Last time on Reaching Out
"I can't believe you. You know how I hate drugs, and you know that I love you. So what do I do? Tell me, do I just let this slide, like I never knew anything? Or do I handle it in a sensible way?"
"I don't know, I'm sorry, I just..." Nothing came from his mouth, he couldn't explain it. Not to JC at least, he couldn't explain anything like this to JC, he could see the disappointment in JC's eyes the whole time he spoke. And that's when the tears started flowing, and the sobs accompanied them.
Looking over to his right, JC caught a glimpse of the clock, and a frown passed over his face. "Merry Christmas Justin, you've made this one so great."
"Please Josh, I'm sorry, I didn't, I didn't, I don't know. I didn't mean to do this." Justin was sobbing now, nothing could form into words. Only syllables came to his mind, and soon he was sitting by himself, noticing that JC was no longer in the room. No longer watching him, no longer their to make everything better.
The curly haired youth was alone. For the first time in his life he had real reason to believe he was alone. For almost 7 years he had a best friend, some one who looked over him, watched him, took care of him when he was lost, scared, confused, all of those combined and their was nothing he couldn't help him with. Now, that man was gone. And Justin had done it to him, he had forced him a way, made him leave, finally right all along. He knew he screwed up, he knew he was making the worst decision in his life, and the whole time he sat their crying, he was doing it, he was on the one thing that was ruining his life...drugs.
"Justin, are you okay?" Justin stopped, his head hung down low, tears and sobs still coming from his body, but not quite so evident now that another was in the room. Looking up, he caught eyes with JC's sister Heather, her face filled with concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Heather could see through that, even as a teenager she was smart enough to see that some one who was crying with sobs accompanying it that he wasn't fine.
"No you aren't. Come on, tell me what's wrong." Heather started to walk into the room, when she looked down her eyes catching on the same bag that JC had only dropped minutes ago. Her face froze, her mind raced, she was in highschool, she knew what she was looking at. "Who's are these?"
"Mine" Justin couldn't lie, he knew she would either think they were Justin's or JC's, and he wasn't going to do anything else to make JC pissed at him, he already had a hard enough fight ahead of him to get himself out of what he had done already.
"What? You're doing drugs."
"I know, I know, I'm fucked up. I have problems, lots of them. I love him though, I love him, I didn't mean to hurt him like this, I can't take this." Justin was sobbing again, back to the loud sobs that were their before, and Heather stood still stopped where she had when she saw the bag, not doing anything. She was shocked when she felt an arm touch her, standing beside her was her brother Tyler, and behind them their parents. Justin looked up to see that his two sets of parents were behind them, and behind them he could make out JC's figure. The only one's missing were Jonathon and Steven, but he knew they weren't going to be awoken for what was about to come.
"We need to talk Justin, we need to have a long talk." Randall Timberlake, Justin's biological father spoke, his voice loud although coming from the hallway. "Downstairs now!" The booming voice startled everyone, and all of them rushed down the steps. Tyler and Heather most surprised of all that they were allowed to go with them.
Once downstairs, they all sat down in the living room, Justin sitting in a chair, isolated from the rest. He had not stopped crying yet, and his shirt was already wet from the sobs he had shed earlier.
"What do you have to say Justin?" Randall was the first to speak again, his voice down to a more decent term for the time of night.
"Joshua told us Justin. Why are you doing drugs?" Lynn Harless spoke next, and Justin only cried harder as he looked up to find that no only was she crying, but his step-mother Lisa was crying too.
"I'm sorry"
"You're sorry, that's all you can say? You're doing drugs and you want your explanation to your family and friends to be I'm sorry?" Randall Timberlake's voice rose again, back to booming.
"Don't yell at him." Paul Harless' voice was competing to be louder then Randall's.
"Both of you stop." Lynn yelled at her husband and ex-husband, silencing them both. "Sorry isn't going to cut it Justin. This is serious, you are going to ruin your life if you keep this up."
"So what, it's not like theirs much of one left anyways." Justin's words cut through all of them. They were his family, all of them. Heather and Tyler were like his brother and sister, their parent's like a second family to him. JC was his boyfriend, and his own set of parents were even more shocked that he would say it.
