Question of Faith

It's been awhile but here is another part of Question of Faith.

I would like to thank Tim for the idea and advice. Matthew for his loyal feedback. Toby, thank you for being there. Trace, thanks for pushing me. Hope you like the result.

Nifty thank you for hosting.

DISCLAIMER: as far as I know no-one of the Backstreet Boys, Nsync or 5ive are gay. It is a fictional story.

It is a short part this time. There will be more soon and it will be longer.

Kevin leaned back and closed his eyes. In his mind an image of a young blond came up. A smile like no one else. Eyes bright and blue filled with love for him. Nothing like the blond boy giving him a blowjob. Kevin opened his eyes again. The moment was gone. He pushed the blond away. Kevin grabbed some money and tossed it in his face.

'Go!'

The young man hurried his way out of the room. Kevin walked to the bathroom. He stared at his reflection. Black rings around his eyes, pale skin. Kevin turned on the shower. Within seconds the bathroom was filed with steam. He undressed and stepped inside the hot shower. His tears mixed with the water. His hand moved down his body and his lean fingers wrapped around his throbbing erection. He slowly moved them up and down. The thought of the hooker came back to him and he started to move his hand frantically up and down. He wanted to erase the lips that touched him. The hand that caressed him. Tears were flowing down his cheeks. He cried out Nick's name as he came. His cry echoed back.

"God I'm so bored.'

Nick fell down on his bed.

Julia looked up from her book. 'Go and ask Riche and Justin to play basketball.'

Nick rolled his eyes. 'They are in massive make out mode. They don't want me to be the third wheel.'

Julia placed her book on the nightstand. 'Can't you go out and do something?'

Nick snorted. 'We are in Belgium. All the fans are gathered outside the hotel.'

Julia thought for a second. 'I have a great idea. I need Richie and Justin here for it.' She jumped up and ran in the other room. Nick could hear Richie protest.

Justin walked into the bedroom. 'She is a mean woman.' He said while rubbing his ear.

'So you have us here now.' Richie rubbed his ear as well.

Julia sat down next to Nick. 'I have a great idea.'

Richie Justin and Nick looked at each other.

'What about a little bet. This country is very small and I bet you can hitch hike to the next arena without any problems.'

Justin started laughing. 'Um, Julia we are famous. Massive fan crowds downstairs.'

Julia grabbed her bag.' Ta da. Hair dye. I bought some nice dark colours for you all.'

Nick grabbed a bottle. 'Dark brown. Will it suit my eyes?'

'Only one way to find out.' And Richie pulled him to the bath room.

****** J called Chris and Kevin in to an empty dressing room. 'I have one question for you. Are Justin and or Nick to found anywhere?'

Chris shook his head. 'Justin comes and goes when he pleases. We never know where he is.'

'Well they hang out with Richie all the time. I think it is a being-the-youngest-thing.' J stated.

Kevin didn't say anything. He was boiling inside. The hooker from the night before had pissed him off and he was still brooding of that. And he was in need of a cigarette.

'Kevin?' Chris' voice brought him back to reality. 'Do you know where Nick is?'

'No! The little prick is old enough to keep track of time.' Kevin turned around and nearly bumped into Julia.

'Hi guys.' She said cheerfully.

Kevin grunted a greeting.

'Something wrong?'

'We can't find Nick, Richie or Justin.'

Julia started laughing.

'What's is so funny?' Hissed Kevin.

'They are hitchhiking.' At this point Julia was holding her stomach because she had to laugh so hard.

'Hitchhiking?' Echoed Chris and J in unison.

'They were bored. I came up with the idea and they hitchhiked from the hotel to this venue.'

'This venue is 50 miles away from the hotel.'

'They are big boys.'

Chris shook his head. 'Off course, they are immature. They would do a thing like this.'

Kevin grabbed Julia's arm in a painful grip. 'This joke could get him injured or hurt. What were you thinking?'

'They were bored and they all liked the idea.'

'What did they do? Add fake beards?'

