Redefining Normal By Owen Wright
Hi guys, you may have noticed the huge gap between the first seven chapters and the final three. I used to say that I hope this will be "a very long series following the journey of Kasey Sanders, the narrator, as he learns to redefine the concepts that construct his world." As it turns out, life got in the way and that very long series never happened. But I felt like this story deserved a happy ending, at least. That's what I've put together in these last three chapters, and I hope that old and new readers alike will get some closure.
Almost the same disclaimer: The characters are purely fictional; any relation to actual people/stories is absolute bullshit. I'm serious.
Author's note: Please, enjoy the series, and if you want to contact me, please do so at superwrighter13@gmail.com. I'd love to hear your comments, and although I'd rather not hear any harsh criticisms, I'd be more than happy to accept constructive ones.
Chapter 8 - Back to Best Friends
"So what, Dad, are we just supposed to wait now?" Zeo asked skeptically, holding his fly-fishing rod in position lackadaisically.
"Yes, Zeo," his Dad replied in a deep bass, "but you might want to be quiet, I think all your chattering is scaring the fish away."
He grinned at me and winked.
Zeo looked to me with eyebrows raised, asking for help. I just shrugged and chuckled. I wasn't going to lose any fish over this argument.
We were camping over the weekend with Zeo's Dad on the Deschutes. He usually works weekends, and never really gets to spend time with Zeo, who is in school when he's off from work. So every so often he takes off for the weekend and takes us to do something fun. Last time it was the beach house, but this time, he brought us here because, and I quote, "every boy ought to know how to camp out in the wilderness. It's good for you."
So there we were. Learning the fine art of fly fishing. And I was actually getting the hang of it. The continuous recasting was starting to make my arms ache, but the satisfying whirr of the line made me feel much better as it whipped the fake fly onto the surface of the water in front of me.
Unlike my often obnoxious best friend, I enjoyed the quiet of the wilderness. I stood waist deep in the cool stream. Sunlight filtered by the patterned leaves and branches overhead danced off the rippling water below. When Z finally fell quiet, I could hear everything: the trickling sound of fresh water over smooth pebbles, the birds flitting from tree to tree, and the zip of our lines through the air as we continuously reeled and recast to keep our baits moving.
I glanced over at Zeo's Dad, who was now concentrating very hard on his fishing, putting in the extra effort to get the cast just right, moving about to find a good spot. With him not being around as much, it was easy to forget how much Zeo resembled his father. But with them together like this, right next to each other, and now, getting their lines tangled together, it was hard not to notice the similarities. Zeo's shoulders were getting broader by the week, and were almost as large as his dad's. Both men shared dirty blonde hair, though the elder opted for the professional gelled combover whereas Z liked his tousled like mine. The freckled sunlight that reflected off the stream sparkled back in their eyes, Z's a slightly lighter hazel than his father's. As they jokingly argued while trying to disentangle themselves, their identical smiles shone brightly on pronounced jawlines. Z was looking more like his father every day, though I must say, I can't ever imagine Mr. Thompson ever having a personality as vivid as his son's.
"Now, Dad, what were you thinking? Casting your line over my way, really," Zeo shook his head in mock disappointment.
Zeo's Dad laughed deeply, reminding me of my own father. It echoed back with a pleasant heartiness off the trunks of the trees that surrounded us.
"I'm sorry, son, I guess somehow I didn't notice you standing there! Strange. Normally it's hard to miss you."
"Probably because I'm so handsome," Zeo ran his hand through his bangs, pushing them back.
"Yes, sir. And you know who you get that from," he grinned as he mouthed "me," and pointed to himself.
"Oh, please. Everyone knows I'm adopted."
"So you found out, huh? Did Mom tell you?"
I guess this comment was the last straw, not that they were actually arguing anyway. Nevertheless, it was at this point that both men cast off their fishing rods to the banks of the stream. I heard a surge of water as Zeo rushed at his father, soaking him in a wet tackle. The scuffle continued amongst shouts for mercy and peals of laughter. I was turning around to watch the fight when I felt a distinct tug at the end of my line.
"Uhh guys? Someone?"
They froze. Water dripped off Zeo's bangs and onto his sideways grin. His dad, however, wore a look of surprise, his eyes wide with shock when he noticed the angle of my rod.
"Pull!" he shouted as he waded over to where I stood, struggling to reel my line.