"Why are you doing this? Did you want to die that night? Take the easy way out for yourself, and make the rest of us suffer. Cuz you aren't the only one going through hell right now Justin. I'm your best fucking friend, your boyfriend, and I didn't know any of this shit. And to think that you don't want to live, that you escape with drugs, that's worse then not having you." All eyes shifted to JC who had been relatively silent through out the conversation up until that point. He was on the verge of crying but it was obvious that he was holding it in, and his vulgarity was something out of the common as well. "I love you Justin, I always have and I always will, but if you keep this shit up, I won't be here by your side, I'm not going to watch you die in front of me, it hurts to much."
It was to much for Justin, the yelling the tears, his boyfriend's loving words. He rushed from the room running up the steps, but not before he could distinctly hear a herd of footsteps following him just as fast as he was running. He couldn't even shut his door before the first to arrive was in, followed by the rest.
"We aren't done Justin, you are going to listen to us." Randall demanded of his son, and Justin sank into the bed, sobbing again.
"I can't, I can't listen anymore. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I hurt all of you. I'm sorry I'm doing this, I'm sorry that I'm not the great son you've had. I'm sorry that I'm not stable, I'm sorry I'm a fuck up." Justin let it all out, crying, sobbing, not expecting anyone to care, anyone to respond in any way but words.
But he was wrong, he couldn't feel it, he was still high on the acid, which made him numb, but he could certainly feel it when they were wrapped around him. JC was the closest, pulling him into a tight hug, and the rest of them hugging him in other spots, he could tell that the lightest of the huggers, Heather was behind him wrapped around his back.
"We all love you Justin, we're gonna get you through this, trust us." Surprisingly it wasn't Justin's family that spoke the words, wasn't JC, but JC's mother Karen Chasez, and her words helped Justin at the moment, helped him ease down for a while.
"So they were there for you?" A black man no older then four sat questioning Justin, his hands filled with a notebook and pen.
"Yeah, they were their for me, in the end. I love them all, their my family, and Josh, he's my rock, not even my rock he's my everything." Justin replied to the question.
"But you do have other friends, your bandmates, Britney?" The doctor questioned again, keeping the conversation going.
"I love them all too, we have to love each other, we're around each other for months, and then when we get off we hang out together, like we can't get away from each other." Justin laughed to himself, knowing that he doctor didn't find it amusing made him laugh even harder.
"Why don't you tell me about them, your bandmates and Britney that is."
"Well, um, Chris is the goofy one. He can always tell when things are shit for someone. And he always wants to make everyone happy, God knows he helps though, he can make the most serious person laugh. Then theirs Joe. He's the one I always party with, the one that takes me out places. Ya know, the older brother everyone has, the one that sneaks them a beer here or their, or gets them their first porno, shit like that, that's Joe to me. Lance is the sweet one, the quiet one, the shy one. I respect him though, he's got a lot more talent then I do. His voice is different, the deep one, the more profound one that you can pick out, I sound like a girl." Justin stopped after listing his friends, stopping before he got to Britney, because he could tell that the doctor was about to ask a question.
"You said that Joey snuck you into clubs and got you beers. Did he get you the drugs the first time you got them?"
"Nah, none of the guys have ever done drugs. Not even Joey. I got them myself, one night at a bar." Justin replied with ease.
"So, none of the guys had any effects on you as far as taking the drugs?"
"Of course they did, but not like that. It's the pressure, working with four guys all year, being compared to other bands, it gets to you after awhile. JC is the one with the real voice in the group. Lance has got the business aspect down pact. They both have shit to fall back on. Chris has got FuManSkeeto his clothing line, and then Joey's got a lot of that. He's the one every one thinks is cute and cuddly, he always has a new girl. I can't compete with it, I'm just the pretty one. But looks run out after a while, they already have. Look at me, my eyes are blood shot constantly, I haven't slept good for days."
"What about Britney? Did she have anything to do with it?"
"God yeah, I was always paired with her. In the media we were the perfect couple. I'm not even dating her, I'm gay. That got to me the worst, I couldn't even live my own life. I can't be gay, can't let my boyfriend hold me in public without ruining my career, ruining the guy's career. It sucks, so I slipped into drugs."
"When was the last time you took the drugs Justin? Christmas Eve?"
"Yesterday, I had a bad day, JC and I got into a fight, and I took one." Justin frowned at what he was saying. He hated to admit that he was still doing it.
"Alright, Justin. I think we're out of time. But I think we've covered alot, same time next week?"
"Yeah, I'll be here."
