Redefining Normal By Owen Wright
Hi guys, this is the sixth chapter in what I hope will be a very long series following the journey of Kasey, the narrator, as he learns to redefine the concepts that construct his world.
The disclaimer: There will be sex in this series, and although it will most likely be sparse, those 18 and younger, as well as those who shouldn't be reading this for whatever reason, please stay away for your own good. The characters are purely fictional; any relation to actual people/stories is absolute bullshit. I'm serious.
Author's note:
Please, enjoy the series, and if you want to contact me, please do so at superwrighter13@gmail.com. I'd love to hear your comments, and although I'd rather not hear any harsh criticisms, I'd be more than happy to accept constructive ones. I apologize for the sporadic postings but I look forward to your emails so even if you haven't read a chapter in a while I hope you can get back into the flow of things and let me know what you think. Thanks guys!
Chapter 6: Roni
"Cannonball!"
I had only enough time to duck behind Orion as Zeo flew off the diving board and into the pool, sending a huge wave crashing into us. Orion's slim frame was able to shield most of the water, but some still managed to tickle the side of my face. He laughed, his sapphire eyes sparkling as I shook the water off my tousled brown hair.
"I'd give that a 9.5, it was huge!" Mikey shouted as Zeo resurfaced.
"You're way too generous, Mikey. That wasn't above a 7. 7.5 tops," Ross remarked as he raised himself out of the pool, his multi-sport athlete muscles straining against smooth skin. His backwards cap lay near our poolside chairs, one of the few times he was without it.
"Alright, let's see you do it better!" Zeo called from the pool as Ross made his way over to the diving board.
"Watch and learn, Z-meister," Ross shot back as he shook out his blonde hair and focused ahead at the rippling surface of the water.
He paused at the back of the board, collecting his breath, his toned shoulders rising and falling. He then rushed the end of the board, his powerful approach smooth with practice. He sprung off, taut body twisting in a picaresque somersault before plunging into the pool with an impressive Ôsploosh.'
Ross broke the surface of the water in a grin, his handsome jaw showing nicely against the reflection of the pool. I could never tell him that, though. He'd probably think I was way too weird for noticing those things. And come to think of it, when did I start noticing those things? I never thought of Ross as handsome before; athletic, maybe, I mean, who didn't? He was probably the most popular jock at out school, but I'm sure I was the only boy who ever thought of him in terms of physical attractiveness. Maybe Keith was rubbing off on me. But then again, after that talk we had, maybe I was just getting better at opening myself to all the possibilities.
"You all right?" Orion asked with a questioning smirk, his piercing blue eyes scanning my distant gaze. And although I did question where I stood with this boy, there was no doubt in my mind that as handsome as my buddy Ross was, he paled in comparison to my newfound friend.
"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired out from practice and all this swimming, I guess. Think I'm gonna hit the Jacuzzi, coming?"
"Sure," he smiled that smile that had a tendency to throw my head into a little daze. I snapped out of it and made my way to the edge of the pool. "Migrating to the hot tub, you guys coming?" I asked of my other friends who were floating around near the diving board, recounting Ross's leap.
Although it took a little while (Ross and Zeo had to race one last time before they were done) we all eventually made it over to talk in the Jacuzzi.
"Alright so what are the big plans for tonight?" Mikey asked excitedly as Ross and Zeo plopped down on either side of him.
"Do we ever have plans?" Ross asked comically as he splashed his little friend, "you gotta learn to just go with the flow, genius boy."
He shifted some water around in his large hand to emphasize his point.
"Be nice, doofus," I laughed, "I figured we'd just watch a movie or something, play some video games, the usual. Joni told me she wanted to see the new Twilight but she was supposed to bring it over. She still coming?"
"Probably not," James answered as he poured water from his cupped hand onto the surface, watching it slip from his fingers.
We looked to Ross to expand on James's cryptic answer. They were best friends, so it was understood that if something was going on, James would know about it. However, we didn't expect much of an answer from the quiet friend and thus turned to the one actually in the relationship.
"Well, truth is," Ross started, "and I meant to tell you guys earlier, but, Joni and I are kinda going through a rough patch right now."
"What happened?" Mikey asked, his slanted eyes opening in worry.
