Reach for It Chapter 4 By nate_eric@hotmail.com
Arrgh! I have been reminded of the evil of the spell checker! I had someone point out the inconsistency of the main characters name. Yes, He did start out as JIM but became TIM. I will of course not entertain the fact that I may have made a teeny, tiny error. I will therefore blame it on the replace all function. Yeah, that's it!
On other topics I am really enjoying this story, I think it has a bit more mileage in it. If you will for give the slight error in the prior stories, lets see how far we can go. I enjoy the mail. It is humorous and I think it gives me lots of encouragement.
Blah, blah! I don't know 'NSync and I don't know anything about there lives private of public. I just am using their image as a jumping point to hopefully entertain.
Oh, and thanks to David, who tolerates the inane preambles to all of my stories and e-mail's.
I made it to the airport with twenty minutes to spare. I had not packed any clothes, basically just telling my landlord, Mrs. Wrigly, I had to leave for a few days and jumping in the car. I didn't think of consequences, I just knew I had to get on that plane. A few thoughts on Mrs. Allen flashed through my mind, but largely I just let go. It was exhilarating!
The woman at the ticketing counter must have thought I was a lunatic when I ran up with only a plain brown package, the knit blanket, under my arm. She was in her late to early forties and wore too much makeup. Looking at me strangely, no doubt because of my general state of disarray; she stared expectantly at me.
"Hello, My name is Tim James. I think there is a ticket here for me." I looked at her, as she slowly glanced down at the terminal in front for her. She typed a few strokes and seemed distracted. When she finally looked up, she was still looking at me as blankly as you can while still being alive. I silently wondered whether she was or not, I mean the possibility of a mortician putting all that make up on was coming over me.
"May I see some identification?" She mechanically spoke.
I handed her my driver's license. She looked at it and the looked at me, and then she repeated the process about three times.
"Your name is James James?" I imagine she found it funny, most people did. But again her face betrayed no humor.
"It is a family name on my mother's side. She insisted on naming me after her father. I go by my middle name Timothy, or Tim, most of the time." This lady was really depressing me.
She hit a few more keys and then looked at the screen, which was cleverly hiding below my line of sight. I looked at my watch; the plane was scheduled to leave in five minutes.
"You are cutting it close. The plane has finished boarding." She almost seemed pleased I was going to miss the plane, but I reconsidered that because it would have ascribed emotion to the strange woman in front of me. "But there is indeed a ticket for you." She reached down and the machine printed out a boarding pass. She asked the routine questions, did I have any bags to check, did I pack my own bags, and did I receive any packages from strangers.
I looked at my watch and asked, "Could you speed this up I need to get on that plane."
She looked offended and for a moment I thought she would try to stop me. She handed me the ticket and pointed to the gate. I was running before, I heard her speak. I reached the gate just as the flight attendant was moving into the plane. I handed him my ticket and he looked at me.
"Whatever you have to say, it can't be anything to stop me from getting on that plane." I looked at him pleading with my eyes.
"Actually I was going to say, you are the only person in first class." No he ushered me down the boarding way. "We were wondering if anyone would show up. Sit anywhere you like."
I moved onto the plane and sat in the mainly empty area at the front. When I gathered my wits about me, I scanned the rows around me and indeed they were empty. It was strange. I had never flown first class before, and silently thanked Joey for leaving the ticket. I don't know if I could have taken sitting cramped next to some chatty lady who just wanted to know everything, like why I seemed so distracted.
It was very shortly after I boarded the plane that the captain announced we were about to be underway. The flight attendant I had spoken to before came up and checked the seat belt for me.
In a conspiratory tone she spoke quietly, "I won't bore you with the spiel on seat belt and life preservers. If we go down in the ocean, we're screwed." She smiled and I laughed. I enjoyed my mood changing from one of intense pressure, to the quiet joy of a joke.
"Don't worry." I told her. "I know CPR. We'll be fine." She laughed this time.
"Would you like a drink?" She stood up and grabbed the seat as the plane jerked into motion.
"Shouldn't you wait till we take off?" I quizzed her.
"This is first class sir, normal rules don't apply here!" Her smile became infectious.
"I have never flown first class…" I looked at her name badge, "Margaret."