"How did it go babe?" JC asked, as they approached the car that had taken them to the doctor's office.
"Okay I guess, I told him about us getting together, and then all the shit that happened on Christmas Eve and Christmas. And he asked me about the guys, and Britney and why I started taking the drugs." Justin replied, not really filling in any real specifics.
"I'm glad you're talking to a doctor Justin."
"Would you just call him a shrink, he's a fucking shrink Josh. He works with people with problems in the head, ya know, loony people like me." He wasn't expecting the outburst from Justin, he was keen now on watching what he said to make sure that he didn't have to see the outbursts, but he assumed he wasn't watching hard enough.
"You aren't insane baby. You're fine, you just have a few problems that you need to work out."JC started up the car, and left the parking lot.
"Let's just get home. I wanna be alone." JC knew what that meant. It had been a month since Christmas. In that time JC knew Justin had taken acid at least 15 more times, which meant one every two days or so. He said nothing, he kept it a secret, Justin said he was getting clean on his own. But JC finally managed to convince him to see the doctor, hoping it might help faster, but he could tell that the only thing Justin wanted at that moment was to take another hit of acid.
"I know you're still doing it Justin. I know you haven't stopped, I know you haven't even tried." JC didn't turn over to face Justin, he knew that it would just make him want to cry again.
"I have tried Josh, you don't understand. You aren't doing it, you aren't addicted to it."
"I do understand Justin. I understand that you can't see what you're doing. I understand that you don't see your bandmates around you avoiding you. When was the last time Joey, Chris or Lance stopped by? Yeah, it's been a while hasn't it. Sure we see them at the studio, but that isn't enough for me. Have you noticed that we aren't as close Justin? We sleep in the same bed, but it's been nine days since I've kissed you, maybe you don't count, but I do. Because I miss feeling your lips on mine, I miss feeling you melt into me, I miss it Justin."
"Josh, please, I don't want to fight right now. I'm sorry for doing all this shit, you know I am. I never wanted to start, I never wanted to hurt everyone, especially not you. I love you, I don't care about the guys, if I piss them off it doesn't matter, not like it does if I hurt you. I know that I'm not the greatest person right now, I know that I'll never be one, I know that you aren't happy being with me, so you don't have to start a fight over it." Once again Josh was caught off guard by Justin. He wondered if Justin even listened to anything he said.
"I think you need to get into a drug clinic Justin. You're missing every thing around you, you're missing what I'm saying to you right now. You need help, I try to give it to you, but you turn to the drugs, why don't you turn to me Justin? Why the fuck can't I be the shoulder you cry to like before?"
"I'm not going to a clinic, people will find out. Our careers will be ruined, I couldn't live with myself." Justin disagreed quickly, glancing over he noticed that JC wasn't even looking at him, but still focused on the road.
"I could care less about our careers. You don't get it, you don't fucking get anything I'm trying to say to you Jusitn. I love you, I fucking love you. I love being your boyfriend, I love holding you, I love everything about you. I don't care that you fucked up, I don't care that you are going through some rough times, because I want to be their for you during it. Our careers mean shit compared to that, you mean everything to me, more then my career, more then my family, more then my friends, more then it all Justin. Because you are it all, you are my family, you are my friend, and you are the reason why I want you to get help. I want you to be okay." JC was crying now, usually he was strong, but it was all built up in him. He hadn't cried for a while now, maybe once when he found out about Justin doing the drugs, but now they were heavy tears, and Justin felt his own coming at the site of JC's.
JC could hear the sobs, and he realized that if he didn't stop, he wasn't going to be able to see very well to drive. Pulling to the side of the road, he turned off the car, and turned to face Justin.
"I don't want to go to a clinic Josh, I don't want to stay their. I don't want to be alone at night, I don't want to be away from you."
"It's okay, it's okay. You don't have to go, but please Justin, throw out the drugs that you have left, for our relationship's sake, throw them out."
"I will, I swear Josh. I'll try harder now." Justin's words were like a child, lost in a world to big for them. And JC knew that it was the truth. He knew that Justin would try, he just hoped that his tries would be good enough to get him through it.
"Don't you think we are handling this kinda shitty?" Joey questioned his four friends. They were all sitting around in his apartment, absent of two of their close friends.
"Nope, I don't want to be around Justin while he's doing drugs." Chris responded easily, his arms wrapped around Dani.
