Raining in My Heart
It was one of those beautiful spring days, gloriously bright and sunny. The air was heavy with the perfumed scent of Perth's November blooms. The thought of rushing into work, closeted by four walls and a desk piled high with paper ail-ed me. So I called in sick, armed myself with a book and headed down to my favorite cafe. I planted myself at one of the outside tables and ordered a large flat white -- one of life's simple pleasures.
I had been there for more than twenty minutes but hadn't read more than a few pages. My attention had been diverted by the morning's passing parade. The lady in red quickly doing her hair as she hurried to catch her bus, the vagabond in the dirty gray, mismatched suit who talked to himself as he shuffled and dug into his bag, searching for the answer to life. I envied a group of teenage students who riotously laughed and joked as they luxuriously took their time to be late for school. In my time lateness was rewarded by sharp raps to the knuckles from a hard wooden ruler.
That's when I saw them - the most beautiful couple I had ever seen. Together they defined all projections of beauty and elegance. He was tall with the body a world-class athlete. The curves of his massive torso and muscular arms set an outprint on his expensive cotton shirt. Boss, Lanvin -- whichever but definitely expensive. His sandy brown hair, cut short, brought to life his baby blue eyes. He was rugged and masculine. His light skin was set aglow by his partner's deliciously chocolate-brown skin. Tall and slim with a well-toned physique, I felt a pang of jealousy that this second vision was not with me. I knew the dark eyes and raven black hair meant that this attractive creature was from Asia, most likely India. A body hugging red T-shirt and loose linen khaki pants accentuated the earthy skin tone and drew attention to that sensuous physique.
They strolled down the road. No, they paraded deliberately, taking time out to pause but giving no visible indication that they were well aware of the envious admirations they were getting. Subtlety added to beauty. The enchantment of their demeanor was mesmerizing. Well-dressed, sharp and immaculately presented, this couple would make any photographer's dream of capturing the harmonious physical union of the east and the west. The ivory half walked a step behind his ebony love, silently take pride in the second looks his partner was getting.
Before I knew it, they had seated themselves at the table in front of me. As the brown-skinned deity sat, our eyes met and my reward was a pearly smile that hinted at the sensuality that laid within. My groin ached with desire. I immediately crossed my legs. I knew then that those lonely nights in my bed, the sudden fire that always glared in my crotch for no apparent reason, had an answer. And it was sitting right in front me, overwhelming me with the intense desire of the moment.
I was eavesdropping, but within such close proximity, it was impossible not to. I soon learned that the athlete was Josh and his partner was Raine. Raine, Raine .... How appropriately named was this vision. Ooh, let the heaven's waters wash me with passion as I desperately wanted to make love with this messenger of sensuality under the wet skies.
I sat and watched, admiring the curves of that sensuous neck, committing to memory the smoothness of that velvety brown skin, the almond shaped eyes and the softness of those ripe lips. I followed Raine's every movement with devout attention, lest by some cruel fate of the gods this passage of heaven should never pass me again. I was no longer in possession of my heart. The stranger in front of me had seized it and I no longer cared about its fate.
Raine was well aware of my more than neighborly attentions. So was Josh. In a flash, he orchestrated chair movements so that his broad back now completely blocked any view I had of my precious Raine. I heard loud whispers, slowly mounting in decibels. Then, there was the noisy shuffling of chairs and my view of Raine was restored. Josh sulked, unhappy with the new arrangements.
I studied their body movements. There was no touching. Never did I spy the touching of lips or even a look of pleasure, only arms crossed and looks placed anywhere but on each other. Is this the price of the perfect looks. Locked in a relationship with someone you lusted after but did not like? So there was trouble in paradise.
Raine looked past Josh at me. Those dark eyes, framed by a thick line of curly, long eyelashes, danced with delight at the realization that I had began to intrude in their personal lives. Josh turned around and eyed me with suspicion. He huffed in disgust at the sight of a fortysomething man, with a receding hairline and a growing waistline. Perhaps he was not happy to see the image of contentment. I may never grace the covers of muscle-bound magazines but I am happy being a hospital administrator, happy with my sexuality and blessed with good friends and a loving family. I may not have a lover now but at least I do not regret the loves of my life.
Josh turned around and started publicly admonishing his partner. He started getting loud and abusive, freely using the words "slut", "cheap hooker" and "whore". I saw the hurt in those dark eyes. The little dark pools reflecting that tender heart, registered shocked horror and finally the pain of the public humiliation. They closed and I saw a lone tear escape and roll down the vision's face. I wondered why the passivity. Why did this angel allow this animal persists with his brutish behavior? Because this wasn't the first time. This was possible Josh's encore performance.
Josh was now visibly uncontrollably angered and the torrent of abuse rained heavily. The whole scenario was despicable. Should I interfere? It wasn't my problem, and although the other cafe patrons were uncomfortable and their looks denounced Josh's behavior, nobody else said or did anything. I too slipped into a hurting passivity and closed my mind.
Suddenly Raine was standing in front of me. Did he want me to be his hero and rescue him from the grasp of this neanderthal? Should I put on my mask and cape and show this massive 6 foot hunk that despite his towering build, I would galantly rise to the situation and defend this Indian rose? The pearly whites were flashing at me suggestively and those Indian eyes were alit with unspoken passion. How could I refuse? But before I could extend any courtesy, Josh had turned Raine around and with one mighty blow sent him flying across the pavement. Time froze for a split second. No-one moved, paralysed by the horror of Josh's actions. He realized the irrevocable folly of his handiwork and fled. I wished that was the last we ever saw of Josh.
Today I watch with numbed emotions as the pall bearers lower Raine to his final resting place. I remember how I picked him and took him home that day in spring, almost eight months ago. He turned to me for comfort and I found in him my soul-mate. We began a relationship of utter happiness that I will not use words to describe. This would be impossible. We were the perfect couple, perhaps not in looks, but in soul. We loved, we cried and we shared, we fought about the silliest things so that we could make up greedy lust. We talked endlessly about everything and nothing. Sometimes we just shared our intimacy without the slightest whisper. Just his head on my chest, as the lullaby of my heartbeat sent him to sleep. I cherished his every word and he was attentive to all my needs. He was always picture perfect, well-dressed and finely built but I always believed that his best accessory was his smile of which he gave generously to friends and strangers alike. It was that smile that drew me to him right from the beginning.
I remember our last morning together. Raine was still lying in bed as I dressed for work. I knew that in a few minutes he would up and about, turning the house upside down, in his madhatter's rush to get ready, declaring mournfully over and over again how he was going to be late for work. This was a daily morning ritual. No matter how many times I asked him to get up a few minutes earlier, he would just lie there watching me get dressed. He said that he always enjoyed watching me dress as this was the sweetest part of the day for him. And I enjoyed watching him lie there in our bed, the white bedspread almost covering his sweet earthy-colored body. It took all of my will to resist that provocative invitation but some mornings I gave in and we both ended terribly late for work.
Then that cruel night he ran into a drunken Josh. I rushed to the hospital to find a battered Raine unconscious with a broken arm and a face so swollen I hardly recognized him. He was there for two days. I never got the chance to say goodbye. I wish I had a little more time - to make this world a little better for this precious young man. All I want is a day or so. I would have liked to do more for him, buy him chocolates everyday and shower him with his favorite yellow roses or perhaps even build his own rose garden. He loved yellow roses. If I could kiss those lips just once and feel the warmth of his embrace, for the last time, then maybe I could say goodbye. Although today only tears rain in my heart, tomorrow I'll smile thinking about the smile that lit up my life.
By Anthony Rozario contact wildeboy@hotmail.com