"Really, you look like an old pro! And for the record it's Maggie." She started to go to the galley. "You just look as nervous as a cat with his tail under a rocker. I was sure you would have told me you had never flown before."
I sat back in the seat and nervously played with the seat belt. I took several deep breaths, but could not really relax. Maggie returned as the captain spoke over the intercom, announcing we were about to take off.
"Here." She handed me a blue tinted drink. "This is just what the doctor ordered for pre-flight jitters." I chuckled at that. "What?"
"I am a doctor, and my order would be to keep these coming. It is not the flight that bothers me it is the landing, or rather what is waiting for me there." I tasted the strange concoction, "I don't know what it is but I like it!"
"Sounds like you have some one important waiting for you there! Only a man's heart can give him those kinds of jitters. I bet she is a lucky girl. Cute and a doctor? She would be crazy to turn you down." Maggie stood back. I finally gave her a good glance; she was a medium attractive woman in her late thirties. I saw the wedding ring and pointed to it.
"My problem isn't a she, it is a he. And you probably know dealing with a he is a lot more complicated than a she. I have managed to make it this far without an offer." I gave her a moment to digest what I said. When she showed no sign of shying away. I spoke, "I bet whoever gave you that rock was a lucky man."
"Seventeen years, and I am sure he is a lucky man!" Now she turned with a little bump of her hip and moved to the front of the plane. No sooner had she sat down than the engines revved up and we whooshed to takeoff.
The ride was largely uneventful. True to orders, the blue drinks continued, each had a delightful taste of mint, but the alcohol was no testable. The flight was short so I really did not notice the effects until we had landed and I stood to disembark.
"Whoa!" I felt my legs jell beneath me.
"Definitely more relaxed now." Maggie helped me to open the overhead compartment to withdraw my package. I only then noticed the number of passengers flooding from the rear of the plane. I had fallen into my own world for a while; I thanked Maggie for the liquid relaxation.
"Go ahead." She motioned to the door. "Out there is the guy your looking for, and he damn well better realize it!"
I hugged her, spur of the moment type of thing. "Thanks Maggie. I hope so."
"And if he doesn't! I have a brother you might be interested in." She said and turned to help the other passengers out. I saw a guy in a business suit behind me look surprised.
I walked down the gangplank and into the terminal. I managed to only stumble once before I got my land legs again. The hustle of people was disorienting after the quiet length of the plane trip. I maneuvered over to the seats for the waiting crowd. I realized I had no idea who I was meeting.
"Sir can we ask you about that suspicious package?" I heard the deep voice from behind me. What a way to start the weekend. I was tipsy, at least, and now would spend the next few hours talking to airport rent a cops.
I turned to be face to face with Justin and Lance. I recognized the voice as Lance in retrospect.
"You guys!" I reached out and grabbed Justin's outstretched hand, where in he pulled me into a hug, catching me off guard.
"Glad to see you made it. I was telling Scoop we would be spending the night in the bar, 'cause you were going to chicken out." He stood back and I took in his thin frame, dressed in a wife beater and a pen button down with some Hawaiian print. I looked at him.
"Are you old enough to get in a bar?" The shot came out as good-natured as it was intended and I got a punch in the arm for it. Lance just laughed, and it caught me in a twinge. I again felt a little of the soreness he had left me with, in my ego. He was cute, that I could not disagree with. Dressed in a Polo t-shirt that hung low over his jeans and topped with an Old Miss b-ball hat, his eyes electrified you with their changing shades of green.
"Lance, how are you?" It sounded a little harsher than I meant it, but I softened it by holding out a hand which he readily took. Just to shake. He noticed my tone, but let it wash off.
"I deserved that. I wanted to say I am sorry for the last time we saw each other. I was out of line." He seemed so sincere and with those puppy eyes, how was I to say no to such an apology.
"I am sorry myself. I was the victim of my own feelings. I usually have a tough skin, but I relaxed too much around you guys. I guess it stung a little more than it should." I noticed we still were holding hands. He seemed to make and internal choice and jerked me into a hug like Justin had. He seemed only to hold on a bit stronger, though. I filed that away. Something was bothering me on the edge of my mind about Lance and I was going to find out what it was.
