Redefining Normal

Redefining Normal By Owen Wright

Hi guys, you may have noticed the huge gap between the first seven chapters and the final three. I used to say that I hope this will be "a very long series following the journey of Kasey Sanders, the narrator, as he learns to redefine the concepts that construct his world." As it turns out, life got in the way and that very long series never happened. But I felt like this story deserved a happy ending, at least. That's what I've put together in these last three chapters, and I hope that old and new readers alike will get some closure.

Almost the same disclaimer: The characters are purely fictional; any relation to actual people/stories is absolute bullshit. I'm serious.

Author's note: Please, enjoy the series, and if you want to contact me, please do so at superwrighter13@gmail.com. I'd love to hear your comments, and although I'd rather not hear any harsh criticisms, I'd be more than happy to accept constructive ones.

Chapter 9 - It's a Team Effort

Despite growing up on a steady diet of Disney's animated classics and loving every talking animal, evil villain, and magic spell, I never really got the whole concept of true love's kiss. The movies made it look so incredible, like a life-changing moment in time. Sleeping Beauty awakes from her slumber, Ariel gets her legs, all to the enchanting sounds of a full symphony in the background, and bright, colorful animation. Real life is nowhere near as exciting. When I kissed Summer, her hands in mine on that cold day under the last rays of the sinking sun, that's what I thought it would be like. I'd wake up from that illusion that for whatever reason I was like Keith and finally go back to being normal. Go back to life the way it was before he came into it, when I took stupid advice from Zeo, and only cared about soccer, and my friends, and my mom and dad. I think I wanted a dog. Come to think about it, I begged for a dog, it was all I wanted. He made me forget all of that, he took me away from the world I'd gotten comfortable in and forced me into one that I sure as hell wasn't ready for. I wanted her lips to give me the truth, I wanted that magical moment where everything makes sense, when the conflict is resolved, I wanted the happily ever after. But I didn't get it. No fireworks, no sparks, no Andrew Lloyd Weber string orchestra growing to a booming crescendo. Just a kiss. A nice kiss, but that's all it was.

When she looked up at me, eyes pleading for confirmation that the kiss was every bit as important to me as it was to her, all I could think was that I'd made a terrible mistake. And that's not something you tell someone to their face. "What's wrong?" she asked. Her hazel eyes darted back and forth, wavering.

"Nothing, it's just--"

"You didn't feel it, huh," her hands fall to her sides, "that's alright. To be honest, it wasn't really what I was expecting either." "What were you expecting?" "I don't know. Fireworks? That moment in West Side Story when everything else in the world goes blurry and it's just Tony and Maria--I just wanted to be your Maria so bad." "Summer, you're great, it's really not you--" "It's not you it's me, yeah I've heard that one before. Look, I'm not upset. Really, I'm not. It's kind of my fault, anyway. I just had this huge crush on you and I should know better than to expect that real life is anywhere near as good as I can dream it. Life isn't West Side Story, you know?" She had a point, but then again, I'd never dreamed of anyone like Orion before. He happened to me. And I should have known then that it was better than anything I could have hoped for. Yet here I was kissing a girl Zeo set me up with. "I should have known better, too." "What do you mean?"

"I think I'm kind of in love with someone. In a West Side Story kind of way. And it's real. I think." "Then why didn't you say that before? I can't take you away from your Maria, that's just so wrong. If I had known that when Zeo talked to me--" "Zeo talked to you?" "Yeah, he said you were so into me, and that you wanted to take me out but were just too shy to ask. I figured it made sense, you're a pretty quiet guy and--"

"Summer, we have to go. I'll get my brother to drop you off at home but there's someone I really need to talk to."

"Zeo? He lied to me, huh." "Yeah, I'm sorry about that." "Me, too."