"Nothing big, don't worry buddy," he ruffled the water out of Mikey's blonde-tipped hair, "it's just that sports have been taking up a lot of my time and she feels like other than school, we hardly see each other. And it's not like she's wrong or anything; the only time I've hung out with her these past couple of weeks has been here. I either have games or tournaments or camps every other weekend. And with my Dad the way he is, I can't spare her too much time. It's just, I can't really do anything about it, so I don't really understand what she wants from me."
Mikey's expression grew increasingly concerned but I saw Orion shoot him a calming glance that seemed to work a bit, at least for the moment.
"You probably just need some time to work things out," I offered.
"That's what I said," James agreed.
"Or maybe you should just try living the single life," Zeo nudged him in the shoulder encouragingly, "there is a big, big ocean full of hot little fish out there, my friend."
"Dude, I could never live your life, Z," Ross chuckled, "going from girl to girl, no commitments, no strings. It would be cool, I guess, but that's just not me."
"It's a bummer man, I know the chicks would go for you," the player himself responded as he leaned his head back against the wall of the hot tub, body relaxed, arms behind his head, showing the new growth of hair in his arm pits, something we both discovered together last year. I smiled at the memory as I noted how much of our lives were spent growing up together, thankful for a lifetime friend.
Then my new friend, Orion, shot Zeo a funny look that the latter boy didn't catch before adding, "I'm sure Joni will come around, just give it time."
"Yeah, I'll let you guys know how it goes, though. For now, let's just have some fun!"
We spent the rest of the night doing anything and everything we could think of to keep Ross's mind off of Joni. Either it worked really well, or he was really good at hiding it (which I know he is) because the entire night passed with no further mention of the subject. After we were stuffed with Mom's dinner, more snack food than I could remember, and of course, cookies and ice cream, most of the boys passed out quickly following the movie we popped in. A few of us were still trying to get to sleep, though, when midnight rolled around.
"Hey buddy," I heard a voice mutter from beside me, reverberating softly through the darkness, "I miss you."
"Z, I'm right here," I motioned in case he hadn't noticed.
"I know, but we haven't hung out just the two of us in a while, man. I miss it. It's not like old times anymore."
"Yeah, that's true," I paused, thinking of a way to make things better, "Tell you what, all of Sunday? That's me and you time. Best buddy time. How does that sound?"
"Sounds like the best day ever. Love you, bud," he mumbled as he turned into his blanket and fell asleep almost instantly, cuddled up with the big stuffed bear he always grabbed.
"Love you, too, Z," I turned over as well but I couldn't sleep, my mind wandering off into places it probably shouldn't. Z did make me feel a little guilty. All the time I was spending with Orion was time that I could be spending with him. Granted, he was often busy with his girl of the week but I guess as we keep growing up and making more friends, we're going to gradually spend less time together. I know we will always be best buds, though; neither of us would ever let that change. But Zeo was just my best friend, my brother, and just as he needed girls, I needed someone so I wouldn't be lonely. He might fill the void with any attractive girl he could find, but I really wanted to find someone special.
"Hey, you still up?" Orion asked almost imperceptibly from my other side, his whisper like silk, his timing impeccable.
I turned over to face him, "yeah, can't sleep. What's keeping you up?"
"Mikey."
"Sorry, Orion," the boy in question whispered from over the slender lump that was his best friend, "I just can't stop worrying about Ross and Joni. They're like, the two people that really care about me; they protect me, make sure I'm okay. I know they've only been together a few months but I can't imagine them being apart."
"Mikey, Mikey, hey slow down, kiddo," I rushed over to sit cross-legged next to where he lay, placing a reaffirming hand on his shoulder. I wasn't really good at playing the older brother role. That was usually Zeo or Keith's job. But I tried. It was nice to have Orion's help, too.
"Hey, if things work out, they work out," Orion offered gently, "but not everything lasts forever. I mean, we're 15, we're young, buddy. We don't even know what love is."
I could swear I could feel his gaze boring into my eyes as mine passed along his figure; he continued speaking.
"The way I see it, there's no reason to think about it, or worry. If they're meant to be together, if they really love each other, they will be. None of us really know what love is, and we don't know if any two people should be together, especially when we're not the ones in the relationship. The best thing we can do right now is just support both of them with whatever they choose. If we're really their friends, then we should just want whatever makes them happy."
"I want them to be happy together. I know it's immature, and I'm supposed to know better, and I'm supposed to be smart, but I don't know anything about this. I hate it; it's like a class where I don't have any of the answers. I'm confused and there's nothing I can do," Mikey responded, the words flowing out, a tide of emotions, of helplessness.