"FISH!" Zeo shouted excitedly as he finally caught on to what was happening. He too trudged over, long arms flapping as he maneuvered his body through the water, shirt soaked clear through, exposing his defined chest.
"Okay, did you set the hook?" Zeo's dad instructed as he made his way over.
"Yeah! But I'm just..having trouble..bringing it in," I tried to explain between struggling with the line.
Zeo grabbed the net that had been tossed onto the bank and handed it to his Dad, who was now right next to my pole. He instructed me to reel it in steadily while he waited with the net. Soon, the fish was thrashing near the surface of the water, I could see the shimmer of the salmon's dappled back as it fought against the line. Pouncing quickly, Zeo's dad grabbed my line and yanked it out of the water, neatly scooping the huge salmon into the net.
"Hey, not bad!" he exclaimed, impressed, "definitely over 10 pounds!"
I was still shocked. It wasn't the first time we'd been out fishing, but it was the first time I'd actually caught anything and Zeo, well, he was more likely to catch his own bellybutton than a fish.
"Well I know what we're having for dinner tonight," Zeo grinned as he eyed out the salmon hungrily.
"Yeah, why don't you boys go grab some firewood while I clean it? We should be able to start cooking in an hour or so."
The sun was still fairly high in the sky, it being summer and all, but the warmth that radiated through the forest indicated it was nearing late afternoon. We shuffled out of the water to dry beneath the soft rays of sunlight, keeping an eye out for kindling to collect.
"That was pretty much the best fish I've ever eaten in my life."
"Z, you're fifteen. Your life hasn't been very long," I responded offhandedly.
We padded softly on the springy moss that carpeted the floor of this stretch of the forest. The sun set a few hours ago and the moon was barely visible over the peaks of the tall evergreens that reached out to touch the pale stars that now dotted the horizon. Our flashlight beams danced off the trunks of the trees that surrounded us, but we were careful not to wander too far. The faint light of our fire still shone from between the pines. The forest fell quiet at this time of night. Our banter over the soft trill of crickets singing in the brush was the only sound I could hear.
"True, but between you wrangling in that fish like the Crocodile Hunter and Dad whipping it up like some kinda Iron Chef...let's just say I ate like a king tonight."
"Yeah your Dad can cook," I thought back to all the other occasions he had thrown something together with fresh ingredients, making it up as he went along, "I wish we could hang out with him more often."
"Me, too, bud, me, too," he sighed, then perked up quickly, wide shoulders suddenly straight, "there's one!"
Zeo and I had wandered off into the forest in search of lightning bugs. Now that the sun finally sank behind the Coast Range, they were starting to come out of hiding, reveling in the warm humidity of evening.
"Here, give me the jar!" he exclaimed as he stood on tiptoes to scoop a little fellow off a wide leaf into the glass container.
"I'd say by that light, we'll need only about, eh, ten more?" I noted, studying the bug's flashing rear with utmost curiosity.
It crawled along the edge of the glass, flashing intermittently. They almost lost their magic close up, no longer glimmering specks dancing through the air, but actual living beings. But maybe that was what was most special. That something alive could produce something so otherworldly, a light to brighten even the most darkest hours. I stared, entranced for a while. When I looked up, Z's face peered back at me, distorted by the curvature of the thick jar.
"Yeah, but you're gonna have to do some of the work, too, you know," he grinned with a wink as he pressed the glass into my arms.
It didn't take long. As the moon rose over us, a good three-quarters this night, the sparkling stars brightened against the deep blue sky. Their tiny living counterparts grew more numerous as well, and we easily found enough to fill the jar. It took a few mishaps, a lot of captures, some releases, and a bunch of laughs, but we finally sealed the last one away--without letting the others escape--before heading back to camp, proudly wielding the trophy of our hunt.
When we left him, Mr. Thompson, or "Dave," as he often asked me to call him, was perched by the fire, using its soft glow to read the worn pages of a paperback novel. Now, though, a bag of marshmallows lay open at his feet, chocolate and graham spilled over his lap, and a few sticks lay propped against his chair.
It was s'mores time.
After showing off the spoils of our war with the wilderness, Zeo and I quickly dove into the bag of marshmallows, gently roasting them over the now dying embers of the flame.
"So, tomorrow, I was thinking we get in an early morning hike up to that freshwater pool about 3 miles up from here. We could eat lunch there and head back down to the car after that and drive home. How does that sound?"