"You were right," I told Keith as I climbed into the passenger seat of the Toyota. We had just dropped Summer off back at her house. She wasn't as disappointed as I thought she would be--either that or she was good at hiding it. She was really cool about the whole thing, and despite the whole no fireworks thing, we actually had a lot in common. She told me to give her some space but that she'd call me later to find out how my West Side Story ended. I hoped I would have good news for her. "About what?" he asked. "Everything." "Damn. I mean I love being right but not like this. Everything's messed up, now huh?" "Everything." "Is it too late to try and catch opening night?" I considered it, checked my phone. No new messages, said the harsh bright screen.

"It's too late, Keith. I screwed it all up and now I'm too late." "Oh, dude, no. I understand the teen angst or whatever but not in the car, okay? I just washed it. You can be sad. But no moping." "Well what else am I supposed to do? Everything's gone to shit." He jerked the car into park at a red light and turned to me. "Look at me," he grabbed my chin in his hand and locked his green eyes on mine, "you screwed up. Real bad. But you're going to fix it and I'm going to help because I love you and you're hopeless. Now you say it." "Keith, the light is green." He didn't even look up. "I don't care. Now say it." "People are honking." People were honking. He stared harder. "Fine. I'm stupid but I'm going to fix it and you're going to help me because you love me." "And?" "And I'm hopeless." He let go of my chin and tapped my cheek. "Atta boy." "I hate you." "You love me." "Yeah, whatever," I tried to hold back a smile, "can we go now?" He grinned and threw the truck into drive as cars swerved around us, flipping the bird and some other creative gestures I hadn't seen before.

My phone finally lit up and buzzed. Keith kept driving as I picked it up.

"Mikey, hey! Are you at Orion's show?" "I was, but it's been over for a while now, Kasey." Hurried voices and shuffling peppered the background with sound. I could barely hear his voice, which sounded dejected compared to the laughing behind it. "I tried calling him and texting him. He didn't respond." I hear a pause on the other line, then the noise fades away. A door closes with a soft wooden thud. "Well, Kasey, what did you expect? He's not exactly happy to hear from you right now." "What do you mean?" I asked. "I'm not supposed to say anything," Mikey said. "I can't." "Can you at least tell me what it's about?" I was grasping for anything now. "For starters you weren't here tonight." He sounded almost accusatory. I couldn't tell if he was angry, and if he was, I had no idea why he would be. "It's only opening night, though. I mean, the show is going to run for a few more weeks I can see it anytime right?" "It's not about that, Kasey. It's kind of about what you decided to do instead." I was starting to think more people knew about my big mistake than I thought. "How did he know?" "Does it matter? He would have found out anyway." Would Zeo have told them? No. He never really liked Orion much, he wouldn't have told him. But if Orion's best friend found out-- "Wait. You told him, didn't you?"

A pause. "Yeah. Look, I'm sorry Kasey. I heard about it from Zeo. And Orion had a right to know." Mikey wasn't mad. He was disappointed. My face burned with shame in the dark cab of the truck. "About my personal life?" My head was spinning, why would one of my best friends betray me like that? "Yes! Kasey just don't--don't be mad at me, okay? I didn't want him to find out some other way. At least if he heard it from his friends we could be there when--" "When what? What happened, Mikey?" "Come on, Kasey. He was so in love with you I don't even think it qualifies as a secret. And you--you knew. You can act like you didn't but you knew. And maybe you didn't feel the same way but you could have let him down gently, talked to him about it, still tried to be his friend. But to end it like this? Kasey, he was crushed. He almost didn't make it onstage tonight." Mikey's voice was strained, like he was holding back. I appreciated it. I knew I was an asshole, but at least he didn't have to say it. "But he did?" I asked, voice wavering, hoping that the damage I did wasn't permanent. "Yeah, and he was amazing. You should have been here to see it." "But I--" "You should have been here to see it, Kasey. Look, I gotta go." I heard the rush of the crowd before the phone clicked off and imagined the bright room full of celebratory hugs and bouquets and balloons. Mikey was right, I should have been in that crowd. "Want me to take you over to the theatre?" Keith asked gently. "No, take me to Zeo's. We need to talk."