"When my mom and dad got divorced, I didn't know what to think either. And I was the oldest; I had to make sure my brothers were going to be okay. I gave up a lot to help out at home, took care of my family, but as hard as I tried, as much as I did, nothing could bring my parents back together. So I don't understand love, either, buddy, but what I do know is that sometimes it works out almost perfectly, and sometimes it doesn't. Nothing we can do but hope for the best, okay?"
"Yeah, thanks guys. I really hope things work out, though. Thanks. Good night," he sounded calmed for the most part as he rolled over and drifted off.
I started to make my way quietly back to my sleeping area but was stopped by a gentle hand that took hold of my arm.
"Kasey," Orion's whisper was barely audible.
"Yeah?" I could feel his warmth like a current of electricity coursing through both of us, connected at the touch. My breath caught in my lungs, anxious and unsure of what was coming.
He sighed, "good night," as he squeezed my arm. I felt like he needed to say so much more but kept it in for some reason. I didn't really know what to think, so I just let it go.
"Night, Orion."
I tried again to make it back to bed but I saw the light switch on upstairs, and I knew Keith was home. Maybe he'd be able to figure out what that whole thing with Orion was about. It had been a few weeks since we had our last deep conversation. Things were progressing slowly, like the rise of the tide: almost imperceptible, but ever present.
"Hey bro, I was just about to head to bed. All you little ones tuckered out?"
"We're not that little, but yes," I replied with a telling smile, "what did you do tonight?"
"Well some of the guys wanted to hang out so we were at Jayson's house for a while. It was chill, they're really cool guys," he lay out on his bed in his boxers (his normal sleeping attire) and patted the area next to him.
I jumped onto the space beside him and rested my head on his shoulder.
"So what's bugging you, Kase?"
"How did you know something was wrong? Maybe I just wanted to hang out with the coolest big brother in the world."
He laughed, his deep chuckle echoing in vibrations. I felt him squeeze my shoulder, his arm around me.
"I can just tell, plus you're all tense like you're waiting for something," he noted.
"Well, remember that talk we had a couple of weeks ago?"
"When you finally admitted you might have feelings for Orion?"
I blushed, "yeah, that talk. Well we've been getting closer, but I don't know if he feels the same way. There's this tension between us, like things going unsaid and we both know they're there."
"Maybe you both just need a little time. If you like each other as much as I think you do, one of you is bound to crack sooner or later."
"But what if he isn't gay?"
"Are you?"
"I don't know."
"And I doubt he does, either. You're so young. It's way too early to decide. What's important is that you both realize that you have feelings for each other."
"Okay. Hey, I know this might seem out of the blue but I was wondering: when are you going to come out to all your friends at school?" it was something Keith had been considering for a while, it was just a matter of time now.
"Soon, little bro, soon. I just want to make sure that everyone is friends with me for me, so that they don't judge me for being gay. If people realize that it's just another part of me, things shouldn't change. Maybe it will even help you guys. But don't worry, when it happens, you'll be the first to know."
He smiled at me reassuringly, the emerald eyes we shared twinkling.
"Thanks, Keith."
"Wow we haven't done this in a while," Zeo smiled as we overlooked the downward slope of the hill as we stood at its precipice.
When I moved from California, I couldn't surf as much as I used to. It was a big part of my life and I wasn't happy about having to give it up. I met Zeo early, though, and he had just started skateboarding as a hobby. He convinced me to buy a board and join up, which my parents were more than willing to support after they understood how much I missed the waves.
Recently, we tended to avoid the skate parks. For us, skateboarding wasn't about doing tricks or going up tiny ramps; it was about coasting, speeding down inclines, wind whipping in our faces. It was almost as intense as the rush of the tide. We both loved skateboarding, and bombing hills was the best way to do it.
I shot him a huge grin, so excited to be back with my best buddy at the place where we first started this trend.
"Ready?" he winked at me, the joy of anticipation clear in his sapphire eyes.
"Always," we bumped fists and pushed off down the gradual decline of the hill.
