Tuesday 20 May 2008
Things which irritate me: when things don't go that well Big O-mometer: * FML.
So we got hammered at the football yesterday, 4-0. They played well, and we played shit, and it was as comprehensive a whitewash as you're likely to see this side of a hardware store specialising in the stuff. That's our last game of the semester -- exams coming up in two weeks and it's Study Week next week, and then the winter break after all that, so we're not playing again till late July. Plenty of time to get ourselves prepared better for the second half of the season. Our strike force were getting a bit short with everyone after missing two sitters and getting some stick for it from Russell and Paolo, so hopefully we just take our chances next time. You see this in sports, just a bad day at the office, and it's usually not indicative of something more sinister afoot than a bit of misfortune.
Went to Antony's house-party Friday night. What an abortion. First I got into an argument with Ben and Gareth about going, because they don't know anyone and rather wanted to go elsewhere. After much cajoling and whatever from me they agreed we could go there and give it an hour or so and then bail if we weren't having fun. That wasn't the argument, though -- it was because when we got there I "ditched them to hang out with my varsity mates" and kinda left them to fend for themselves. Okay, so mea culpa -- I did do that, even though in the argument I swore blind (and swore, a lot) that I didn't. But it gets worse, kinda. After about two hours -- we got there about 9ish but things had started early because people were ticking already and one guy was emptying the contents of his stomach into the pool -- we were one of a handful of groups still standing and it was clear that the party as it was was over and most people were just going to sleep it off. Al was coming through after work and we were going to go elsewhere, but I sent the other two off with him and said I'd meet them at the Naut after I'd said cheers to everyone I knew there, so they'd gone. I'd barely said two words to Antony the whole night when he stumbled over to find me, completely pissed on many beers, and asked me to come upstairs with him. Of course, I jumped at the chance -- inside Mystery Man's boudoir for some potentially sexy times, moi? Why, certainly! -- and off we traipsed, him barely conscious and me kinda helping him walk, because it really was that bad, and wondering whether my luck was in that night and ignoring the potential legalities of getting frisky with someone who could barely stand.
Halfway up the stairs he nearly falls. Seriously, I could hear my arse-hole clench because I thought we were going to go over in a heap and break our necks. He grabs hold of me, I managed to hang onto both him and the banister somehow and... while I'm making sure we don't die and offering a quick thanks to Mr G that we're still in one piece I swear he groped my bum. I mean, he had hands all over trying to stabilise himself, but... I'm certain he did; it felt like a pretty definite squeeze and I'm sure I'm in with a shout. He's still swaying a bit but I can tell the almost fall has had an effect and he's noticeably more alert. Anyway, he kinda looks into my eyes and grins as the adrenaline leaves his system and he says "yoh that was close, hey!" and eventually moves his hand off my arse and we proceed upstairs with me, ever practical, wondering how the hell I'm going to get him back down afterwards. Another stumble going around the corner as he catches his foot on the frame while going through a doorway and bam! We actually go down with a bump and I get half the wind knocked out of me as I break his fall with my whole being and he laughs his head off when it becomes apparent that neither of us has died.
So we're lying on the floor in a tangle of arms and legs, me face-up and him on top of me but somehow face-down looking right into my soul, me trying to catch my breath and I am suddenly quite conscious that he's on top of me and I can feel the heat of his body pulsing into mine, and that the squidgy collection of warmth and sponginess pressing into my gentleman's area is his own cock and balls. And that, although my left arm is flung out on my left side, my right arm is casually resting across him in such a way that my hand is now on his butt and I can feel the diagonal seam which goes across the arse of his undies bisecting a buttock which is flabbier than I would have expected, but firm enough and warm to my touch. I have to remind myself that I shouldn't grope the guy, because that's really not what I want to be about, so I resist moving my hand and doing anything which might be misconstrued, but I also resist moving my hand at all, so I guess technically I am still kinda feeling his bum. He's gazing deep into my eyes, stripping my soul naked as I look up at him, a shy but definite grin scampering across his lips as the moment stretches in time, much longer than anything without meaning would. We lie there for the longest time, our dicks in close proximity with me begging mine to stay still, his breath sharp with alcohol but warm across my cheeks in the quiet. I realise we're in his bedroom, the inner sanctum, as he eventually gets unsteadily to his feet and extends an arm to help me up.
