Question of Faith

Here we go part 9 of Question of Faith. I want to thank all the people that sent me feedback. Toby, thank you for all the thing you so. You are a true mate. Trace, hope you like it. I kept my part of the deal, what about you?

To all the people at Nifty, thank you for giving us a change to posting our stories.

Disclaimer: As far as I know none of the members of the Backstreet Boys, Nsync or Five are gay. I have no connection to their management, families, friends or record companies. This story is very fictional and a product of my imagination.

Question of Faith part 9

Justin felt something cold on his forehead. He tried to raise his left hand but he couldn't. Slowly his eyes fluttered open. He closed them again. The light was too bright for him.

'Justin, honey?' A familiar female voice spoke to him in a soft tone.

Justin turned his head and opened his eyes again. The lights were dim now.

'Mom?' He asked in a hoarse voice.

'I'm right here honey.'

Justin wanted to touch her but he still couldn't move his arm.

'My arm?' he whispered. 'They are in restrains.'

Lynn undid the restrains. Justin looked at his mother. 'When did you get here?'

Lynn didn't answer. She took a small cup filled with water and placed it on Justin's lips. He took a small sip. Lynn sat down again and took Justin's hand in hers.

'I got here nine days ago.'

Justin closed his eyes. 'Nine days? But I..'

'You hit your head pretty hard.'

Justin opened his eyes again. 'Richie?'

'Richie had to go back to England. Scott had to drag him out of the hospital.' Lynn smiled a small smile. 'He sat beside your bed only to leave when he had to do a concert.'

Justin stared at the ceiling. 'And the other guys?'

Lynn squeezed his hand. 'They all wish you well.'

'Did they ever come?'

Lynn shook her head. 'Lance said they were very busy with the promotion of the new European tour.'

Justin swallowed hard.

'Justin, what happened?'

'JC shoved me, I fell and ended up here.'

Lynn sighed. 'That was not what I meant. Why did he shove you? Why did JC move out? Why didn't anyone visit you here?'

Justin rolled on his side. 'I've always be honest with you, mom.'

Lynn nodded. Justin never kept a secret from her.

'Well, a few months ago I was feeling very lonely and I did something stupid.'

Lynn waited for Justin to continue.

'I saw everyone taking care of Nick and I thought that if something would happen to someone I cared about people would pay attention to me. So I hid Lexie's insulin.'

Lynn wiped away his tears.

'I didn't know she was pregnant. If I had known I would have never done this. You have to believe me, mom.'

'I believe you, Justin.'

'JC took the news of Lexie losing her baby pretty bad. He tried to strangle me. And he told me he hated me. The other guys didn't know what to do but I heard them talk about me behind my back. Each time I would walk into a room, they would stop talking.'

Justin buried his head in his pillow.

'And when they found out about Nick and Kevin Chris said that gays made him sick.' Mumbled Justin.

Lynn sat down on the bed and pulled her son in her arms.

Justin rested his head on her shoulder. 'They made it very clear that they are on JC's side.'

Lynn softly rocked him back and forth. 'You've always been honest to me Justin. That made it easier for me to accept that you're gay. And Richie is a fantastic young man who will make you very happy. Maybe you should be honest with the guys too.'

Justin shook his head. 'They don't understand. They'll never will.'

******** The house was empty. Jane shivered.

'How is he doing, Brian?'

Brian looked at Jane. He felt uneasy being here. 'He is miserable.'

Jane sighed. 'I did the right thing. In the end he will see that too.'

'Why did you ask me to come, Jane?'

Jane looked at the nervous young man sitting in front of her. 'I want you to look after Nick for me.'

Brian couldn't believe his ears. 'First you force him to make a choice he could never make. Than you drag him home with you. And you are asking me to baby sit him?'

Jane nodded.

'Nick is a grown man. He doesn't need me to baby sit.'

Jane rose to her feet. 'You don't understand. I don't want you to baby sit him. I want you to make sure your cousin doesn't even look at him.'

Brian shook his head. 'You can't force me to chose between family and Nick. You got yourself into this mess Jane. It's not my fault Nick locked him self in his bedroom. It's not my fault he won't talk to anyone but BJ or me.'

Brian nearly poked her in her chest with his finger. 'It's your fault. You didn't believe in the love between Nick and Kevin. If Nick and Kevin want to be together on the European tour than there is nothing I can do about it.'