I coasted down smoothly, my wheels making the slightest purr as they glided over the pavement. I felt the board giving with my weight, moving in tune with my body, as I slid around bends in the road with Zeo next to me, wearing the biggest grin I'd seen from him in a while. There was something untouchable about this moment, just like every time we did this. It was this feeling of invincibility, like we were impervious to harm. The worries of the world disappeared, the troubles of our lives fell away as we focused on the track ahead, our hearts pounding with adrenaline, a result of the increasing speed that I felt as the brisk Oregon air whipped against my face. I couldn't get enough of the sensation, it was like another plane of existence, above everything else that I deemed important. All that mattered right now was my best friend, my board, and how fast I could speed down the hill as I crouched into a more aerodynamic position. This was freedom and it was beautiful.
It was only when we reached the bottom of our trek and I finally rested, floating down from my natural high that I realized the cold of the air was easily passing through the flannel I wore for the occasion. It wasn't windy; the giant pine trees that lined the road were as silent as the empty street we had just traveled upon. It was just cold.
Zeo unbuckled his helmet, letting loose his dirty blonde hair that fell softly over his ears. The sky behind him was nothing spectacular, wearing its normal shade of ashen grey, the clouds blanketing the sun so evenly it was impossible to discern where one began and the other ended.
"God I missed this," he sighed contently as he sauntered over the sidewalk and plopped down on his board, butt rolling slowly back and forth.
I joined him, not saying anything, knowing that he knew I felt the same. It was second nature by now, communicating almost telepathically. We knew each other too well.
I dropped my skateboard behind him on the gray pavement, resting my back against his as I sat on the board. I thought back to the first time he did that to me, long ago in the fourth grade before saying, Ôbest friends have each other's backs, you know?' I don't think he knew back then the statement was metaphorical rather than literal, but at the time, it didn't matter. It was reassuring and warm and safe. Still was, actually.
"Thanks, Kasey."
"Anytime, Z, anytime."
We were basking in the aftermath of the rush, finding pictures in the clouds when suddenly, my phone vibrated. Z finally figured out the cow on a surfboard I had been pointing out as I slipped my phone out quickly to read "Joni Mitchell" on the caller ID.
"Hello?"
It's not that Joni isn't my friend or anythingŃwe're study buddies and we hang out a lotŃit was just a weird time for her to call, a bit out of the blue.
"Kasey, can you talk right now?" she sounded upset, not like sobbing her eyes out sad, but more of a pacing sort of frustrated.
"Yeah, sure. What's up? Are you okay?"
I could tell Zeo was listening intently to our conversation as he fell silent and leaned a bit back towards me, the phone between both our ears. It's not like I minded him eavesdropping anyway; it saved me time since I wouldn't have to rehash it for him later.
"Not really. I'm sure Ross told you that our relationship is on the rocks right now," her statement was followed by what sounded like her plopping down on her bed. I could just imagine her carefully ironed curls fanning out on her pink comforter as she clutched a fluffy pillow tight to her chest. Ah, the woes of women.
"Yeah, he did. If it makes you feel any better he's pretty upset, too. He's torn between the two things he loves."
"I get it. Sort of. I justÉI don't know if I'm being fair, or if I'm being selfish or what. I guess what I really need is someone who knows the both of us well for a kind of reality check. I'd ask Mikey but I feel like you would be better to help me out. To help us out, actually."
"Sure just shoot, I'm all ears, actually wait, hold on," I covered the receiver with my hand and leaned my head back to talk to Z.
"That okay with you?"
"Of course, just brief me after, okay? I'm gonna go over there and play with rocks and shit until you're done. Joni's just too much for me sometimes. Besides, you should focus."
I nodded as he squeezed my shoulder and sauntered over to the edge of the woods, where he was pointing earlier.
"Okay I'm ready. What's the matter?"
"Well lately I haven't seen Ross kind of at all. And it sucks, you know? I love him, I do. And I know he loves me, but for some reason he can't ever seem to be able to make time for me. He's always busy with volleyball, or basketball, or soccer. I mean, I know playing sports is really important to him, but is it too much to ask for some time together? Like, am I being unfair?"
"HmmÉ" I paused, carefully balancing the next words that I wanted to say, "you're asking a lot out of him, Joni. And I know that he loves you a lot, trust me, I know, but you're kind of asking him to weigh his feelings for you against sports and I don't think that's a great idea."
As far as I could remember, this was the first time she had asked for anything, actually. Their relationship was textbook from the start when they met on the first day of high school. His locker was right next to hers, so they saw each other a lot before he finally worked up the nerve to talk to her. They started dating shortly after that and became official a few months later. Both fairly conservative, they both believed they were truly in love and I couldn't deny it as much as I tried. I know that he cared about her a lot, but I wasn't sure either of them was ready to qualify their feelings. But I did know they were very much in love. Truly, madly, deeply.