It's nice and tidy; not as spacious as you might think, given the size of the house, but not a prison cell. Computer in the corner, small tv on the chest of drawers, micro hi-fi on the bookshelf. An interesting collection of books in there; mostly aimed quite a bit younger than we are, that's for sure, and nothing profound or wow which I could see. He tells me to sit on the bed and he plonks himself down next to me and puts his arm around me and rests his head on my shoulder.
I can't believe how well this is going. I only half-entertained the thought when I wrote Friday's entry that something was going to happen since I'm not even 10% sure he's gay, and I have nothing concrete to go on that he's at all interested in me if he even does like boys, but this has gone to places I never thought I would actually ever go. He looks into my eyes again, and grins a shy grin, and now I can't really help wondering what the rules say about it being a technicality by going along with someone who's clearly completely pissed if they're doing all the coming on and you're just letting them. He's still looking into my eyes and I wonder if I should lean in for a kiss.
Suddenly we get accosted by some random chick who comes into his room -- I'd been sort-introduced to her at the start of the night but I'd met so many new people that I couldn't remember her name. Clearly she's a sister or an old friend or something because she seems to know her way around the place quite intimately and was playing hostess for a large part of the night. I'm wondering if she'll figure out something is happening and kinda leave us in peace -- dilemma; nobody knows about me liking boys and she'll work it out quite quickly. But I don't know her apart from seeing her around here at this party, and so from that perspective she doesn't know anyone I know to tell them about me. Still, do I want anyone to know? But I'd have to come out sometime, and of course Antony would clearly know if we did anything, so... and of course, this is it, my First Time at stake and it's kinda a no-brainer.
So I decide I'll wait for her to leave and presumably she'll figure out soon enough that she was interrupting something. But no -- she sits next to him on the other side. Annoying; I wonder how I can subtly suggest she should just fuck off.
"Sorry, he gets kinda handsy and touchy-feely and flirty and soppy when he's had too much." Sure, whatever, lady, too many words ending in y in that sentence. "He's still a bit new to all of this and is a bit of a messy drunk."
"Haha, yeah, aren't we all?" Thanks, bye now!
She's kinda looking at me, and I'm kinda looking at her, and the air is pregnant with expectation. I'm about to tell her I can take it from here, but thank G_d I don't. "We came up to get the special stuff." I think that's what MM said; he's mumbling.
"I don't think that's a good idea, giving out your weed. Everybody's had far too much already," she says to him. She catches my eye and rolls her eyes. "Boyfriends, eh?" A bit presumptuous, I thought, if he's been telling her we're an item already; flattering, though, and I'll wear that tattoo with pride. MM thinks I'm boyfriend material? Good people of the world, this is what we in the know would describe as "fuckin' A."
She looks at him, resigned. I'm wondering how much longer this cock-blockage is going to continue and also wondering what excuses I'm going to give the guys for being late since I can't tell them I was sexing the guy. It's worth mentioning that I have decided I am absolutely intending to sex the guy at this point, assuming it gets that far, even though I don't really know how to do it, let alone well, apart from the absolute basics of sticking winkies into bums.
"I love you," he says, and I'm thinking that's a little OTT since nothing has actually happened yet, but I am grinning like an idiot even though I know he's pissed and he probably only likes me, not loves me. "Do you love me?" he asks, and I think maybe I should kinda play along so this chick doesn't think I'm just going to use him. I mean, I'm not, but I definitely don't want to her to think that. But what to say?
"Of course I do!" I reply.
At the exact same time as she does.
It takes a second before I realise my gaffe and my stomach drops away as it all makes sense and I feel the blush starting around my ears. Fortunately, they both laugh.
"Good one, Charley," he says and gives her a big kiss.
"Thanks for helping him upstairs. I'll put him to bed," she says.
"Yeah, best thing, I reckon," I replied. I just want to get the fuck out of there. "You look like you're under control, so... Think I'm going to hit the road if you don't need me. I'll find my way out, no stress."
"Thanks for coming, Charley," he says. "We should totally hang out more."
I thank them for hosting, smile graciously and leave to go and get really, really drunk with the others, Mom's wrath be damned.
I seriously need to find myself a working gaydar, ASAfP. Unrelated, exams start next week, head down and gotta on with it now since The Reckoning is upon us.
-C