"I knew" Britney said only two words, and they all stopped to look at her, confused by the words she had chosen to speak. "I knew the whole time, I knew he was drinking. I knew he was doing the drugs, I knew he was drinking and driving. I was the one he came to, every night he was drunk, or to high to go home, he came to me. I didn't tell any one, I couldn't do that to him, but now, its all my fault. I hung up on him right before he killed himself. I knew all the hell he was going through all the while and I didn't do anything. I knew how much he loved JC, I knew he felt like shit every time he fucked up, and I didn't do anything. I could've stopped it, I could've helped him a long time ago, but I didn't. I can't help but blame myself for all this shit."
It had all built up inside of her, and she finally had to let it out of her system. She had to tell some one every thing she knew, or she felt like she was going to explode. And letting it all out helped, she didn't cry, she didn't raise her voice, in fact she was emotionless all the while telling the story. She couldn't cry over it anymore, she had cried to much. And yelling was the same, she had screamed out every obscenity she could at Justin, yelled at him, and nothing had worked. Emotionless she felt like it came out right, void of any thought, just the truth.
"You knew the whole time?" Dani asked with a little anger in her voice.
"I didn't know the whole time. I remember a while ago, he came by and he seemed drunk. No big deal, but then he told me he was on acid, but he promised it was the only time he had ever done it. He said he would never do it again, and that turned into months of promises. Months of I won't do it agains, and I'm sorrys. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone, he trusted me, I didn't want to ruin our friendship." Britney responded, she showed no remorse in not telling anyone, which only seemed to flare more anger from Dani.
"I can't believe you, how could you not tell us? Their his bandmates, I'm one of his good friends, and you left us in the dark. Were you thinking clearly, or was all that plastic clotting your brain." Dani went some where she knew she shouldn't have. Britney could take a joke about her breast job, the one she never had more like it, but she knew that was an insult.
"Excuse me, but I am a much better friend to Justin then you are bitch. I'm sure you wouldn't have told any of us if it were Chris doing drugs." Britney stopped for a second to look at Dani. She could tell by the look on her face that she was regretting what she had said. "Ya know what, we don't need to argue over this. Right now we have to focus on Justin, and as for your question Joe, no I don't think we are handling this the right away."
"Good, now I know that I'm not the only one who feels like shit for avoiding him." Joey replied, happy that some one was on his side for once.
"I don't think we should just stop seeing him. That might only make it worse, and we haven't returned JC's calls in how many days?" Dani asked, jogging her own memory for a date, an amount of days, but she knew it had been a while since they had talked to Justin or JC.
"Am I the only one that feels like shit? Cuz, Justin's birthday is in 6 days, and we haven't even started looking for presents. He's going to be 20, were we even going to throw him a party like we usually do?" Joey looked down at his feet in shame. Dani just let herself be wrapped tightly into Chris, not wanting to answer Britney's question.
"I don't think he needs a party this year. Parties mean alcohol, and Justin doesn't need that. Not right now, and I don't think ever again. We have to do something nice, but just us. No one else, and I think the gifts should be something to help him out. Like books on getting over drug problems, or something useful like that." Chris suggested.
"I think thats a good idea. And I think while we're at it, if Justin can't drink, neither do we. It's only tempation for him to want to." Joey added, looking at Chris. Chris set down the beer he was about to sip, and shook his head in agreement. "Good, I'll throw it all out, and I suggest you two do it too. Britney, I don't think you have any beer, but if you do throw it out."
"Don't worry, I don't drink. Especially not after watching Justin for so long. It scares me, he's so different, so horrible. I don't ever want to be like that."
TBC.....
I told you this chapter would be out in the new year, but I lied. But it was a good lie, because it's coming out sooner. I got bored, family was annoying, had some free time so I did it now. I hope you liked this chapter. I covered a lot of stuff in it, inlcuding Justin and JC making up.
I hope every one understands that the first three chapters are sort of like a story being told. Justin was explaining the past month or so to his new doctor, which was the first visit, but not the last. I know that this chapter leaves it hanging a little too, because Justin and JC are in another little tiff. The question is, is Justin going to go home and throw out the drugs, or will he take them again? I don't know, if you have any suggestions e-mail me at bottledup03@hotmail.com (that includes criticsm, and any other stuff you wanna tell me. I like hate mail, it makes me laugh)
See ya next time, probably around the 2nd or 3rd.