"Let's get you bags and we'll be on our way." Justin reached for the bag I was holding.
"I didn't bring any luggage. I was kinda late in my decision to come on here." Justin thought for a second. "Cool, shopping! We are staying at the Omni, I suppose they should have a few of the essentials for the price we pay, or rather the record company pays."
"You can borrow some of my clothes till then." Lance spoke up. I didn't expect that. "I mean we are a little the same size and I know we seem to have similar tastes…must be that we grew up around the same place."
"Thanks Lance, I appreciate it. But we can just stop and buy something tonight. If ya'll are at the Omni that is not to far from a mall, the MARTA comes right in there." It looked like Lance was a little put out I didn't accept.
"You've been to Atlanta?" Justin asked.
"Yeah, I have some relatives that live here. Or rather some southern relatives." I smiled at Justin who had no Idea what I was talking about. "I don't know about in Mississippi, but where I came from we have people that our parents are good friends with. Not blood kin, but we call them relatives anyway."
"Cool. But lets wait to shop tomorrow." Justin led the way out of the terminal. Lance reached for the bag I had, I nearly stumbled as he took it. "Had a few on the plane?"
"Yeah, I was nervous for some reason and the flight attended suggested this blue drink. It worked really well to relax me." I turned over my shoulder and looked at the gate to see Maggie standing there. She saw me and gave me the thumbs up. I smiled and we walked out.
The guys had rented a Grand Cherokee and we piled in. I sat in the passenger's side and Justin drove. Lance pulled up the rear. It was about ten when we got to the hotel. We walked up to the lobby after the valet had taken the car away.
As we walked through the lobby, we passed the desk, "Hey, don't I need to check in?"
Lance turned to me, "No, we just thought you would stay with us. We can get you another room if you want?"
"That's ok, if ya'll want but I already feel like I have put you out. I could have paid for my own ticket and room." I suddenly felt like a burden.
"Chill, dude!" Justin slowed and threw his arm around my shoulders. "A) We don't pay for this the studio does, B) we want you to stay with us. It would be no fun at all if we had to hunt you down in this hotel to find you."
"O.K." I walked with Justin's arm around me until we got to the elevator and he had to use his right hand to hit the button.
"So where are "We" staying?" I saw he hit the tenth floor button.
"One of the suites. Three bed rooms, living room, balcony looking out over Olympic park." Lance spoke up.
"Three bed rooms. I hope you can do the math, there are six of us." I pointed out.
"I thought you would share a room with scoop." This got Lance's attention.
"I thought Joey was going to share a room with him again?" He seemed genuinely surprised. I nearly choked, again!
"Joey told you I stayed with him the other night?" I managed to get out seemingly nonchalantly.
"Dude I know you were upset. That is the Jo-miester, he is kind to all. He told us you slept there 'cause he didn't want to let you drive back upset." Justin threw that out. It was obvious that they took Joey's word explicitly and didn't know the explicitness I had with Joey's …ah…word.
"Sorry dude, Joey and Me are gonna share, we both have to leave first in the am for the photo shoot, gotta get early to look this good!" Justin preened in the shiny brass of the elevator interior. "JC and Chris are sharing since they both have to do stuff with music in the morning." He smiled and turned to Lance. "Scoop you are quiet as a mouse in the morning. We thought you should share with Tim, you won't wake him up."
Lance seemed to swallow quietly, as did I.
The room was fantastic! Spacious, well lit and super comfortable, when coming home from a busy day this is where you want to stay. We walked in after Lance fished in his pocket for the cardkey and inserted it in the door.
Inside the rest of the crew were sitting around the T.V. and seemed to be playing one of those hotel video games.
Joey was the first to yell and jump up. I had thought thing s would be weird between us, but they weren't. We immediately hugged and slapped each other on the back. It was like seeing you brother again, in an Arkansas kind of way.
"Hey dude!" Joey seemed ecstatic. "Finally someone to bring in the noize besides these bozo's."
"Ha! Joe has been sitting there in front of the tube since we got here. I think he got a little tired out after that concert last night. He talked about some girl that was in the front row flashing him all night." Chris came over and again shook my hand and pulled me into a hug.
