Chapter 15. The Funeral and the Food.
After we swapped bedrooms we discussed the next few weeks, stuff we needed to get done. Grandma said they were thinking of taking turns here, like two or three weeks at a time until school was over. They thought it would be best to keep me here until graduation but move to an apartment after a realtor sign was in the front yard. The problem was going to be finding a dog-friendly apartment for a short term rental. The realtor said none of the extended stay hotels will take a large dog.
Tom and l listened to their plans and agreed to everything. Then I told Grandma I wanted to give the Buick to Tom right away, she asked if I wanted a car of my own and I told her I wanted a used compact size car, something with better gas mileage. She agreed and said we could start looking next week.
Everyone was tired and getting the yawns and we had a long day tomorrow with the funeral and dozens of people visiting, maybe more! So we ended our chat and went our separate ways.
Before we left my room Crow came in and walked beside Grandpa and leaned into his thigh and Gramps pet and scratched his neck and shoulder. Tom told him he'd been here less than 48 hours and Saint Crow already had him trained to pet and scratch on command! We all laughed, they never thought of petting a dog as being trained to do it by the dog. Tom says when it comes to Crow it's hard sometimes to tell who's in charge!
We agreed on an alarm time and went to our rooms. At first Tom and I went to my room, then paused, returned to the hallway and went to the `master suite.' We got undressed and went to check out the big two-person shower with two clear glass walls.
We turned on the handles after closing the glass door. I motioned for Tom not to speak normally because my grandparents were on the other side of the wall.
We washed each other and kissed, then brushed our teeth and went to bed. I loved Mom's mattress it was a queen size Tempurpedic with the thicker memory foam. It felt funny being so much higher off the floor than my bed. Tom showed me when he sat on the side of the bed his feet didn't touch the floor. We wondered why Mom wanted it so high but had no idea why. He suggested maybe storage underneath.
The only time I looked under her bed was like 12 years ago when I was snooping around for Christmas presents.
We lay side by side talking about funerals and stuff for tomorrow. By 11:30pm I was really tired.
We talked a little bit more:
"I really feel weird about taking your mom's car."
"What else can I say?. I don't like her car, it's as big as Rhode Island! If I was buying a new car Buick would never be on my list. I like the smaller Japan cars, their quality and gas mileage. If you don't like it then sell it but you need a car so consider it a gift from my family."
"Okay, I guess, I have to talk to Management and see if she wants it. Her Impala is a bit smaller, I don't know if she wanted a huge land cruiser or not, but I'll ask. Okay?"
"That's fine, there's no rush we got weeks until the title is ready. I suppose if all else fails we could put a for sale sign in the window."
"Good night Robbie dear."
"Good night Tommy dear, I love you."
We were both asleep within fifteen minutes.
Sunday.
The sun rose in a cloudless blue sky on the day I dreaded the most. My alarm went off at 7am. I headed for the shower and told myself I was going to be as positive and cheerful as possible. I woke up looking at Tom thinking to myself I was damn lucky he was here and I best be treating him accordingly.
When I was dried and dressed I looked for any of my stuff but this was the wrong bathroom. I walked in my shorts to my old bathroom grabbed some of my stuff; toothpaste, toothbrushes, razors, deodorant, comb, and stuff, carried them to Mom's bathroom. I pulled open the top drawer and took all her stuff and tossed it into the wastebasket then dumped my stuff in. It felt wrong throwing her stuff away.
I got dressed and went to the kitchen to see if Gram needed any help with the appliances. I showed her how the coffee pot worked and made a full pot. They were both up and ready for the day. It looked like they used the little guest bathroom instead of mine. I told her I would vacate mine in the hallway after the funeral that I really wanted them using it instead of the tiny guest one. She agreed and looked pleased, as much as someone could with only five hours until their daughter's funeral. In a perfect world children never die before their parents, and all dogs go to heaven.
Gram asked for something Mom kept in the garage, while I was out there I checked to see, yes I still have the box my photo enlarger came in so maybe I should take it apart so they can have the entire counter, and remove the light blocking trim from around the door too.
Gram started dishing out pre-prepared stuff for breakfast, some that Tom made two days ago. I went to wake him up.
Back in our bedroom I closed and locked the door walking over to the side of the bed and stood staring at Tom asleep on his back with his tits pointing at the ceiling. He was a thing of rare beauty. Always a tan, thick wide eyebrows and deep dark eyes like those on a high fashion model, a body that just begged to be shown in public, muscles in all the right places that I could dream of being used to hold and hug me firmly and securely in his loving protective embrace. I really needed to photograph him more. I got back into bed behind him which woke him up. I was on my side closely watching his face, his eyebrows and eye lashes were thick and black, especially his eyelashes were naturally long and slightly curved. His eyelashes made him look like he had a very thin eyeliner line on his upper eyelids, but its natural beauty, not store-bought.
I placed my hand flat on his chest and gently started finger massaging one of his puffy nipples, it got him up quickly, he rolled out of bed and went to the toilet.
While he was peeing I asked if he wanted to eat or shower first, he said he was starved, so I got his clothes from the basket of stuff we washed yesterday and watched him get dressed. We went to the kitchen and sat side by side at the bar while Gram nuked and dished out the food we picked from the long list of stuff we had now. There was one large pan from the caterer that was full of breakfast stuff, scrambled eggs, sausage links and patties, bacon, waffles, pancakes, breakfast burritos, cheeses, and fried egg patties like in a McBreakfast thing. Mom never once took me to McDonalds, which was fine.
Tom asked everyone why there was such an association with funerals and food. Gram said it's called: `Bereavement food.' Everyone feels better with a full stomach and it promotes family time together. It goes way back, like a way of making sure everyone was okay when they got together.
