Last time on Reaching Out
With in a few seconds, JC was popping back up out from under the covers
a smile on his face. "Now we can go to bed."
"But, don't you want me to, ya know, return the favor." Justin asked, still panting from his own orgasm.
"Nope, I took of it myself while I took care of you." JC smiled at
Justin, and kissed him on the cheek. "I know your tired, and we don't
have to return favors. You just owe me one next time." JC giggled, and
pulled Justin close to him. "Now sleep." Justin did as he was told,
relaxing into JC's strong and caring arms.
It was a great day for the two of them. JC was up for another twenty minutes just watching Justin. He was proud of him, Justin had sought the therapy, opened up to him, and they enjoyed themselves all day. He hadn't seen Justin laugh like that for a long time, and he knew that he and his friends hadn't had as much fun together for a long time too. It was great, he was proud of Justin, proud that his younger lover had managed to last a full day with out the drugs. And proud that Justin allowed him to flush the drugs, proud that his boyfriend was getting help. But still scared, that the worst would come when Justin really went a longer time with out the drugs.
"You ready babe?" JC asked, as he knocked on the bathroom door.
"Yeah, I'm ready." Justin replied, popping out of the bathroom, his hair neatly curled, and his face washed. His breath smelled of toothpaste, and he himself smelled of JC's own cologne, a smell that they both enjoyed.
"Alright."
It was the second time they were on their way to the therapist, this time Justin knew he would have to describe more things. More of his past, more of what he wanted, but he was ready for it.
"I'll see you in an hour or so." JC kissed Justin lightly on the cheek, sending him into the room.
"Hello Justin."
"Hi."
"How are you?" Dr. Roberts asked him, letting Justin take a seat.
"I'm fine, doing better I guess."
"You guess?" The doctor questioned his choice of words.
"Well, we threw away my drugs, emptied them down the toilet." Justin replied.
"Ah, we as in who?"
"Me and Josh, well, I actually couldn't do it. But I wanted to, I need to. So I let him do it." Justin replied.
"Did it upset you that you had to get rid of them? Did it make you angry that you couldn't continue to have them?"
"I don't know. I was mad that I had to get rid of them, that I had to quit something I had done for so long. But I wasn't mad at Josh for doing it, he's so perfect for me. He would never do anything to hurt me, he knows that by doing this that I can work through my problems without any other rehabilitation." Justin replied in length to the two questions, nervous that the doctor continued to write something for a good minute after he was done.
"And you said something about other rehabilitation, which I'm taking to mean something other then my own help. Could you elaborate at what that other would be?"
"Um, after we left here the other day, Josh and I got in a fight. Over you actually, he won't let me call you a shrink, he says you're a doctor. I know you are, but to me you're a shrink, who helps people who have mental problems. I have mental problems so I see you as a shrink, but Josh says that I don't have mental problems, that I just need to work some things out, and that you are helping me with it." Justin began to ramble on, not sure where the conversation was even going as he continued.
"Justin, could you tell me what the other help would have been?" Dr. Roberts reminded him of the conversation.
"Well after the fight, Josh sayed I should go to one of those clinics, a drug clinic. Ya know, where you stay for a couple months or as long as you don't crave the drugs any more. And I broke down. He stopped the car and we talked about it. I couldn't stand being away with him for long, I need him. This whole time I've been doing drugs, he's all I've ever had. I know I had my bandmates, I know I had Britney, and my family, but he was all I ever really wanted to have. And now that he wants me, I couldn't handle not having him. I need him to hold me at night, I need him to be their for me. So instead we decided to throw away the drugs, and just take it from their. He knows I can't go out to get them, and I don't think he thinks I would try. He trusts me, at least I hope he does." Justin got himself back on track in the conversation, and answered the question that he was addresssed.
"Tell me about that Justin, about why you really started doing the drugs? Was it because of your love for Josh?"
"JC." Justin corrected the doctor.
"And tell me about that. When you told me about the past few months, you made it seem like everyone directed JC as JC, but you call him Josh...is their a reason behind that?" The doctor changed topics for a moment.
