"My God, my tourniquet. Return to me salvation. My wounds cry for the grave. My soul cries for deliverance. Will I be denied, Christ, tourniquet, my suicide?" More brownie points for the one that can tell me what song that is. So far two or three people have named the song from the previous chapter. They are hereby named official Kickass Ravers. Oh, so you wanna be a Kickass Raver, too? Then get with it, guys. Just a side note, things don't have to make sense in my world. Muah ha ha.
Disclaimer: Seriously, if you haven't read this shit yet, you're never gonna. From now on, the "disclaimer" will be my personal rant section! Everybody say yay! What, bitch? No yay? I WILL END YOU, NOW YAY, DAMN IT! :D Hehe, jk. But really, the author, me, is not a bastard like the main character of this story, even though we do have some things in common. Please continue your wonderful support of this story, as it has been absolutely heavenly getting all of these emails from people who have written in to tell me what an ass they think my main character is! Thanks you guys, and I love you all!! (Nah, that wasn't sarcastic, I'm sincere... seriously... gyah, I just sound sarcastic, don't I?)
An uneventful day. An uneventful week. An uneventful life. A life full of annoyances and little things that make me want to jump off a cliff. That's what I have. Even with Jonathan... things get to me. Especially because of Jonathan, actually.
Some amount of days ago, he'd come in my window, as you recall. I can't remember exactly how long ago it was. My days melt together, and I don't know where one begins and the other ends. He left after walking me home and kissing me on the cheek. I hadn't heard from him since.
So, is it strange I felt a little... left out? Maybe even a little bit unloved. I don't know what I was feeling, but it wasn't a good feeling. It was one of those that keeps your mind in darkness, unable to point out exactly what's bothering you. One of those feelings that makes you want to jump out of your skin.
Once again, is it strange that I wanted to get rid of that feeling? Many of you don't approve of some of the things I do. My reply to you is that it is my body, my life, and I can fuck it up all I want, and you should never say a word about it. Someone once said "Ya better leave my business and mind your own." Bob Marley, dufus.
So, anyway, I was in the car in the morning with my dear mother, who was currently bitching about something I found to be irrelevant. So, I ignored it, while offering the occasional uh-huh, nod, and affirmative answer. The only reason I was putting up with human company was to get a ride to Wal-Mart.
I love Wal-Mart. There are so many things there that can be so much fun if you know about them. Did you know that diphenhydramine, the active ingredient in most allergy medicines, is a deliriant? What about the fact that Dramamine is a psychoactive drug? Or maybe that dextromethorphan hydrobromide, a common medicine found in any non-narcotic cough medication, when taken in excessive amounts, is a dissociative anesthetic? I bet you didn't know that. By the way... none of you dumbasses out there get any ideas about taking OTC drugs in huge amounts. You can kill yourself surprisingly easy. In fact, acetaminophen, which is found in all three of those preparations most of the time, is fatal in large doses, poisoning the liver and killing you very slowly and painfully.
Point is, I know what I'm doing. So, as I stepped into the store, I made a straight run for the pharmacy section. I looked around at anyone who might notice a strange looking teenager, and saw only a woman busy stocking things behind the counter. I gave a cough for effect, and browsed the cough drops. I made my way over to the prize I was after; Robitussin Cough Gels. They come in a bottle of twenty small, red gel caps, with an R boldly stamped on them. Each one contains only dextromethorphan, with no other medicines, and is therefore safe. I picked up two of the bottles, and tucked one under the other so it looked as if I were carrying only one.
Sauntering back down the aisle, I made my way towards the bathrooms. I quickly stepped into a stall, and ripped open both of the packages, and opened the bottles. After breaking the safety seal, I dumped the contents into my hand, then transferred it to my pocket. I slammed the plastic, bottle, and paper behind the toilet paper cover dispenser.
I walked out calmly, and met my mother at the car. We rode home in silence, and she dropped me off at the house. I was by myself today, and as soon as I got in, she left for work, and I grabbed a glass of water.
1, 2, 3, 20, 30, 40 of the little pills went into my mouth, five or so at a time until I'd swallowed them all. I sat on my couch and waited. I'd done this a few times before, and found I was quite fond of this particular drug. I was coherent when doing it, and able to think clearly. Benadryl makes me stupid and delirious in excess amounts, and I can't remember any of the things I do while under its influence, so I'm not fond of that particular drug.
