Red Bull Chapter 12
Chapter 12
“I’m convinced we are cursed,” I finally, “Remember how Ma left? Remember what she said when she left?”
I am talking to Jamila and Joshua at that moment. We’re standing outside. There are swarms of other people out there as well. I look at my family’s legacy. I look at the club that supported not only us but our entire community. And I realize that it has been burnt to the ground. All that’s left is an engulfed shell of what it used to be.
People come, they give their condolences and they leave. But for me, these people couldn’t care less. All they were there for was the spectacle. All they were there for is to dwell in the downfall of the Wallace family.
“Fuck what Ma said when she left,” Joshua explains to me, “Shit like this happens. Bad things happen in the world all the time.”
Jamila isn’t convinced, “You saying this was an accident?”
He replies quickly with a deep, loud sigh, “I don’t know what this was…”
I’m standing there completely shaken by this.
“If it weren’t an accident who could have done this?”
Joshua shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t know.
~
Sitting out there watching the rest of the club burn down reminds me of the day Ma left. My father was abusive. He always was and my mother...well my mother was an enabler. I loved her dearly, probably more so than my brothers or even my sister, who always held a special place to my mother. My mother never knew how to raise boys and being a traditionalist she made sure that my father’s word was law in the house. She was so domesticated that there were times she wouldn’t go out showing any skin, including wearing gloves to cover her hands.
She was so angry when my father was killed. It was self-defense for the most part but my brother Jamison was the one who ended up doing the deed.
My mother went back into depression back then.
“This family aint’ shit...this family ain’t shit,” she kept repeating.
I tried not to take her serious but that was hard because she’d lost it when he died. She started speaking in tongues and swearing that everyone would go to hell for every other reason. It all culminated to what we called her mental break.
It all culminated to her coming downstairs while the rest of us were having a family meeting.
“I’m going,” she stated.
And that was right before she left. She meant it. But not until she left us a warning. She said that an angel came to her in a dream.
“Until you all do right by your father, everything you touch will fail,” she said back then.
And then she walked out. Rumors had it she changed her name. There were worse rumors than that. I remember her saying a lot of things that night. I excused them to her just being sick but for some reason all those things that she said came popping back up in this moment.
Everything we touched would fail.
Here was the failure right in front of our eyes.
~
“You good?”
I arrive back at my apartment surprised to see that Meek was still there. He was standing just in my living room. His face squinting down on me.
“You stayed here?” I ask.
He shrugs, “I wanted to make sure you were OK before I left. Marcella told me what happened. I’m so sorry…”
I look around. We were alone in my apartment. It’s not that I mind him being there, because I don’t. I just felt as though it was interesting that he stayed. It hit home in a way. It wasn’t negative or positive emotion at this point. All sorts of emotion was filed underneath the extreme stress and worry I was felling about the shop.
Maybe that’s why I drop on the sofa, slouch my face into the palms of my hands and take a deep breath. It has to be one the deepest breaths I’ve taken in my life.
“I’m not sure what to do,” I tell him.
He comes over. He sits on the couch next to me. Before he even gets down I feel the warmth coming off of him and I have to admit that it feels good.
Meek begins to rub my back slowly. He’s beginning to make me feel good.
“You guys ever find out what the cause is?”
“We have to do right by our father…”
“He’s dead though.”
I shrug, “Yeah he is. I guess my window to do by right by him is closed.”
I think about how my father was. What would he say if he saw the burnt down club? I was pretty sure he would tie it into the bible. He would tie it to Sodom and Gomorrah. He would say we were destroyed for not listening to God.
“The bible says…”
“Don’t worry about what the bible says,” He cuts me off, “The bible was written years after the death of Jesus. We have a living God. You’re a good person and you don’t need the bible to tell you that.”
I pause.
“Funny how you can preach the word to other people and not listen for yourself,” I point out.
We both laugh at that moment. It’s a moment of levity that is well needed. The day has been eventful. More than eventful.
“You have a point,” he states, “I guess we all have to learn new things. I just want to make sure you’ll be OK.”
“We have insurance. We can rebuild,” I point out.
“So you’re good?”
“I’m more than good.”
He smiles, “I can see that. Even on your bad day you are probably the sexiest man I know…”
He’d never been so aggressive with his flirtations and as soon as he says the words I see him physically drop his mouth into the palm of his hands trying to shut him up. He looks at the palm of his hands possibly lost. I wonder what is going on in his mind as I watch him react to this little slip. It’s hard to tell.
“Thanks…” is all I can say.
“I should get going,” he states, “It’s late.”
Meek gets up. He walks towards the door. As always I watch him walk but the truth is this time I didn’t want to watch him walk. This time I wanted to follow him.