After eating Tom showered and we walked the dawg. While we were sitting on the home-team bench on the baseball field we discussed funerals and death. We both admitted to only having been to one. Tom buried his father and I went with Mom to the funeral of a friend of hers a few years ago, so neither of us had much experience. I told him I didn't want to make the day one of tears and sadness. So we agreed to stay close to each other, speak honestly about our relationship, and be there for each other until it was over. Crow came over by the bench with glances towards home so I picked up his deposit and left so he could eat too. Before we stood up Crow came to me and rubbed his face against me, so I hugged him until he pulled back. I think it was a display of sadness. It's not very often he needs to be held.
I sat upright and ran my hand gently over his head and neck while Tom sat beside me and watched. I put a finger on the bottom of his chin and raised his snout to look me in the eyes and told him he was a good boy. He turned again to look toward home so we left.
This time Tom held the long leash, I reminded him about sudden lunges, always keep one eye on the ground ahead of us. You never know when a cat or a rabbit might suddenly dart out of bushes beside the sidewalk. "He's strong enough to pull you right over, before you even know it happened."
Another thing I taught Tom was that that heavy canvas collar of his wasn't perfect, he could pull backwards and it can slip off, so if he starts to pull backwards, let him have slack. The reason why we liked it was it was black, the same color as his fur. At a distance it looks like he isn't wearing a collar. Plus it has his name and our home phone number embroidered on it in big white characters so if he got lost I might get a call to come claim my beast. He manages to escape the yard about once a year, usually because someone didn't fully latch the gate.
When we got home I went straight to the utility room and noticed that there were scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, and shredded cheese in his bowl. Crow ate while I folded the laundry and moved the wet stuff to the dryer and re-started it. After he was done I filled it halfway with dog kibble, the good stuff from the vet.
I took old grocery store bags from the holder, went to my old bathroom and took all the rest of my stuff except for the photo gear and moved it to Mom's bathroom and emptied out all the rest of her drawers and cabinet and tossed her stuff in the trash. I took the trash bag straight to the can in the garage, never told Gram.
I thought to myself that with the windows in her bathroom it'll be impossible to ever adapt it for darkroom use so I should pack away all my darkroom gear, and take apart the enlarger. The model apartment bathrooms we looked at were too small to be used as a darkroom, maybe a kitchen might work. Tom said we'll probably be too busy with homework to use darkroom equipment anyway, and they might have one on campus I could use.
When Gram asked about the AHS graduation ceremony I told her it wasn't important to me.
As I walked toward the kitchen I stopped in the living room and looked out at the street and saw two police cars parked along the curb in front of our house.
It finally dawned on me to ask, so I spoke up to Gramps who was reading the Sunday paper in the kitchen.
"Grandpa, do you know why there's two cop cars outside?"
"Yes Robert, they told me there are scammers in this town who prey on the families of the recently deceased, trying to sell bibles and other things. This keeps them and any other thieves away. They said those cars were delivered whenever a VIP or police family member died."
"Which was Mom?"
"They considered her police family because of all she did for them. They're gonna keep a close eye on you and this house until you leave Amarillo. Even then wherever you go the cops there will hear about your arrival. I promise that call will get made too."
"What if I don't want anyone to know?"
"Trust me son, you want them to know. There are bad folks who might want to kidnap you and torture you to make you tell whatever you might know about her work."
"You're kidding, right?" I asked him not totally believing anything he said.
"No Robert, I'm serious. You want the cops to know where you are all the time for the next few years or more. Eventually it'll fade away but for now you need to be watched."
"So much for making out in the car at the Cineplex!"
"Oh I'm sure they were watching you and Tom those nights too." He said with a serious expression on his face.
"You know about the parking lot stuff too?"
"Yes, Lisa got the report, did she ever say anything to you about it?" He said looking over the tops of his reading glasses.
"No, not a word." I responded.
"See? She's a very special lady."
I dropped my head looking at my shoes and walked back to the bedroom.
"What did he say?"
"I was going to be under some sort of police observation for a few years or so."
"That's cool I suppose. Think we should start getting dressed for the you-know-what?"
"Sure, I guess so." I replied as I started to feel a sense of anxiety in my chest.
We silently got dressed because we were expecting visitors at home to start showing up around 11:00am, before the hearse arrived.
By 9am we were dressed and ready. I cleaned up the house as best I could and straightened up both bathrooms and dumped all the trash. After breakfast Grandma and Grandpa stuffed all of Mom's clothes and shoes into five large trash bags for the Goodwill but set the long line of bulging trash bags in the garage. I asked Grandma if we could get a mattress for Crow for my bedroom floor. We decided to check at Goodwill first. She added it to the list of stuff to do on Monday.
We gathered briefly in the living room looking at the serving tables and the food in the refrigerator, I asked Grandma something that sort of surprised all of us. "Gram, can you call school on Monday morning and see if I can take all my final exams on one day, just to get them done and out of the way before I start forgetting stuff?"
"Are you sure Robbie? All of `em on one day?"
"Yep, then I can have the rest of the week off to concentrate on getting stuff done around here now that Mom's... y'know."
"I expect the principal and probably some of your teachers might be at the funeral, we can ask them right then, okay? And if not then I'll call and ask."
"Sure, I'll point 'em out to you." Then we heard car doors outside.
Maggie and Bethany arrived (first) dressed in black, they looked sad. Gram told them the gathering was in the living room, they helped themselves and sat on the sofa. We already put all the pans with food served warm and put them in the oven set at 110degrees, they could warm while we were gone and be ready when we got back.
The three foot long Italian sub was delivered whole so we washed one of the empty aluminum pans and used it to hold the sub cut into much smaller slices.
We carried all our extra chairs into the living room and got the old folding chairs from the shelves in the garage too.
Around noon a black hearse and limo parked along the curb across the street. I couldn't look at either of them, so I leaned into Tom and tried to keep a straight face. Then Daniel and his mother arrived. Tom, Dan, and I went to our room and had sort of a group hug which was about as much support as I could want. I introduced them again and kissed them both. Tom hugged Dan.
Daniel was dressed in black jeans and a dark gray sport coat with a tiny rainbow ribbon pinned to his lapel. He handed me two pins just like his. I handed Tom one, we both stuck `em in our pockets.