"I bet he was up all night after that." I added bringing around of boos from the crowd. "No, I just mean he probably had to work out the tension she caused…in his muscles." Again everyone booed my joke but snickers came all round. Now I got it as Joey grabbed me in some kind of headlock and scratched my head with his knuckles.
"I didn't ask. How long are you guys staying. I had planned to stay until Monday." I turned to JC. He rapidly became the speaker for the group.
"We are heading out Monday to get to the next stop. The concert is Tuesday night." He came over and slapped me on the back. "We told you, we like having new people around, you weaseled in fast."
"Ha, ha, I take you guys out for dinner and now I get flown around the country. What gives." The group got kind of quiet for a second.
Joey interjected, "Must be you gave a good time." I bent my head and laughed, but not before I saw Chris turn a little red. At least one person knew, interesting. I was not the only person to get boos now.
"So guys, what are we gonna do tonight?" Lance walked over to a refrigerator under the bar and started throwing colas around.
"Seeing as how we have a tour guide with us now we should ask him? Tim here is a frequent visitor to the greater Atlanta metroplex." Justin informed the group.
"Now, now! I have been here once or twice, but I don't know a whole bunch about it." I tried to placate everyone.
"We had a long night last night and an early morning tomorrow. We need sleep, tomorrow will be play time." JC gave his fatherly tone.
"Yes, yes children, you all know it is past our bedtimes!" Justin mimicked a child's voice.
"I don't know about you all but I am starving. To many complementary beverages will be bad for the head in the morning if I don't eat tonight. I was in a hurry when I left and didn't have time to eat." I walked over and sat down on the brown suede L-shaped couch.
"He even for got to pack clothes." Justin informed.
"Not the recurrence of "Shopping Justin"?" Joey looked dismayed. "God will it ever end?"
Chris looked at me, "Fool, do you know what that means. He will kill you with his super power, Buy-onics" he mouthed the words like a badly dubbed Chinese movie. I couldn't help but laugh.
"If you didn't pack, what's in the bag?" JC pointed to my plain brown wrapped item.
"It is a long story. But one I will tell over dinner, to loyal companions only." I looked around.
"No Club?" Joey looked beaten.
"I'll tell you what. You guys have what, a photo shoot in the morning?" I saw a group of nods. "What time will you be finished?"
"Should be done at one." Lance provided.
"I'll tell you what. I will go in the morning and make some preparations to take you all out to a place you will never forget. Where you can be yourselves and no one will question." I held an heir of mystery.
"Where you taking us? You know the people we travel with, it puts certain obligations on where we go." JC spoke being the father again.
"I promise I will discuss the entire trip with the entourage. I am taking you down the rabbit hole, to a wonderfully weird and fun place." I knew I was peaking their curiosity. "Don't worry, it is a completely harmless place, just not well know. It caters to specific clientele and nothing will tarnish your reputations." I did the sign for scouts honor. Chris gave me the Vulcan livelong and prosper sign.
We left the room and headed down to the restaurant, a place called Latitudes. It was the only one still open and pretty empty. Joey, Chris, and Lance came. Justin stayed in the room to work on some music with JC.
I made small talk with them while I ate a rather tasty roast beef sandwich, it was so nice to talk to people about things that had nothing to do with medicine. I had no idea about a lot of stuff they had to say about the tour, and I talked about medicine and told them the story about Mrs. Allen, leaving out the part about finding love. I told them how she made the blanket and gave it to me knowing she would die. She convinced me to carpe diem, seize the day, and come.
"People in my church always felt that people that said they could see the future worked for Satan." Lance added, halfway joking.
"I believe there are lot of things we can't explain, I see them almost everyday. Some I chalk up to one day we'll know how and other's it is just God's will." I mused.
"You believe in God?" Lance asked, he seemed surprised.
"Of course I do." I was sort of surprised by the question. "I see life and death everyday, the complexities of the body, it could not be just random events. But, beyond that I see the work of God everyday in the eyes of children and old people."
"I just mean because your…" He stopped before he said it but I knew what he meant. I could feel for a moment Joey and Chris tense.