"So you're telling me," Zeo said, as he rolled his now puffy marshmallow over the heat, "that after tomorrow, we have to go home?"
"Well, tomorrow is Sunday, son," his father reminded him, "and after Sunday is..."
"Monday. And we have school on Monday, yeah, yeah," Zeo complained, "but come on, you take off from your job for a little while, me and Kasey can miss a few days of school, it's not like we even learn anything anyway," he pleaded.
"Your mom would kill me, Zeo. Not to mention my boss would kill me if I didn't show up on Monday. You know the firm gets nowhere without me."
"Ah, I thought I'd give it a shot. Who knows? Maybe one day you'll cave."
"Yeah maybe when I'm retired. Anyway, it's getting late. Go get that bucket to put out the fire when you're done with your s'mores and make sure it's out. Do the whole dirt on it thing, too, whatever Smokey told you in Elementary school. See you in the morning, boys."
We said our "good nights" as he wearily trudged into his tent. A few minutes later his snores rumbled through the thin fabric.
Soon after that, Zeo and I found ourselves in the tent we were sharing, huddled together in the darkness of night. We left the small jar of fireflies right outside the tent; it was too bright to keep inside, but we needed it to see if we ever left the tent. It was so dark inside that I couldn't tell the difference between my eyelids and the walls of the tent, so I fell asleep before I knew it.
When I woke up, there was a strong pressure in my bladder, but it wasn't any lighter outside. I clambered out of my sleeping bag and unzipped the tent, heading out to pee on the closest tree I could find.
"Wazzat," Zeo mumbled groggily as he rolled over to face me, "Special K? Where you going?"
"I gotta pee, go back to sleep."
"No, dude!" he insisted wearily, "buddy system!"
Before I could stop him, he crawled out of the tent to join me, scooping up our only source of light and leading the way.
"Dude, why are you going so far?" I whispered as we clambered through the darkness, the dirt floor beneath us disappearing into greenery under the pale moonlight.
"Well you can't pee in the clearing! We'll step on it tomorrow," he shot back, our jar of fireflies clutched to his chest.
"Alright, fine, I found a tree, can I go now?"
"Yes," he replied summarily, the soft glow of the bugs lighting the grin on his face.
"Well don't just stand there and watch," I unzipped my jeans and gestured for him to get out of my way.
"Alright I'll just sit here with the light," he emphasized, "good luck not pissing on yourself in the dark."
I rolled my eyes, although more for my own benefit than his, then finally began to let it all out. It took awhile. I must have drank more water during dinner than I remember. It's good I made it out here because Z was right, I definitely would have left a puddle.
The woods were eerily dark this time of night. The moon light only penetrated the canopy in patches; the dappled glow was barely enough to make out the trunk in front of me. I heard a rustle high in the branches as I finished zipping back up, so I turned quickly to leave.
There was no light.
"Z?" I called out, and felt a hand grab me by the wrist, "dude what the hell? Where did the jar go?"
I could make out his shape now, the pale luminance of his dirty blonde hair.
"Well, I was playing with the bugs and--"
"They escaped?"
He nodded guiltily, pressing the now empty jar into my palm.
"Dumbass," I sighed, not really angry as I was very much used to this from the guy, "well you have to lead the way back."
"Fine," I felt his grip tighten on my wrist, his fingers now so long they wrapped around it entirely, "stay close."
Luckily, it wasn't pitch black, so we could make out the woods a few feet ahead of us. The challenge was identically reversing the direction we entered in. And that was easy enough, seeing as we had only entered the woods a few yards. We did find some trouble, though, in actually maneuvering our way among the fallen branches and roots and leaves that we were now unable to see.
I stumbled over a tree root, and Z's arm shot around my waist to keep me from falling. Laughing, I thanked him, but not long before I pushed his neck downwards to keep him from walking into a low hanging branch. It's one of the best feelings in the world: to have someone's back and know that in times of darkness, they have yours as well.
By the time we made it back to the tent, we were a mess of tangled limbs, a few strands of spiderwebs, and a dead leaf tumbling back into the small opening. We hadn't stopped laughing since we high-stepped through the last portion of the woods and I jumped on Zeo for a piggyback ride the rest of the way to the tent. We'd been caught up in some serious circumstances lately, and I missed just goofing around the way we used to.