The funeral director came in and talked to my grandparents to explain the routine and timeline. I listened but stayed away from the living room window. Tom stayed with me in the kitchen at the bar. Daniel sat on my other side and had his hand on my thigh so I took his hand in mine under the counter.
I noticed Dan was trying to not talk as much as he could, using sign with me and his mother. She was way better than me as ASL. I quickly taught Tom to sign "Hello." I think part of his reason was Daniel was trying not to talk in front of Tom since most strangers get the first impression that Dan was stupid when they heard him speak, but it's because he can't hear his voice so he has no idea what he sounds like.
About 12:30pm the funeral director said it was time to leave so we all walked out to the street. I talked to Tom so I didn't have to see the hearse. I don't think Tom understood how much I didn't want to see the hearse. Daniel tried to stand between me and the hearse but he was too short to block my view but at least he tried. I think Tom got a bit emotional being reminded of his father's funeral.
We arrived at the funeral parlor and sat in the second row. By the time we got there the line of cop cars grew from two to about ten and four motorcycle cops. The place was packed with people I never saw before in my life. There were news reporters outside and one TV crew from NBC in Dallas because some Army generals were there and the Under Secretary of Defense or something like that.
I tried not to look when they wheeled in the bronze looking casket, I held tightly to Daniel's and Tom's hands on my thighs. I felt tears form in my eyes and start to run down my cheeks to my pants. I never cried out loud but came very close.
I guess I did not realize when the hearse parked out in front that Mom was in the back the entire time. When we got to the funeral home a bunch of military guys in uniform carried the casket out of the hearse and set it on a four wheel cart and rolled it inside the building. Nobody said she qualified for military honors.
Luckily, the ceremony seemed to go fast. Within twenty five minutes it was over and we were back in the limo driving across the cemetery to the grave site. Now the line of cars had grown a lot. I didn't know there were that many police cars in Amarillo. There were cops and military people everywhere. There were two helicopters already at the cemetery and a standing room only crowd. Grandma only ordered chairs for about twenty people, us and Mom's closest friends.
The burial went fast, maybe in six minutes. The director read two paragraphs then the US Secretary of Defense also spoke about Mom, his note card took maybe sixty seconds to read. There was a brief military style ceremony too with a pre-folded flag presented to my grandfather, the flag flew over the Pentagon recently. Then in the distance a soldier in a dress uniform played taps, I held tightly onto Dan and Tom' hands but leaked tears the entire time anyway, and a couple seconds into that music I could not stop myself from sobbing quietly while trying to remain standing. As the horn played they clicked two handles and it started to lower itself into the grave. As soon as it started to slowly lower into the ground everyone in uniform saluted. But there was no flag over her casket, so I guess this was a military service for a civilian.
After Taps the funeral director thanked everyone for coming and by then the casket was already down in the concrete box, people started to leave. We stood up and were escorted to the limo behind my grandparents.
Tom and Dan got in first and sat on the backward facing seat, then me and my grandparents sat side by side in the big back seat. The driver shut the doors and drove us home, that time the hearse didn't lead the way and our police escort was gone.
Later on I asked Gram who organized the funeral and she said it was a DOD benefit, Mom scripted her funeral almost three years ago when she realized she was at risk for assassination or kidnapping.
I asked how many people were there and she said her and Gramps counted 79, not including the soldiers or the one playing the horn.
When we got home I made a mad dash across the yard and through the gate and in the kitchen door, across the house and slammed bedroom door shut behind me. I was told later I looked like I had been punched in the face a few times, but I cried for several minutes. Tom and Dan followed my grandparents and walked like normal in through the locked front door, they came in the room to sit beside me rubbing my back.
When I finally had enough face-in-the-pillow time and could stop crying I rolled onto my back while my best friends removed my tie, my sport coat, and unbuttoned my shirt. Dan and Tom sat on opposite sides of the bed and gently rubbed my shoulders, chest, stomach and arms. It felt nice, intimate, and re-assuring, but it was also embarrassing. I really needed them right now. The only thing missing was Crow.
Tom leaned over and got close and softly said, "It's over."
I tried to say "I hate this shit," but my chin started quivering and I couldn't speak without sobbing, so I shut up and looked around to see if Crow was in the room. He's my big therapy dog, my living body pillow, my soft-warm snuggle buddy. Crow's way of hugging you back was when he leaned against you. I think he did it without thinking about it.
With tears still in my eyes and a runny nose I looked at both of `em and said how much I loved them, that I couldn't have done this without their support. After looking over at his bed I asked where Crow was and Dan got up, walked to the door and opened it and there stood Crow, waiting patiently outside the door. He came in but didn't make his running leap onto the bed, he stood beside it and leaned in so he could touch me with his nose. I kissed him on the whiskers. When you touch their whiskers it made some muscles in his face twitch involuntarily, making it look like he's starting to snarl and show teeth.
You know a dog's whiskers are their `feelers,' their purpose it to be an additional sensory system on the very front of the dog. The thick black hairs themselves are just hairs, but they connect to sensory nerves that are wired directly wired to their central nervous system, so like human reflexes they evoke responses the dog car barely control, like raising a jowl in preparation for using those long canine teeth. When I kissed him on the whiskers it always made his face get all crinkly. Just like how we cannot stop ourselves from yanking our hand back if we touch something really hot. The brain isn't even involved. So I often pretend to scold him for showing a tooth, but he can tell by my voice that I'm kidding. So yes, dogs have empathy and show they care, and I think they have a simple sense of humor too. Their display of humor is just as simple and subtle as their smiles.
I was taught as a child that a tail wagging meant the dog is happy. But I think that's wrong. I think a tail wagging means the dog is excited, but not necessarily the good kind. A dog anticipating a large dog fight would wag his tail just like one watching the owner open a juicy can of dog food. Many years ago Mom introduced me to a neighbor down the block. They had a large black and white shaggy dog. And this dog did something unusual, when you called him he lowered his head and ran to you. If you looked closely you could see he was actually smiling and showing his teeth. But I have seen other dogs do it too. I don't think its instinct, I think it's learned, just like lifting a leg to pee.