'No we dyed our hair.' Nick stood in the doorway. Richie and Justin behind him. Nick took of his baseball cap and showed them his dark brown hair. J and Chris started laughing.

'I'm just glad you are back.' J walked to Richie. 'Come on. We need to rehearse.'

Chris and Justin left the room as well. Kevin was still grabbing Julia's arm.

'Let go of her arm Kevin. She didn't do anything wrong.'

Kevin looked at Nick. His eyes were dark green with anger.

'No, you are the stupid around here.'

Nick walked to Kevin and pushed him away.

'Leave Julia out of this.' Kevin snorted.

'You would defend your girlfriend. Did you tell her you prefer a dick up your ass than being inside of her?'

Julia gasped.

Nick looked at him. 'You crossed a line here Kevin.'

Kevin laughed sarcastically.

'Stop.'

Kevin didn't stop.

'Stop!' Nick violently shook him. 'Stop laughing.'

Kevin looked at him and chuckled. Nick slid his hand behind Kevin's head. In a last attempt to stop Kevin he kissed him. Nick kissed him hard. Kevin opened his mouth in surprise and Nick slid his tongue inside. Nick swirled his tongue around Kevin's. Lightly touching it. For a second Kevin kissed him back. The next moment Nick and Julia were alone in the room. Nick looked at Julia. His hand moves to his lips.

'Oh boy.'

*********** Fatima was pushing them over the edge.

'Come on guys. I know this is a smaller space and you'll only perform this song all together once but please be nice to me.'

She got several moans as replies.

'Okay, let's do it one more time.' Fatima started to move people in different positions.

'Okay, JC you stand next to Justin. Scott you go next to JC.'

Justin flinched. Fatima turned the music on again.

'3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.'

They all started dancing. Justin was paying more attention to JC than his dance steps. Fatima turned of the music.

'If we all can pay attention to this routine we can be out of here in a few hours.' She glanced at Justin.

Justin smiled his boyish smile. Music filled the room again and Justin started dancing. JC suddenly lost his balance. He grabbed Justin to stay on his feet but instead dragged Justin to the ground. Justin tried to break his fall with his arms but landed on his left arm. He muffled a scream of pain.

'Oh gee. I'm sorry.' Said JC.

He got up but accidentally stepped on his shoelaces. He fell down again and landed with his knee on Justin's burned left arm. Justin's scream went straight through the soul.

'Oh god.' Whispered Justin.

He crawled to his knees. Everyone in the room stood frozen on the spot and looked at the young man in pain. Lance, Joey and Chris simultaneously looked the other way. Justin managed to crawl to a corner in the room. The pain was almost blinding him. He could feel that one of the blisters had burst and his bandages were soaked. Justin cradled his arm and whimpered like an injured animal. Someone touched his shoulder.

'Leave me alone.'

'Justin?' Richie kneeled next to him.

'Leave me alone.' Justin pushed Richie away.

'Just, come on. You need to see a doctor.'

'Go away.' Screamed Justin. 'Leave me alone.'

Justin turned around so he faced the wall and started to rock back and forth. Richie rose to his feet and walked out of the room, a look of pain clearly visible on his face.

Justin almost started to chant: 'go away.'

Silently everyone left the room. Billie stayed behind. She walked to Justin and sat down behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and joined in his rocking. Slowly Justin covered her hand with his. Billie could feel the tears dripping from his cheek. She rested her face against his back. Justin turned around and buried his face in her lap. Billie gently stroked his hair.

'I'm going to take the easy way out.'

Justin's words shocked Billie but she saw the determination in his eyes.

********* Brian pulled Nick aside as soon as they left the room.

'Can I have a word?'

Without waiting for a reply Brian walked to an empty corridor. Nick frowned and followed him.

'What do you want to talk about?' Asked Nick very innocently.

He had seen the vein throbbing in Brian's neck.

'You Nick. I want to talk about you.'

Nick sighed. 'What did I do now?'

'What kind of game are you playing?'

Nick was confused. 'You mean about my hair?'