I laughed, a good belly laugh. "You mean because I am gay?" I chuckled more. "I think that is the reason I believe so strongly. I refuse to believe it is an accident the way I am. I think it is a test from God, and no, not one to resist forbidden love like that crazy Christian Coalition would have you believe. Being gay, I have seen the most loving people in the world who are gay too. I know that God is love, nothing less. And how could he ever be against anyone that has enough love in their hearts to go against the Vocal, I like to think, Minority who say it is a sin. God doesn't work that way."
"So, you don't think being gay is a sin?" Lance looked questioningly.
"Anytime there is love in your heart and your actions are motivated by that, how can that be sin. I think a lot of organized religions are all about rules and not feelings. Rules change with translations, but feelings remain. Some societies don't believe or even have a concept of money, power, greed, hate, or evil, but they all have love. The only sin is denying your heart, that's what people regret when they are old and facing the end of their mortal coil."
"So says Buddha." Joey imitated an Indian accent.
"You guys are supposed to wait until your drunk to get philosophical." Chris pointed out as he raided my plate for another fry.
We made it back to the room and separated our separate ways about 1 am. Lance was quiet as we retreated to his/our room.
"Hey if it bothers you sleeping with a fag, I can sleep on the floor or on the couch. I could go and talk to Joey."
"No, No! Not at all come on." He motioned me into the room. It hit me when I walked in; there was only one bed!
I could have died right there. I think at that moment, I could have died happy, too.
Let's face it. I had over the last few days completely changed my whole life. I had stepped out of reality, the one I had carefully constructed for myself after too many years of school and guarding my feelings. Here I was in a situation that was completely unbelievable one week ago. I was about to climb into bed, albeit platonically, with a guy that had been little more than a picture in my dreams. I had met and spent time with a group of guys that I now considered strangely enough, friends.
Lance walked over to the bed and turned to me and asked a question I had never thought I would here from him, "Which side do you want?" Ok it was not exactly what I had thought it would be like, but still it was pretty amazing.
"I don't care. I am used to sleeping on the right though." I thought about my bed at home. "I usually and beat to the left side and don't get the choice."
Lance looked pensive suddenly and almost stuttered, "I don't think we ever asked if you had a boyfriend?"
"No!" I laughed. "Grinch, my dog! He's a big husky beast. He jumps up on the left and there is no moving him most of the time." I walked over to the right side of the bed. It was against a small oak nightstand. I started emptying my pockets.
"Grinch, that's a pretty strange name. Like Dr. Seuss?" Lance questioned as he emptied out his own pockets.
"Yes, my mom used to read to me as I went to bed at night. I always felt safe with that. Sort of my way of carrying it on now." I walked to the bathroom and luckily there was a toothbrush on the counter with complementary toothpaste. I started scrubbing the pearly whites. Lance joined me with his bag and started on his own. When I finished I moved out to the room and quickly stripped to my boxer briefs. I was in a bit of a hurry; afraid I would spring a bone when he came in if I was not already done.
I heard Lance use the restroom and turn off the light. I saw the light turn off and now, only by the light of the lamp on his side of the bed, I saw him come in the room.
He walked to the bed and pulled back his side. The bed was a queen sized(not funny) job that was very comfortable. He blocked out the light from the lamp and I turned to see him pull the polo shirt off. He had no t-shirt under it, so in its slow movement I reveled in the slow exposure of a surprisingly muscled chest and stomach.
"You must work out." I said it before I thought. "Of course that is probably the last thing you want to hear from a gay guy who is ion the same bed as you?"
"Well…Actually I don't work out in the usual means. We just dance our asses off all the time. I lose weight like you wouldn't believe in concert season. You have never seen us eat in full form. I hear it is impressive to the initiated." He smiled after throwing his shirt to the floor.
"I can't believe you guys don't die of dehydration or cramp up after eat performance. I saw ya'll kicking butt on the stage, sweating like pigs most of the time." I sat up on one elbow facing him. He unfastened his belt and unclasped the buttons on his jeans. I stared in total fascination. I could not really make out anything he was wearing dark boxers in the dim of the room, not to mention that he was backlit by the lamp. In his silhouette however I remained impressed, he looked like he could crack nuts with those thighs, he moved with a catlike grace.
