arm around Anais.
"I told y'all he was crazy," Anais muses next to Shaquille.
I should have known that she had been spreading rumors about me. From the look on everyone's faces, it seems like they are believing her lies. They all look at me like I have three heads and then see a few of them turning back completely ignoring me. It was as though I just told them I saw an alien by how quickly I'm dismissed.
They all go back into their lodges until the only people left outside are Alex, Alimah, Chad and surprisingly Elias, Omari's friend.
Elias gives me this weird look, "Are you serious? About the boy in the hood?"
"Of course I am. Why didn't anyone believe me?"
Alex shakes his head, "Because Omari said goodbye to everyone at dinner. He said that he was flying back with Nurse Lani. It was a big thing. If you and your friends didn't segregate yourself from everyone you would have known that."
"He changed his mind..." I remember from the conversation that I had with Omari.
"Why would he do that?"
"Because I wasn't going," I state.
Alex looks over at Chad and Alimah. Both of them stare at the ground. They don't have to say a word but I can tell from their reactions. They were embarrassed by me at that moment.
It's Chad who sighs and says, "Jarvis...his stuff is gone."
I'm confused, "He must have put it somewhere. Maybe someone took it. Maybe the boy in the hood took his stuff to hide the crime or..."
I am talking so much that the words start to run into each other. The more I talked the more it sounded like the ramblings of a mad man. Seeing how everyone was reacting to me made me question my own sanity.
Had I imagined all those things?
"There is no crime Jarvis..." Alex states, "I didn't want to have to do this but I'm going to have to write you up."
"Write me up?" I ask wondering if I'm losing my mind, "Are you all out of your mind?"
Alimah shakes her head, "Jarvis you're only making this worse."
"Call the helicopter back. I want to leave----"
Alex gives me this exhausted look, "That's not a possibility. A storm is coming in tomorrow and we've wasted enough money off your exaggerations. Sleep on it, Jarvis and if you still want to leave we can have you sent back when the kids arrive."
"That's not for a couple of days."
"That's the point."
~
I can't sleep that night. I stay up staring out of the window just in case the boy in the hood comes back. I keep having thoughts about that night. I keep having thoughts of me in that boat with Omari and how quickly the boy in the hood grabbed him and dragged him into the water. It was almost as though the boy in the hood had been sitting there waiting. It was almost as though the boy in the hood had followed us out into the water.
"You can't sleep either?"
I turn and see Elias, Omari's friend. He has walked over to my side of the room. He almost scared the shit out of me as he showed up.
"You guys don't understand what's happening," I fell Elias, "No one believes me."
"I do..."
I turn to him sort of confused. Elias is standing there with his arms crossed. His face looks pale. There was a reason that he was up. As he stands there I just look back at him completely confused by what is happening.
"You do?"
"A few nights ago...me and Omari went to the edge of the forest. And we saw this figure moving out in the woods. It freaked us out and we couldn't see the face of this person just standing there. But the person was interested in Omari...not me. I could just tell. I just knew. Omari was who he wanted..."
"The boy in the hood."
Elias looks scared. He doesn't even seem to be able to say the words. Elias just nods, slowly.
After a few awkward moments, he takes a deep breath, "I warned him not to go looking. I warned him that maybe the stories were all true..."
I swallow my spit.
"He didn't believe you, did he?"
Elias removes the hair away from his face. He is attractive. He's more attractive than I remember when Omari was here. Omari was the kind of guy that sucked all the oxygen out of the room. Guys like Shaquille and even Elias were just small shadows to him at times. He has this long hair that goes to his shoulders that has these little waves in them. When he moves the hair away from his face I can see his face more clearly.
"He went into the forest...and...and I think he saw the face of the boy in the hood," Elias states.
"Yo----"
We are interrupted. It's Chad. Chad is staring up from his bed. He gives Elias this real harsh look. I knew that Chad wouldn't want me up talking about this.
"We were just----" Elias starts.
"I know what you're doing. You're trying to scare my friend," Chad cuts him off, "You mind letting him get some rest. He needs it."
Elias looks over at me. He then looks over at Chad.
"Sure..." he states.
I can tell he isn't the same kind of guy as Shaquille or even Omari for that matter. He wasn't with the confrontation. Chad definitely was and I knew that Chad could be a little intimidating especially now that he had the body to back up all that mouth he always had.