"I'm being unfair, aren't I? God, I'm so selfish, I mean what with his Dad being sick and, and--" she sounded on the verge of tears now.
"No, no, you love him. It's understandable. I'm just saying that what you ask isn't easy for anyone. But you're right about never getting to see him; he is always busy. I mean, between sports, school, and his Dad, he barely has time for anything. Just think, though, is your relationship strong enough to survive the few times you get to be together and the talking you can do in between? I think you have to ask yourself if you love him that much that it would be okay."
"IÉI don't know. I guess we both have a lot to think about."
"Oh I know he's thinking about it a lot, don't worry," I said with a reassuring smile. I heard somewhere that if you listen to someone talk, you can tell whether they're smiling or not. I hoped she caught that.
"That's all I've been doing. We'll I guess we'll see how it goes when we actually talk again. Thanks, Kasey. For everything."
"No problem, Joni. I hope everything works out."
"Me, too."
By this time, Zeo had made his way about 10 yards into the forest. He was peering curiously up into the tall evergreens. I joined him, not wanted to miss out on the action. The ground was springy with damp brown needles as I crossed to where he stood, transfixed.
"Can you see that?"
"Looks like a bird's nest," I replied as I finally found what he had been so intently fixated on. A large mossy clump of sticks was nestled tightly near the center of the tree about 20 feet up. It was unoccupied, as far as I could tell, and almost unnoticeable against the brown bark of the tree and dark shading of the pine.
"Pretty crazy bird to build a nest so close to the road."
"Maybe it eats road kill?" I offered optimistically.
He grinned.
"Or maybe, it settled for the best place it could find before checking out the whole area."
"You about to get deep on me, Z?"
He finally broke his gaze to catch my eyes, fully locked in his focus.
"Don't you think that's what Ross is doing, Kasey? He thinks he found the best he can get. But he's settling too early. For all he knows, there's a crapload more forest out there that would be much better than what he's got right now."
"So you think it would be better for the hawk to go from tree to tree?"
He seemed pleased that I caught his metaphor and twisted it into a bit of a personal joke.
"Nah, that's stupid, too. But a guy's got needs, buddy. I'm sure you know that," he winked and continued, "So do I have to worry about you choosing a tree to early, too? You're not gonna ditch your best friend when we're only 15 right?"
My breath caught in my throat as my mind instantly jumped to thoughts of Orion and I being able to do the same things that Joni and Ross did. Okay, maybe a bit less showy, but just as romantic. Taking his hand on a walk in the park, holding him while he rested his blonde head in my lap. But that could not happen now. Not yet. I wasn't ready for that. I shook it off quickly before Zeo could notice and replied.
"No way, buddy. Friends always come first."
He just smiled and rubbed my loose brown hair.
"Good," he placed his arm on my shoulders, "because in the words of Miss Clarkson, my life would fucking suck without you."
The next day, things weren't any better on the "Roni" front. Joni didn't sit at our table during lunch, and Ross implied that they were nearly officially broken up. The cafeteria only seemed more dim and tasteless as he dismally noted they couldn't work things out and had been losing touch.
Zeo kept quiet, but I knew that we were both thinking about the roadside hawk's nest from the day before.
That night before I fell asleep my thoughts drifted around a bit before settling on the events that transpired during lunch. I couldn't get over the fact that two of my closest friends were going through such a hard time. Not only that, but Mikey was torn up about it as well.
Joni called me to ask what I thought as a mutual friend, but I knew that I wasn't going to get a call from Ross. It's not because we're not closeŃwe've known each other for yearsŃbut he's the independent type. He takes care of Mikey and Joni so well because he doesn't really need anyone to take care of him.
I wish I knew how that worked. I always had my parents to look out for me, and Zeo was glued to my side for as long as I could remember. And now, I even had Keith, the perfect older brother. Ross didn't have any of that; he didn't need any of that.
There was a reason he's kind of the undetermined leader of our group of friends that I couldn't quite put my finger on. There is no denying its existence, but pinpointing it exactly is difficult. Maybe it's his self-reliance, that people could always follow him, but he didn't need to follow anyone. Maybe it's the fact that he was incredibly talented, unfailingly so, so much that some people idolize him. I know Mikey does, and to a point, so do I. I think we all look up to him. Maybe it's because his life is so seemingly perfect, though I know that it isn't. And now his armor of perfection was starting to bare its chinks.