Dogs are physically capable of smiling like humans but to them it shows serious anger, so they have to learn to overcome instinct, not all of them can do it. Unlike humans, dog personality had a big influence on their perceived intelligence. Some of them just don't care to try to express themselves in great detail to humans. I think that in order to be a successful addition to a human pack the dog kind of has to surrender to it, and some of them won't surrender their dogness for the sake of being treated like one of the children.
Eventually we got up, I got re-dressed and we returned to a house full of people. The street was packed with cars and I think I counted about twenty two people milling around the food line and wandering in and out of the house. I noticed Bethany had taken control of taking the remaining pans of cold food and putting them in the oven and the hot pans on the serving stands (with the Sterno cans burning underneath).
I noticed Gram was holding a wine glass and she looked like she was hitting the grape kind of hard, but I can't criticize her because it was her daughter we just buried. That's not supposed to happen.
As more cars from the cemetery arrived we walked Crow to the school and I noticed we were being followed by two men in long black rain coats about 200 feet behind us on the sidewalk (military haircuts, sunglasses, radio speaker tubes in the ear). We did our normal routine with Crow. I mentioned to Tom about our tail, he said they were outside all day yesterday too. He said their license plate says US Navy something. I figured they had something to do with what Mom did for a living and what Grandpa told me about. It was freaky but I knew they were there for a good reason so we mostly ignored them. On the walk back they leaned against that Crown-Vic and never said a word as we strolled by with the doggie. Crow was curious and sniffed at them.
We walked home and put Crow in my room to eat or drink. He was not having a good time I could tell. Just for today I moved his two-bowl stand into my room and added some ice cubes to his water, then I shut him in the room.
Around 2pm the police came in, one was Detective Stephanie Zeller. They asked people to move certain cars in the street. It took about five minutes then the fire department showed up to light flares in the street near the end of our driveway. Then came a loud thumping from the sky, a small dark blue helicopter landed, two people got out right away. Four uniformed military dudes came inside too, he went right to Gramps to shake his hand, them Gram. I had no idea who they were but everyone else seemed to. My grandmother motioned for me to come closer. There were lots of people standing around so I had to wiggle my way through the crowd in the hallway. I heard Crow boofing in the bedroom. Tom followed behind me to see who arrived by helicopter.
Before I made it to Gram, Tom grabbed my sleeve and tugged, he handed me my sport coat so I looked nicer.
"Robbie honey, I would like you to meet one of your mother's bosses, this is Mister William Perry, and he's Secretary of Defense of the United States. His boss is the President, Bill Clinton." I was of course speechless and embarrassed to know I never heard of him before. I shook his hand, he said that they were there to help if I needed anything at all, he was sorry for our loss that `Lisa' was a brilliant scientist and a big contributor to the security of our country and the free world, a service they would never forget. I remained speechless and shook his hand and tried to smile. He told me I should be proud, then turned to talk to other people. Gram turned to look at me and she winked as if I just shook the hand of John Wayne or Teddy Roosevelt. With my right hand I spelled the guy's name in Sign to Daniel, he was like two feet behind me, and Tom was behind him.
He spoke for a few more minutes to several of the other people he recognized from where Mom worked, then he left suddenly with a group of men in uniforms. As they walked out the front door the helicopter propeller slowly started to turn.
From the living room I saw them approach the aircraft and decided this was a good teaching moment, so I quickly got Crow but never had the chance to grab his leash. Holding on to his collar we moved quickly out the kitchen door and stopped beside the driveway where he had a good view of the helicopter in the street. I could tell Crow was interested because he stood stiff, staring at the strange machine in the street with people getting inside sort of like a car.
We saw the last person get inside and he closed the door and one of the uniform soldiers pounded on the outside and stepped away and looked around to make sure they were clear and he gestured toward the sky to the pilot. The blade kept accelerating and about twenty seconds later there was a sudden blast of wind and dust as it lifted off the street.
They lifted up to maybe 80 feet then turned sharply toward the northeast and departed, gaining altitude quickly, I assumed they were flying to the airport. I thought about what the Mexican drug guy across the street would have thought of a helicopter parked in front of his house! I'm sure that would have pushed him over the edge!
While all that was going on I was on my knees on the grass with my arm over Crow's shoulders, he leaned against me. I told him, "Crow, see plane? Plane (I said it once very slowly). People and dogs go bye-bye in plane." Crow seemed very interested and he watched the entire process until the dust cloud hit. We squinted our eyes and Crow looked away, but a moment later the gust suddenly ended and that was when we watched them disappear behind the trees.
Before I stood up I told Crow one last time: Plane. The way I taught him, anything mechanical flying in the sky was called: Plane, just like all motor vehicles were called: Car. I thought someday I should type up his vocabulary.
I should add here that I noticed that most dogs kind of ignore almost everything above the ground. Of course it's easy to say that, no dog can argue the point. But let's not forget that dog eyesight sees a wider area than humans. When we were on the state park beach in Galveston was the first time I saw Crow react to birds in the sky.
By 4pm the crowd was down to about nine visitors, and the hot food was gone. Tom tried to carry empty pans off the tables but Gram told him to stop. Dan left with his mother but we hugged in the third bedroom first, Tom left us alone for that part.
By 5:00pm the funeral crowd was almost gone. We'd filled two trash cans with plastic plates and garbage from feeding over sixty people. I started to carry one bag to the garage but Gram stopped me and told me the caterer would take it. Sure enough at 5:35pm the van backed into our driveway. He started to quickly haul stuff away, like that ugly refrigerator and all the trash. He handed Gram another fat bank envelope and was gone in eighteen minutes. By 6pm it was just the five of us, Crow, my grandparents, Tom and me.