“Don’t you live far away?” I ask.
“It’s a bit of a drive…”
I pause, “Why don’t you just stay the night?”
He doesn’t expect me to say that.
“Nah today has been a lot. Driving is not a problem for me. You need your space…”
“You’re right about today being a lot and maybe you staying the night is more FOR ME. I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”
Hearing myself admit this is shocking. Realizing that I’m dropping my guard for another man is shocking as well. I have never been so needy for Marcella. She never needed to stay at my apartment because I was having a moment of weakness.
But for some reason this felt right.
“I’ll stay,” he finally says.
He stays silent after that. When he goes to shower, when he comes out and he stands as though wondering if he should sleep on the living room couch or with me. When I tell him that there is more than enough room on the bed to sleep with me, he doesn’t argue or hesitate. He slowly makes his way to the bed. We lay there together at the end of the night. He doesn’t touch me. I don’t touch him. But it feels good to just have someone there.
~
I wake up in the morning to him still in the bed but a lot closer than he was to me. He’s spooning me. His arm is pressed up against my side pulling me in. My butt is pressed up against his crotch. I’d never had another man get this close to my ass before. I feel nervousness at first but then I realize just how comfortable and warm he is. And I don’t move him. I stay up and just linger in those moments of him holding me.
I do this until he wakes up. When he does wake up he seems to notice what is happening and somehow knows that I’m awake as well.
He whispers a short, “Sorry.”
“It’s OK,” I tell him, “All my life I’ve been protecting people. All my life I’ve been trying to whip my family in line. It’s nice not to need to be the protector for once. It’s nice to feel protected for once…”
“What do you need protection from? Do you think you’re under attack?” he asks.
“I never thought of it that way.”
He sits up. There is something clearly on Meek’s mind. When he sits up, he crosses his arms and just shivers for a second.
“Simpson never had any kids of his own. He said once that he had the opportunity to be a father a few times over but that wasn’t his calling. I remember the first time he fostered me that he kept talking about your family. Said that club you guys had was a sinful club. He said he wanted it to burn down one day.”
“Are you saying that you think it’s him?”
Meek turns to me. He has this look on his face that seems to be etched out, “I’m sure that it’s him.”
I look at Meek and the way he says it lets me know that there is no doubt in his mind. It’s just a feeling but feel as though Meek trusts me more than he does his own foster father. It’s clear that Pastor Simpson was setting for the entire Wallace family.
~
It takes me a week to plan the family meeting in response to the club being burnt down. A week to make sure everything is lined up just right.
A family meeting was started by Big Mama when I was so young. I remember my first family meeting I was 17 years old. Big Mama didn’t let anyone under the age of 17 attend a family meeting. Back then she felt like children should be children and not have to worry about the issues of life. But that’s what Family meetings were for. We’d bring up the issues of life and we solved them together----as one big happy family. We solved them together as a unit. For Grandma, the family was the cornerstone of the black community and no Wallace was ever allowed to get far away from it.
Everyone was there with Jamison silenlty sitting in the corner of the room as though he didn’t belong here listening to everything.
“Thank you for gathering us today,” Uncle Regis states, “I had a few things that I wanted to----”
I cut him off, “Uncle Regis...this meeting isn’t about you.”
“I’m the oldest, in tradition the head of the family…”
“No disrespect Uncle Regis,” my brother Joshua cuts him off mid-sentence, “But you’ve never been the head of this family…”
The rude awakening happens almost immediately and I’m surprised when Uncle Regis just stops talking. I believe it’s because he’s unsure of what to do now that the club has burnt down. This was the only source of income for him and his children . That was only because of the generosity of Joshua. They liked to pretend like they were more involved than they were and take over meetings with nonsense. I think at this point they realize that nonsense just wasn’t going to do it. Not anymore.
“It’s about the club…”
Knowing my Uncle he was going to start complaining about his money problems, quite specifically the issue that he had in regards to needing money to feed his gambling addiction. Not too far from him were his seeds. Sheila and Lionel were always present at these meetings but rarely contributed anything of value.
With the uncertainty of the next steps it seems like for the first time ever they were listening to the words coming out of my mouth.
Surprisingly Joshua hands me the reigns, “What would you like to discuss first, Joyous?”
“As you all know the club burned down. Joshua I know that you had Marcella handle the police report. Any updates on that?”
I knew Joshua would at least be prepared for the meeting. What I didn’t expect was for him to let me take the lead even a little bit. He has come prepared with binders full of documents which he passes out to everyone.
Joshua shakes his head, “It seems the fire was on purpose. It was done by an arsonist.”