Because I know, behind his hazel eyes, his jaw defined from years of athletics, the faint mustache that he had just begun shaving, behind that faade of strength, is a boy as vulnerable as the rest of us. And I remember that fateful day when that became tragically apparent.
It's almost the end of March now so it must have been about a year ago. It was late in the afternoon, the weak rays of the sun barely penetrating through the typically overcast skies. Zeo and I were just out of the shower, relaxing after a Sunday swim. My mom's cell phone rang, which wasn't out of the ordinary, but her reaction was. She answered brightly, clearly recognizing the caller ID, but her voice quickly fell to no more than a whisper as she cast furtive glances over at us. She carried on the conversation in hushed tones, going to fetch Dad in the process. They have this whole "if I'm on the phone I'll talk in sign language and you'll totally understand everything" knack going for them. By the time she was done on the phone, her book sprawled open near her chair, Dad had turned off everything in the house and grabbed the keys, ready to be out the door.
"Um, Dad, what's going on?" I asked tentatively as Z and I poked our heads above the couch.
He sighed before opening his mouth to speak, only to be stopped by Mom, who had just hung up the phone with a forlorn expression.
"Ross is missing. His mom called to see if he was here. They're leaving to look for him now. They think he's run away."
"Why would he run away?" Z asked plainly; we both knew that this was completely out of character for Ross. He was always calm, always levelheaded. This seemed rash and entirely strange.
I could only imagine what might have happened to him to make him behave so differently.
I saw Mom open her mouth to explain but catch herself, changing her mind, letting her rationality keep tabs on her tongue.
"I think it's best to let him decide whether or not to tell you."
"Is he going to be okay?" I asked worriedly, as Dad put his arms around our shoulders and led us into the car. I looked up at him, strong as always in times of crisis. I knew Zeo was wondering the same thing as he turned his attention upwards as well.
"I think so, boys," he winked at me before turning to Z, "he just needs some reassurance, that's all."
Mom stayed at home in case Ross showed up as the three of us pulled out of the driveway in the 4Runner. Luckily, the rain held up and we could see fairly clearly as we drove the distance between our houses, scouring the streets for any sign of him.
We headed to Discovery Park, a quaint little area of cleared land on the edge of a redwood forest filled with wooden tables and benches. A stone fountain gurgled in its center and thick bushes adorned with tiny white flowers rimmed the edges of the park, forming a multitude of passages and walkways around the site. Zeo and I agreed he would be here; it was his favorite place to come and think. Only a half-hour's walk from his houseŃeven shorter if he bladedŃthe park was the perfect place to clear one's thoughts. The five of us had come here one night at his urging to see the stars, a rare sight in a usually overcast town.
Zeo spotted him immediately; he was sitting dejectedly on one of the swings in the playground. He kicked the worn dirt beneath him as he swayed a mere foot length back and forth, clearly lost in thought. Twin tracks of tears were fresh on his cheeks; his baseball hat was caught in the clench of his fists, exposing his short brown hair. His multi-faceted hazel eyes were focused on a spot of grass directly in front of him, clearly not seeing it but rather the images running through his mind.
We seemed to startle him as I took a seat on the swing next to him, Zeo standing between the two of us, holding the chains that tethered the worn pieces of rubber to the cross pole above.
"You alright?" Z ventured, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.
He smiled solemnly; the expression on his face borrowed from a man of thirty, it seemed.
"About as alright as I can be, considering my Dad is dying," he choked on the last word, tears trembling on the rims of his eyes, threatening to overflow at any moment.
Zeo quickly shifted to stand behind him, hands massaging strength into his shoulders as his head hung low. I knelt before him, knee in the dirt, trying to catch his eye.
"What happened, buddy?" I asked as gently as I could.
"We went to the coast today, had a little family picnic. Just us four. It was a lot of fun, the weather was great and everything was justÉperfect. Then Mom and Dad, they got all serious and sat Rayna and me down. They said Dad went to the doctors and ran some tests because he wasn't feeling good. The doctor called and told him he had some kind of cancer. I can't even remember what kind I just couldn't believe it. Rayna, she's only 9 now so I don't even think she understands what's going on. But I do. I know my Dad's gonna die."