We lay panting from exhaustion and laughter, toned chests rising and falling with heavy breathing. I wore a grin that wouldn't leave my face. Zeo nudged me with his elbow, wearing that trademark smirk, which I couldn't see, but knew was there.
"Scared of the dark?"
"No! I just didn't want to fall because someone lost our light," I quipped back with a slightly harder elbow nudge.
He elbowed me again.
I elbowed him again.
It escalated, a back and forth rhythm of elbows and limbs and giggles until finally we were pushing each other away to stop, our breathing heavy again, interspersed with laughter.
"Truce!" I called out, trying to keep hold of the hand he kept squirming out of my grip to tickle me.
"Truce," he agreed, finally stopping, but not after one last poke.
He always had to have the last say. I just accepted it with a smile. We lay shoulder to shoulder again, foregoing the normally claustrophobic independent sleeping bag for two completely unzipped ones forming the padding beneath us and the cover over us. When Z spoke, he lay completely still, facing the darkness of the tent's recesses above us; it was almost as if he were talking to me from a distant space.
"Dude, can I just say that I don't think you're gay."
I had no idea where that came from. We were just lying there, enjoying the last few laughs of the night and he goes and drops that bomb. I wasn't even sure how he knew. That one sentence just sent my mind spinning into memories of talking with Keith and times I shared with Orion, and my own struggle with my sexuality.
I knew that I was going to talk about this with Zeo sooner or later; I mean, it was only fair because we told each other everything. I didn't think it would be so soon, though, I didn't even have a chance to discuss it with Orion yet, and this concerned him more than it did my best friend, no matter how much I loved the both of them.
It felt like my thoughts were whooshing around in my brain and it's a good thing I was laying down or I might have collapsed from the mere shock.
All I could manage was a weak "What?"
"Look. I'm your best friend. I'm not stupid. I can see what's going on with you and Orion. And I'm not the only one. No one really talks about it, but Joni asked me about it and I don't think Ross is too happy he doesn't know anything either."
I didn't know what to say, so when he paused I just stayed silent. He sighed and continued.
"I know Keith coming into your life made a big difference, I get that. But just because he's gay doesn't mean you are, too. I've known you for six, almost seven years now, Kasey, and you've never ever struck me as gay. I just think that maybe seeing your brother be happy the way he is, and the way Orion is hitting on you"
"He doesn't hit on me," the words escaped my mouth before I even realized I was forming them, and they just kept coming, "I don't know what it is, okay Zeo? That's why I didn't tell anyone, because I'm really confused, okay? And I need you to help me, not tell me I suck for not saying anything."
"I didn't say anything like that, Kasey," now he was looking at me, trying to make sure his words got through to me, "I just don't think you're like that. Yes, of course you're confused, this guy you haven't known for the past 15 years just shows up on your doorstep and he's great and he's gay and you start to wonder if you are, too. But I know you, Kasey, and you're not."
"Well how would you know? I don't even know," I wasn't happy with him, but I wasn't angry, either. I think we were equally lost and confused, just like in the forest, the blind leading that blind. At least back there, though, I could lean on him for support.
"You're right," he realized, "I don't know for sure. But come on, if you're going to go that way, why don't you at least try it the normal way first."
I opened my mouth to complain but he stopped me, wanting to finish.
"Yes, I know, it'll screw things up with Orion, whatever. I just don't want to see you get hurt, okay? You've seen how they treated Keith after he came out, I just want you to be absolutely sure you're not straight before you and Orion start to get serious. He'll understand, too, if he cares about you."
It made sense. Why jump into something that life-altering without being completely sure? And Zeo was right, he knew me better than anyone. Longer than Keith, at least. As much as my heart kept telling me I couldn't do it, not to Orion, not after all that we'd been through, maybe Zeo was right. We never committed to each other, hell I didn't even know for sure if he liked me or not. We weren't together. And it would only be fair to me, and him as as well, to make sure that if I do go into this, it's what I really want, that I'm absolutely sure and have no regrets.
"Okay," I managed.
"Okay you'll do it?" Zeo asked excitedly.
"Yeah, I'll give it a shot."
"Alright, so I was talking to Joni yesterday and--"
"Z, can it wait until tomorrow morning?" I cut him off, not because I wasn't happy that he was happy and so on and so forth, but because all this thinking really exhausted me.
"Yeah, fine," he sighed and rolled over, "but tomorrow? Big day. Good night."
"Night," I whispered, pulling the covers up to my chin.