As Elias walks away I grab him.
"Wait...why were you and Omari by the edge of the forest in the first place?" I ask.
Elias looks over at Chad. It's clear that Chad is trying to go back to sleep and can't hear our conversation or at least doesn't seem like he can hear our conversation.
Elias shrugs his shoulders, "What do you think? Same reason you were alone with him..."
The way he says it makes it very clear what they were doing out alone that night. I don't know why I feel so stupid at that moment. Omari was playing me for a fool. He didn't have some grand awakening that he wanted me. It was all about sex with him.
He was probably fucking Elias the entire time.
I sigh a little bit and let Elias walk off to the other side of the lodge to fall asleep. I climb up to my bunk bed...confused about it all.
I get even more confused when I hear someone climbing up on the bunk with me. The person is slow, steady, being careful not to scare me but none-the-less I almost freak out grasping at the covers and turning around quickly!
"Relax..." Chad says, "It's just me."
"What the hell are you doing?" I ask.
My best friend gets in bed with me. He looks over at me and I look over at him.
"What's it look like. I'm sleeping with you."
He doesn't have anything on except for some boxers. His big coke bottle dick is folded in those things and the thing piece of cloth wasn't really doing anything to hide it. I take a deep breath when I turn around and feel his hard chest up against my back. All I had to do was adjust my ass a little bit and I'd feel him. I held perfectly still hoping not to move and get turned on by all of this. He doesn't touch me as he climbs into my bed, save his chest.
"I don't need a babysitter."
"Did I say I was your babysitter?"
"You don't even believe that I was attacked tonight so why you here?"
"Did I say I didn't believe you?"
I turn around and face him. It's the middle of the night and everyone is probably asleep again. It's just him and me alone. The darkness of the lodge seems to make it feel like he was even closer to me than he was, which was hard because we were on a twin-sized bed. When I turn I realize just how attractive he is in the darkness. The moonlight highlights all the right parts of his body, including his smile.
"You believe me?" I ask.
"I don't know what to believe," he states, with breath so fresh that I am lost in the inhaling of it, "I do know that Omari was attracted to you..."
"I wouldn't lie about that...I was just confused as everyone else that he was."
"Why were you confused about that?" Chad asks, "You're smart, you're attractive and you're not stuck up about it. Those are traits anyone would be happy to have. A guy like Omari---all he has is his looks. He was attracted to the big picture that you are."
Hearing Chad say these nice things about me makes my stomach uneasy. It doesn't make it uneasy in a bad way. It's just nice to know someone...even if it's just my best friend...felt these things about me.
"I should have listened to you and kept away from him."
"I always thought that it was weird him saying he wanted to leave when you wanted to leave," he states, "Sounded like he just wanted some time alone with you if you ask me."
"He didn't leave, Chad. I don't know what happened to his stuff, but you got to believe me. He changed his mind because I changed my mind."
Chad stops talking for a minute. I don't know why it mattered so much that he believed me. I don't know why it mattered.
"OK."
"OK?"
Chad nods, "OK I believe you. Tomorrow I'll call my dad. He'll find a way to get us a private helicopter to get us the fuck out of here. You, me and Alimah."
"You'd do that."
Chad smiles a bit at me. The way he does it sends these chills all through my body. I hated the fact that he was able to give me chills.
"I'd do anything for you," Chad responds.
He smiles a bit and I turn around. This time he spoons me. He spoons me close, and personal. I feel everything. I feel his dick up against my ass. I feel his warm arms pulling me closer. The thing was though it wasn't even sexual when I did it. He made me feel safe. He made me feel like no one out there can get me, whether it was the storm or whether it was some boy in a hood.
"If you were gay you'd be the perfect boyfriend," I whisper in the darkness...
There is a pause.
"Can you tell that to Alimah?"
We're spooning at this moment and Chad can't help himself. He has to bring up Alimah.
"What is it about her?"
"She's misunderstood. She's broken," he shrugs, "I guess I have something for helping broken people..."
"Hence why you're spooning me now..."
"I am not in your bed because I feel sorry for you," he explains, "I'm in your bed because you're my best friend. You're a good looking guy. I just hate that you settle for scum like Omari. These DL guys do the same thing to you over and over. You deserve someone better."