"Hey you don't know that," I said so convincingly, I almost believed myself.
"I do, Kasey," the look in his eyes was so defeated, so feeble. I couldn't believe this was the same boy who had chest-bumped me after a game-winning goal only yesterday. He aged years in a single afternoon.
"But sitting here," I looked him straight in the eyes, hoping to imbue some strength from my gaze, "it's not going to do anything. My Dad's in the car calling your parents but they're worried like hell, man."
Zeo chimed in, helping me out.
"And your sister, she needs you, Ross. She needs her brother to say Ôhey everything's gonna be ok.'"
"Haven't been doing a very good job of that, now have I?"
"You are the best older brother I know," I offered my hand as I rose, "you had your time to come to terms with things, and now you can be strong. You're good at that."
He just stared at me in disbelief. So I tried a different approach.
"Look, Ross. The way I see it, you can either sit here and be sad or you can go back there and fight the cancer."
"How? I'm no doctor."
"You fight it by spending every moment you can with your Dad. Don't let it break you down, or then it's the winner isn't it?"
"And we know how much you hate to lose," Zeo winked, catching my drift and finishing my thought for me.
Finally, Ross seemed to straighten up a bit, finally able to look at life as just another challenge to face. This disease, this cancer, it would get to his Dad eventually, we both knew that. But I knew from that from this day on he would fight for every moment they spent together, because each moment was another battle won.
"Thanks, guys," he grasped my hand and I pulled him up from the swing. He stood shakily before Z and I both threw our arms over his shoulders and made our way to where my Dad was waiting patiently.
Ever since that day, Ross tried harder than ever to be amazing at everything. School, sports, even earning his Eagle Scout badge. I knew that he wanted to make his father as proud of him as he possibly could. That's why he plays every game like it's his last, spends his free hours at home, and puts his all into everything. I think he wants to achieve as much as possible while his Dad is still alive to watch him do it.
The chemotherapy is working for now, but we all know that sooner or later, the unthinkable will happen. And when it does, I can't imagine what it'll be like for him. I could never lose my Dad. He calmly comforted us when we returned to the car, explained that death is a natural part of life, and that some of us reach it faster than others. A source of strength, a source of wisdom, of love, his presence always makes me feel safe.
And Ross? Ross is a fighter. Simply put, that's what he is. He doesn't lead a perfect life, but he puts on his confident face and tries his hardest to. He fights for everything he believes in, so I can only hope that he believes in his and Joni's relationship as much as I do. Those were the final thoughts that echoed in my mind as I fell asleep.
"So how is Mikey holding up?"
Almost a week had passed and things were only going from bad to worse for Ross and Joni. They hadn't spoken after Ross talked to us at lunch on Monday and she failed to make an appearance again last night for our usual gathering. I was worried about the little guy but hadn't got a chance to talk to Orion about it until now.
"Good, given the circumstances. I think the talk last week really helped. But I don't think he's ready to give up on them just yet."
"He always has hope. Last year, we were down 5-0 at the half in a big game. Mikey is second-string, so he got sent in, but he was fully convinced we were going to make a comeback. He had an assist when Ross scored our first goal and stayed in until we won."
Orion smiled proudly.
"He's awesome."
We were on what I wanted to refer to as a date, but didn't seem right to call it that, given the circumstances. Orion and I had trooped on down to the local ice cream shop, located next to a small park, which was slowly coming out of its winter slump now that it was late March. The rain held up for the little while that the two of us followed the trail that circled the center of the park.
Orion's sparkling blue eyes shimmered behind his pralines n cream cone (I told him it was an old man flavor) as he licked it with a smile. His hair was perfectly settled on his head, a little spiky, but a little loose, all blonde. I was a bit caught up stealing glances at him that it took me a little while to realize he was actually laughing at me. Perfect dimples marked his cheeks as he tried to contain the mirth behind his eyes.
"You spilled a little bit there, Kasey," he pointed down at my shirt, a bright green (mint chocolate to be exact) splotch stood out against the white fabric.
"Crap I didn't even notice," I said a little exasperatedly.
"Yeah, you seemed a bit preoccupied there," he replied suggestively, "here, just wipe it off for now."
He slid his napkin across the stain on my shirt, slowly, and I could feel the warmth of his fingers through the fabric. We were standing inches apart. His breath was sweet against my shoulder.
"All better," he said slowly as he glanced up to meet my gaze.