I cut through his backyard, a well-worn shortcut that led straight to his bedroom door. I rapped angrily at his window, aiming for the silhouette of my best friend splayed against it.

"Kasey?" a confused Zeo slid open the door.

Looking at his face, the boy I trusted what I felt like was my entire life, I was disgusted. He betrayed me. I trusted him and now I was fucked.

I blinked away tears of frustration and turned my heel on him, wondering why I even came in the first place. He was the last person I wanted to see.

"Kasey, what's wrong?" he reached out for my shoulder.

I shrugged him off.

"Kasey!" he shouted as I collapsed onto the tree that we used to climb when we were kids, unable to hold myself up anymore from all the emotional burden that fell upon me like the sky.

I am no Atlas, and I couldn't handle it.

He tried to help me up, but his touch just set me aflame. I caught my second wind, refueled by anger, and fought him off. I stood shakily, pushing his arms away.

"What the fuck?"

"It's your fault!" I could barely see through the kaleidoscope formed by my tears, "you fucked it up?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Summer! It was stupid! And Orion, now he won't answer the phone, and I've called him like sixteen times," I couldn't stop everything from pouring out, every phrase was punctuated with a punch, and soon I was hitting him repeatedly with a force I didn't know I had.

"Calm down!" he shouted behind his raised arms as he tried to protect himself, "I'm sorry, okay? I just thought--"

"But I lost him! I lost Orion!" and with that I tackled him to the ground.

We tussled, a tangled mess of bodies and tears and emotion. I flailed wildly, a physical manifestation of my internal frustration. Finally, Zeo managed to pin me.

"I'm sorry, okay? Do you hear me? I'm sorry!" he was starting to cry as well.

I finally gave up the struggle. I saw the pity in his eyes as he let me go, rolling onto his back so our shoulders were touching.

"You going to be okay?" I could hear his remorse. He finally understood what he did.

Finally, the tears stopped falling. I think I just ran right out, if that's even possible. I wasn't ready to face the world just yet though so I lay there on my back and tried as hard as I could to sink straight down beneath the soft grass of my best friend's backyard, through the moist soil and right into the heart of it all. Maybe there things would make sense.

And through it all, all I could see was a midnight sky, starless. A perfectly unwrinkled satin sheet of an intangible blue, deep as the ocean, and as unfathomable. I would never be able to figure it all out, it seemed.

"I think so," I managed weakly, the vulnerability of my voice surprising even me.

"I don't understand it at all, K. But you really do love him, don't you?"

I thought about it, let the sound of those words tumble in my head, sifting through them for some sort of truth like flecks of gold in a streambed. And they sparkled with resounding clarity.

"Yes," was all I needed to say.

"Well then, I guess we'd better get him back then," he said offhandedly as he rose and dusted himself off.

"We?" I asked skeptically, for some reason still unable to let go of the idea that he was the one that ruined my life in the first place.

"Yes, we, Kasey. It's always been we, us. And especially now that I fucked up your life big time, I owe you this one."

Fair enough. I sighed and allowed him to help me up, once again relinquishing myself to the pleasures of having a best friend.

"So what's the plan, then?"