"Like someone who stands up for me, someone who listens to me," I state, "Someone who spoons in bed with me when I'm afraid."
I turn to him.
Chad looks at me.
That's when I do it. I kiss him. I kiss him hard. My lips mesh onto his. We look at one another and there is this spark that I swear builds up and for a moment I think he's going to kiss me back. He hadn't pushed me away yet so I swear he's going to allow me to put my tongue in his mouth. But just as his lips begin to part open, he pulls back.
"Jarvis---c`mon," he whispers in the darkness.
"Oh, my bad. I have to play the statistic of the horny gay friend who is starting to crush on the caring straight one."
I felt like a cliche. I felt stupid. That's when he grabs my head and pulls me close. He doesn't kiss me, not again, but he keeps our heads close at this point.
"I don't know what I am sexually," he tells me.
"What?"
"Is that so weird to say?" he asks, "I always thought I was straight but then sometimes with you, I get so protective. And I know I say things to you that seem gay. I know I do things that other people would consider suspect. And I don't care. I don't look at things as gay or straight."
I pause.
"So why don't you kiss me...really kiss me..." I state before taking a deep breath, "And you know? Find out?"
With what happened at the Lake this might be my last time to tell Chad exactly how I felt. Omari was dead here. Chad had always been there for me. He had always been the person who understood me.
"Alimah."
"Jesus Christ, Chad," I state, "I go around trying to find the closest thing to you in a gay man for all this time and all you can do is think about Alimah."
"I can't help how I feel."
I pause. I think about the letter that Alimah wrote to me. I think about how into me she was. Apart from me wants to tell him right now but then I keep thinking about how complicated that would continue to make things for all of us.
"You ever wonder if Alimah isn't the one for you?" I ask.
He pauses, "I almost gave up. But then something weird happened between us..."
"What?"
"She agreed to go out with me..."
I pause. I'm so confused.
"She did?"
He nods, "I don't want to ruin a shot that I might have with her. I know it sounds dumb but her and me are best friends. I have everything in common with her. She is the kind of girl that I could really see myself growing with. Do you know? The kind of woman that I can see myself having kids with. Kids are important to me..."
Kids. Something that a man couldn't give him.
I nod, "I get it..."
He pauses. He keeps studying my expression waiting for me to say something else but I have nothing else to say. I got it. I got it more than he could know.
I got it because exactly how he felt about Alimah was how I was beginning to feel about him. Why hadn't I noticed all this time just how special Chad really was.
After a few seconds, he whispers, "Do you want me to get out of your bed?"
"No. No, I want you to stay."
I was falling for Chad. I hated to admit it, even to myself but it was happening. The cliche trope that I had spent so long fighting against was happening. I had spent so much time looking for Chad-lite that I hadn't paid attention to the fact that the real Chad was in front of my face all along. He cared. He wouldn't ever play me.
Anywhere that Chad went was where I felt safe. And luckily Chad was willing to get us the fuck out of Camp Crystal Lake.
~
It's storming when we wake up. The wind is so powerful it shifts the trees and the water is pouring out of the sky in buckets. Getting to the dining lodge for breakfast is an entire struggle and by the time I get there, I'm beyond stroke. I walk into the breakfast hall and it feels like I have a spotlight on me.
Anais and the other counselors immediately stop talking completely and everyone is watching me...
Page, who's in charge of cooking hands me my tray with this look on her face. It's clear that I'm not only welcomed here but that people are uncomfortable with me even being around. The truth was that I knew what I saw. And no one was going to change that.
"Wassup buddy..."
The voice came from Chad. Chad did believe me, or at least he cared about me enough to lie about believing me. I wasn't sure which was the case yet. None-the-less he greets me with a smile as I walk. He makes it extra wide. I wish I could say Alimah was that welcoming but she just keeps her face completely still.
"Is the helicopter still going to come in the storm?" I ask Chad as soon as I sit down.
"Helicopter?" Alimah asks.
Chad explains for me, "I promised Jarvis as soon as I could, I was going to get us all out of here..."
"I don't want to leave," Alimah states.
"Are you kidding me?" I ask, "There is a killer out there. What part of KILLER don't you guys understand..."
Alimah looks at me and her voice softens as though she's talking to a child, "We all have a little anxiety being in such a creepy place."