Brian walked to the door and slammed it shut. Jane clenched her hands in to fists. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Nick chose for his family but he didn't want to see anyone. All he did was, sit in his room all day. Staring outside while clutching a sweater that belonged to Kevin. Jane heard the door to his room open and the sounds of his sobs floated down to the living room. She had to convince him it was the best choice he made. And she just thought of the best way to do it.

Kevin tossed and turned on the bed. He couldn't sleep. He understood why Nick chose for his family. But he couldn't accept it. He heard from Brian that Nick was pretty miserable. Kevin turned on his other side and glanced at his alarm clock. Another four hours to go before he had to get up. Kevin reached out and grabbed the phone. He dialled a familiar number and waited for an answer.

'Hello?' Said a groggy voice on the other end.

'Glenn, it's me. Can we talk?' 'Yeah hang on.'

Kevin heard him talk to someone.

'Okay, I'm all ears.'

'I miss him.' Whispered Kevin. 'I can't live without him.'

Kevin wiped away a tear.

'I can't accept the fact that he chose his family. We were happy together. I thought I was the only thing he needed in this world. Didn't I mean anything to him?'

Glenn didn't say anything.

Kevin just continued. 'I've been asking myself the same question over and over. Why? Why did he do it? Why?'

'Because he loves you.' Was the simple answer Glenn gave him.

The moment Justin left the gate a young brown haired girl flew around his neck. Justin tried to push her away.

'Play along.' She whispered. 'Richie will be here soon.'

Justin froze hearing Richie's name.

'It's okay.' She said and let go of Justin. 'There are a few reporters outside and we don't want them to get the wrong idea.'

Justin nodded. He looked over her shoulder and a bright smile formed on his face.

Richie walked towards them. 'Hi.'

Justin ached to hug him.

'You've met Billie?'

Justin nodded.

'Billie is my cover up.'

Justin frowned. 'Cover up?' He echoed.

'Management doesn't want the world to know what I do in my spare time so Billie came up with an idea to help me out. She plays my girlfriend and she gets to be around J.'

'J?' Justin was confused.

'J and Billie are an item but Billie is kinda under age.'

Justin nodded. 'I get it now.'

'Are we ready to go?' Asked Billie jumping up and down.

Justin looked over his shoulder at the gate. 'We just have to wait for Nick.'

'Nick came with you?' Now Richie frowned.

'Jane doesn't want him near Kevin so when she heard that I was taking an early flight she booked Nick a seat on it.'

Suddenly they heard voices.

'That will be Nick.' Nick and a girl walked to the three people waiting for them.

'Stop whining please.' Nick sighed.

'You should talk. You whimpered the whole flight.'

'Listen this wasn't my idea. Get off my back.'

Justin started laughing. 'Billie, Richie, meet Julia, Nick's personal assistant. They don't really like each other.'

Richie lifted an eyebrow. 'Really?'

Justin playfully hit him on his arm.

'Come on guys. Let's go to the hotel.'

Billie linked her arm with Justin and Richie. 'All the press will see now is me picking up a close friend.'

Justin smiled a warm smile. They walked to the entrance of the airport. Nick and Julie followed still bickering over the flight and the coming tour. Billie guided them to a long limo.

'At least with you I get to travel in style.' She said with a big smile.

The driver opened the door and the five youngsters got in. As soon as the door closed Richie pulled Justin close for a mind-blowing kiss. Justin closed his eyes and shivered as he felt the warm lips crush his.

'Oh yuck.' Cried Julia.

Richie slowly pulled away.

'You didn't tell her?' He asked Nick with a shocked look on his face.

'I did tell her but she responded the same way.'

Justin chuckled. 'Better get used to this honey.'

He said with a big smile and straddled Richie's lap.

Brian buzzed around Nick like an annoying fly.

Nick started laughing. 'Brian, will you stop doing that? You are making me dizzy.'

Brian stopped circling and looked at Nick. 'Are you sure you want to go in there?'

Nick nodded. 'It's a group meeting. I'm a part of the group.'

Brian frowned a little. 'I know that but I was thinking about the other group member.'

Nick chuckled. 'I feel fine. I'm done crying. I made a choice.'

Brian frowned even more.

'I'm not going to break down and cry. I'm an adult. We don't do that.'

Brian started smiling. 'Who let you in on that secret?'