"Thanks," I exhaled, sure he could feel my sigh on his neck.
It was like a dream, just him and me, in the park, in Ross's park, under the shade of an oak. Everything was moving so slowly, so fluidly, so sweet, like honey from the bottle shaped like the bear that I always loved.
Then suddenly, the moment broke as Orion's eyes flew open in surprise, locked on something past me. He quickly grabbed my bicep and rushed behind a bush, presumably to hide and we both squatted down safely behind its leaves. All the time, I was acutely aware of his hand on my shoulder.
"What?" I asked, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice. I wasn't happy that he spoiled the moment.
"Look! Don't you recognize those lovebirds?" he pointed excitedly through the bush at a pair I instantly spotted.
Joni and Ross were in the middle of the park, near the now thawed stone fountain that now gurgled water as theyÉwait. I should probably start from the beginning so it would make more sense why they were there.
The following is a recollection as told to me by Joni and Ross in later times. So, if it's not accurate, they lied.
That morning, after leaving my house, Ross attended his two-hour volleyball practice, but realized that he didn't have any energy. He was drained; Joni consumed his every thought and he couldn't stop worrying that he was losing her. They both knew it was getting worse and he could sense that unless something momentous happened soon, they would be going their separate ways.
Meanwhile, Joni woke up at about noon, unable to sleep the entire night and only drifting off as the first rays of light shone through her lacy curtains. She claimed that in her dreams, she lost Ross and they officially ended things, but only then did she realize how tragic that would really be. She awoke with the knowledge that there was no possible way she could let him walk away from her, no matter what the cost.
As Ross showered, he could only think of Joni, and how much she meant to him. He recalled the times they spent climbing trees together (a weird habit of theirs) and looking out as far as the Oregon fog allowed.
Joni jumped out of bed and hustled down the stairs, barely pausing long enough to grab a jacket and shout, "I'm going out!" to her Mom as she passed her private library. As she walked she gently caressed the cross on her necklace that he bought for her on their one-month anniversary.
Ross toweled off, suddenly sure of what he needed to do. As soon as he could slip on clothes, he was out the door, heading determinedly down the street. Everything he passed reminded him of her. The tire that hung from the large maple tree in his yard where they shared their first kiss. The corner skate shop where she bought him new rollerblades. The mom and pop restaurant they ate at on their first date, the old movie theater they frequented, the dog she always fed, even his shoes, upon which she had written "forever" and "love" reminded him of their special bond.
They met here, the halfway point between their two houses like the ending of some corny romance story, only this was real life, and nearly as perfect. It's hard to believe, but it happened, and the only explanation for something that incredible to occur in actuality is that sometimes magical, unbelievable things happen. And they certainly happened today.
He spotted her first; her quick paces roused a flock of pigeons that were bustling about on the ground, sending them into a flurry. The whirlwind of wings and feathers caught his eye, and with her auburn hair fluttering in the chaos, the moment almost occurred in slow motion as he hurried over to scoop her up in his arms. By then we could hear their conversation as it carried over the light breeze that softened the air.
"Baby, I'm sorry," he crooned as their foreheads touched, his hand running through her hair, eyes locked.
"No, I'm sorry, I was stupid, I never should have asked you forŃ"
He cut her off with a passionate kiss, the bright blue of his backwards cap contrasting against the deep brown of her hair.
"ShhÉI know, I know," he smiled.
"Don't ever sacrifice anything for me, do you hear me Ross Henderson?" she looked up at him pleadingly.
"Come on babe, you know I can't promise that. I was ready to give up my life for you. You're what matters. Joni Fucking Incredible Mitchell. You're all that really matters to me."
He smiled. She smiled. They kissed some more. A lot more. And held each other so tight it was as if he thought if he let go, she'd float away like a balloon on the wind.
"It's so sweet I'm gonna puke," Orion giggled next to me, temporarily distracting me from the conversation.
"I love you," was all she said.
"I love you more," was all he needed to say back.
They made love look so simple I was ready to barf, too. A happy barf, though, since I was thrilled they were back together. Now if only my own love life could work out as well as theirs, I thought to myself as Orion grinned uncontrollably with that brilliantly white smile that always found me in my dreams.
That's all for now but the next chapter is definitely an exciting one you won't want to miss! Please email me with your comments because really, the more I get the more I work on the next chapter.
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Love always, Owen Wright