I started to feel that familiar twinge in my chest, my heart speeding up ever so slightly. My mouth was a bit drier than normal, but not anything to really annoy me. I felt my mouth numb a bit, and my appetite was gone. I stood up, and felt as if there were no gravity.
Yeah, I'm a druggie. Its my thing. Kiss my ass, k?
The next hour or two was spent in mindless oblivion. I had no rhyme or reason for what I did, it was simply me enjoying the effects of the medicine. I felt none of the annoying aches and pains I did when sober, and actually felt quite wonderful, like I could take on anything with a calm and cool resolution.
I grabbed water and drank down a glass. I don't like drinking or eating anything, and I will absolutely refuse food while on this stuff, but dehydration is something I like to avoid, so I force down water. As I wipe away a stray drop of water from the corner of my mouth, I hear a knock at the door.
At first, I was almost scared. I knew it was easy to tell that I was inebriated with this stuff. It made my pupils huge, and the "robo-walk" is easy to distinguish. Jerky movements and a lack of fine coordination is characteristic, though somehow I'm able to type just fine, and even play my saxophone wonderfully. Oh yeah, I play alto sax, and I'm damn good at it. Just a tidbit of info for you.
I looked out the window, making sure it was none of my relatives. What I saw was almost as strange, and at first I wondered if I was hallucinating. Nope, not that messed up, so he's really there.
It was Jonathan. I opened the door, and backed up. My heart was thumping even faster than normally, and I backed up a bit after opening the door, and sat on the arm of the couch. I gestured for him to come in, and smiled. I was genuinely happy to see him, especially since I would've done anything for him at this moment in exchange for a hug.
"Hey Joey!" He chirped at me. Then he looked a bit closer at me. "What are you on? Your eyes are fucking HUGE, man. You okay?"
"Yeaaaaah, I'm great! No problemo, tis all good. What's up?" I said, not so convincingly. One problem with this... its an anaesthetic, ya know, so it tends to mess up muscle movement that requires you to feel the way the muscle moves, like when you talk. My tongue stumbled a bit, but I still spoke clearly.
"Well, I just came to see you, I missed you. Looks like you've been having fun. Little too much fun, maybe, but whatever floats your boat. Just umm... come sit down with me for a while. Ya look a little tipsy, don't want you falling on anything." He said.
"Sure, we can watch Rurouni Kenshin! I got lotsa epps on my computer. Its in my room, go get it for me? Kenshin's awesome, that he is!" You'd have to watch the anime. Kenshin's the main character, and he talks a little funny. He's very intelligent, hot, and awesome, but he adds "indeed", or "that it is", in almost all of his sentences. Hehe, it's cute when he does it.
"I'll get it. Be right back, don't run away!" He said to me. I was beginning to feel a bit annoyed. I was under the influence, but I was by no means stupefied yet. I got up from the couch, and walked to the closet where we keep all the blankets and stuff, and grabbed my big, fuzzy, soft blanket and a couple of the extra pillows. I walked back into the living room as Jonathan came back in with my computer, and sat it down on the couch. He took the pillows and blanket, and put a pillow down at one end of the couch, and one at the other end. Then, he grabbed me and yanked me towards it.
I had no balance whatsoever, and sudden movement confused my poor legs, but luckily Jonathan's strong, and kept me from falling while he stuck me on the couch and sat behind me with his legs on either side of me. I just noticed he'd already kicked off his shoes. He tossed the blanket over our legs, and cuddled me close to his chest, with his chin on my shoulder.
"You know... I've been thinking about you a lot. I want you, I really do. So listen, be patient with me, okay? I'm trying to be a boyfriend here." He whispered into my ear as I fiddled with the computer.
Just as the theme song of the anime started up, I comprehended what he said. He must have noticed that, since I gasped and spun my head around to look at him with an expression that just said "REALLY!?!?" the way that a lost puppy would look at a boy who wanted to take him home.