Tom and I stood by the sofa and watched him bring in the 2-wheel hand cart, unplug the refrigerator, and lean it back and roll it out to the driveway, where he leaned it on its side and slid it in the back doors. Next, he emptied the tables, set the food warmers on the floor and rolled up the paper table covers (trash and all). He collapsed both tables and slid them in the van. Then came all the food warmers stacked on top of each other like buckets, and last he grabbed the bags of trash. I stood in the living room watching as he shut the back doors and left.
I asked Gram if she knew who he was. Gram said, "No, but his name was on the business card. I think he works a region of the country for when top brass at the Pentagon suddenly die."
I asked her, "Was Mom top brass?" Because I never heard her say it.
Gram kind of stood there thinking for a few seconds then she nodded yes and said, "Top brass without the brass. She had something worth more than brass."
"What's that?" I asked with Tom and Crow standing beside me.
"A PhD in Chemistry and an extremely fast brain. She told me once when she started taking classes at the university that chemistry just made sense to her, like she was born with it." Then Gram added that Mom didn't get that from her, maybe it came from Grandpa's father who was a math whiz and a Chemist.
Around 6:30pm Daniel emailed me that he was glad he was there because he never would have believed my story without seeing it with his own eyes.
I never saw people from school at the funeral, it was too crowded, I was too teary eyed. I mostly sat there and stared at my hands and tried not to cry.
Before our last visitor left I added to Gram's list to call school Monday and ask if I could take all my finals on one day as soon as possible. And I also added to the list that I wanted a small Honda or Toyota with good gas mileage and it didn't have to be new or fancy. I didn't care if it had air conditioning, but it had to have good speakers and an FM radio, maybe a tape player.
I also added to the list that we needed the phone lines switched for the two bedrooms. She added that to the list. I asked her, "Gram, if you don't mind me asking, what was in the envelope that caterer guy handed you?"
"It was another gift from your mother's friends at the Pentagon to help you make ends meet until the insurance paid." Then she added that I handled myself well meeting them.
"Like how much are we talking?" I asked about the cash envelope.
"I haven't opened it." Grandpa pulled it from his shirt pocket and opened it and spread it on the kitchen counter. It was sequential new 100 dollar bills, one hundred fifty of them she counted. "What was in the first one?" She answered, "About the same, but that came from here in Amarillo."
"What do they mean by, until the insurance pays?"
"Well it's not been started yet but the way Lisa worked her insurance was if she died before you finished college a 'complex trust fund' would be established and managed by your grandfather and later on by a group of trustees until all the money was gone."
"Like how much are we talking?"
"Are you sure you want me discussing this right now? This is a very private matter you know."
"Tom, would you mind if we had a private conversation for a few of minutes?"
"I don't care!" He said shrugging his shoulders and walked back to my room with Crow. I thought he looked slightly upset as he left. I spoke across the room as him as he walked away, "I'll come get you."
We heard the door click shut. I stood up and looked down the empty hallway. "Well Robbie, it started off at two based on what she had accrued here with her insurance policies and work benefits, but we didn't know she was also on the Pentagon payroll and also working for the US Navy and all of them aren't reporting yet but the number has risen to about three now and we haven't figured in the sale of her property or her stocks and patents or her fabric company, and we don't have a complete accounting of her savings and IRA or 401k yet. So it should increase but we have no idea yet and it may take a year to know the extent of her assets. And nothing's going to happen until I can get an official copy of the death certificate to deliver to the insurance agent here in town."
"Let me see if I get this straight. My mom was a chemist and somehow amassed a fortune of over three million dollars by the age of 39?"
"Well honey, we're talking military spending and top secret weapons development, there are huge secret budgets for those things. She was the right person at the right place. She developed weapons that worked well and saved the tax payers a lot of money. She was rewarded for her work. She was just a mother to you but she was also a genius to her coworkers who knew how to design a big warhead that fit in a very small space. We'll never know all she really did. But remember this one thing, she loved you more than anyone else on earth and her bosses bosses boss was the President of the United States and she was a loyal American."
"Wow. That is like totally mind blowing. I gotta go get Tom out of seclusion before his feelings get hurt even more."
"Robbie honey, you need to keep this private for your safety. Remember, those police cars are out there because of what happened in the past, okay son?" Then Gramps added that the number is going to rise, maybe another zero once everything is accounted for. In my mind I thought three million times four is over ten million bucks. Holy shit, I could retire and not even go to college!
"Thanks." I dashed back to the bedroom, walked in to see Tom watching TV from the bed. He looked slightly annoyed. I tried to act like nothing just happened.
I told Tom I would explain everything to him during the week as I learned more, they were using words I didn't understand, and I had a ton more questions. He went along but still looked annoyed at being asked to leave the room.
Just out of curiosity I looked up Gustavo Catering in the phone book. There was no such business in the Amarillo phone book or the Potter County phone book, so I searched online on CompuServe and on their network search crawler and found one listed on 33rd St NW in Washington, DC.
Daniel called at 9pm to check on me.
Everyone went to bed around 10:30pm. Tom and I went straight to the shower. We stayed in it until the water started to cool. He said with the new big bathtub and fancy shower enclosure he's wanting to take more showers!
We didn't do anything that night.
Monday morning.
We woke up to the alarm clock at 8am, I could smell the same breakfast again. We got dressed into shorts and t-shirts and went to the kitchen bar to eat. Gram was on the phone, she had a ton of stuff to get done. Grandpa suggested we go run errands. He asked Tom how much longer he would he hanging around. Tom told him he planned to stay until Tuesday morning then go home to study for semester finals.
That morning we bought a slightly used futon mattress (at Goodwill) for Crow and it fit nicely in the trunk. We stopped and looked at used cars at the Honda dealer (Crow was at home with Gram, all she had to do was let him out the back door).
Tom was amazed at the concept of just looking, deciding, and buying a car. We picked out a 1991 Honda Civic Coupe with 19,400 miles, the original owner died. Grandpa paid cash from the envelopes ($9950). Then we drove to State Farm and paid for six months of liability insurance (high risk because I'm 18). I drove it home but Tom rode with Grandpa in the other car so they could talk I assume. He never mentioned their conversation but I assume he spoke about secrecy and protection. My grandparents knew a lot more about what Mom did at work than me.