I lay there for a while, just thinking. The guy had a good point. I just didn't want to believe it, I guess. It was so easy talking about this stuff with Keith; with him, I was always sure of my feelings for Orion because he supported them. Zeo supports me, too, but in a different way. He's my best friend, and I know he only wants me to be happy. At the same time, though, he knows that if I do have feelings for Orion, they can have some unfortunate consequences.
Suddenly all of those feelings I had right after Keith moved in came flooding back in the surge. I remembered why I didn't want to think of myself as gay. It limited me, it meant that I was going to have to deal with some unfortunate issues, and most of all, it could only make my life more complicated. I just wanted to be normal like everyone else.
Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to give the `normal life' a shot.
"Do I look okay?" I adjusted the collar of my shirt in the mirror, giving myself a final once over.
I had added some wax to my auburn hair, to give it some texture, although it still fell in its tousled manner. The vertical green pinstripes running down my shirt matched the color of my eyes, and contrasted nicely against the black jeans beneath them. The shirt was fitted, which I liked, because I wasn't exactly able to fill out a normal shirt, not like James could, so the cut accented my thinner, swimmer-like frame nicely.
"I don't know why you had to shave, you don't even have facial hair."
"Shut up, you know I do, ever since January," I turned so Zeo could check me, "so?"
"Yes, bravo, stud of the year."
"Not helping," I pointed out as I rummaged through my drawer to find the cologne Dad bought me for my birthday last year.
"Sorry. Dude just stop freaking out, it's gonna be fine. Why are you so nervous?"
"I don't know, I'm just not really good with this you know?" I spritzed myself, but just once. Dad always said a little goes a long way.
"Not good with women, or not good with dating?"
I shot him a look.
"Neither. And you know that. And yet here you are, helping me get ready for my first date, in history, with a girl."
"Yes, but a girl who has a big fat crush on you. So you can pretty much do anything and you'll be fine. You couldn't ask for a better deal, Kasey."
The girl we were referring to was Summer Adams. Joni's best friend. Evidently, Zeo and Joni were both talking about me on Friday and my love life was a topic of interest. Joni brought up that Summer was interested in me, and Zeo brought up that I needed some experience with women. So they conspired to bring us together.
This was relayed to me on Sunday, after a sleepless night and a long, long hike up and down the mountain. Somehow, Zeo convinced me to ask Summer out to dinner, so I figured I'd take her somewhere at least half decent. I caught her after class the following Monday, her locker was next to Joni's (how did this not happen before?).
She spoke a soft hello, her sweet smile tugging at the corners of her eyes.
With Zeo being my best friend and all, I'm not exactly the best at talking to other people because he usually does all of it. I'm pretty much just the quiet supporter, the good guy. So asking her out wasn't easy, but by the time Zeo had propelled me in her direction, turning back would've just looked foolish.
"Hey, how've you been?" I went for the casual approach, trying to sneak it in after a little bit of small-talk.
"Good," she pushed her soft, light brown hair behind her ear, "have a fun weekend?"
"Yeah, I did actually, Z and I went camping," I paused, taking a chance to catch the gaze of her hazel eyes, "it was fun."
Inhale. Exhale. Calm down.
"You guys do everything together, huh?" she giggled, but not one of those annoyingly girlish giggles. It was an amazingly cute giggle, warm and sincere. It showed off her beautiful smile, and perfect dimples.
"Well, not everything," I chuckled in kind, "but most things, yeah."
Awkward pause. She shuffled some of the papers around in her folder, maneuvering delicate fingers through the white files. I stuck my hands in my pockets, my default nervous move.
"So, normally we all hang out on Fridays--at my place--but they're all busy this week so I was wondering...do you want to grab dinner?"
My Friday wasn't actually free prior to lunch, when Zeo told everyone at the table that I'd be busy Friday night and that they'd make other plans. No one was too perturbed; Ross had a game the next day anyway so he was just going to sleep early and get some rest. Mikey was going to study with his new friend, Cheyenne Freeman, the gorgeous cheerleader that was actually taking an interest in him. James and Zeo were going to the mall (presumably to spy on me, although they claimed James needed new shoes). Orion, though, remained silent the entire time, occasionally shooting me a questioning glance, hurt that he wasn't aware of what my plans were. I didn't know if I should tell him. So I just avoided it. But, hey, I've got enough friends to go around..right?