“I had a similar conversation with Meek.”
“Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this?” Jamison
“It’s called patience,” Joshua barks back.
“What is your fucking problem with me?” Jamison asks.
“My problem with you? You joined a fuckin’ cult.”
“It’s a church but then sinner like you wouldn’t know the difference.”
It would have gone on all day like this if I wasn’t there. It proves why I need to be the head of this family and not Joshua. He had all the smarts and the organization but he had one weakness. That one weakness was Jamison. Jamison always brought out the very worst in Joshua.
“Both of you need to shut up because we were under attack,” I state, “Joshua you need to keep the family in the loop in real time. I understand you are a control freak but that club was all of our legacies.”
Jamison smiles at the idea of this, “I agree.”
“However Jamison you need to know the truth,” I state, “I believe the person who attacked us was Simpson.”
“Simpson?” Uncle Regis asks, “From back in the day?”
“Yeah.”
“No way he is a friend of the family. He used to be over this house all the time,” Uncle Regis asks.
Knowing Simpson was close enough to my father to always come to Big Mama’s house was a big deal. My grandma was big on energy. She would invite anyone to the club but when it came to her own personal house it’s a different story. I wonder why she made th exception for Simpson.
“Well he’s probably not the person he was back then because I believe he burnt down the club.”
“This is stupid,” Jamison immediately states, “I’m leaving.”
I stop him, “Sit your ass down before I sit you down.”
He gives me a look. But then he turns and sits back down. He knew I wasn’t the type to give empty threats. I was going to get this family in line the best way that I knew how even if it called for physical threats.
“Is this the same guy who was trying to convert you guys?” Sheila asks.
The fact that Sheila knew about it meant that everyone in the house knew about it. She couldn’t hold water for shit. The look on everyone’s face lets me know they all knew exactly who Simpson was.
“Are we sure it was Simpson?” Joshua asks.
I look over at Jamison, “Ask your brother.”
Jamison lifts his head. He looks guilty as fuck. he look on his face says it all. After a few seconds he finally opens his mouth and reluctantly responds.
“I tried to stop him,” Jamison argues, “I really did.”
“What the hell were you thinking getting involved with this guy?” Uncle Regis gets in Jamison’s face.
“He was always a radical,” Sheila states.
Jamila agrees, “I always said that I never cared about Joshua being gay.”
They keep going on and on piling up on Jamison to the point that I don’t even understand what is happening. Having my family pile up on him wasn’t anything unusual. The Wallace family changed their minds quickly and were also really quick to get passionate on whatever new stance they were taking on a situation.
Jamison liked to pretend he was strong. He liked to pretend like he had sway on the family. I remember him getting the same people to gang up on me. I remember how empty and alone I felt. I remember how angry I felt. I remember not knowing anyone had my back.
Maybe that’s why I stop them.
“He’s trying to find his way North like everyone else,” I state.
Me saying this silences them even for a moment. And in that moment we all turn to Jamison and see tears.
“I had no idea he was going to really burn down the club,” he explains, “He kept going off about this.”
“Do you have proof?” I ask.
Jamison puts his phone on the table, “When you guys left I started to record my meetings hoping to get you guys on the same page with my faith.”
He had a recording. I grab the recording and start listening, hearing on the recording Simpson literally admitting to starting the fire. I hear the anger in Jamison’s voice in return. Whatever Jamison was, he wasn’t an arsonist.
Jamison knew what the club meant to our grandmother. He knew what it meant to our legacy. The fact that it was burnt down had to have been hard on him. It had to have been really hard on him. I watch as he’s sitting there with his face as so pale that he looks mixed. He doesn’t even look in Joshua’s way. Then there was Joshua...angrier than ever with every right to be.
Jamison let a wolf into the hen’s house and now we were all paying for it.
“You can’t force faith on someone,” Joshua states angrily, “And anyone who wants to force feed their ideas to reluctant people can actually end up pushing people AWAY from faith.”
“I had good intentions.”
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” Joshua responds.
I look over at Jamison. It was enough. It was enough beating on him.
“We are pressing charges on this place…” Joshua states.
“No you aren’t…” a voice responds.
Everyone looks at me when they hear the voice calling out to Joshua from upstairs. Footsteps start and the person is descending down the steps is coming fast. They all look at me for an explanation.
“For us to claim the insurance money we need everyone who owns a part of the club to be present…” I state, “And that’s why I called her…”
They recognized the voice.
They knew who it is.
The last defender of my father was here and I knew this would change everything.
It’s Jamila who calls out for her, “Mother...you’re back…”
.co
“God sent me. I have a message. A message for the whole family.”
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