We got home by 1pm, Gram was still on the phone. She had three pages of notes from different conversations she'd completed.
"Robbie, you can take your finals tomorrow morning, report to the Board of Education office at 8am with your student ID card." She read off her note pad.
"Where's that?"
She fumbled a page ahead and two pages back and said, "It's across the street from the Cap Rock High School main entrance (2818 E 34th Ave). That's a funny name for a school, I wonder what it means?" She quipped.
Then Tom interrupted and said, "Caprock is a geologic formation underground that keeps natural gas and oil from reaching the surface." He never mentioned it was also his high school! Then he offered to take me there tomorrow on his way home.
"Sure I guess so." I said looking at him thinking about being without him for the first time since you-know-what happened. Tom saw my angst and took my hand in his and winked at me. I looked at Gram, she smiled. It was the first time we did anything gay in front of them, holding hands. It went okay.
"Who else is hungry?" Gramps blurted out as if he was trying to change the subject. Gram said the kitchen was nearly out of food but there are still some packages of frozen meat out in the freezer.
Then Tom spoke up. "I don't think I can stand another slice of that sub. Can we have something warm for lunch?" "Yeah!" I immediately agreed with Tom. The kitchen was nearly out of food and the cash they gave us was all gone except for about $900 bucks after buying the car and insurance. We also paid the dealer to do some suggested repairs. Like the windshield had a big stone chip.
The old folks looked at each other knowing they knew little about dining in Amarillo. We all sort of stared at each other and Grandma got teary eyed realizing that if Mom was here this would be a no-brainer.
I suggested we could eat at Star's Diner but Tom said it wouldn't look good for him to show up when he was off work supposedly studying for finals.
I got an idea so I went to my room, grabbed the card and back in the kitchen called Stephanie Zeller. She answered!
"Amarillo Police, Chief Detective Zeller speaking."
"You told me I could call for any problem, right?"
"Hi Detective, this is Robbie Davis. My grandparents and I need to go out for two meals today, what places would you recommend?"
"Oh that's easy, for breakfast we all like Star's on Osage Street. And for lunch we love the Kosher deli on the corner of 10th Avenue at Tyler Street. For dinner we recommend Luceros Steak and Fajita downtown, look for the signs, they're rather close to each other."
Then Gramps shouted to tell her the money is nearly gone, and we need groceries too. She told me she heard his voice and she'd get on it, plus she would call those places and tell them we were coming.
"That's fine, thank you Stephanie."
"Not a problem, we're here to help. Bye."
After that Tom and I carried the futon mattress into my room and covered it with a bed sheet and put an extra pillow on it then I called Crow and showed him the bed and told him it was his dog bed. He tested it out but didn't look excited. I think as he got older a lower bed would be easier for his aging hips, plus Mom's bed was too high for him. I planned on lowering it some day after we buy some kind of tool set.
Tom said, "It looks to me like getting up from a bed on the floor might be just as bad as trying to climb onto her bed in the first place." So I said I read that many people build a small bed frame for the giant breed dogs at exactly the correct height for them. I added our sofa was nearly a perfect height for him today, he can rest his butt on the cushion just like a human. My grandparents laughed, they'd never seen a dog do that before. I told them he might not want to do it on command but we can try. But I convinced them he started doing it on his own, we did not teach him to do it.
We walked him to the TV room and I got him to sit on the sofa. He kind of backed-up to it and rested the back of his legs and his butt on the sofa but still stood on his front legs on the floor. They laughed hysterically at the sight.
As soon as it started I grabbed his collar and we ran to my room and shut the door. I got on my knees by him and hugged him and apologized for them laughing. I told Crow they don't know dogs very well, never saw a dog sit on the sofa before. I kissed his face and told him he was a good dog. I left Crow on his new bed and re-joined the meeting but never mentioned them laughing at Crow, but I was still mad.
Several minutes later I got the map program loaded on my computer and Gramps and I looked at downtown and I showed him the deli and Luceros. I wrote the locations down and the streets to take and we left in the Honda Civic. I told him we could take Bell Street by the high school north to Plains Avenue and it turns into 10th Avenue and goes right by Rosen's Pastrami.
For lunch we got carry out, the house special was pastrami on rye. The guy behind the counter said the bill was already paid, come back anytime. We left and drove about ten blocks to Luceros and did the same thing but it was dinner, we all got deluxe fajita kits, but we also got wine and pop to drink for tonight. They told us how to re-warm the kit at home, but some things inside should not be nuked, like the raw vegetables.
Because nobody else would I ordered extra so Crow could eat with us. For him I ordered four plain beef burritos without lettuce, onion, or a scoop of black beans. When we were at Rosen's I ordered an extra large Pastrami sandwich knowing I would share it with Crow.
Gram asked Tom why some restaurants had a carry-out only menu. Tom said some meals were impossible to pack without leakage so the restricting factor was what would fit in a to-go container and not leak all over the car. He said that carry-out containers can get expensive, even if you buy them by the case.
Tom said there are tiny marks in their menu for items they cannot pack for carry-out, like their soups and chili. He suggested since people are buying re-usable grocery bags that people should buy leak proof carry-out containers and bring them to the restaurant.
At Luceros Gramps got out the money envelope but the girl behind the counter said our order was already paid, come back any time!
We got home. Tom wasn't talking much but happy to be eating. He was really curious about how all this stuff was getting `arranged' without much effort or expense and who was paying and exactly what was going on. I took him to the bedroom and closed the door.
"Tommy, listen. This is all new to me too. Until seventy two hours ago Mom was just Mommy. Now I found out this weekend at the same time you did that three levels above Mom was Bill Clinton. As far as I knew she worked at a chemical plant that made military stuff and that's all I knew. Now I know that I'm in a small amount of danger because my Mom was something like Edward Teller and bad guys from Iran or China or who knows where might try to torture me for what I know, so I'm being followed and kept quiet and it's all new and you need to trust me that I'm just a boy like you and I don't know anything and I love you very much and we really need to not talk about all this stuff and go along and shut the fuck up. Okay?" I said ending with a slightly annoyed tone to my voice.