Jonathan burst into laughter, turning red and gasping for air before he was finished. I narrowed my eyes, and hissed at him between my teeth, which only served to increase the incredible hilarity of the situation. Growling slightly, I turned my head almost all the way around (a talent of mine), and bit him on the shoulder. Not enough to draw blood or anything, mind you, but I held on with my teeth and snickered around the cloth and shoulder in my mouth.
"Ah biff ooo!" I yelled triumphantly. That translates to "I bit you!" in case you were wondering.
"You evil little gothic ankle-biter!" he yelled at me, with a face full of surprise.
I released my jaw's grip and nuzzled against his neck, replying in a muffled voice. "Nuh-uh, I bites shoulders, mister, and if you make fun of my height again, I'll bite other things."
"Ooh, feisty, just the way I like `em!" Jonathan said and waggled his eyebrows at me, then cuddled me into his arms.
Break, okay? I know you probably get annoyed at me interrupting your story and all, but damn it, I'm allowed `cause I'm special! Now, what you're wondering at this moment is probably "Wow... so does this mean everything's okay now?" Well, dear readers, can you hear my sinister laughter? My pen slides across the page intent with pouring out my story to you with no candy coating, remember? It gets crazy from here on out, baby, and don't expect me to be nice about it. I'm a bitch, and a badass, and a crazy little bastard, that I am.
If this were a movie, this would be where the montage of all the happy events over the next weeks would occur. Sadly though, summer ended all too soon. August was drawing near, and the heat was getting so bad that it felt like a sauna every time you stepped outside. Mississippi has a horrible humidity level, if you ever come here, you'll know what I'm talking about. You can walk outside with a piece of paper, all crisp and nice and straight, and within seconds it'll fold over and be limp, and feel damp to the touch, just from absorbing the moisture from the air. That's how bad it is down here.
So today, on July nineteenth, it is my birthday. Yes, I know, yay me and all that jazz. Just shush and let me tell you what happened, alright?
Things had started looking up. My family actually planned a party for me, and my mom gave me a new cell phone, one of those tiny flip phones that do all the nifty things like play mp3's and all that. I had a cake and everything, it was great. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like things were turning out my way.
"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Joey! Happy birthday to you!" My family all screamed/sang out the words, and I blew out the candles on my cake. The icing was whipped cream icing... the year before, the worst birthday I'd ever had, it'd been buttercream, and my entire family and all my friends know I hate buttercream icing because it's too sweet for me. Everything was going so wonderfully!
After a couple of hours of talking and laughing together, my relatives left, and my immediate family started to drift towards their respective rooms. I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter from my room, stuck `em in my pocket, then chugged the bottle of robitussin DM I'd gotten from the grocery store in town the day before. I figured it was my birthday, and I could get drugged up if I wanted to on my birthday, damn it.
Then, I slipped into some nice tight black jeans, that were just a little loose in the crotch, and grabbed one of my many black shirts with all kinds of designs and sayings on them. This one had "Don't interrupt me while I'm ignoring you, please!" written on it. I put on my boots and told my mom I was going for a walk.
I left the house and started walking toward Jonathan's house. Just as I turned the corner to step into his driveway, he walked out the door holding a cupcake with a single candle lit on top of it.
"Happy birthday to you... Happy birthday to you... happy birthday, dear sexy Joey... happy birthday to you!" He said, all the while walking towards me. No one was on the street, so nobody saw us kissing after I blew out the candle. Jonathan's hands were all over me... well, at least the one that wasn't holding the cupcake was all over me. But I was really coppin' a feel on him. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me, shoving my tongue in his mouth. Finally, I wrenched away from the kiss, gasping for breath, my heart slamming in my chest.
"I love you, " I told him, my forehead resting against his.
"I love you, too, Joey" He replied, twisting a finger through one of my curls. We kissed again, deeply, passionately, and the moon in the sky was the witness to our need for each other that night. Only the moon saw us walk to his back yard, and climb through his bedroom window, disappearing inside. Even the moon didn't see what happened inside there, what caused the moans, gasps, groans, and sighs of contentment that echoed from the bedroom.
The world was turning shades of beautiful purple and blue, happiness was all around me, and finally my life was getting better. Jonathan had rescued me, saved me from my razor blade. I didn't know then that things were going to get so complicated.