When I got home from Zeo's house, exhausted from all the emotions and the fighting and the walking, it was a small but important comfort to see Keith's room light still on as I stood outside in the night, which had grown chilly as I made my way home. The house welcomed me back like an old friend, the arching trees, the winding driveway I could walk perfectly blind, the hearty oak door. I tried to keep quiet as I entered the house, letting the latch click behind me in the darkness. "You're home late," a voice called from the couch. I almost ran back out the front door. But I knew that voice. It was as comforting as the rest of the house, deep and worn with age, always sounding like the words came through a smile. "Dad?" I answered tentatively, "what are you doing on the couch?" It was more of a formality than a question I needed an answer to. Mom and Dad were fighting. It didn't happen often, but when it did, she got the bedroom. "Well, you know. Just a slight disagreement. So, how was your date?" Of course he knew. Everyone else knew. "It was okay." "That bad, huh?" "Pretty bad." "Hmm. Alright well Keith waited up for you. Said you'd come home a little out of sorts." That was putting it kindly. Thankfully it was dark so Dad couldn't see the tears in my dirt-stained shirt, the scratches from my scuffle with Z. But then again, I'm not that sure he would have asked about them. He has a way of just knowing things. It's annoying mostly, but in times like these when I just don't feel like talking, knowing someone understands you without you having to say anything, it's pretty awesome. "Thanks. Good night, Dad." "Good night, Kasey." I shuffled up the stairs to my brother's bedroom.

I found him sprawled on his bed, reading the fourth Harry Potter book. "Finally," he said as I walked in, "this book is so heavy. I should have bought the paperback version." He threw it onto his pillows and looked up at me. "What happened?" he asked, eyebrows furrowed. "Did Zeo do this to you?" He grabbed me by the arm and led me into the bathroom. We talked into the mirror at each other as he took a washcloth to my wounds like a weapon. "We sort of did it to each other. We got into a fight. Ahh, not so hard." I winced as he rubbed the dirt out of a cut on my neck. "Sorry. About what?" "What do you think? He forced me into something I didn't want to do. I was angry. And I guess he was, too." Keith paused, and looked at me through the mirror. This close, our faces were almost identical, his only slightly more muscled, the veins in his neck more prominent, his jawline stronger. But the same deep green eyes stared back at me under the same brown hair. "Let me guess, he was jealous that he was losing you? And he doesn't want you to be gay." "Yeah, how'd you know?" "Same thing happened to me and this guy David. We played football together since we were like five. He showed me his first armpit hairs, we went to the arcade together. Then when I told him, you know, he acted just like Zeo, tried to change me back, convince me that I wasn't." "But the weird thing is, Keith. No offense or anything but I wanted him to be right. I didn't want to be." "I know. You yelled at me in the car, remember?" "Yeah. Sorry about that. Ow!" "That was for not listening to me earlier," he laughed as he rubbed the washcloth into my face before dropping it back in the sink. The laughter died off into silence as I considered the marble sinktop. "Keith." "Yeah?" "I'm scared. I mean, having you is great and all but--this is my life now. What are people going to say? I stood up for you, of course, but having to stand up for myself. It's scary. What if it's not what I want?" "Then tough." "What?" Where was my comforting brother? Where did he go? "Tough. I'm not going to lie to you, it's not easy. Every day is a new struggle. That's why these idiots who go around saying it's a choice have no idea what they're saying. No one chooses to have to struggle with what other people are going to think of them. And it's hard. And maybe you want to wish it away, some people try. But the sooner you learn that this is you, this is just who you are, and you accept it, hell, you even become proud of it, no one can make you feel bad about yourself for something that you can't change. And you'll find someone amazing who will make you forget that you ever questioned it. Because you're going to make so much sense together nothing else will seem right. It's going to be tough, Kasey. But it's so worth it. Trust me." He grabbed my shoulders and looked straight at me. "And I'm going to be here for you. If anyone says anything, you let me know. And you talk to me about anything, you hear? It's gonna suck for both of us, but we'll get through it together, yeah?" I nodded dumbly, still trying to process everything. But somehow my chest felt a little lighter, the world a little brighter. Keith was right, it wasn't going to be easy, but I knew that there was one person out there who would make it all worth it.

I woke up the next morning groggy. My shoulder ached. A bruise was forming under the sleeve of my t-shirt, tender and purple. So naturally, I called the idiot who gave it to me.

"You sound terrible. Rough night?"

"Tell me I gave you at least one good bruise."

"Right on the hip. Almost sliced it open. You?"