"Well, I can shut up that's not a problem. Besides nobody'd believe this story anyway."
"Can you drop me off on your way home so I can take finals at the office place?"
"No problemo."
"Cool. Can we talk some more about stuff today then?"
"Again, not a problem."
"Cool." I told him staring into his eyes. I stepped into him and turned my head a little so we could kiss. I could tell from his kiss that he was not engaged. So I backed off right away, smiled, and went back to the kitchen to eat.
This time I took the beef burritos and sliced them into four pieces each and put them in his food bowl and nuked it for about 15 seconds and put it in his stand (which was back in the utility room). He sniffed it for about four seconds first, this was all new stuff for him. I'm sure Crow smelled stuff he didn't care for but ate it anyway. I don't think he's a fan of most veggies and fruit, or ground hot peppers.
We've spoiled him a bit with food since he was born. I bet if he could talk he'd do his best Thurston Howell III imitation and say: Lovey, the meat in these burritos is well done, you know I only eat beef medium rare!
Sometimes life just sucks!
We ate lunch and stretched out on the sofa and talked about school and college and what we wanted to do. Grandpa called someone he knew in Galveston about photography education, and journalism and jobs. He was on the phone for a while. Gram had calls to make too so I plugged in the cordless in my old room and handed it to her so she could make calls from anywhere in the house.
Suddenly Crow stood in the TV room doorway and barked loudly, which was a total surprise. So I asked him what he wanted and he glanced toward the kitchen door. I let him out in the back yard and cleaned his mess then we went back to my room and stretched out on the bed and talked more.
It was really weird that he did that. Normally he stands by the door and prances. We hear his toe nails ticking and go let him out. I guess nobody was watching him when his need became immediate.
It took me about two hours but I got Mom's computer configured to look like mine. I looked at her links and stuff, she really was a chemistry geek. Most of the stuff I didn't understand. I think she was tutoring people in algebra for balancing chemical equations in a volunteer group on CompuServe. I notified all those people of her passing. Tom used my old computer in my old room to check his email.
Daniel wrote about taking one final, having a two hour lunch and watching one boring film and getting out early today. I spent time in bed reviewing my class notes.
My Honda Civic got towed away by the dealer then returned late in the afternoon after getting a new windshield, a front end alignment, and four new tires and brake pads.
Tom talked in Spanish on the phone in front of us for almost three minutes. I don't speak fluent Spanish but I heard the word for car several times and school and finals too. When he was done I asked him if he needed to run home, he said he'd be back in a couple hours. He left and came back by 8:30pm. We went to bed not too long after he came back. He drove my Honda home and back. I was glad to see the Buick was gone forever.
We went to my room, Tom closed the door and told me, "You know the Crown-Vic with the fed license plates was still about a block down the street."
"No Tom, I don't know and I don't care. My grandparents said there's nothing to worry about so I'm not worried. All I want right now is to sleep with you." We stripped to our underwear and got between the sheets. I set the alarm clock and lowered my head to the pillow.
He was behind and I hugged the pillow and closed my eyes but we usually chat a little before falling asleep. I honestly forgot all about Crow, but he actually slept on the dog bed. So telling him it was a Dog-Bed when we put a sheet on it must have worked. Otherwise he would have walked over by my face and nudged my hand with his nose to remind me he needed help getting in bed, he never asked to join us.
"I'm sorry." Tom whispered.
"Huh?" I questioned.
"I'm sorry your Mom died."
"I'm sorry your father died."
"We're even, sort of. It sucks to be human I guess."
"I have an idea if you'd care to hear it?"
"Okay." He said in a relaxed tone.
"Why don't we both graduate from school as scheduled, then we move to Galveston. You start school in culinary management, I'll go for journalism and photographic arts. We live off my trust fund, and we eventually consider buying a restaurant and get good insurance for flood and hurricanes and live our lives and learn to surf and take care of Crow and be like real people?"
"What's a `trust fund'?"
"It's a bank account with very strict rules, I'll have one eventually from Mom's life insurance."
"Would it pay for someone else's college tuition?" He asked.
"I dunno but let's say I had a bill for $300 a month for something weird like a gym membership. I could use that money from the account to pay your tuition."
"Okay I got to talk to Management, but that's pretty much been my idea too, except I wouldn't return to Amarillo to open a place I'd be doing it in the 2nd most party city in Texas, the city on the beach, the 2nd most popular Spring Break hot spot, Galveston Island! Dude!"
"Cool. She can call me if she has any preguntas." I reminded him.
"Muy bien then. (pause) Robbie?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you." He said still staring at the ceiling like me.
"Tomas, Yo te quiero."
Then I told Tom we should make a run to Galveston some weekend to look if we can see what parts of town stayed above the flooding during the last hurricane, then we can buy a small restaurant there and open your diner. He said it sounded like a great idea.
Tuesday:
Tom dropped me off in front of the school administration building. I was taken to a small meeting room and spent the entire day there, only let out for water and trips to the bathroom. They had vending machines in their break room but I forgot to bring change so I couldn't eat.
I took all my finals and left at 3:19pm. When I left I stunk like arm pit and ass and felt like crap and my butt was sore from sitting all day.
When I left the building I stopped and looked around the neighborhood and realized I had no idea how to get home (other than walking west on 34th Avenue) so I started walking toward Tom's house, north of 34th Avenue on Nelson Street. I waited for a break in the traffic on 34th Ave and ran across five lanes of traffic to a convenience store.
When I saw an Amarillo Police car I tried to flag it down but they never saw me, so I kept walking. About the time I got to 22nd Avenue a dark Crown-Vic drove up and some guy with sunglasses rolled down the window and said, "Robert, you need a lift?"
"Sure, you the guys from outside our house?"