Nick patted him on his cheek. 'Julia keeps telling me every ten seconds I behave like a child. I want to prove her wrong.'

They arrived at the room the meeting was held at. Brian opened the door and the two friends entered the room. No one could have warned Nick for the things he saw. Kevin was sitting in a big seat. He was dressed in a black silk shirt and leather trousers. He held a glass of liquor in his left hand even though it was 3 o'clock in the afternoon. What shocked Nick the most was the cigarette in his right hand. The first thing that crossed his mind was to run and hide somewhere in self-pity. Nick shook his head. He was going to stay. Kevin looked at Nick with half closed eyes. Slowly he raised his hand and took a drag from his cigarette. Nick tried to ignore it. He sat down on the couch and looked at the other two band members.

'Hey guys, how was your holiday?' He asked with a slight trembling voice.

Howie and AJ felt instant pity for Nick. They has seen the flash of hurt and love in the young man's eyes.

AJ smiled a sympathetic smile. 'I got a new tattoo.'

He lifted his shirt and showed Nick the tattoo around his belly button. Nick bent a bit closer to see it.

'It looks great.'

Howie felt very uneasy. 'Can we just get on with the meeting?'

Nick and Brian nodded.

'We have nothing to discuss.' Said Kevin with a slight drawl.

'Oh yes we do.' Howie jumped up. 'We want to know what will happen now.'

'Nothing will happen.' Said Kevin.

Howie looked at Nick. 'Can you two be in a band together?'

Nick stared at the carpet. 'Kevin has every right to be angry or hurt. We can be professional and work together.'

Nick didn't dare to look up at Kevin.

Howie sat down again. 'Okay, well that just leaves the official things about the tour and stuff.'

'May I be excused?' Whispered Nick.

Brian nodded. He hadn't failed to notice the look Kevin gave Nick. Nick stood up and walked out of the room.

The instant the door closed Brian turned around to his cousin. 'What the hell do you think you are doing?'

Kevin smiled. 'I'm making it easy on my self.'

'Easy? Hollered Brian.

'Cigarettes and booze? I call that suicide.'

Kevin snorted. 'You don't get it.'

'I think we don't get it either.' Said AJ.

Kevin stared at his friends. 'All I need to do is to make Nick hate me. If he hates me I can go on. If he still loves me I will never get over him.'

Brian grabbed Kevin's glass and threw it at the wall. 'You are forgetting one thing. Nick loves you with all his heart. You will never be able to make him hate you.'

Kevin slowly rose to his feet. 'Maybe I can make myself hate him.'

*********** Julia was fed up. She had been listen to muffled sobs for an hour now. She sat up straight and turned on the lamp on her nightstand.

'Listen Carter, your mum didn't hire me to replace her so if you are home sick, here is my phone and call her.'

She looked at Nick. Nick stared back with red puffy eyes. He had black circles around his eyes.

'If I would never see my mum again it would be heaven for me.' He choked.

'You are not home sick are you?'

Nick shook his head.

Julia got up and said: 'Scoot over.'

Nick moved a bit in his bed and Julia crawled in beside him.

'Now tell Auntie Julia why you are crying.'

'Stop treating me like a child.' Mumbled Nick.

'You're a child. As soon as you are 21 I'll treat you like an adult.'

Nick turned around. 'Go back to your bed. I don't want to talk anymore.'

Julia sighed. 'I'm sorry Nick. Please, tell me what is wrong.'

Nick didn't turn back. 'Kevin. That's what's wrong.'

'What did he do? He looked very yummy this morning.'

'Forget it. He is gay.' Growled Nick.

'And you aren't? Or what?'

Nick turned his head. 'I once told him what outfit I hated and he was wearing that outfit. And he smokes. I hate people that smoke.'

Nick looked at Julia. 'Have you ever made a choice and it turned out to be a wrong one?'

'Is this about the choice you made?'

Nick nodded. 'What if I made the wrong choice? My mum things me being gay will pass. That Kevin talked me into it. But you can't talk a person into being gay. What if my family turns their back on me? Than I have no one left.'

Julia brushed some hair out of his face. 'It may seem a bad decision now but when you look back in a few years it might all be different.'

Nick fully turned around. 'Maybe Kevin needs to find a new person to love. Or maybe I need someone.'

Julia shook her head. 'You can't force him not to love you or to love someone else. And you can't make yourself fall in love. Believe me I know.'