"Shoulder. It's turning purple."

"Sweet. Hey you wanna come over and scheme? Gotta get your lover back somehow."

"Why can't you come over here?"

"I think I need to give your brother some space."

"Why?"

"Well he came over here to talk to me this morning. I mean, we didn't come to blows or anything like that. But he was kind of on edge."

The plan relied on me putting my complete faith in Zeo. It wasn't easy. With all that happened in the past week, I struggled to even trust his judgment. But when we were putting everything together, he came up with this part, as his way of making up for his mistakes. He accepted it, he said.

But whether or not he was my best friend again, I knew he had a habit of messing things up, bad judgment or not. So I followed him. And I eavesdropped. I'm not proud of it, but the way I see it, it was the only way I could be sure that everything would go according to plan, and to be there if anything went wrong.

Orion agreed to meet with Zeo, after the latter pleaded with him over the phone. Maybe Orion was angry but I think he was curious, too. He wanted answers, but not from me, not now. So he settled for talking to my best friend. As according to the plan, Zeo would be the buffer between the two of us until he was able to cool off, and we were able to explain ourselves. Yes, we. Because I let my best friend talk me into stupid choices.

I used the old hiding place that Orion and I watched Ross and Jodi's reunion from, hoping that he wouldn't remember about it or even consider the fact that I'd be hiding in there. I just told Zeo that the fountain in the park was a good place for a casual conversation, and that it would hopefully trigger some memories to help our cause. He didn't question it for once, probably still guilty over helping cause this whole disaster.

Orion shuffled his feet as he approached. His lean shoulders slumped over in a curve instead of the strong angle I was used to. He scanned the scene with those beautiful blue eyes before finding Zeo lounging on a stone bench. I watched him breathe deep, his poise straightening, before calling Z's name and walking over.

"Hey."

"Hey." They shook hands, an awkward formality with no warmth at all. They sat.

"So," Orion asked slowly, "what was it you needed to tell me."

"It's about Kasey."

Orion swallowed hard, his pointed adam's apple bobbing in his throat. He cast his eyes downward and let Z continue.

"Look, I know you heard about what happened with him and Summer. It must have been hard."

Orion just kept staring at the ground, as if fascinated by the cracks there.

"I don't care," he said.

His throat was dry, the words stuck in there like they didn't want to come out.

"You don't have to lie to me, man. I know. I mean, I know everything."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He rubbed the toes of his converses together.

"Okay. Maybe I don't. And I'm not here to force anything out of you. I came to apologize. The whole Summer thing. It wasn't Kasey's fault. I kind of forced him into it."

Orion didn't say anything so Zeo took that as a cue to continue.

"He has feelings. For you. Strong ones. Like, I probably shouldn't even be saying this to you, he'll probably kill me, but I've never seen him get like this over anyone. I mean look at this."

He pointed to his cheek, which was tinged purple, probably a result of our fight the night before. I touched the matching bruise on my shoulder. It hurt.

"He did that to me. And I'm his best friend. The kid was so angry he lost it. He broke down. Because I forced him to go out with Summer. It was all my idea, I convinced him that it was something he needed. Look, don't get me wrong, I like you, too, and you're a cool guy, but he was just spending so much time with you. He used to call me all the time to just chill, but he called you instead. I thought maybe I just did it for him, didn't want him to have to suffer just for being--well, you know. Then he could be with Summer and not have to worry about you and I could go back to being his best friend. I thought, I thought I was getting replaced, but it's different. I mean how he feels about you. You're not just his friend. You mean more than that. I'm not explaining this right, am I?"

"You're doing alright. I get it," Orion said quietly.

"Good. Because he's in a bad place right now and to be honest, you don't look much better. You know you'd both be happier if you just kiss and made up so--"

Orion stood up, shaking his head.

"Zeo, this isn't a game. It's not that easy. Maybe it was too easy, even. The first time."