Let me just explain the human feelings I was having now. I was turned ON. I could not help it. He had the most disarming personality; a body to kill for and the only thing that saved me at this point was that I could not see his eyes. That would have sent be into a seizure, I have never been more certain about anything.
He eased into bed and pulled the comforter up to his, ample chest. He reached and turned off the light and we sat in dark and silence for a moment.
"What did your parents say when you told them you were gay." I was not expecting that.
I thought for a moment. "My mother cried. My father just accepted it. My brothers had issues, but it is better now." I lay back on my pillow. I looked blankly at the ceiling. "There was drama, as we are prone to say. My mother cried and screamed, she did not want a gay son. We had been very close until then and then we drifted apart. She already knew, mind you. They all knew, they just didn't want to admit it. I just confirmed it for them. I think it was for the best. It let me know a lot about the people in my life and whether they really cared for me or it was just expected."
"Do you ever regret it?" He asked in a monotone.
"What telling them, or being gay?" I threw back at him.
"Either" He returned in his monotone.
"Neither" I sat back up on my arm facing him in the dark. "My whole life I knew I was different. When I came out to my friends I felt liberated. I didn't have to tell the world, and in my profession it can be something that works against you, but it was important that the people I loved knew. I feel so much more relaxed and so much less stress in life now. It was hard and it was not clean, it had a price. That comes with the package though. Being gay is a little facet of my life, but an important one. I can't tell you how tempting it is to think, 'I wish I was straight.' It would be so easy to get married, have some kids, live life in the tight little closet. But when I think the joy I had when I was honest to my friends, and myself I could never deny it. I love being gay. Nothing is more attractive to me than a good-looking guy with an amazing personality. Anyone, really, that I can talk to and share my emotions and experiences to me is attractive."
He turned to me in the silence, I could feel more than see him staring at me. "Don't you like beautiful women?"
"I suppose it is a lot like art. I appreciate beauty in all its forms, but I have my favorites. My genre happens to be all of one type of sculpture, I like the dangly bits." I laughed lightly. I lay back down and pulled my pillow next to me, against my chest. I heard his breathing even out and he went to sleep. I soon drifted off into a sleep of exhaustion. I thought I would never get to sleep with him inches away from me, but I was wrong. I awoke in the night, confused about where I was momentarily. I felt the warm body next to me, heat radiating to me. I realized where I was and turned away from Lance to face the window to my right. I heard his breath pattern change as I turned. I drifted back to sleep only to wake at some time later. I felt arms encircling me, the strong arms held me tight against a warm chest in the cool of the hotel. I nearly jerked away, but something stopped me as I sank into the security I felt. I also, knew if I moved Lance would wake up and probably be startled, afraid to get back in bed with me. He may have thought I was some old girlfriend he had not mentioned.
I realized then as I sat in close solitude something about Lance. His breathing told me he was awake. I even felt a slight shudder of a sob briefly. Why was he holding me awake and sad in this hotel in the dark? I thought and a ray of light struck me from the blue. I am the stupidest man on earth! It suddenly was clear to me, the comments the questions, how he has been acting. Lance is interested in me! I silently cheered. They knew, the bastards have been trying to set us up. I rethought the way I had perceived everything about JC, Justin, Chris and…and…Joey! They must be the best friends a guy ever had. The hugs and the attitudes, they want him to know its ok. I wanted to jump up and yell, hurrah!!
Shit! I couldn't though. As much as I wanted to turn around and kiss him to sleep, to hold him and let him know it is ok. I couldn't. I know personally what he was going through, anything I did now could freak him out. I had to think this through, had to plan! I felt a gentle sob again and my heart broke. I again heard his breathing ease and sleep came back to see young Lance. Only in the middle of the night, thinking I was dead to the world could he show a bit of his feelings.
I knew then what I had to do. I had told the boy I would take them out tomorrow night. Now I knew it had to be more than that. I was going to change Lance's life tomorrow, I was sure of that. I could love Lance, I could really love him. I might never get the chance, but I would try to make it so that he might have the chance to live his life happily ever after. I would offer it.
He just had to reach for it.
************************************************************** No sex this time. Don't worry, #5 is gonna be killer! I love feedback. This is a little building of story, so hold on.