"Yah." Said the man in the passenger seat.
"Sure." I responded thinking it was somewhat cool but happy nobody on this side of town knew me.
They drove me across town and dropped me off in the student parking lot of my school. I walked the last 600 feet home after shouting `THANKS!' to them as they drove off. Actually they were circling around to stay a couple hundred feet behind me. On the ride across town the driver told me they were not allowed to speak to me, so we sat in silence all the way home, it's like seven miles from Caprock High School to my house. If I walked I wouldn't get home until after dark, but I could take the 34th Ave bus but I had no money for bus fare with me.
I walked in the kitchen door at 3:59pm. Gram had a look of worry on her face and wanted to know how things went. Then Grandpa walked in followed by Crow, I told them about my day from hell in a small room in a wooden chair for seven hours with no lunch, taking all my tests but that I think I did okay, especially history and mass media which I was sure I got about 100% correct on. I was done for the semester and ready to move on and re-start school in six days on Monday morning.
Gram told me they went to Piggly Wiggly and re-stocked the kitchen today, I sort of applauded their work, but I was sure she never considered dog food and we'll run out tomorrow, so I told them I needed money for dog food and I could drive there tomorrow. The stuff we buy is expensive because it's real food, not fake junk. But I'll probably buy three bags for $100 bucks! The stuff at the vet is four times more expensive than the stuff at the store. But I want Crow to have the best life possible, I gave him my word the day he was born.
In my room I emailed Tom and Dan. Gram told me the phone lines got switched around today. A new mattress for them was being delivered tomorrow. A new water heater was being installed tomorrow too, and she talked to the realtor today, they expected to be able to sell our place in a month or two.
We discussed apartments, she said the realtor was investigating that too and would know more tomorrow. She also told me that Grandpa was driving back to Galveston on Wednesday morning, she decided to stay until graduation.
I asked about the death certificate and she said she got three of them today and made copies, and gave one to the realtor but still need to show her the will that makes her the executor of Mom's estate, so Gram will be the legal money boss in a couple more days.
The email I got back from Tom said he explained things to his Mom, she was pleased with his plans, she said they had cousins in Galveston, she liked the Buick and agreed to trade with Tom once the car was transferred. Tom sounded excited about Galveston and was trying to get as much info as he could. He talked to a counselor at school who heard of the Galveston Culinary program and management school and gave him an entire folder of stuff she had on the school. He said there was a big gay community in Galveston too (compared to Amarillo).
That evening at dinner Gramps said he was leaving to go home tomorrow morning. And I didn't notice when I got back but the dead police car was gone from the street now.
That evening I talked to Tom by phone for about fifteen minutes then took a shower and went to bed. It felt good just to not be sitting after spending all day in a prison cell taking tests.
Grandpa left very early the next morning (without waking me up to say bye) and made it safely home late that night. Gram said he drove the route from Amarillo to Oklahoma City to Dallas, Houston, and Galveston. She said he probably drove 90mph the entire way.
The next week Monday I returned to school and got cards from teachers and a few classmates. People asked me about the helicopter and the security, one person said it was mentioned in the evening TV news too. I played dumb and said it was all local people that the place was packed and I never saw the chopper, but I heard it take off.
Eventually it quieted down and I went back to being my quiet invisible self, and body guard for Daniel. Gram and I kept seeing the dark colored cars at a distance the rest of the school year. I think they were on campus too but nobody ever said a thing to me about it. They were supposedly watching me from the office on the security camera monitors.
About three weeks later I drove to the cemetery with Tom to visit Mom's grave then his father's grave too. He stayed in the car and let me and Crow go talk to Mom ourselves. Crow eventually figured out that Mommy was never coming home. I eventually stopped crying for no reason.
Bethany stopped calling me, and I heard she had an actual boyfriend.
Tom started calling daily because he wanted to hear my voice.
Tom and Daniel became friends. He taught Tom a few simple phrases in ASL.
I really loved them both but I could see myself living a long time with Tom and never getting tired of looking at him. He's so gorgeous.
I saw the guys who fucked with Dan in the hallway, their ISS ended and they were back roaming the hallways looking for something else stupid to do. I got the stink eye from them but laughed out loud.
Write the author: borischenaz mailfence
A lot has changed since the story began. The dog has grown up, Lisa Davis died mysteriously at the same time the Pentagon was starting to worry about their safety, and now Naval Intelligence is openly following Robert and his grandparents around. Was that them in the Crown Vic cars parked nearby everywhere they went all along? Tom thinks it was, but he was the only one willing to go look in car windows.
The lead detective in Amarillo also confirmed that Naval Intelligence is watching Robert and his grandparents. How long until Robert is out of danger? Who is he being protected from?
Tom's mother has had a partial change of heart about him leaving Amarillo to go to college, and rumors circulated around Caprock when Tom started driving himself to school in his lover's mother's car! But the Impala is registered to Tom. He pays half of two paychecks each month for insurance since he's 18.
The Amarillo Police were told the anti-nuke group Mothers for Peace celebrated when Lisa Davis died, they saw her as an evil genius. The police are still investigating her death as a possible homicide but nobody in the Davis family knows that yet.
The Webmaille thread/fabric business is for sale along with the patents for making the thread. It's located in a 150'x150' industrial building on the east side of town near the airport and employs 14 people. They make hundreds of yards of mostly navy blue fabric daily, all of it is sold long before it's made.
After Gramps left to drive back to Galveston Crow spent about an entire day searching for him in every room of the house, even though he sat on the sofa and said good bye to Crow, face to face. To cheer him up Gram actually bought a box of vanilla ice cream sandwiches but has not yet treated the dog.
Gram was upset to learn that Robert's old bed frame could not support the weight of a waterbed mattress so she had to settle for an ordinary mattress, and got herself all new bedding. She told Tom that back in 1982 when they moved to Amarillo and bought that house she paid $140k for it, but they are asking $430k now and expects the next owner will have an in-ground pool installed ASAP!
Note: this book will end around chaps 20-21.