Fri 14 March 2008

of Days since Previous Sexual Encounter: 1

of Days since Previous Sexual Encounter with Another Person who exists outside My Imagination: 6782

So it seems the internet can tell you anything. It says I was born on a Wednesday and at this time I have lived 6782 days; that's 18 years and change with about five months till 19. Without putting too fine a point on it, that seems far too long to not be fucking other people with some semblance of regularity, myself excluded; and far too long to have not yet had relations with someone at some point in my lifetime. At this point I'm wondering whether I could make money as the poster boy for Virgin Atlantic. I'll be a laughing stock, but at least I'll get free flights to not join the Mile High Club on. Sad to think that the only time anyone else has ever shaken my moneymaker was to circumcise the damn thing way back when.

Neat segue – our group of post-football showerers (still a low five from twelve playing; not nearly enough wanking material for my liking) seems to have a 60:40 split in favour of circumcision with three of us presumably having had our winkies butchered against our wills as babies. I'm not sure how representative these numbers are given our small sample size, but I will make a point of looking even more from now on. Anyway, Colin, Danny and I have been done; Paolo and Russell have not. I am thinking more now that Colin might well be gay – I noticed him glancing furtively at Danny while they showered yesterday, and he also gave me the once-over, although I was sitting in my towel since I bailed early to avoid the rush and was eager to not yet put my amateur topiary skills on display. Nevertheless, I wonder if I'm Colin's type? He seems like a nice guy, seven out of ten looks-wise and not in bad shape at all, and unless he is like the world's biggest grower I don't think he would do too much damage to my servants' entrance. Honestly, I could quite easily do worse...

...but probably not in Chem. I'm pretty sure I saw my arse in a mirror with today's test. All multiple choice questions, but so few of the answers I worked out were in the options to choose from, so clearly there was some fuckery afoot somewhere. Hopefully they will look at my workings and give me some marks for what I've done, although logic dictates that if the workings were correct the answer I got would have been one of the sodding options on the page. I aced Chem at high school, and I had no idea I wasn't getting the hang of it here; unlike Maths which I was pretty certain I was lost in from like Day 2. Ironically, Grant who usually sits behind me was most aggrieved he couldn't see my answers over my shoulder – no random seat allocations this time; not sure why – because he was hoping to cheat off me and doesn't believe me that I think I bombed out completely.

Things are pretty tense at home. Last night the `rentals weren't even talking when I got there and that didn't change by the time I headed off to bed. I assumed Mandy had pissed them off – she can be divisive and manipulative, that one – but she was still at school at drama practice and hadn't been home yet. I wonder what is going on. They argue like an old married couple, the folks, but then again it's because they kinda are. This weirdness of the last few weeks is more than a little odd. I wonder if they're still having sex; or perhaps a lack of desire on someone's part is causing all this. Eeeuw, now that I think about it – do I really want to know that my folks are still getting their legs over?

Odd. I will do some detectivating at some point. After quickly getting all that sodding Chem figured out. I do hope this doesn't fuck up my DP too much.

-C