"You don't even want to be here," I state.
"I changed my mind," Alimah states.
"Was there before or after those girls started picking on you..."
I had seen the lengths that Anais and the other girls would too. They weren't going to let it go that James chose Anais, even with him dead now. It's almost as though things had gotten worse now that he was dead. Now they didn't have jealousy to hide behind. Now they were just being cruel for cruelty's sake. The fact that Alimah wanted to stick around in this environment completely blows my mind.
"I figured I'd stay and face them," Alimah states, "What's running away from our problems, going to do Jarvis? They always find us. Aren't you tired of playing the victim."
I lean across the table to Alimah, "Maybe you didn't hear me the first couple times so I'm going to make myself clear. There is a killer on the loose."
"So you say..."
"Alimah---- don't..."
"Tell him what you're really running from," Alimah says to me.
I'm confused, "Alimah, I said it a million times what I'm running from."
"You're running from me," Alimah butts in.
She crosses her arms and leans back. I give her a wide-eyed look and try to figure out what she's talking about. It isn't until she pulls out letters from her pockets and slams them on the table that I have the faintest clue what she was going on about.
"You think I want to leave because of the love letters..."
"What love letter?" Chad asks.
Things get awkward at that moment. Really awkward. I look over at Chad. He looks at Alimah who stares down at the ground and then looks at me. Chad was in love with Alimah. I knew that much. I knew the idea of her writing love letters to someone else was something he would hate. I didn't know however what it would do to him if he found out the love letter was for me.
"I wrote you several," she states, "I've always been afraid to send them. I've always been afraid of rejection..."
"What's this about?" Chad asks.
He leans over and grabs one of the letters. I see him reading them. I don't know what's going through his head but I feel awkward seeing him skim through the letters. Alimah must have had at least 10 unsent letters. Chad's eyes grow a little wide as he goes through the letters. He keeps slamming them down one after the other. When he is done he just sits there. He just sits there silently and I know that things have gone from bad to worse even without him saying a word.
"Wow," he states after a really, really long pause, "First James and now Jarvis."
Alimah shakes her head, "I'm not going to apologize for who I like..."
I look at Chad's face. Alimah wasn't even pretending to deliver this news in a soft way. She was so damn abrupt with it that I can almost see her words cutting into Chad. He taps his orange juice at that moment and I see him getting up from off the table.
"Wait, Chad," I try to stop him.
I grab onto his wrist and he pulls away.
"You knew about this?" he asks.
"Yes----" I admit.
"After all, I fucking shared with you?" Chad asks, "What the fuck!"
Chad was pissed. I knew he was.
"This isn't important can we please just leave..." I state, "We can talk about all this later point when we're all safe."
Alimah shakes her head, "I understand you're having a bit of an issue with anxiety..."
I was kind of sick of Alimah at this point. She wasn't only making it hard for Chad to decide to leave but she was also throwing a wrench in my relationship with Chad by revealing her crush on me.
I don't realize how loud I am. Everyone in the cafeteria turns to look at me. That's when the thunder cracks in the sky almost at the exact same time.
The power goes completely out!
I turn at that moment and there is a KNOCKING on the door of the dining lodge! The knocking is as loud as the thunder.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
My heart settles in my stomach when I hear the knocking at the dining door. The others are so nervous that they jump up as well...all of them including Shaquille who was so sure that everything that was going on here was bullshit.
"Everyone relax..." Alex states, "I got this..."
He tries to walk to the door. As soon as he gets close the banging gets louder!
BANG! BANG!
Alex jerks back almost fleeing to the other side of the room hiding behind a couple of girls. He has this look of complete and utter fear in his eyes as he just stands almost like a statue this time with no intention of taking a step back towards that door.
"I got this," I state.
Everyone looks at me. Everyone looks at me like I have three heads but that's when I get to the door and open it. As soon as I open the door...someone comes barreling towards me!
I feel the figure fall onto me knocking me down!
"Jarvis!"
I hear Chad's voice and feel a pull at my arms. It's Chad and Alimah. They pull me from underneath the person. That is when I realize I'm covered in something. It's everywhere!
Blood!
"Help me..." the person mutters.
The person is wounded. It's not my blood.
It's his.
"Its Omari..." I realize...
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