Brian shook his head. 'No, first you make a choice, which hurts him deeply. Than you spend weeks crying over him.'

Nick raised his hand. 'I was forced to do so.'

Brian rolled his eyes. 'No one forced you, Nick. Why did you kiss him? Why did you turn his world up side down again?'

Nick stared at his feet. 'I wanted to. I wanted to kiss him. He wouldn't shut up. He had to shut up.'

'Nick you can't do this all the time.'

'Do what?'

'Hurt him.'

Nick snorted. 'And he isn't hurting me? I know about what goes on in his room at night. I'm not blind or deaf.' Nick saw the panic in Brian's eyes.

'I thought...'

'You thought Nick is blonde and stupid, he will never find out. I saw one leave the other night.'

Brian ran his hand through his hair. 'It is a natural reaction.'

Nick's head jerked up. 'A natural reaction?'

Brian nodded. 'You spend each night in a room with two other men and a girl. We only need to put two and two together.'

'I can't believe this. You are supposed to be my friend, Brian. You know support me.'

Brian avoided Nick's eyes. 'Blood runs thicker than water in this one.' Whispered Brian.

Nick turned around and wanted to walk away.

'Nick, please listen to me.'

'I hear you Brian.'

'But you aren't listening.' Brian hated to talk to Nick's back. 'I want best for both of you.'

Nick looked over his shoulder. 'I want what's best for me.'

Nick walked away. Brian called after him but he didn't respond.

'Damn it.' Cursed Brian.

He heard a sound behind him. He turned around. A figure emerged from the shadows.

'Julia.'

Brian opened his arms and she walked in his embrace.

'Do you think it is working?'

Brian sighed. 'I don't know. My little explosion isn't helping.'

'It is getting harder Brian. I can't pretend to be Kevin at night for much longer.'

Brian cupped Julia's face. 'We need to keep the love alive. We have to find a way to get them back together. They still love each other.'

Julia nodded. 'I know they do.'

Brian tenderly kissed her forehead. 'We can manage. Just hold on for a few more days.'

************* It was already after midnight when Justin returned to his room. The moon was shinning through the open curtains. Justin walked past Nick and Julia's bed. As usual Nick was lying almost on top of Julia. Justin stopped at his bed. Richie was lying with his back towards him. Justin sighed and sat down on the edge. After Billie left he had practised his dancing for a while. Than he had gone outside to think. And maybe to avoid Richie. Justin buried his head in his hands. He had no tears left anymore. He rose again and undressed. Richie was lying on the left side of the bed. Justin hated sleeping on his back so the only option was to turn his back on Richie. He buried his head in his pillow.

'I only wanted to show you I care.'

Justin had to strain his ears to hear Richie speak. He turned on his back. At the same time Richie turned around. Justin could see that he had been crying. The moonlight reflected in his tears.

'I know.'

Richie looked at him. 'You hurt me.'

'I know I did.'

'Don't you care?'

Justin sighed. 'I don't know.'

Richie wiped away his tears. 'Shane once said I loved him too much. I cared too about him.'

A slight panic started to rise inside Justin. 'I don't know if I love you.'

Richie's eyes filled with pain.

Justin touched his cheek. 'It's too soon. I think I'm in love with you. I care about you. But love is a big step. It comes gradually. You don't love someone overnight.'

Justin paused for a second.

'If and when I love someone I want it to be permanent. I don't want to hand out my heart to get it back in pieces. I want to be sure.'

Richie nodded.

'I didn't want to push you away this afternoon but I had to be alone.' Justin looked at the dirty bandage. 'I made up my mind. I went outside to think. I thought about us, I thought about JC, I thought about my life.' Justin looked at Richie. 'I can only see one way out.'

Richie placed a finger on his lips. 'We can work it out.'

'How?'

Justin raised his voice.

'After this tour you go back to England and do your thing. I have to go back to America with HIM. I have to live through the mental and physical pain each day.'

Justin raised his arm.

'I'll remember this tour till I die.'

Richie quickly glanced over Justin to check if Nick and Julia were still sleeping. 'I'm sorry.'