Nick looked at Julia.

'Anyone I know?' He asked with a boyish grin.

Julia slapped his arm. 'See you are just a kid. You can never be serious for a long time.'

Nick's face dropped. 'Sorry, I just...'

Julia pulled him in a comforting hug. 'It's okay Nick. I like you better when you are funny.'

'So you like me?'

Julia started laughing. 'I have to keep up the appearances.'

Nick snuggled a bit closer. 'Can we stay like this for a while? I used to sleep like this with Kevin.'

Julia nodded. 'But it is not something we'll do everyday.'

Nick nodded, he was already half asleep.

Kevin roamed through the hotel. He couldn't sleep. He managed to get through the days but the nights were bad. Memories of Nick would float back and he would lie awake for hours. He stopped walking. He was at the floor Nick stayed at. Maybe he was feeling bad too. It could hurt to check on him. Kevin chuckled and pulled out the master key to all the rooms of the Backstreet boys. He gently inserted the key in the lock and opened the door. The room was dark. The only light came from the moon shinning through the open curtains. He looked at the bed. Nick was lying with his head on Julia's chest. He stirred a little.

'I love you.' He mumbled.

'Me too.' Answered Julia.

Kevin closed to the door. He was trembling. Nick had moved on. Maybe he should too. Kevin made his way down stairs. He hailed a taxi and got in.

'The first gay bar you can find.'

********** Richie chew on his bottom lip. He was worried. Five had been the first to do the show and they had to go the hotel straight after for an interview. Nsync was the last group to perform and the concert had finished about two hours ago. But still there was no sign of Justin. He had seen JC enter the hotel and Lance arrived about an hour ago. Billie told him most of the guys went to a club. Richie stared out of window onto the gray rainy streets of Berlin. Where was he? He heard two people giggle behind him. He saw the reflection of Nick and Julia. He couldn't help but smile. In public they acted like they could kill each other but when they were alone or with Justin and Richie they were very close. The door of the room opened and Richie swirled around. To his disappointment Billie entered the room.

'Hey guys, we are leaving. Anyone wants to come clubbing?'

Nick shook his head. 'Nah, too tired. I'll go next time.'

Julie also declined the invitation.

Billie looked at Richie. 'Rich, hon, want to come?'

He shook his head. 'No, I'll just wait for Justin.'

Billie smiled. 'Okay, we'll see you all in the morning.'

'Don't do anything I wouldn't do.' Yelled Nick.

Billie started laughing. 'Does that mean I have to sleep with you or not?'

Nick threw a pillow at the rapidly closing door. Richie turned back to the window. Something was wrong. He could feel it. The door opened again. Richie smiled as he saw Justin enter. His smiles disappeared when he saw that Justin had his arm in a sling.

'What happened?' He asked as he hurried to Justin's side.

Justin sat down in a chair and started crying. 'I can't take it any more.'

Richie and Nick kneeled down on either side of Justin.

'What is wrong with your arm?'

Justin looked at Richie. 'He pushed me into the fireworks. I have second degree burns on my arm.'

Nick, who was completely informed on the situation between Justin and JC, cursed. 'That is the limit. I'm going to have a little talk with JC.'

Justin grabbed his arm. 'Please, don't. It will make matters worse. If I just ignore it, it will go away.'

Nick didn't agree but nodded and went back to Julia. Richie and Justin didn't hear them leave.

'Come on.' Richie said. 'Let's get you to bed.'

Justin stood up and let Richie undress him. He slid in between the cold sheets. He closed his eyes as he felt Richie's lips on his jaw. A second later Richie's body covered the half of his body.

Justin screamed in pain. 'My arm.'

Richie flew to the other side of the bed. 'Sorry. I'm sorry.'

Justin closed his eyes for a bit as he tried to breathe away the pain.

'I'm okay now.' He said with clenched teeth.

Richie slowly scooted closer. He whispered something in Justin's ear.

Justin smiled through his pain. 'Maybe I should let him try to kill me more often if you are going to do to me what you just told me.'

Richie looked at Justin with a shocked face.

'I said try, not succeed.'

Well not much of a cliffhanger I know (sorry Trace) I'm not sure when I can post the next part. I need to finish some projects first. So hang in there. I'm doing my best

Oh btw, if you like it let me know: nathanielstories@hotmail.com