"Just the two of us?" she cocked an eyebrow, in need of reassurance.
"As in a date," I confirmed, laying it out on the table.
"Sounds good," she clicked a blue ball point pen and lightly grabbed my arm, "this is my number."
Her touch was so soft, like the caress of a silk on my skin. I could feel the warmth radiating from her fingertips, the ticklish sensation of cold ink on my bare skin.
"Thanks," I caught her hazel eyes again, my breath shortened by the multicolored fragments within them, like tiny facets of stained glass. It was incredible. And they almost seemed to be saying, thank you for asking. I was glad I did.
She smiled, whispered bye, and turned silently back towards class, textbooks clutched tightly to her chest. Her brown hair fell in a sheet over her back, the delicate curve of her neck barely visible behind a silky sheen.
I could go for this, I thought to myself. Normal was starting to look pretty good. More pretty than good, actually.
And now it was Friday, the normal nighttime get together was cancelled; everyone was off doing their own thing this week. Zeo was heading off to meet James, soon. And I was off to meet Summer Adams, the girl that anchored me to normalcy in my ever-changing world.
"Alright, enough, dude," Zeo rose to look me in the eye, "you're going to be fine, okay? But if you don't leave now, you're going to be late."
I sighed, fastened my watch and returned his gaze.
"Thanks, Zeo."
"Anytime," he smiled and walked me out of the room, protective arm over my shoulder, my always-brother.
"So where are we going, again?" Keith asked over the hood of his black Tacoma as he unlocked it so we could hop in.
"Olive Garden, the one in Beaverton," I answered before entering through the passenger side. The lights of the garage reflected brightly off the shiny black door.
"Could you have picked a more cliche place for a date?" he smirked as he keyed the ignition.
"Probably, but seriously? I'm 15. I don't have too many options."
"Yeah, I guess. So am I picking up Orion, too or is he meeting you there?" he asked casually as he backed out of the driveway, neck craned to see through the rear window.
"Um, it's not with Orion."
"What?" the car jerked as he punched on the brakes, peering at me curiously, his bright green eyes wide with shock, before finally resuming motion.
"Yeah, it's with this girl, Summer. And we're meeting her there."
"A girl?" my head knocked against the rest behind it, jarred again by another sudden stop.
"Yeah, a girl."
"Okay. What's going on?" Keith asked, his brows furrowed. His jawline stood out furiously as he focused his eyes on the road, but his attention on me.
I shrugged, a bit taken aback by his intensity. This was probably the angriest I'd ever seen Keith, and the first time he was ever upset with me. I didn't know what to say, or how to explain myself. In fact, I didn't really know why he was so agitated. I could guess, but I wasn't exactly sure, and I didn't want to say anything that would make it worse.
He looked over and read my expression while we came to a stop at a red light, the late afternoon sun peeking out between apartment buildings, casting a warm light on my worried face.
He sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry alright? I didn't mean to get mad at you, I guess I'm just confused. And c'mon, little man, I'm driving you to this special date of yours, and I'm only getting paid in love, so help me out here and explain what this is all about..please?" the anger that flushed his cheeks was replaced by a calmer tone, but his body language still suggested anxiety.
I drew in a deep breath, toned chest rising beneath my blue-green woven shirt.
"I'm going on a date with Summer Adams, she's Joni's best friend."
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"Because you're gay, Kasey!"
Silence. I stared him down with critical eyes, alight with fury. His chest was heaving now, full of irritation, his strong knuckles clenched tightly on the steering wheel.
"Just because you're gay doesn't mean it's contagious, alright?" I hated the way I sounded.
But someone had to say it because it was the truth.
"Of course it's not contagious--" he started.
"You know that's not what I meant. You're my brother and I love you, Keith," the emotional strain was starting to tug at my voice, "but just because you're gay doesn't mean I have to be, too. Let me just try this and see where it goes."
"Fine. But what about Orion?"
That name. Like a lightning bolt to the heart jumpstarting the churning of my brain, the world silenced for a split second, turning into mush as I considered my surroundings and came back to reality.
I never knew the power of a name until I heard his.
"W-what," I stammered, "what about him?"
"Kasey, you told me you have feelings for him. Are you just going to pretend they don't exist so you can date this Summer girl?"
"It's one date. Besides, if he liked me back he would have said something already! I'm tired of waiting for him to make a move, if he wants me he needs to show me!"