'For what? You just don't understand.' Justin flipped around and squeezed his eyes close. Richie placed a hand on his shoulder.

'Maybe I don't understand what you go through but help me understand. Don't shut me out. I don't deserve that.'

Justin tried to control his sobs. 'I know you don't deserve it. I just can't handle it anymore. I want out. I want to leave in any way possible.'

Richie hugged him from behind. 'Just remember that you are not alone in this. You have me.'

Justin nodded. Their fingers entwined.

'When we go to the hospital tomorrow you need to see a doctor for your arm.'

'Hospital?' Whispered Justin. He felt Richie nod against his back.

'We are going to Queen Emma's Children's hospital to cheer up some sick kids.'

Justin kissed Richie's fingers.

'That is tomorrow. Can you just hold me now and make the pain go away.'

Richie moulded his body against Justin and a few minutes later the room was silent again.

Everyone was surprised when they arrived at the hospital. It didn't look like a hospital. The walls were painted in various colours. Toys were scattered everywhere. A camera-crew was waiting for them at the entrance.

A MTV presenter jumped in front of them. 'You can all roam around. Go to the ward you want to go to. The camera will follow.'

Nick wrinkled his nose and looked at Justin. He started laughing.

'Come on guys.' Richie walked further into the hospital.

Everyone wandered off in a different direction. The three young blondes made their way to the ward of their choice. Soon they were all hovering over the little infants at the neonatal ward.

'God, look at this one.'

Nick bent over a small boy.

'He is so perfect.'

A nurse smiled. 'Would you like to feed him, sir?'

Nick shook his head. 'That is something the parents should do.'

The nurse grabbed a little bottle. 'They live 200 miles from here and can't come to visit every day.'

Nick sat down on a chair. Justin and Richie gathered around him. The nurse placed the little boy in Nick's arms. The child opened his eyes and stared at the stranger holding him.

'When will he be released?' Asked Justin.

'Soon, he has improved really well.'

The nurse handed Nick the bottle and showed him what to do. Justin and Richie made funny noises.

Nick looked up with a smile. 'I hope you never have children. They'll be insane before they turn one.'

Richie and Justin started laughing. They didn't notice the film crew coming in and taping the little scene. Each time the baby fell asleep while drinking Nick would softly tickle his feet. Julia sneaked in the room.

Nick smiled as he saw her. 'Look Jules, he likes me.'

More people entered the ward. Nick searched the crowd with his eyes. Julia knew who he was looking for. But Kevin wasn't there. He had left as soon as everyone left the entrance hall. It hurt her to see the expression of pain on Nick's face. His eyes met hers for a second. Than he returned his attention to the little infant in his arms. ********* Meanwhile on another ward Lexie was lying in an examination room. The doctor rubbed some gel on her stomach.

'You've been having this morning sickness how long?'

'A week or so.'

Lexie looked at the grey doctor. 'Thank you for seeing me so quickly.'

He smiled. 'No problem Ma'am. It is very quiet in the maternity ward. All the babies are waiting for the moment I go on my holiday.'

Lexie started laughing. The doctor turned on the echo machine and placed the device on her stomach.

'Let's see if I have good news for you.'

He moved the device over her stomach a few times.

He frowned. 'You were diabetic right?' Lexie nodded.

'And you had a miscarriage a few months ago.'

'About five months ago.'

The doctor looked at the screen.

'What I see here are the remains of an ectopic pregnancy. Meaning the egg was implanted on the wall of the uterus and not in the womb.'

Lexie turned pale. 'So it wasn't a normal miscarriage?'

'No, this is very common with diabetic patients.'

The doctor pointed at the screen.

'See this?'

Lexie nodded.

'This is a healthy baby. I think you are about 3 months now. Congratulations.'

Lexie nodded absentmindedly. She had too much information to digest. She looked up at the person standing at the door.

'Did you hear that JC? Justin didn't do it.'

This is it for today. If you like it let me know at nathanielstories@hotmail.com. You can use the same address if you hate it. Till next time, Bye.