In a rare instance that I wouldn't believe if I hadn't seen it, Zeo had nothing to say. Orion continued.

"I hear what you're saying but it's just not that easy. No matter how close you two are, Kasey still made his own choices that night. And maybe neither of you realizes it, but his choices showed a lot. About things I was afraid of. He's just not ready."

Orion extended his hand out to Zeo, who took it hesitantly.

"Thanks for coming and telling me all of that. But look, I gotta go. Call time is at 6:00. I'll see you around, okay?"

Zeo stood there for a few moments before calling out to him. "Hey, just--just do me a favor and pick up if he calls, okay? Just talk to him."

Orion paused, shot a glance over to where I crouched in the bushes, his sapphire eyes piercing right through them, almost as if he could see me. I convinced myself quickly it was impossible. It had to be.

"Maybe." He broke his gaze and nodded a goodbye to Zeo before walking away.

"Sorry, K. I tried," Zeo called to the bushes.

I came out of my hiding spot. "Well, what now?"

Zeo pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open.

"We call in special teams."

"Just to recap," Joni said. "Kasey's gay. Orion is gay. Kasey likes Orion, but he went out with Summer because"--she shoots him a look--"Zeo is an idiot. So now Orion is upset and we have to help Kasey find a way to get Orion to forgive him for being an idiot?"

"Basically," said Zeo.

The group, our assembled special team--Joni, Mikey, James, Zeo, and I (Ross was at a volleyball tournament in California)--were gathered around the island in our kitchen. They nodded together, taking it all in.

James still held a cookie halfway to his mouth, having picked it up before the serious conversation began and forgetting it after all the revelations. He looked at it now, surprised to see it there, shrugged, then ate it.

In the silence, the crunching attracted everyone's attention.

"What?" James asked, but no one had a response.

"Are you okay with this?" I asked. "It's kind of a lot to take in."

"Of course, man." He ate another cookie, recognized the silence, looked around.

"Why is everybody looking at me?"

"You're kind of the only one that didn't know," said Zeo.

"Oh," James said. He swallowed. "Did you guys think I was gonna be mad or something? Kasey's one of my best friends. Dude, you were there for me when everything went down with my dad the first time. And it's because of you I went to see him after all of that. You got me, and I got you. That's not gonna change. To be honest, I'm kind of happy for you and Orion. You seem, I don't know, more alive when he's around. He's good for you."

I felt my cheeks flush. James and I had always been friends, but he'd never been so vocal about it. People can surprise you, I guess. In the best ways.

"I thought I heard emotional teenage drama in the kitchen," Keith said, weaving through the crowd to pull the refrigerator open.

Zeo quickly looked away as everyone mumbled a `hello.'

"What are you guys talking about?" Keith asked.

"How to get Orion back," I told him.

He nodded. "So this is like a coming out party with cookies?"

"Yeah, but I'm the only one who didn't know," said James.

"Cool. Well I'm gonna drop in my two cents then I'll leave you alone. One, Kasey, normally people come out to the parents before their friends? Don't forget to tell mom and dad. And something more than a post-it on the fridge, alright?"

I nodded, wondering how I hadn't even thought of that. Our home had always been such a welcome environment, and the way mom and dad treated Keith made me feel like I'd be safe. Still, if I was going to make it official with my friends, Keith was right that it was also time to tell the folks.

"Two," he plopped down a carton of milk onto the island. "What kind of heathen serves cookies without milk?"

I'd also forgotten that. Where was my mind today? Probably too consumed with thoughts of Orion to consider normal human needs. Not that my friends had even noticed--then again, this was a big moment for them, too.

Keith bounded back up the stairs to his room, leaving the five of us standing around staring at each other.

"So what now?" asked Joni.

"Tonight I'll come out to my folks. But right now, we have to figure out how to get Orion back."

"Wait! One more thing," Keith called from the stairs before reappearing in the kitchen. "Three: I want to help."