"I, I don't know. I just don't like it when other people call him Josh. That's my name for him, cuz it's more personal, I'm more personal to him." Justin replied to the question pretty easily.
"Alright, now about you starting the drugs?"
"I guess it was last February, my birthday is in late January, and I didn't really have a good one last year. We as a group were doing great. We had released Bye, Bye, Bye and it was doing good. No Strings Attached was coming out soon, and we were huge. Bigger then the Backstreet Boys, but it wasn't enough for me. I have been doing this since I was 12, that's almost 8 years. I've been the dreams of millions of young girls for 8 years, I've been the talk of the tabloids, and music industry, for 8 years. It was the same in Mickey Mouse, it was so much, that it was too much. So last year I picked up a phone book, dialed up a guy I knew at the record label, and asked if he could hook me up with something. I was pretty naive then, the first time I took acid I thought I was just supposed to swallow it right away. I got laughed at pretty bad for doing that. But I got the hang of it after a while, and soon I was doing it frecuently, before concerts, after them, during interviews. It's really easy to hide something tiny on your tongue and still manage to talk. I got used to it quickly." Justin paused for a second looking to make sure that the doctor was still paying attention. He hated the fact that it was like having a one sided conversation when he talked to him. "Anyways, I got hooked quick, and from then on it was that and alcohol instead of friends. I would go to Britney though, she never told, I knew I could trust her. I would call her when I was drunk, when I was trippin', when I was both. God that's dangerous, I only did it twice, and never again. You can pass out when you do those two together. But that's not the point, Britney was their for me, ya know, I knew that Josh was the one I needed but I couldn't let him see me like that."
"Why would JC be so upset with seeing you that way?" The doctor interrupted him.
"Josh most of all is against drugs. He hates them, he barely even touches alcohol. For such a long time he was a positive influence on me, sure I drink though, I always have. Joey always gave me drinks back when we started. And now that we're famous, any one will give me a drink." Justin replied.
"Do you like that? The fact that you can get a drink any where, that people will do anything for you?"
"I guess I do. It's a high in itself, that when I was as young as 16 and 17 people were giving me alcohol, just cuz I was the cute singer from NSYNC. And when I was 19, combine that with the high of acid, and you can't a bad situation. The night everything really got fucked up is when I got caught drinking and driving. Like I told you, things fell from their.I tried to kill msyelf, they all found out I did drugs. But at the same time it was the best thing to happen to me.I got Josh, I got him." Justin smiled.
"You talk as though without JC, that in a sense their wouldn't be a you."
"Their wouldn't, cuz I couldn't live without him. In gay relationships, theirs the um, ya know bottom and top." Justin blushed furiously as he spoke about it. "And I'm, the bottom, but it's uh, not all sexual ya know. To me it's more the emotional. And Josh really is on top of all that, he holds me together. He cheers me up when I cry, he holds me when I need it, and he's just their for me all the time. I need that, I don't like to be alone. I don't like to be away from him. I know he's just outside those doors, but I still feel like he's miles away."
"So in other words you are saying that without JC you would perhaps, end it."
"I would in a heartbeat. If he had walked out of those doors at the hospital when I told him, I would have killed myself with the nearest machine. I couldn't take a day without him. He promises me over and over again that I won't have to. But I know some day that we'll have to do seperate things for NSYNC, like me in New York, him in L.A., maybe just for a day, but that would kill me. And he's older then me, and I know, that, that he might die before me. And in a sense leave me." Justin was beginning to hold back tears that for some reason were about to flow from his eyes.
"Alright, Justin. I think we made some progress today. I can see that you probably need to see JC, so I think the rest can wait until the next session."
"Thanks." Justin cleared his throat and shook the doctor's hand.
"Good bye Justin."
"What's wrong?" JC could tell by the way Justin walked out of the room that he was crying.
"Nothing, lets go." Justin answered in reply, his words very soft, almost silent.
"Alright." JC replied, knowing that Justin wasn't going to say anything else.
