I practically knocked her door in when I go to it.
"Alec! Alec!"
She answered on the second knock. I let myself in, frantically pacing back and forth.
"I promised myself I wouldn't do this." I said.
"Do what?" she asked a bit worried.
"Promised myself i wouldnt think about you."
"WHAT?!" She gasped clearly shocked and hurt.
" I promised myself i wouldnt think of you and get in too deep with you, and now look at me, god im such a wreck!" I shouted, turning and throwing my hands up.
"Wouldn't let yourself get in too deep with what?" she asked.
"My feelings for you...."
"Is that such a bad thing?" she asked.
"Yes...no....I don't know!" I Sighed.
"What don't you know,skye?" She asked placing her hand on my shoulder. I had my back turned to her but even still i could make out her confusion and worry in her voice.
"You wouldnt understand..." I said shrugging her hand off.
"Try me.......tell me who hurt you so bad...you can't trust me....or yourself." "Explain it all to me so i can understand." she said taking my hands in hers.
"I can't"
"Why can't you?!" she shouted frustrated dropping my hands. "What about your life.....is so horrible...you can't tell me skye?!"
"Everything"
out of the corner of my eye i could see her shake her head. I couldn't give up now i had come too far.
"I'm in love with you." I whispered.
"What?" She asked ever so lightly.
I kissed her softly. And laid her down on her bed and slowly made love to her....slowly and gently.
After we made love I snuck out of Alec's house back to my own. Making love with Alec was the most intense thing ever and i didnt know how to handle the aftermath so i ran. I ran around town for 2 1/2 months doing whatever i wanted. I was flirting with another girl in a club when all of a sudden alec was in my face.
"We need to talk." she said pulling me to the side.
"Are you in this with me or are you just playing around?"
"I don't know....."
"What don't you know?"Alec asked.
I wasn't ready to see her just yet. I needed more time.
"Can you give me a little more time to figure some stuff out please?" I asked her.
"Why not...." and she walked away.
Before i knew it three months had passed and it was alec's 29th birthday..i got an invitation..i went. I approached alec on the dance floor and asked her to talk. we talked for hours and i apologized and that night i realized i had fallen in love for the first time ever. And maybe it was time to stop running. a slow song came on and i asked alec if she wanted to dance she said yes. we danced, talked, kissed and ended back up at my place and started making slow yet passionate love, only this time i stayed, she had finally gotten me.
It took her three more months to get me to say it out loud to her and admit it to her that i was in love with her. She had me pinned down on my bed tickling me.
"C'mon!.....I know you wanna say it....cmon!" She giggled.
"Yea.....I.....Do....But Please....Stop....Tickling me." I laughed. She stopped and I kissed her passionately. And then I whispered in her ear that I was madly in love with her and only her.
We had been together a year when we had our first major fight. It was over my inability to commit even though I hadn't cheated....yet.
For a split second in time after that fight I forgot who I was and let myself go....I cheated on Alec and afterwards ran and hid away for three months. I ignored Alec's phonecalls, emails and voicemails. To put it bluntly I wanted to curl up and die. I called the only person I could think of my "Bro". My "bro" was another lesbian friend of mine, I told her everything. She basically told me to man up and face the music....tell Alec what had happened. When Alec called next, I answered.