"Well this is sure showing him, isn't it."
I sighed. I willed the tears to stay in the recesses of my eyes and not betray the conflict within my soul.
We pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant.
"I just--Keith. Please just let it go for now, okay? If I fuck up..if this is wrong, you can tell me `I told you so' until you run out of breath but please just let me try this. Just this once."
He sighed, relaxed his grip on the steering wheel, and turned to me.
"If you're set on doing this then fine. I will be here for you. And I will be here when you've fucked up for the thousandth time and you come crying to me. Alright? I'm your brother, that's what I do. So if I can't prevent this mistake, you better damn well know I'll help you fix it later. I love you, okay?"
"Okay. I love you, too. Thanks for coming around."
He pulled me into a bear hug, huge arms wrapping tight around my thinner frame. I buried my face into his neck for a split second and inhaled his signature scent that always made me feel safe and protected.
Keith looked me up and down, fixed my collar, mussed up my hair a bit, chuckled, and sent me on my way with a semi-supportive "good luck."
It was date time.
Summer met me at the door, with nearly perfect timing, her brown hair silken soft over bare shoulders, the light green dress nicely complementing her hazel eyes. She smiled politely, the corners of her eyes crinkling a little, and I held open the door and requested a table for two.
She crossed and uncrossed her sandalled feet nervously as we waited to be seated. We talked about things that didn't matter: the weather, our classes, her new puppy. Every so often her eyes would dart up to meet mine, the glimmer flashing enticingly before being pulled away. It was easy; the conversation flowed from one topic to the next, the slight anxiety only increasing the excitement of things to come. There was no guessing, she clearly wanted to be here, as much as I did, and by the time we took our seats, she was giggling at my bad jokes (courtesy of Zeo) and even accidentally brushed my hand on the way to our table.
Eventually, her shyness faded away, and after ordering a plate of shrimp scampi, the glimmer in her eyes was all mine to behold, sparkling with excitement and focused all on me.
"So tell me, Mr. Kasey," she grinned, "what is the secret to your success?"
"What do you mean?" I tried to stay humble, but her admiration swelled up my head big enough to fill up the entire restaurant.
"You're handsome, good at soccer, pretty smart...should I continue?"
I laughed, so thrilled that this beautiful girl noticed these great things about me. Being appreciated feels good. being appreciated by an amazing girl feels ten times better. I mean Keith thinks I'm cool. Zeo thinks I'm cool. But Summer thinks I'm awesome? I was doing everything I could to not perform some kind of touchdown celebration.
"Want to know the secret?"
"Of course."
"Friends," she giggled, and I continued, "they do all the work and I just go along with it."
"Ahh," she nodded enthusiastically, "I see. Well, it's definitely working."
Was she flirting with me? I think yes! I was so excited. Here was a beautiful girl, totally into me, and she was even complimenting me.
I enjoyed myself. I found out her favorite animal was a kangaroo, since the first time her parents took her to the zoo and she saw a joey poke its head out of its mother's pouch. She told me about her dance team and their trip to nationals, and their almost first place finish. Her favorite author, I learned, was Jules Verne, and she found solace in the strange world of fiction. It was like everything about her was beautiful.
I managed to take the check, and she politely thanked me for dinner, before we headed out. She was about to call for a ride when I suggested we take a walk. She obliged and took my hand.
"Do you come to this part of town a lot?" she asked, but it took me a bit to figure out what she was saying; her delicate hand was so warm in mine.
"KInd of, we play games out here every so often so we'll just just hang out in this area afterwards," I noted, gesturing to the shopping complex we strolled around.
"It's really beautiful out here, I wish I came more often. Usually we just come here to shop. But during the night it really lights up nice."
"Yeah, I like the way they showcase the trees to kind of take away from the blandness of the buildings."
She paused. Looked at me weird. And continued on.
There were a few moments of silence, we walked along, her hand in mine, our heartbeats connected through the conduit of our touch, feeling her next to me, sharing the same space in the universe. It was a peaceful silence.
Then she stopped suddenly, in her tracks. And I knew what she wanted me to do. I'd watched enough movies to know what happened at this part.
I moved my hand to her waist, slipped another around her neck, with ease I didn't know I had, and my lips met hers as lips do: softly.
It was...nice. Peaceful. Relaxing. Comforting. Her lips were soft and tasted of cherry, a summer sweet kiss in the Spring.
It was nice.