"You wanna talk about it Curly?" JC asked as they drove down the road, heading back to their house.
"It's nothing." Justin had stopped crying now, he just focused on the road. Looking over quickly, he desperately wanted to have his hand in JC's, but JC had both on the wheel. So instead he just let it lay lifeless on the seat.
"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. That's okay, just know that I'm here for you." JC looked over and saw Justin's face and his hand. He put his own hand down, and squeezed Justin's tightly, which drew a small smile from Justin's face. "Now, how about we go home and, uh, well." JC smiled as he licked his lips facing Justin. Justin smiled back and shook his head in agreement.
"You think that he'll be able to do it?" Joey asked his bestfriend as they lounged around his apartment. Like usual it was the pace that he and his friends met when Justin and JC were busy some where else.
"I don't know, he's tough." Chris replied, flipping through the channels not really paying attention to the question.
"Don't you mean JC is tough?" Dani laughed.
"Yeah, well that too." Chris replied to his girlfriend, still not paying attention to the conversation besides answering the questions at hand.
"Give him some credit guys, I think he can do it." Britney jumped into the conversation.
"What you say is probably right Brit. You've known about this longer then us, ya know how long he's done it and all." Lance replied to Britney's comment.
"When do you guys start recording for the new cd?" Britney asked changing the subject away from the one at hand.
"Uh, Friday is our first day back in. I think Justin's pretty lucky that what happened, happened when we were off and on break. If it had happened during a tour we wouldn't have been able to hide it." Lance answered the question, after all he probably was the only memeber of NSYNC in the room that knew the actual answer.
"That's cool, you guys are all lucky. Justin wouldn't have ruined his own career but all ya'll's. I mean, it would have been one thing to have been arrested for drunk driving, but then the drugs, the suicide attempt and all that, you guys's never would have made it out of the tabloids." Dani jumped into the new conversation.
"Lucky? Huh. We aren't even half way through this, Justin's drugs have only been gone a day, day and a half now. You honestly think he's already kicked it? He's got a long way before he can kick a drug." Joey laughed at Dani's suggestion.
"I was just saying that you are lucky it didn't get out into the papers." Dani got defensive of her statement.
"Calm down girl, I ain't dissin' you or nothing." Joey laughed again as Dani calmed herself.
"So what are we all up to tonight?" Lance asked.
"I want to do something exciting. A club?" Joey suggested the same thing he suggest every time they had free time. In every city, they had probably been to every club except for the country or the line dancing ones.
"Sure, but we have to ask Justin and JC if they want to go. I know that it would be a hard place for Justin to go, but we can't exclude them again." Lance agreed.
"We should wait awhile and then we can call them. I'm pretty sure that Justin said something about having another appointment with his doctor today." Chris agreed as well.
"Anything is cool with me." Britney agreed with and Dani shook her head in agreement as well.
"That's odd." Joey laughed.
"What?" Chris asked, a little confused by what Joey was laughing at.
"We actually agreed on something without a fight for once." Joey explained himself, and they all snickered at it. Usual it would take them at least an hour to make plans, but that didn't count the number of fights, and arguements as to where they should go. This time it was much easier as they decided with in ten minutes.
"That is kinda odd." Britney agreed, laughing on her own this time, and soon they were all laughing at how stupid she was for finding the topic funny.
TBC.....
I've just come to the conclusion that this story isn't going to be very long. I like it and all, but I feel like I can end it in 10 chapters, and that's what I'm going to do. Just to give you all a warning until then.
As for this chapter I'm sorry it was so short, but that's the way the cookie crumbles this time. The next chapter will be longer I hope.
I also have a few mistakes to correct. First things first, I noticed in Chapter 4 that I said the doctor looked no older then four. Sorry about that I meant fourty, all that it doesn't really make that big of a deal. I also forgot to give the doctor a name, so I created one in this chapter, Dr. Roberts. I apologize if their were any other mistakes or lack of information when I talked about the doctor in Chapter 4. I guess I wasn't thinking straight when I wrote that chapter.